As you all know, I filed a Civil Suit (CV2022-095431) in the USA against Tiny Trash for fraud, deception, and theft. The premise of the complaint is simple:
He actively deceived me in order to con me into purchasing a condo in Mexico (Stealing My Condo)
He is responsible for damage at my house in Chandler, AZ
He is responsible for all items he stole from me that I had to replace
Last but not least, for the safe return of the items he stole that are NOT replaceable (artwork, rug, furniture, etc. – They Steal What You Love)
As you know, he played the victim and was claiming that I squatted in HIS MX Condo. In summary, he lied to me about his financial situation. Had I known the truth, I would have NEVER entered into a real estate transaction with him. This is the biggest reason I filed the civil suit – He actively deceived me.
Currently we are in the discovery phase. This means that I have to present my case and evidence and Tiny Trash needs to present his. Well, after much delay on his side, he/his lawyer finally responded last week. There are two parts to his response, and of course, the lessons I’m learning along the way:
It’s rich folks so grab yourself a cocktail and strap in.
The $102,278.07 Invoice
Yes, you read that right. His main piece of evidence is a $102,278.07 invoice for all the work WE did at my properties, including a price on the honey-do list. That’s right. He basically created an invoice with:
a price for work WE did as a couple on the properties. He did not do them alone – we did them TOGETHER, as a couple.
things he did because he fired contractors I had hired to do the work because they were “taking advantage of me”
He is delusional – his rates are higher than experts, ie. licensed electricians, plumbers, landscapers, etc..
The examples I am about to share are just a few of the many on the invoice. They say that Narcissists are transactional… so while I thought we were in a real relationship where we do things for each other and with each other, he was keeping track of everything “he did”. This invoice is the epitome of his keeping track and wanting compensation for things he offered to do as my boyfriend.
Here is a link to all the pictures of Lincoln Lane, the house in SLC I sold. I miss that house… I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and money into this house. It was my dream home. I would NEVER have sold it had I known who Trash really was. All he had to do is tell me he found someone else. But he didn’t, because he wanted money. And I think his response to the Civil Suit proves it.
$4670 for a New Front Lawn
At the SLC home (Lincoln Ln), I wanted to have my regular landscaper to update the sprinkler system, level out the front yard, and lay new seed. The estimate was for $3000. Trash said they were “taking advantage of a single woman” and said we could do it. Yes, he put the plan together.. but did not listento me when I had concerns. I’m OCD, and the sprinklers were put in the wrong place, causing the lawn to die in certain areas. He also did not level out the yard, which I kept asking about/wanted to do – but he said it would even out … of course it didn’t, so spring came and it was bumpy and lumpy, causing water to pool in places and other places (the mounds) the grass died… It was a horrible job, but I didn’t say anything because I knew that I was supposed to be grateful. But it bugged me BIGLY. The invoice includes the following for our work – a total of $4670. So $1,670 MORE than an expert. AND I had to incur the extra expense of renting a back hoe, purchasing mulch, seed, sprinkler parts, etc.. All of which was included in the experts $3k estimate.
Here is what I could have gotten if I paid the $3000.. vs what I got with Trash’s services. Left picture is of the backyard that was professionally done. The picture on the right is what Trash delivered for $1370 MORE than the expert quoted price of $3000.
$770 to Cut Brick Wall Cut for Sliding Door
This is another perfect example of work at the SLC Lincoln Ln house. I had found an expert that cuts brick/cement for a living. He gave me an estimate of $200 to cut the brick out (two vertical 5 foot cuts) and remove the debris. This is what was required to get the new sliding glass door in the master bedroom installed. I was fine with paying this, seemed fair to me. Trash again said this expert was taking advantage of me, a single woman… so he offered to do it himself. What does Tiny Trash think HE deserves for this small job? $770. – $570 MORE than an expert. FYI – the job took him maybe 3 hours, and this included the time to run to Home Depot to pick up and return the saw required to cut the brick. I had additional expenses that are not included in his estimate – I paid for for the saw rental, for a new blade (which was expensive!), AND the removal of the debris. None of these additional expenses would have been incurred IF we had just left it to the expert. So all in all, having Tiny Trash do this job, at his prices and the extra expenses by NOT having the expert do it, costs me an extra $800-$900. Ridiculous-ness.
$285 to Power Wash the Driveway
This one is good. Why? Because there was a local high school kid going around the neighborhood offering to power wash peoples driveway. I have a large driveway so he quoted me $100. I thought it was a good deal. Trash, however, did not. He offered to do it, so I purchased a power washer and he spent an hour power washing the driveway. Now he is invoicing me for 3 hours at $95/hour for a total of $285. I’m shaking my head.
The driveway is large… but I would have MUCH rather hired the teen boy for $100 and NOT purchased a power washer… Again, just sharing the tip of the iceberg here.
He then had an additional 2 weeks to make a “reasonable effort” to get his things from the house.
He took some of his things – his bed, his two dining tables, all the kitchen stuff (including the dishes, tupperware, silverware, pots, pans, etc. (I have pictures of the empty cabinets… so these line items are pure fraud. And quite frankly, Tupperware is not THAT expensive… ) He also took a lot of my stuff – rugs, towels, cleaning supplies, bedding, art (Steal what you love part 1). But he made ZERO attempt to get the things he has invoiced me for in the 8+ weeks he had unfettered access to the house.
Guess what he is invoiced me for the items HE HIMSELF DID NOT PICKUP and where legally disposed of? $18,299.30. Yep, that’s right. $18,299.30. Let’s also remember that most of the furniture in the house he stole from Lola, his ex-girlfriend before me. I find it rich that he is charging a premium for furniture he stole from someone else.
What did I do with the items he left? I donated the items to helpvets.org and gave him the receipt so he could use it as a tax write-off.
The kicker here – is the invoice is dated January 2022. This item, and the directTV charges (all directTV items were returned to his employer), happened Oct 2022. I could go on and on and on… but I won’t, I think these examples prove my point.
The Mexico Condo
In true form, and as I outlined in Do Not Mingle Finances post, Trash finally publicly states his plan is to steal MY condo. Here is the “settlement offer” my lawyer and I received last week.
Option 1: Sell the property. I get my initial investment back (so he finally admits he didn’t pay a dime for the condo), but that we SPLIT the proceeds evenly. He does NOT mention that I paid for all repairs and that he collected all the rental proceeds. So basically, he wants to make money on my money.
Option 2: I buy him out. Essentially, I pay him $100k to go away. At least he finally admits, in black and white, what he is really about.
The entitlement is MIND BOGGLING.
Both options include dismissing the eviction judgement for $11,053.00(Evicting the Ex) AND release him from paying my legal fees in this Civil Suit. We would NOT be here, both of us incurring legal fees, if he had just done the right thing from the beginning. The audacity.
Lessons Learned
This situation has been tough. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo while all of this goes on. What I realized during this Civil Suit discovery phase is that it is going to take forever and I cannot put my life on hold. I need to learn to compartmentalize my life. Deal with this stuff when I need to. Focus on rebuilding my life and moving forward when I’m not dealing with this lawsuit. I am actively working on figuring this out now – what do I want to do with the rest of my life? What can I do now to inch forward and not let this situation stop me from moving forward and getting me down?
