3 Month Relationship – Conversation Follow-up.

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What I’m about to share it true.  It happened to me this morning at 10am PST.

In a previous post, I shared how a recent relationship ended. Today I had coffee with the Italian Stallion so there are a few more details to share.

First, I wanted to meet with him because I had a suspicion that he wasn’t being fully truthful and it was bothering me. I also wanted to learn from this experience. At the end of the day, I do want a long-term partner at some point in my life.

Second, I forgot to mention, which a friend tells me it was a huge miss, that Italian LOVED to talk about how much $$ he has… How he takes care of people with his money (his kids, ex-wife, lovers, hotel staff, friends, strangers, etc..). How I would never have to worry about money if we got together…   Anyway, a great example, his car collection.  I do not care about cars.. At all.  All I care is that it gets me from point A to point B without incident.  I don’t care if it’s a 1979 Datsun or a 2016 Tesla.  Anyway, Italian Stallion would talk about his cars…  He has 2 cars and 2 trucks.  One of his cars is a Ferrari or Maserati…  He drove it (like a maniac I might had) on our 2nd date.  Parking was difficult so he parked it in a no parking zone. I told him we had time to find a legal spot and that I didn’t mind walking.. He said “if I can afford this car, I can afford the ticket or the tow.  Now let’s go.”

Ok. Back to today.  I meet him at Peet’s Coffee.  He walks in while I’m ordering a coffee… He comes over to me, has a huge smile on his face which was cute and disarming, leans over and kisses me on the cheek.  I offer to buy him a cup of java and he accepts.  We get our coffee and sit down. I thanked him for meeting with me….  I then told him I wasn’t upset or angry but I wanted to have an adult conversation about our relationship and breakup.

My first question for him had to do with his method of breakup – Why did he decide to break up with me over text?  I told him that I thought he had more integrity/class than that so his method of text surprised me. I suggested that he easily could have called me to discuss on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or even Wednesday. He did NOT answer the question.  He reiterated to me that I have been gone too much over these last 3 months and that he has spent far too much of this time “waiting” for me and that he doesn’t need to be waiting around for me when others are “aggressively pursuing him”.

My second question for him was about his level of interest – I just didn’t see or feel that he was in it to win it.  I responded accordingly.  I gave him 3-4 examples that stood out to me:

  • Drugs, and Dancing.  In the first month of our relationship he went to Mexico for 5 days with a friend and ended up spending the entire time with a group of girls, which he bought coke for. They danced and drank together for 5 days.  He was so wrecked when he got home he needed 3 days to “dry out” before he was back to normal.  My point to him was two-fold: 1) would he be happy if I hung out with guys who bought me coke and I danced with them all night every night? And 2) if I was important to him, wouldn’t he have been in better shape when he saw me? Like be excited to come home and see me and maybe cut back on the drugs and booze on the last night?  Maybe?  And I only know all of this because he told me.  I did not ask, he shared all of this freely, and not just with me, but with my friends as well.
  • My Family.  the fact he never asked about my cats, who we all know are my fur babies. Not once. Why Ab Fab is so important to me?
  • My Career.  The fact he never wanted to understand or talk about why I am on a 6 month hiatus from work?
  • Friends.  He met mine…  Why did we not go out with his friends?  He spent a lot of time with “his buddies”… And I never met a one.  Is the term “buddies” mean that he has another date?

I admit that while these things were occurring I DID NOT say anything. I just shrugged my shoulders and accepted it… Again, it’s because I didn’t think he was serious, I wasn’t serious, so none of these things really matter if the relationship is not long-term.

I did tell him I thought the breakup was ironic given that I’m around the entire month of April AND most of May AND I go back to work and have a regular schedule in June…. He started in with “it’s timing” and “I was gone too much” … Yada yada… I did not tell him that the breakup seemed pre-mature at best, and potentially an excuse for another reason.

