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Strange Addictions.

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

breaking-bad-meme-11This post is going to be about a lot of things, but the common theme is addiction…

As one junkie to another, I’ve moved on from Breaking Bad to Prison Break.  Both give me the same crazy I-need-more adrenaline rush.  On Saturday night, I think we watched 6 episodes of Prison Break in a row, no, maybe 8.  Why the switch?  Because I only had one more episode of Breaking Bad to watch. I just watched it tonight.

Re: Breaking Bad, just finishing up the last episode, I’m sad that it’s over.  I know tomorrow, and the very near future, I will get the shakes.  Just minutes after watching it, I’m missing it… my feelings all askew around what is next.  I really just want another hit episode.  Please dear god, let the idea of “the last episode” be a bad dream, let me wake up with another episode, just one more, on my recorder.

I have been cheating on Breaking Bad though… since I knew it was almost over, I fell for Prison Break (yes I was cheating on BB).  So, while waiting impatiently for the final Breaking Bad episode, I found Prison Break.  Not an evening has gone by without me watching 3-6 episodes.. yes, you read correctly.  Last Saturday alone I watched 6+ episodes, in a row…  All I can say is I love the pause functionality on Netflix, it allows me to go to the bathroom and grab food to nourish myself… otherwise, I’d be as emaciated as a drug user…

I have realized that I do have an addictive personality.  Not only am I addicted to TV Dramas, I now recognize I am also  addicted to real estate.  I have forever, since I became an adult (I call it enlightened, which happened when I was in college while watching Shawshank Redemption), felt that “safety” and “security” meant owning real estate. You see, as a kid, we traveled a lot.. we moved to a new place every few years.  I thought this was normal until I met my EX, who low and behold, grew up in the same house since he was 2 years old.  Blew my mind…   I thought to myself, “what would life be like if I had lived in one place all my life?”.  What I saw looked good.. it felt safe, secure. A place to call home.   A place I could decorate, make it my own space…Delighted by the idea,  I purchased a few properties in Utah in the early 2000’s as a single gal.  When I got married, I swapped those properties for a luxury condo in 2008 (stupid me), which I thought I would rent and use (VRBO is awesome).  Didn’t work out so it’s now a full-time rental.  In addition to this condo, I purchased a house for my niece AbFab, her husband, and her kids to live…  She is now divorced and living somewhere else; the home is now being rented out.

In addition to these rental properties, I purchased a house where I live, in Northern CA, which I remodeled, I absolutely love, but I do not live in. I cannot afford to live in my own home. Why?  PMI.  $700/mo in Private Mortgage Insurance.  Without the insurance, payment is a stretch but I can do it.  With the PMI, its out of my reach.  To live in my own home I would need a roommate.  I have to rent it out to pay the mortgage.  So where do I live?  I currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment a few miles from my house.

When I am completely honest with myself, I realize that I can’t afford to own these properties – I “own” them for “safety” and “security”.  What I realized was that they are actually a noose around my neck.. that I’m not getting anything out of it, that instead of feeling “safe” and “secure”, I’m stressed, tied down, and handcuffed if you will to these properties.  I just realized this a few months ago. I’m still wrapping my head around it…  I’m drawn, addicted if you will, to owning property.  But what I realize is that it isn’t good for me (unless subsidizing other people’s lifestyles makes you a good person).    I have begun proceedings to sell the Utah condo.  I’m pricing it just right so that it will sell by the end of the year.  I just want out.  Next up will be the property I purchased for AbFab and her kids… At the end of the day, I am no longer interested in subsidizing someone else’s living situation.  I feel like my addition is subsiding….  but we shall see. Once the properties are gone, will I get an itch, the shakes, to “get something of my own” again in Utah???

One other addiction that I really miss, that was good for me to?   Grey Goose and her funny stories.  Where is she? Does anyone know?  Is she safe, just working hard? Found a man who has swept her off her feet and giving her some good bicycle rides?  I keep going to her blog – http://myguidetobadinternetdating.wordpress.com/ – for updates, thinking my email alerts aren’t working, but no… nothing new.  Come back Grey Goose, I love and miss you!

O.k. this is it for me tonight. I’m exhausted.  I have other pieces I want to write about the wedding, precious gifts, the miracle of the human spirit, etc.. but I’ve run out of time.

Not Home. No Candy.

PaulasPonderings3 Comments

This is the sign I hung on my door this evening.  Yep, the fun hater in the neighborhood is me.  Never thought it would be – I love Halloween….  but today, this week, this year, not me. 

Mr. Showtime and I had planned a simple party, a Napoleon Dynamite character party, where I would be LaFawnDah and he would be my Kip.   Obviously that didn’t happen.  When will I get to be LaFawnDuh??? 

