New Year’s resolutions aren’t just words on paper for me; they’re a promise to myself to steer my life in the direction I choose. I firmly believe that I am the captain of my own ship, responsible for charting my course through life.
Navigating The Storm
The past two years, 2022 and 2023, were a tumultuous journey. Discovering that my boyfriend was leading a double life shattered my world. Dealing with the ensuing violence, harassment, and smear campaign left me drained and exhausted. When faced with the decision to settle the civil suit, it was a tough call. I wanted Trash to be finally be held accountable for what he did. I believed strongly that I would win. While a huge part of me yearned for justice, the emotional toll of having my past haunt me was unbearable. But the toll/weight of having Trash in the backgound of my life was no longer serving me.
Choosing Peace Over Justice
Ultimately, I chose to settle. I also made a conscious decision to focus on peace, gratitude, and self-care. Last year was both financially and emotionally draining. But the lessons I’m taking away from my experience are invaluable. As I step into 2024, my goals are clear:
Practice self-care and kindness towards myself.
Find something to be grateful for every day.
Embrace simplicity.
Avoid drama at all costs.
Four months into the new year, my perspective has transformed. My life is on an upward trajectory, filled with real smiles, hearty laughs, and newfound friendships that uplift me. I feel like the confident, self-assured person I was before the piece of human garbage entered my life.
Unexpected Blessings
As my energy shifted, the universe responded in kind.
First, when Trash sold the home Mexico home we lived in, the home was sold with items he stole from me. I never thought I’d get them back. However, the new owners found out about the situation and returned some belongings that Trash had taken. I was able to get rid of the cheap shit Trash put in the Mexican condo and replace it with my nice leather couches and expensive work desk. While not everything was recovered, It was their kindness that has restored my faith in humanity.
Second, I landed a new job with a European-based company known for valuing its employees. My manager and mentor are inspiring women who empower me. The remote nature of the job allows me to continue living anywhere I want while offering the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world. I am so grateful to have the freedom to live my life on my terms.
Rediscovering My Passions
Travel. Last year I felt so overwhelmed by the mere thought of travel. Not anymore – I now eagerly embrace the adventures awaiting me. This year I will attending a friend’s wedding in Portland, yachting in the Mediterranean Sea, and basking in the sun in Cabo San Lucas. My travel plans are brimming with excitement. Traveling has transformed from a daunting task into an adventure I look forward to.
Crafting. My love for crafting has also reignited. Whether it’s small trinkets or intricate projects, the joy of creating unique pieces fills me with joy. I’m thrilled to dive back into crafting and craft more one-of-a-kind treasures.
Cooking. My passion for cooking faded away in 2022. I didn’t have the drive or ambition to do it. I didn’t feel like eating either – which worked out well for a while until I lost too much weight. However, that spark has returned with a vengeance. I relish searching for recipes, shopping for fresh ingredients—especially here in Mexico—and whipping up delightful meals to share with friends. While I don’t cook as frequently as before given my parents are no longer around the corner to test/savor my creations, the joy of cooking has returned, making each meal a special occasion.
Reconnecting with Loved Ones
After spending 2022 and 2023 in self-imposed isolation, I’m reconnecting with old friends and rebuilding the cherished relationships that were temporarily set aside due to feeling so overwhelmed. I recognize now how essential these connections are to my well-being.
This year, I’m making a conscious effort to reach out to the people who matter most to me, reigniting bonds that time and distance had strained. Additionally, I’m prioritizing spending quality time with my parents, cherishing moments that were once taken for granted.
In a serendipitous twist, the universe reunited me with my youngest sister. After two decades of no contact, she reached out, and I couldn’t be more grateful. We’ve been catching up, and it’s been a joy getting to know her all over again.
A New Chapter Begins
As I reflect on my journey, it’s evident that removing toxic influences and focusing on self-care, gratitude, and minimal drama have been transformative. I’ve rediscovered passions, rebuilt cherished relationships, and embraced new opportunities that align with my values and aspirations. Heading into the rest of 2024, I am optimistic and excited about the possibilities that lie ahead, confident in my ability to navigate life’s challenges with resilience, grace, and joy.
Ever faced a storm of betrayal so fierce that it led you to the doors of justice? I have! As you know I filed a Civil Suit against Trash, but there is not a “one stop shop” post that speaks directly to the what and why of it all. This post is my journey through the twists and turns of this legal battle in my pursuit for justice and restitution.
In December of 2022, I initiated a Civil Suit for Fraud and Theft, thrusting myself into a legal battle that sought to unveil the deceit that defined my relationship with Trash. The case encapsulated three critical elements:
Fraud. His deception extended beyond mere betrayal, involving a sham down payment for a condo in Mexico. As the relationship unraveled, he clung to ill-gotten gains, refusing to return a substantial $130k deposit or remove his name from the condo contract.
Theft. The fallout of our breakup extended beyond emotional scars, manifesting as the unlawful pilfering of over $12,000 worth of my belongings from my Arizona home. Seeking justice meant not just reclaiming possessions but also recovering from the emotional toll.
Punitive damages. Lies and deception became the architect of my major life decisions. The court, I believed, would recognize the gravity of the deception and award punitive damages.
The year 2023 became a battleground where justice was sought through the civil court system. In my quest for resolution, this post is divided into several digestible sections, each unraveling a distinct aspect of the tumultuous journey:
In the aftermath of discovering Trash’s betrayal, I faced a stark choice: to walk away or confront the storm of deceit head-on. The path of least resistance was clear—he could have spared us both the agony and financial burden by doing the right thing. The simple and most reasonable solution was for him to remove his name from the Mexico condo contract, return what he stole (part 1 – art, part 2 – household goods) and reimbursing me for expenses I would not have otherwise incurred had he just been honest with me about what he wanted. Alas, simplicity was not in his playbook.
All I did was walk away, seeking solace in the aftermath of lies, deception, and betrayal. I wanted nothing more than to sever ties and move on, leaving Trash to navigate his newfound ‘happily ever after” with is new “soulmate” Nurse N’Poop. Yet, he opted for a more tumultuous route, dragging us both into the throes of a legal battle costing tens of thousands of dollars.
The timeline tells the tale:
August 2022: The shattering discovery of deception led to my decision to part ways, documented in raw and emotional posts here and here.
September 2022: Trash’s transgressions escalated as he forcibly entered my Arizona home, leaving a trail of theft amounting to over $22,000.
October 2022: Legal intervention became imperative, leading to his eviction and a judgment for $11,053.00 in damages.
November 2022: Seeking protection from his actions, I secured an Order of Protection, accompanied by a judgment for Legal Fees totaling $3,932.50.
December 2022: Despite every opportunity to do right, Trash refused to return the $130k loan for the Mexico Condo, leaving me no choice but to file a civil suit.
My sole recourse became the legal system—a decision not made lightly but driven by the necessity to safeguard my assets and reclaim what was rightfully mine. Late in December 2022, I initiated the Civil Suit, embarking on a journey to reclaim not only possessions but a some semblance of justice in the wake of deception.
Read more about Civil Suits and the Arizona legal system here.
The Process – Preparing for Trial
Let me just start and say that civil suits take fooorrreeevvveeerrrr. Years. The journey through the legal process was a labyrinthine expedition, marked by hurdles and unforeseen challenges. There are 6 major steps in any civil suit:
When I filed and Trash was notified, the case was sent to the court. Steps 3 and 4 is what I went through in 2023.
The first was collecting and preparing all the documentation for Discovery of Evidence- This phase is where I submit evidence to support my claim and Trash submits evidence to dispute my claim. When Trash did submit his response, he basically perjured himself by creating the fabricated invoice to “make up” for the $130k he owed me for the Mexican Condo. I provided evidence that his invoice was a fake – This should have been the time that his lawyer fired him as a client.
During the Discovery phase is also when people can be subpoenaed for depositions. My lawyer and I were planning on both subpoenaing Nurse N’Poop for testimony re: their relationship (dates and times were critical in my case) AND knowledge of the stolen items AS WELL AS modifying the lawsuit to include Nurse N’Poop as a Defendant because I could prove she was in possession of stolen goods. That’s right, Trash furnished Nurse N’Poops house with MY (and Lola’s) stuff. If she didn’t know already, she was about to become VERY AWARE that her house is furnished with ex-girlfriends’ belongings.
Attempt At Settlement – It was clear after receiving this invoice that we were going to trial. But with the civil suit exceeding $200k, mediation is a mandatory step. Yet, the wheels of justice turned agonizingly slow – mediation was scheduled 4 months after discovery and almost a year after the initial filing – scheduled for November 3rd 2023.
2023 was a tough year – I was literally just trying to keep my head above water:
Juggling Responsibilities: Balancing a demanding full-time job while grappling with the intricacies of the legal battle demanded resilience. Each day brought a new set of challenges that required both mental and emotional fortitude.
Collecting the Arsenal: Spare moments were transformed into a relentless pursuit of documentation. Armed with evidence, I aimed to bolster my case and prove the validity of my claims. The meticulous compilation of information was both a necessity and a strategic move in the legal chess game.
The Constant Harassment and Bullying: The aftermath of the breakup manifested in relentless harassment and systematic bullying orchestrated by Trash. In a blatant violation of the US Order of Protection, my existence was haunted by a series of confrontations and hostilities.
Surviving a Year of Harassment and Turmoil:
Wire Fraud: 2023 kicked off with a bout of wire fraud in January.
Dealing with DirecTV, Chandler Police, and the Arizona District Attorney: Navigating the intricate webs of communication with DirecTV, local law enforcement, and the Arizona District Attorney consumed the the entire year, focusing on issues of identity theft.
Dealing with the Bank re: Credit Card Fraud: The struggle extended into the financial realm, with the need to untangle the web of credit card fraud, an ordeal that persisted from January through June.
AirBnB Woes: The harassment only continued… in July Trash falsely reported my AirBnb Mexican Condo listing as a fraudulent. Everyone knows that AirBnB customer service is horrific… it was soooo painful to get my condo listing reactivated. I never did get the cancelled reservations back, losing income because of Trash’s actions.
As the calendar finally turned to November 3rd, 2023, and the mediation session loomed, I found myself at the crossroads of exhaustion and determination, clear on what I wanted from all of this – I wanted what was rightfully mine and I wanted peace.
The Outcome – Closing This Chapter
The much-anticipated mediation session unfolded throughout November 2023 – a lengthy process that spanned three weeks and involved a staggering 26 hours of mediation, with the mediator charging $600 per hour($15,600 in total). This financial investment, coupled with my own lawyers legal fees, marked a substantial cost for seeking resolution.
The negotiation was a battlefield in itself, with approximately 6 hours dedicated to discussions about the condo, return of stolen items and financial reimbursement for legal fees, replacement items, and repairs for the damage Trash did to my home . However, a significant chunk—20 hours—was spent on negotiating the terms of what I could and could not reveal about the settlement. It was a surreal that the main component of the settlement involved silencing my voice, as Trash aimed to shield friends and the public from the truth so he could continue to lie, cheat, and steal without consequence.
I am NOT able to speak about the terms of the settlement, only that a settlement has been reached. The finalization of everything came in early January 2024, and the court record show the case was officially dismissed on February 8th 2024.
The question is —am I content with the outcome?
The truth is both yes and no.
Yes – The resolution brings me some joy and satisfaction as I achieved a paramount goal: putting an end to this ugly chapter in my life. As 2023 ended, I wanted to step into the new year unburdened by the shadows of harassment, bullying, and intimidation. I had a very strong case, with significant evidence to back up my claims, but at the end of the day, the case would have drug on for another 1-2 years. I did NOT want that. Thus, I made the decision to settle, not out of contentment but out of a fervent desire to sever all ties from Trash and the past.
No – because at the end of the day, Trash and men like him are never held accountable for their actions. They continue to hurt people, steal things, and never face the consequences for their actions.
Entering 2024, I carry the scars of this legal battle, but the mess is finally behind me. In the upcoming posts, I will delve into my plans for the year— I want nothing to do with Trash, so unless he acts up and does something stupid, there will be no more posts about him and the past. My focus is to thrive in 2024. Stay tuned for more on this journey towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding after the storm.
The Civil Suit Components
Fraud, Theft, and Punitive Damages were the crux of the civil suit. See details of each below.
Fraud
Protecting a Dream, Unveiling Deceit
The centerpiece of the legal battle was my cherished condo in Mexico. To shield this prized possession, I took two crucial steps:
Order of Possession in Mexico: A strategic move to secure my rights over the condo, which proved successful in the legal arena: MX Order of Possession Update
Fraud Civil Suit in the USA (Arizona): A decision born out of necessity as negotiations with an injured Narcissist is not possible. The resolution would have to be settled in a court of law – aka the Civil Suit (settlement reached, this post).
The Condo: A Broken Agreement
Trash and I embarked on a shared venture, a 50-50 partnership in a Mexican condo, envisaging mutual investment and shared responsibilities. However, the reality deviated dramatically:
Offer Made, Agreement Broken: The agreement to evenly split costs and returns took a sharp turn a day before closing, thrusting me into an unexpected financial quandary.
Extortion Unveiled: Post-breakup, seeking the return of the $130k loan was met with laughter and an audacious demand for $150k cash, a stark act of extortion.
Proving Fraud: Unveiling the Lies
Confidence in my case surged when I uncovered a critical piece of evidence during the arduous task of removing Trash’s belongings from my home after the eviction:
The Unseen Paper: A 2021 Summary Statement from Trash’s stock account, dated January 2022, became the linchpin of the fraud case. With a mere $91k, not the required $130k, it laid bare the intentional deception.
Serving Justice with His Own Documents: Trash’s stock account became the key instrument of justice. The very document he left behind was now the linchpin to expose the financial falsehoods.
This paper, a single document, stood as a testament to his clear intention to deceive me – which is clearly fraud:
His initial statements during the purchase process were false and misleading.
Trash made the statements KNOWING it was false and misleading.
His statements led me to enter into the transaction.
I have suffered harm as the result of his misrepresentation.
Trash stock account w/o enough $$ to pay for his 1/2 of the condo.
NOTE I would have thrown everything out after the eviction was complete, but my lawyer said the courts would look favorably upon me returning “items of meaning” to him. So I had to go through all of his shit, including boxes and boxes of documentation that he left at my house after the eviction… It was a horrible task to do at that time. But I did it and found multiple pieces of documentation that would support my case. Trash is too lazy to take his stuff, but fully capable of stealing my stuff. Serves him right that his very own stuff be used against him in court.
Theft
In the aftermath of the breakup, the betrayal extended beyond the confines of our relationship. While squatting in my Chandler home, Trash engaged in a brazen act of theft, leaving an indelible mark on my personal space and well-being. If the criminal courts were not going to hold him accountable, I was going to do it via the civil court system. Trash was nothing but a criminal and I wanted it called out in the civil case so that he could be prosecuted.
The Pilfered Art and Priceless Memories
Artwork: Among the stolen treasures were pieces of artwork, each carrying its own story and sentimental value. The loss transcended mere monetary worth, striking at the heart of cherished memories and personal expression. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal What You Love — Part 1.
Daily Essentials and Critical Items
Anything and Everything that was mine. The theft extended to everyday household items. Again, he left his items at my house and instead chose to steal all my stuff. Items including furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, short term rental supplies such as cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, etc. and more. NONE of which he paid for. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal Whatever They Want – Part 2.
Each item I had paid for. And I was forced to repurchase everything, forcing me to suspend renting the home until I could get it back to a rentable condition, thus significantly impacting me financially.
Punitive Damages
The repercussions of Trash’s deceit transcended financial losses; they reshaped the very fabric of my and my parents life. Each decision based on his lies altered the course of our lives in ways we could never have foreseen.
