life experiences

Paleo Week 4 – Thoughts and Best Recipes.

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

Fat-Loss-Diet-and-Exercise-Plan

A not so quick update.

First, I love the Paleo diet – it has changed my life wrt my stomach issues.  I’ve had maybe 3 flare-ups – and they are identifiable, meaning I know what caused them.  My stomach can handle meats, fruits and veggies, and non-dairy dairy (nut dairy, NOT cow dairy). I also seem to be able to handle cheeses (so dairy in moderation) and wine without a problem.

I LOVE the fact that I can eat healthy, have a flat stomach, not have bloating or constipation issues, AND drink wine.  Yes, Paleo, you have me at Hello.

A couple of notes:

  • You can be successful IF you prepare yourself for success.
    • Remove shit from your refrigerator and cabinets and start over with the right ingredients. This was quite expensive for me – but well worth it.
    • Plan your shopping list and be prepared at all times with foods you can eat. This can take time… and its a conscious effort, one well worth it IMO. I prep and shop and cook on Sundays. It’s a half day at least… wish it was less but so far it hasn’t been.
  • You must live near a  Whole Foods or be able to order goods via Amazon.. otherwise, this diet won’t work. I know from experience that you cannot find much of anything that is Paleo friendly in small towns across the US.
  • You do need to like (more on the love side) to cook, experiment with recipes, be ok with failure, and most of all, love leftovers. If you have and love a slow cooker all the better.  If you don’t love to cook or bake, this is not a diet for you.
  • You will spend a shit ton of time prepping your food. Key staples in the kitchen are:
    • Cutco Knives. Best damn knives on the planet – they will help you chop, cut, etc. If you want to know which ones I use let me know. I’ll supply the list of must-haves.
    • Mandolin. Just got myself one – the OXO Mandolin – because it had storage.  It’s missing a chopper.  Other than this, its excellent. Reviews say watch your fingers – and its true. Almost sliced off the tips of my fingers a couple of times.  Because of my close calls with losing my digit fingers I ordered myself the NoCry gloves. I LOVE THEM so much I ordered a pair for my Paleo diet cooking friend (she also has Cutco and has cut fingertips, nails,and such).

For me, I love baked goods – there is NOT a donut I don’t love (except those covered in maple icing). Baked goods are brought into the office every day, which sucks for me.  So I’m experimenting with baking and I’m having a ball.  BUT, this was the hardest for me to cut out – I LOVED my Fiber One bars, Cinnamon, Gingerbread, Lemon Bars oh My!!   Below is what I’ve done, baking wise.  I’d open a bakery if I could – because this is where it’s at. Experimenting has been so much fun.  Why are bakeries NOT incorporating coconut or almond flours in their treats?

After a month, here are my favorite recipes, notes of changes included.

NOTE – you must use Google Chrome to search for these recipes. If you use Bing you will NOT get good results.

