work life balance

Back To Work w/o A Car. Public Transport Sucks.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

imageI am alive and well.  I have been crazy busy – started a new job (I know, finally out of my retirement phase).  During my first week on the job I got into an accident. It was my fault…I didn’t know where I was going, I looked at the map on my phone, looked up, and didn’t have enough time to stop.  I hit someone head on.  The accident was just that, an accident, and it was totally my fault.  I walked away with a lot of bruises and aches. Took a few weeks to recover…  I still have some neck pain.  But my beautiful car, my Black Beauty did not fare so well.  The other driver had car damage but was physically fine.

Today I recieved a final call from State Farm. They have determined her a “total loss”. They have given me what they think she is worth…  Mere pennies for her true worth.  I am unable to replace her with the $$ they will give me.  I have been without a car for 2 weeks now and it looks like I will be without a car for a while.

This wouldn’t be a big deal if I was still “semi-retired” and had all the time in the world to run errands. Hell, I was walking everywhere when time wasn’t a factor.  But this is no longer the case.  3 weeks ago I returned to full-time work.  Yes, I found employment that I am very excited about. My new company is headquartered 23 miles from home… A rediculous amount if we speak in travel time on CA highways. I can get to the office in 30 minutes during off-peak hours. It takes me over an hour by public transportation. Public transportation includes a 15 minute walk, a 40 minute train ride, a 15 minute shuttle ride and a few minutes of waiting between each transition. Grrrrr.

In addition, I have to leave at the crack of dawn no matter what transport option I choose.  I am not a morning person.  I have purchased the ShockClock to change this… So far not so good.  Either it is not working, or 30% shock wave is not enough to wake me..  Tonight I have it set to 50%.. Which freaking hurts when I tested it out…  If I am not up at the crack of dawn tomorrow, it is because I was not able to electrocute myself via the ShockClock…

Honestly, if public transportation was an option, I would prefer to NOT get a car now, and wait for my Tesla Model 3… Yes, I registered. Yes I am on the waiting list.  Yes, I would wait… I love that car.. So sexy, so svelte, so what I want….

The new job. Outside of the commute – awesome. I love the people. It is a perfect fit for me.  I get to use my technical knowledge and fulfill my geeky side, while doing the things I love the most – speaking with customers, creating processeses and programs, and measuring results.  When I am “working”, it really doesn’t feel like working.  Which is really the best job ever.  If it weren’t for the commute, it would be perfect.  Once I get up to speed I will be able to reduce my face time in the office. And once I get another vehicle, I will be able to reduce the time it takes me to get to/from the office.  But right now, 3 hours in commute time is killing me……

All in all, life is good.  I no longer have a car, a car that I loved.But she did save my life. And for that I am forever grateful.  I will hold out until I find another just like her, which may take a while given the State Farm settlement.   I do love my agent and felt that the total loss agent was great too.  But the numbers just did not work in my favor. So those of you who have older cars that are well kept with low miles… Do NOT expect any insurance agency to respect its value.   Get a replacement cost policy (if you haven’t done so already)..  My .02

Alright… I need to get some sleep. Prepare for my morning electrocution.  :=)

 

Reconnecting.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

Hello friends.

I know I’ve been out of touch, I’ve been working WAY TOO MUCH.  I’ve not had a second to myself, let alone for anyone else.  So much has happened since May…

First and foremost, I am alive. Just barely.. I’ve been working 80+ hours for months now.  Working on a work project that has consumed my life and not in a good way.  I gained the 10 pounds I lost last year, I am working for a woman who I can I only describe as grotesque.  Needless to say I’m looking for a new job.

Professionally I’ve exhausted myself – I’m completely burned out.  Totally spent.  I love the company I work for, I hate the person I’m working with.  I do love the other 95% of the people, but unfortunately to stay in my region I have to work with the person I’m working with. And IMO, life it just too short to work with poisonous people.  So on the hunt I go.