The Domino Effect of Deception
Selling the Salt Lake City House: At a crucial juncture when decisions were being made based on a shared future, the sale of my Salt Lake City house unfolded under the shadow of deception. I would NEVER have sold my home had I known about his new girlfriend, his affair with Lola, or any of his other affair partners (FWB – Friends with Benefits girls, random girls he picked up and f*&ked). I would have just left Mexico, gone back home to Salt Lake City, and let that be the end.. The sheer fact that he deceived me when making the decision to sell in May, receiving and accepting the offer in June, then closing in late July… NOT ONCE did he mention that he didn’t want to be with me, that he had acquired a new girlfriend, that he was still sleeping with his ex Lola, etc. This level of deceit should be illegal and he should pay for the consequences of his deception.
Relocation to Arizona: The plan was to move permanently to Mexico, a decision WE CAME TO TOGETHER, grounded in the belief of a shared future, never materialized. Instead, I ended up moving to Arizona into the home I purchased sight unseen as a short-term-rental. I never wanted to live in Arizona…. But here I am, living in a state I have yet to fall in love with, where I had ZERO friends…. being forced to “start fresh” in a location that was not of my choosing. The only reason I am in Arizona is because of Trash’s active and calculated deceit, which he should pay for.
The Unraveling of Plans
Parental Displacement: The decision to uproot their lives was not just a physical relocation but a separation from the familiar, fun get-togethers we had on a weekly basis. In all honesty, I feel he stole from me the ability to be close to my family. We both now live in places, many states away, and are only able to see each other once or twice a year, vs. weekly. I miss them so much, it is heart-breaking.
The Sale of the St. George Condo: The decision to part with a beautiful condo in St. George, Utah, was not just a financial transaction. It symbolized the relinquishing of dreams and the surrender of a cherished sanctuary in exchange for creating a shared future with Trash. My parents and I loved this condo, we were there quite often…. but it didn’t “fit” within the plans Trash and I had made, so I/we made the decision to sell. Mind you, while we discussed this, he was still having sex with his ex, Lola. The betrayal and deceit was organized, planned, and intentional.
The Price Beyond Dollars
Beyond the tangible financial losses, the toll on our emotional well-being was immeasurable. The weight of decisions made under false pretenses is something I felt the court and/or jury would see and agree – thereby rewarding punitive damages in the $100’s of thousands of dollars.
As I sought punitive damages in the civil suit, it was not merely a pursuit of reparation for financial losses but a quest for acknowledgment of the profound impact on lives, relationships, and the very essence of what home and family mean to me.
Life Beyond the Settlement
Entering 2024, scars of the legal battle remain, but the mess is behind me. In upcoming posts, the focus of this blog will be about living and thriving in 2024, leaving Trash and the past behind me. The journey continues towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding myself, my savings account after the horrible storm.
Join me on this journey as we turn the page, closing this chapter and embracing a new chapter full of hope, joy, travel, and fun with family and friends.
Ever walked into your home only to find it stripped of your cherished possessions? Imagine the shock of realizing not only was your home violated, but every piece of my life within it was callously stolen by someone you once trusted and loved. That’s what happened to me, and the culprit? The Ex – Trash.
Picture returning home after an eight-week absence (due to having to evict Trash from my very own home), accompanied by a constable and a police officer. As you approach your door, you notice the absence of your security measures—cameras, ring doorbell, and lock—all gone. Your heart is beating and you take a deep breath as you brace yourself for the gut-wrenching revelation awaiting beyond that door.
You swing it open, and chaos greets you. Furniture scattered, cherished belongings vanished. The once-beloved space now a haunting reminder of a love turned toxic. Questions echo in your mind: How did he breach this sanctuary? And why? The person you trusted, the one you believed shared your love and trust, has treated you and your belongings with a callous disregard.
The shock is palpable in the images I captured upon re-entering my violated home. It’s no longer a place fit for use or rental. Bookings had to be canceled, and I found myself at TJMaxx, hastily picking up sheets because he stole everything.
I’ve previously shared the heartbreak I felt when I discovered he had stolen all my artwork in “They Steal What You Love—Part 1.” so I won’t rehash this here. This post delves into the broader theft, meticulously documented and reported to the police: Furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, and short-term rental essentials—all pilfered. Every single item accounted for with receipts, each one a testament to a breach of trust. The total value of these stolen possessions, cataloged and documented, amounts to $12,690.
Scroll through the ‘Before’ and ‘After’ pictures to witness the stark transformation of my once-beloved home. The list is exhaustive, with just a glimpse provided below. And let it be known that the financial toll went beyond the initial acquisition—every item had to be repurchased to restore the home’s charm, a costly endeavor triggered by Trash’s greedy departure.
Stolen Items from Inside the Home
Items Trash took that did not belong to him, that he took without permission. Just like he did with Lola things.
The bed was his. He did take it, thank god. It was an awful bed, and from what I’ve learned since the breakup, there were A LOT of women he shared that bed with while it was in my house. Good riddance.
Last but certainly not least is all home supplies like extra bedding, STR supplies such as laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, and backup supplies such as towels (regular and beach), silverware, glasses, etc..
He took more of my stuff than his— this follows suit with the outdoor items as well. When I purchased the home, it of course had zero backyard furniture. I furnished the backyard to make it swanky and fun – a true entertainers backyard. Well, Trash decided he was welcome to all of it…. Here are a just a few of the items that he took:
Outdoor music system as well as all four umbrellas – $400+
Outdoor 4 Chair Patio Set with gas heated center table along with 4 sets of cafe lights in the backyard – $2,000+. a place of relaxation and contemplation, removed from my outdoor sanctuary, along with all the outdoor lighting. Wonder how Nurse N’Poop feels having furniture at her house that Trash and I had sex on….
Purchased the patio set from a local store in Chandler Arizona. Store is now closed. Receipt is on my credit card statement. Outdoor lighting came from Amazon.
Stolen Outdoor Furniture & Lights
Wifi enabled landscape timer: yes, he just ripped it right off the wall.. I’m sure you can find this at Nurse N’Poops house too. He purchased it on his Amazon account but used MY Credit Card to pay for it. So I’m sure he’s off showing everyone how he purchased it. Ask him what credit card he used to pay for it. Yep. Mine. B-hyve Smart Indoor/Outdoor Irrigation Controller.
Cost of Repairs
Not only did he steal material items, he damaged my home. He managed to break through the locked door between the garage and laundry room. While squatting, he also stole:
the ring doorbell,
the front door Yale lock, and
a bunch of Arlo security cameras.
Not inexpensive items to replace. This on top of the over $1000 I paid a locksmith to have all the locks replaced twice (before he broke into Chandler and after he was evicted)…
Lessons Learned
I of course was shocked when I re-entered the house. The disarray of the home, all my items missing, all his items stacked up randomly all over the house… Again, you can see the pictures I took of the home when I re-entered here.
As it stands, his new girlfriend’s residence is adorned with a collection of items pilfered from his two ex’s (Me and Lola). The audacity he exhibits in helping himself to others’ belongings is nothing short of criminal. It’s a disconcerting display of entitlement, reminiscent of someone who hoards trophies from their misdeeds (like rapists and serial killers). The unsettling truth is, he seems to enjoy causing harm and suffering.
While the scars of betrayal remain, this journey has also fortified my resolve to navigate future relationships with caution and resilience:
I will never put any bills in a significant others name; in Arizona, this could be considered as them “living” at the home, which would require you to go through the eviction process to remove your ex from your property.
I will never let my day job become so overwhelming that I “hand over” any home or business tasks to my partner. I will hire someone as an employee.
I will never again share financial information with a partner; he will never have access to my bank accounts, credit cards, etc..
At this point, I may never live with someone else again. The idea of being together apart, where both partners have their own spaces, may become my new norm. It’s unconventional, but after this costly experience, it might be the way I move forward in future relationships.
I’m back with an incredible tale that delves into the timeless battle of good versus evil—a story where the hallowed halls of justice witnessed the unmasking of truth, and the courts delivered a verdict that resonates with justice.
Today’s update takes us deep into the heart of a legal saga, the Order of Possession case I waged with the Mexican courts. Quick summary of the case:
In June 2023 the Puerto Penasco courts deliver a resounding victory in my favor. Not only did justice prevail, but the court deemed my case so airtight that it came with a penalty:
a fine of $10,000 Pesos (equivalent to $586.42 USD as of Feb 2024) for Trash.
an additional fine and jail time if he should he dare approach or harm my cherished property.
Yet, the saga continued as Trash, true to form, appealed the decision. The legal battle escalated to the higher court in Caborca, prolonging the ordeal. The court took 6 months to make a decision.
The appeal process is simple – when Trash filed the appeal, all of the documentation (testimony, financial statements, etc.) were sent to the higher court to review the lower courts decision. Myself, Trash, and the witnesses did not need to appear. The higher court reviews the lower courts decision and all the accompanying documentation and will decide in one of the following ways:
Uphold the prior decision
Partially modify the prior decision
Overturn the prior decision
December 2023
In December 2023, 6 months after the appeal, the higher court made a decision. The higher court echoed the verdict of the lower courts, upholding my possession 100%. The email confirming this was almost poetic:
Trash chose not to appeal the second court’s decision, making the victory final. I now hold legal, undisputed possession of my condo, and the sanctions against Trash are not just on paper—they are recorded with two courts.
So this Chapter is over and my beachfront condo has been secured, recorded with the courts, AND with the Condo Association:
Trash has been removed from all HOA systems so he can no longer stalk me. He no longer has access to my bookings/reservations, no longer knows when friends are visiting, etc..
Security is now aware that he has ZERO reason to be near the B building. The police will be called if he comes anywhere near my building.
How it Feels
How do I feel? Happy, relieved, and vindicated. I’m sure he is still out there telling anyone who will listen that I “stole” the condo from him, but nothing could be further from the truth. The truth is, he tried to steal something from me that wasn’t his and the courts agree with me.
I am also proud of myself – I stood up for myself and my assets. I am lucky to be in a position to protect myself. If he was a good man, he would have signed the paperwork to remove himself from the unit when we broke up, but no. He is a conman, a parasite – sucks the energy out of everything he comes in contact with. I’m glad its over and I’m so ready to move on from this nightmare.
So this chapter is done, complete. Story isn’t over … but close. For now, I am happy with the results in Mexico.
Lessons Learned
What have I learned from all of this? That there are garbage men out there who will lie, cheat, and steal from the people they profess to love. Don’t do what I did, protect yourself and DO NOT mingle finances.
I’d love to hear from you – please share your victory stories. It would be great and know that others out there have also defeated their ex’s in court.
The End.
For those interested, Mexico civil courts are different (and I think simpler) than US civil courts. Basically, The civil code in Mexico exists at three levels: City, State, Federal. So the Local courts make a decision. The decision can be appealed to the State, then at the Federal level. Everything takes time (but less time than in the states). In my case:
City/local/district courts can take 2-3 months to make a decision. In my case, the Puerto Penasco courts took 2 months to make a decision.
State level courts can take 2-6 months to make a decision. In my case, the Caborca courts took 6 months to make a decision. No new evidence was admissible, no court appearance was required. Oral closing arguments are allowed, which is why the lawyers where required.
Federal level courts can take 18 months to 3 years to make a decision.
I ran across this story written by Annah Mason a few weeks ago. She names her abuser, speaks to the history of his abuse, and calls out those in his circle that enabled him to abuse so many women. The comments section includes other women he abused in the same way. Just a sad tale of how people like Michael May and Trash get away with their abuse over an extended period of time.
It got me thinking about my own experience. 16 months with Trash and I’ve been set back in so many ways:
Systematic: going through the court system in an attempt to right a wrong has shown me that a) no woman is safe in the USA, and b) the system is absolutely NOT set up to protect women from serial abusers. It was all an illusion.
Emotional: I no longer see this world through the same eyes; I have lost my innocence and faith in humanity. There are so many users, abusers, conmen among us. It has definitely influenced the way I see and interact with people.
Trash has a path of destruction behind him. I am aware of 3 other women before me that had a similar experience with Trash. I am lucky in that I didn’t lose everything and I had the means to stand up for myself. Filing the Civil Suit was not just about me, it was a way for me to get “justice” for the harm Trash has caused the women before me, and quite frankly, more broadly for all the women who have been unable to fight.
But I learned a very hard lesson. I no longer believe is justice. I no longer feel safe. I clearly see that I had a false sense of safety here in the USA; it is all an illusion. Based on my experience and the experience of these other women, the system is set up to protect abusers, not victims. Below I write about the path of destruction in Trash’s wake, and my experience with the systems that has allowed him to continue to abuse anyone he comes across.
History of Abuse
If you listen to Trash tell the story, all the women before me were “crazy”: His now ex-wife only used him for his money so she could live the “Scottsdale Wife” life. Betsy had kids that didn’t respect him, Lisa was “crazy”. Given his smear campaign against me, I’m 100% sure I’m on the long list of “crazy ex-girlfriends” – That is a lot of crazy ex’s for one fellow.
While I was preparing for my Civil Suit, my Lawyer, Mark, asked me to find out more about Trash’s history. Why did. he ask me to do this? Because In Civil Court, the reputation of the parties involved is very important as a jury will use it as a way to determine someone’s character and truthfulness. The lawsuit was about fraud and deception (Mexican Condo); stolen property All I need to do is sway the jury that I’m more credible than Trash…… So I set forth to gather evidence … started with police reports and speaking with the people he has interacted with… What I learned was that my situation was not unique, that he is a depraved, despicable person who has a trail of destruction and inhumanity behind him.
So from 1999 to today, Trash has abused at least 4 women (5 if you count “The Russian” he was caught with the first time the Ex-Wife caught him cheating). I’m 100% confident there are more than this, but this gives you an idea how long he has gotten away with being a serial abuser. Its the same old pattern with every lady:
Physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive
Inability to stay faithful while in an exclusive relationship; all the while claiming he is “not a cheater”
Using the court systems and social media to harass and intimidate his victims
Using lies and manipulation to control people
Systems that Let Abusers Further Hurt Victims
My experience is that the systems that are currently in place support criminals and abusers and not victims they say they “protect and serve”.
Criminal Court (The Police)
In criminal court, the government files a case against someone for committing a crime. In my case alone, I filed a total of 8 police reports with the Chandler Arizona police:
Not a single one was addressed by the criminal court system. And when I reported these crimes, the police treated me with indifference at best. It was if I was bothering them. They truly could not have cared less.
The home break-in report, stolen items reports, and credit card fraud reports were filed in the “it’s a civil matter” bucket and the police wiped there hands of it. This means that Trash basically got away with robbing me, stealing from Bank of America, as well as the green light to break-in whenever he pleased. This is why I was forced to go the eviction and Order of Protection (OOP) route (see Civil Court below).
Two of the reports, identify theft and wire fraud were submitted to the DA for prosecution. Since these are criminal matters, I do not get a say – the AZ District Attorney gets to decide if they will prosecute. I received a letter a week ago stating they were not going to proceed with prosecution in the identify theft matter. I was given the opportunity to speak with the DA covering the case – Janine L. She is a lovely woman. She agreed that Trash did all the things he did – he created the fake emails, he used my PII to create DirecTV accounts. But because I found out BEFORE he charged my card for the services, they would not proceed. I asked her – “what should I have done in order for this case to be prosecuted?” The answer: Let him charge the services to my credit card. Yes. That’s right. The only way that would move forward with prosecution is if I let myself be MORE of a victim. Basically, I was too diligent – I cancelled the card he intended to use to pay for the fraudulent services.
In The Ex-Wife’s case, there were 6 police reports in Scottsdale in 2016 for abuse…. only one resulted in consequences (a single night in jail and fines). The others were filed and forgotten.
In Lola’s case, she filed a few reports and nothing was done. As a matter of fact, the police told her that she would go to Jail if she pressed charges because Trash also called the police and their stories were conflicting. Same experience the women had in this article.
So within a 6 year period (2016 through 2022), Trash has had 25 run-ins with the police / court system that I am aware of:
15 Police Reports (8-me, Lola-1, The Ex-Wife-6) filed against him. And this is just what I was able to find, I’m sure there are far more as tracking this stuff down requires you to go to each county to file and pay for the reports.
