New Year’s resolutions aren’t just words on paper for me; they’re a promise to myself to steer my life in the direction I choose. I firmly believe that I am the captain of my own ship, responsible for charting my course through life.
Navigating The Storm
The past two years, 2022 and 2023, were a tumultuous journey. Discovering that my boyfriend was leading a double life shattered my world. Dealing with the ensuing violence, harassment, and smear campaign left me drained and exhausted. When faced with the decision to settle the civil suit, it was a tough call. I wanted Trash to be finally be held accountable for what he did. I believed strongly that I would win. While a huge part of me yearned for justice, the emotional toll of having my past haunt me was unbearable. But the toll/weight of having Trash in the backgound of my life was no longer serving me.
Choosing Peace Over Justice
Ultimately, I chose to settle. I also made a conscious decision to focus on peace, gratitude, and self-care. Last year was both financially and emotionally draining. But the lessons I’m taking away from my experience are invaluable. As I step into 2024, my goals are clear:
Practice self-care and kindness towards myself.
Find something to be grateful for every day.
Embrace simplicity.
Avoid drama at all costs.
Four months into the new year, my perspective has transformed. My life is on an upward trajectory, filled with real smiles, hearty laughs, and newfound friendships that uplift me. I feel like the confident, self-assured person I was before the piece of human garbage entered my life.
Unexpected Blessings
As my energy shifted, the universe responded in kind.
First, when Trash sold the home Mexico home we lived in, the home was sold with items he stole from me. I never thought I’d get them back. However, the new owners found out about the situation and returned some belongings that Trash had taken. I was able to get rid of the cheap shit Trash put in the Mexican condo and replace it with my nice leather couches and expensive work desk. While not everything was recovered, It was their kindness that has restored my faith in humanity.
Second, I landed a new job with a European-based company known for valuing its employees. My manager and mentor are inspiring women who empower me. The remote nature of the job allows me to continue living anywhere I want while offering the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world. I am so grateful to have the freedom to live my life on my terms.
Rediscovering My Passions
Travel. Last year I felt so overwhelmed by the mere thought of travel. Not anymore – I now eagerly embrace the adventures awaiting me. This year I will attending a friend’s wedding in Portland, yachting in the Mediterranean Sea, and basking in the sun in Cabo San Lucas. My travel plans are brimming with excitement. Traveling has transformed from a daunting task into an adventure I look forward to.
Crafting. My love for crafting has also reignited. Whether it’s small trinkets or intricate projects, the joy of creating unique pieces fills me with joy. I’m thrilled to dive back into crafting and craft more one-of-a-kind treasures.
Cooking. My passion for cooking faded away in 2022. I didn’t have the drive or ambition to do it. I didn’t feel like eating either – which worked out well for a while until I lost too much weight. However, that spark has returned with a vengeance. I relish searching for recipes, shopping for fresh ingredients—especially here in Mexico—and whipping up delightful meals to share with friends. While I don’t cook as frequently as before given my parents are no longer around the corner to test/savor my creations, the joy of cooking has returned, making each meal a special occasion.
Reconnecting with Loved Ones
After spending 2022 and 2023 in self-imposed isolation, I’m reconnecting with old friends and rebuilding the cherished relationships that were temporarily set aside due to feeling so overwhelmed. I recognize now how essential these connections are to my well-being.
This year, I’m making a conscious effort to reach out to the people who matter most to me, reigniting bonds that time and distance had strained. Additionally, I’m prioritizing spending quality time with my parents, cherishing moments that were once taken for granted.
In a serendipitous twist, the universe reunited me with my youngest sister. After two decades of no contact, she reached out, and I couldn’t be more grateful. We’ve been catching up, and it’s been a joy getting to know her all over again.
A New Chapter Begins
As I reflect on my journey, it’s evident that removing toxic influences and focusing on self-care, gratitude, and minimal drama have been transformative. I’ve rediscovered passions, rebuilt cherished relationships, and embraced new opportunities that align with my values and aspirations. Heading into the rest of 2024, I am optimistic and excited about the possibilities that lie ahead, confident in my ability to navigate life’s challenges with resilience, grace, and joy.
Ever faced a storm of betrayal so fierce that it led you to the doors of justice? I have! As you know I filed a Civil Suit against Trash, but there is not a “one stop shop” post that speaks directly to the what and why of it all. This post is my journey through the twists and turns of this legal battle in my pursuit for justice and restitution.