Today was a tough day. Today, April 26th 2023, was the Order of Possession trial in Mexico. I am physically and mentally exhausted.
What is an Order of Possession?
I cannot find any good websites that describe it, but basically, it’s a court order that states that one person has exclusive rights to occupy a unit/home. Tiny Trash is listed as a co-owner of the property on the private contract (explained in my Don’t Mingle Finances post), but with this court order, I am the only one who can be in possession of the condo. Meaning if he comes near the unit, does any damage, he can be taken to Mexican jail. Think of it as a USA version of an Order of Protection but for a piece of property. So as long as I’m in the condo, I am safe… but if I leave the condo, and Tiny Trash decides to harm me, its allowed because the Order of Possession ONLY protects the condo from his wrath.
I tried to obtain the USA version of an Order of Protection in Mexico, but from what I was told by my lawyer, this is nearly impossible to obtain in MX. Apparently Mexico is behind the times when it comes to protecting victims of domestic violence. Not to say that the USA has a one up – as we all know, the US version of an OOP is just a piece of paper and law enforcement doesn’t take them seriously (otherwise Forensic Files and Dateline wouldn’t have 20+ seasons each).
Why Do I Have an Order of Possession?
Well, after I discovered Tiny Trash’s double life, I broke up with him. However, all my stuff was in Mexico, as I had planned to return to MX to live with him. We agreed that I could get all my things Labor Day Weekend in September 2022. He would not give me the code to the condo until the day I was driving down – August 31st. Throughout the following days, he would remove the code and not allow me into the condo or the MX house to obtain my things. It was a game he was playing – removing my access unless I talked with him, which I would not. Days and days of this BS. After he broke into my Chandler home on September 7th (Home Invasion #1) , I knew I was not safe and hired a lawyer both in Mexico and the USA.
I began working with Rogelio, my MX attorney on seeking an order of possession, but thanks to Tiny Trash’s break-in on September 13th 2022 (2nd Break-in), it was granted almost immediately. Scariest day of my life. It took forever to serve him in Mexico, but once served, the Order of Possession went into effect. He was finally served while he was with Laura and friends at his Princesa D108 condo.
He could have left well enough alone, after all, he has contributed $0 to the condo AND he made money on my money (Don’t Mingle Finances). But nope, he appealed this order of possession. And today was his day in court to prove his case – why he should also possess and occupy the unit.
What is Mexican Court Like?
Mexican court is very interesting – in some ways it’s the same as the US court system – inefficient, behind the times, etc.. What makes it extra complex for Americans is the requirement to translate EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING.
So in the USA, when you have court, you have a judge, a court reporter, you have lawyers ask questions, witnesses give answers, etc.. Witnesses do not get to hear everyone’s testimony, they are called in when it is their turn. SAME in Mexico for the most part.
Here are the differences:
there is no judge, there is a Secretary that types into a computer the questions and answers.
there are multiple people in the room: the Secretary, the witness, the interpreter, and the lawyers.
We each were allowed 2 witnesses:
Tiny Trash picked his brother and Abe, a guy that works for him.
I had Justine, the former B509 property manager and person who helped with the original purchase of B509, and Cesar, the bodyguard that was present when Tiny Trash broke into the B509 condo
There is only one witness in the room at all times. The courtroom is a small room and there is no waiting room, so when we were not being interviewed, we stood outside or sat in our cars.
At the end of all the testimony, the lawyers and translators review the documentation.
If all looks good, the Secretary prints the documents, and everyone who participated in the day has to sign the paperwork along the borders.
Given this, it took from 11am to 5:30pm to complete all the “interviews”, prepare the documents, and have everyone sign the documents.
So What Happens Now?
The judge will get a file that is thick as thieves — evidence submitted (police reports, ring doorbell recordings, apostiled documents from the USA (my order of protection, the financial statements that show I paid 100% for the condo, all of the Chandler police reports, etc), witness statements from the court hearing today, etc.. The judge will determine the outcome. I understand he will make a decision within 3-5 days.
So, we wait.
Why was this so hard for Me?
It’s the first time I have seen him since the USA Order of Protection hearing on Nov. 9th (OOP Upheld). So the good news is he looks HORRIBLE. I can’t believe that I found him remotely attractive at any point. His beer gut, his man boobs, and now he has a short haircut that makes his head look like a special needs child that needs a helmet. Outside of his physical appearance, I finally saw him for who he really is – a conman, a self-entitled, selfish, what is yours is mine guy that has zero moral compass.
It shook me hard. It’s like a lightning bolt hit me – I was way too trusting, too nice.
I’ve been in shock since August of last year. I don’t go out, I don’t get to know people. I am alone almost 100% of the time. It has been really hard for me to come to grips with the fact that I was with someone that I thought I knew, but in the end, it was all a con:
He knowingly lied to me (he never had the money for the condo); he never intended to pay me back for his 1/2 of the condo
He took all the rental income; did not give me a penny
And now he wants to profit from my investment
I’m still shook by all of this. Since November 2022, I have basically been self isolating. I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, I don’t want want or need any drama in my life. I don’t go out. I work from home… I’ve gone weeks without leaving my house (thank you Door Dash!).
Right now, I’m just done. I’m done with people, with humans….. I need to find a therapist to help me through this period. Just know I’m working on it. I’ll get there. But if you do not hear from me, it’s because I am trying to figure things out and heal myself.
Lessons Learned
Same lessons I speak of all my previous posts – don’t trust anyone:
Always do a background check before dating anyone.
Speak to the ex prior to engaging in the new relationship
Never co-mingle money
Please pass / forward this blog onto other women who may be going through the same thing. The more we ladies a) stick together, and b) learn from each other, the less havoc these conmen will wreak in our lives.
I’m going to bed now. Going to have a good cry, hug my new cat Josie, and hope that I can sleep as I have a shit-ton of work to do tomorrow.
WARNING – This is a very long post…. its is a 2 day adventure through a breakup with a lying, cheating narcissist. It is written 7 month post-breakup and in a journalistic format. Only truths and receipts here. I am doing this post for my Lawyer, who has asked me to put together a timeline of “how things came to light”.
So much has come out about my “relationship” with the Ex over the last 7 months. It is clear we were in two very different relationships – I was with him because I loved and trusted him, he was in it to con me out of my money. This has been the hardest for me to come to terms with – that everything he presented to me about himself and how he felt about me was false and fraudulent. I also still feel incredibly gullible for falling for it all… but my friends remind me, over and over again, that I was actively deceived and I could not have seen it coming.
You must know, first and foremost, that we had a relationship based on trust (or so I thought). We had agreed early on in our relationship that if either of us ever wanted out of the relationship OR met someone else that we wanted to pursue, we would be forthright and tell the other person. AT 50 years old, there is no reason to spend time and energy in a relationship with someone who does NOT want to be with you. So while I was away, selling my house so we could live our lives together in Mexico like we had planned in late May 2022, I had absolutely no reason to doubt him:
a) we had this agreement,
b) we communicated daily,
c) he never mentioned his new “special friend” to me, and
d) we were still talking about our future together.