3 OOP’s filed against him (2 from Betsy in 2017 and 2018, 1 from me in 2022)
3 Speeding Tickets – “SPEED GREATER THAN REASONABLE AND PRUDENT“
Any other OOPs that may have been filed as OOPs are NOT covered under the Freedom of Information Act. So NO ONE can find out if someone is dangerous. I would think a company would want to know if a potential employee is safe entering peoples homes. Or we ladies want to be safe and research a potential suitor. There is no way to find this information. IMO, people with OOPs should be registered offenders just like sex offenders. It’s mind boggling me to me that this information is NOT readily available. Jees.
So in summary, the Police are not your friends. I believe they have a bias against survivors, choosing to NOT believe the victims, especially in the case of domestic violence or partner abuse. When they don’t take action to protect the vulnerable, they are in fact protecting the abusers and thieves of this world. It is no wonder that crime is on the rise and specifically familial crimes are on the rise – no one is holding the criminals accountable.
Civil Court (Civil Suits, Evictions, Divorce, Order of Protection, etc)
In civil court, one person sues (files a case) against another person because of a dispute or problem between them.
In my case, I have had THREE interactions with the Civil Courts while dealing with Trash’s shenanigans:
First I will say that this is a VERY EXPENSIVE route to go. Given this, most people cannot go this route. I know that Lola was not able to get her things back because she didn’t have the money to fight in court. You typically have to hire a lawyer, in some cases a mediator, and the process can take years. It is not for the faint of heart.
Second, even if you have the funds to fight in court, the fact is, even if you win, the garnishment process is a bitch. It is very hard to get the funds you are awarded in court from the perpetrator. In the OOP and Eviction cases, I was awarded judgement. I’m “lucky” in the sense that I had Trash’s banking account information, so we were able to garnish his accounts. But he knows how to play the game – he just moved his money around – out of his accounts and into new accounts that I did not have the account details for. So even if you do win a judgement, the only way to truly collect is to put a lien on the perpetrators assets. And I know this because in Trash’s case, all his other eviction liens where satisfied with the sale of his marital home in 2020. So the folks that had to evict Trash in 2016 and 2017 didn’t get their judgements awarded until 2020 when Trash sold the marital home. Myself and some poor bastard in the 2021 eviction are still waiting to collect. And since he doesn’t own a home here in Arizona, the only asset we can put a lien on at this time are his automobiles. It’s just not right or fair that it sits on the victim to have to chase these criminals down – there should be an easier way to make victims whole.
Let’s Talk about Order of Protection (OOP)
I applied for and was granted an OOP. Trash appealed it so I hired a lawyer to represent me in court. The Judge made it clear to Trash that if he loses, he has to pay my attorneys fees. Of course my evidence for the OOP was rock solid, so the OOP was upheld and a judgement for legal fees was granted. Going to my second point above, it’s difficult to collect.
In addition, both the wire fraud and the airBnB business interference violate the Order of Protection, but who’s enforcing it? Clearly the police aren’t. And do I want to spend MORE money going through the civil courts to have him held accountable? Honestly, the OOP is meant to protect, but I do not feel any safer having it. It would require the police take protection orders seriously and act appropriately when abusers violate them – but I’ve seen nothing of the sort. So I will be taking matters into my own hands in 2024.
Family Court
This one is a doozy. I have only dipped my toe into the family courts as I do not children and my divorce years ago was amicable. My experience with the Family Courts are recent and are entirely based on Lola’s and The Ex-Wife’s experiences.
First and foremost, holy smokes what an inefficient system. The latest example of this is The Ex-Wife’s Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance in July 2023. All she wants is for all Spousal Support to be paid so she can be done with him. He stopped paying in May 2021, last required payment was Nov. 2023.
First, why does the victim have to go back to the courts and ask for what has already been agreed to by all parties??? Why are the courts not enforcing it? Why was he not hunted down in June 2021 when he missed his first payment in May 2021?? Why do the courts not enforce Child Support and Spousal Maintenance?
Second, why do you have to have money to be represented?!? The Ex-Wife has zero money. She was a stay-at-home mom, taking care of her family while her then-husband advanced his career. She got her first minimum wage job in August of 2016. She is in no way able to represent herself, but there are no resources available to her. All she needs is a lawyer that will represent her in court. Why do criminals get court appointed lawyers in criminal cases, but stay-at-home mothers don’t get a lawyer to represent them in Family Court??!?!?
Its sooo intimidating. I was intimidated but I am tech savvy and know how to get answers. The Ex-Wife speaks Arabic; English is her second language. Yes she can get an interpreter, but she needs help with context, the why something is happening. In addition, the legalize required to navigate the system and the way you need to speak in court is like learning a whole new language. Again, why do mothers NOT get a lawyer to help with representation like criminals do?!?!
And back to the inefficiency.
In July 2023 The Ex-Wife filed a Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance as he is almost $30k in arrears. She came prepared to court in November – he did not. He asked for an extension and was granted one. Mind boggling. He should have been fined/arrested for contempt of court. This is just another way the current justice system fails women.
Instead of the courts forcing him to abide by a court order (divorce decree), He gets another chance to do what he was supposed to do in the first place, causing more stress and angst for The Ex-Wife. In an ideal world, she shouldn’t even have to file the Petition – it should just be upheld and the courts should garnish his bank accounts just like they did for Child Support. Why is the system like this?!?
In my quest to understand the Family Court system, I joined a few FaceBook Family Law Support Groups a did a lot of Googling. I learned that the The Ex-Wife’s experience is all to common:
I’ve come to the conclusion that that the Family Court system is fundamentally broken. Abusers manipulating the courts, filling unnecessary motions, delaying hearings, drag the process out for years with the sole purpose of torturing their victims and avoiding responsibility. The biggest losers of it all are the single mothers who bear the brunt of caring for kids without any financial or institutional support. They are truly victimized twice – by their abuser and by the courts.
Why is it like this? Why has it not changed? This experience was a(nother) real eye-opener for me – and knowing what I know now, I would highly recommend that women NOT have children or get married until this institution has changed to protect vs. betray women and children.
Lessons Learned
All I can say is that Women – do NOT get married or have children. If you don’t pick the right person and things end badly, if you are not rich or do not have a support system, you will be brutalized by both the abuser AND the system, or quite frankly, with the wrong partner, could end up dead.
In addition, when it comes to the OOP, my experience is that the Police do not care. After several violations, Trash was not admonished, no repercussions for his violations. Now maybe thats because it was not physical abuse, but either way, seems like all it is is a piece of paper and its worth nothing. As I mentioned above, not only do the Police not seem to give a shit, OOP information is NOT readily available as it is not covered under the Freedom of Information Act. So essentially, there is NO WAY for any woman to find out if someone has an active or previous OOP. This seems wildly unfair to women – there is just no way to protect yourself in this day and age. It seems very clear to me that men/abusers who have OOP’s against them, they can continue to abuse, intimidate, harass without penalty/repercussion. This is sanctioned systematic assault on women.
“Fifty-five per cent (48,800) of all female homicides are committed by family members or intimate partners, underscoring the disturbing reality that home is far from a safe haven for women and girls. This means that, on average, more than 133 women or girls were killed every day by someone in their own home. In contrast, 12 per cent of homicides against males are perpetrated in the home.“
“While Central and South America experienced a decline in yearly killings between 2017 and 2022 (by 10% and 8% respectively), Northern America witnessed a significant increase (by 29%)“
“1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner“
“72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female.“
“The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%” (Trash has guns).
The statistics are not our favor ladies. From what I’ve researched, the laws are not changing here in Arizona, or in the USA for that matter. Go here for stats by State.
Safety is an illusion – we ladies are not safe. It’s high time I get a gun and learn self-defense. Just two of my many 2024 goals. I highly recommend you do the same.
I was speaking to a friend of mine, who also dated a man who took advantage of her financially. She bought a house and hired him as a contractor to work on the home. She paid him $$ to do this work. He also lived with her, in the home, rent free. When they broke up, she gave him time to move out of the house. He declined to move out. He hired a lawyer and sued her for 1/2 of the house that SHE BOUGHT with her money. So he was NOT on on the title/deed or mortgage, had not contributed a dime to the home, was NOT paying rent, WAS receiving compensation for his work. How did it work out? She ended up having to pay him off – she paid $60k to get him to slither out of her life. Imagine that – a guy wants to use the court system to get what he think he is rightfully owed, when he put NOTHING into the asset. I feel for my friend.
After this conversation, and in preparation for my civil suit, I put together a financial impact statement to better understand the financial impact of dating Trash for 16 months. The amount? $127,311.93. Everything here has a receipt to back it up. This ONLY includes money associated with his deceit beginning June 2023.
Let’s go through each category shall we?
Business Interference
I have lost income directly due to Trash’s actions. This includes:
10.14.22 – I had to cancel a short term booking at the AZ Chandler house because I was in the middle of the eviction process resulting in a loss of $ 1,430.62.
Trash called/emailed AirBnB in late July 2023 (almost a year post breakup) and reported my Mexico B509 Condo as fraudulent / duplicate. AirBnB cancelled all the reservations. There were two at the time:
7.29.23 – 2 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 579.69.
8.18.23 – 8 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 1,460.64.
His actions have consequences – it’s called Tortious Interference. AirBnb has admitted that he did this. We will be amending the Civil Suit to include damages for his interference.
Repairs
Repairs include anything and everything that I had to REPAIR after he broke into my AZ Chandler House and MX Condo. What did he damage/steal:
damaged the Jandy pool filtering system,
he stole the WIFI enabled landscape timer, which had to be replaced and installed
The door between the garage and laundry room that had to be replaced, installed, etc
The $$ for the locksmiths to change the locks 2x!
The replacement and installation of outdoor lighting and cameras he stole
He stole two industrial / commercial grade hoses
The replacement of Ring doorbells and keyless entry door locks
Fraud
NOTE, I was reimbursed by the credit card company, but the total loss for just fraudulent credit card charges is $6,941.56 ($5,883.94 + $1057.62). I filed 2 police reports with Chandler police, one for each card.
Business Credit Card (4757) – $5,883.94. This is the total amount he charged on my card without authorization between June 29th – August 25 2022. He was using my business credit card to entertain other women, including Lola and Nurse N’Poop, purchasing stuff on Amazon, purchasing gas for his truck, taking people out… He had the audacity to purchase new AC units for the Mexico house, on my credit card on August 15th 2022. So starts dating Nurse N’Poop in June 2022 and has the balls to charge $2,069.00 worth of assets on my business card for his house!
This is not just me calling it fraud. I filed a fraud claim with Bank of America – they agreed with me and credited my account.
Personal Credit Card (7767) – $1,057.62 . When I cut him off from the business card, he began using ANOTHER card, 7767, to charge things. So in the first few weeks of September 2022, he racked up $1057.62 in fraudulent charges. I did not know he still had the card, he was supposed to cut it up/not use it. He didn’t use it for many months – only AFTER he was cut off from the business card did he start using the personal credit card. Meaning he did it with purpose, he knew what he was doing. Details of this are in a previous post – Credit Card Fraud — Part 1 . Bank of America agreed this was fraud and credited my account for all the charges.
Theft
$32,601.67. This is what I can account for – meaning I have the receipts of the original purchase or cash withdrawl/transfer. Yes, I poured through credit card statements and purchase websites (Amazon, Overstock, etc). It include 3 primary areas:
$22,591.59 – Replacement of all items he stole from both the AZ Chandler home and the MX B509 Condo.
$6,010.08 – My money that he stole from the safe in the MX house. It was reimbursement of the charges Trash put on my credit card. He purchased a bunch of TV’s and alcholol for bars in MX on my card – he said he forgot his card in MX and asked if he could use my card. I said yes. Once he installed them and was paid, he gave me the money, which I put in the safe. I checked that the money was there before we left town on June 20th 2022. The money was in the safe. I had contemplated taking it with me, but chose not too, as it’s expensive to withdraw USD from an ATM in Mexico. When I went to get my things from the MX house in September 2022, he had taken all the money. We are the only two that knew the code to the safe – so it was definitely him who stole it.
$4000 – Money I gave to him to give the the MX RV Painter that he spent elsewhere. When I returned to MX in September 2022 to get my things, the RV guy was livid that he hadn’t been paid and threatened to sell the RV if he was not paid. I had to scramble around for 2 days to get enough cash to pay the painter so he didn’t sell the RV. Luckily I was able to VENMO money to friends that were headed to MX and get the money to the painter before he sold the RV.
Deception
$35,469.87 – yes, this is a doozy. This is split into the following categories:
Category
Amount
Notes
Car Rental
$1,127.37
When Trash left Kanab for MX, I had to rent a car to get around and get to SLC.
Move
$7,482.08
This is the cost of the move from SLC to Arizona and the cost to move furniture from my rentals to Arizona to replace items Trash had stolen from the AZ Chandler house.
Audi Repairs / Enhancements
$1,211.49
I thought the Audi was mine, so I paid for new tires and added a hitch to the vehicle so I could tow my trailer from SLC to MX. I clearly would NOT have done this if I thought that a) the car was not mine, or b) that he was with someone else.
Lost Income
$14,230.00
I had to take a month of unpaid leave to deal with his violence and shenanigans post-breakup.
MX Kitchen Remodel*
$11,418.93
This is the money I either paid to Trash directly to pay the contractor OR money I paid, on my credit card for supplies.
I want to point out that the MX Kitchen remodel, we agreed to each pay 50%. He told me that the total was going to be $16,000. After we broke up, the contractor told me the total cost of the MX Kitchen remodel was $8,000. You got that right – he lied to me about the total cost of the remodel so that I would pay it all.
Also note, that we were NOT supposed to start the remodel until I returned, but he insisted we start it before I left. I was not comfortable with this, but I didn’t stick to my guns on it. So he had already been communicating and hanging out with the new GF when we went to the hardware store and purchased $2,595.52 worth of supplies (6/14/22 and 6/20/22).
The kitchen remodel story should be a post all on its own, it is so deceptive and egregious.
$40,000.00+ – legal fees I’ve incurred since filing the civil suit to protect myself against Trash. Money I would NEVER have had to spend had he done the right thing.
Lessons Learned
I have learned so much about myself in this fiasco.
I was obviously far too trusting with my money. It just never occurred to me that a significant other would be so deceptive and actually steal from the person that they claim to love.
I also came to the realization that I didn’t think I had anything to steal. I never thought of myself as wealthy, of possessing the kind of money that would make me a target for conmen like Trash.
I now know that I am lucky, that I do have funds that people want to steal/take and/or feel entitled to. Moving forward, in any relationship, here is my course of action:
NOT share my financial state with anyone.
Give access to my credit cards or business accounts to anyone, ever.
I will NEVER invest in another persons property/asset. If you want me to invest, put me on title.
Simplify my life so that I do not “forget” how much cash I give someone. Or better yet, take responsibility for MY STUFF, never counting on someone to own a project (RV, House Remodel, etc) on my behalf.
Reduce the amount of properties I have so I can manage them by myself, without help from a significant other.
Be careful out there peeps. It’s a dangerous world.
This is by far one of the hardest posts I’ve written. It’s about a boy, that I knew for a year, lived with for almost 6 months. This boy is Tiny Trash’s youngest son – a confused, hurt teen that just wanted to be loved and accepted by his father. I will call him Gabe in this post.
I hope you are doing well and getting the therapy you need to understand that what happened to you was not your fault. You are not to blame. You did not deserve it. You did not ask for it. You should not be silenced. You do not have to pretend like nothing happened.
Nobody has the right to violate you. You are not responsible for what happened to you. You are not damaged goods. You were supposed to be treated with dignity and respect. You were the victim of severe abuse and it was wrong.
I tried to protect you the best I could but I see clearly now how much I failed you. I tried to guide you with positive re-enforcement. Tried to connect with you by doing things with you, i.e. cooking your mothers dishes, grocery shopping, walks on the beach collecting shells, even our drives to/from school were times I enjoyed with you. But that wasn’t enough. You needed someone to remove you from the situation. What I should have done is put you in the car and taken you back to your mother. I did think about it, but we didn’t have a car that would make the drive. Instead, I stayed “the f*&k out of it” just like your father told me to do.
