Life Is Changing.

the juggleLots of thoughts going on in my brain… I’m struggling a bit these days… here is why.

Dating.  Feeling Foolish.  I just found out from a very reliable source that Italian Stallion was indeed dating others.  I feel foolish for trusting him. Makes me feel gullible.  Now I get why we never went out in public.. why he broke up with me when and how he did.. as I hear more about him and his antics, I realize that I was foolish and naive.   Bums me out.  Not that I’m upset that we are not together, I’m upset that people are no longer trust-worthy.  They don’t deserve trust or the benefit of the doubt.  My heart tells me that people are innocent until proven guilty. But this is just not reality – I have to assume that people are guilty until proven innocent. It’s so opposite of my personality…  Makes me want to crawl into my own space and not deal with people.

Dating. ATrain.  Went to the Bahamas with ATrain (more on this soon) and he suggested that we get back together.  Damn straight I’m a great partner.  I’m angry and frustrated that he didn’t see it before….   Can I get over the fact that he didn’t see it when we were together?  Can I really start over fresh with him? It really doesn’t help that he is pouring it on thick while I’m dealing with my Italian Stallion experience (above).  There are things I want, things that I shared with him, all have to do with feeling secure and stable:

  • Living space.  I want to live with my partner.  For us, we would need at least a 3/2 and some significant change (i.e. ATrain puts everything on the countertops.. a messy countertop drives me insane… insane I tell you. I cannot focus if there is shit on the counter.).
  • Security.  We either get married or I have that same security through documentation. I don’t want to worry about where my next meal is coming from.
  • Status.  he needs to be divorced. No more excuses.

But when I think about it, really think about it, there are a few things that I want that I have not admitted to or shared out loud. If I’m going to have it all, here is what I would add to the list:

  • Child. I want one. Doesn’t have to be a baby.. but a child. That I can raise. It is not about giving birth, it is about having an experience and a positive impact in this world. But is this even reasonable? I am almost 45…and I do love my sleep. I want this, but only if I have a great partner. Doing it alone is not for me.
  • Work Part Time. Especially important if I have a kid. I do not want to deal with unrealistic expectations and unreasonable hours.
  • Freedom. I want a partner for life. But I also want the freedom to experience others once in a while. I’m not sure that monogamy is possible…  so many cheaters.. why be a cheater when you can be honest and up front with a partner?  Is this possible – to make an agreement that is amenable to both parties re: sexual liaisons?

I know. These others are very big deals and difficult to discuss…  I am not sure how important they are to me until I meet a partner that is worthy of having this discussion with.

Work.  New Adventure.  So I found a new job.  I signed the employment agreement last week.  I officially start in June but will be doing some work prior to starting.  Ever since this happened, I am experiencing anxiety.  I did so much due diligence on the company and the leadership team, I cannot imagine that this is why the anxiety has kicked in. I think that my last job really had a negative impact on me. I’m lucky I have a few months to get over whatever is going on….

Family.  As you all know my family has been through a lot in the last 6 months.  Things are smoothing out… AbFab is speaking with her mother again, the girls have seen their Grandma again…  My twin is doing very well. The cats are healthy for now..  My parents are my parents – retired and loving it.

Not sure what else there is to share… I’m exhausted and need to go to bed. Please share your journey and/or thoughts.

3 Month Relationship – Conversation Follow-up.

image

What I’m about to share it true.  It happened to me this morning at 10am PST.

In a previous post, I shared how a recent relationship ended. Today I had coffee with the Italian Stallion so there are a few more details to share.

First, I wanted to meet with him because I had a suspicion that he wasn’t being fully truthful and it was bothering me. I also wanted to learn from this experience. At the end of the day, I do want a long-term partner at some point in my life.