  • Making Sweet Potato and Beet Chips isn’t as easy as all the recipes I’ve found online have said.  NOT A ONE.  I’ve made a good 10 lbs of chips, none of which have turned out perfectly. I’m still experimenting with temperature and the right mixture of oil, baking time, and spices.  I thought the price of Terra Chips was ridiculous.  Given the time and effort I’ve put in to make the perfect chip, I think the price is well worth it. I’ve got 20+ hours into it by now and I still don’t have a recipe I’m happy with. Terra Chips – thank you for making a quality chip that I can eat my guacamole with!
  • Paleo Curry Chicken –
    • I first tried Danielle Walkers Against All Grain Cookbook slow cooker Chicken Curry. It’s ridiculously GOOD. However, I don’t always have slow-cooker time on my hands.  so I found this Paleo Friendly Quick Curry Chicken recipe – and I made the following edits – remember, I love leftovers
      • I used Thai Kitchen green curry paste – an entire bottle
      • I used a small rotisserie chicken from Whole Foods. I didn’t salt or pepper it, I just deboned all the chicken
      • I used 1/2 yellow onion, 2 heads of broccoli, 1 red pepper, one carrot julliened w/ my new mandolin, and a 1 inch piece of ginger – sliced
      • I sautéed the onions, added the curry paste, let it saute a bit, then added the veggies – mixed it up, then added the cooked chicken
      • Then added 2 cans of coconut milk – one full fat, one light
      • Let it cook for 10 minutes, serve.
      • This served 2 – then I had 3 leftover servings (enough for lunch all week).
  • Paleo Banana Pancakes – I needed something to fill the pastry desires I had.  I need carbs, or something that resembles carbs.  So after a few experiments, I found this recipe on CaveManCooking and modified it a bit –
    • one for one on banana and eggs. You use too many eggs it tastes like a bad omelet and the texture is too spongy.
    • I used frozen bananas – you know, the ones that are over ripe that you put in the freezer to “do something” with..  once you thaw them, be sure to rid yourself of as much liquid as you can. The riper the banana, the sweeter the pancake.  No matter what the other recipes call for, do not add honey or sweeteners – the ripe banana makes it sweet enough
    • Add a TBS of coconut flour and a pinch of cinnamon.
    • 3 eggs, 3 bananas and a TBS of coconut flour make about 7 pancakes that are about 6″ round. two for you to eat right away, and one for each day of the week.  It was perfect for me. If you have the chance, add a bit of maple syrup or strawberry rhubarb jam… you will love it.
  • Paleo Slow Cooker Pork – Danielle Walkers recipe is the best, and this recipe walks you through how to make this deliciousness happen.  It’s so simple – and you should make lots of it because you can create other meals with the leftovers.  Yum!

Next up is Chicken Tikka Masala, more time perfecting my own chips, Thai Chicken sauce for lunch wraps (not Pizza), anything with Pumpkin puree, and seal the deal on my own Paleo “bacon burger” recipe (yes, my first experiment that friends and family love).

I think that is it – other than working, I’ve been cooking and enjoying it.  So far I’ve lost 3 pounds (4 weeks, 3 pounds).  Not bad given that I’m still drinking wine, eating cheese (in moderation), and working more than full-time in an office filled with wheat filled treats.

I’ll post another entry about work…  as you may remember, I started a new job 3 months ago.  Got the title and responsibility I wanted… All I can say is be careful what you ask for.. 🙂

Where is My Mr. Big?

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

happy-coupleI miss him.  I know I’ve done a lot these last few years, and maybe I have been hard to track down given all my moves, but a day doesn’t go by where I wonder where My Mr. Big is and how he is doing.  Is he happy?  Does he wonder where I am? Does he wish things had ended differently? Does he wonder if I still think about him?  For me, what we shared was the most simple and honest of all my relationships.  I understood and liked his quirks. I thought he felt the same.  If we had questions or were confused, we confronted them.  There were no elephants in our closet (like there had been in my marriage)…

Given the way he disappeared, I don’t expect to ever see him again (bummer for me as he was a good-looking man, and laying my eyes on that piece of man candy would be awesome!).  I would love to see him, if only briefly, to get a better understanding  of what he was going through, what was going on in his head when he decided to move on.  What was on the other end that was worth giving up what we shared?  I’m not  judging, I just would just like to know.  I’ve got all sorts of ideas in my head, it would be nice to put the ideas to rest and know the truth, no matter what it is.

I think of “us” now, especially as I move onto yet another phase in my life. I wonder what it would be like to have him by my side. If he would support it, steer me in a different direction…  I respected him, his experience, and his advice.  And to some degree, wonder what it would be like to have him by my side.

If anything, I don’t understand why people who loved each other so much can’t stay in contact, be friends, be supporters, be the cheerleaders we all need in our lives.  I’m not a jealous person, so I don’t get how people can choose to drop out of someone’s life … if you loved someone at one time, don’t you still love/admire those qualities about that person?

Anyway, this is a short post about missing someone who is special to me.  He taught me about love, passion, and happiness, and that all of it IS possible with a partner (vs. on your own). I know how to get there on my own, but the cats meow is when you can get all of the above WITH a partner.  Thank you Mr. Big. Wherever you are, I hope you are happy, smiling, and at peace with yourself.   xoxo.

Decorators Envy.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

mcmansionI’m in Utah.  I had a few customers to visit late this week, and decided to stay the weekend and stay with family.  I’m now staying with AbFab and her two awesome kids Mayonnaise and Shahnaynay.  4 and 6 now, 5 and 7 in very short order. My twin also came up for the evening, and she looks awesome.  I got a few pictures of us together, which is a rarity for us.

