Today was a tough day. Today, April 26th 2023, was the Order of Possession trial in Mexico. I am physically and mentally exhausted.
What is an Order of Possession?
I cannot find any good websites that describe it, but basically, it’s a court order that states that one person has exclusive rights to occupy a unit/home. Tiny Trash is listed as a co-owner of the property on the private contract (explained in my Don’t Mingle Finances post), but with this court order, I am the only one who can be in possession of the condo. Meaning if he comes near the unit, does any damage, he can be taken to Mexican jail. Think of it as a USA version of an Order of Protection but for a piece of property. So as long as I’m in the condo, I am safe… but if I leave the condo, and Tiny Trash decides to harm me, its allowed because the Order of Possession ONLY protects the condo from his wrath.
I tried to obtain the USA version of an Order of Protection in Mexico, but from what I was told by my lawyer, this is nearly impossible to obtain in MX. Apparently Mexico is behind the times when it comes to protecting victims of domestic violence. Not to say that the USA has a one up – as we all know, the US version of an OOP is just a piece of paper and law enforcement doesn’t take them seriously (otherwise Forensic Files and Dateline wouldn’t have 20+ seasons each).
Why Do I Have an Order of Possession?
Well, after I discovered Tiny Trash’s double life, I broke up with him. However, all my stuff was in Mexico, as I had planned to return to MX to live with him. We agreed that I could get all my things Labor Day Weekend in September 2022. He would not give me the code to the condo until the day I was driving down – August 31st. Throughout the following days, he would remove the code and not allow me into the condo or the MX house to obtain my things. It was a game he was playing – removing my access unless I talked with him, which I would not. Days and days of this BS. After he broke into my Chandler home on September 7th (Home Invasion #1) , I knew I was not safe and hired a lawyer both in Mexico and the USA.
I began working with Rogelio, my MX attorney on seeking an order of possession, but thanks to Tiny Trash’s break-in on September 13th 2022 (2nd Break-in), it was granted almost immediately. Scariest day of my life. It took forever to serve him in Mexico, but once served, the Order of Possession went into effect. He was finally served while he was with Laura and friends at his Princesa D108 condo.
He could have left well enough alone, after all, he has contributed $0 to the condo AND he made money on my money (Don’t Mingle Finances). But nope, he appealed this order of possession. And today was his day in court to prove his case – why he should also possess and occupy the unit.
What is Mexican Court Like?
Mexican court is very interesting – in some ways it’s the same as the US court system – inefficient, behind the times, etc.. What makes it extra complex for Americans is the requirement to translate EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING.
So in the USA, when you have court, you have a judge, a court reporter, you have lawyers ask questions, witnesses give answers, etc.. Witnesses do not get to hear everyone’s testimony, they are called in when it is their turn. SAME in Mexico for the most part.
Here are the differences:
there is no judge, there is a Secretary that types into a computer the questions and answers.
there are multiple people in the room: the Secretary, the witness, the interpreter, and the lawyers.
We each were allowed 2 witnesses:
Tiny Trash picked his brother and Abe, a guy that works for him.
I had Justine, the former B509 property manager and person who helped with the original purchase of B509, and Cesar, the bodyguard that was present when Tiny Trash broke into the B509 condo
There is only one witness in the room at all times. The courtroom is a small room and there is no waiting room, so when we were not being interviewed, we stood outside or sat in our cars.
At the end of all the testimony, the lawyers and translators review the documentation.
If all looks good, the Secretary prints the documents, and everyone who participated in the day has to sign the paperwork along the borders.
Given this, it took from 11am to 5:30pm to complete all the “interviews”, prepare the documents, and have everyone sign the documents.
So What Happens Now?
The judge will get a file that is thick as thieves — evidence submitted (police reports, ring doorbell recordings, apostiled documents from the USA (my order of protection, the financial statements that show I paid 100% for the condo, all of the Chandler police reports, etc), witness statements from the court hearing today, etc.. The judge will determine the outcome. I understand he will make a decision within 3-5 days.
So, we wait.
Why was this so hard for Me?
It’s the first time I have seen him since the USA Order of Protection hearing on Nov. 9th (OOP Upheld). So the good news is he looks HORRIBLE. I can’t believe that I found him remotely attractive at any point. His beer gut, his man boobs, and now he has a short haircut that makes his head look like a special needs child that needs a helmet. Outside of his physical appearance, I finally saw him for who he really is – a conman, a self-entitled, selfish, what is yours is mine guy that has zero moral compass.
It shook me hard. It’s like a lightning bolt hit me – I was way too trusting, too nice.
I’ve been in shock since August of last year. I don’t go out, I don’t get to know people. I am alone almost 100% of the time. It has been really hard for me to come to grips with the fact that I was with someone that I thought I knew, but in the end, it was all a con:
He knowingly lied to me (he never had the money for the condo); he never intended to pay me back for his 1/2 of the condo
He took all the rental income; did not give me a penny
And now he wants to profit from my investment
I’m still shook by all of this. Since November 2022, I have basically been self isolating. I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, I don’t want want or need any drama in my life. I don’t go out. I work from home… I’ve gone weeks without leaving my house (thank you Door Dash!).
Right now, I’m just done. I’m done with people, with humans….. I need to find a therapist to help me through this period. Just know I’m working on it. I’ll get there. But if you do not hear from me, it’s because I am trying to figure things out and heal myself.
Same lessons I speak of all my previous posts – don’t trust anyone:
Always do a background check before dating anyone.
Speak to the ex prior to engaging in the new relationship
Never co-mingle money
Please pass / forward this blog onto other women who may be going through the same thing. The more we ladies a) stick together, and b) learn from each other, the less havoc these conmen will wreak in our lives.
I’m going to bed now. Going to have a good cry, hug my new cat Josie, and hope that I can sleep as I have a shit-ton of work to do tomorrow.
WARNING – This is a very long post…. its is a 2 day adventure through a breakup with a lying, cheating narcissist. It is written 7 month post-breakup and in a journalistic format. Only truths and receipts here. I am doing this post for my Lawyer, who has asked me to put together a timeline of “how things came to light”.