Second, I forgot to mention, which a friend tells me it was a huge miss, that Italian LOVED to talk about how much $$ he has… How he takes care of people with his money (his kids, ex-wife, lovers, hotel staff, friends, strangers, etc..). How I would never have to worry about money if we got together…   Anyway, a great example, his car collection.  I do not care about cars.. At all.  All I care is that it gets me from point A to point B without incident.  I don’t care if it’s a 1979 Datsun or a 2016 Tesla.  Anyway, Italian Stallion would talk about his cars…  He has 2 cars and 2 trucks.  One of his cars is a Ferrari or Maserati…  He drove it (like a maniac I might had) on our 2nd date.  Parking was difficult so he parked it in a no parking zone. I told him we had time to find a legal spot and that I didn’t mind walking.. He said “if I can afford this car, I can afford the ticket or the tow.  Now let’s go.”

Ok. Back to today.  I meet him at Peet’s Coffee.  He walks in while I’m ordering a coffee… He comes over to me, has a huge smile on his face which was cute and disarming, leans over and kisses me on the cheek.  I offer to buy him a cup of java and he accepts.  We get our coffee and sit down. I thanked him for meeting with me….  I then told him I wasn’t upset or angry but I wanted to have an adult conversation about our relationship and breakup.

My first question for him had to do with his method of breakup – Why did he decide to break up with me over text?  I told him that I thought he had more integrity/class than that so his method of text surprised me. I suggested that he easily could have called me to discuss on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or even Wednesday. He did NOT answer the question.  He reiterated to me that I have been gone too much over these last 3 months and that he has spent far too much of this time “waiting” for me and that he doesn’t need to be waiting around for me when others are “aggressively pursuing him”.

My second question for him was about his level of interest – I just didn’t see or feel that he was in it to win it.  I responded accordingly.  I gave him 3-4 examples that stood out to me:

  • Drugs, and Dancing.  In the first month of our relationship he went to Mexico for 5 days with a friend and ended up spending the entire time with a group of girls, which he bought coke for. They danced and drank together for 5 days.  He was so wrecked when he got home he needed 3 days to “dry out” before he was back to normal.  My point to him was two-fold: 1) would he be happy if I hung out with guys who bought me coke and I danced with them all night every night? And 2) if I was important to him, wouldn’t he have been in better shape when he saw me? Like be excited to come home and see me and maybe cut back on the drugs and booze on the last night?  Maybe?  And I only know all of this because he told me.  I did not ask, he shared all of this freely, and not just with me, but with my friends as well.
  • My Family.  the fact he never asked about my cats, who we all know are my fur babies. Not once. Why Ab Fab is so important to me?
  • My Career.  The fact he never wanted to understand or talk about why I am on a 6 month hiatus from work?
  • Friends.  He met mine…  Why did we not go out with his friends?  He spent a lot of time with “his buddies”… And I never met a one.  Is the term “buddies” mean that he has another date?

I admit that while these things were occurring I DID NOT say anything. I just shrugged my shoulders and accepted it… Again, it’s because I didn’t think he was serious, I wasn’t serious, so none of these things really matter if the relationship is not long-term.

I did tell him I thought the breakup was ironic given that I’m around the entire month of April AND most of May AND I go back to work and have a regular schedule in June…. He started in with “it’s timing” and “I was gone too much” … Yada yada… I did not tell him that the breakup seemed pre-mature at best, and potentially an excuse for another reason.

At the end of the day, he never really answered any of my questions, but my theory is that he had a date last Saturday night and things went well.  My guess is that he would never have called/texted me again IF I hadn’t reached out. Which doesn’t bode well for his character..  But I would say this is more the norm.  Remember Mr. Showtime back in 2011 here and here?

But the story gets better.

As we were talking, we were laughing, joking, having a good time.  We do get along well. He is a fun guy-life of the party, center of attention.  He then told me that I have beautiful eyes and a contagious smile and that I light up any room I walk into (I know, super sweet).   THEN he says that when he watches me smile and laugh he gets hard.  Then he asked me IF I WANTED TO TOUCH IT.  I know.  Wait, there is more.  He then reached out, touched my hand, and …… asked me if I wanted to go to his house and fool around.