Since I’ve last talked about AbFab, she has gotten divorced from the kids’ father and has since remarried to a great guy. I’ll call him RoadRage for now… he is a very nice calm person, RoadRage is a great name for him as its opposite of the personality I’ve seen of him.

Anyway, they now live in a 5800 square foot home.  Its GORGEOUS. I love it.  It’s not the size that I love, it’s the dream of decorating and making a home.  It’s turning each room into a masterpiece, with color, with furniture, with flare. I can see why rich people keep buying new homes even though the ones they already have are Martha Stewart perfect.

On a personal front, I’ve been sick lately – a combo of allergies and a head cold.  I took a long nap today, it was good for me. I feel much better. Tomorrow, Sunday, I’m cooking dinner for the kids and my family…. Its going to be gluten-free (my new diet) but delicious.  I love to cook, it’s nice to cook for others.

O.k. so that’s it.  Not much tonight, but a little bit of something.  Which is what I’d love to see/read from Grey Goose…  hint hint GG, give me something!

Perception is Reality.

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

sun_through_clouds_2560x1600Like I know what reality is.  I know what my world is like…  I’ve been busy dealing with my stuff and planning/executing my trip to Australia.  I think I understand what other people’s worlds’ look like….

My stuff… what is that? I’ve moved, shifted the life I wanted but wasn’t real in order to better my future life.  I’ve been feeling morose about the changes, and trying to adjusting to my new life.  I’ve made some major adjustments, the most notable is that I moved out of my house and am now living in a small 1 bedroom cottage, otherwise known as a converted garage apartment.  The loss of “my life” includes the loss of the things I love, the space I love. These changes are essential to me getting back on track financially.  I now have to admit it, I’m depressed about this move.

I now recognize that I’ve been avoiding my situation… and thought I was handling it well.  But this is not the case, not only have I not handled it, its effecting my work.  My manager asked me today if something was wrong, something significant like cancer.  Why? Because I’m not as engaged (dedicated, committed, passionate) as I need to be.  She wasn’t telling me because I’m in trouble, she asked me from sheer concern.  I love this woman, she has busted her ass to “prove herself”, but in reality, she is the best leader at my current company.  When I grow up I want to be just like her. She is amazing, and I appreciate her concern.

I’m surprised it took me so long to recognize/admit my situation.  I fell into the abyss before (during and slightly after) my divorce.  My doctor gave me some pills to help me deal with it, which was fabulous.  I know that there are pills that will help me pull out of my current funk, and my doctor will prescribe them, but I don’t want to use pills this time.  I think this is just part of life – to feel the highs, you have to feel the lows.  I just happen to be experiencing a low period. Just kidding, funny aren’t I??? I think so.   I’d love to have drug to cover this up, but there isn’t one.

Anyway, I now realize that not only HAVE I NOT BEEN hiding/handling it all that well.  I put it off my feelings because I have been dealing with the enormity of “my reality”, which were these life changes that I’m not happy about making.  But the situation is real, I’ve already made the changes, so I need to get over it.  So what does this mean to me? I need to get off my lazy ass and get with a program.  Wake up, drink a plant-based breakfast to get new energy, start exercising, and in general, get my shit together.

Tonight is the night – that I’m not doing anything, once again.  but tomorrow, I need to live my New Year’s Resolutions.  God damn, its March already, it’s time I get my shit together right?  I’m going to drink a plant-based drink for energy, eating more veggies for health, and drink wine for sanity, and in all of this, lose the 20 pounds I need to lose for my Yacht Body!!   Tomorrow I’ll figure out exactly how I’m going to execute on my plan.

Reconnecting.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

Hello friends.

I know I’ve been out of touch, I’ve been working WAY TOO MUCH.  I’ve not had a second to myself, let alone for anyone else.  So much has happened since May…

First and foremost, I am alive. Just barely.. I’ve been working 80+ hours for months now.  Working on a work project that has consumed my life and not in a good way.  I gained the 10 pounds I lost last year, I am working for a woman who I can I only describe as grotesque.  Needless to say I’m looking for a new job.

