disappearing act

Here Today Gone Tomorrow.

PaulasPonderings3 Comments

Thank  you to all who have written to me about Mr. Showtime and his disappearing act.  Seems like everyone has gone through a situation similar to this, man or woman..  We all seek answers when this happens, but there are actions people take that just don’t make sense.

Anyway, I’m flying home from Chicago as I post, on a Virgin America flight (best airline in the world people!!).  Since I have wireless, a computer, power, and wine at my fingertips, I thought I’d write…. give a quick update, provide a few more details on why this particular situation, Mr. Showtimes’ disappearance is so strange.

  • Time Together – we are both busy individuals, so although we were talking or texting frequently, we were only able to see each other a couple of times a week.  Sometimes it was during the week, sometimes it was the weekend.  We were not rushing into something (at least I didn’t think so)…  I thought the amount of time together was perfect – enough to keep wanting more.  🙂  We just made a point to enjoy the time we were able to spend with each other.
  • Sex – some of you suggested it might be because he got sex that he disappeared.  We had been having GREAT sex for 4 weeks, and it just kept getting better and better.  We talked about this, and how getting to know someone mentally, physically, and emotionally really makes for great intimacy.
  • Self Awareness – he seemed much more self-aware than most men I’ve met.  He seemed to understand that communication was key to a good relationship, that to be in a healthy, happy relationship, each person had to be healthy and  happy.  He had spent time thinking about what he wanted in his life, setting goals for himself, and actively working to achieve his goals.
  •  Consistent – Before he stopped calling/texting, his actions always matched his words… he said what he did, did what he said.  There was zero inconsistency in his interactions with me.

He has a demanding job and is a very active father of 3 grown kids (18, 20, 22).  Because he is busy AND has great qualities, I had originally thought that something was wrong – that he had become gravely ill, that something had happened to his father (who had stopped by for a visit AND “has limited time on this earth”)…..  And maybe this is still the case, I don’t know.  BUT, if a friend knows you are concerned and you don’t call/text them back… well, that isn’t a good friend. Certainly not someone you keep in the “inner circle” for long.

So I am sad, it’s a sad situation.  I did see potential….  so I have had a heavy heart this week while in Chicago.  I even turned down and evening out with colleagues on Monday so I could “work on my demo”, a.k.a.  have a pity party and post to my blog.  I liked him.. we definitely connected.  But alas it wasn’t meant to be…. if it was, we would still be communicating.

What I do know is that he left a few items at my house (on purpose – because he planned to come back) AND I left my eye pillow at his house and I need to get it back.  My thought is to send him his things along with a SASE and a note stating “please return the eye pillow. Greatly appreciated” and leave it at that. 🙂

Behavior I Just Don’t Understand.

PaulasPonderings8 Comments

So, it takes a confused heart to get me back into writing.

Life has been extremely busy since I’ve written last.  I’ve been traveling a LOT for work, my best friend Unicorns is staying with me for a while, and I’ve been actively dating.

  • Work has been great – being busy is a good thing – together with my team we are making good progress on closing a few deals.  They won’t happen right away, but we are definitely moving in the right direction.
  • Friendships – Having Unicorns in town has been fabulous.  I love having her friendship, guidance, and support around me 24-7.   As you will soon learn, its been a good thing.
  • Dating.  Mr. Showtime turned out to be fabulous. We had instant chemistry, lots of things in common, and we had a great time together no matter what was on the roster.  He even met a few of my friends – FreeBird and Unicorns, and they both gave him the thumbs up.  Honestly, up until last week, I would have said that things were progressing very nicely.

But here is the weird thing.  And guys, please pipe in because this kind of behavior is very strange to me.  It’s happened to me twice now  – the first time with Dear Paula Letter Writer, and now Mr. Showtime.   This must be pretty common behavior amongst a certain type of man?  Or is it the timing?  I realize I’m the common denominator here … maybe its me…

Mr. Showtime and I started interacting since our first date.  We weren’t able to spend too much time together, but we were in constant communication.  He would call and/or text me everyday.  He would say sweet and darling things, i would reciprocate.  A few weeks back, Mr. Showtime went to NY for business.  While he was away, he called and texted me every day.  He got back a week ago Saturday night, I picked him up from the airport and returned him to his house.  We spent Sunday morning together, took a drive before he had to go to work.  I dropped him off at his house, with plans for him to come over to my house for dinner that evening.

At the end of the day, he decided he was too tired and wanted to chill at home, which I totally understood (I would have done the same thing).  Here is how the rest of the week/weekend played out:  

  • Sunday:  even though we planned to have dinner, I had to text and call to find out what he was doing. He was tired and wanted to stay home.. got it, no problem.
  • Monday: I reached out .. he responded that he was sick.
  • Tuesday: I offered to stop by with soup… he declined.
  • Wednesday:  no contact
  • Thursday: I texted him asking him if he felt better.  Suggested we get together on Sunday.  His return text, “That sounds nice”.
  • Friday: no contact
  • Saturday:  I texted him, asked him how he was feeling.. wondering if he was up still up for Sunday.  No response.
  • Sunday:  I texted him in the morning,  sharing with him I was a bit worried and just asked that he let me know he was alive.  I got a “I’m helping my daughter move”.  I thanked him for letting me know, wished him well with the move and that I would call later.  I called in the evening, got his VM, left a brief message.
  • Monday – Today:  Left him a VM stating I’d love to catch up and he could call me anytime.

So that’s it. I’ve put the ball in his court.   It’s very strange to me that we would communicate pretty much every day since we met, and now he has dropped off the face of the earth.  But I do believe that his actions are very consistent with someone who prefers not to see or speak to me again, so my plan is to let it go.  If I don’t hear from him by later this week, my plan is to send him a simple email something along the lines of “it’s fine you’re no longer interested, but I really wish you would have told me so directly”… I’m mean come on people, aren’t we all adults here? 

Honesty, simply disappearing from the face of the earth is just rude and I’ll never understand it. I did a bit of research on this topic, ran across this article, Why Men Disappear, which gives me some clarity…   but I’m still confused that people in general are o.k. with this strategy.   My Mr. Big was able to do it, Dear Paula Letter Writer did it at the 2 month mark, and it appears that Mr. Showtime is at it himself now that we are at the 2 month mark.  Its funny, I struggled with breaking up with Chicken Legs, but at the very least we had the conversation multiple times. 

This is why I have a confused heart.  My heart is churning, trying to find a reason for it, because it just doesn’t make any sense.   I would have never expected this from Mr. Showtime (or Dear Paula Letter Writer for that matter…)  He was very clear about his interest, very consistent with both his verbal and physical communication… up until a week ago.  Just so odd….and has me searching for the why….

I should be focusing on a demo right now, but I just felt the need to get this out there.  I’m hoping by sharing it with you, you can help me figure it out, and release the confusion from my head and heart, because frankly, I’m getting tired thinking about it.  I know I’ll be fine… it’s just another blip on the radar of my romantic life.

😦