Yep, just let that sink in for a minute.  This happened in a flash at a Peet’s Coffee.

I light-heartedly told him “not now”…  There is not a chance in hell that I’m going to ever have sex with him (see reasons why here), but IMO mens ego’s are less bruised when they hear “not now” vs. “no”.

You would think that is enough.. but wait, there is more!  He then proceeds to tell me that he wants to be friends, he would still like to do things together because I’m a cool and fun girl, and:

  1. That we should stay friends because I’ve never met anyone like him.. (which is true)
  2. How lucky I am that he is so vocal in bed – because it shows that he is having a great time and it’s a complement to how good we are together.
  3. And he would be open and available for me to come over to his house and fuck him anytime.

I know. A person like this does exist on this planet. I have seen it for my own eyes.  At the end of the day, I will continue to be his friend (we have a lot of mutual acquaintances).  He is a fun guy.  My gut feeling is that I won’t see him again…  He isn’t going to reach out to me ever again, and I have zero plans to check in with him.  It was as smooth a breakup as you can have.  All egos in-tack, no one damaged or worse from the experience.

And there you have it folks, the end of a romantic relationship.

 

 

 

What a 3-Month Relationship Looks Like.

imageI met a guy in early January.  We dated.  We moved to the friend zone this morning.  Here is what transpired.

I met “Italian Stallion” online.. He didn’t want people to know that so we say we met at Trader Joes.  We meet for drinks – we click.  He wines and dines me 2 more times.. He says he wants to take it to the next level.  What he means is he wants to have sex.  I’m not ready, but hey, a girl needs some real action every now and then so I opted in.

CAUTION: The next few paragraphs contain slightly graphic sexual content. Yes, I am including the juicy bits. You are welcome.

We continued to see each other casually.  We went out a few times a week when I was in town*.  *=take note of this, it will come into play in the very near future.  Going out consisted of me meeting him at his house, him sticking his tongue down my throat upon entry, having sex (he couldn’t wait, that’s how he “connects”), then sitting around watching movies like an old married couple.

While in this 3 month relationship I spent a lot of time away. After all, I am “temporarily retired” and I like to do things. I spent a few weeks in Utah, went to Yoga Retreat in Mexico, spent 2 weeks in the Bahamas (more on this coming)… Italian Stallion would text/call every now and again, but certainly not consistently.

The sex was also not that great for me.  Here are a few reasons why:

  1. His penis is not that big.  And this wouldn’t be a problem IF he didn’t talk about how big it was all the time.  It worked, he knew what to do with it, but it wasn’t big.  All I could think about when we were having sex is about all the girls he’s been with that have told him he is huge, when in fact, he is average.  And who was I to burst his bubble?  Hard to focus on having an orgasm when I’m thinking about the mans penis size and all the other girls who have supported his belief that he is well endowed.
  2. He is a dirty talker. He loved to talk dirty, in public and in the bedroom.  Which is fine, to each their own.  But when you are having sex with someone and they use statements like “gimme that pussy” or “come to Pappa” or “Who’s your daddy” (he is 60-something so it’s kind of creepy) or “fuck that cock, yes, fuck that big cock“.  Anyway, I wasn’t able to get into a rhythm because I was too busy wondering where he picked up these statements and if other women were actually turned on by this.
  3. He has loud orgasms.  As you would expect, someone who loves to talk dirty in bed is also very expressive when he orgasms.  I am on the Chelsea Handler team where men should watch themselves in a mirror and ask themselves if what they see is what they want to bring into the bedroom.  She does a hilarious bit about this in her Uganda Be Kidding Me standup routine (out on Netflix). You can go here and see a less dramatic version of it during an interview – http://teamcoco.com/video/chelsea-handler-sex-rules.  When he was ready to “explode” he would start to scream at the top of his lungs, “NO, NO, NO…. Then more softly yell yes, yes yes “…. And a few other choice words while in the euphoric state.