So much has come out about my “relationship” with the Ex over the last 7 months. It is clear we were in two very different relationships – I was with him because I loved and trusted him, he was in it to con me out of my money. This has been the hardest for me to come to terms with – that everything he presented to me about himself and how he felt about me was false and fraudulent. I also still feel incredibly gullible for falling for it all… but my friends remind me, over and over again, that I was actively deceived and I could not have seen it coming.
You must know, first and foremost, that we had a relationship based on trust (or so I thought). We had agreed early on in our relationship that if either of us ever wanted out of the relationship OR met someone else that we wanted to pursue, we would be forthright and tell the other person. AT 50 years old, there is no reason to spend time and energy in a relationship with someone who does NOT want to be with you. So while I was away, selling my house so we could live our lives together in Mexico like we had planned in late May 2022, I had absolutely no reason to doubt him:
a) we had this agreement,
b) we communicated daily,
c) he never mentioned his new “special friend” to me, and
d) we were still talking about our future together.
With that said, this post is long and is divided into four parts:
So here goes… get some coffee, some wine, some snacks, cause here we go!
How I came to find the truth (through his lies)
I don’t even know where to begin. So much happened in the days between August 23rd and August 26th 2022. Three days is all it took to turn my world upside down. The amount of lies and gaslighting that happened is still mind-boggling to me. He kept badgering me to talk, but I knew nothing that came out of his mouth would be the truth so I kept the entire conversation in WhatsApp. And I’m glad I did because now I have proof of his depravity and active deception.
He came over to the Chandler house on August 23rd. I had driven a trailer full of stuff down from SLC (I had, after all, just sold my house and moved to Chandler). The trailer was sitting outside in the driveway (against HOA policy) because Trash’s car was in the garage. Tiny Trash was to supposed to remove his car from the garage before I arrived so I could put the trailer in the garage, but he didn’t do it. He told me he was in MX working (which was a lie). So on August 23rd he came over around 2pm-ish, walked inside without knocking, took a call with CPS, then went into the garage to get his car out of the garage. Once the car was out, he helped me back the trailer into the garage. After we completed this, we went inside to have dinner and go to bed. After dinner he sprung it on me that he was going to stay the night with his ex-wife… which is an unbelievable story. He also mentioned that he borrowed a mutual friends car…. and he also left green drink supplements at my house. These three things got me thinking… and so I began to do some investigating in the early morning hours of August 24th 2022.
Lie #1: Staying the Night with the Ex-Wife
Its not in the phone text below, but you can see below on 8/23/22 at 9:54pm he says “call me”. He had just left the Chandler house after telling me he was going to “spend the night at his ex-wife’s house“. I didn’t believe him. I called him – he told me not to worry, that I had nothing to worry about. He loved me, but that his son was NOT doing well and needed him. I called bullshit on this story. I have confirmed with his ex-wife that he did NOT spend the night at her house. She also confirmed that she doesn’t have a couch. SO he lied bigly.
Lie #2: The Borrowed Car
As you can see above, he tells me that he borrowed his friends car. I reached out to the friend. She got back to me a day later. He absolutely did NOT borrow her car — Whatever he did, I don’t care. There should be no reason to lie about this …. unless he was hiding something. Which he was.
Lie # 3: The Green Supplement Drink
Anyone who knows Tiny Trash knows he doesn’t drink anything but alcohol or water. So anyone with half a brain knows him drinking a green smoothie is a bold faced lie. “Its a cleanse and I wanted to try it” is just so ridiculous. This was when I stopped taking his calls.
His Own Comments with Mutual Friends
So given the lies above above, I was in a state of shock, but I knew there could be no good explanation for the lies. I didn’t care what he did, how he did it, when he did it. He lied to me – more than once. And no one lies unless they have something to hide.
Because I had an asset to protect, my Princesa B509 Condo, I reach out to a friend to see if she would take over managing my Princesa B509 Condo (see how he is attempting to steal my Condo here) . She let me know that Tiny Trash had let her and her husband know that we had broken up and she was sorry to hear it. I said it was news to me and asked if she would be willing to take back over managing the condo. She said yes… Then I asked her what Tiny Trash had shared with her while I was away… Boy, it was a doozy. Other friends came forward to share… and what came to light was:
Trash had told folks in my friend circle that we had broken up.
Tiny Trash was with Laura at a bar, and when my friend approached him to say hi and ask him how I was doing. Trash told my friend that he didn’t know, that I was “three girlfriends ago”.
Another friend spotted him at a table for two at our “special place”, Pane e Vino, the very same place we had our 90 day review/conversation at the end of May. We discussed how hard it had been with his son living with us, but that HE still wanted to move forward together. We agreed on the next steps in our relationship (sell my SLC house, purchase property in MX and build a house, take the RV for a month long RV trip), etc..
So basically, while I was away, following through on our agreed upon plan, Tiny Trash found himself a new girlfriend. I was devastated…. I was in shocked to my very core. I was numb. I had yet to wrap my head around what I had just done – sold my personal residence in Salt Lake City Utah, packed up myself, my cats, and HIS DOG and traveled by myself from SLC to Chandler with a car and a trailer. I gave up a good life, a beautiful home, moved to a place where I knew NO ONE except for him, only to find out that the person I did all this for was a man-child who had zero integrity or moral compass, who purposely and actively deceived me for the entirety of our relationship.
His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages
So I moved off of text and onto Whatsapp for all communication starting August 24th 2022. I would not speak to him. I did not trust anything that came out of his mouth, I wanted everything in writing. And I’m glad I did that, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do the same thing, especially if you are dealing with a liar, cheater, manipulator, and/or a violet person.
WORDS OF WISDOM: If you ever find ourself in this position, NEVER take his calls. Narcissists and master manipulators are very good at gaslighting you into thinking that you are crazy. DO NOT TALK TO THEM while you are vulnerable. Let them explain themselves in text and take your time with your responses. Use your brain, not your heart.
