This Working Girl Is Going On Vacation.

View from the Office

I am trying to write more.  It helps me process all the things I have going on in my life.  This is not one of my better posts, but it is where I am right now. Baby steps.

First, I got a new job. And I have already started.  I am now working for a company based in Seattle. I’ve been in Seattle, training, for the last 2 weeks.  I have one more week of training before I go on vacation.  More on that later.

This company is amazing.  Everyone is SO NICE and helpful.  They are busy, they work hard, but they all have lives outside of work. The executive team believes in grit, integrity, honesty, and open communication. It is a great fit for me.  My career coach would be proud.

I am feeling a bit melancholy about it all. I wish I could retire now. I have so much life to live, I have family I want to support, there are things I want to do. I feel like I have been shackled to a job for 22 years and I tasted a bit of freedom. And I loved it. I crave it now. I want it.  I desperately want it.  But I had 5 months to figure out a way to retire and I wasn’t able to make it happen.   So if I have to go to work, this is the company I want to be with, the people I want to work with, and the journey I am now on.

Second, my bestie Unicorns & Rainbows and I are headed to Amalfi Coast on June 16th.  We will be there for 10 full days. I am beyond excited.  It was a splurge, especially since the $$ came from my savings (since I was jobless), but it is going to be worth it.  We are headed back to one of our favorite places, Villa Scarpariello.  I hope Prince Luigi is there again.  He is such a cutie.

 

 

Life Has Changed, Adaptation is Slow Going.

cartoon-sun-cloud-rain-rainbow-set-children-funny-il-illustration-vector-39964878I never had game.  But I’m cool with that. Which makes me somewhat nerdy/dorky cool.  I did have some game before.. and I still have game.  But the game I got now is very different from what I had just a mere 4 weeks ago.  Major changes listed below.

  • Not a Morning Person. I have never been a morning person., but I am getting up WAY early (no thanks to my ShockClock)…  If I leave my home by 6:30am, I get to work at 7am.  After that, it takes a while.  If I take public transport, it’s a 1.5 hour trip.  Needless to say, I’m driving to work, early. And I don’t like mornings.
  • No Drinking During the Week.  I know. What the hell has happened to me?!   I want to do a good job, I want to start the day with clarity and direction…    I’ve just naturally stopped drinking during the week. It has not been easy. But I do cut loose on Friday… a lot lose these last 2 weeks.
  • Weekends are for Errands.  Running errands while the masses are running their errands. Boo.  I really liked getting stuff done during off-peak hours…  It suits my browsing style.

It has only been 1 month.  And I was in a car accident.  In general, I am not a fan of the schedule. But I LOVE the people I work with and I am thrilled with the opportunity.  I love what I do, who I do it with, and what lies ahead.  It’s like looking at a Christmas present the night before Christmas….   so much anticipation, so much opportunity, so much excitement!

I do love it.  But I have to tell you, being semi-retired, focused on what I wanted. Was so refreshing.  My heart-felt lighter, clearer, more simple. I liked it.  I loved it.  I want this same feeling while I’m working. I do love my work – why can’t I seem to love what I do AND feel good while doing it??

Learning and growing, growing and learning. Would love to hear how you have dealt with major life changes..

 

Back To Work w/o A Car. Public Transport Sucks.

imageI am alive and well.  I have been crazy busy – started a new job (I know, finally out of my retirement phase).  During my first week on the job I got into an accident. It was my fault…I didn’t know where I was going, I looked at the map on my phone, looked up, and didn’t have enough time to stop.  I hit someone head on.  The accident was just that, an accident, and it was totally my fault.  I walked away with a lot of bruises and aches. Took a few weeks to recover…  I still have some neck pain.  But my beautiful car, my Black Beauty did not fare so well.  The other driver had car damage but was physically fine.

Today I recieved a final call from State Farm. They have determined her a “total loss”. They have given me what they think she is worth…  Mere pennies for her true worth.  I am unable to replace her with the $$ they will give me.  I have been without a car for 2 weeks now and it looks like I will be without a car for a while.

This wouldn’t be a big deal if I was still “semi-retired” and had all the time in the world to run errands. Hell, I was walking everywhere when time wasn’t a factor.  But this is no longer the case.  3 weeks ago I returned to full-time work.  Yes, I found employment that I am very excited about. My new company is headquartered 23 miles from home… A rediculous amount if we speak in travel time on CA highways. I can get to the office in 30 minutes during off-peak hours. It takes me over an hour by public transportation. Public transportation includes a 15 minute walk, a 40 minute train ride, a 15 minute shuttle ride and a few minutes of waiting between each transition. Grrrrr.

In addition, I have to leave at the crack of dawn no matter what transport option I choose.  I am not a morning person.  I have purchased the ShockClock to change this… So far not so good.  Either it is not working, or 30% shock wave is not enough to wake me..  Tonight I have it set to 50%.. Which freaking hurts when I tested it out…  If I am not up at the crack of dawn tomorrow, it is because I was not able to electrocute myself via the ShockClock…

Honestly, if public transportation was an option, I would prefer to NOT get a car now, and wait for my Tesla Model 3… Yes, I registered. Yes I am on the waiting list.  Yes, I would wait… I love that car.. So sexy, so svelte, so what I want….