In this case, between his size, his dirty talk, and the sound and fury of his orgasm, it was all just too distracting for me.

Ok. Enough of that.  Here is how the breakup happened.

I returned from the Bahamas last week and wanted to see him. Actually, I didn’t really care if I saw him again but since we were dating I thought it was best if I put in some effort.  So I called him on Wednesday. He didn’t have time to see me until Friday.   I met him at his house, we had dinner, sex, and a movie.  When I left his house on Friday he felt much better and connected again.  He even texted me Saturday morning – his exact words – “It was great seeing you last night. I had a great time and I hope you did too”.

He had plans on Saturday so he said he would call me on Sunday.  He didn’t call.  I spent the day with my friend at the pool, asking for advice on how to break up with Italian Stallion.  So many ways to do it…  Some suggestions were hilarious.  I’ll save this for another post too.

Anyway, I finally reached out to him Tuesday evening via text – said I hoped he had a nice weekend and that I missed him.  I didn’t really miss him, but isn’t that what you say when you are dating someone?  He responded by text the following – He said that things “broke” between us when I went to the Bahamas and he couldn’t get it back… And that we should date other people and just be friends.

Personally I think he had a date Saturday night and it went well… I’ve asked to meet him to discuss.. Only because I want to ask questions and get a better understanding. I never got the feeling he was serious..  I thought we were just casual and in no way did I think we were exclusive.  Anyway, we are scheduled to meet this Friday for coffee. Interesting how things play out isn’t it? I got my breakup without having to be the heavy. 🙂

That my friends is what a 3 month relationship looks like.  I will update this post IF I do indeed meet with Italian Stallion on Friday.

Better than Yesterday.

today_is_better_than_yesterday_by_nvmsodi-d423tugToday was another day.  A day that was better than yesterday. It is also a day that I did not go into work – I called in sick.  Even though I called in sick I still have work to do – I worked a few hours and have a bit more to do tonight, but I didn’t have the energy to get myself ready or see other people.  But that isn’t what this post is about, this post is about today – another day, which was better than yesterday.  Not to say it was all good, it was just better than yesterday.

So I’ve only almost cried 6 times today.  Not fully cried, just almost cried – you know, tears well up and you swallow them or force them to go away.  I did also see ATrain – we had lunch.  We went to our favorite place.  We had a good time – it was so good to see him.  He looks good, as always.  We didn’t talk about anything important. I think we are both in a too-sensitive place right now (or at least I am).  We did talk about:

  • his plans this week – Monday/tonight he is visiting his son, Tuesday he has an event, he is busy busy all week..
  • his project ending (March 3rd) and the celebrating he will do …
  • his new yacht trip (he just got back and has another one planned – it’s part of his 10 days a month on vacation goal and its part of the celebration, see point #1)
  • his pending trip to France for the Tour de France

As much as I wanted to know about his weekend, what he did/who he was with, tell him how much I missed him, I did not.   I really do not want to know where he was or who he was with.  So the part of “being friends” where you share everything and anything, well, I’m not there yet.

So what did I do today while I wasn’t working?  Thinking. Here is what I decided today:

  • Time to make my place a home. Even though I don’t have the money, I’m going to splurge on a new rug, a new duvet, a new vacuum, and a new TV (mine is 25″, I want a 40″ AND one manufactured in the last 10 years).  My goal this year was to not buy anything so that I could pay off my CC debt… which I can do by the end of the year IF I don’t spend.  But I’m going to be in the space I’m in for another year, so I may as well make it everything I want it to be.
  • See a counselor.  My work healthcare offers me the opportunity to see someone up to 8 times at no cost.  There is so much I need to learn about myself, why not just do it?
  • Get physically active.  I need to get moving if I’m going to lose weight.  I signed up for a 6 week fat blast class.  My interview for the class is this Wednesday. Yes, interview. They don’t take just anyone because they want to take pictures and use it as promotional materials.  Cross your fingers for me that I get in. If not, I’ll figure something else out.
  • Get my carpets cleaned.  Not like that you dirty minded folks! 😉 I actually have a few area rugs that need to be cleaned and stored safely.  Part of me wants to get rid of them, but I’m just not ready to part with them. So I will get them cleaned and stored properly. So when I do move into a house they fit into I can make the decision then.