Yes, you did some rotten things. But that does NOT mean you deserved any of the abuse.
I want you to know that I finally spoke up. I called your lawyer and DCS and told them that you were telling the truth. Your father did taser you and that I have the taser. I know it’s a late, and I should have done more sooner. For this I am ashamed and something I have to live with.
You have been traumatized in the worst way possible: physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by your own father. Please do not let this define you or your future. Please tell your story to the right therapists, get the help you need to work past this and become the intelligent, funny, and goofy kid you are.
I hope to see you again someday, give you a hug, and see for myself that you are doing well.
Sincerely, Paula
History
I moved to Mexico on December 23rd 2021 to live with Tiny Trash. His two sons were visiting… however, the youngest son was acting out and not respecting his mother (who lives and works in Arizona), so the two of them – Tiny Trash and the ex-wife – decided that it would be best for Gabe to stay in Mexico and live with his father.
This was tough on me – I didn’t get a say in the decision. I moved to Mexico to be with Tiny Trash, we were finally going to be together (we had been doing long distance 8 months). We had made plans to live our best lives together. Our goal was to work for 4 more years and retire on rental income from our combined 5 properties (2 of his (Princesa Condo and Mirador Townhouse), 3 of mine (Chandler AZ, SLC and Kanab UT). Thinking like this made me feel incredibly selfish. On the other hand, I thought I had an opportunity to help this teen…. So I embraced the new situation and did my level best to take care of this troubled teen.
Now looking back on it, I think he used my compassion and empathy for troubled teens as a weapon against his ex-wife. In hindsight, I’m guessing she did not “agree” to the arrangement but it was forced upon her.
How It Started
After Christmas, Trash and I went to the local school to register Gabe. He had to gather his son’s school records from the USA in order for Gabe to attend. Trash picked CIMA High School because as we understood it, they taught classes in both English and Spanish. It turned out that this was not the case. Gabe did not do well while physically attending classes (he didn’t know Spanish, and more importantly he refused to learn it), so the school offered us the opportunity to have Gabe attend classes remotely, from home, and Trash paid for a tutor to sit with him to translate. The tutor was amazing…. but alas it did not work out because Gabe had zero intention of learning Spanish or being successful. It’s as if he wanted to fail to hurt his father.
During all of this, I was the one who spent the most time with Gabe. I was the one who drove him to school and picked him up everyday. I was the one that he spent the day with when he was learning from home. I was the one that sat with him at the kitchen table, everyday, to make sure he was attending online classes and doing his homework. I was the one actively engaged in his life, attempting to help this kid through a really rough part of his life.
What Life Was Like
While Gabe was under our care, Trash’s schedule did not change. He “went to work” (which we all now know was a lie) and I cared for his son. I took care of him, watched him, mentored him, tutored him, etc.. Taking care of a teen was not a new experience for me – I got legal custody of my niece when she was 14 – and she lived with me during her high-school years. Because I had done this before, I thought that Trash and I were meant to be together – He needed someone just like me to support him during this difficult time. Now I realize that Trash was just dumping his son off on me so he could continue to live his life, partying, without disruption. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was a just a free babysitter.
So why this letter to Gabe? Because I failed him. I knew bad things were going on … I tried to stop it, but I didn’t. I was in a foreign country, did not speak the language, working full time, and now taking care of a troubled kid who was doing very stupid things. The car we had was barely functional.
So what was going on you ask?
A lot of physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Yes, Gabe was making very poor decisions:
He kept running away. He ran away 4 times, one time we had to put out the equivalent of an Amber Alert in Mexico for him. Mexico is a safe place – I feel safer in Mexico than I do in the USA. But there are bad people EVERYWHERE. Here is this 13 year old boy, thinking he knows everything, running around alone in Mexico. Each time was very very scary.
He was lying. He would tell anyone that would listen that his father sold drugs, that he was part of the cartel, etc. All very dangerous things to say.
He was stealing. He stole money from us multiple times. We had to get a safe and lock our money up. He stole prescription drugs from our room. We had to put locks on our own bedroom door to keep him out.
So yes, we were dealing with a LOT. I handled it by talking with Gabe, trying to teach him to think about his actions, how to think before he speaks, before he acts. Gabe was emotionally immature, was intelligent but not smart. He was also highly manipulative. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and was always scheming. At the time I didn’t see it but I do now – He is a mini-version of his father.
The Abuse
I grew up in a household with violence. I am very sensitive to it. So when Trash would go after his son, I would leave the house. Go to a neighbors and hang out. Trash would come collect me when he was “done”.
How was Trash teaching his son to “obey” him? By yelling at him. Call him derogatory names. Belittle and demean him. Beat him. Taser him. Yep, Trash had purchased a taser in the US and used it on his son on an almost daily basis. I remember, many times, walking away from the house, hearing Gabe scream from the pain.
Trash would joke with people that he tasered his son. When NO ONE found it funny, he stopped talking about it, but the abuse never stopped.
When I went to the house to collect my stuff in early September 2022, I went to the safe to get my $6000. My money was NOT in in my purse in the safe, but the taser was. He took my money and replaced it with the taser. Think about that – he took my purse out of the safe, removed the money and put the taser in its place. Here it is:
What Happened Next
I took the taser with me. I was not able to go back to the USA until Trash was evicted on October 17th 2022. I had to file for my own order of protection given all the violence he unleashed on me. I know what he was capable of so I was not taking any chances. Trash appealed the Order of Protection and lost his appeal on Nov 9th 2022.
Once I was safe, my number one concern was that Gabe get the help he needed to process what happened to him. This was super important to me. I know that when I got my niece at 14, she was messed up. She continued to make stupid decisions that lead to her running away with a 19 year old meth-head she met on MySpace. She was on a path to self-destruction and she didn’t know it. Her mom and I decided the best thing for her was a lock-down girls school that focused on building self-esteem and CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It was exactly what she needed – she graduated from the program a new kid. Yes, we went to therapy every 2 weeks for years afterwards to stay on track and make sure she was o.k.. My point in sharing this story is that kids can unlearn bad habits and become good kids. My niece is now in her early 30’s and is a fantastic mother, has a great job, and is in school to advance her career. She makes good decisions for herself and her family. I wanted this for Gabe.
So I called DCS – Dept. of Child Safety in AZ. I was told to speak with Holly Roberts…. I spoke to her once. I got the sense that she did not care at all. I shared with her what I am sharing with you now. She said she would call me back with next steps. She never did. Holly told me that Gabe had a lawyer representing him. I called the office of Tiffany Mastin and spoke with Monica Lieske. I shared with her all the above and asked that a) Gabe get the therapy he needs, and b) to pick up the taser. I never heard back from Monica and never received a call from Tiffany.
So the state of Arizona doesn’t care about the kids in their care. If the State of Arizona doesn’t care, then there is nothing more I can do. As much as I want to protect Gabe and help him obtain the counseling he so desperately needs, I have to protect myself. I need to move on from the past and focus on my future. The taser is now the ONLY thing of Trash’s in my house and I want it gone.
Where Is He Now
From what understand, Gabe is living in a group home. He was unmanageable when he returned from Mexico – he started doing drugs, drinking, staying out all night. The kid is 14. His was being abusive towards his mother, not listening to her, so the State took him and placed him in a group home. From what I hear he was not doing well in the group home. My experience with group homes is that the kids just learn more bad habits. I really do not want this for Gabe. I want him to get the help he needs so he can move past the nightmare and learn more productive ways to deal with and heal from his trauma. But as I stated above, if the State of Arizona and Dept. of Child Safety don’t care, there is nothing more I can do.
If you know of a child being abused, report it. Doesn’t mean they will do anything – just watch The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez (on Netflix), but at least you did something. The whole thing is a tragedy really – no one is protecting the kids.
His father has been completely absent in Gabe’s healing/recovery. He actually blames CPS for his sons issues and will not perform any of the activities required to be re-united with his son. It’s really shocking to me that he has not been arrested or charged with a crime – he has abused that boy since he was a little boy. Zero accountability for how his behaviors and actions have caused this kid to be what he is today. I hope that Nurse N’Poop has the strength to NOT let Trash abuse her son.
Narcissists are the most evil human beings on the planet. They do not care about anything or anyone but themselves. They typically live double lives, one with you, and the other full of over-indulging in their vices – sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.. The nex, Tiny Trash, had a double life – To me, he portrayed a man in a committed, loving relationship, full of promise, a future that included travel, early retirement, and marriage….. what I discovered after The Discard is that none of this was real – he was living a double life and was NOT the person he presented to me.
As I write this – a year after we left Mexico to move out of Utah and permanently to Mexico, 10 Months after Discovery Day – August 24th 2022. So much has come out about his double life. It’s still shocks me that any human being is capable of such deceit. I was naive – I had NO IDEA monsters like him existed. Even though HE cheated on me, was sleeping with his Ex, AND had another girlfriend, he became unhinged when I broke up with him:
he is trying to extort money from me (ongoing)- wanting $100k to remove his name from a condo that he didn’t contribute a dime to.
The list goes on and on… I still can’t make sense of it, but I don’t think us normal human beings can ever make sense of someone who behaves and treats people in such a cold, callous, and calculated way.
1 year of chaos. 10 months of insanity. What a roller coaster.
I’m moving forward now. No clear picture what the future looks like for me, I’m still taking life one day at a time. I am not all healed up, I still have a long way to go. But I know, for a fact, that I would NOT be this far along if it were not for my friends, especially Justine, Nadine, and Mary in Mexico. They picked me up off the floor on an daily basis in the early months:
Justine: for the guidance and constant pushes to protect myself and the condo in Mexico. I now have legal possession of MY condo in Mexico. I would NOT have this if it was wasn’t for Justine. She helped me navigate MX processes (who knew that the CFE (electric company) is the MOST IMPORTANT account you could have?).. So many other ways she supported me, all while dealing with Trash and his constant retaliation and harassment against her and her husband.
Nadine: who introduced me to the US legal system as well as narcissism. Her daily reminders to get a lawyer and protect myself. Which I did – the US civil suit was filed in December 2022. Coming to my condo with love, support, and food when I couldn’t get out of bed. Hugs from Nadine are the best.
Mary: who was the shoulder I cried on countless times. She was the safe place for me to be raw and vulnerable. I cried a lot… I was in shock, so numb… Mary helped me get out of the fog and helped me to start feeling my feelings again. She helped me see that I was being too nice, and that getting angry, really angry is a good thing.
I am where I am today because of these ladies. I am forever grateful for their love, support, and guidance. It truly took a team to keep me moving forward in the early days.
In honor of them, I have created a new page dedicated to helping others through their recovery: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse . I don’t want anyone to feel alone or have to navigate the aftermath of such betrayal on their own.
So whats next? Legally I have to protect myself and get back what is rightfully mine. So I have two lawyers helping me navigate the legal system:
Mark Tucker for the USA Civil Suit I filed against Tiny Trash for fraud and deception.
Rogelio Freaner in Mexico re: the Order of Possession for condo that I paid 100% for.
For now, my next step is to compartmentalize my life: Work, Lawsuits, and Healing.
Work: Focus on work so I have a paycheck to pay for lawyers.
Lawsuits: I have so much to do wrt the US Civil suit, so much documentation and evidence needed… I will be sharing more about these suits with you in future posts.
Healing: I’m focusing on learning to trust myself again. I didn’t see this whole thing coming. I thought things were good… I’m trying to figure out why my intuition didn’t scream at me when I needed her most. Send any/all recommended readings my way…
Trash definitely has a con. The Con: He charges people to set up a VPN. He has charged previous clients $250 to set up a physical VPN box as well as charge them for a monthly fee for VPN “service”. That VPN service — NordVPN. Yep. The same one I recommend. He had one customer set up a NordVPN account, got her credentials (username and password), then set up OTHER customers on her NordVPN account. So while she pays for the service, he piggybacks on that service by charging his customers (they pay him) for the service, while he is paying NOTHING. I’ll say it again, he charges customers a “service fee”, they pay him directly, meanwhile, he is paying nothing AND he is using one paying customers account to provide the service to multiple customers. It may not be illegal, but it is certainly unethical.
Don’t fall for the con. You can set up the VPN device yourself and save yourself $200 (the wifi router I recommend will cost you $50). Here is how:
You can set up VPN on this Wifi Router yourself and save yourself $200. Takes 20 minutes.
First, there are a lot of Wifi routers out there. Most of them require a degree in computer science to set them up. There is an easy work-around, and is exactly what Trash has charged his clients $250 to do. Save yourself the $250+ and do this yourself.
Get yourself the ASUS AC1750 WiFi Router (RT-AC65). I recommend this wifi router because it is super simple to set up. If you live full time in Puerto Penasco / Rocky Point Mexico, you can have it delivered to K5 Enterprises in Ajo Arizona. For a small fee, they will receive it and hold it for you until you can pick it up.
Subscribe to VPN Service
Again, I recommend NordVPN – If you want to go with NordVPN, use my referral link to sign up and get a free month for purchasing a monthly plan OR get 3 months free for a 1-year or 2-year plan purchase. If you don’t want to go with NordVPN, pick any VPN service. Link below to the top 3 recommended VPN’s for DirecTV Streaming services (note: NordVPN is on the list).
Super easy to set up. Just turn it on, plug it into the modem (the box where cable comes in for the internet) and program it. Instructions will be included with the Router, but you can also find them here.
Be sure to change the default admin password so no one can take control of your device or make changes to your wifi network setting. This is SUPER important as everyone knows the admin default user name and password (its all over the internet), thereby giving everyone access to reprogram your Wifi router. You DO NOT want this. So change the password as part of the setup.
Go to the VPN section and add your NordVPN details.
Download theOpenVPN client configuration files from NordVPN’s server (choose a server to download its configuration files) and install on the Wifi Router.
Configure DNS Server
Active the VPN Client to start NordVPN on your Asus router.
Once you do this, your Wifi router is now configured to run NordVPN all the time, and every device that is connected to the Wifi network will by default be using the VPN to access content (subscription/streaming services, etc). Again, AS LONG AS ANY DEVICE is connected to the VPN enabled Wifi Network, you will be able to watch your shows in Mexico as if you were watching them from your home country (or whatever country you set up on your VPN).
Other Recommendations
You can do this. Don’t pay someone an exorbitant fee to do this for you.
Also make sure you:
DO NOT give your credit card details to anyone. The person offering this service stole my credit cards and racked up almost $6k in debt. Yes I have the police reports. He also used my private information to set up fraudulent DirecTV accounts. Yes, I also have the identify theft reports filed with both the police AND DirecTV. DO NOT GIVE ANY PERSONAL INFORMATION to him or ANYONE. period.
DO NOT let anyone have the admin password to your Wifi router. Change the admin default password so no one else has it either. Be sure to write it down. Or better yet, get yourself a password saver. Looks like you can get one for free with your NordVPN subscription: NordPass. I personally use LastPass and love it. My company uses OnePasword . Both are easy to use and a great tool to save/store username and passwords. .
DO NOT give anyone the password to your NordVPN account. If you do, they will have access to add devices to YOUR paid subscription!
Please protect yourself. There are A LOT of people out there that will steal from you under the guise of “helping”. You do not need this drama in your life. Setting up VPN is easy. You can do it. If you need help, reply to this post, I will help you.
Post your questions in the comments section. I’ll do my best to reply within 24 hours. If you want to walk through this together, email me at paulasponderings@gmail.com.
There are a lot of posts in the Facebook Rocky Point / Puerto Penasco community groups offering to set up your streaming services (DirectTV, Hulu, Netflix, etc) for a low low price. Below is an example:
This is a scam. You would not hire and pay another person to set up your Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, Disney+… you certainly DO NOT need to hire someone to set up DirecTV streaming. Do it yourself and save the $$ for an experience such as taking your loved one on a fishing adventure, a fishing excursion, see the whale migration.
This post will walk you through why you do NOT need help setting up streaming your home country’s shows while traveling abroad / staying in our little slice of heaven in Rocky Point / Puerto Penasco Mexico.
