Be forwarned – I’ve had a few cocktails and I’m feeling a bit pissed about what has happened lately.
I just don’t get it. If you are a nice gal, like myself, are open and honest, the girl next door type, you get screwed. If you look great (not that I don’t look good mind you, I’m a hottie, I’m just a 40-year-old hottie), are a bitch on wheels, desperate, needy… you get a guy. I think of the men I’ve fallen for this year – all of them amazing in their own way – independent, honest, cool, different/unique… super interesting. EVERY single one of them is driven to please needy, pissy, bitchy women (including but not exclusive to their ex-wives). .
I’m great, what they want, their “dream girl” as they have all said – gorgeous, self-sufficient, independent, fun, etc… They couldn’t ask for anything better. But in the end, they drop me (and in not-nice ways)… why you ask? I’d love to know for sure. But what I suspect is that it’s because there wasn’t enough drama for them. Men love drama… makes them feel loved, needed. They want it, they need it. I think it’s totally immature, but I think this is it.
I’ve been reminiscing… the 3 men I’ve fallen for since my divorce; One that I loved with all my being; My Mr. Big, the one I would take back in a heartbeat IF he ever showed his face again.. gone. The other two had potential to capture all of my heart…. but won’t because they are still tied to ex-lives (IMO). All 3 have recoiled from a relationship with me,and I know it’s not because of me. It’s because of them. As much as they said they were ready, the were NOT ready for a mature, supportive, non-jealous, fun, loving, sexual, easy relationship. All of them weren’t ready for this for different reasons…. but for me, it’s all the same – they weren’t ready for something fabulous and fun.
As I think about this, it pisses me off. I spent 2 years figuring my shit out BEFORE I put myself out there. I wanted to make sure that I was ready for a healthy relationship… I thought men wanted the same thing. But after this year, I do NOT believe this is the case. I think when men “are ready’, it means they are ready to throw themselves out there and catch what they can (and the younger, more immature the better).
I think I’m done for the year… I’m disappointed. I don’t need a partner, I’ve got my friends, my cats, and lots of to-do’s to accomplish this holiday season… I’ll think about what I want to do for next year and focus what I need to do to get a partner as part of my New Year’s Resolutions..
So that’s it. I’m pissy.. don’t understand men… giving up on them for the rest of the year. If you have advice, I’d love to hear it, it will help figure out what I do in the New Year.