With that said, this post is long and is divided into four parts:
So here goes… get some coffee, some wine, some snacks, cause here we go!
How I came to find the truth (through his lies)
I don’t even know where to begin. So much happened in the days between August 23rd and August 26th 2022. Three days is all it took to turn my world upside down. The amount of lies and gaslighting that happened is still mind-boggling to me. He kept badgering me to talk, but I knew nothing that came out of his mouth would be the truth so I kept the entire conversation in WhatsApp. And I’m glad I did because now I have proof of his depravity and active deception.
He came over to the Chandler house on August 23rd. I had driven a trailer full of stuff down from SLC (I had, after all, just sold my house and moved to Chandler). The trailer was sitting outside in the driveway (against HOA policy) because Trash’s car was in the garage. Tiny Trash was to supposed to remove his car from the garage before I arrived so I could put the trailer in the garage, but he didn’t do it. He told me he was in MX working (which was a lie). So on August 23rd he came over around 2pm-ish, walked inside without knocking, took a call with CPS, then went into the garage to get his car out of the garage. Once the car was out, he helped me back the trailer into the garage. After we completed this, we went inside to have dinner and go to bed. After dinner he sprung it on me that he was going to stay the night with his ex-wife… which is an unbelievable story. He also mentioned that he borrowed a mutual friends car…. and he also left green drink supplements at my house. These three things got me thinking… and so I began to do some investigating in the early morning hours of August 24th 2022.
Lie #1: Staying the Night with the Ex-Wife
Its not in the phone text below, but you can see below on 8/23/22 at 9:54pm he says “call me”. He had just left the Chandler house after telling me he was going to “spend the night at his ex-wife’s house“. I didn’t believe him. I called him – he told me not to worry, that I had nothing to worry about. He loved me, but that his son was NOT doing well and needed him. I called bullshit on this story. I have confirmed with his ex-wife that he did NOT spend the night at her house. She also confirmed that she doesn’t have a couch. SO he lied bigly.
Lie #2: The Borrowed Car
As you can see above, he tells me that he borrowed his friends car. I reached out to the friend. She got back to me a day later. He absolutely did NOT borrow her car — Whatever he did, I don’t care. There should be no reason to lie about this …. unless he was hiding something. Which he was.
Lie # 3: The Green Supplement Drink
Anyone who knows Tiny Trash knows he doesn’t drink anything but alcohol or water. So anyone with half a brain knows him drinking a green smoothie is a bold faced lie. “Its a cleanse and I wanted to try it” is just so ridiculous. This was when I stopped taking his calls.
His Own Comments with Mutual Friends
So given the lies above above, I was in a state of shock, but I knew there could be no good explanation for the lies. I didn’t care what he did, how he did it, when he did it. He lied to me – more than once. And no one lies unless they have something to hide.
Because I had an asset to protect, my Princesa B509 Condo, I reach out to a friend to see if she would take over managing my Princesa B509 Condo (see how he is attempting to steal my Condo here) . She let me know that Tiny Trash had let her and her husband know that we had broken up and she was sorry to hear it. I said it was news to me and asked if she would be willing to take back over managing the condo. She said yes… Then I asked her what Tiny Trash had shared with her while I was away… Boy, it was a doozy. Other friends came forward to share… and what came to light was:
Trash had told folks in my friend circle that we had broken up.
Tiny Trash was with Laura at a bar, and when my friend approached him to say hi and ask him how I was doing. Trash told my friend that he didn’t know, that I was “three girlfriends ago”.
Another friend spotted him at a table for two at our “special place”, Pane e Vino, the very same place we had our 90 day review/conversation at the end of May. We discussed how hard it had been with his son living with us, but that HE still wanted to move forward together. We agreed on the next steps in our relationship (sell my SLC house, purchase property in MX and build a house, take the RV for a month long RV trip), etc..
So basically, while I was away, following through on our agreed upon plan, Tiny Trash found himself a new girlfriend. I was devastated…. I was in shocked to my very core. I was numb. I had yet to wrap my head around what I had just done – sold my personal residence in Salt Lake City Utah, packed up myself, my cats, and HIS DOG and traveled by myself from SLC to Chandler with a car and a trailer. I gave up a good life, a beautiful home, moved to a place where I knew NO ONE except for him, only to find out that the person I did all this for was a man-child who had zero integrity or moral compass, who purposely and actively deceived me for the entirety of our relationship.
His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages
So I moved off of text and onto Whatsapp for all communication starting August 24th 2022. I would not speak to him. I did not trust anything that came out of his mouth, I wanted everything in writing. And I’m glad I did that, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do the same thing, especially if you are dealing with a liar, cheater, manipulator, and/or a violet person.
WORDS OF WISDOM: If you ever find ourself in this position, NEVER take his calls. Narcissists and master manipulators are very good at gaslighting you into thinking that you are crazy. DO NOT TALK TO THEM while you are vulnerable. Let them explain themselves in text and take your time with your responses. Use your brain, not your heart.
Here is the exchange between us, with commentary, from August 24th – 26th 2022. Tiny Trash is on the left in Grey, I am on the right, in Green. These are the exchanges, what you must know was that I was in complete shock; my body was shut down, my mind was numb… I was so hurt, just devastated… and to feel this way and continue to hear him lie, over and over again was so traumatic.
So yes, once I found out he had a whole ass girlfriend, I removed him from all my accounts (credit cards, utilities, anything that we shared) as would anyone else in this situation. He then says its “extreme” and I’m “f*king dumb” for doing this.. Really? WHO WOULDN’T DO THIS?
You will see in the next section that this is a clear lie… Trash and Lauras Relationship status on FB changed to “In a Relationship” 14 days PRIOR to this series of lies… on August 14th 2022. HE KNEW he was lying and he just kept on going… And a special sidenote that this is the exact date, August 14th 2022, is the same day that Tiny Trash asked his ex (before me) for a blowjob AT HER HOUSE in HER Master Bedroom. The Ex cleaned her house on Aug. 13th. Trash was unhappy with the service, had her come back on the 14th, where he asked her for a blowjob in the new master bedroom. So does a cheetah change their spots? Not in my book.
So I begin asking him questions. If you do not have a new GF, then why the rumors? Because rumor has it he had been all over town with her, she stayed at the house we shared Costa Diamante Mexico, he stayed with her and her kids at the Princesa Condos, they visited “our” restaurants together… Here are the two days of WhatsApp transcripts full of his lies and gaslighting.
Umm, yeah, people can and did say different. Trash and Laura were all over Princesa the entire summer. As a matter of fact, when I got back into my B509 unit, there was viagra everywhere. I knew it was his… so he had the audacity to take her to MY CONDO…. just disgusting.
And this is where it gets ugly.. trying to get my phone number back from my cheating Ex.. and him being “indignant” that I would accuse him of cheating with a “married woman”… Here it comes peeps, strap in.
Like dude, leave me alone. I said I never wanted to see you again. Do NOT come near me, ever again! Jees. A bit of history: while Tiny Trash was in Utah helping me move from July 27th through August 2nd, he purchased a car for me, a blue 2008 Audi Q8, a tire went flat….. I wanted to purchase the car on my own, but he insisted on buying it for me. I was just trying to get the flat fixed on this car that I thought was mine.