The new job. Outside of the commute – awesome. I love the people. It is a perfect fit for me.  I get to use my technical knowledge and fulfill my geeky side, while doing the things I love the most – speaking with customers, creating processeses and programs, and measuring results.  When I am “working”, it really doesn’t feel like working.  Which is really the best job ever.  If it weren’t for the commute, it would be perfect.  Once I get up to speed I will be able to reduce my face time in the office. And once I get another vehicle, I will be able to reduce the time it takes me to get to/from the office.  But right now, 3 hours in commute time is killing me……

All in all, life is good.  I no longer have a car, a car that I loved.But she did save my life. And for that I am forever grateful.  I will hold out until I find another just like her, which may take a while given the State Farm settlement.   I do love my agent and felt that the total loss agent was great too.  But the numbers just did not work in my favor. So those of you who have older cars that are well kept with low miles… Do NOT expect any insurance agency to respect its value.   Get a replacement cost policy (if you haven’t done so already)..  My .02

Alright… I need to get some sleep. Prepare for my morning electrocution.  :=)

 

Life Is Changing.

the juggleLots of thoughts going on in my brain… I’m struggling a bit these days… here is why.

Dating.  Feeling Foolish.  I just found out from a very reliable source that Italian Stallion was indeed dating others.  I feel foolish for trusting him. Makes me feel gullible.  Now I get why we never went out in public.. why he broke up with me when and how he did.. as I hear more about him and his antics, I realize that I was foolish and naive.   Bums me out.  Not that I’m upset that we are not together, I’m upset that people are no longer trust-worthy.  They don’t deserve trust or the benefit of the doubt.  My heart tells me that people are innocent until proven guilty. But this is just not reality – I have to assume that people are guilty until proven innocent. It’s so opposite of my personality…  Makes me want to crawl into my own space and not deal with people.

Dating. ATrain.  Went to the Bahamas with ATrain (more on this soon) and he suggested that we get back together.  Damn straight I’m a great partner.  I’m angry and frustrated that he didn’t see it before….   Can I get over the fact that he didn’t see it when we were together?  Can I really start over fresh with him? It really doesn’t help that he is pouring it on thick while I’m dealing with my Italian Stallion experience (above).  There are things I want, things that I shared with him, all have to do with feeling secure and stable:

  • Living space.  I want to live with my partner.  For us, we would need at least a 3/2 and some significant change (i.e. ATrain puts everything on the countertops.. a messy countertop drives me insane… insane I tell you. I cannot focus if there is shit on the counter.).
  • Security.  We either get married or I have that same security through documentation. I don’t want to worry about where my next meal is coming from.
  • Status.  he needs to be divorced. No more excuses.

But when I think about it, really think about it, there are a few things that I want that I have not admitted to or shared out loud. If I’m going to have it all, here is what I would add to the list:

  • Child. I want one. Doesn’t have to be a baby.. but a child. That I can raise. It is not about giving birth, it is about having an experience and a positive impact in this world. But is this even reasonable? I am almost 45…and I do love my sleep. I want this, but only if I have a great partner. Doing it alone is not for me.
  • Work Part Time. Especially important if I have a kid. I do not want to deal with unrealistic expectations and unreasonable hours.
  • Freedom. I want a partner for life. But I also want the freedom to experience others once in a while. I’m not sure that monogamy is possible…  so many cheaters.. why be a cheater when you can be honest and up front with a partner?  Is this possible – to make an agreement that is amenable to both parties re: sexual liaisons?

I know. These others are very big deals and difficult to discuss…  I am not sure how important they are to me until I meet a partner that is worthy of having this discussion with.

Work.  New Adventure.  So I found a new job.  I signed the employment agreement last week.  I officially start in June but will be doing some work prior to starting.  Ever since this happened, I am experiencing anxiety.  I did so much due diligence on the company and the leadership team, I cannot imagine that this is why the anxiety has kicked in. I think that my last job really had a negative impact on me. I’m lucky I have a few months to get over whatever is going on….

Family.  As you all know my family has been through a lot in the last 6 months.  Things are smoothing out… AbFab is speaking with her mother again, the girls have seen their Grandma again…  My twin is doing very well. The cats are healthy for now..  My parents are my parents – retired and loving it.

Not sure what else there is to share… I’m exhausted and need to go to bed. Please share your journey and/or thoughts.

Currently Unemployed.

my name is unemployedYep.  Last week I was going about my business at work when I was called into a conference room by the president of the company.  The purpose of the meeting was to discuss the reasons why customers are not renewing their contracts with the company.  I have shared this information with the executive team for months… so it was odd that he wanted to meet with me to discuss.

Apparently the executives didn’t hear (or want to hear) the truth. Based on the feedback I received (which is ironic because the person delivering the news NEVER spoke with any of my customers) was that the customers churned because they didn’t get the “attention they needed”.  They certainly were not – the company did not support any initiatives to improve customer issues.  I was terminated on the spot.  My computer confiscated.  I wasn’t quite walked out, but the closest I’ve ever been to it.