Professionally I’ve exhausted myself – I’m completely burned out.  Totally spent.  I love the company I work for, I hate the person I’m working with.  I do love the other 95% of the people, but unfortunately to stay in my region I have to work with the person I’m working with. And IMO, life it just too short to work with poisonous people.  So on the hunt I go.

My personal relationships have suffered.  I have not seen most of my friends for months now…  and the ones I have seen it has felt rushed. I’m disappointed in myself for letting this happen.

Just because I’ve not written doesn’t mean I’ve not kept up with you, my favorite bloggers.  I love you GG and PG.. you both have kept me going this year.  Even though I’ve not responded to either of you, I love your posts. Thank you for sharing your life experiences with me. When I’ve needed a connection after long hours at the office, you are the first two I’ve turned to.   I’m also interested in Struggling Dad..  Anyone know what happened to him? Did he drop communication due to life’s complexities or can catch up with him on another blog site?

Regarding my main relationship, I’m in one, which is even surprising to me.  ATrain has stuck with me, has taken care of me and the girls – He is a great dad/father to the cats, and a great partner to me.  He has made more than his fair share of salads, dinners, and plans.  I’ve been an absentee partner for the most part, I’m lucky to have him, that he has been so patient with me. I tear up thinking about his kindness and generosity towards me over the last 6 months. 

For those of you that have gotten this far, I was able to purchase the house I remodeled and was living in. The ironic thing is that the girls and I now live with ATrain so I am trying to rent my home.  I’m renting it furnished. I did not have a problem renting it in August.  I’ve got 3 people interested for September. I am on the hook to show it to these folks during Labor Day Weekend.

I’m in Boston this week working and visiting with one of my best friends who stopped blogging years ago Unicorns and Rainbows. I do wish she would start blogging again – she has been doing interesting things and I’m sure her parents and I (along with you) would love to know the latest and greatest.

So, if I had to summarize  my position right now I would say that I’m feeling fat, un-confident, searching for a new path/job/lot in life, have a great support system with my boyfriend ATrain, friends C-Licious, Free Bird, Smarty Pants,  and family including Mom and Dad, AbFab, Lil’ Darlin, and my Twin. I just need to get off my ass and do something to change where I’m at, the situation I’m in. Stop complaining and DO SOMETHING.

I’ll write more and post pictures of my Santa Cruz weekend soon.

Thanks for reading.

A Pissy Post.

PaulasPonderings4 Comments

Be forwarned – I’ve had a few cocktails and I’m feeling a bit pissed about  what has happened lately.

I just don’t get it. If you are a nice gal, like myself, are open and honest,  the girl next door type, you get screwed.  If you look great (not that I don’t look good mind you, I’m a hottie, I’m just a 40-year-old hottie), are a bitch on wheels, desperate, needy… you get a guy.   I think of the men I’ve fallen for this year – all of them amazing in their own way – independent, honest, cool, different/unique… super interesting.  EVERY single one of them is driven to please needy, pissy, bitchy women (including but not exclusive to their ex-wives). . 

I’m great, what they want, their “dream girl” as they have all said – gorgeous, self-sufficient, independent, fun, etc…  They couldn’t ask for anything better.   But in the end, they drop me (and in not-nice ways)…  why you ask?  I’d love to know for sure.  But what I suspect is that it’s because there wasn’t enough drama for them. Men love drama… makes them feel loved, needed.  They want it, they need it.  I think it’s totally immature, but I think this is it.

I’ve been reminiscing… the 3 men I’ve fallen for since my divorce; One that I loved with all my being; My Mr. Big, the one  I would take back in a heartbeat IF he ever showed his face again.. gone.   The other two had potential to capture all of my heart…. but won’t because they are still tied to ex-lives (IMO).   All 3 have recoiled from a relationship with me,and I know it’s not because of me.  It’s because of them. As much as they said they were ready, the were NOT ready for a mature, supportive, non-jealous, fun, loving, sexual, easy  relationship.  All of them weren’t ready for this for different reasons…. but for me, it’s all the same  – they weren’t ready for something fabulous and fun.