While I was working on not feeling sorry for myself, I thought of a few ideas that are fun, that I’d like to make happen, but are long shots:

  • Finally start that Cat Channel on YouTube.  The one where I record Sophie and Zoey, my two crazy furry babies, edit the film, and post their antics online. Who doesn’t want another cat channel??
  • Start Sewing again. A year ago I bought a sewing machine and some fabric to make my own pillows.  Project hasn’t started yet.. what am I waiting for right??  By “again”, I mean the last time I was in front of a sewing machine was in college, which was over 20 years ago!
  • Begin my modge-podge crafts. Yes, a year ago I bought modge-podge and had all these crafts I wanted to create.. I’ve got so many ideas, so many “things” socked away in storage that I want to create.  So many modge-podge ideas, so little time!  Once I get myself put back together, I may be blogging about DIY crafts. I know, you can’t wait can you?!?!  😉
  • Create more lists.  I am unable to keep track of myself unless I put a list together, so why not post the lists publicly so I can know where they are?!?  I know, a fabulous idea.  I’ve started with a new page called My Favorites.  I’ll continue to update it as I remember, see, or do things..
  • Paleo. I’m loving my paleo lifestyle and I plan to keep track of it here on this blog.  All my Paleo favorites are listed on my new Paleo References page.
  • Drink more wine.  Just kidding, it is not possible!! ha ha, gotcha. 🙂

I think that is it.  There are two more things I want to share but I feel they deserve a log of their own..

Reflections of a Breakup.

one-day-things-will-get-betterI’m now 4 days into the breakup.  My first weekend without ATrain.  It’s hard.  Weekends are going to be the hardest because that is when I have extra time on my hands.  The time I would usually spend running errands and hanging with the ATrain.

First, the fact that we are broken up doesn’t surprise me.  ATrain and I had been talking about our relationship, where we were, and had a few very frank conversations about what we each needed to make a relationship work.  So, having the conversation on Tuesday wasn’t a shocker in that we were talking about our relationship and our needs.

What I didn’t expect was that it wasn’t a conversation we had. It was him telling me that he had given thought to our past conversations, and that at the end of the day, he didn’t want what I wanted, and he didn’t care to meet my needs.  It was so abrupt. And on top of it, the parts about him being desired by other women who were/are waiting for me to get out-of-the-way AND his unexpected trip out-of-town this weekend…  It all just took me by surprise.

Yes, I’ve been mopey and sad.  No one likes to be rejected, especially by someone they love and care for.  Will I recover, yes. But it will take time, there is a lot of thinking I need to do.  After 4 days, I’ve come to realize that I’m very sad for myself.  ATrain has become a best friend.  He is also a very good friend to my friends.  He is definitely in “my circle” of very close friends.  He hasn’t called me today – and I miss that.  And I miss him.  It sucks.

But there is something else that is really upsetting to me.  It’s the question I keep asking myself.  Why did I wait so long to put my needs on the table?  What was I waiting for?  I believe I spent most of last year just trying to figure out what I wanted. And when I finally figured it out and was able to clearly articulate it, it took ATrain all of a week to figure out he didn’t want to go there.  So just like in my marriage, I spent a lot of time in a relationship that in the end, was never going to give me what I needed.  Why am I doing this to myself?