Here is the exchange between us, with commentary, from August 24th – 26th 2022. Tiny Trash is on the left in Grey, I am on the right, in Green. These are the exchanges, what you must know was that I was in complete shock; my body was shut down, my mind was numb… I was so hurt, just devastated… and to feel this way and continue to hear him lie, over and over again was so traumatic.
So yes, once I found out he had a whole ass girlfriend, I removed him from all my accounts (credit cards, utilities, anything that we shared) as would anyone else in this situation. He then says its “extreme” and I’m “f*king dumb” for doing this.. Really? WHO WOULDN’T DO THIS?
You will see in the next section that this is a clear lie… Trash and Lauras Relationship status on FB changed to “In a Relationship” 14 days PRIOR to this series of lies… on August 14th 2022. HE KNEW he was lying and he just kept on going… And a special sidenote that this is the exact date, August 14th 2022, is the same day that Tiny Trash asked his ex (before me) for a blowjob AT HER HOUSE in HER Master Bedroom. The Ex cleaned her house on Aug. 13th. Trash was unhappy with the service, had her come back on the 14th, where he asked her for a blowjob in the new master bedroom. So does a cheetah change their spots? Not in my book.
So I begin asking him questions. If you do not have a new GF, then why the rumors? Because rumor has it he had been all over town with her, she stayed at the house we shared Costa Diamante Mexico, he stayed with her and her kids at the Princesa Condos, they visited “our” restaurants together… Here are the two days of WhatsApp transcripts full of his lies and gaslighting.
Umm, yeah, people can and did say different. Trash and Laura were all over Princesa the entire summer. As a matter of fact, when I got back into my B509 unit, there was viagra everywhere. I knew it was his… so he had the audacity to take her to MY CONDO…. just disgusting.
And this is where it gets ugly.. trying to get my phone number back from my cheating Ex.. and him being “indignant” that I would accuse him of cheating with a “married woman”… Here it comes peeps, strap in.
Like dude, leave me alone. I said I never wanted to see you again. Do NOT come near me, ever again! Jees. A bit of history: while Tiny Trash was in Utah helping me move from July 27th through August 2nd, he purchased a car for me, a blue 2008 Audi Q8, a tire went flat….. I wanted to purchase the car on my own, but he insisted on buying it for me. I was just trying to get the flat fixed on this car that I thought was mine.
FYI – the rim was not messed up.
I’d really like to know who he thinks is “nobody” because everybody I knew in Mexico knew about Laura… The only person that did not know was ME!! So I must be the nobody he speaks of here.
In my above comment about “last weekend”, this was the weekend of Aug. 18th-22nd when we, we being Trash, myself, and his two sons, were to be at baseball games together. I later discovered he was NOT in Mexico and instead went to the games with Laura.
And here we go about getting the “real” story about Laura. He had originally told me that he had “old friends” stay with him at our Costa Diamante house (by OUR I mean the fact that we lived there together, Trash absolutely is the sole owner wrt mortgage). From what I know know, Laura was NOT an old friend, but a very new friend, that he forgot to mention to his current girlfriend, aka ME.
I have since found out that he did post on Facebook as did Laura and her friends, but he was able to block me from seeing these photos. I have friends who began sharing these photos with me, so let’s just say, that he knew at the time I didn’t know how Facebook works, but I do now. He blocked me from seeing what he was doing, period. End of story.
Yes, let’s talk about the RV. I gave Trash $6000 to pay the RV guy. Trash did NOT give the RV guy his money. He kept it for himself. So I had to pay MORE money to get the RV back from the paint guy. Just more $$ that Trash stole from me.
Just highlighted above how he said he would never mess with my phone service. I wanted to take my phone line back, but he would not let me (wouldn’t call to approve it, wouldn’t give me the code to do it myself). And he is “that way”. Within 2 weeks he had my service shut off because I would not talk to him. You can read all about it here).
So apparently Laura and all her friends knew about me, knew he loved me, and they like me (see the “Yes all of them like u”).. . I then ask for their contact details so I can confirm this. Because in a mature relationship, if they know about me, and they are “just friends”, shouldn’t I be aware of them as well? How does anyone like me if they have never met me??!?
Seeking comment from my readers: I’d like to know how many of you would be o.k. with YOUR boyfriend entertaining a new lady friend that he has NOT told you about at a party where ALL of your friends are in attendance. Rumors are flying. He is very much enjoying himself with her. And I can guarantee you that if I showed up at a party with a new guy where all his friends were, he would go ballistic. It is the double standard of a Narcissist, or a cheater in general.
Also notice how its Justine’s fault because she was ONE of the multiple people who told me. Every one of our friends was at this party, not just Justine.
So I ask him above if he took Laura to Pane e Vino, which is our special place. He knew it was our special place, which is why I asked him. His response below is “f*&k no”…. which I know is NOT true based on the first hand account of a friend.
For whatever reason, Trash continues to blame Justine for his actions, never taking accountability for his behavior.
Please note the retaliation is real. Trash has spent his entire time since August 2022 retaliating against Justine and her friends. He has publicly threatened her and her dogs, to the point she has filed a police report, added 24/7 security to her home, and faces his retribution on a weekly if not daily basis TO THIS DAY.
The going gets good here. If his behavior is so innocent, I ask to speak to Laura…. he loses it —
NOTE: That the exchange I share in the above WhatsApp message is a text exchange between Trash and a friend stating that we (he and I) agreed to not speak for 3 weeks. Which never happened. We never agreed to this, we spoke all the time. Like I mention in my comments to him is that I wanted/needed to have deeper conversations with him but he didn’t make the time. For example, the Lehi house needed a new floor, we needed to talk about it. He wouldn’t make time for this conversation SO I MADE THE DECISION myself (which of course he didn’t agree with). I figured it out later it is because he was spending all his time with Laura.
These next sets of messages get to the heart of the matter. Where he finally admits that he is “friends” with Laura. Based on what I know now, he began a relationship with Laura in June BEFORE we left Mexico. I don’t care when they started having sex. He began a new relationship with another woman and did not tell me about it FOR MONTHS. If you can’t tell your partner about a new friendship, or you have to hide a relationship from your partner, that is cheating. Period.