In December of 2022, I initiated a Civil Suit for Fraud and Theft, thrusting myself into a legal battle that sought to unveil the deceit that defined my relationship with Trash. The case encapsulated three critical elements:
Fraud. His deception extended beyond mere betrayal, involving a sham down payment for a condo in Mexico. As the relationship unraveled, he clung to ill-gotten gains, refusing to return a substantial $130k deposit or remove his name from the condo contract.
Theft. The fallout of our breakup extended beyond emotional scars, manifesting as the unlawful pilfering of over $12,000 worth of my belongings from my Arizona home. Seeking justice meant not just reclaiming possessions but also recovering from the emotional toll.
Punitive damages. Lies and deception became the architect of my major life decisions. The court, I believed, would recognize the gravity of the deception and award punitive damages.
The year 2023 became a battleground where justice was sought through the civil court system. In my quest for resolution, this post is divided into several digestible sections, each unraveling a distinct aspect of the tumultuous journey:
In the aftermath of discovering Trash’s betrayal, I faced a stark choice: to walk away or confront the storm of deceit head-on. The path of least resistance was clear—he could have spared us both the agony and financial burden by doing the right thing. The simple and most reasonable solution was for him to remove his name from the Mexico condo contract, return what he stole (part 1 – art, part 2 – household goods) and reimbursing me for expenses I would not have otherwise incurred had he just been honest with me about what he wanted. Alas, simplicity was not in his playbook.
All I did was walk away, seeking solace in the aftermath of lies, deception, and betrayal. I wanted nothing more than to sever ties and move on, leaving Trash to navigate his newfound ‘happily ever after” with is new “soulmate” Nurse N’Poop. Yet, he opted for a more tumultuous route, dragging us both into the throes of a legal battle costing tens of thousands of dollars.
The timeline tells the tale:
August 2022: The shattering discovery of deception led to my decision to part ways, documented in raw and emotional posts here and here.
September 2022: Trash’s transgressions escalated as he forcibly entered my Arizona home, leaving a trail of theft amounting to over $22,000.
October 2022: Legal intervention became imperative, leading to his eviction and a judgment for $11,053.00 in damages.
November 2022: Seeking protection from his actions, I secured an Order of Protection, accompanied by a judgment for Legal Fees totaling $3,932.50.
December 2022: Despite every opportunity to do right, Trash refused to return the $130k loan for the Mexico Condo, leaving me no choice but to file a civil suit.
My sole recourse became the legal system—a decision not made lightly but driven by the necessity to safeguard my assets and reclaim what was rightfully mine. Late in December 2022, I initiated the Civil Suit, embarking on a journey to reclaim not only possessions but a some semblance of justice in the wake of deception.
Read more about Civil Suits and the Arizona legal system here.
The Process – Preparing for Trial
Let me just start and say that civil suits take fooorrreeevvveeerrrr. Years. The journey through the legal process was a labyrinthine expedition, marked by hurdles and unforeseen challenges. There are 6 major steps in any civil suit:
When I filed and Trash was notified, the case was sent to the court. Steps 3 and 4 is what I went through in 2023.
The first was collecting and preparing all the documentation for Discovery of Evidence- This phase is where I submit evidence to support my claim and Trash submits evidence to dispute my claim. When Trash did submit his response, he basically perjured himself by creating the fabricated invoice to “make up” for the $130k he owed me for the Mexican Condo. I provided evidence that his invoice was a fake – This should have been the time that his lawyer fired him as a client.
During the Discovery phase is also when people can be subpoenaed for depositions. My lawyer and I were planning on both subpoenaing Nurse N’Poop for testimony re: their relationship (dates and times were critical in my case) AND knowledge of the stolen items AS WELL AS modifying the lawsuit to include Nurse N’Poop as a Defendant because I could prove she was in possession of stolen goods. That’s right, Trash furnished Nurse N’Poops house with MY (and Lola’s) stuff. If she didn’t know already, she was about to become VERY AWARE that her house is furnished with ex-girlfriends’ belongings.
Attempt At Settlement – It was clear after receiving this invoice that we were going to trial. But with the civil suit exceeding $200k, mediation is a mandatory step. Yet, the wheels of justice turned agonizingly slow – mediation was scheduled 4 months after discovery and almost a year after the initial filing – scheduled for November 3rd 2023.