I just don’t get it.  With ATrain, I never felt safe. I never felt that I could let my guard down.  When we were living together I used to have dreams that I would come home from work and he was packing my things up and moving me out – and moving someone else in.  I was having these dreams over and over…  when things where really good between us.  I realize now (hindsight is 20/20) that I never felt like I could fully depend on him, that I had to be careful. Of course, I must mention that my worst years professionally have been the years I was with ATrain.  I do feel badly for him in the sense that I was not in a good place, and maybe he just didn’t know how to support me.  Who knows.

But things did get a lot better between us when I moved out….  but once you move out, move “away” from the relationship, it is very hard to bring it back together.  And that is where we were – trying to bring it back together, come together in a better way.  We all know the outcome of that effort.

I will be taking the great advice offered on Trifectatribe.com and spending a few months alone, remembering, analyzing, reflecting, and basically just mourning the loss of another relationship.  And when I’m ready to open up and make room for friends, family, and the like, I’ll get up and out..  It will happen.  It’s just a matter of time.

Regarding a few comments made on my Breakup post:

  • I’m NOT upset that ATrain beat me to the punch wrt the breakup. I’m startled and hurt by the way the message was delivered and how quickly It feels that I’ve been forgotten.  It feels eerily similar to my experience with my ex-husband – he’s recovered rapidly and on the road to a new relationship before we are even over.  Why does this happen? Why do I take years to recover, and my ex’s can zip right out and find themselves “new girlfriends” within a week? So they don’t have to be alone? What is it?!?  Tell me!
  • Regarding finding the diamond in the rough that is looking for a girl like me.  My Ex was that.  He was a quiet one that I noticed behind a computer monitor way back when..  and look how good that worked out for me.  By all appearances, he like it so much, he let it happen again while we were married. 😉
  • I do believe there are good guys out there. I believe there are men who actually like and want to be in a relationship.  And these kinds of men, when they notice a great gal, will speak up and go after what they want.  And at this point, I want to be healthy, happy, and ready to engage.

There is a lot of work I need to do on myself.  To figure myself out (again) and get to a happy, healthy place.  I need to be sure of myself, sure of what I want, and this will get me to where I want to be – in a relationship where both parties are getting everything they want and need.

Here is to a healthy, happy 2015.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.

keep-calm-move-on-from-ex-boyfriendSo tonight was the night.  I had dinner with A-Train, as we do many nights, and he let me have it.  The breakup. It’s happened.  He said the following:

  • He will always love me, love my quirkiness
  • wants to remain friends (this is a shocker, he always told me that if we broke up I’d never see him again, that I would be “on my own”)
  • That I’m super special, I don’t know it, and it will upset him to no end if I end up with someone who doesn’t recognize it or treat me as well as he did
  • That now I can “move on” and date whom I’d like (he said it as if I had someone in the pipe)
  • AND that he is going away this weekend…

All his topics caught me by surprise, however, the last one was “it” for me.  I know men – they don’t break up with someone unless they have someone waiting for them.  Every boyfriend/husband I’ve been with this has been the case.  Men don’t move on unless they already have someone else.

I don’t know who the ATrain has met or where he is going, but he is on a natural high, he is now rich beyond belief and it doesn’t surprise me that he’s “found” a new woman.  He even told me tonight that women ask him how I’m doing, in anticipation that we have broken up so they can pounce.  Is he a catch? Totally.  Is this what I need to hear while he is breaking up with me? Absolutely Not.

So there you have it. I’m back on the market.  All 43 years of me, worn, weathered, battered, beaten beyond belief, in no shape or form to date.  I’ll need to get healthy before I get back out there, which given the way I do it, I’ll be reclusive for the next 6-12 months, focus on my health.  Maybe now I can lose my extra weight (because I’m hiding away??).. who the hell knows.

What am I going to do?  I’m going to recover, focus on my career, lose some weight and get my confidence back. THEN I will begin dating again. Then, maybe then, I’ll meet someone who wants a partner in crime, someone to wants to be taken care of AND wants to take care of someone…   WE shall see.