As I think about this, it pisses me off.  I spent 2 years figuring my shit out BEFORE I put myself out there. I wanted to make sure that I was ready for a healthy relationship…   I thought men wanted the same thing.  But after this year, I do NOT believe this is the case.  I think when men “are ready’, it means they are ready to throw themselves out there and catch what they can (and the younger, more immature the better). 

I think I’m done for the year…  I’m disappointed.  I don’t need a partner,  I’ve got my friends, my cats, and lots of to-do’s to accomplish this holiday season…  I’ll think about what I want to do for next year and focus  what I need to do to get a partner as part of my New Year’s Resolutions..

So that’s it.  I’m pissy.. don’t understand men… giving up on them for the rest of the year.  If you have advice, I’d love to hear it, it will help figure out what I do in the New Year.

Not Home. No Candy.

PaulasPonderings3 Comments

This is the sign I hung on my door this evening.  Yep, the fun hater in the neighborhood is me.  Never thought it would be – I love Halloween….  but today, this week, this year, not me. 

Mr. Showtime and I had planned a simple party, a Napoleon Dynamite character party, where I would be LaFawnDah and he would be my Kip.   Obviously that didn’t happen.  When will I get to be LaFawnDuh??? 

I just had dinner with GFP, and I have had enough to drink to say things I probably shouldn’t… but here goes:

  • Love GFP…  because his friendship means the world to me, and there are no strings attached. I love that he is in my life… and he wouldn’t be if he was as black and white as Mr. Showtime and Dear Paula Letter Writer  were about relationships.   
  • I make the best Pomegranate Martini’s … so delicious they are dangerous.
  • Breaking Bad is the best series EVER. I just finished Season 3 on Netflix… Bummer for me.  Season 4 just finished but Hulu doesn’t have  rights to run it (along with a bunch of other shows).  I’m getting close to discontinuing my relationship with Hulu.
  • My parents are coming to visit this weekend… I’m planning a Meet the Parents night…  more deets coming.
  • Unicorns is gone.  Once again she has galloped out of my life, into her own…   she will be living in Boston soon. I can’t wait to visit. 🙂

In general, I spent the day/the last few days feeling down (Katie’s departure, The end of my time with Mr. Showtime). Its been hard to get up these last few mornings… not too hard to pick up a glass of XXX (goose, wine, etc)…   I need to snap out of it quickly….  The upcoming holidays surely don’t help.  I’ll figure something out…

Oh, I also have decided to start focusing on my New Years Resolutions.  I take them very seriously, and I need something to focus on right now…  work has been good but very frustrating, and my love life.. well.. hasn’t been that great.

O.k.. so I’m done with my public pity party.  Halloween has come and gone… I didn’t pass out OR eat any candy today……  Makes this a good day in my book.

Here Today Gone Tomorrow.

PaulasPonderings3 Comments

Thank  you to all who have written to me about Mr. Showtime and his disappearing act.  Seems like everyone has gone through a situation similar to this, man or woman..  We all seek answers when this happens, but there are actions people take that just don’t make sense.

Anyway, I’m flying home from Chicago as I post, on a Virgin America flight (best airline in the world people!!).  Since I have wireless, a computer, power, and wine at my fingertips, I thought I’d write…. give a quick update, provide a few more details on why this particular situation, Mr. Showtimes’ disappearance is so strange.

  • Time Together – we are both busy individuals, so although we were talking or texting frequently, we were only able to see each other a couple of times a week.  Sometimes it was during the week, sometimes it was the weekend.  We were not rushing into something (at least I didn’t think so)…  I thought the amount of time together was perfect – enough to keep wanting more.  🙂  We just made a point to enjoy the time we were able to spend with each other.
  • Sex – some of you suggested it might be because he got sex that he disappeared.  We had been having GREAT sex for 4 weeks, and it just kept getting better and better.  We talked about this, and how getting to know someone mentally, physically, and emotionally really makes for great intimacy.
  • Self Awareness – he seemed much more self-aware than most men I’ve met.  He seemed to understand that communication was key to a good relationship, that to be in a healthy, happy relationship, each person had to be healthy and  happy.  He had spent time thinking about what he wanted in his life, setting goals for himself, and actively working to achieve his goals.
  •  Consistent – Before he stopped calling/texting, his actions always matched his words… he said what he did, did what he said.  There was zero inconsistency in his interactions with me.