FYI – the rim was not messed up.
I’d really like to know who he thinks is “nobody” because everybody I knew in Mexico knew about Laura… The only person that did not know was ME!! So I must be the nobody he speaks of here.
In my above comment about “last weekend”, this was the weekend of Aug. 18th-22nd when we, we being Trash, myself, and his two sons, were to be at baseball games together. I later discovered he was NOT in Mexico and instead went to the games with Laura.
And here we go about getting the “real” story about Laura. He had originally told me that he had “old friends” stay with him at our Costa Diamante house (by OUR I mean the fact that we lived there together, Trash absolutely is the sole owner wrt mortgage). From what I know know, Laura was NOT an old friend, but a very new friend, that he forgot to mention to his current girlfriend, aka ME.
I have since found out that he did post on Facebook as did Laura and her friends, but he was able to block me from seeing these photos. I have friends who began sharing these photos with me, so let’s just say, that he knew at the time I didn’t know how Facebook works, but I do now. He blocked me from seeing what he was doing, period. End of story.
Yes, let’s talk about the RV. I gave Trash $6000 to pay the RV guy. Trash did NOT give the RV guy his money. He kept it for himself. So I had to pay MORE money to get the RV back from the paint guy. Just more $$ that Trash stole from me.
Just highlighted above how he said he would never mess with my phone service. I wanted to take my phone line back, but he would not let me (wouldn’t call to approve it, wouldn’t give me the code to do it myself). And he is “that way”. Within 2 weeks he had my service shut off because I would not talk to him. You can read all about it here).
So apparently Laura and all her friends knew about me, knew he loved me, and they like me (see the “Yes all of them like u”).. . I then ask for their contact details so I can confirm this. Because in a mature relationship, if they know about me, and they are “just friends”, shouldn’t I be aware of them as well? How does anyone like me if they have never met me??!?
Seeking comment from my readers: I’d like to know how many of you would be o.k. with YOUR boyfriend entertaining a new lady friend that he has NOT told you about at a party where ALL of your friends are in attendance. Rumors are flying. He is very much enjoying himself with her. And I can guarantee you that if I showed up at a party with a new guy where all his friends were, he would go ballistic. It is the double standard of a Narcissist, or a cheater in general.
Also notice how its Justine’s fault because she was ONE of the multiple people who told me. Every one of our friends was at this party, not just Justine.
So I ask him above if he took Laura to Pane e Vino, which is our special place. He knew it was our special place, which is why I asked him. His response below is “f*&k no”…. which I know is NOT true based on the first hand account of a friend.
For whatever reason, Trash continues to blame Justine for his actions, never taking accountability for his behavior.
Please note the retaliation is real. Trash has spent his entire time since August 2022 retaliating against Justine and her friends. He has publicly threatened her and her dogs, to the point she has filed a police report, added 24/7 security to her home, and faces his retribution on a weekly if not daily basis TO THIS DAY.
The going gets good here. If his behavior is so innocent, I ask to speak to Laura…. he loses it —
NOTE: That the exchange I share in the above WhatsApp message is a text exchange between Trash and a friend stating that we (he and I) agreed to not speak for 3 weeks. Which never happened. We never agreed to this, we spoke all the time. Like I mention in my comments to him is that I wanted/needed to have deeper conversations with him but he didn’t make the time. For example, the Lehi house needed a new floor, we needed to talk about it. He wouldn’t make time for this conversation SO I MADE THE DECISION myself (which of course he didn’t agree with). I figured it out later it is because he was spending all his time with Laura.
These next sets of messages get to the heart of the matter. Where he finally admits that he is “friends” with Laura. Based on what I know now, he began a relationship with Laura in June BEFORE we left Mexico. I don’t care when they started having sex. He began a new relationship with another woman and did not tell me about it FOR MONTHS. If you can’t tell your partner about a new friendship, or you have to hide a relationship from your partner, that is cheating. Period.
FYI – that picture in the whatsApp is of Trash with Laura and her friends on Aug. 22nd which you can find below in the timeline. It’s the weekend he told me he couldn’t go to the game with me and his boys because he was in Mexico. Clearly he was not in Mexico. Just another lie.
And now its my fault – He is not the liar, I am the insecure one – umm hmmm, gaslighting at it finest.
and on and on and on… until finally he admits to seeing Laura. And you know why I think he did this? Because I reached out to Laura myself to get the truth.. Did I get it from her? No, not really. Here is what I wrote Laura on Aug 25th 2022.
And here is when he finally admits to dating Laura – on August. 26th at 4:09 in the morning.
I wrote Laura back, thanking her for her help. And that was the end of the communication with Laura. She never wrote me back. I never reached out to her again. I did have to block her after she publicly stated untruths about me. She clearly is not not a girls girl and has/had no intention of being mature about the situation she and Trash created.
From what I understand, she knew Trash had a girlfriend and she didn’t care one bit. She could not have missed it when she stayed at Costa Diamante or the Chandler house – my stuff is all over the place. She is not a girls girl, not a girl who has another woman’s back. As far as I am concerned, they deserve each other.
The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life
At the end of the day, after 7 months, here is the timeline I’ve pieced together of the 3 months: June – August 2022.
June 8-12th 2022: they may have met sooner, but they definitely met at the Roger Clyne Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos concert that started June 8th 2022. I remember Tiny Trash acting weird during the concert – he kept leaving me in the VIP area while he was hanging with friends near the bands… I finally went over to see what he was up to, and he disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone (again). Then the entire weekend, he got up in the morning telling me he had to “go to work”, only to end up at Manny’s to party. I didn’t have a car and did not have a way to join him, which was probably exactly what he wanted (just another isolation tactic). Guess who is no-where in the pictures of that weekend EVEN Though I was AT THE CONCERT?? Yep, me. So based on this post and what I’ve learned from friends, I believe he planned to be with Laura and the others.. and didn’t want me to get “in the way”…. SO this is one of the reasons I think he connected with her prior to this weekend.
June 24th 2022 – he made her an admin of his FB Keepers and Creepers group. He would not let go control unless they were “close”. He did this while he was with me in Kanab UT, on our 8 week trip to move me down to Mexico. I still had no idea this “just a friend” existed. All of a sudden, June 24th, he got a big project in MX and had to leave Kanab to head back to MX on June 25th 2022. It was a lie- he was heading back to spend the July 4th weekend with Laura. It’s all just so clear now. He lived a double life and I was the sucker for trusting him, supporting him so he could live his dream of building a business down in Mexico.
July 4th weekend – Laura and her friends stayed in our MX Costa Diamante house… not “old friends” as Trash had told me. Didn’t she and others find it strange that all my stuff was there, in the master bedroom?!! They partied all weekend together… Makes me sick to my stomach to think she rummaged through my stuff and HE allowed it.
July 2022 – He blocked off my Chandler house the entire month of July. Told me it was too Hot in MX and that he wanted to spend time with his kids…. Instead, he hosted a “Singles Party” on July 10th with Laura and a few other other ladies. Charged the entire party on my credit card (over $600 in booze and food). Laura also stayed there long enough for my address to be registered to her name. I STILL get mail for her at the house (It’s now April 2023). At this time, Trash was texting me pictures of him with his family, having dinners at my place, telling me he was going to bed early…. he made absolutely no mention that his “new friend” Laura was staying at my house OR that he was using my house to host singles parties.
