Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.

keep-calm-move-on-from-ex-boyfriendSo tonight was the night.  I had dinner with A-Train, as we do many nights, and he let me have it.  The breakup. It’s happened.  He said the following:

  • He will always love me, love my quirkiness
  • wants to remain friends (this is a shocker, he always told me that if we broke up I’d never see him again, that I would be “on my own”)
  • That I’m super special, I don’t know it, and it will upset him to no end if I end up with someone who doesn’t recognize it or treat me as well as he did
  • That now I can “move on” and date whom I’d like (he said it as if I had someone in the pipe)
  • AND that he is going away this weekend…

All his topics caught me by surprise, however, the last one was “it” for me.  I know men – they don’t break up with someone unless they have someone waiting for them.  Every boyfriend/husband I’ve been with this has been the case.  Men don’t move on unless they already have someone else.

I don’t know who the ATrain has met or where he is going, but he is on a natural high, he is now rich beyond belief and it doesn’t surprise me that he’s “found” a new woman.  He even told me tonight that women ask him how I’m doing, in anticipation that we have broken up so they can pounce.  Is he a catch? Totally.  Is this what I need to hear while he is breaking up with me? Absolutely Not.

So there you have it. I’m back on the market.  All 43 years of me, worn, weathered, battered, beaten beyond belief, in no shape or form to date.  I’ll need to get healthy before I get back out there, which given the way I do it, I’ll be reclusive for the next 6-12 months, focus on my health.  Maybe now I can lose my extra weight (because I’m hiding away??).. who the hell knows.

What am I going to do?  I’m going to recover, focus on my career, lose some weight and get my confidence back. THEN I will begin dating again. Then, maybe then, I’ll meet someone who wants a partner in crime, someone to wants to be taken care of AND wants to take care of someone…   WE shall see.

Boy am I tired.  Life has got to be/get easier.  Will this breakup make my life easier?  Time will tell. For now, I’m surprised that it happened now but not surprised that it happened. And it will hurt like hell when I find out who ATrain is courting (it always hurts to know you’ve been lied to)..

6 thoughts on “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.

  1. Separated Dad February 20, 2015 / 12:40 pm

    Well, I picked the wrong day too see if you are still alive. Especially as maybe the answer isn’t a clear yes or no today…

    I’m so sorry to hear about this. His name has run through many of your posts in the past and I had assumed that, ups and downs, you had someone solid. Apparently not. 😦

    You will get a lot of support from people more current on what you’ve been doing. From me, you get the same thing without the background knowledge. If you have some time, write to me.

    All the best, SD.


  2. R. W. Emerson February 19, 2015 / 10:58 pm

    Hi Paula – We actually know each other IRL but it’s been a long time and you probably wouldn’t remember me.

    I am sorry to hear about your break up but I am not really surprised either. Your earlier posts indicated a confusion and hesitancy about your relationship with ATrain so it is probably for the best that he pulled the trigger first. From what I can tell, he was never going to be the long term partner that you are desiring and I’m reading into your description that you are probably more dissapointed that you couldn’t be the one to end it instead.

    There are many men living quiet, lonely lives who want nothing more than to meet someone like yourself. There are gems out there that go easily overlooked because they don’t pop up on radar screens for one reason or another. Maybe they’re too quiet, or nerdy or lack the confidence to approach a beautiful woman like yourself. When you’re ready to date again, I urge you to look around and try to see the guys that might not catch your eye the first time around. I promise that you’ll eventually find a diamond in the rough and be on your way to that E&N relationship you long for.

    I know you as highly intelligent, beautiful, full of energy and tremendously fun to be around. These are qualities that most men would trip over each other to find in a woman. If my own situation weren’t so complicated, I would pursue you myself.

    If we ever have the chance to meet again I am hoping our circumstances might be such to allow for something interesting to happen. Until then, I wish you all the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    • paulasponderings February 22, 2015 / 5:33 am

      I really appreciate you taking the time to write – you have me thinking! And I do hope that we are able to meet again – It would be nice to see an old friend again.



  3. Herald Spain February 19, 2015 / 7:00 pm

    Last to first, yes it will get easier. There will be greater clarity. You are no longer sailing in the fog of your relationship with Atrain. Now you can see what is beyond the horizon. Who knows, a quicker rout to China as Columbas dreamed or a land of new wondered and andventure as the Vikings thought.

    You get to see…

    As for having something in the wings? Men, 95% are very predicable. Put heat on dry wood and it will catch fire. Will it keep them warm, that depends on too many factors, is it raining, windy, do I have another long to burn?

    Atrain likely does but the real question is would you want that to be you?

    Reading your discription of the what would happen if we broke up I am wondering if Atrain is an adult or a 17 year old boy. You know him and I am just imagining.

    Breaking up is VERY painful even if you want it. There is a morning proccecess that should happen. Some people delay it but it will happen.

    Turn your energy towards you, you may be surprised.

    Be well, as well as you can. H.S.


    • paulasponderings February 22, 2015 / 5:36 am

      The death of a relationship is painful, thank you for recognizing it.

      There was definitely fog in this relationship, by my reflecting has me thinking that I own the fog. I do believe that ATrain never meant to have more than just “fun” with me, but who can blame him – I let it happen by not standing up for what I wanted/needed until the end. It is good to have more clarity, and I hope as I move forward I will gain even more clarity.


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