My personal relationships have suffered.  I have not seen most of my friends for months now…  and the ones I have seen it has felt rushed. I’m disappointed in myself for letting this happen.

Just because I’ve not written doesn’t mean I’ve not kept up with you, my favorite bloggers.  I love you GG and PG.. you both have kept me going this year.  Even though I’ve not responded to either of you, I love your posts. Thank you for sharing your life experiences with me. When I’ve needed a connection after long hours at the office, you are the first two I’ve turned to.   I’m also interested in Struggling Dad..  Anyone know what happened to him? Did he drop communication due to life’s complexities or can catch up with him on another blog site?

Regarding my main relationship, I’m in one, which is even surprising to me.  ATrain has stuck with me, has taken care of me and the girls – He is a great dad/father to the cats, and a great partner to me.  He has made more than his fair share of salads, dinners, and plans.  I’ve been an absentee partner for the most part, I’m lucky to have him, that he has been so patient with me. I tear up thinking about his kindness and generosity towards me over the last 6 months. 

For those of you that have gotten this far, I was able to purchase the house I remodeled and was living in. The ironic thing is that the girls and I now live with ATrain so I am trying to rent my home.  I’m renting it furnished. I did not have a problem renting it in August.  I’ve got 3 people interested for September. I am on the hook to show it to these folks during Labor Day Weekend.

I’m in Boston this week working and visiting with one of my best friends who stopped blogging years ago Unicorns and Rainbows. I do wish she would start blogging again – she has been doing interesting things and I’m sure her parents and I (along with you) would love to know the latest and greatest.

So, if I had to summarize  my position right now I would say that I’m feeling fat, un-confident, searching for a new path/job/lot in life, have a great support system with my boyfriend ATrain, friends C-Licious, Free Bird, Smarty Pants,  and family including Mom and Dad, AbFab, Lil’ Darlin, and my Twin. I just need to get off my ass and do something to change where I’m at, the situation I’m in. Stop complaining and DO SOMETHING.

I’ll write more and post pictures of my Santa Cruz weekend soon.

Thanks for reading.

Here Today Gone Tomorrow.

PaulasPonderings3 Comments

Thank  you to all who have written to me about Mr. Showtime and his disappearing act.  Seems like everyone has gone through a situation similar to this, man or woman..  We all seek answers when this happens, but there are actions people take that just don’t make sense.

Anyway, I’m flying home from Chicago as I post, on a Virgin America flight (best airline in the world people!!).  Since I have wireless, a computer, power, and wine at my fingertips, I thought I’d write…. give a quick update, provide a few more details on why this particular situation, Mr. Showtimes’ disappearance is so strange.

  • Time Together – we are both busy individuals, so although we were talking or texting frequently, we were only able to see each other a couple of times a week.  Sometimes it was during the week, sometimes it was the weekend.  We were not rushing into something (at least I didn’t think so)…  I thought the amount of time together was perfect – enough to keep wanting more.  🙂  We just made a point to enjoy the time we were able to spend with each other.
  • Sex – some of you suggested it might be because he got sex that he disappeared.  We had been having GREAT sex for 4 weeks, and it just kept getting better and better.  We talked about this, and how getting to know someone mentally, physically, and emotionally really makes for great intimacy.
  • Self Awareness – he seemed much more self-aware than most men I’ve met.  He seemed to understand that communication was key to a good relationship, that to be in a healthy, happy relationship, each person had to be healthy and  happy.  He had spent time thinking about what he wanted in his life, setting goals for himself, and actively working to achieve his goals.
  •  Consistent – Before he stopped calling/texting, his actions always matched his words… he said what he did, did what he said.  There was zero inconsistency in his interactions with me.

He has a demanding job and is a very active father of 3 grown kids (18, 20, 22).  Because he is busy AND has great qualities, I had originally thought that something was wrong – that he had become gravely ill, that something had happened to his father (who had stopped by for a visit AND “has limited time on this earth”)…..  And maybe this is still the case, I don’t know.  BUT, if a friend knows you are concerned and you don’t call/text them back… well, that isn’t a good friend. Certainly not someone you keep in the “inner circle” for long.