FYI – that picture in the whatsApp is of Trash with Laura and her friends on Aug. 22nd which you can find below in the timeline. It’s the weekend he told me he couldn’t go to the game with me and his boys because he was in Mexico. Clearly he was not in Mexico. Just another lie.
And now its my fault – He is not the liar, I am the insecure one – umm hmmm, gaslighting at it finest.
and on and on and on… until finally he admits to seeing Laura. And you know why I think he did this? Because I reached out to Laura myself to get the truth.. Did I get it from her? No, not really. Here is what I wrote Laura on Aug 25th 2022.
And here is when he finally admits to dating Laura – on August. 26th at 4:09 in the morning.
I wrote Laura back, thanking her for her help. And that was the end of the communication with Laura. She never wrote me back. I never reached out to her again. I did have to block her after she publicly stated untruths about me. She clearly is not not a girls girl and has/had no intention of being mature about the situation she and Trash created.
From what I understand, she knew Trash had a girlfriend and she didn’t care one bit. She could not have missed it when she stayed at Costa Diamante or the Chandler house – my stuff is all over the place. She is not a girls girl, not a girl who has another woman’s back. As far as I am concerned, they deserve each other.
The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life
At the end of the day, after 7 months, here is the timeline I’ve pieced together of the 3 months: June – August 2022.
June 8-12th 2022: they may have met sooner, but they definitely met at the Roger Clyne Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos concert that started June 8th 2022. I remember Tiny Trash acting weird during the concert – he kept leaving me in the VIP area while he was hanging with friends near the bands… I finally went over to see what he was up to, and he disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone (again). Then the entire weekend, he got up in the morning telling me he had to “go to work”, only to end up at Manny’s to party. I didn’t have a car and did not have a way to join him, which was probably exactly what he wanted (just another isolation tactic). Guess who is no-where in the pictures of that weekend EVEN Though I was AT THE CONCERT?? Yep, me. So based on this post and what I’ve learned from friends, I believe he planned to be with Laura and the others.. and didn’t want me to get “in the way”…. SO this is one of the reasons I think he connected with her prior to this weekend.
June 24th 2022 – he made her an admin of his FB Keepers and Creepers group. He would not let go control unless they were “close”. He did this while he was with me in Kanab UT, on our 8 week trip to move me down to Mexico. I still had no idea this “just a friend” existed. All of a sudden, June 24th, he got a big project in MX and had to leave Kanab to head back to MX on June 25th 2022. It was a lie- he was heading back to spend the July 4th weekend with Laura. It’s all just so clear now. He lived a double life and I was the sucker for trusting him, supporting him so he could live his dream of building a business down in Mexico.
July 4th weekend – Laura and her friends stayed in our MX Costa Diamante house… not “old friends” as Trash had told me. Didn’t she and others find it strange that all my stuff was there, in the master bedroom?!! They partied all weekend together… Makes me sick to my stomach to think she rummaged through my stuff and HE allowed it.
July 2022 – He blocked off my Chandler house the entire month of July. Told me it was too Hot in MX and that he wanted to spend time with his kids…. Instead, he hosted a “Singles Party” on July 10th with Laura and a few other other ladies. Charged the entire party on my credit card (over $600 in booze and food). Laura also stayed there long enough for my address to be registered to her name. I STILL get mail for her at the house (It’s now April 2023). At this time, Trash was texting me pictures of him with his family, having dinners at my place, telling me he was going to bed early…. he made absolutely no mention that his “new friend” Laura was staying at my house OR that he was using my house to host singles parties.
August 14th 2022 – The day their FB relationship status changed to be “IN a relationship” with each other. This is 4 days BEFORE he was to meet me in Chandler to go to the Baseball game with his kids and then move to Mexico. We also had a 90 day review policy. Because of this I do not think his “in a relationship” FB status on August 14th is random. It is most likely the 90 day mark as too when they started officially “seeing each other”, however they defined it, on or near June 14th. Which makes sense to me, because that was the weekend of the Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos that Trash was behaving strangely – The very same concert that I went to, that I worked side-by-side with him, that we attended together with our friends.
August 22nd – Tells me he is in MX working, which is why we could NOT go to the Baseball games with his sons. But really he is in town with Laura celebrating god knows what.
And the rest is history. The section above shares with you what happened on August 23rd moving forward. So yes, I I learned about Laura on August 24th/25th. But clearly there was a lot more going on behind my back prior to me discovering their affair.
Which leads me to the next section… Read on and learn from my mistakes folks.
Summary & Lessons Learned
Having had 7 months to recover from the shock of it all, look back at inconsistencies, have friends and acquaintances share tidbits of info… slowly but surely the truth came out and is what I’ve shared is all I know at this point.
Lesson learned: The truth will always come to light. The goal is to leave after the first offense/sign of disrespect because:
They most likely have been doing it over and over and over, they just got caught this time
Narc’s love to be friends with their ex’s and always have multiple FWB’s hanging around. Narcs love to keep their ex’s around as backup…. I learned this the hard way…. Trash has a lot of ex/FWB friends he hooked up with while we were together.. this is above and beyond the strangers he would find to bang AND in addition to Laura
Things can and will never be the same once trust is broken
If you have made it this far, congratulations. You have probably been through something similar and have spent a lot of time dissecting it in and effort to understand what happened and move on.
Final Words of Wisdom
IF you are in a relationship with a narcissist, master manipulator, gaslighter, liar, and/or cheater: get out the first time they show you who they are. If you do not they will hurt you over and over again… It took me finding out about this one girl to leave. But since I’ve been out of the relationship, I have learned that there were plenty of other women he was with besides Laura. Outside of what I’ve shared above:
He had an ongoing affair with his ex before me. Sex in my house, sex in hotel rooms, sex in Mexico, wined and dined her both in Mexico and in Arizona. You name it, they did it. He told her I was a “business transaction” and that they would get back together when he was done with me.