This company was horrible – the worst working experience I’ve had to date from a company perspective (Man Hands was the worst colleague I’ve ever worked with).  It had a terrible company culture, the leadership was significantly lacking in integrity, SaaS experience, and product delivery.  I knew something was wrong 3 weeks into the job but I didn’t want to admit I had made a mistake.  I put my head down and did what was necessary.. I didn’t want to give up, I wanted it to work.  The lesson I have learned – trust my instincts.  

I will write more later on this topic as it’s a juicy one.  I just wanted to provide an update to my friends out there that I don’t speak to on a regular basis.

What is next for me?  Right now I’m taking some time off. I am in Utah helping my very pregnant niece and her family. … I am spending some quality time with my grand nieces Mayonaise and Shanaynay.  Right now  I want to take 6 months off, re-evaluate my career, and find something that I’m going to love.  I definitely do not have the means to do this so I’m am thinking of ways to make enough to cover my expenses while I think through what I need, where I want to live, and what I want to be when I grow up.   I’m seriously considering obtaining a TEFL certificate and returning to Turkey to teach English.  Why not?

I’d love to hear from anyone who has taken a hiatus from their regular work, who has shifted careers in mid-life, or that has taught English abroad…

Taking Some Time Off.

southern_coast_of_turkey

Hello all.

So much has happened in these last few months.

  • Family – AbFab’s husband lost his legs in a work accident.  Here is a news video of how he survived – inspirational.  They are both so strong, so resilient. The kids – Mayonaise and Shanaynay are doing well and they love their dad with or without legs.
  • Travel – I had an opportunity to go to Turkey and I did it.  I went to Turkey for 10 days with one of my best friends – Unicorns. She suggested it one week, we booked our tickets the next week, then we left the next week. Impromtu.  It was one of, if not the best trip I’ve ever taken. More on this later.
  • Work – not going well at all…the product doesn’t work and leadership is lacking – in both inspiration and direction.  Every team works in silo’s – Sales selling product we don’t have, Product delivering product that doesn’t work.  Since I work with customers every day, I feel the chaos. These people, our customers, put their careers on the line to purchase and adopt our technology. And we consistently let them down.

So, I’ve made a decision.  I made it a few weeks ago, but I’ve been letting it stew in my brain for a bit before making it a reality.  I am resigning.  I will let my manager know on Friday. My last day will be Nov. 13th. I am resigning before having another job.   My plan is to get centered again. This will include spending time with myself, getting healthy, traveling, and reconnecting with family and friends.

Not only will I be starting an exercise regimen, I will be traveling.  I plan to go back to Istanbul during the Thanksgiving holiday. Then I plan to spend a few weeks in Utah with AbFab and her family. I will also see my twin sister and my parents. My goal during this time away from work is to focus on me and doing what makes me happy.  And in my spare time I will look for work.

I am aware that this is extremely risky.  But I am burnt out. I may just do some consulting work and continue to think well into 2016…  Only time will tell what opens up to me.  But I’m not doing “this” again – busting my ass for a company that doesn’t appreciate the work that I do. I will not make myself physically sick with stress and work overload.  I WILL find a great company, that has great leadership, and that will appreciate my skills, abilities, and what I bring to the table.  That’s it.  Until this time, I will find consulting jobs that will support me.  That is my decision.

So yes, I am throwing caution to the wind and moving forward with what my heart is telling me is the right thing for me.  Although I am tidying up things around the house and checking out local yoga studios, I will officially begin my journey of self-rediscovery on Nov. 2nd with Oprah and Deepak 21 day meditation series – Become What You Believe.  I plan to update this blog very regularly as I go through my reinvention – writing thoughts down really helps me.

If any of you have ever done this before, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what worked, what didn’t.. Or if you haven’t, I’d love to hear what you would do if you made such a decision – would you travel, stay at home, visit with family, friends, etc… ?

My next blog will be about my experience in Turkey – which I loved – both the country and the people.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig.

2015_06_OnVacationA-Train and I have returned from vacation. It was a fabulous trip, one of the best I’ve ever had in this country.  We went to Terranea Resort and Spa in Rancho Palos Verdes, just a short 45 minutes from LAX.  I would highly recommend it.  It was a fabulous resort – the room was fantastic, it had a great variety of restaurants on-site, and the service was fantastic.  It was sooo relaxing.  It was exactly what I needed.  I was surprised that A-Train treated and was into this vacation because it isn’t his style.  But he was actually fun to hang out with – he reminded me of the A-Train that I met a long time ago.

I took much needed time away from work and computers.  I checked my email only once and that was it.  I happened to get a new phone last week and I was not able to connect it to work email before I left.  It was a blessing.  It was so nice to disconnect for such a long period of time. First time in quite a few years that I stepped away from work.

I’m slowly transitioning back to the work world this week.  I’m not doing an exceptional job at it.  Good thing that tomorrow is Friday!

I have some great plans this weekend, one of which is to sit by a pool, sipping wine and catching up with my girlfriends.  Sort of like an extension of my fabulous vacation.  Living the dream.  🙂