2023 was a tough year – I was literally just trying to keep my head above water:
Juggling Responsibilities: Balancing a demanding full-time job while grappling with the intricacies of the legal battle demanded resilience. Each day brought a new set of challenges that required both mental and emotional fortitude.
Collecting the Arsenal: Spare moments were transformed into a relentless pursuit of documentation. Armed with evidence, I aimed to bolster my case and prove the validity of my claims. The meticulous compilation of information was both a necessity and a strategic move in the legal chess game.
The Constant Harassment and Bullying: The aftermath of the breakup manifested in relentless harassment and systematic bullying orchestrated by Trash. In a blatant violation of the US Order of Protection, my existence was haunted by a series of confrontations and hostilities.
Surviving a Year of Harassment and Turmoil:
Wire Fraud: 2023 kicked off with a bout of wire fraud in January.
Dealing with DirecTV, Chandler Police, and the Arizona District Attorney: Navigating the intricate webs of communication with DirecTV, local law enforcement, and the Arizona District Attorney consumed the the entire year, focusing on issues of identity theft.
Dealing with the Bank re: Credit Card Fraud: The struggle extended into the financial realm, with the need to untangle the web of credit card fraud, an ordeal that persisted from January through June.
AirBnB Woes: The harassment only continued… in July Trash falsely reported my AirBnb Mexican Condo listing as a fraudulent. Everyone knows that AirBnB customer service is horrific… it was soooo painful to get my condo listing reactivated. I never did get the cancelled reservations back, losing income because of Trash’s actions.
As the calendar finally turned to November 3rd, 2023, and the mediation session loomed, I found myself at the crossroads of exhaustion and determination, clear on what I wanted from all of this – I wanted what was rightfully mine and I wanted peace.
The Outcome – Closing This Chapter
The much-anticipated mediation session unfolded throughout November 2023 – a lengthy process that spanned three weeks and involved a staggering 26 hours of mediation, with the mediator charging $600 per hour($15,600 in total). This financial investment, coupled with my own lawyers legal fees, marked a substantial cost for seeking resolution.
The negotiation was a battlefield in itself, with approximately 6 hours dedicated to discussions about the condo, return of stolen items and financial reimbursement for legal fees, replacement items, and repairs for the damage Trash did to my home . However, a significant chunk—20 hours—was spent on negotiating the terms of what I could and could not reveal about the settlement. It was a surreal that the main component of the settlement involved silencing my voice, as Trash aimed to shield friends and the public from the truth so he could continue to lie, cheat, and steal without consequence.
I am NOT able to speak about the terms of the settlement, only that a settlement has been reached. The finalization of everything came in early January 2024, and the court record show the case was officially dismissed on February 8th 2024.
The question is —am I content with the outcome?
The truth is both yes and no.
Yes – The resolution brings me some joy and satisfaction as I achieved a paramount goal: putting an end to this ugly chapter in my life. As 2023 ended, I wanted to step into the new year unburdened by the shadows of harassment, bullying, and intimidation. I had a very strong case, with significant evidence to back up my claims, but at the end of the day, the case would have drug on for another 1-2 years. I did NOT want that. Thus, I made the decision to settle, not out of contentment but out of a fervent desire to sever all ties from Trash and the past.
No – because at the end of the day, Trash and men like him are never held accountable for their actions. They continue to hurt people, steal things, and never face the consequences for their actions.
Entering 2024, I carry the scars of this legal battle, but the mess is finally behind me. In the upcoming posts, I will delve into my plans for the year— I want nothing to do with Trash, so unless he acts up and does something stupid, there will be no more posts about him and the past. My focus is to thrive in 2024. Stay tuned for more on this journey towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding after the storm.
The Civil Suit Components
Fraud, Theft, and Punitive Damages were the crux of the civil suit. See details of each below.
Fraud
Protecting a Dream, Unveiling Deceit
The centerpiece of the legal battle was my cherished condo in Mexico. To shield this prized possession, I took two crucial steps:
Order of Possession in Mexico: A strategic move to secure my rights over the condo, which proved successful in the legal arena: MX Order of Possession Update
Fraud Civil Suit in the USA (Arizona): A decision born out of necessity as negotiations with an injured Narcissist is not possible. The resolution would have to be settled in a court of law – aka the Civil Suit (settlement reached, this post).