His truck was never in the driveway of our house in Mexico when I was away on business. He never spent the night at our house when I was not home. He was out at the bars, picking up randoms when I was out of town, taking them to his Condo or Mirador Townhouse.
Sometimes he would “work late”, but was not really working… He was actually at his condo, mere blocks away, using the owners hot tub and his condo as a “f*&k pad” while I was AT HOME TAKING CARE OF HIS SON.
There are his FWB gals that he hooks up with – he had 2-3 that I am now aware of.
Lastly, there are all the vulnerable women he preys upon in his FB Groups. He loves single women going through tough divorces… so he can swoop in and look like a hero. But in reality he is just a predator stroking his ego at someone else’s expense.
So let this be a lesson to you all that the best course of action is to BE DONE the first time you find out your partner/significant other has strayed – because you can be guaranteed that you did NOT catch him the first time.
When you find out something that breaks a boundary. Leave. It WILL NEVER GET BETTER. And once you leave, you will discover a lot more, and from what I’ve learned from the experts, what you actually learn about is only 10% of what truly went on. So if the above is only 10%…. I can only imagine what else will come to light during the civil suit discovery and trial.
I met a man we will call Trash while on vacation in Puerto Penasco/Rocky Point Mexico in April of 2021. We hit it off. We started seeing each other long distance — two weeks on, two weeks off. Every two weeks we would see each other either in my home in Salt Lake City (SLC) Utah, or at his condo in Puerto Penasco. We did this from May to December 2021.
In August/September timeframe, things were going so well, we talked about selling one of my rental properties and purchasing a property closer to Mexico (reduce travel)… So in September, I sold my Duplex and purchased a nice home in Chandler Arizona via a 1031 Exchange. I would use it mostly as an airBnB, but planned to also use it personally — to be closer to Trash and Mexico, reduce some of the travel time.
After this purchase, Trash asked me to move in with him in Mexico. I had a job where this was possible (remote work is the best!)… and I was thrilled things were going so well between us.
So in November, I started the process of turning my beloved SLC house into a short-term rental (STR). I chose to go with Evolve.com as my marketing and scheduling service and hired a property manager.
In December 2021, I packed up my RV and drove down to Puerto Penasco with my two cats Sophie and Zoey. We arrived on Dec. 23rd 2021, the day before Trash’s birthday.
We lived together in his house in Mexico… when we needed to go to the United States, we would stay at the Chandler house. Usually only a few days in-between rentals. It was a nice life. The only challenge at the time is that his 13 year old teen son was living with us.. It was a tough time for Trash and his son…. but because I had been through a similar situation with my niece, I felt that I was the perfect person for him, I understood the challenges and could be there for him.
His son left May 25th 2022. A few days later, we went to “our” restaurant and had our 90 day review (more on this later)… We agreed that things had been tough (having his son living with us was VERY challenging – he ran away, in MX, 4 times!!).. Even with the challenges, we decided we wanted to continue forward and be together. WE decided that we would not be spending time in SLC for the summer as we had originally anticipated. So together, WE made the decision to sell my SLC house. It took about a week to get it listed, and within 48 hours I had two over-asking offers. I accepted one… and WE made the plan to spend 8 weeks packing my shit up and move it to Mexico, where we would live full-time. We left Mexico in his truck, with all the pets, and headed North. We stopped in Kanab, UT for the week of June 20th to fix some things at one of my other rental properties.
Again, we were supposed to be together for the entire 8 weeks. But while in Kanab, he said he just got a big project in MX and that he needed to return to MX to get started. I support him and his work, I had no reason to believe this was not the truth. So we made the decision to divide and conquer — on June 25th, He drove back to MX by himself and I rented a car and drove myself and all the pets to SLC to begin packing/moving.
Throughout June, July, and August we were still talking, texting. We put a plan in place for him to come back out the end of July and help me move. Originally I thought he was going to drive with me from SLC to Mexico, but no.. he said another big project came up. He left SLC on August. 2nd. It was not a great visit — he was purposely picking fights about stupid stuff (more on this later)…. BUT we were still have sexy time, he bought a car for me to drive while in MX (Audi Q7 — future story), he took $2800 from me for the MX house kitchen remodel (future story).
We were to reunite on Aug. 17th 2022 in Chandler AZ. He had made plans for us to go to the baseball game with his sons…. I had taken time off of work for it.. Sometime around August 10th-14th he told me the plan was no longer in place, that he had a lot of work to do. He would see me on August 23rd. I was crushed.. Here I had been packing up and moving to be with him, and I felt like I was the only one making “us” a priority. My best friend flew out from Reno to help me unpack and deal with this very uncertain time.
So Trash finally shows up on Aug. 23rd 2022. He walks into the house, take a call with CPS (dealing with the youngest child’s antics), we cleaned out the garage, unloaded my stuff from the trailer, etc..). you know, together stuff. We talked while I made dinner…. He asked to see my phone while I was making dinner… I let him. He’s my boyfriend, I trusted him, he can see whatever he wants on my phone. Well, while he had my phone, he transferred my phone line to his Verizon plan. I did not authorize this…. and this did come to bite me in the arse. I was able to remedy the situation: How I Got My Phone Number Back from My Ex.
Anyway, on this very night, as I was cleaning the dishes and I thought getting ready for bed, out of the blue he tells me that he is going to spend the night on his ex-wife’s couch because his “son needed him”. I called bullshit on this … I asked him what was going on, to be honest with me. He reiterated his son needed him. All other times his son needed him, the son(s) came to the house. I asked why his son didn’t just come to the house. He said his son wasn’t comfortable at the house. This was strange to me as his kids just spent time at the house in July (story coming soon). He left. He called me from the car and reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.
Of course I cried. I was so sad! But my gut told me that something was not right. I didn’t know what was going on… . I spend the night doing some digging, and a lot was not as he said. I caught him in lie after lie …. he still wouldn’t admit it, even when I had factual evidence/proof.
What did I find out?
That he didn’t borrow a friends car
That he didn’t have any projects in Mexico the entire summer
The entire time I was out of town he was telling everyone that we had broken up and was flaunting a new girl all over town. He met this “just a friend” on June 10th at a concert that I WAS AT WITH HIM, 10 days before we left for our 8 week “move” from SLC to Mexico.