At the end of the day, he never really answered any of my questions, but my theory is that he had a date last Saturday night and things went well.  My guess is that he would never have called/texted me again IF I hadn’t reached out. Which doesn’t bode well for his character..  But I would say this is more the norm.  Remember Mr. Showtime back in 2011 here and here?

But the story gets better.

As we were talking, we were laughing, joking, having a good time.  We do get along well. He is a fun guy-life of the party, center of attention.  He then told me that I have beautiful eyes and a contagious smile and that I light up any room I walk into (I know, super sweet).   THEN he says that when he watches me smile and laugh he gets hard.  Then he asked me IF I WANTED TO TOUCH IT.  I know.  Wait, there is more.  He then reached out, touched my hand, and …… asked me if I wanted to go to his house and fool around.

Yep, just let that sink in for a minute.  This happened in a flash at a Peet’s Coffee.

I light-heartedly told him “not now”…  There is not a chance in hell that I’m going to ever have sex with him (see reasons why here), but IMO mens ego’s are less bruised when they hear “not now” vs. “no”.

You would think that is enough.. but wait, there is more!  He then proceeds to tell me that he wants to be friends, he would still like to do things together because I’m a cool and fun girl, and:

  1. That we should stay friends because I’ve never met anyone like him.. (which is true)
  2. How lucky I am that he is so vocal in bed – because it shows that he is having a great time and it’s a complement to how good we are together.
  3. And he would be open and available for me to come over to his house and fuck him anytime.

I know. A person like this does exist on this planet. I have seen it for my own eyes.  At the end of the day, I will continue to be his friend (we have a lot of mutual acquaintances).  He is a fun guy.  My gut feeling is that I won’t see him again…  He isn’t going to reach out to me ever again, and I have zero plans to check in with him.  It was as smooth a breakup as you can have.  All egos in-tack, no one damaged or worse from the experience.

And there you have it folks, the end of a romantic relationship.

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “3 Month Relationship – Conversation Follow-up.

  1. wheredoesthisend July 5, 2016 / 9:45 am

    Very solid and adult approach. Nicely done and lesson learned I think.

    Like

  2. Herald Spain April 9, 2016 / 8:28 pm

    Paula I am unsure where to begin….

    This guy is stuck in some 1980 idea of life. He is so cliche he gives clichi’s a bad name. If there are that many women “aggresively perusing” him it does not speak well of women, or sociaty as a whole. He is what I would call school on Satueday… No Class!

    The Peete’s interaction you discriabes is like something out of Sex and the City. I am shocked he asked you home to have sex and instead suggest the bathroom or his car! Classy all the way around.

    That people can think that this behavior is in any way appropriate or in the least way appealing is realy the question.

    Self deluded, over compensator, self aggrandising, with no manners….need I go on?
    Don’t walk, run away from this one.

    Take a long shower and sip some good wine alone.

    Be well H.S.

    Like

  3. Anonymous April 9, 2016 / 1:44 am

    Paula,

    He makes me want to go take a shower but I have to get up at like 3:45 AM to go to Philadelphia so I’ll take a shower then. I hope you’re done with him. BUT you do have the most beautiful eyes and a fantastic smile.

    Joe

    Like

  4. Single Dad April 9, 2016 / 1:36 am

    It seems bizarre to me that you’d even get close to a misogynist like that. He might be fun, but he literally is an example of what you do not want in a partner and not the kind of man I’d ever want my daughters to meet (assuming age-appropriate meetings).

    Like

    • paulasponderings April 9, 2016 / 4:09 am

      I had no idea that he was this much of an asshole. Even at the very end, I still can’t help but smile.. he cracks me up -I cannot believe a person like this exists! And has gotten away with this kind of behavior for 60+ years. That was it – it was entertaining and I was in it for the pure shock value.

      There are so many more of Italian Stallions out there than normal nice guys… Its too bad. BUT, it I have to say, when I meet a nice guy, I know it. I feel it to the core of my being. When one comes my way I will certainly snatch him up. 🙂

      Like

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