SmartTV
Skip this section if you already know what a SmartTV is.
A SmartTV is a TV that is connected to the internet. Your interaction with a Smart TV is through the apps, which are either preinstalled on the TV or can be downloaded from an app store. There are a wide range of apps from which to choose, although not all apps are available to all OS platforms. In addition, the apps might work differently from one platform to the next (i.e. a Amazon Fire TV does not have the same interface as the Roku TV).
You can use these apps on the SmartTV’s to stream videos, listen to music, play games, watch live newscasts, or browse the internet. For example, apps are available from services such as Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, DirecTV Steam, YouTube, HBO Max, and a wide range of others. Although any supported app can be downloaded for free, most require a paid subscription to use the streaming services.
Streaming Services
DirecTV Stream is a streaming service, same as Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Apple TV, etc. that you subscribe to online, pay a monthly fee, download an app, and use the service. Installation of physical equipment is not necessary. You do not call someone and hand over your credit card info to set up Netflix, Hulu and the like in the Unites States. Same in Mexico – You absolutely do not help setting up a streaming service, you can do it yourself. You don’t need to hire some random stranger from a FaceBook group to install a “streaming service”.
WATCH OUT FOR SCAMS: be very wary of anyone offering to help you set up your streaming service. Whatever you do, DO NOT give anyone your credit card or account information – go directly to the source (the streaming service) and set it up. Scams like this are prevalent – I had a DirectTV person steal my credit card number and use it to set up fraudulent accounts. It took a lot of time and energy to report this theft to my bank, DirecTV, and the AZ police department. Not to mention – cancelling the card – waiting for the new one – transfering all auto payments to the new card
All said and done in my case, the guy racked up $6k in unauthorized charges. You do NOT want to go through this. So do NOT give your money or credit card number to anyone.
Now that we have all the warnings out of the way, I’m here to help you set up your VPN (Virtual Private Network) so you can gloriously enjoy your US/Canadian/Italian shows while in Mexico.
DirecTV Streaming
Most of the posts in the Puerto Penasco Facebook groups are offering help with setting up DirecTV streaming service. DirecTV is moving AWAY from their Satellite service and moving their offering to streaming as a way to compete with Netflix, Hulu, Disney, etc.. But most folks that have the old DirecTV Dish are probably not familiar with streaming services in general, and switching from the dish to services may seem scary. It is not. DirecTV Streaming vs. Satellite: What’s the Difference? is a well written article that articulates the difference between the two.
DirecTV Streaming is an app that can be downloaded and is compatible with Amazon Fire TV Stick, Apple TV, Roku, Android TV, Samsung Smart TV, or Chromecast. So basically if you have a Smart TV and/or device, all you have to do is download the DirecTV Stream app and sign in.
I called DirecTV Stream Customer Service (so you don’t have to) to confirm this. If you have multiple locations where you want to stream DirecTV via DirecTV Stream, here are the caveats:
One home will be listed as a Primary Residence. You can enable as many devices as you want at this location. Example, you live in Phoenix Arizona and have 20 TV’s, download the app and watch DirecTV stream on all of them.
The second home (location) can have UP TO 3 devices using DirecTV Stream. Example, you have a home/condo in Puerto Penasco that you frequent and want to watch your shows there too.
What this means to you:
IF you have a primary residence in the States, this will be considered your Primary Home and the DirecTV Streaming service will be “registered” at this location.
If you live full time in Mexico, you will need to have a USA address to use to set up the DirecTV Streaming service/subscription. This will be considered your primary residence. Why? Because DirecTV Stream services are ONLY available in the USA.
Tech Talk: VPN
If you want to watch your USA shows in Mexico, then you will also need to use a VPN (Virtual Private Network). This is true of ALL streaming services – You cannot access USA streaming service content without a USA IP address. And if you are traveling abroad, you need a VPN service to obtain/use a USA IP. A VPN alters your IP address to the server you’re connected to and makes it seem like you’re browsing from within the USA (sneaky I know).
If you try accessing DirecTV Stream without a VPN, you will be prevented from accessing the streaming service. Others streaming services will offer content of the country you are in. For example, if VPN is NOT enabled, Netflix will show you the content available for the country you are in. Every streaming service is a bit different.
Anyway, my point is, you need is a VPN Service to watch DirecTV Stream in Mexico (or wherever you travel to). Here is what you need to do to get USA content via streaming services like DirectTV while you are in Mexico:
Download and install the DirectTV Stream app on your device.
Subscribe, Download and Install a VPN
I recommend NordVPN – I personally have been using it for years and have never have had a problem. I work full time in Mexico and use the NordVPN app on my laptop for work. My condo in Mexico has 3 TV’s: 2 Smart TVs and 1 TV with a Firestick installed. The TV’s and the Firestick have the NordVPN app installed on it. Currently (as of Dec. 2023), when I turn on any TV, I:
first go to the NordVPN app, and connect to a USA Server,
then I go to the streaming service app, i.e. Netflix, Hulu, Prime Video and the content is exactly the same as what I see/watch when I am in the USA.
If you want to go with NordVPN, use my referral link to sign up and get a free month for purchasing a monthly plan OR get 3 months free for a 1-year or 2-year plan purchase. If not, pick any VPN service. Link below gives you a lot of information on the top 3 recommended VPN’s for DirecTV Streaming services (note: NordVPN is on the list).
Install NordVPN on every single device you want to stream services on.
Install NordVPN on a wifi router so all devices that use the wifi network will be protected
Currently I have option 1 setup. I have VPN loaded on 3 TVs, my work laptop, mobile phone, etc.. I have to check each of these devices individually to make sure the VPN is enabled before I go to streaming app to watch something. NordVPN is awesome, sometimes it disconnects if there is a long period of zero usage. This is a god thing.
With this said, I will be moving to option 2 below in early 2024 – installing NordVPN on the router. What this will mean is that any device connected to the wifi router is covered. .
For. me, option 2 is better because all the devices would be connected to the wifi router, and I would not have to go to each TV/device and make sure VPN is on. right now I have 6 machines connected to the VPN: 2 tv’s, my computer, my phone, , with option 2, the do not have to figure out if VPN is running/active on every device. on every device iInstructions for both are included below.
Option 2: Install NordVPN on a Wifi Router
This is a GREAT option IF you find the right router with easy setup. This is the best option for your home as ANY device connected to the Wifi network will be protected and able to stream USA content.
Now that the installs are done, you will follow these steps over and over for every device you want to stream content. Sometimes when I don’t watch TV that much, the VPN will disconnect (to be expected when it’s not active). Same thing happens with all streaming services, i.e. Netflix, Hulu, etc..
Go to the VPN app and log in.
Connect to a VPN server located in the US.
Go to the DirecTV or any other streaming app and log in.
Start watching your shows!
And that is it. You should be logged in with DirecTV and see your USA shows.
As you all know, I filed a Civil Suit # (redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify) in the USA against Trash for fraud, deception, and theft. The premise of the complaint is simple:
He actively deceived me in order to con me into purchasing a condo in Mexico (Stealing My Condo)
He is responsible for damage at my house in Chandler, AZ
He is responsible for all items he stole from me that I had to replace
Last but not least, for the safe return of the items he stole that are NOT replaceable (artwork, rug, furniture, etc. – They Steal What You Love)
As you know, he played the victim and was claiming that I squatted in HIS MX Condo. In summary, he lied to me about his financial situation. Had I known the truth, I would have NEVER entered into a real estate transaction with him. This is the biggest reason I filed the civil suit – He actively deceived me about his financial state – which is fraud in its purist definition: ”wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.“
Currently we are in the discovery phase. This means that I have to present my case and evidence and Trash needs to present his. Well, after much delay on his side, he/his lawyer finally responded last week. There are two parts to his response, and of course, the lessons I’m learning along the way:
It’s rich folks so grab yourself a cocktail and strap in.
The $102,278.07 Invoice
Yes, you read that right. His main piece of evidence is a $102,278.07 invoice for work WE did at my properties, including a price on the honey-do list. That’s right. He basically entered into court a falsified document, an invoice with:
a price for work WE did as a couple on the properties. He did not do them alone – we did them TOGETHER, as a couple.
things he offered to do because he fired contractors I had hired to do the work because they were “taking advantage of me”
activities that happened after the date of the invoice – January 2022.
things that never happened or ever existed
Basically he entered into court a false document, which he will attempt to use as “proof” I owed him $100k, thus the reason he didn’t contribute a penny towards the purchase of the Mexican condo.
The reality is, he lied to me about his financial situation, and he is trying to cover this fact up by submitting a false narrative and attempting to back up his false narrative with a fraudulent document.
The Invoice is Forgery
This is absolutely a forged document. There was never a single discussion nor was the invoice presented to me while we were dating. There is no way he can back up ANY of the claims he states in this fabricated invoice. In Arizona, A false document is one that is forged, groundless, contains a material misstatement or false claim, or is otherwise invalid. The recording of a false document with the county recorder will subject the person to both civil and criminal liability under Arizona’s false documents statute.
Notice the invoice is dated January 2022. Most of the items on this invoice took place in 2022, not 2021. I have ALL the receipts. Below are just a few examples:
1. October 2022. All the directTV charges (all directTV items and anything electronic related were returned to his employer) are fabricated.
I returned all his work equipment and all electronic devices to his employer in Oct 2022. I have an email confirmation from his supervisor that the items were picked up and here are the pictures of the actual return event.
2. November 2022. Trash abandoned a bunch of things at the house. He had over 8 weeks of unfettered access to the house during the eviction process and an additional 2 weeks to make “reasonable attempt” to get his things:
He broke into the home on Sept. 7th 2022
He was officially evicted on Oct. 17th 2022.
Oct. 17th – 31st 2022 to make a “reasonable effort” to retrieve the items he left
He chose, instead to leave his shit. Which I had to remove from the property. Here are the pictures I took upon the initial entry on Oct 17th 2022. It took me a month to itemize the list of shit that he a) left and b) stole …. All his items were either a) sold and money given to the true owner (Lola) or b) donated and Trash was given the tax donation forms.
He took some of his things – his bed, his two dining tables, all the kitchen stuff (including the dishes, Tupperware, silverware, pots, pans, etc., but mostly he stole my stuff – rugs, towels, cleaning supplies, bedding, art (Steal what you love part 1). But he made ZERO attempt to get the things he invoiced me for. Invoice total of $18,299.30 for items HE HIMSELF DID NOT PICKUP and where legally disposed of. Let’s also remember that most of these items, including the camping gear, he stole from Lola,
So it can be proven in a court of law that the following line items are false and fraudulent:
3. Installation of Custom Blinds in Kanab. This is a false entry all around. There are no custom blinds in Kanab, UT. There are NO blinds in Kanab. The curtains in the bedrooms I hung myself. Certainly not a custom job. Check it out for yourself here.
No “custom blinds” anywhere:
And that is just a small sample of the issues with the Invoice. Proving him wrong with pictures and documentation will show that he is lying and will damage his credibility, which in the end is what I want.
Examples Of his Outrageous Pricing
He is delusional – his rates are higher than experts, ie. licensed electricians, plumbers, landscapers, etc..
The examples I am about to share are just a few of the many on the invoice. They say that Narcissists are transactional… so while I thought we were in a real relationship where we do things for each other and with each other, he was keeping track of everything “he did”. This invoice is the epitome of his keeping track and wanting compensation for things he offered to do as my boyfriend.
Here is a link to all the pictures of Lincoln Lane, the house in SLC I sold. I miss that house… I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and money into this house. It was my dream home. I would NEVER have sold it had I known who Trash really was. All he had to do is tell me he found someone else. But he didn’t, because he wanted money. And I think his response to the Civil Suit proves it.
And again, he would never be able to prove this was a valid invoice – he never presented this or any invoice to me while we were dating, and there is not a single text message, voicemail, or anything that would substantiate his claim.
This is just another way Trash uses the system, lying directly to the courts, and making the victim, me, prove that he is lying. Its just insane.
$4670 for a New Front Lawn
At the SLC home (Lincoln Ln), I wanted to have my regular landscaper to update the sprinkler system, level out the front yard, and lay new seed. The estimate was for $3000. Trash said they were “taking advantage of a single woman” and said we could do it. Yes, he put the plan together.. but did not listen to me when I had concerns. I’m OCD, and the sprinklers were put in the wrong place, causing the lawn to die in certain areas. He also did not level out the yard, which I kept asking about/wanted to do – but he said it would even out … of course it didn’t, so spring came and it was bumpy and lumpy, causing water to pool in places and other places (the mounds) the grass died… It was a horrible job, but I didn’t say anything because I knew if I spoke up he would call me ungrateful. But it bugged me BIGLY. The invoice includes the following for our work – a total of $4670. So $1,670 MORE than an expert. AND I had to incur the extra expense of renting a back hoe, purchasing mulch, seed, sprinkler parts, etc.. All of which was included in the experts $3k estimate.
Here is what I could have gotten if I paid the $3000 – Left picture is of the backyard that was professionally done. Vs. what I paid $1370 MORE for that Trash delivered. I think it is very clear which option most humans would select.
$770 to Cut Brick Wall Cut for Sliding Door
This is another perfect example of work at the SLC Lincoln Ln house. I had found an expert that cuts brick/cement for a living. He gave me an estimate of $200 to cut the brick out (two vertical 5 foot cuts) and remove the debris. This is what was required to get the new sliding glass door in the master bedroom installed. I was fine with paying this, seemed fair to me. Trash again said this expert was taking advantage of me, a single woman… so he offered to do it himself. What does Trash think HE deserves for this small job? $770. – $570 MORE than an expert. FYI – the job took him maybe an hour, and probably 3 hours total if you include the time to run to Home Depot to pick up and return the saw required to cut the brick. I had additional expenses that are not included in his estimate – I paid for for the saw rental, for a new blade (which was expensive!), AND the removal of the debris. None of these additional expenses would have been incurred IF we had just left it to the expert. So all in all, having Trash do this job, at his prices and the extra expenses by NOT having the expert do it, costs me an extra $800-$900. Ridiculous-ness.
$285 to Power Wash the Driveway
This one is good. Why? Because there was a local high school kid going around the neighborhood offering to power wash peoples driveway. I have a large driveway so he quoted me $100. I thought it was a good deal. Trash, however, did not. He offered to do it, so I purchased a power washer and he spent an hour power washing the driveway. Now he is invoicing me for 3 hours at $95/hour for a total of $285. Just pure rediculousness.
The driveway is large… but I would have MUCH rather hired the teen boy for $100 and NOT purchased a power washer… Again, just sharing the tip of the iceberg here.
The Mexico Condo
In true form, and as I outlined in Do Not Mingle Finances post, Trash finally publicly states his plan is to steal MY condo. Here is the “settlement offer” my lawyer and I received last week.
Option 1: Sell the property. I get my initial investment back (so he finally admits he didn’t pay a dime for the condo), but that we SPLIT the proceeds evenly. He does NOT mention that I paid for all repairs and that he collected all the rental proceeds. So basically, he wants to make money on my money.
Option 2: I buy him out. Essentially, I pay him $100k to go away. At least he finally admits, in black and white, what he is really about.
The entitlement is MIND BOGGLING.
Both options include dismissing the eviction judgement for $11,053.00(Evicting the Ex) AND release him from paying my legal fees of $3,932.50 in the OOP hearing he lost. In addition:
he wants me to pay for the legal fees I’ve incurred for the Civil Suit. We would NOT be here, both of us incurring legal fees, if he had just done the right thing from the beginning. The audacity.
He wants to control the sale of the condo – using his agents (oh hell no) and set the price (the market does that you dummy).
Lessons Learned
This situation has been tough. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo while all of this goes on. What I realized during this Civil Suit discovery phase is that it is going to take forever and I cannot put my life on hold. I need to learn to compartmentalize my life. Deal with this stuff when I need to. Focus on rebuilding my life and moving forward when I’m not dealing with this lawsuit. I am actively working on figuring this out now – what do I want to do with the rest of my life? What can I do now to inch forward and not let this situation stop me from moving forward and getting me down?