The Condo: A Broken Agreement
Trash and I embarked on a shared venture, a 50-50 partnership in a Mexican condo, envisaging mutual investment and shared responsibilities. However, the reality deviated dramatically:
Offer Made, Agreement Broken: The agreement to evenly split costs and returns took a sharp turn a day before closing, thrusting me into an unexpected financial quandary.
Extortion Unveiled: Post-breakup, seeking the return of the $130k loan was met with laughter and an audacious demand for $150k cash, a stark act of extortion.
Proving Fraud: Unveiling the Lies
Confidence in my case surged when I uncovered a critical piece of evidence during the arduous task of removing Trash’s belongings from my home after the eviction:
The Unseen Paper: A 2021 Summary Statement from Trash’s stock account, dated January 2022, became the linchpin of the fraud case. With a mere $91k, not the required $130k, it laid bare the intentional deception.
Serving Justice with His Own Documents: Trash’s stock account became the key instrument of justice. The very document he left behind was now the linchpin to expose the financial falsehoods.
This paper, a single document, stood as a testament to his clear intention to deceive me – which is clearly fraud:
His initial statements during the purchase process were false and misleading.
Trash made the statements KNOWING it was false and misleading.
His statements led me to enter into the transaction.
I have suffered harm as the result of his misrepresentation.
Trash stock account w/o enough $$ to pay for his 1/2 of the condo.
NOTE I would have thrown everything out after the eviction was complete, but my lawyer said the courts would look favorably upon me returning “items of meaning” to him. So I had to go through all of his shit, including boxes and boxes of documentation that he left at my house after the eviction… It was a horrible task to do at that time. But I did it and found multiple pieces of documentation that would support my case. Trash is too lazy to take his stuff, but fully capable of stealing my stuff. Serves him right that his very own stuff be used against him in court.
Theft
In the aftermath of the breakup, the betrayal extended beyond the confines of our relationship. While squatting in my Chandler home, Trash engaged in a brazen act of theft, leaving an indelible mark on my personal space and well-being. If the criminal courts were not going to hold him accountable, I was going to do it via the civil court system. Trash was nothing but a criminal and I wanted it called out in the civil case so that he could be prosecuted.
The Pilfered Art and Priceless Memories
Artwork: Among the stolen treasures were pieces of artwork, each carrying its own story and sentimental value. The loss transcended mere monetary worth, striking at the heart of cherished memories and personal expression. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal What You Love — Part 1.
Daily Essentials and Critical Items
Anything and Everything that was mine. The theft extended to everyday household items. Again, he left his items at my house and instead chose to steal all my stuff. Items including furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, short term rental supplies such as cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, etc. and more. NONE of which he paid for. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal Whatever They Want – Part 2.
Each item I had paid for. And I was forced to repurchase everything, forcing me to suspend renting the home until I could get it back to a rentable condition, thus significantly impacting me financially.
Punitive Damages
The repercussions of Trash’s deceit transcended financial losses; they reshaped the very fabric of my and my parents life. Each decision based on his lies altered the course of our lives in ways we could never have foreseen.
The Domino Effect of Deception
Selling the Salt Lake City House: At a crucial juncture when decisions were being made based on a shared future, the sale of my Salt Lake City house unfolded under the shadow of deception. I would NEVER have sold my home had I known about his new girlfriend, his affair with Lola, or any of his other affair partners (FWB – Friends with Benefits girls, random girls he picked up and f*&ked). I would have just left Mexico, gone back home to Salt Lake City, and let that be the end.. The sheer fact that he deceived me when making the decision to sell in May, receiving and accepting the offer in June, then closing in late July… NOT ONCE did he mention that he didn’t want to be with me, that he had acquired a new girlfriend, that he was still sleeping with his ex Lola, etc. This level of deceit should be illegal and he should pay for the consequences of his deception.
Relocation to Arizona: The plan was to move permanently to Mexico, a decision WE CAME TO TOGETHER, grounded in the belief of a shared future, never materialized. Instead, I ended up moving to Arizona into the home I purchased sight unseen as a short-term-rental. I never wanted to live in Arizona…. But here I am, living in a state I have yet to fall in love with, where I had ZERO friends…. being forced to “start fresh” in a location that was not of my choosing. The only reason I am in Arizona is because of Trash’s active and calculated deceit, which he should pay for.