He blocked off the Chandler house all of July and was hosting singles parties at the house.
He had a new girlfriend and was now living with her.
Trash had been living a double life — With me, on the phone, we were very much together — I was receiving texts, calls, etc about his work activities and how excited he was for my return.. In Mexico he was living a new life with his new girlfriend Laura.…. It was beyond heartbreaking to learn of all this after everything I had just done — changed my life to be with this man, only to learn I had literally been replaced while I was away.
Everyday since Aug. 25th I have awakened to some threat or action on his part to hurt, harass, stalk, and destroy me. I will tell each story, as they unfolded chronologically and with evidence.
If anyone else has been through this, I welcome words of wisdom or references…. not just for myself, but for others that may also be going through this.
The first break-in: Chandler AZ house — Sept. 7 2022
Trash and I broke up on August 24th when I found out he was living with his new girlfriend (How I Became the Ex ). I had no idea that this was not going to be a “normal breakup”.
As you all know, I told Trash to never contact me again. I could not go no contact at this time because we needed to work through getting his stuff out of my house (story coming soon) and the Mexico condo he is trying to steal from me: Do NOT mingle finances with anyone. You will regret it.
I told him to stay away from me. That I wanted NOTHING to do with him. He didn’t listen. He kept coming to the Chandler AZ house and letting himself in. I was not going to live in fear.
So while I was in Mexico over Labor Day weekend (early September 2022) collecting my things from the house we shared in Mexico (Costa Diamante, Puerto Penasco), I hired a locksmith to change all the locks in Chandler AZ. Sept. 6th 2022 they showed up and changed all the locks. All I wanted to do was come home and prepare for my trip to Italy. I thought that if I did this, then I would be safe — I could return home, lock myself in, and not have him barging in unannounced. I could not have been more wrong about the situation.
One of the very few times I reached out to Trash first was this exchange — I just wanted him to know where to find his dog Baxter (story for another time). Instead of taking responsibility for his dog, he broke into my house — This is WhatsApp exchange with Trash on Sept. 7th 2022 — TD is the left side / grey, I am the right side / green:
To say I felt terrorized and violated is an understatement. I was shaking with fear, with anger…. He broke into my house and was squatting there. God only knows why. I called the Chandler police to have him arrested for trespassing (Chandler Police report 22–103692). He told the police he had a lease. Officer Swansen called me back and told me my only recourse was to evict him. So I did: The Eviction Process .
After a 6 week adventure through the court system, I was able to evict him. I was finally able to get back into my house on Oct. 17th 2022. He had indeed gotten in via the garage then broke through the door between the garage and house.
The break-in, the eviction judgement, and this WhatsApp exchange is part of the evidence that my Order of Protection was granted/upheld: Order of Protection Was Upheld .
This person, who had been cheating on me since BEFORE we left Mexico (and I’ve learned that he was cheating the entire duration of our relationship), and who clearly had moved on, was unhinged. I knew the violence he capable of — for months I had listened to him beat his son mercilessly (story to come). I knew his rage, and I knew he was capable of causing great harm.
Learning that the Chandler police would/could do nothing…. My heart was racing, I did not know what to do…. I knew I was not safe in the USA. I cried, I got mad at myself for being such a fool, for being so naive…. Then I drank some wine and made some decisions:
I needed to stay in Mexico with my friends. I had zero friends in Chandler/Phoenix. And the police could do nothing to protect me.
I cancelled my trip to Italy and visit with my parents (I was scheduled to leave Sept. 11th 2022).
I began searching for attorneys in the Chandler/Phoenix area. The one I found told me I was in danger and advised strongly that I not come back to the USA for any reason.
Thank god, at this point, from a work perspective, I had two weeks scheduled vacation. This gave me time to deal with this. I thought that two weeks was enough time. I was so so so wrong.
I was terrified. I had no idea what could or would happen. I have NEVER felt more unsafe and alone in my life. Ever. But it was about to get much worse as my no contact would enrage him so much that a week later he drove down to Mexico and broke into my condo: Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #2 .
I have no lessons learned on this one. Just be careful out there.
A week from Monday my life changes – I officially start my new job! It is a big deal because a) I am temporarily relocating to the Bay Area, and b) I am transitioning into a new role. I am not looking forward to being back in the Bay Area BUT I am excited about:
My manager… She has many years of experience as a manager and running a global organization. She knows her shit AND she is cool beans. I am looking forward to working with someone I can learn from (finally).
The industry…. the industry is changing and I will be a part of of the transformation. My company is kick-ass and I am thrilled to be working with them to change the face of the industry, and becoming an industry expert in the process.
the role… I love putting things together. My new role is all about putting pieces of the puzzle together, for prospects and customers, and seeing a solution come to fruition. This makes my heart sing. 🙂
Even with all of this positive energy, I am also experiencing melancholy and loss.
I am melancholy about leaving (temporarily) my life here in Utah. I love it here. I love being close to AbFab and her family and the Utah community has been kind to me. Even though I do not know many of my neighbors, I feel looked after and cared for. People are watching and I like that. Here are a few examples:
When I am away, people take my trash and recycling out to the curb.
When there is a heavy snowfall, someone snowplows my driveway. I don’t ask for it, people don’t ask for recognition, they just do it. I’d love to thank them, but I don’t know who they are.
I know these are small things, but I did not experience this in CA in the last 10 years I was there. Even when I lived in my house.. and when I was a renter… forget about it. This small acts of kindness make me feel better, and have had a positive influence on me – I feel they make me a more aware, kinder person. I remember these acts of kindness and it makes me smile and pass it onto others. All around, moving to Utah has been a very positive experience for me.