Today was a tough day. Today, April 26th 2023, was the Order of Possession trial in Mexico. I am physically and mentally exhausted.
What is an Order of Possession?
I cannot find any good websites that describe it, but basically, it’s a court order that states that one person has exclusive rights to occupy a unit/home. Legase for this action: “The legal mechanism known as possessory action guarantees possession of the property to the legitimate owner of an asset.”.
Trash is listed as a co-owner of the property on the private contract (explained in my Don’t Mingle Finances post), but with this court order, I am the only one who can be in possession of the condo. Meaning if Trash comes near the unit, does any damage, harms me while I am in the condo, he can be taken to Mexican jail and pay a fine. Think of it as a USA version of an Order of Protection but for a piece of property. So as long as I’m in the condo, I am safe… but if I leave the condo, and Trash decides to harm me, I will have to file a separate police report because the Order of Possession ONLY protects the condo from his wrath.
I tried to obtain the USA version of an Order of Protection in Mexico, but from what I was told by my lawyer, this is nearly impossible to obtain in MX. Apparently Mexico is behind the times when it comes to protecting victims of domestic violence. Not to say that the USA has a one up – as we all know, the US version of an OOP is just a piece of paper and law enforcement doesn’t take them seriously (otherwise Forensic Files and Dateline wouldn’t have 20+ seasons each).
Why Do I Have an Order of Possession?
Well, after I discovered Trash’s double life, I broke up with him. Since we lived together in Mexico, I needed to remove my stuff from the home we shared. We agreed that I could get all my things Labor Day Weekend in September 2022. He would not give me the code to the condo until the day I was driving down – August 31st. Throughout the following days, he would remove the code and not allow me into the condo or the MX house to obtain my things. It was a game he was playing – removing my access unless I talked with him, which I would not. Days and days of this BS, all the while he was partying it up in Prescott with Nurse Nincompoop (aka Nurse N’Poop). How he found the time to continually harass me while love bombing his new “soul mate” is beyond me. When he returned from Prescott, he broke into my Chandler home (September 7th (Home Invasion #1)). I immediately hired laywers in both the USA and Mexico. I was NOT safe and I had no idea how to protect myself.
I began working with Rogelio, my MX attorney on seeking an Order of Possession. It was granted immediately thanks Trash’s break-in on September 13th 2022 ( 1st Break-in and 2nd Break-in). Scariest day of my life. It took forever to serve him in Mexico, but once served, the Order of Possession was official. He was served while he was with Nurse N’Poop and friends at his Princesa D108 condo. Would be interesting to hear how he explained this one away.
He could have left well enough alone, after all, he has contributed $0 to the condo AND he made money on my money (Don’t Mingle Finances). But nope, he hired a laywer and appealed this Order of Possession. So today is the day of the appeal hearing – today is his day in court to prove his case – why he should also possess and occupy the unit.
What is Mexican Court Like?
Mexican court is very interesting – in some ways it’s the same as the US court system – inefficient, behind the times, etc.. What makes it extra complex for Americans is the requirement to translate EVERYTHING to Spanish. And I mean EVERYTHING.
So in the USA, when you have court, you have a judge, a court reporter, you have lawyers ask questions, witnesses give answers, etc.. Witnesses do not get to hear everyone’s testimony, they are called in when it is their turn. SAME in Mexico for the most part.
Here are the differences:
there is no judge, there is a Secretary that types the questions and answers into a computer.
there are multiple people in the room: the Secretary, the witness, the interpreter, and both lawyers.
We are each allowed 2 witnesses:
Trash picked his brother and Abe, a guy that works for him.
Representing me were:
Justine, the former condo property manager and person I was texting with during the breakin.
Cesar, the bodyguard, whom was present when Trash broke into the condo the first time and second time.
There is only one witness in the room at all times. The courtroom is a small room and there is no waiting room, so when we were not being interviewed, we stood outside or sat in our cars.
At the end of all the testimony, the lawyers and translators review the documentation.
If all looks good, the Secretary prints the documents, and everyone who participated in the day has to sign the paperwork along the borders.
Given this, it took from 11am to 5:30pm to complete all the “interviews”, prepare the documents, and have everyone sign the documents.
So What Happens Now?
The judge will get a file that is thick as thieves — evidence submitted (police reports, ring doorbell recordings, apostiled documents from the USA (my order of protection, the financial statements that show I paid 100% for the condo, all of the Chandler police reports, etc), witness statements from the court hearing today, etc.. The judge will determine the outcome. I understand he will make a decision within 3-5 months. While the court is making its decision, the Order of Protection stands in place.
So, we wait.
Why was this so hard for Me?
It’s the first time I have seen him since the USA Order of Protection hearing on Nov. 9th (OOP Upheld). So the good news is he looks HORRIBLE. I can’t believe that I found him even remotely attractive at any point. His beer gut, his man boobs, and now he has a short haircut that makes his head look like a special needs child that needs a helmet. Outside of his physical appearance, I clearly saw him for who he really is – a conman, a self-entitled, selfish, sociopath narcissist – a what is yours is mine guy that has zero moral compass.
It shook me hard. It’s like a lightning bolt hit me – I was way too trusting, too nice. There was evil on this earth and I saw it in him.
I’ve been in shock since August of last year. I don’t go out, I don’t get to know people. I am alone almost 100% of the time. It has been really hard for me to come to grips with the fact that I was with someone that I thought I knew, but in the end, it was never real:
He knowingly lied to me (he never had the money for the condo); he never intended to pay me back for his 1/2 of the condo
He took all the rental income; did not give me a penny
And now he wants to profit from my investment
He was not in a committed, monogamous relationship as he presented to me – he had been having sex with anyone who would have him (so gross)
Nothing about him is or was real. I’m still shook by all of this. Since November 2022, I have basically been self isolating. I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, I don’t want want or need any drama in my life. I don’t go out. I work from home… I’ve gone weeks without leaving my house (thank you Door Dash!).
Right now, I’m just done. I’m done with people, with humans….. I need to find a therapist to help me through this period. Just know I’m working on it. I’ll get there. But if you do not hear from me, it’s because I am trying to figure things out and heal myself.
Lessons Learned
Same lessons I speak of all my previous posts – don’t trust anyone:
Always do a background check before dating anyone (I use Truthfinder)
Speak to the ex prior to engaging in the new relationship
Never co-mingle money
Please pass / forward this blog onto other women who may be going through the same thing. The more we ladies a) stick together, and b) learn from each other, the less havoc these conmen will wreak in our lives.
I’m going to bed now. Going to have a good cry, hug my new cat Josie, and hope that I can sleep as I have a shit-ton of work to do tomorrow.
WARNING – This is a very long post…. its is a 2 day walk through of a horrible breakup with the lying, cheating ex-boyfriend, whom I’ve come to learn is a sociopathic narcissist. It is written 7 month post-breakup and in a journalistic format. Only truths and receipts here. I am doing this post for my Lawyer, who has asked me to put together a timeline of “how things came to light”.
Overview
So much about my “relationship” with Trash has come to light over the last 7 months. It is clear we were in two very different relationships – I was with him because I loved him, trusted him, and thought we wanted the same things – work hard for an early retirement, have a loving, committed relationship. He said he wanted these things and behaved in a manner that lead me to believe he wanted these things as well. But it was a con – He was mirroring me – I can only assume to con me out of my hard earned money. This has been the hardest for me to come to terms with – that everything he presented to me about himself and how he felt about me was false and fraudulent. I also still feel incredibly gullible for falling for it all… but my family and friends remind me, over and over again, that I was actively deceived and I could not have seen it coming.
You must know, first and foremost, that we had a relationship based on trust (or so I thought). We had agreed early on in our relationship that if either of us ever wanted out of the relationship OR met someone else that we wanted to pursue, we would be forthright and tell the other person. AT 50 years old, there is no reason to spend time and energy in a relationship with someone who does NOT want to be with you. We had 90 day reviews to make sure we were still on the same page. We shared what went well; what wasn’t working, and we made plans to do more of what was great and change the things that didn’t work for us. This is why it NEVER occurred to me he was lying, cheating, or living a double life. Long story short, while I was away, selling my house so we could live our lives together in Mexico like we had planned in late May 2022, I had absolutely no reason to doubt him:
we had this agreement,
we communicated daily,
we were still talking about our future together,
I was not aware of any new “special friend”‘s
With that said, this post is long and is divided into five parts:
So here goes… get some coffee, some wine, some snacks, cause here we go!
How I Discovered the Truth
I don’t even know where to begin. So much happened in the days between August 23rd and August 26th 2022. Three days is all it took to turn my world upside down. The amount of lies and gaslighting that happened is still mind-boggling to me. He kept badgering me to talk, but I knew nothing that came out of his mouth would be the truth so I kept the entire conversation in WhatsApp. And I’m glad I did because now I have proof of his depravity and active deception.
He came over to the Chandler house on August 23rd. I had driven a trailer full of stuff down from SLC (I had, after all, just sold my house and moved to Chandler). The trailer was sitting outside in the driveway (against HOA policy) because Trash’s car was in the garage. Trash was to supposed to remove his car from the garage before I arrived so I could put the trailer in the garage, but he didn’t do it. He told me he was in MX working (which was a lie). So on August 23rd he came over around 2pm-ish, walked inside without knocking, took a call with CPS, then went into the garage to get his car out of the garage. Once the car was out, he helped me back the trailer into the garage. After we completed this, we went inside to have dinner and go to bed. After dinner he sprung it on me that he was going to stay the night with his ex-wife… which is an unbelievable story. He also mentioned that he borrowed a mutual friends car…. and he also left green drink supplements at my house. These three things got me thinking… and so I began to do some investigating in the early morning hours of August 24th 2022.
Lie #1: Staying the Night with the Ex-Wife
Its not in the phone text below, but you can see below on 8/23/22 at 9:54pm he says “call me”. He had just left the Chandler house after telling me he was going to “spend the night at his ex-wife’s house“. I didn’t believe him. I called him – he told me not to worry, that I had nothing to worry about. He loved me, but that his son was NOT doing well and needed him. I called bullshit on this story. I have confirmed with his ex-wife that he did NOT spend the night at her house. She also confirmed that she doesn’t have a couch. SO he lied bigly.
Lie #2: The Borrowed Car
As you can see above, he tells me that he borrowed his friends car. I reached out to the friend. She got back to me a day later. He absolutely did NOT borrow her car –Whatever he did, I don’t care. There should be no reason to lie about this …. unless he was hiding something. Which he was.
Lie # 3: The Green Supplement Drink
Anyone who knows Trash knows he doesn’t drink anything but alcohol or water. So anyone with half a brain knows him drinking a green smoothie is a bold faced lie. “Its a cleanse and I wanted to try it” is just so ridiculous. This was when I stopped taking his calls.
His Own Comments with Mutual Friends
So given the lies above above, I was in a state of shock, but I knew there could be no good explanation for the lies. I didn’t care what he did, how he did it, when he did it. He lied to me – more than once. And no one lies unless they have something to hide.
Because I had an asset to protect, my Princesa B509 Condo, I needed someone to manage it while I sorted everything out (see how he is attempting to steal my Condo here) . She let me know that Trash had let her and her husband know that we had broken up and she was sorry to hear it. I said it was news to me and asked if she would be willing to take back over managing the condo. She said yes… Then I asked her what Trash had shared with her while I was away… Boy, it was a doozy. Here story was consistent with others that I spoke with. What came to light was:
Trash had told folks in my friend circle that we had broken up.
Trash was with Nurse NincomPoop (aka N’Poop) at a bar. A friend approached Trash to say hi and ask how I was doing. Trash told my friend that he didn’t know, that I was “three girlfriends ago“.
Another friend spotted him at a table for two at our “special place”, Pane e Vino, the very same place we had our 90 day review/conversation at the end of May. We discussed how hard it had been with his son living with us, but that HE still wanted to move forward together. We agreed on the next steps in our relationship (sell my SLC house, purchase property in MX and build a house, take the RV for a month long RV trip), etc..
So basically, while I was away, following through on our agreed upon plan, Trash found himself new supply. I was devastated…. I was in shocked to my very core. I was numb. I had yet to wrap my head around what I had just done – sold my personal residence in Salt Lake City Utah, packed up myself, my cats, and HIS DOG and traveled by myself from SLC to Chandler with a car and a trailer. I gave up a good life, a beautiful home, moved to a place where I knew NO ONE except for him, only to find out that the person I did all this for was a man-child who had zero integrity or moral compass, who purposely and actively deceived me for the entirety of our relationship.
His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages
So I moved off of text and onto Whatsapp for all communication starting August 24th 2022. I would not speak to him. I did not trust anything that came out of his mouth, I wanted everything in writing. And I’m glad I did that, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do the same thing, especially if you are dealing with a liar, cheater, manipulator, and/or a violet person.
WORDS OF WISDOM: If you ever find ourself in this position, NEVER take his calls. Narcissists and master manipulators are very good at gaslighting you into thinking that you are crazy. DO NOT TALK TO THEM while you are vulnerable. Let them explain themselves in text and take your time with your responses. Use your brain, not your heart.
Here is the exchange between us, with commentary, from August 24th – 26th 2022. Trash is on the left in Grey, I am on the right, in Green. These are the exchanges, what you must know was that I was in complete shock; my body was shut down, my mind was numb… I was so hurt, just devastated… and to feel this way and continue to hear him lie, over and over again was so traumatic.
So yes, once I found out he had a whole ass girlfriend, I removed him from all my accounts (credit cards, utilities, anything that we shared). He then says its “extreme” and I’m “f*king dumb” for doing this.. Really? WHO WOULDN’T DO THIS?
You will see in the next section that this is a clear lie… Trash and Nurse N’Poop) Facebook Relationship Status changed to “In a Relationship” 14 days PRIOR to this series of lies… on August 14th 2022. HE KNEW he was lying and he just kept on going...
SIDE STORY: On August 14th 2022, Trash asked his ex Lola for a blowjob AT Nurse N’Poop’s HOUSE in her Master Bedroom. Lola cleaned her house on Aug. 13th. Trash was unhappy with the deep clean (something about baseboards), had Lola return on the 14th. Now that the furniture was in the house, why not ask your ex-girlfriend for a blowjob in the new girlfriends master bedroom????
Yeah, met the girl of his dreams. Sure. (Insert eye roll emoji here).
So I begin asking him questions. If you do not have a new GF, then why the rumors? Because rumor has it he had been all over town with her, she stayed at the house we shared Costa Diamante, he stayed with her and her kids at the Princesa Condos, they visited “our” restaurants together… Here are the two days of WhatsApp transcripts full of his lies and gaslighting.
Umm, yeah, people can and did say different. Trash and Nurse N’Poop were all over Princesa the entire summer. As a matter of fact, when I got back into my B509 unit, there was viagra everywhere. I knew it was his… so he had the audacity to take her to MY CONDO…. just disgusting.
And this is where it gets ugly.. trying to get my phone number back from Trash. and him being “indignant” that I would accuse him of cheating with a “married woman”… NOTE: Nurse N’Poop filed for divorce late May 2022. So technically married yes, sleeping around while her divorce was moving through the court systems, also yes. How do I know – It’s public record.
Here it comes peeps, strap in.
Like dude, leave me alone. I said I never wanted to see you again. Do NOT come near me, ever again! Jees. A bit of history: while Trash was in Utah helping me move from July 27th through August 2nd, he purchased a car for me, a blue 2008 Audi Q8, a tire went flat….. I wanted to purchase the car on my own, but he insisted on buying it for me. I was just trying to get the flat fixed on a car that I thought was mine.
FYI – the rim was not messed up.
I’d really like to know who he thinks is “nobody” because everybody I knew in Mexico knew about Nurse N’Poop… The only person that did not know was ME!! So I must be the nobody he speaks of here.
In my above comment about “last weekend”, this was the weekend of Aug. 18th-22nd when we, we being Trash, myself, and his two sons, were to be at baseball games together. I later discovered he was NOT in Mexico and instead went to the games with Nurse N’Poop.