I just had dinner with GFP, and I have had enough to drink to say things I probably shouldn’t… but here goes:

  • Love GFP…  because his friendship means the world to me, and there are no strings attached. I love that he is in my life… and he wouldn’t be if he was as black and white as Mr. Showtime and Dear Paula Letter Writer  were about relationships.   
  • I make the best Pomegranate Martini’s … so delicious they are dangerous.
  • Breaking Bad is the best series EVER. I just finished Season 3 on Netflix… Bummer for me.  Season 4 just finished but Hulu doesn’t have  rights to run it (along with a bunch of other shows).  I’m getting close to discontinuing my relationship with Hulu.
  • My parents are coming to visit this weekend… I’m planning a Meet the Parents night…  more deets coming.
  • Unicorns is gone.  Once again she has galloped out of my life, into her own…   she will be living in Boston soon. I can’t wait to visit. 🙂

In general, I spent the day/the last few days feeling down (Katie’s departure, The end of my time with Mr. Showtime). Its been hard to get up these last few mornings… not too hard to pick up a glass of XXX (goose, wine, etc)…   I need to snap out of it quickly….  The upcoming holidays surely don’t help.  I’ll figure something out…

Oh, I also have decided to start focusing on my New Years Resolutions.  I take them very seriously, and I need something to focus on right now…  work has been good but very frustrating, and my love life.. well.. hasn’t been that great.

O.k.. so I’m done with my public pity party.  Halloween has come and gone… I didn’t pass out OR eat any candy today……  Makes this a good day in my book.

Why So Many BMW 740Li’s Today?

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

I spent the day NOT doing what I was supposed to do (tackling that pesky to-do list).  Instead, I spent the morning going for a run with my friend, C-Licious.  I picked her up and dropped her off so I could see her new appliances. She got a new refrigerator – with an auto ice maker.  Knowing how much I love ice cubes,she had to show me, and I had to see it. Today I drank a tall glass of ice-cold water, compliments of my friend and her new Stainless Steel Sears Elite.

I then showered and went on my 2nd date with MM guy.  He asked me to lunch, I said yes.  We had a lovely lunch, a great time together, it is easy to be with him.  He was born and grew up in Lebanon. He was there during the Lebanese Civil War..  I’m intrigued by him and his history.  I look forward to learning more about Lebanon (my own research) and his stories.

Now, I’m sitting home , catching up on all the seasons of Lost (yes, that’s right, sitting at home in my undies watching TV, attractive isn’t it?)  that I haven’t seen since my separation…  I’m addicted to this new little Roku box. I have so many shows to watch, streamed from Netflix directly to my HDTV..  all for the low low cost of  9.99 a month.  Honestly, I may have to add this little box to my list of addictions.

So, the title of this blog, although I’m having a great day, I can’t help but think of My Mr. Big. He drove a 740 Li, and I saw at least 6 of them today – I couldn’t help but slow down and see if he was in the car (even the parked cars.  I know, such a dork).  As much as I like MM guy and enjoyed lunch, I would have loved to have gone to lunch with my My Mr. Big, come home and taken a nap (we sure enjoyed our naps together, “one of life’s simplest pleasures”), make dinner, watch a movie, and make love (for the parents) have great conversation.

There is/was something about My Mr. Big… the way we were together.  It was just so easy, so natural.  I imagined him enjoying the beautiful day with his kids – swimming, golfing, tennis…  he loves doing outdoor activities with his kids.. and he has this bronze skin that is just to die for. I do wish him well, want the very best for him, but I do still miss him.

So, as I catch up on LOST, I wish he was lying next to me, his head in my lap, my fingers running thru his hair, just enjoying his company.  So alas, another evening alone missing what I can’t have.

Random Great Day – Run, Hula, and Roku.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

What a day.. .I did everything I wanted to.  I worked a few hours…  but after all the focus and dedication to the demo, it was nice to concentrate on something that doesn’t require so much brain power.

After working this morning, I went for a run. The weather here in Northern California was amazing – sunny, warm, with a slight breeze.  I went to the Bay and did my 40 minute run alongside the water.. combined it with a bit of cross-training (push-ups and triceps lists)…  I could have gone longer, but it was good to not over exert myself in the heat ….. it was a perfect day  and the perfect amount of exercise (and I’ve got it all on my FitBit).  I’ll write later on how much I love my FitBit. Obsessed with it really. I wear it everywhere, even to cocktail hour

Second, my Roku came and I set it up ALL BY MYSELF!  I am in loooooooooooooovvveeee with this new toy.  It allows me to stream movies and TV shows from Netflix..  I’ve already got 30 movies/shows in my “Instant Queue”.. I’m so excited.  I no longer have to wait for my DVD’s.. So, not only can I watch movies/shows from the comfort of my living room, I can watch from the road on my laptop and potentially my cell phone.  God… I’m never going to be “out of the know” on recent shows.

Lastly, I had some hula-hooping fun with my friend’s daughter, Hooping Queen.  We hula-hooped for an hour, then went to dinner..our favorite place with lots of beans (we are both bean girls).  She is such a cutie pie (turns 7 next week!!!).  She taught me a few things, like how to hula hoop from my neck (yes, it definitely hurts). I taught her a thing or two, one being the Cowboy Lasso…  fabulous time.  We made plans for a sleep-over.. should happen sometime this summer.

Honestly, its days like this that make me appreciate my job and what I do…   Every now and again I get one of these “free days”…  and I do not waste a single second of it.  I do the things that are important to me, that recalibrate me..  God I’m so lucky.

So, off to bed I go, with a smile on my face and as happy as can be…  Yay me!