Dating Woes

A Pissy Post.

PaulasPonderings4 Comments

Be forwarned – I’ve had a few cocktails and I’m feeling a bit pissed about  what has happened lately.

I just don’t get it. If you are a nice gal, like myself, are open and honest,  the girl next door type, you get screwed.  If you look great (not that I don’t look good mind you, I’m a hottie, I’m just a 40-year-old hottie), are a bitch on wheels, desperate, needy… you get a guy.   I think of the men I’ve fallen for this year – all of them amazing in their own way – independent, honest, cool, different/unique… super interesting.  EVERY single one of them is driven to please needy, pissy, bitchy women (including but not exclusive to their ex-wives). . 

I’m great, what they want, their “dream girl” as they have all said – gorgeous, self-sufficient, independent, fun, etc…  They couldn’t ask for anything better.   But in the end, they drop me (and in not-nice ways)…  why you ask?  I’d love to know for sure.  But what I suspect is that it’s because there wasn’t enough drama for them. Men love drama… makes them feel loved, needed.  They want it, they need it.  I think it’s totally immature, but I think this is it.

I’ve been reminiscing… the 3 men I’ve fallen for since my divorce; One that I loved with all my being; My Mr. Big, the one  I would take back in a heartbeat IF he ever showed his face again.. gone.   The other two had potential to capture all of my heart…. but won’t because they are still tied to ex-lives (IMO).   All 3 have recoiled from a relationship with me,and I know it’s not because of me.  It’s because of them. As much as they said they were ready, the were NOT ready for a mature, supportive, non-jealous, fun, loving, sexual, easy  relationship.  All of them weren’t ready for this for different reasons…. but for me, it’s all the same  – they weren’t ready for something fabulous and fun.

As I think about this, it pisses me off.  I spent 2 years figuring my shit out BEFORE I put myself out there. I wanted to make sure that I was ready for a healthy relationship…   I thought men wanted the same thing.  But after this year, I do NOT believe this is the case.  I think when men “are ready’, it means they are ready to throw themselves out there and catch what they can (and the younger, more immature the better). 

I think I’m done for the year…  I’m disappointed.  I don’t need a partner,  I’ve got my friends, my cats, and lots of to-do’s to accomplish this holiday season…  I’ll think about what I want to do for next year and focus  what I need to do to get a partner as part of my New Year’s Resolutions..

So that’s it.  I’m pissy.. don’t understand men… giving up on them for the rest of the year.  If you have advice, I’d love to hear it, it will help figure out what I do in the New Year.

The Ones You Want Are Aloof, The Ones You Don’t Want Are Available.

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

I know, I know you all know what I’m talking about.  Relationship irony.

So, my date last Saturday is perfectly nice.  He is young (he’s 42 age wise, but very inexperienced.. and sorry GGD, he doesn’t like Sushi.. or fish in general… or any other meat besides chicken…).  The way he has about him reminds me of my EX (not a good thing at all).. and the little things that I saw would begin to bug me real soon (yes, I know myself that well – as adorable as he is now… he would grate on my nerves in about 3 weeks).

But, I had another date this weekend – a brunch date on Sunday… I didn’t mention it because I didn’t think much about it… it was with a guy I’d been emailing with since April…  our schedules finally alligned and we went to brunch.  I am was so happy I followed thru, he was so interesting to me.  I was intrigued… and attracted to him.  He is older (which I loooovvvee).. he is a professional/exec type, and he’s a bit rough around the edges in the sense that he doesn’t care necessarily what others think.  Not unprofessional or offensive, just comfortable in his own skin to be his own person.  This package is yummy to me.

Anyway, the brunch date went very well, and we parted ways even though both of us didn’t want to .. I was drawn to him, he said that he didn’t want the day to end… even invited me back to his place so my bottom could keep his couch warm…(it was funnyat the time, not gross like it sounds now).   Since I could not join him and his couch we made a plan to meet today, Tuesday.

I was excited, didn’t do anything but work hard all day so I could enjoy some time with him… and guess what?  He finally texted me 30 minutes ago … told me his day was crazy and asked how I was doing.  I am still working because he didn’t call and I kept my evening open for our date!  He, however, was enjoying a “fu fu cocktail” at a local bar/pick up joint.  So, I sat at home, didn’t double book myself AND was actually looking forward to spending time with Mr. Brunch… and he was off, busy busy having Happy Hour at a meat market… .Hmmm…  I’d say his actions speak much louder than his words. Good thing I’m a pro at spotting this type of behavior now.

In the meantime, Mr. Ex Look-Alike emailed me and asked me out again!  Thank god Im busy this weekend (I really have a hard time lying to guys who are interested).

And of course, Chicken Legs wants to get together this week.  I forgot to tell you’all that I finally broke up with him.. not that we were ever going out, but I said, once again,  VERY CLEARLY that I’m not interested in dating him.  Friends only or nothing.  He said he got it…..  but he has just let me know he will be in my neck of the woods tomorrow and wants to see me.  I’ve not responded yet… I’m still in that “uggghhhhhh” thought.

Anyway, I’m working from home this week and thought I’d have a few fun events to discuss… nope.  Still sitting at home, working. Not out and about hanging with good looking older men (which I loooovvveee).

So, I pose the question – how do you get the person you like to like you without being fake… or rediculous.. or a slut… or too available?  Hmmm… men, weigh in on this one, give us ladies good, useful tips….