August 14th 2022 – The day their FB relationship status changed to be “IN a relationship” with each other. This is 4 days BEFORE he was to meet me in Chandler to go to the Baseball game with his kids and then move to Mexico. We also had a 90 day review policy. Because of this I do not think his “in a relationship” FB status on August 14th is random. It is most likely the 90 day mark as too when they started officially “seeing each other”, however they defined it, on or near June 14th. Which makes sense to me, because that was the weekend of the Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos that Trash was behaving strangely – The very same concert that I went to, that I worked side-by-side with him, that we attended together with our friends.
August 22nd – Tells me he is in MX working, which is why we could NOT go to the Baseball games with his sons. But really he is in town with Laura celebrating god knows what.
And the rest is history. The section above shares with you what happened on August 23rd moving forward. So yes, I I learned about Laura on August 24th/25th. But clearly there was a lot more going on behind my back prior to me discovering their affair.
Which leads me to the next section… Read on and learn from my mistakes folks.
Summary & Lessons Learned
Having had 7 months to recover from the shock of it all, look back at inconsistencies, have friends and acquaintances share tidbits of info… slowly but surely the truth came out and is what I’ve shared is all I know at this point.
Lesson learned: The truth will always come to light. The goal is to leave after the first offense/sign of disrespect because:
They most likely have been doing it over and over and over, they just got caught this time
Narc’s love to be friends with their ex’s and always have multiple FWB’s hanging around. Narcs love to keep their ex’s around as backup…. I learned this the hard way…. Trash has a lot of ex/FWB friends he hooked up with while we were together.. this is above and beyond the strangers he would find to bang AND in addition to Laura
Things can and will never be the same once trust is broken
If you have made it this far, congratulations. You have probably been through something similar and have spent a lot of time dissecting it in and effort to understand what happened and move on.
Final Words of Wisdom
IF you are in a relationship with a narcissist, master manipulator, gaslighter, liar, and/or cheater: get out the first time they show you who they are. If you do not they will hurt you over and over again… It took me finding out about this one girl to leave. But since I’ve been out of the relationship, I have learned that there were plenty of other women he was with besides Laura. Outside of what I’ve shared above:
He had an ongoing affair with his ex before me. Sex in my house, sex in hotel rooms, sex in Mexico, wined and dined her both in Mexico and in Arizona. You name it, they did it. He told her I was a “business transaction” and that they would get back together when he was done with me.
His truck was never in the driveway of our house in Mexico when I was away on business. He never spent the night at our house when I was not home. He was out at the bars, picking up randoms when I was out of town, taking them to his Condo or Mirador Townhouse.
Sometimes he would “work late”, but was not really working… He was actually at his condo, mere blocks away, using the owners hot tub and his condo as a “f*&k pad” while I was AT HOME TAKING CARE OF HIS SON.
There are his FWB gals that he hooks up with – he had 2-3 that I am now aware of.
Lastly, there are all the vulnerable women he preys upon in his FB Groups. He loves single women going through tough divorces… so he can swoop in and look like a hero. But in reality he is just a predator stroking his ego at someone else’s expense.
So let this be a lesson to you all that the best course of action is to BE DONE the first time you find out your partner/significant other has strayed – because you can be guaranteed that you did NOT catch him the first time.
When you find out something that breaks a boundary. Leave. It WILL NEVER GET BETTER. And once you leave, you will discover a lot more, and from what I’ve learned from the experts, what you actually learn about is only 10% of what truly went on. So if the above is only 10%…. I can only imagine what else will come to light during the civil suit discovery and trial.
I met a man we will call Trash while on vacation in Puerto Penasco/Rocky Point Mexico in April of 2021. We hit it off. We started seeing each other long distance — two weeks on, two weeks off. Every two weeks we would see each other either in my home in Salt Lake City (SLC) Utah, or at his condo in Puerto Penasco. We did this from May to December 2021.
In August/September timeframe, things were going so well, we talked about selling one of my rental properties and purchasing a property closer to Mexico (reduce travel)… So in September, I sold my Duplex and purchased a nice home in Chandler Arizona via a 1031 Exchange. I would use it mostly as an airBnB, but planned to also use it personally — to be closer to Trash and Mexico, reduce some of the travel time.
After this purchase, Trash asked me to move in with him in Mexico. I had a job where this was possible (remote work is the best!)… and I was thrilled things were going so well between us.
So in November, I started the process of turning my beloved SLC house into a short-term rental (STR). I chose to go with Evolve.com as my marketing and scheduling service and hired a property manager.
In December 2021, I packed up my RV and drove down to Puerto Penasco with my two cats Sophie and Zoey. We arrived on Dec. 23rd 2021, the day before Trash’s birthday.
We lived together in his house in Mexico… when we needed to go to the United States, we would stay at the Chandler house. Usually only a few days in-between rentals. It was a nice life. The only challenge at the time is that his 13 year old teen son was living with us.. It was a tough time for Trash and his son…. but because I had been through a similar situation with my niece, I felt that I was the perfect person for him, I understood the challenges and could be there for him.
His son left May 25th 2022. A few days later, we went to “our” restaurant and had our 90 day review (more on this later)… We agreed that things had been tough (having his son living with us was VERY challenging – he ran away, in MX, 4 times!!).. Even with the challenges, we decided we wanted to continue forward and be together. WE decided that we would not be spending time in SLC for the summer as we had originally anticipated. So together, WE made the decision to sell my SLC house. It took about a week to get it listed, and within 48 hours I had two over-asking offers. I accepted one… and WE made the plan to spend 8 weeks packing my shit up and move it to Mexico, where we would live full-time. We left Mexico in his truck, with all the pets, and headed North. We stopped in Kanab, UT for the week of June 20th to fix some things at one of my other rental properties.
Again, we were supposed to be together for the entire 8 weeks. But while in Kanab, he said he just got a big project in MX and that he needed to return to MX to get started. I support him and his work, I had no reason to believe this was not the truth. So we made the decision to divide and conquer — on June 25th, He drove back to MX by himself and I rented a car and drove myself and all the pets to SLC to begin packing/moving.
Throughout June, July, and August we were still talking, texting. We put a plan in place for him to come back out the end of July and help me move. Originally I thought he was going to drive with me from SLC to Mexico, but no.. he said another big project came up. He left SLC on August. 2nd. It was not a great visit — he was purposely picking fights about stupid stuff (more on this later)…. BUT we were still have sexy time, he bought a car for me to drive while in MX (Audi Q7 — future story), he took $2800 from me for the MX house kitchen remodel (future story).
We were to reunite on Aug. 17th 2022 in Chandler AZ. He had made plans for us to go to the baseball game with his sons…. I had taken time off of work for it.. Sometime around August 10th-14th he told me the plan was no longer in place, that he had a lot of work to do. He would see me on August 23rd. I was crushed.. Here I had been packing up and moving to be with him, and I felt like I was the only one making “us” a priority. My best friend flew out from Reno to help me unpack and deal with this very uncertain time.