So I am sad, it’s a sad situation.  I did see potential….  so I have had a heavy heart this week while in Chicago.  I even turned down and evening out with colleagues on Monday so I could “work on my demo”, a.k.a.  have a pity party and post to my blog.  I liked him.. we definitely connected.  But alas it wasn’t meant to be…. if it was, we would still be communicating.

What I do know is that he left a few items at my house (on purpose – because he planned to come back) AND I left my eye pillow at his house and I need to get it back.  My thought is to send him his things along with a SASE and a note stating “please return the eye pillow. Greatly appreciated” and leave it at that. 🙂

Behavior I Just Don’t Understand.

PaulasPonderings8 Comments

So, it takes a confused heart to get me back into writing.

Life has been extremely busy since I’ve written last.  I’ve been traveling a LOT for work, my best friend Unicorns is staying with me for a while, and I’ve been actively dating.

  • Work has been great – being busy is a good thing – together with my team we are making good progress on closing a few deals.  They won’t happen right away, but we are definitely moving in the right direction.
  • Friendships – Having Unicorns in town has been fabulous.  I love having her friendship, guidance, and support around me 24-7.   As you will soon learn, its been a good thing.
  • Dating.  Mr. Showtime turned out to be fabulous. We had instant chemistry, lots of things in common, and we had a great time together no matter what was on the roster.  He even met a few of my friends – FreeBird and Unicorns, and they both gave him the thumbs up.  Honestly, up until last week, I would have said that things were progressing very nicely.

But here is the weird thing.  And guys, please pipe in because this kind of behavior is very strange to me.  It’s happened to me twice now  – the first time with Dear Paula Letter Writer, and now Mr. Showtime.   This must be pretty common behavior amongst a certain type of man?  Or is it the timing?  I realize I’m the common denominator here … maybe its me…

Mr. Showtime and I started interacting since our first date.  We weren’t able to spend too much time together, but we were in constant communication.  He would call and/or text me everyday.  He would say sweet and darling things, i would reciprocate.  A few weeks back, Mr. Showtime went to NY for business.  While he was away, he called and texted me every day.  He got back a week ago Saturday night, I picked him up from the airport and returned him to his house.  We spent Sunday morning together, took a drive before he had to go to work.  I dropped him off at his house, with plans for him to come over to my house for dinner that evening.

At the end of the day, he decided he was too tired and wanted to chill at home, which I totally understood (I would have done the same thing).  Here is how the rest of the week/weekend played out:  

  • Sunday:  even though we planned to have dinner, I had to text and call to find out what he was doing. He was tired and wanted to stay home.. got it, no problem.
  • Monday: I reached out .. he responded that he was sick.
  • Tuesday: I offered to stop by with soup… he declined.
  • Wednesday:  no contact
  • Thursday: I texted him asking him if he felt better.  Suggested we get together on Sunday.  His return text, “That sounds nice”.
  • Friday: no contact
  • Saturday:  I texted him, asked him how he was feeling.. wondering if he was up still up for Sunday.  No response.
  • Sunday:  I texted him in the morning,  sharing with him I was a bit worried and just asked that he let me know he was alive.  I got a “I’m helping my daughter move”.  I thanked him for letting me know, wished him well with the move and that I would call later.  I called in the evening, got his VM, left a brief message.
  • Monday – Today:  Left him a VM stating I’d love to catch up and he could call me anytime.

So that’s it. I’ve put the ball in his court.   It’s very strange to me that we would communicate pretty much every day since we met, and now he has dropped off the face of the earth.  But I do believe that his actions are very consistent with someone who prefers not to see or speak to me again, so my plan is to let it go.  If I don’t hear from him by later this week, my plan is to send him a simple email something along the lines of “it’s fine you’re no longer interested, but I really wish you would have told me so directly”… I’m mean come on people, aren’t we all adults here? 