He has a demanding job and is a very active father of 3 grown kids (18, 20, 22).  Because he is busy AND has great qualities, I had originally thought that something was wrong – that he had become gravely ill, that something had happened to his father (who had stopped by for a visit AND “has limited time on this earth”)…..  And maybe this is still the case, I don’t know.  BUT, if a friend knows you are concerned and you don’t call/text them back… well, that isn’t a good friend. Certainly not someone you keep in the “inner circle” for long.

So I am sad, it’s a sad situation.  I did see potential….  so I have had a heavy heart this week while in Chicago.  I even turned down and evening out with colleagues on Monday so I could “work on my demo”, a.k.a.  have a pity party and post to my blog.  I liked him.. we definitely connected.  But alas it wasn’t meant to be…. if it was, we would still be communicating.

What I do know is that he left a few items at my house (on purpose – because he planned to come back) AND I left my eye pillow at his house and I need to get it back.  My thought is to send him his things along with a SASE and a note stating “please return the eye pillow. Greatly appreciated” and leave it at that. 🙂

Nothing And Everything… All In One Post.

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

O.k.. So I have so much to write about… this post is really about nothing and everything. Let me explain.

First, I completed a very important professional milestone today – I delivered my first software demo to a prospect.  Its a big deal in my world. It wasn’t perfect.. but I did it. The prospect understood and was engaged the entire time…   Most important thing (to me), is that I got over the “delivery to a customer” hump.  My internal champions – my mentor, my manager, and my managers manager are happy with the performance…  There are certainly areas for improvement…always are.  Bt once again, I’ve successfully and supportively jumped a hurdle.  Yes, I’m patting myself on the back.

Secondly, I just spent 3 hours on the phone. I KNOW!!!   I never do this – I hate the phone. I only use it to establish meeting places and times… I much prefer to meet in person.  But tonight, I had the time, I received the phone calls, I took them and actually spent quality time with people I like/love. Not in person mind you, but over the phone.  I loved every minute of it.  Its been years, yes YEARS, since I’ve had a long conversation on the phone.  I get it now….. . maybe.. until you call me and I don’t pick up.  😉

Thirdly, let me explain to you what its like to “work from home”. I realize this sounds so glamorous to the folks that have to get up on a daily basis and go thru a routine – wake up, shower, drop kids off, drive to work, work, return home, make dinner, go to bed… rinse and repeat.  Working from home has its own set of challenges.  Granted, I’m not complaining, I just want to articulate what my life has been like for the last 48 hours so you understand that “working from home” can lead to a very reclusive lifestyle:

  • Saturday:  woke up in pajamas.   Worked all day in pajamas.  Showered at 4pm, cocktail and dinner with friends at 5pm, home by 9pm, in bed by 10pm in same pajamas.
  • Sunday:  woke up in same said pajamas, changed to running clothes for a 12 noon run, worked the rest of the day in my workout gear, rinsed off at 6pm, put said pajamas back on, went to bed at 10pm.
  • Monday:  woke up in same pajamas, started working. Changed to same forementioned workout clothes for a 4pm run, rinced off at 6pm and returned to same Saturday pajamas, worked until 11pm.
  • Tuesday:  woke up in same pajamas.  Worked until 1pm (until the demo was complete).  Took a nap at 1pm…  back to work until 5pm, when I finally SHOWERED and put on real clothing. Went to grocery store, purchased food, ate dinner in real clothing.  Writing post in real clothing.

My point is, that I spent a good 48 hours at home, in THE SAME clothing, no makeup, no physical contact with the outside world other than my dear friend.  This is TOO normal for me.  Honestly, I dont know why I felt like “getting out” this evening, I just did….   and it was to a grocery store and KMart (which I will write about when I’m willing to really let go…)..  I easily could have gone until Wednesday, or even the weekend before seeing another soul, before getting out of the house in T-Shirt and Jeans…    Last year, I literally went weeks without seeing anyone but friends…  this is why my friends encouraged me to sign up for online dating (I know….  we all have words for these “friends” of mine).

O.k.. the picture I posted with this post is totally random.  Its what came up in a search for images on “Nothing and Everything”…

Missed The Mark On This One.

