With my new “temporarily retired” status, I now have the time to do things that I’ve always wanted to do. I love to learn… I’ve always wanted to learn to speak another language. I’ve always been fascinated by Clinical Trials… I would love to learn to write more effectively. So now I’m doing it. Thanks to the internet, there is a lot of resources available online. I have found a few sites that have incredible courses, and most of them are free!
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.
So tonight was the night. I had dinner with A-Train, as we do many nights, and he let me have it. The breakup. It’s happened. He said the following:
- He will always love me, love my quirkiness
- wants to remain friends (this is a shocker, he always told me that if we broke up I’d never see him again, that I would be “on my own”)
- That I’m super special, I don’t know it, and it will upset him to no end if I end up with someone who doesn’t recognize it or treat me as well as he did
- That now I can “move on” and date whom I’d like (he said it as if I had someone in the pipe)
- AND that he is going away this weekend…
All his topics caught me by surprise, however, the last one was “it” for me. I know men – they don’t break up with someone unless they have someone waiting for them. Every boyfriend/husband I’ve been with this has been the case. Men don’t move on unless they already have someone else.
I don’t know who the ATrain has met or where he is going, but he is on a natural high, he is now rich beyond belief and it doesn’t surprise me that he’s “found” a new woman. He even told me tonight that women ask him how I’m doing, in anticipation that we have broken up so they can pounce. Is he a catch? Totally. Is this what I need to hear while he is breaking up with me? Absolutely Not.
So there you have it. I’m back on the market. All 43 years of me, worn, weathered, battered, beaten beyond belief, in no shape or form to date. I’ll need to get healthy before I get back out there, which given the way I do it, I’ll be reclusive for the next 6-12 months, focus on my health. Maybe now I can lose my extra weight (because I’m hiding away??).. who the hell knows.
What am I going to do? I’m going to recover, focus on my career, lose some weight and get my confidence back. THEN I will begin dating again. Then, maybe then, I’ll meet someone who wants a partner in crime, someone to wants to be taken care of AND wants to take care of someone… WE shall see.
Boy am I tired. Life has got to be/get easier. Will this breakup make my life easier? Time will tell. For now, I’m surprised that it happened now but not surprised that it happened. And it will hurt like hell when I find out who ATrain is courting (it always hurts to know you’ve been lied to)..
Onboarding Almost Complete…
God, its been only a few months since I started my new job, but it does seem like I’ve worked here forever. I started January 10th, and I’m about to complete my last two tollgates tomorrow – a technical pitch AND a 30 minute “build from scratch” demo.
yes, two tollgates in one day .. why you ask? Because I cancelled at the very last minute, one of them on Monday. My system just wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do. I figured it out, but too late…. so tomorrow is doozy of a day for me. Should I be studying and practicing right now? Absolutely. But I just needed a tiny break, so I thought I would write.
I’m on the verge, the cliff of change if you will, work wise. I cannot wait to pass and move to the next phase of my professional life… I will head home, early Friday – 6am flight out of Boston back to SF – with a job well done, a job done, or a job not done. I’m shooting for the stars – for a job well done, and good solid sleep on the plane, and a celebratory weekend.
Almost there… it feels good to be so close, it will feel even better to be done!! 🙂
The Cat Cave.
So, I’ve been far too busy with work AND most recently with alergies/sinuses. All very unpleasant to talk about, so I’ve spent the last few weeks alone (because I’m not that intersting company these days).
Given this, I’ve enjoyed my “cave”. My cave is my entire home (since I don’t have to share). We all know about this, the cave, the spot, the one place we can call our own, that we can be ourselves in. Prior to my divorce, it was the guest room (otherwise known as the “red couch room”). Now I have the whole house to myself. 🙂
The cats have also had the run of the house, but even though they are allowed in every room, I think they also want a place place they call home. Its under a rose bush in the backyard. They love hanging out there – it gives them privacy but also views of the “goings on” in the neighborhood.
I noticed the cats love for this spot, as did a friend of mine. Before his departure, he made sure that the cats would have room to rest in their “cat cave”… I didn’t realize how nice it is FOR ME for the cats to have this space.. a place to call their own, a place I find them on a daily basis. Attached is a picture of Zoey enjoying the shade of the roses on a warm summer day.
Work has been especially tough lately, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of how lucky I am that a) there is a safe spot for the cats to call their own, and b) that I have friend that made it all happen without me asking. What a treasure.