Honesty, simply disappearing from the face of the earth is just rude and I’ll never understand it. I did a bit of research on this topic, ran across this article, Why Men Disappear, which gives me some clarity…   but I’m still confused that people in general are o.k. with this strategy.   My Mr. Big was able to do it, Dear Paula Letter Writer did it at the 2 month mark, and it appears that Mr. Showtime is at it himself now that we are at the 2 month mark.  Its funny, I struggled with breaking up with Chicken Legs, but at the very least we had the conversation multiple times. 

This is why I have a confused heart.  My heart is churning, trying to find a reason for it, because it just doesn’t make any sense.   I would have never expected this from Mr. Showtime (or Dear Paula Letter Writer for that matter…)  He was very clear about his interest, very consistent with both his verbal and physical communication… up until a week ago.  Just so odd….and has me searching for the why….

I should be focusing on a demo right now, but I just felt the need to get this out there.  I’m hoping by sharing it with you, you can help me figure it out, and release the confusion from my head and heart, because frankly, I’m getting tired thinking about it.  I know I’ll be fine… it’s just another blip on the radar of my romantic life.

😦

Quick Update.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

I know, you all miss me. I’ve been out-of-pocket because I’m out-of-town. I’m spending most of August in Hotlanta (and not because the guys are hot)…   I’m in ATL for work (shameless plug for the fabulous (exKimpton) Marriott Renaissance Hotel)….   a great opportunity worth $$ if we can close it.   However, there are several observations that I want to share with you:

  1. Unicorns is at home, in CA.. and I miss her every minute of every day that I’m gone.  I want to be making dinner with her, creating jewelry, and catching up on life… talking, drinking wine, enjoying her company.  Bums me out I’m missing out on that (although, we all know Unicorns is just fine without me and out and about entertaining herself)
  2. Life is so crazy right now that simple pleasures make me happy. Case in point: 
    • I’m so happy when I go to the bathroom and the toilet seat is up.  It means I am the first one to go to the bathroom and I’m the first one on the toilet seat.  It makes me smile and happy…  What puts a bigger smile on my face is when I go back to the bathroom, I have to find another stall with the seat up…  I love a good challenge.  😉
    • I heard Barry Manilow on the radio at the restaurant I had lunch at yesterday.. It reminded me of th time I went to his concert with my mom and twin a lot of years ago… big smile.
  3. Looks like I might have 2 dates this weekend – MM guy on Friday, and Middle Seat Airplane guy on Saturday.  Yep, I’m a mover and a shaker…  both of the men are on my roster.. yum!

I should be writing status to my manager… but I did not, I decided to give you’ll an update…  I know, you feeling the love?!!? 

O.k. my sleeping pill is kicking in… good night, sleep tight, and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Procrastination At Its Best.

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Procrastination:  refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time.

The excuses begin valiantly with some exercise.  I just got back from a run with C-Licious.  It’s a gorgeous 75 degree day with a slight breeze.  I should be lounging by a pool in my new polka-dot string bikini, but alas I am not.  I’m still building demo scripts….. and not feeling that compelled to jump back into it.

So, today is your lucky day.. I feel like writing about a few things..

Harold and his desire for a 25-year-old.  Watching Harold make an ass of himself on Millionaire Matchmaker has stuck with me. Maybe it’s because I’m not 25, or maybe because its one of the stupidest things I’ve heard lately.  I’ve seen two things about older men dating younger women in the last two days:

  1. AskMen.com has something to say about it too.  Article is a fun read, clarifies the point that a relationship between an older man and younger woman is probably not ideal.   Obviously Harold missed it.  Someone should alert him that it is NOT actually easier to date a younger woman.  
  2. A rerun on MTV, a show I’ve never seen, part of a series of True Life – I’m Dating Someone Older.  Check out Amber and Bobby.  She’s 25, he’s 47…   He is busy working, she is immature and needy…  sounds/looks like a great situation all around.  It bounces in and out between two couples, but focus on this couple.  Better yet, someone send the link to Harold.  Doesn’t seem easier to me at all…