So Trash finally shows up on Aug. 23rd 2022. He walks into the house, take a call with CPS (dealing with the youngest child’s antics), we cleaned out the garage, unloaded my stuff from the trailer, etc..). you know, together stuff. We talked while I made dinner…. He asked to see my phone while I was making dinner… I let him. He’s my boyfriend, I trusted him, he can see whatever he wants on my phone. Well, while he had my phone, he transferred my phone line to his Verizon plan. I did not authorize this…. and this did come to bite me in the arse. I was able to remedy the situation: How I Got My Phone Number Back from My Ex.
Anyway, on this very night, as I was cleaning the dishes and I thought getting ready for bed, out of the blue he tells me that he is going to spend the night on his ex-wife’s couch because his “son needed him”. I called bullshit on this … I asked him what was going on, to be honest with me. He reiterated his son needed him. All other times his son needed him, the son(s) came to the house. I asked why his son didn’t just come to the house. He said his son wasn’t comfortable at the house. This was strange to me as his kids just spent time at the house in July (story coming soon). He left. He called me from the car and reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.
Of course I cried. I was so sad! But my gut told me that something was not right. I didn’t know what was going on… . I spend the night doing some digging, and a lot was not as he said. I caught him in lie after lie …. he still wouldn’t admit it, even when I had factual evidence/proof.
What did I find out?
That he didn’t borrow a friends car
That he didn’t have any projects in Mexico the entire summer
The entire time I was out of town he was telling everyone that we had broken up and was flaunting a new girl all over town. He met this “just a friend” on June 10th at a concert that I WAS AT WITH HIM, 10 days before we left for our 8 week “move” from SLC to Mexico.
He blocked off the Chandler house all of July and was hosting singles parties at the house.
He had a new girlfriend and was now living with her.
Trash had been living a double life — With me, on the phone, we were very much together — I was receiving texts, calls, etc about his work activities and how excited he was for my return.. In Mexico he was living a new life with his new girlfriend Laura.…. It was beyond heartbreaking to learn of all this after everything I had just done — changed my life to be with this man, only to learn I had literally been replaced while I was away.
Everyday since Aug. 25th I have awakened to some threat or action on his part to hurt, harass, stalk, and destroy me. I will tell each story, as they unfolded chronologically and with evidence.
If anyone else has been through this, I welcome words of wisdom or references…. not just for myself, but for others that may also be going through this.
When I confirmed Trash’s lies, I cut him off. He was living with his new girlfriend in Gilbert. He met her on June 10th at a concert. He started seeing her BEFORE we left Mexico on June 20th. He spend all summer with her, had her stay at MY HOUSE in Chandler while I was moving from SLC to live with him. Details are in my first post here: How I Became the Ex.
I told him I wanted no contact. I blocked him from social media, email, messaging, etc. I told him to leave me alone — to not speak to me or or come near me again. There was nothing to discuss, period.
I own a home in Chandler. I purchased it originally as a short term rental in October of 2021. But now that I no longer have my primary residence in SLC (sold in July 2022), and obviously I was NOT going to be living with Trash in Mexico…. I had no other choice but to make the Chandler house my primary residence.
Anyway, as I stated above, I told Trash to NOT come by the house. Well, he didn’t listen. He decided it was his house too (after all, he hung up lights and worked on the property so it was as much his as it was mine). Because of this, he felt that he could walk into the home whenever he wanted to. He did this 3 times. I was not going to be terrorized by this lying, cheating coward. On Sept. 6th 2022, I hired a locksmith and paid $536 to have all the locks replaced, the ring doorbell and front door lock replaced, and the garage code changed.
But he somehow he still got in (I know now that he had a garage clicker that let him in the garage, then he broke down the door between the garage and the house.) He mocked me on WhatsApp. You can see the WhatsApp conversation in the story Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1. Basically he told me that:
he was in the home
that he wasn’t going to leave until I came home and we talked
that I couldn’t kick him out because he had a lease
I called the police to have him arrested for trespassing. When the police came to the house he wasn’t there. The police called him…. he said he had a lease and had every right to be at the home (future story). The police told me that there was nothing they could do at this time, and the only way to get rid of an Ex that won’t go away is to go through the eviction process and file an order of protection. Chandler Police report 22–103692 filed on Sept. 7th 2022.
So that is exactly what I did. I hired a lawyer on Sept. 8th 2022. Given that Trash had brought up the lease as a reason to stay, the strategy was to use his reasoning/logic against him. If he had a lease, then he owed rent, and he could be evicted based on the non-payment of rent. It took almost 6 weeks to get this done. Here are the dates:
Sept 8th 2022: I began the eviction process. First Trash had to be served, then once served, he was given a 10 day grace period to respond.
Sept 29th 2022: First court hearing was scheduled for this date. Trash appealed and a hearing date was set for the following week, Oct. 6th 2022.
Oct 6th 2022: The judge decided in my favor — the house is mine, the lease was legally binding — Trash was to pay up if he wanted to stay. Trash chose not to pay. Legally he had 5 days to get his things out of the house. He only took a few of his things and stole all of my things (They Steal What You Love — Part 1 & Part 2 coming soon) .
Monday Oct. 17th 2022: The day the writ was served at the house. I met the constable and locksmith at the house. Notices were hung. Locks were changed. And that is the end of that.
December 14th 2022: Final disposition recorded – Trash’s appeal was denied. Judgement for $11,053.00 recorded and finalized. Let the garnishment begin!
Another advantage of hiring a lawyer is that I am now able to go no-contact with Trash. Meaning any/all contact Trash wants to have with me must go through my lawyer. My lawyer is a godsend and I am forever grateful to him for his support through all of this.
Now the eviction and writ only protects the house, and me WHEN I’m in the house. By this time, he had:
had made made public threats against me, my cats, and my family.
It was now time to protect myself from this person. So on Oct. 18th I began the process of getting an order of protection against him — He of course contested it. So the court date for this hearing is this week, Thursday Oct. 27th. Once I am granted the order of protection, he has to stay away from me — ZERO CONTACT — for two years. If he defies this order, he will go to jail.
This man — who cheated on me, lied to me, stole from me, who has been told dozens of times to not contact me, just will just not stop…. Makes zero sense to me.
I’m learning so much through this process, here are a few lessons from today’s story:
Don’t date a narcissistic sociopath.
Always always always arm yourself with cameras — ring doorbell, cameras (Arlo, Blink, whatever). They can be used as evidence in court.
Always get a police report for every incident — you will need proof that you are trying to protect yourself. Otherwise it is his word against yours.
No matter how much you love someone, do NOT, under any circumstances, let them move their furniture in or put any utility bill in their name. Better yet, never cohabitate with anyone — if they are a narcissist — they know the system and will make it extremely difficult to rid yourself of them.
He transferred my phone to his plan to maintain/gain control.
So people keep asking me how did Trash get my phone number transferred to his phone plan…. This is a wild story so buckle up buttercups.
When I finally saw Trash on August 23rd 2022 — first time since he helped me move in late July (future story), I was making dinner and he asked to see my phone. Of course I have nothing to hide, so I gave him my phone.