The Unraveling of Plans
Parental Displacement: The decision to uproot their lives was not just a physical relocation but a separation from the familiar, fun get-togethers we had on a weekly basis. In all honesty, I feel he stole from me the ability to be close to my family. We both now live in places, many states away, and are only able to see each other once or twice a year, vs. weekly. I miss them so much, it is heart-breaking.
The Sale of the St. George Condo: The decision to part with a beautiful condo in St. George, Utah, was not just a financial transaction. It symbolized the relinquishing of dreams and the surrender of a cherished sanctuary in exchange for creating a shared future with Trash. My parents and I loved this condo, we were there quite often…. but it didn’t “fit” within the plans Trash and I had made, so I/we made the decision to sell. Mind you, while we discussed this, he was still having sex with his ex, Lola. The betrayal and deceit was organized, planned, and intentional.
The Price Beyond Dollars
Beyond the tangible financial losses, the toll on our emotional well-being was immeasurable. The weight of decisions made under false pretenses is something I felt the court and/or jury would see and agree – thereby rewarding punitive damages in the $100’s of thousands of dollars.
As I sought punitive damages in the civil suit, it was not merely a pursuit of reparation for financial losses but a quest for acknowledgment of the profound impact on lives, relationships, and the very essence of what home and family mean to me.
Life Beyond the Settlement
Entering 2024, scars of the legal battle remain, but the mess is behind me. In upcoming posts, the focus of this blog will be about living and thriving in 2024, leaving Trash and the past behind me. The journey continues towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding myself, my savings account after the horrible storm.
Join me on this journey as we turn the page, closing this chapter and embracing a new chapter full of hope, joy, travel, and fun with family and friends.
Narcissists are the most evil human beings on the planet. They do not care about anything or anyone but themselves. They typically live double lives, one with you, and the other full of over-indulging in their vices – sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.. The nex, Tiny Trash, had a double life – To me, he portrayed a man in a committed, loving relationship, full of promise, a future that included travel, early retirement, and marriage….. what I discovered after The Discard is that none of this was real – he was living a double life and was NOT the person he presented to me.
As I write this – a year after we left Mexico to move out of Utah and permanently to Mexico, 10 Months after Discovery Day – August 24th 2022. So much has come out about his double life. It’s still shocks me that any human being is capable of such deceit. I was naive – I had NO IDEA monsters like him existed. Even though HE cheated on me, was sleeping with his Ex, AND had another girlfriend, he became unhinged when I broke up with him:
he is trying to extort money from me (ongoing)- wanting $100k to remove his name from a condo that he didn’t contribute a dime to.
The list goes on and on… I still can’t make sense of it, but I don’t think us normal human beings can ever make sense of someone who behaves and treats people in such a cold, callous, and calculated way.
1 year of chaos. 10 months of insanity. What a roller coaster.
I’m moving forward now. No clear picture what the future looks like for me, I’m still taking life one day at a time. I am not all healed up, I still have a long way to go. But I know, for a fact, that I would NOT be this far along if it were not for my friends, especially Justine, Nadine, and Mary in Mexico. They picked me up off the floor on an daily basis in the early months:
Justine: for the guidance and constant pushes to protect myself and the condo in Mexico. I now have legal possession of MY condo in Mexico. I would NOT have this if it was wasn’t for Justine. She helped me navigate MX processes (who knew that the CFE (electric company) is the MOST IMPORTANT account you could have?).. So many other ways she supported me, all while dealing with Trash and his constant retaliation and harassment against her and her husband.
Nadine: who introduced me to the US legal system as well as narcissism. Her daily reminders to get a lawyer and protect myself. Which I did – the US civil suit was filed in December 2022. Coming to my condo with love, support, and food when I couldn’t get out of bed. Hugs from Nadine are the best.
Mary: who was the shoulder I cried on countless times. She was the safe place for me to be raw and vulnerable. I cried a lot… I was in shock, so numb… Mary helped me get out of the fog and helped me to start feeling my feelings again. She helped me see that I was being too nice, and that getting angry, really angry is a good thing.
I am where I am today because of these ladies. I am forever grateful for their love, support, and guidance. It truly took a team to keep me moving forward in the early days.
In honor of them, I have created a new page dedicated to helping others through their recovery: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse . I don’t want anyone to feel alone or have to navigate the aftermath of such betrayal on their own.