Boy am I tired.  Life has got to be/get easier.  Will this breakup make my life easier?  Time will tell. For now, I’m surprised that it happened now but not surprised that it happened. And it will hurt like hell when I find out who ATrain is courting (it always hurts to know you’ve been lied to)..

New Year is A’Coming.

big-changes-coming-soonI get SUPER EXCITED about the New Year – I see it as an opportunity for reflection and change.  I love to look back on the year, see where I am, where I am not, as compared to my goals and aspirations.

This year was the first year I did not write down my resolutions – and I’m paying for it.  I have no way to measure myself, and I feel like I wasted most of the year.  I gave up on 2014 about 4-5 months ago.  A lost year for me.  I wanted to do so much, but did almost none of what I wanted.  This year, I’m starting early.

I feel like I’ve already started on my 2015 resolutions. I do not want another year to go by and be in the same place.  I’m serious about making a plan and working that plan….

One of the biggest changes that happened already is a job change.  I really wanted to call Zuora home, but they were like family that only wants you to stay a few days, not for a while.  I tried my best to stay, worked really hard to do something amazing. . Alas, I clued in that we weren’t on the same page so I moved on.  Bums me out as I loved the technology and all my customers…  but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.  I’ve been at the new company for a month now, so far so good.  I’m taking a lead, doing what I love (to organize things, make a difference), and learning new things.  I am looking forward to finding my professional home – the place that feels like home when I’m not home. So far so good.  So far there aren’t any real politics that I can see, just a great bunch of good, solid, really smart people all working towards the same objective/goal/outcome.  Great technology and culture.  I feel like I fit in.  It will be a matter of time before I figure out if I do or not.

I’ve spent the last 10 months trying to break up with A-Train.  I love him, but I’m convinced we are not meant to be a couple. For a variety of excuses reasons, It hasn’t happened yet.  He is a super nice guy, I love being around him, we just aren’t a good team.  My fear of losing him as a friend stops me from doing what is best for the both of us.  Although I still do not know why in the world he wants to be with me – I’m a horrible girlfriend.  I will someday provide a list of all the ways I’m a horrible girlfriend….

Anyway, one resolution is to write more.  I like to write, its therapeutic for me, and I love the advice/wisdom I get from my readers.  So expect more this year from me. I’m ready to deliver.

Keep me honest folks – hold me to my goals and commitments!

 

 

 

I’m Back. Again.

Raccoon_twinsNow I realize I’ve said this before, then disappeared again, but I have made it a New Years resolution to post more.  And by “post more” I mean that my posts won’t be so thought provoking, insightful, humorous, well-formed.  What there will be is more of them – I think its called quantity over quality.. Walmart style.

Anyway, I do need to post all my New Year’s resolutions so you can keep me honest, but I’ve run out of wine – first time in god, 10 years?

My funny comment/post for tonight was this:  I just saw 2 raccoons in the backyard.  I jumped out of my chair, opened the patio door, and yelled screeched at the top of my lungs “eeeeahhhhhoowwww”. Really loud. Four times.  Raccoons ran away. As fast as they could. I heard them scurry up the fence.  They are long gone, but my  cats are still freaked out – not because of the raccoons, they didn’t even see them.  Because of me – everything was fine, they were sleeping.. then their mom spun out of control.  Just made me realize how obnoxious I really am.

So what’s happened since my last post, where I needed a new life?  I’ve done it.  I now have the beginnings of a new life.  In the last 3 months, I no longer live with A-Train, I’ve rented out my awesome house,  and I’ve moved into a tiny 1-bedroom cottage. Why? To get back on track financially and spend some time alone to focus directly on myself and my happiness.  And in searching for the URL’s for above, I came across this post – Who Am I?  It’s hard to fathom that I’ve been lost for almost a year.  Good thing I have this blog to keep me honest. 😉

Anyway, another year of “The Paula” is here.  I’ve used, once again, my New Years resolutions to shift my focus, to change my life.  Every year is a new opportunity to be a better person….  so here I am, working on me again.