What did he do with the phone? He transferred my phone number to his plan. He had set it up prior to this day — so all he had to do was send a text message to my phone from his Verizon account/plan to approve the transfer. While he had my phone in his hands, he clicked the link he received in Messages to accept/approve the transfer. And voilà, he now had control of my phone number.
Fast Forward to Sept. 13th 2022. When I would not speak with Trash — there was nothing to say — he had cheated, lied about it, stolen from me, and basically deceived me for months … I did not believe he was capable of speaking the truth, so there was no reason to speak with him at all. This frustrated him.. and he eventually cut off my service after he broke into my Mexico Condo on Sept. 13th 2022 (Retaliation Is Real – Home Invasion #2).
I called Verizon. They told me that my number could not be transferred back to my original Verizon account without Trash’s permission. And of course Trash did NOT make me an authorized user on his plan/account. I was beside myself with anxiety…. For those of us that work in tech, this means I now had zero access to any company software systems and I was unable to access any system that used my phone number for 2-factor authentication. This was no bueno.
As you know, I filed a police report with the Mexican authorities, Police report # 1995699, for the break-in. I was searching the internet for answers and came across this article. Using this information, I called Verizon and asked them what evidence they needed to perform the line transfer. I was able to use the Mexico Police Report and the Ring Doorbell recordings as evidence to do a Verizon Domestic Violence Transfer of my phone number from Trash’s plan back to my own account.
The process took way longer than it should have and the Verizon folks on this team could certainly have shown more care/concern/sense of urgency about the situation. After emailing them for weeks with little to no response ,I finally ended up going into a Verizon retail store in Casa Grande (a 3 1/2 hour drive each way) to give them a physical copy of the police report (despite having emailed it to them many times) and share the ring doorbell recordings. Once they had this evidence, Verizon took action and I was able to renew my old account and transfer my number back into it. HUGE shout out to Sarah, I will never forget her knowledge and kindness.
This is a great program and I’d love to share more about it, but I have not been able to find anything about online. If any of you find resources, please put them in the comments so others may benefit from the information.
So that is how I lost my phone number and was able to successfully get it back.
Lesson learned for me —
I will never depend on or share a plan with anyone, ever. I will always have my own account.
I will never ever ever ever ever ever hand my phone over so freely ever again. I know a lot of people who have an open phone/sharing policy with your spouse or significant other. Never again for me. If a partner has a question about something or wants to see something on my phone, I will show it to them.
Narcs will do just about anything to stay in contact. Best solution is to go no-contact and move on.
I asked him to never contact me again. I blocked him on every platform (WhatsApp, Text message, Email, Facebook, Snapchat, etc). Instead of just moving on with his life with his new Girlfriend Laura, He:
September 2022: I had to use police reports and Ring doorbell recordings (above) to get Verizon to return my phone number to me. Story here: How I Got My Phone Number Back from My Ex
October 17th 2022: Had to be evicted from my Chandler AZ home. Story here: The Eviction Process
October 21st – November 9th 2022: I filed for an Order of Protection on October 21st 2022. Of course he appealed it. We originally had court scheduled on October 27th. however, the judge, for whatever reason, recused himself, and the hearing is now on Wednesday, Nov. 9th 2022. Order of protection was upheld – story here: Order of Protection Was Upheld
His DirectTV fraud — using my phone number and address to set up accounts. In addition, he created fake email addresses in my likeness (i.e. paula.ponderings1@gmail.com vs the real email address of paulasponderings@gmail.com).
All of the WhatsApp conversations of him harassing me AFTER I asked him to leave me alone (coming soon!)
I’ve never had to work with the police before so everything is so new to me. I’m lucky I have an amazing Arizona attorney helping me through the process.
What I’ve learned:
Narcissists will never take accountability for their actions. It’s always someone else’s fault. In this case — mine.
When dealing with an aggressive Narcissist, hire a lawyer immediately — this may very well save your life.
Always always always go no contact. Nothing they have to say is true or warrants any of your attention — as my lawyer says, “If his lips are moving, he is lying”..
Please take care of yourself out there. I had no idea these kinds of people existed.. I’m learning the hard way. Educate yourself on narcissism and their behaviors…. it will help you spot one earlier in the dating cycle and could save your life and your sanity.
Stopping narcissistic abuse/retaliation is hard work.
So Trash appealed the order of protection. The court hearing was yesterday, Nov. 9th. The judge heard the case and upheld the order of protection. This means two things:
Trash is required by law to have no-contact with me— this means no calls, no texts, no email, not to reach out on any social media accounts, and finally, to NOT be anywhere near me for the next two years. This is a win for me as I can stop living in fear that I will run into him because he is stalking me.
That I brought the right evidence to court and was able to prove all of my claims:
During the hearing, the judge warned Trash that whatever he said during this hearing could be used against him in the pending criminal and civil cases. Trash decided to testify anyway…. Trash lied in court, directly to the judge…. The judge called him out on it many times, he was not amused by any of Trash’s antics. I will be receiving a recording and a paper transcript of the hearing and using his words against him in the other criminal/civil matters.
Because he appealed the original Order of Protection, and we were forced to have this hearing, he is now required to pay court costs and attorneys fees, which is $3,932.50. Ha!
What I learned during this process:
Always keep records (dates, times, etc) of harassment and theft. Excellent record keeping will give you a lot of credibility with the courts.
Pictures and videos are the best evidence. Get yourself some cameras and a doorbell that records voice and motion.
Take pictures of everything. The pictures I took after entering the home on Oct. 17th were used as evidence in court. Judge asked TD if he broke the door — TD of course said no…. Judge did not believe him and said so directly to him.
Now, we all know that this does not mean I’m truly protected (we’ve all seen enough episodes of Forensic Files or Law And Order to know this). I will still have to call 911 if he shows up, but with the order of protection (OOP) in place, it means he can be arrested and/or go to jail.
There is a lot more work to be done. Next up on my plate is to finalize all the fraudulent credit card charges and add the information to the existing police report. I have no control over this case — the AZ Attorney General will determine if they will prosecute him for this fraud.
I hope these postings are helping others out there – see the light earlier – as to avoid going through all of this as the process is not easy. Best to see the red flags in the beginning and get out as soon as you can. I encourage you to join Narcissist TikTok or read the many great articles on on Medium to learn more about the red flags/warning signs.
Last but not least, and I am and will forever be grateful for having the funds to be able to hire an attorney and a manager that gives me time off work to handle these matters. I am grateful for my attorney and my manager for their continued support.
My fight to financially untangle myself from my Ex.
In February 2022 I purchased a condo in Mexico. Trash and I were to go in on it 50/50. Purchase price was $250,000. AT the ver last minute, the day before we were to close, Trash told me that he didn’t want to sell his stock (which is where he said he was getting his half of the purchase). He sad he would pay me back when the market improved, SO I paid for the condo myself — 100%. I got the money for this purchase by refinancing my house in Salt Lake City Utah. I was fortunate to pay all cash for the condo.
Because of the anti-laundering laws in Mexico, they would not let me wire the money from my Bank of America account because According to Mexico laws, any account that has the words “living trust” or “trustee” in it is not considered a personal checking account. Here are the emails I received the day before closing.