So whats next? Legally I have to protect myself and get back what is rightfully mine. So I have two lawyers helping me navigate the legal system:
Mark Tucker for the USA Civil Suit I filed against Tiny Trash for fraud and deception.
Rogelio Freaner in Mexico re: the Order of Possession for condo that I paid 100% for.
For now, my next step is to compartmentalize my life: Work, Lawsuits, and Healing.
Work: Focus on work so I have a paycheck to pay for lawyers.
Lawsuits: I have so much to do wrt the US Civil suit, so much documentation and evidence needed… I will be sharing more about these suits with you in future posts.
Healing: I’m focusing on learning to trust myself again. I didn’t see this whole thing coming. I thought things were good… I’m trying to figure out why my intuition didn’t scream at me when I needed her most. Send any/all recommended readings my way…
WARNING – This is a very long post…. its is a 2 day walk through of a horrible breakup with the lying, cheating ex-boyfriend, whom I’ve come to learn is a sociopathic narcissist. It is written 7 month post-breakup and in a journalistic format. Only truths and receipts here. I am doing this post for my Lawyer, who has asked me to put together a timeline of “how things came to light”.
Overview
So much about my “relationship” with Trash has come to light over the last 7 months. It is clear we were in two very different relationships – I was with him because I loved him, trusted him, and thought we wanted the same things – work hard for an early retirement, have a loving, committed relationship. He said he wanted these things and behaved in a manner that lead me to believe he wanted these things as well. But it was a con – He was mirroring me – I can only assume to con me out of my hard earned money. This has been the hardest for me to come to terms with – that everything he presented to me about himself and how he felt about me was false and fraudulent. I also still feel incredibly gullible for falling for it all… but my family and friends remind me, over and over again, that I was actively deceived and I could not have seen it coming.
You must know, first and foremost, that we had a relationship based on trust (or so I thought). We had agreed early on in our relationship that if either of us ever wanted out of the relationship OR met someone else that we wanted to pursue, we would be forthright and tell the other person. AT 50 years old, there is no reason to spend time and energy in a relationship with someone who does NOT want to be with you. We had 90 day reviews to make sure we were still on the same page. We shared what went well; what wasn’t working, and we made plans to do more of what was great and change the things that didn’t work for us. This is why it NEVER occurred to me he was lying, cheating, or living a double life. Long story short, while I was away, selling my house so we could live our lives together in Mexico like we had planned in late May 2022, I had absolutely no reason to doubt him:
we had this agreement,
we communicated daily,
we were still talking about our future together,
I was not aware of any new “special friend”‘s
With that said, this post is long and is divided into five parts:
So here goes… get some coffee, some wine, some snacks, cause here we go!
How I Discovered the Truth
I don’t even know where to begin. So much happened in the days between August 23rd and August 26th 2022. Three days is all it took to turn my world upside down. The amount of lies and gaslighting that happened is still mind-boggling to me. He kept badgering me to talk, but I knew nothing that came out of his mouth would be the truth so I kept the entire conversation in WhatsApp. And I’m glad I did because now I have proof of his depravity and active deception.
He came over to the Chandler house on August 23rd. I had driven a trailer full of stuff down from SLC (I had, after all, just sold my house and moved to Chandler). The trailer was sitting outside in the driveway (against HOA policy) because Trash’s car was in the garage. Trash was to supposed to remove his car from the garage before I arrived so I could put the trailer in the garage, but he didn’t do it. He told me he was in MX working (which was a lie). So on August 23rd he came over around 2pm-ish, walked inside without knocking, took a call with CPS, then went into the garage to get his car out of the garage. Once the car was out, he helped me back the trailer into the garage. After we completed this, we went inside to have dinner and go to bed. After dinner he sprung it on me that he was going to stay the night with his ex-wife… which is an unbelievable story. He also mentioned that he borrowed a mutual friends car…. and he also left green drink supplements at my house. These three things got me thinking… and so I began to do some investigating in the early morning hours of August 24th 2022.
Lie #1: Staying the Night with the Ex-Wife
Its not in the phone text below, but you can see below on 8/23/22 at 9:54pm he says “call me”. He had just left the Chandler house after telling me he was going to “spend the night at his ex-wife’s house“. I didn’t believe him. I called him – he told me not to worry, that I had nothing to worry about. He loved me, but that his son was NOT doing well and needed him. I called bullshit on this story. I have confirmed with his ex-wife that he did NOT spend the night at her house. She also confirmed that she doesn’t have a couch. SO he lied bigly.