PaulasPonderings10 Comments

Connections. Aren’t they great when they work out?  When both parties feel it? I love them.  Sometimes though, it just doesn’t happen. 

As you all know, I felt a connection with the Dear Paula letter writer.  I definitely felt something there, and thought it was shared…   obviously not so.  Took me a while to wrap  my head around that one, and I thought I had learned this lesson already.    I’m sad to report that this is not the case. 

So, I’ve been dating. Signed up for a free online dating website, thought I would take my chances….  whats not to like about it (besides the bombardment of men not in my criteria that email me daily)..  the off-chance that I meet someone that is not in my circle of friends that I’m attracted to is much better than if I wasn’t on the site and did not meet new and interesting folks.  I like this concept –  meeting new people that are interesting that I would otherwise not meet.  So much fun, right?!

In my limited experience so far, online dating is much like thrift store shopping. There are many things before you, but you have to decide,amoungst all the crap, what you like and what you are willing to go out with, and every  now and again, you find a gem.  I do well in this environment – picking my flavors and making the most of my dates. I’ve built my roster, yes, a roster of gents that I go out with on a regular basis.  I like all the men…  all have potential, but there was (notice the was?) one in particular, that I felt was moving forward nicely…

So, this person, I thought felt the same way- a connection (a physical AND mental attraction and a mutual desire to see more of each other). We’ve had 3 dates over a one month period.  All were great, fun, “getting to know someone” experiences in my mind:

  • the initial meeting – where we decide that we are interested in another date (that we both were representative of our profiles, worthy of moving to the next step)
  • the second date –   witty banter, playfulness, and mutual physical attraction.  We played pool, had intelligent conversation and there was definitely some flirting going on.
  • The third date –  was about mental connection in my mind – he talked about his kids,  we shared  life goals (work, retirement, travel, etc), the dissillusion of our marriages, and then our perspectives on ideal partners (I was the first person he’s been interested in since his seperation)… how easy it feels to spend time together…  We made plans for a 4th date when he returned from Dallas.

Well, last night, while out with my girlfriend, I saw Mr. TX with another woman.  Not thinking about it, I approached him to say hello (why wouldnt I ??).  He behaved very strangely – he did not give me a hug, then immediately stammered something out about the woman he was an “old friend” from TX.  Fine.  I got a very wierd vibe from him, told him to have a great night, and walked away.   But as I walked away, my back to Mr. TX, my  girlfriend got a wierd look on her face and said, “EWWHHH”.  Apparently Mr. TX and date began making out like teenagers (the date making it clear to all that they were together).  The bitter sweet part is that the folks that work the bar, which I know, said to not worry about it, (to come back to the bar later), because he was leaving “again” in two weeks for a long bike ride…  all said with a  smirk and I think a wink!  This made me think that they knew he was not an upstanding guy… not one worthy of my attention/affection.

First, he owes me nothing.  I was not expecting anything from him except honesty (which we talked about on our first date because of how crazy online dating can be).  But given the way the night played out, I am pretty sure he has not been honest with me.  I wonder if any of the things he said to me are actually true —   He told me he’s a busy executive of a small company, travels a lot, has a crazy schedule, enjoys my company and would like to make plans with me as his time/schedule permits…..    Seemed reasonable to me, but now, is any of that true?  Or is he really a used car salesman from San Bruno, who lives in a studio apartment, or better yet, with him mom?  Who knows, what I can say with certainly, is that given the wierdness last night, I’m NOT the first person he has spent time with since his seperation (blondie, his date, could probably confirm this)….

So, its very clear to me now the Mr. TX I had a few dates with is clearly not who he said he was.  I totally missed the mark.  I was a little taken aback by this.  All I could think was about being played – I was played.  And I fell for it, I let it happen.  I didn’t see it coming – never would have thought it (who does that???).   Chalk this up as another lesson learned for me —  Once again, I realize that I am nieve, I actually believe what people tell me.  When am I going to learn????   I do not want to become jaded, but I honestly don’t know if its possible to be open, honest, AND date. 

So, folks who are out there, how close do you hold the cards? How much do you reveal about yourself? How much of what someone says to you do you believe/trust?   I’d welcome any tips/tricks/advice.