A Pissy Post.

Be forwarned – I’ve had a few cocktails and I’m feeling a bit pissed about  what has happened lately.

I just don’t get it. If you are a nice gal, like myself, are open and honest,  the girl next door type, you get screwed.  If you look great (not that I don’t look good mind you, I’m a hottie, I’m just a 40-year-old hottie), are a bitch on wheels, desperate, needy… you get a guy.   I think of the men I’ve fallen for this year – all of them amazing in their own way – independent, honest, cool, different/unique… super interesting.  EVERY single one of them is driven to please needy, pissy, bitchy women (including but not exclusive to their ex-wives). . 

I’m great, what they want, their “dream girl” as they have all said – gorgeous, self-sufficient, independent, fun, etc…  They couldn’t ask for anything better.   But in the end, they drop me (and in not-nice ways)…  why you ask?  I’d love to know for sure.  But what I suspect is that it’s because there wasn’t enough drama for them. Men love drama… makes them feel loved, needed.  They want it, they need it.  I think it’s totally immature, but I think this is it.

I’ve been reminiscing… the 3 men I’ve fallen for since my divorce; One that I loved with all my being; My Mr. Big, the one  I would take back in a heartbeat IF he ever showed his face again.. gone.   The other two had potential to capture all of my heart…. but won’t because they are still tied to ex-lives (IMO).   All 3 have recoiled from a relationship with me,and I know it’s not because of me.  It’s because of them. As much as they said they were ready, the were NOT ready for a mature, supportive, non-jealous, fun, loving, sexual, easy  relationship.  All of them weren’t ready for this for different reasons…. but for me, it’s all the same  – they weren’t ready for something fabulous and fun.

As I think about this, it pisses me off.  I spent 2 years figuring my shit out BEFORE I put myself out there. I wanted to make sure that I was ready for a healthy relationship…   I thought men wanted the same thing.  But after this year, I do NOT believe this is the case.  I think when men “are ready’, it means they are ready to throw themselves out there and catch what they can (and the younger, more immature the better). 

I think I’m done for the year…  I’m disappointed.  I don’t need a partner,  I’ve got my friends, my cats, and lots of to-do’s to accomplish this holiday season…  I’ll think about what I want to do for next year and focus  what I need to do to get a partner as part of my New Year’s Resolutions..

So that’s it.  I’m pissy.. don’t understand men… giving up on them for the rest of the year.  If you have advice, I’d love to hear it, it will help figure out what I do in the New Year.

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Serendipity – Take 2.

So, what a busy day.  Work has been brutal – a lot of thinking required.  My team and I busted thru the demo build to-do list, and I think we are in a good position.    The week seems long, only because its been a very productive week.

I went out with Middle Seat Airplane Guy last night.  Yes, some men who ask women out on a Tuesday actually follow thru on their suggestions.  He was sweet, kind, charming, and fun!  Another great date for me.  I did go back to his house with him – which is usually a no-no, but I did a bit of internet sluething prior to our date and found out that he is well known in the community as well as the industry he works in.  Therefore, I felt it was a safe bet.  It was interesting to see where and how he lived.  

We did make out a  little…  just  a tiny bit…   I didn’t want it to go too far, as I hear once you go black, you never go back.  😉   I know, so bad.  Anyway, If I’ve learned anything over these last few months, its that men love the chase…   and I like to be admired/desired, so honestly, nothing too heavy happened. It was perfect.  We both wanted more, but were respectful of each others boundaries.   We are going to be in Atlanta at the same time early next week…. we may see each other then, otherwise, I will see him when I’m back in the Bay Area and when he returns from his travels.

I’m excited about it because he intriques me (yes, intellectually and physically)…and I know I am attractive and interesting to him (I could feel it.. huba huba)..   All is good…..   BUT… you know there is always a but……one of us is an inexperienced kisser…. I’ve never had anyone complain about my kissing, so I don’t/didn’t think its me… however, you never know.  Have any of you ladies had a guy that leaves his mouth open (no lip movement.. and he has very nice lips) and just use a somewhat stiff tongue to do not much of anything?  If yes, let me know how to kiss such a man….   I made the best of it as I found the man attractive…. but I’ve never run across this before.  So, I welcome any advice on how to kiss a man who leaves his mouth open, has a stiff tongue,  and doesn’t use his lips much (When I opened my eyes while we were kissing the first word that popped into my head was “carp”).. I know. so RUDE.  Your advice is appreciated.

I’m loving the way this week is playing out….  taking it minute by minute and having a blast!!