Lie #2: The Borrowed Car
As you can see above, he tells me that he borrowed his friends car. I reached out to the friend. She got back to me a day later. He absolutely did NOT borrow her car –Whatever he did, I don’t care. There should be no reason to lie about this …. unless he was hiding something. Which he was.
Lie # 3: The Green Supplement Drink
Anyone who knows Trash knows he doesn’t drink anything but alcohol or water. So anyone with half a brain knows him drinking a green smoothie is a bold faced lie. “Its a cleanse and I wanted to try it” is just so ridiculous. This was when I stopped taking his calls.
His Own Comments with Mutual Friends
So given the lies above above, I was in a state of shock, but I knew there could be no good explanation for the lies. I didn’t care what he did, how he did it, when he did it. He lied to me – more than once. And no one lies unless they have something to hide.
Because I had an asset to protect, my Princesa B509 Condo, I needed someone to manage it while I sorted everything out (see how he is attempting to steal my Condo here) . She let me know that Trash had let her and her husband know that we had broken up and she was sorry to hear it. I said it was news to me and asked if she would be willing to take back over managing the condo. She said yes… Then I asked her what Trash had shared with her while I was away… Boy, it was a doozy. Here story was consistent with others that I spoke with. What came to light was:
Trash had told folks in my friend circle that we had broken up.
Trash was with Nurse NincomPoop (aka N’Poop) at a bar. A friend approached Trash to say hi and ask how I was doing. Trash told my friend that he didn’t know, that I was “three girlfriends ago“.
Another friend spotted him at a table for two at our “special place”, Pane e Vino, the very same place we had our 90 day review/conversation at the end of May. We discussed how hard it had been with his son living with us, but that HE still wanted to move forward together. We agreed on the next steps in our relationship (sell my SLC house, purchase property in MX and build a house, take the RV for a month long RV trip), etc..
So basically, while I was away, following through on our agreed upon plan, Trash found himself new supply. I was devastated…. I was in shocked to my very core. I was numb. I had yet to wrap my head around what I had just done – sold my personal residence in Salt Lake City Utah, packed up myself, my cats, and HIS DOG and traveled by myself from SLC to Chandler with a car and a trailer. I gave up a good life, a beautiful home, moved to a place where I knew NO ONE except for him, only to find out that the person I did all this for was a man-child who had zero integrity or moral compass, who purposely and actively deceived me for the entirety of our relationship.
His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages
So I moved off of text and onto Whatsapp for all communication starting August 24th 2022. I would not speak to him. I did not trust anything that came out of his mouth, I wanted everything in writing. And I’m glad I did that, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do the same thing, especially if you are dealing with a liar, cheater, manipulator, and/or a violet person.
WORDS OF WISDOM: If you ever find ourself in this position, NEVER take his calls. Narcissists and master manipulators are very good at gaslighting you into thinking that you are crazy. DO NOT TALK TO THEM while you are vulnerable. Let them explain themselves in text and take your time with your responses. Use your brain, not your heart.
Here is the exchange between us, with commentary, from August 24th – 26th 2022. Trash is on the left in Grey, I am on the right, in Green. These are the exchanges, what you must know was that I was in complete shock; my body was shut down, my mind was numb… I was so hurt, just devastated… and to feel this way and continue to hear him lie, over and over again was so traumatic.
So yes, once I found out he had a whole ass girlfriend, I removed him from all my accounts (credit cards, utilities, anything that we shared). He then says its “extreme” and I’m “f*king dumb” for doing this.. Really? WHO WOULDN’T DO THIS?
You will see in the next section that this is a clear lie… Trash and Nurse N’Poop) Facebook Relationship Status changed to “In a Relationship” 14 days PRIOR to this series of lies… on August 14th 2022. HE KNEW he was lying and he just kept on going...
SIDE STORY: On August 14th 2022, Trash asked his ex Lola for a blowjob AT Nurse N’Poop’s HOUSE in her Master Bedroom. Lola cleaned her house on Aug. 13th. Trash was unhappy with the deep clean (something about baseboards), had Lola return on the 14th. Now that the furniture was in the house, why not ask your ex-girlfriend for a blowjob in the new girlfriends master bedroom????
Yeah, met the girl of his dreams. Sure. (Insert eye roll emoji here).