The loss is Baby Boy. Baby Boy is the cat I rescued from AbFab’s family after their tragedy. I loooooovvvee him so much. He is my favorite cat – so easy to love, such a sweet, caring, lovebug… BUT I am overwhelmed with the chaos that will become my regular life… Sophie and Zoey (babies I adopted in 2005/2006) are used to the travel and chaos, Baby Boy is not. Because of this, I made the decision to find Baby Boy the forever home he deserves. I found a home for him with a wonderful woman and her sidekick, an adorable cat-loving dachshund named Tucker. Based on the pictures I have received, he loves his new mom…. but he isn’t so fond of Tucker. Tucker attempts to play with him but Baby Boy will have nothing to do with him. So sad. 😦 I am in constant communication with his new mom – we will monitor his progress. If he does not acclimate by mid-February, I will take him back. For now we are crossing our fingers that Baby Boy will learn to love Tucker and all will be good. Here is a picture of my little angel. He is the best cat in the world.
I am heartbroken about my loss.. He is so lively, so personable, so loving. I am devastated. I’ve been crying for 5 days straight now. I’m crying right now as I write this post. It feels awful, not natural to not have Baby Boy near me. A piece of me is missing, my heart is truly broken. But a new, loving, stable home is what is best for Baby Boy so I have to move on.
So through my tears, I am packing up, organizing my stuff, covering as much of my furniture as possible (remodels are messy), and prepping the cats for the drive/change. I will be driving to CA with the cats early this week. Yes there is a lot of weather – wind and snow – I am keeping an eye on the weather and will make the journey when it is the most safe.
I will speak more to the job and the Utah house remodel in the upcoming months.
I’m always looking for feedback – Please share what you have done to better enable yourself for a new life.. or how you have dealt with the loss of a loved one… I would greatly appreciate any/all feedback, guidance, and words of wisdom.
Wow. Just got off the phone with my mom. The call did not go well. My relationship with my parents has not been easy. Lots of ups and downs. My parents basically have two families – My Twin and I, and then my other sisters who are 9 and 11 years younger. I do remember things being great until my sisters came along.. then it all went to hell. 😉
A week ago my mom had a disagreement/confrontation with My Twin sister… My Twin and my mom walked away from this conversation with very different views. I don’t agree 100% with either of their perspectives, I feel that I have an in-between view so I tried to bridge the gap. My attempt was disastrous.
My parents were much more strict with My Twin and I – the rules were much more rigid and the punishment much more severe. They are and have been much more lenient with my younger sisters. Right or wrong, it is the way that it is. My parents are good people. They did the best that they could. But that doesn’t take away the fact that their treatment of each of us was and is very different. And when you treat your kids so differently it creates animosity. ADDITION: Perceived favoritism has long term impacts on adult children.
My mom got very angry. In a very angry voice she told me that she and my dad did the best they could. Accused me of “jumping on My Twin sister’s bandwagon” (playing victim), and being judgmental. She said they help all their kids no matter what and that will never change.
I told my mom that I know that she and dad did the best they could, but that doesn’t change the experiences that My Twin and I had… I then said that the best way to deal with differing perspectives is to talk about it, so that we could better understand the bigger picture.. She did NOT agree. Said that she doesn’t owe My Twin and I any explanations, then basically hung up. I do not want my mom to feel bad, but her anger doesn’t change feelings.
My mom and dad did their best. I am proud of them. They have gone through a lot and I respect that they want to help their children. But what if one kid takes more than the other? Helping one child over an over again can take away from time with the other children. It is a fact of life – you only have so much time and energy. The fact is that my parents continue to help my 36-year-old sister takes away from the time and energy my mom has to spend with the rest of her kids. Example, my sister has lived with my parents for 18+ years. She still lives with them – my sister, her husband, and her 3 kids. My mom takes her 10-year-old to school and babysits the 3-year-old everyday. My parents, who have been retired for 3 years, just went on vacation, away from their own home “to get away and relax”.
My parents have not been out to see me in CA in over 4 years. Yep. 4 years. Yes I have invited them, even offered to pay for them to visit. They have yet to fit it into their schedule.
I feel like giving up. I feel like I spend a lot of time trying to have a relationship with my parents. But the relationship feels one-sided for the most part. If this was a love relationship, we would have broken up long ago. I do love my parents, it would be nice to have a more balanced relationship. Even without my sister sucking up all their time and energy, I am not confident that they would desire such a relationship. Makes me sad.
Anyone else have a complicated relationship with their parents?
ADDITION: Sibling Favoritism. This is the issue. My perception is that my mom loved my youngest sister best, the sister who still lives at home is my dads favorite. My Twin and I had each other. It always felt as if my parents were a family with my sisters and My Twin and I were the odd ones out. Advise on the web is to “get over it”… not exactly sure how one does this.
I just completed the last day of my yoga retreat in Ixtapa Mexico. I am in transit – heading back home to Northern CA. I’m sad to be leaving….
First, Ixtapa Mexico is a wonderful place. The people are great, the town is far less developed (touristy) than other cities in Mexico (Cabo, Cancun, etc). I have always wanted to visit Ixtapa/Zihuatanejo and I’m glad I did – it is awesome. I’ve always wanted to visit because it is where Andy Dufrane escapes to in the movie – Shawshank Redemption. And when his best friend Red gets out – he shows up too. I think of Zihuatanejo as the Mecca to my favorite movie. This place is great.
Second, one of my favorite people opened her world up to me. I got to spend time with her and meet all her friends. It’s a precious thing when the people you like want to share special people and moments. When she told me about the retreat I was sold… I booked it right away – some 7 months ago – and now the trip is over….. 😦
I will do my best to summarize –
The instructor is simply amazing. I LOVE Kundalini yoga. I have not been able to find a yoga class or instructor that incorporates Kundalini, the breath, flow, and meditation in a class. The yogi – Jorge Luna– has me in love with yoga again. His Yoga was a great combination of breath/connection (Kundalini) , stretch/movement/flow (Vinyassa), and fun! Yes, remember when exercise was fun, not a task/to-do/chore? Uh-hum mm, those days. I loved every day of class. And he has inspired me to re-launch my search for a yogi in my area that inspires me to get my ass out of bed on a weekend.