Secondly, a few weeks ago a  local dating service called and offered me a complimentary membership – they said that I was an ideal match for many of their paying members.  I went to their office and discussed the opportunity… and this week I just signed all the contracts and finished my profile.  So, apparently there are men out there that have PAID a service to find someone who is older, career-focused, fun, and fabulous (not to mention attractive and sexy!!).   It’s an old-school dating service – meaning it’s not online, they are about knowing their clientele.   So, they will present me with a few candidates, I get to pick the one I want to go out with …. Yes, I get to pick.  I cannot wait to see who they present me with, I’m pretty excited about it.  My profile is pretty specific…   Maybe, just maybe I will find that tall, handsome, successful, confident, compassionate, well-to-do man I’ve been looking for.

Thirdly, Girls night was last night.  What a great group of classy ladies.  We had so much fun…  I love these ladies, all successful, gorgeous, and fun.  We had drinks and dinner at a great Restaurant (food is fabulous, service is not good, I’ll be letting them know via Yelp), then walked up the street to this new bar/restaurant that was Fabulous!  One of the gals I was with knew the owner… and  just like that we were in. 

Lastly, I had an early morning this morning.  HulaHoops came over this morning, we played a bit of ping-pong in my woman-cave (otherwise known as the garage), then had berry-mango shakes to cool us down…  I drove her to school, where she ran off to the Fun House. Today is water day… she gets to play with water all day (she said  her favorite was buckets… I guess you get to pour a bucket of water over your head…. I wanted to stay with her ….. but alas, I was responsible and came home to work..

And this day is not over… I’ve got a date tonight….  which I will begin to get ready for in about 2 hours.  It’s so warm out, I will wear a dress and some sexy shoes… knock his socks off..  😉

O.k. Now I really have to get back to work….   Thanks for reading!

My Lucky Day.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

No, I didn’t get laid.

What I did get is the gift of more time.  Thru the graces of god, my presentation was rescheduled from this afternoon to Wednesday.  I cannot believe my luck – I was so ill-prepared.  Instead of practicing the presentation this weekend, I enjoyed time with friends, the warmth of the sunshine, organized my new home….  all the things that a normal person would do on the weekend….

My new job has been brutal.  I have felt overwhelmed since the day I started.  It seems like there has been something to do every single day ….   a lot to do, an overwhelming amount of things to learn.  I’ve been told that that it will get easier once I pass all the hurdles in the onboarding program.  Here is the high-level schedule…. 

  1. 3 full weeks of back-to-back training in Boston. This includes deep-dive training courses in the new product.
  2. 2 full weeks of a demo build, and delivery of the demo in a  role-play scenario (my managers behaved as prospects/customers). It was tough but I received very good feedback. Loved the experience.
  3. 1 week of product certifcation study and test… which I passed.  Pat on the back for Paula. 
  4. 1 week of standard pitch study, practice, and presentation delivery (what I’m working on now).
  5. a couple of days for a “demo on the fly” prep and delivery…. 
  6. 1 week of tecnical training to discuss enterprise architectures.. must deliver and pass the technical presentation.

Yes, you read correctly. My new company pays me while they train me to be the best possible sales consultant out there.  Its shocking, I’ve never run across this in my 15 year career in the software industry, but I have to say, it is so refreshing.  Instead of being set up to fail, I’m being set up to succeed.  But it has been really hard.   I’m emotionally exhausted, causing me to feel physically exhausted. Thank god I have a good friend who is keeping me on track with my yoga/pilates/run schedule.

Given all of this, I should be ready to meet customers/prospects in April… I’m still a month away from “doing my job”… I’m exahusted now.. mentally exhausted. There is so much to learn, the pace is definitely accellerated.  I feel drained all the time.

But today, I caught a break…  I’ve got a few more days to practice.  My presentation is now solid I just need to practice the delivery.  Lucky me, I am grateful for the extra time.