Email #1 from Closing Coordinator
Email #2 from Closing Coordinator
So the end result of this email exchange is that the Mexico title company could not accept the money from my account. And we were closing the very next day — Feb. 25th 2022. Given that we needed a quick solution — I transferred the total amount required to close Trash’s Bank of America account and he wired it to the title company.
What I did not do, and the biggest mistake of my life thus far, is remove Trash’s name from the Private Contract. I didn’t think to do this because he said he would pay me back. Big Mistake.
Now Trash is trying to take the condo from me — saying it’s 50% his since his name is on the Private Contract and is demanding that I pay him 1/2 — which would be approximately $150,000. It’s a big mess that I am trying to work out here in Mexico right now. Lawyers in Mexico are not cheap…. but what else can I do?
He continues to tell people that it is HIS condo and that I am stealing it from him. He’s waving around a piece of paper that says he paid for the condo and I’m squatting. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I purchased the condo. I wanted a place for my parents to stay when they come out to visit me in the winter (they live in Pennsylvania). Outside of this, we would use it as a short term rental.
Facts are:
I transferred all the closing money, a total of $255,395.24 from my Bank of America account to Trash’s Bank of America on Feb. 25, 2022.
I also paid for the earnest money deposit of $5,000. So I paid a total of totaling $260,395.24
I paid for any/all repairs or improvements. All charges were put on a credit card THAT I PAID FOR.
I never saw a dime of the short term rental proceeds. As I understand it now, he has grossed over $16,000 between March — August 2022.
I moved into the condo early September 2022 when I moved out of Trash’s house in MX. Our shared house that HE stayed in with his new girlfriend. Told me she was an “old friend” and that I had met her before (more on this later)..
So now I have two attorneys — one in the US and one in MX to fight for what is mine.
Lessons learned:
never ever ever mix finances with anyone, let alone a narcissist. They believe what is yours is theirs.. and will fight for it.
They will steal from you and not feel bad about it at all. They have zero integrity or any moral compass….
They will never do the right thing — in their mind it is all about them and what is owed to them.
At the end of the day, I am spending a lot of money on lawyers and a lot of time fighting for what is rightfully mine. This lesson is the hardest lesson I’m learning and the hardest battle I’m fighting to date. So save yourself the headache and heartache— never ever mix finances with an ex, let alone a Narcissist.
So after Tiny was evicted (story here), AZ law gives him 14 days to “make reasonable effort” to make arrangements to get his things. He had 14 days from the day after the writ was served — 10/17/22. So October 31st was his last day to make contact. He never contacted my AZ attorney, so I got the green light from my Lawyer to get rid of the stuff he left behind.
While I was making arrangements, a friend told me that the furniture Tiny Trash had convinced me to put in the house was not his; he had stolen it from his ex-girlfriend, Lola. I was mortified. Upon learning this, I reached out to Lola — shared with her what was going on, and let her know that I wanted to return her things to her. She responded, and we agreed to meet at my house.
To say I was nervous is an understatement. I had so much anxiety about it I took a Xanax. Tiny had told me so many horrible things about her — how she wanted him back, she was stalking him, she was sending nude photos of herself to him when we were together. He said it was so bad he had to block her.
Well, as you all can guess, none of this was true. The truth is:
He never blocked her; they have always been in communication
She was not stalking Trash; Trash was stringing her along; breadcrumbing her. He told her that I was just a “business transaction” and alluded that they would get back together as soon as he was “done” with me
Yes she sent pictures to him, of her in her swimsuit (she has great boobs).. because she thought they were getting back together
She is a lovely woman who also had her heart broken by this monster
So the truth is, while Trash and I were doing the two-week on, two-week off time between May and December of 2021, He was stringing her along. I saw all the texts. She continued to ask him if he had a girlfriend … he insists that he was single — The very same thing he did to me after I arrived in Chandler, when questioning him about Laura, his new supply/girlfriend. I went from feeling scared to feeling compassion and empathy for this woman. She has been through so much, she is still hurting, just like me, for being so actively deceived. She has been traumatized. AND she still agreed to meet with me.
I also found out that in the early morning hours of January 8, 2022, mere weeks after I arrived in Mexico to live with him (Dec. 23rd 2021), she had made arrangements to pick up her things from Trash’s MX Mirador townhouse. She showed up early to avoid seeing him. Like 6 am early. She got up early to get her stuff before going fishing. Trash showed up and attacked her — pressured her to have sex with him. So while I am laying in his bed, in the MX Costa Diamante house that we now called home, he got up early to harass, intimidate, and attack Lola. She showed me pictures of her bruises and the text exchange between them. He’s a disgusting human being for treating anyone like this.
Anywhoo, she came over to my house. We identified the furniture that was hers. She does not have a place to store it, so we agreed I would list it for sale and give her the money. Of course the sold price is a fraction of what she originally paid for it….. but at least it’s something. It breaks my heart to know how devastated she must have felt when she found out he stole a house full of her furniture and put it in his new girlfriends house.
She didn’t/doesn’t blame me. She treated me with nothing but kindness. Extreme kindness. She knows that I do not know anyone in Chandler, so she invited me to have Thanksgiving dinner with her. How NICE is that? But wait, there is more. She told her friends about me, and her friends reached out to me and we all met up. I now have 3 girlfriends in Chandler — the ex Lola, and her two besties Bambi and Vexatious.
So who would have thunk it, that reaching out to do the right thing would lead to new friendships.
What I’ve learned:
Tiny Trash was not truthful with me. Nothing that comes out of his mouth was or is true — I have receipts for everything. He continues to state untruths but has zero receipts. as my AZ attorney says, “if his lips are moving, he is lying”.
Tiny Trash is not a genuine person. He never cared for me — everything he presented about himself to me was a facade. He was a fake, a fraud.
When I’m ready to date again, I’m going to do things differently:
I will ALWAYS do a background check on the potential mate. The cost is well worth it. I purchased a truthfinder.com on Trash and the results were shocking. 4 evictions, email addresses associated to sex websites, multiple altercations with the law, etc. Crazy shit. Had I seen this report sooner, I would never have dated him. You can see Tiny Trash’s Truthfinder Report here.
I no longer believe in “crazy ex’s”. I will ALWAYS request to speak with the ex. If he is a good man and treated his lady with respect, then this should not be an issue. I know that my ex prior to Trash would happily talk to a potential partner on my behalf.
I do hope someday that karma does pay Tiny Trash a visit. For now, I will keep moving forward to heal my heart. Knowing that I never meant anything to him really hurts. But it is also helping me heal — the person that Trash presented to me never existed, the relationship I thought we had was never real.
I am forever grateful to Lola for agreeing to meet with me, for being so kind to me, and bringing the receipts I need to validate what was truly going on during our relationship.
This is my diary of the wildlife where I live in Oxfordshire, and sometimes the places I visit. I am a 18 year old young naturalist with a passion for British wildlife, especially Badgers and Hares. I have been blogging since May 2013 and you can read my old blog posts at www.appletonwildlifediary.blogspot.co.uk
Paula's Ponderings 