The people are just like me… But not. Yep, all of these amazing people from all walks of life – different backgrounds, cultures, color, sex, gender preference.. You name it, it was in the mix. No matter what was shared/observed, there was nothing but openness to learn, to understand, and to enjoy. I realize this may sound “zen like”, but it’s true. Most of these people only see each other when on this trip – and they attend this retreat year over year to see their friends again. It is a great group of amazing people from all walks of life.
The location – Las Brisas Resort– a beautiful natural preserve. The hotel is a mere 15 minutes from the airport… It has a natural environment – it feels like you are in a rainforest, not in a Ritz Carlton. It was very clean but not manicured. The pools were great and the beach was amazing. The food was really good for an all-inclusive resort and they have some top notch restaurants available on premises. The rooms were spacious and the resort was completely full two nights during my stay and it did not feel crowded at all. My only complaint is that I wished they would turn off the pool fountains so we could hear the ocean from the pool… I know right, first world problems.
Would I go again? Absolutely. I will definitely go on the next trip – if they will have me (Ask me about the “gummy experiment”). I do hope I get an invite the next time around!!
2015 was NOT a good year for me. This only means that in 2016 there is no where to go but up. For a summary of my goals and results, take a look at 2015 Year In Review.
The two biggest downers –
1- I lost my job. I put all my energy into work and it resulted in absolutely nothing. Actually, it’s more than nothing – I gave up everything to make work work. I had one date all year, on Dec. 28th no less. I wanted more than anything to succeed professionally. Not this year.
I am so done with 2015. I am all about 2016 – and 2016 is all about me. I will focus on doing what is absolutely best for me. Outside of me, I will be spending time with AbFab and family… I am on polishing up my 2016 New Years resolutions and will share them when they are complete. Some good stuff around exercise and stress management, but there will be a few surprises around real estate. I am excited about what I can do this year – I hope it is worth the wait for you.
Family – AbFab’s husband lost his legs in a work accident. Here is a news video of how he survived – inspirational. They are both so strong, so resilient. The kids – Mayonaise and Shanaynay are doing well and they love their dad with or without legs.
Travel – I had an opportunity to go to Turkey and I did it. I went to Turkey for 10 days with one of my best friends – Unicorns. She suggested it one week, we booked our tickets the next week, then we left the next week. Impromtu. It was one of, if not the best trip I’ve ever taken. More on this later.
Work – not going well at all…the product doesn’t work and leadership is lacking – in both inspiration and direction. Every team works in silo’s – Sales selling product we don’t have, Product delivering product that doesn’t work. Since I work with customers every day, I feel the chaos. These people, our customers, put their careers on the line to purchase and adopt our technology. And we consistently let them down.
So, I’ve made a decision. I made it a few weeks ago, but I’ve been letting it stew in my brain for a bit before making it a reality. I am resigning. I will let my manager know on Friday. My last day will be Nov. 13th. I am resigning before having another job. My plan is to get centered again. This will include spending time with myself, getting healthy, traveling, and reconnecting with family and friends.
Not only will I be starting an exercise regimen, I will be traveling. I plan to go back to Istanbul during the Thanksgiving holiday. Then I plan to spend a few weeks in Utah with AbFab and her family. I will also see my twin sister and my parents. My goal during this time away from work is to focus on me and doing what makes me happy. And in my spare time I will look for work.
I am aware that this is extremely risky. But I am burnt out. I may just do some consulting work and continue to think well into 2016… Only time will tell what opens up to me. But I’m not doing “this” again – busting my ass for a company that doesn’t appreciate the work that I do. I will not make myself physically sick with stress and work overload. I WILL find a great company, that has great leadership, and that will appreciate my skills, abilities, and what I bring to the table. That’s it. Until this time, I will find consulting jobs that will support me. That is my decision.
So yes, I am throwing caution to the wind and moving forward with what my heart is telling me is the right thing for me. Although I am tidying up things around the house and checking out local yoga studios, I will officially begin my journey of self-rediscovery on Nov. 2nd with Oprah and Deepak 21 day meditation series – Become What You Believe. I plan to update this blog very regularly as I go through my reinvention – writing thoughts down really helps me.
If any of you have ever done this before, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what worked, what didn’t.. Or if you haven’t, I’d love to hear what you would do if you made such a decision – would you travel, stay at home, visit with family, friends, etc… ?
My next blog will be about my experience in Turkey – which I loved – both the country and the people.
Just a few short months ago I was hanging out by a pool, relaxing, and putting off my work stress for the day. It’s been a ridiculous journey and has only gotten worse. Which is why I haven’t written – as my parents taught me, if I don’t have anything nice to say, it’s best to say nothing. So I’ve written nothing.
Work stress has been overwhelming. So much so that my Dr. says that I will need medication if I do not control it. So I’ve been meditating and medicating to help myself deal with the high level of stress. I do NOT want my adrenals to shut down and require prescription drugs for the rest of my life.
But now a family tragedy has pushed my work stress out of my mind. My nieces husband was in a work accident and has lost both of his legs. Yes, his legs are gone. He is still in intensive care and is headed into his 3rd surgery tomorrow.
I HATE being so far away. I do not like that I’m not able to be there, to help, to support, to do anything, even if it’s just sitting with my niece at the hospital. I feel so helpless.. She has so much family around her now she has requested that I come out in 2-3 weeks… which of course I will.
I have set up a gofundme for them here – https://www.gofundme.com/newlegsforjohn – please donate and/or share this URL with others. Any little bit helps. The way I figure it, if 1000 people donate $50, AbFab’s family will have enough financial support to get them through the next year without worrying about losing their home.
I’m not sure what else to say. Except that all the whining I’ve done over the last 3 years has me feeling spoiled and ungrateful. Life does suck sometimes and it will toss a whammy or two my way, but at least I have my limbs. I now have a new perspective …
I’m sure my new-found perspective will get me writing again.
This is my diary of the wildlife where I live in Oxfordshire, and sometimes the places I visit. I am a 18 year old young naturalist with a passion for British wildlife, especially Badgers and Hares. I have been blogging since May 2013 and you can read my old blog posts at www.appletonwildlifediary.blogspot.co.uk