And here we go about getting the “real” story about Nurse N‘Poop. He had originally told me that he had “old friends” stay with him at our Costa Diamante house (by OUR I mean the fact that we lived there together, Trash absolutely is the sole owner wrt mortgage). What we know now, Nurse N’Poop was NOT an old friend, but a very new friend, that he did NOT mention to me, his current girlfriend.
I have since found out that he did post on Facebook as did Nurse N’Poop and her friends, but he was able to block me from seeing these photos. I have friends who began sharing these photos with me, so let’s just say, that he knew at the time I didn’t know how Facebook works, but I do now. He blocked me from seeing what he was doing, period. End of story.
Yes, let’s talk about the RV. I gave Trash $4000 to pay the RV guy. Trash did NOT give the RV guy his money. He kept it for himself. So I had to pay MORE money to get the RV back from the paint guy. Just more $$ that Trash stole from me.
Just highlighted above how he said he would never mess with my phone service. I wanted to take my phone line back, but he would not let me (wouldn’t call to approve it, wouldn’t give me the code to do it myself). And he is “that way”. Within 2 weeks he had my service shut off because I would not talk to him. You can read all about it here).
Trash claims Nurse N’Poopand all her friends knew about me, knew he loved me, and they like me (see the “Yes all of them like u“).. . I then ask for their contact details so I can confirm this. Because in a mature relationship, if they know about me, and they are “just friends”, shouldn’t I be aware of them as well?
So for those interested, here is a picture of Trash at the party with Nurse N‘Poop.. Canoodling was definitely had. She was his guest at the party. So he knows these pictures exist, he knows I have them, and he STILL denies it. SMH.
Seeking comment from my readers: I’d like to know how many of you would be o.k. with YOUR boyfriend entertaining a new lady friend that he has NOT told you about at a party where ALL of your friends are in attendance. Rumors are flying. He is very much enjoying himself with her. And I can guarantee you that if I showed up at a party with a new guy where all his friends were, he would go ballistic. It is the double standard of a cheater.
Also notice how its Justine’s fault because she was ONE of the multiple people who told me. Every one of our friends was at this party, not just Justine.
So I ask him above if he took Nurse N’Poop to Pane e Vino, which is our special place. He knew it was our special place, which is why I asked him. His response below is “f*&k no”…. which I know is NOT true based on the first hand account of a friend.
For whatever reason, Trash continues to blame Justine for his actions, never taking accountability for his behavior.
Please note the retaliation is real. Trash has made it his mission to constantly harass Justine and her husband since August 2022. He has publicly threatened her and her dogs, to the point she has filed a police report, added 24/7 security to her home, and faces his retribution on a weekly if not daily basis TO THIS DAY (Updated January 2024)..
The going gets good here. If his behavior is so innocent, I ask to speak to Nurse N’Poop… he loses it —
NOTE: That the exchange I share in the above WhatsApp message is a text exchange between Trash and a friend stating that we (he and I) agreed to not speak for 3 weeks. Which never happened. We never agreed to this, we spoke all the time. Like I mention in my comments to him is that I wanted/needed to have deeper conversations with him but he didn’t make the time. For example, the Lehi house needed a new floor, we needed to talk about it. He wouldn’t make time for this conversation SO I MADE THE DECISION myself (which of course he didn’t agree with). I figured it out later it is because he was spending all his time with Nurse N’Poop.
These next sets of messages get to the heart of the matter. Where he finally admits that he is “friends” with Nurse N’Poop. What I know now, he began a relationship with Nurse N’Poop in June BEFORE we left Mexico for Utah. I don’t care when they started having sex. He began a new relationship with another woman and did not tell me about it 3 FOR MONTHS. If you can’t tell your partner about a new friendship, or you have to hide a relationship from your partner, that is cheating. Period.
FYI – that picture in the whatsApp is of Trash with Nurse N’Poop and her friends on Aug. 22nd which you can find below in the timeline. It’s the weekend he told me he couldn’t go to the game with me and his boys because he was in Mexico. Clearly he was not in Mexico, he was with his new supply.
And now its my fault – He is not the liar, I am the insecure one – umm hmmm, gaslighting at it finest.
Just want to make it very clear to everyone – finally, we agree that it’s over (above). This is August 25th at 9:44pm. A mere 11 days AFTER he and Nurse N’Poop make things official.
and on and on and on… until finally he admits to seeing Nurse N’Poop. And you know why I think he did this? Because I reached out to Nurse N’Poop myself to get the truth.. Did I get it from her? No, not really. Here is what I wrote her on Aug 25th 2022.
And here is when he finally admits to dating Nurse N’Poop – on August. 26th at 4:09 in the morning.
I wrote Nurse N’Poop back, thanking her for her help. And that was the end of the communication with the floozie. She never wrote me back. I never reached out to her again. I did have to block her after she publicly stated untruths about me in the Facebook Group “Are we dating the same guy – Phoenix“. She clearly is not not a girls girl and has/had no intention of being mature about the situation she and Trash created.
I now understand that Nurse N’Poop knew Trash had a girlfriend and she didn’t care one bit. She could not have missed it when she stayed at Costa Diamante or the Chandler house – my stuff is all over the place. She is not a girls girl, not a girl who has another woman’s back. As far as I am concerned, they deserve each other.
The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life
At the end of the day, after 7 months, here is the timeline I’ve pieced together of the 3 months: June – August 2022.
June 8-12th 2022: they may have met sooner, but they definitely met at the Roger Clyne Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos concert that started June 8th 2022. I remember Trash acting weird during the concert – he kept leaving me in the VIP area while he was hanging with friends near the bands… I finally went over to see what he was up to, and he disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone (again). Then the entire weekend, he got up in the morning telling me he had to “go to work”, only to end up at Manny’s to party. I didn’t have a car and did not have a way to join him, which was probably exactly what he wanted (another isolation tactic). Guess who is no-where in the pictures of that weekend EVEN Though I was AT THE CONCERT?? Yep, me. So based on this post and what I’ve learned from friends, I believe he planned to be with Nurse N’Poop and the others.. and didn’t want me to get “in the way”…. SO this is one of the reasons I think he connected with her prior to this weekend.
June 24th 2022 – he made her an admin of his FB Keepers and Creepers group. He would not let go control unless they were “close”. He did this while he was with me in Kanab UT, on our 8 week trip to move me down to Mexico. I still had no idea this “just a friend” existed. All of a sudden, June 24th, he got a big project in MX and had to leave Kanab to head back to MX on June 25th 2022. It was a lie- he was heading back to spend the July 4th weekend with little miss Nurse N’Poop. It’s all just so clear now. He lived a double life and I was the sucker for trusting him, supporting him so he could live his dream of building a business down in Mexico.
July 4th weekend –Nurse N’Poop and her friends stayed in our MX Costa Diamante house… not “old friends” as Trash had told me. Didn’t she and others find it strange that all my stuff was there, in the master bedroom?!! They partied all weekend together… Makes me sick to my stomach to think she rummaged through my stuff and HE allowed it.
July 2022 – He blocked off my Chandler house the entire month of July. Told me it was too Hot in MX and that he wanted to spend time with his kids…. Instead, he hosted a “Singles Party” on July 10th with Nurse N’Poopand a few other other ladies. He charged the entire party on my credit card (over $600 in booze and food). Look at the dates — July 10th to be exact — Trash was texting me that he loved me and sending me pictures of him with his family, having dinners at my place, telling me he was going to bed early….
he made absolutely no mention that his “new friend” Nurse N’Poop was staying at my house OR that he was using my house to host singles parties.
Clearly his intention was to deceive me about what he was doing. No way would I have allowed him to have a pool party AT MY HOUSE with his nasty ass girlfriend.
Rumor has it that Trash and Nurse N’Poop were talking about moving in together – into MY HOUSE. She was there long enough for my address to be registered to her name. I STILL get mail for her at the house (It’s now December 2023).
August 14th 2022 – The day they decided to mark the beginning of the relationship. Now they didn’t do it on this day, they waited until the day after the 2nd breakin to publicly share their relationship status on FB. On Sept. 14th both Trash and Nurse N’Poop changed their relationship status to “in a relationship” with each other, but back dated it to August 14th 2022. I do not think his “in a relationship” FB status as of August 14th is random. It is most likely the 90 day mark as too when they started officially “seeing each other”, however they defined it, in early June. Which makes sense to me, because that was the weekend of the Circus Mexicus concert at Banditos (June 8th-12th) where Trash was behaving very odd.
So many lies….. it truly is hard to comprehend how many lies he told.
August 22nd 2022 – Tells me he is in Mexico working, which is why we could NOT go to the Baseball games with his sons. But really he is actually in Arizona with Nurse N’Poop. celebrating god knows what.
September 14th 2022 – the day their FB relationship status changed to be “IN a relationship”. 24 hours AFTER he broke into my Condo. They back dated their relationship to August 14th 2022.
And the rest is history. The section above shares with you what happened on August 23rd moving forward. So yes, I I learned about Nurse N’Poop. on August 24th/25th. But clearly there was a lot more going on behind my back prior to me discovering their affair.
Which leads me to the next section… Read on and learn from my mistakes folks.
Summary & Lessons Learned
Having had 7 months to recover from the shock of it all, look back at inconsistencies, have friends and acquaintances share tidbits of info… slowly but surely the truth came out and is what I’ve shared is all I know at this point.
Lesson learned: The truth will always come to light. The goal is to leave after the first offense/sign of disrespect because:
They most likely have been doing it over and over and over, they just got caught this time.
Narc’s love to be friends with their ex’s and always have multiple FWB’s hanging around. Narcs love to keep their ex’s around as backup…. I learned this the hard way…. Trash has a lot of ex/FWB friends he hooked up with while we were together.. this is above and beyond the strangers he would find to bang AND in addition to Nurse N’Poop. He is a walking STD/STI.
Things can and will never be the same once trust is broken.
If you have made it this far, congratulations. You have probably been through something similar and have spent a lot of time dissecting it in and effort to understand what happened and move on.
Final Words of Wisdom
IF you are in a relationship with a sociopath, narcissist, master manipulator, gaslighter, liar, and/or cheater: get out the first time they show you who they are. If you do not they will hurt you over and over again… It took me finding out about this one girl to leave. But since I’ve been out of the relationship, I have learned that there were plenty of other women he was with besides Nurse N’Poop. Outside of what I’ve shared above:
He had an ongoing affair with his ex, Lola. Sex in my house, sex in hotel rooms, sex in Mexico, wined and dined her both in Mexico and in Arizona. You name it, they did it. He told her I was a “business transaction” and that they would get back together when he was done with me.
His truck was never in the driveway of our house in Mexico when I was away on business. He never spent the night at our house when I was not home. He was out at the bars, picking up randoms when I was out of town, taking them to his Condo or Mirador Townhouse.
Sometimes he would “work late”, but was not really working… He was actually at his condo, mere blocks away, using the owners hot tub and his condo as a “f*&k pad” while I was AT HOME TAKING CARE OF HIS SON.
There are his FWB gals that he hooks up with – he had 2-3 that I am now aware of. I’ll be writing on this topic soon.
Lastly, there are all the vulnerable women he preys upon in his FB Groups (Keepers and Creepers and Chandler Arizona Adventures). He loves single women going through tough divorces… so he can swoop in and look like a hero for installing locks, Ring doorbells, and hanging TV’s. But in reality he is just a predator stroking his ego at someone else’s expense.
So let this be a lesson to you all that the best course of action is to BE DONE the first time you find out your partner/significant other has strayed – because you can be guaranteed that you did NOT catch him the first time.
When you find out something that breaks a boundary. Leave. It WILL NEVER GET BETTER. And once you leave, you will discover a lot more, and from what I’ve learned from the experts, what you actually learn about is only 10% of what truly went on. So if the above is only 10%…. I can only imagine what else will come to light during the civil suit discovery and trial.
I met Lola a little over a year ago when I discovered that the furniture in the Chandler home was actually hers. I have come to know Lola this past year, and her story – the chapter that includes Trash – is not only heartbreaking, but also all too familiar.
Lola spent a long time with Trash, how she did it I will never know or understand. They met in October 2015, they stopped seeing each other at the end of 2022. Here are a few key dates/times of Lola’s time with Trash:
October 2015 – Lola met Trash online. Yes, he was still married to The Ex-Wife. Yes, he was also living with Betsy. None of which she was not aware of.
December 2015 – She said things didn’t seem right, so she broke up with him.
February 2016 – Without any warning, Trash showed up at her house with Gabe. She didn’t know what to do, but he knew how to pull at her heartstrings – the kid. She made a fatal mistake this day but letting him stay. Her life forever changed for the worse this day, she just didn’t know it yet.
March 2016 – Lola went to England on vacation; same time that Trash was thrown in jail overnight for domestic violence.
Summer 2016 – Lola found out about Betsy
September 2016 – Lola bought her house (go Lola!!)
September 2017 – Moved in with Trash and turned her home to an airBnB…
I’m going to assume Trash just pivoted from Betsy’s house to a new house because September 7th 2017 is when Betsy filed her first Order of Protection against Trash.
All in all, they were together until late 2022. Yes, you read that correctly. The entire time I was in a relationship with Trash, he and Lola were still talking, texting, and having sex. The ENTIRE TIME. He told me she was crazy and that he had to block her, he did not do that. He continued to see her, wine and dine her, sleep with her – at my house, in hotels, in Mexico. Did she know about me? Yes she did. And she did it anyway. This is the hardest for me understand – how another woman does another woman like this. I will post about this later, for now, we are going on Lola’s journey of theft and deception with Trash.
2021
March 2021
Now back to 2021. She and Trash were living together at a home he rented. She had sold her home by this time. She was paying him $1000/mo and he was paying the landlord. Except he wasn’t. She received a 3-day “pay or vacate” notification. Trash did not pay and they were evicted. It was clear he was taking HER money and not paying the rent. This was a devastating blow to her as she and her two boys had nowhere to go. She did all the packing and she and Trash put their stuff in the same storage unit. He is the one that purchased the lock, and therefore the only one with the key.
This was his 3rd eviction. He has a total of 4 evictions as of Dec. 2023:
March 2021 – The scenario described above with Lola.
September 2017 – he was evicted and left The Ex-Wife home
October 2016 – who knows….poor girl…
You can find eviction information on the Arizona Justice Courts casesearch website. I now recommend that ALL women research any person they plan to see/date BEFORE they meet up in person. Had I known to do my research, I definitely would have NOT gone out with Trash.
He is a prime example of a hobosexual: ”Someone who enters into a relationship to prevent themselves from being homeless“.
Anywhoo, the point is, he created this chaos, and in this chaos he took advantage of her. Why she went back to him after this and/or continued to see him is beyond me. Another story for another time.
Fast forward to November 2021.
November 2021
The Chandler House
I had purchased the home in Chandler in October 2021 as a short term rental. He said he had furniture in storage and I would be doing him a favor by letting him furnish the new home. I didn’t want to do it as we have very different taste in furniture. He told me if I loved him I would do it, it would be a favor to him; and what did I care, it was a rental, not our home… I begrudgingly went along with it. BIG MISTAKE. He had all the furniture moved to the house BEFORE I ever saw the house. When I walked in, I was right – it was not good. It had a bad energy, I didn’t like it at all. I had multiple conversations with him about moving it out…. I was really in an awkward position and did not like how I felt or how I was being treated. This is a perfect example of how I didn’t stand my ground – I just went “with the flow” because I was too busy working and I didn’t want to fight.
A particularly harrowing experience for Lola was when Trash was at the Chandler house in November 2021, I was still in Salt Lake City UT, heading down Arizona within days. Trash and Lola were still texting, meeting up, having sex, all that jazz. I was NOT aware of this at the time. Well, at some point he was at the Chandler house, she was aware he had cleared out the storage room and wanted some of her things back. He invited her to the Chandler house… when she walked into the home, she was stunned to see all of her stuff. She wanted to take it. He got mad at her, hit her, then dragged her out of the house by her hair and arms. He called the police and when they showed up he wanted her arrested for trespassing. They would NOT arrest her for trespassing because she showed them the text exchange between she and Trash where he clearly invited her over. She wanted to file a police report for theft and for attacking her, but they told her, “if you do that you are both going to jail”. She had two young boys at home and couldn’t go to jail…. so she left with her TV and massive scrapes and bruises. I have seen the pictures – her hands and wrists were dark purple and red… her entire back had a road rash, much like motorcyclists get when they fall and skid across the pavement. This is so infuriating to me on several notes:
This is another example of how the police do NOT protect, and if anything, they support the abuser vs. the victim.
I wished she would have reached out to me. I would have made sure all of her belongings were returned to her.
Please note, I was not made aware of this until AFTER I broke up with Trash and had him evicted from the home – so a year later, November 2022. When I finally got back into the home, a friend of Lola’s reached out to me and let me know that the stuff in my house was Lola’s. My heart broke for her. I was going to donate it all, instead, I reached out to her. She came over, identified what was hers, and we agreed I would sell it and give her the proceeds. Which I did.
But the storage unit items was NOT all he stole from her. He stole so much more — and took it down to Mexico.
March 2021 through 2022
Mexico
Where do I even begin. When they were together, she purchased and sold her home turned airBnB. Together they moved the contents of her airBnB to Mexico – first to the Mirador townhouse, then into the home that he purchased right before I met him – The Costa Diamante house. He sold her the same dream he sold me – that they would live together in Mexico in that house. She believed him. When he started dating me in April 2021, she realized they would not be together in Mexico and that she wanted her stuff back.
She continued to ask for it back. She had a trailer lined up and people that would help her load it and drive it back to the USA. He would on one hand tell her to get her shit, he would give her days that she could come and get it, then go radio silent. She would go down to Mexico to get it, then he would NOT give her the code to enter the places to get it. He made it impossible for her to get her stuff… He basically stole the contents of an entire 2 bedroom house from a single mother of two kids – dispersed it to all his different places, and refused to return it:
Costa Diamante house (where we lived) was just sold with all her stuff in it – very nice refrigerator, kitchen appliances, bedding, etc..
Mirador townhouse has all of her dishes, more appliances, a lot of bedding, clothing for her and her children, etc..
Princesa condo now has all of her very nice outdoor furniture. He moved it from Costa Diamante to the condo when he sold the house. See below.
Lola was not and is not in the position to fight for the return of her items. She had to write it off. It’s been extremely hard for her — because she lost everything, she basically now rents a room from a friend to live in. When she is able to get back on her feet again, she will have to start over from scratch. And we all know furniture, bedding, kitchen supplies, etc.. are not cheap.
Summary
Trash feels entitled to things that are not his. He has zero conscience or remorse for the harm he causes other people or the disaster he leaves in his wake. He is a sociopath and it’s only a matter of time before he steals from or harms someone else.
Ladies, do not let this be you. Do NOT, for any reason, give anything to a man. There is no reason. He should be providing for himself. I wished someone would have given me this advice before and during my time with Trash. But they didn’t. So both Lola and I are here to tell you – DO NOT GIVE YOUR MONEY OR ITEMS to any man, ever.
I do not know Betsy. I have not meet her. I have her contact information but I have not reached out to her as I do not want to re-traumatize her.
Betsy is a beautiful single mother of 3 kids, 2 daughters and 1 son. She is a slender brunette with beautiful brown eyes. Her kids are all grown up now and are beautiful as well. Based on the family photos she has on Facebook, they seem to be a close-knit family.
I’m guessing Betsy and Trash met in 2013. I assume they met through the dating apps. They started living together in 2014 according to The Ex-Wife and court documents. Yes, Trash was still very married to his now Ex-Wife and had 3 kids at home (he filed for divorce in 2016. Divorce was final in January of 2018).
Here is what Trash told me about Betsy:
She is/was a manager at a large retail store, had a good job and was well respected.
She doesn’t keep house; he had to pay for a cleaner in order to stay/live at her house.
She was insecure and had issues with trust.
She was obsessed with him and started stalking him when they broke up.
She let her kids disrespect him.
One story he shared with me was when I was living with him (2022) and we were visiting a new-to-me neighborhood in Rocky Point Mexico. As we were driving and walking around, he shared the following story with me: He said that he had stayed a long weekend with Betsy at this location and they fought a lot while on that trip because she was insecure. I asked him if he had cheated on her, he was adamant he didn’t. He did say that he was on a break from Lola and JustineB when he hooked up with Betsy. Then he went back to one of these girls (not sure who). Betsy was upset about him not wanting to be with her that she began stalking him.
I had NEVER heard of anything like this. Clearly I lived a sheltered, drama free life because this was so shocking to me. A) who does this – breaks up and gets back together with people, and B) who gets back together with an ex?!!?!
So what now makes a lot more sense and is backed up by documentation:
He was with Betsy. Betsy thought they were in an exclusive relationship.
He “Broke up”(in his mind) with Betsy to be with Lola and/or JustineB. I doubt Betsy thought they were broken up.
Then he “broke up” with Lola and/or JustineB to be with Betsy for this weekend. I’m sure that Trash said things to indicate they were getting back together. My guess is after this weekend, Betsy found out about the other two ladies, and broke up with Trash for good.
Basically, he was with Betsy and was seeing Lola and JustineB at the same time (triangulation). In speaking with Lola, he would go back and forth between the ladies. Given this, I think the truth is, that Betsy was NOT aware of his activities with other ladies, and when she found out, she kicked him out sometime in 2017. He harassed and threatened to the point she was able to successfully get an Order of Protection (OOP) against him.
I know this because I found a second OOP in 2018 that stated she had an OOP in 2017. How did I get this document? When I evicted Trash from my home in 2022, he didn’t take his stuff (he took mine). Since he didn’t pick it up, it was mine to dispose of as I saw fit. My lawyer told me the court would look favorably upon me if I went through his stuff and returned “sentimental items“. So yes, not only was I heartbroken, in shock, but I was being told I needed to go through all of Trash’s shit and determine what was sentimental to him and save it so I could return it.
What did I find? I found several documents that made my skin crawl. Why? Because I discovered what he was doing to me he had done the same thing to someone else (Pattern of Behavior). It was all new to me – having to use the court to remove someone from your property, file for an Order of Protection to protect myself. But clearly this was old school for Trash – he had done the same thing to other people… one of those people: Betsy.
So, in 2017 Betsy found out that Trash was cheating on her with multiple people while she thought they were in an exclusive relationship. She broke up with him. He harassed and threatened her. She filed and was granted an Order of Protection (OOP) in 2017.
In 2018, Trash reaches out to her just before the 2017 OOP expires, acting like nothing was wrong and then threatens her and her kids when she won’t talk to him or do what he requests. She files for and is granted another OOP.
Sept. 2018: Trash Vs. Betsy – Order of Protection (2nd one)
Sept 2017 – Betsy files and is granted an Order of Protection (OOP) against Trash.
Aug 2018 – a year later, Trash reaches out to Betsy. She states she filed and was granted an OOP in Sept 2017. She details out that he contacts her, threatens her, and disparages her name on his FB groups. Here is Betsy’s OOP, which was granted:
So what does Trash do? He files Injunction against Harassment against her AFTER she files the 2nd OOP. HE USES THE COURT SYSTEM TO HARASS a woman who clearly wants nothing to do with him. Check out the dates and his state of mind – HE portrays himself as the victim:
So basically, he uses the court system (by filing an Injunction against harassment (IAH)) and social media to retaliate against someone that just wants to be left alone. He takes it a step further and instigates his flying monkeys to further harass her.
I was in shock reading these documents. At the time I found these documents, Trash was doing the very same thing to me! I was back in Arizona after the eviction was upheld and had just filed for my own OOP against him when I learned that he filed an OOP while I was in Mexico, painting himself as the victim, and trying to get “exclusive access” to MY home (in an attempt to mute the eviction). I had no idea how to navigate the system, and clearly he knew all too well how to use the justice system to further hurt his victims. What he was doing to me was EXACTLY what he had done to Betsy years earlier. My heart broke for Betsy.
I do want to reach out to her. Let her know that she is not alone, that she just ran into a monster who actively deceived her. But it’s been 6 years since her experience, I’m sure she has moved on from this part of her life. Hopefully she is living her best life, thanking God she didn’t end up with a monster like him.
What we do know is that he has a pattern of behavior:
he will lie and manipulate women to get what he wants
he will use the system to try and further hurt his victims
he will disparage his victims on social media and insight flying monkeys to also harass and intimidate his victims
He will NOT take accountability for any of his behaviors or actions
he is violent and safety needs to be a top priority for anyone around him
So while I was still in shock (Oct. 2022) with everything going on in my life, It did help me understand that I was dealing with someone who has done what he did to me to at least one other person; that he was experienced with the system and understood how to manipulate it to get what he wants. I knew after reading these documents, that I needed to educate myself quickly. I also was re-traumatized about the break-ins.. made me realize that I was in far more danger that I even knew. Thank God guns are not allowed in Mexico.
TRIGGER WARNING: Post includes details about Spousal and Child Abuse.
The Ex-Wife met Trash while living in Israel when she was 18. It was an arranged marriage set up by Trash’s mother. The second time they met, they married. She was 19, he was 29. They married in 1999. After they were married, he flew her to the United States to live with him on the East Coast. She had never traveled before, did not speak English, did not drive, didn’t understand money or finances. She is muslim and grew up in a Muslim country where men are allowed to treat women horribly. Trash kept up with this tradition. They had two kids quickly, then another one, Gabe, 7 years later. Much isn’t known about why they left the East Coast for Arizona, rumors has it that he was having an affair with a married woman and the husband found out so he fled town with the family to Arizona.
When they arrived in Arizona, Trash carried on with his philandering ways. In 2013, Ex-Wife discovered that he was cheating on her with “the Russian”. How? He told her he was in Flagstaff, but she tracked the car to an apartment building a few miles away from their house. Why did she need to get a hold of him so urgently? At the time, Trash was breeding puppies. Someone left the backdoor open and the puppies escaped and drown in the pool. The kids had found the dead puppies and were hysterical. She called him to come home – he said he was in Flagstaff and couldn’t come home, but in reality he was around the corner with another woman she calls “the Russian”.
This is when she decided she needed to get out. But she didn’t know how. Trash didn’t give her access to any of the bank accounts, he forbade her to drive, she didn’t even have a key to her own home. She was determined to get out — She focused on learning English and saving the spare change she collected from the couch and his pockets.
In May 2015 she filed for divorce after an abusive episode. She told me she was very scared – Trash told her she would be deported if she divorced him. He had already moved out of the house and was living with his then girlfriend Betsy. This is an excerpt from her 2015 Petition for Divorce:
Trash convinced her to not file so she dismissed the case. She told me she was very scared and that he told her that if she divorced him she would be deported and never see her children again. So she dismissed the case and basically became a woman he would beat and berate whenever he felt like it as he knew she would not call the police and risk losing her kids.
In March 2016 he stopped by the house to pick up Gabe for baseball, they got into an argument. He dragged her out of the house by her hair. He threw her clothes away. The police were called. Trash was arrested for Disorderly Conduct – Disruptive Behavior, Disorderly Conduct – Language/Gesture, Interference with Court Order / Violation of Court Order.. Here is an excerpt from the report:
He pled guilty to domestic violence, spent ONE night in Jail, and was fined. This was marked as his first offense, but it was not his first time he abused his wife, it was the first time he was caught (As mentioned in the Report above, The Ex-Wife did NOT call the police when these incidents took place because she was told, by a Judge that she would be arrested if she did). Make it make sense that this is all he gets for physically assaulting his now Ex-Wife.
Basically, Trash moved out of the marital house in 2014 and began living with his girlfriend Betsy. Unbeknowst to The Ex-Wife at the time is that he ALSO stopped paying the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on the home. This was confirmed by the lien holder (David) via email 2 years later:
So basically Trash up and left his wife and kids, and left them with nothing, but stopped by the house, for years, to abuse and harass her. The police knew he was bad news – there are 7 Scottsdale police reports in 2016 alone. The courts knew he was bad news… But they all did nothing. He was left to continue to abuse and torment his Ex-Wife and kids unabashed. The system failed The Ex-Wife.
May 2021 was when he stopped paying child support and alimony. He did however have money to purchase real estate (2 properties in Mexico). So its not that he didn’t have it, he just chose to leave his Ex-Wife and Children without the resources to live.
August of 2022 is when CPS took over the care of Gabe. Ex-Wife finally got the courage to cut off communication with Trash and would no longer answer the phone. Trash’s only communication method at the moment is Email, so the abuse is minimum as he knows it is documented and can be used against him.
In 2023 CPS garnished Trash’s bank accounts to pay for the back child support. He was livid – he continued to call and harrass The Ex-Wife to sign a document stating he overpaid and give him back the money. CPS did NOT give the money to The Ex-Wife. They kept it to pay for Gabe’s care now that he is a ward of the state.
In July 2023 The Ex-Wife filed a Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance as he is almost $30k in arrears. The pre-hearing was in September; hearing date was agreed upon by all parties to take place in November. Both she and Trash got the same instructions for submitting exhibits and filing the correct documentation – Notice of Issues and Pre-Hearing Statement. A woman who speaks English as a second language, has zero financial resources made the time to learn about the requirements, shared exhibits with Trash via email and the Court via CaseLines, and completed and filed the correct documentation. She was prepared for the hearing. Trash, who speaks English as his first language, is technically savvy, knows how the system works as he has manipulated it for years – did absolutely nothing. He spent his time traveling through Europe and partying in Mexico with Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short). No doubt his plan was to waltz into the hearing and manipulate the court (and intimidate The Ex-Wife with documents and points that are irrelevant). His plan was thwarted when the Judge changed the hearing to be online via Microsoft Teams as he had been exposed to COVID. He had zero excuse for not being prepared. Instead of being held in contempt of court, he was awarded an extension. The Judge gave him another change to get his “evidence” in. The hearing in was rescheduled; it is now Feb. 2024. I see this as all so unnecessary – All he has to do is pay her back spousal arrears as defined in the divorce decree. She came prepared to court in November – he did not. He asked for an extension and was granted one. Mind boggling. He should have been fined/arrested for contempt of court. This is just another way the current justice system fails women.
I put 2024 in the heading, because there is no doubt that the harassment will continue into next year. The Spousal Maintenance hearing is in February 2024. Gabe is still under CPS care so Trash can contact the state if he wants to make amends with his son (he has made zero effort to do so), but once Gabe is returned to his mother, if he doesn’t do as CPS requires (therapy, etc) he will not be allowed to see his child.
The Ex-Wife is still grappling with the damage caused by one man. She has no education and English is her second language, making it difficult to financially support her family on her close to minimum wage income. She is still afraid to reach out for help as she does not trust the police or the court system. She does not have many friends; she keeps to herself. She is the primary caregiver for all her children, who they themselves have issues due to growing up in an abusive household. Life has not been easy for The Ex-Wife.
I find her story horrific on so many levels. Systematic abuse, financial abuse, in addition to the physical, mental, and emotional abuse she endured by the person who was supposed to protect her. It breaks my heart. But I have come to know this woman – she is a pillar of strength and courage. She is one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I know. It is an odd circumstance to be friends with your ex’s Ex-Wife, but we have formed a friendship, and I am glad we have overcome the weirdness and are able to support each other.
She was barely existing when I met her, so afraid of everything (Trash, the courts, people, the police, etc). She is now learning and growing. She now has the confidence to face difficult and scary things (courts, CPS). She is learning to stand up for herself. She is taking advantage of resources available to her (https://freshstartwomen.org/). She is taking courses to better understand the court system, she is learning about domestic violence and learning to take better care of herself. She is even learning how to use a computer!
The Ex-Wife has faced enormous obstacles – and is overcoming them to be a stronger person and a great mom to her kids. She is an inspiration to me – She is a true survivor.
Paula's Ponderings 