So I begin asking him questions. If you do not have a new GF, then why the rumors? Because rumor has it he had been all over town with her, she stayed at the house we shared Costa Diamante, he stayed with her and her kids at the Princesa Condos, they visited “our” restaurants together… Here are the two days of WhatsApp transcripts full of his lies and gaslighting.
Umm, yeah, people can and did say different. Trash and Nurse N’Poop were all over Princesa the entire summer. As a matter of fact, when I got back into my B509 unit, there was viagra everywhere. I knew it was his… so he had the audacity to take her to MY CONDO…. just disgusting.
And this is where it gets ugly.. trying to get my phone number back from Trash. and him being “indignant” that I would accuse him of cheating with a “married woman”… NOTE: Nurse N’Poop filed for divorce late May 2022. So technically married yes, sleeping around while her divorce was moving through the court systems, also yes. How do I know – It’s public record.
Here it comes peeps, strap in.
Like dude, leave me alone. I said I never wanted to see you again. Do NOT come near me, ever again! Jees. A bit of history: while Trash was in Utah helping me move from July 27th through August 2nd, he purchased a car for me, a blue 2008 Audi Q8, a tire went flat….. I wanted to purchase the car on my own, but he insisted on buying it for me. I was just trying to get the flat fixed on a car that I thought was mine.
FYI – the rim was not messed up.
I’d really like to know who he thinks is “nobody” because everybody I knew in Mexico knew about Nurse N’Poop… The only person that did not know was ME!! So I must be the nobody he speaks of here.
In my above comment about “last weekend”, this was the weekend of Aug. 18th-22nd when we, we being Trash, myself, and his two sons, were to be at baseball games together. I later discovered he was NOT in Mexico and instead went to the games with Nurse N’Poop.
And here we go about getting the “real” story about Nurse N‘Poop. He had originally told me that he had “old friends” stay with him at our Costa Diamante house (by OUR I mean the fact that we lived there together, Trash absolutely is the sole owner wrt mortgage). What we know now, Nurse N’Poop was NOT an old friend, but a very new friend, that he did NOT mention to me, his current girlfriend.
I have since found out that he did post on Facebook as did Nurse N’Poop and her friends, but he was able to block me from seeing these photos. I have friends who began sharing these photos with me, so let’s just say, that he knew at the time I didn’t know how Facebook works, but I do now. He blocked me from seeing what he was doing, period. End of story.
Yes, let’s talk about the RV. I gave Trash $4000 to pay the RV guy. Trash did NOT give the RV guy his money. He kept it for himself. So I had to pay MORE money to get the RV back from the paint guy. Just more $$ that Trash stole from me.
Just highlighted above how he said he would never mess with my phone service. I wanted to take my phone line back, but he would not let me (wouldn’t call to approve it, wouldn’t give me the code to do it myself). And he is “that way”. Within 2 weeks he had my service shut off because I would not talk to him. You can read all about it here).
Trash claims Nurse N’Poopand all her friends knew about me, knew he loved me, and they like me (see the “Yes all of them like u“).. . I then ask for their contact details so I can confirm this. Because in a mature relationship, if they know about me, and they are “just friends”, shouldn’t I be aware of them as well?
So for those interested, here is a picture of Trash at the party with Nurse N‘Poop.. Canoodling was definitely had. She was his guest at the party. So he knows these pictures exist, he knows I have them, and he STILL denies it. SMH.
Seeking comment from my readers: I’d like to know how many of you would be o.k. with YOUR boyfriend entertaining a new lady friend that he has NOT told you about at a party where ALL of your friends are in attendance. Rumors are flying. He is very much enjoying himself with her. And I can guarantee you that if I showed up at a party with a new guy where all his friends were, he would go ballistic. It is the double standard of a cheater.
Also notice how its Justine’s fault because she was ONE of the multiple people who told me. Every one of our friends was at this party, not just Justine.
So I ask him above if he took Nurse N’Poop to Pane e Vino, which is our special place. He knew it was our special place, which is why I asked him. His response below is “f*&k no”…. which I know is NOT true based on the first hand account of a friend.
For whatever reason, Trash continues to blame Justine for his actions, never taking accountability for his behavior.
Please note the retaliation is real. Trash has made it his mission to constantly harass Justine and her husband since August 2022. He has publicly threatened her and her dogs, to the point she has filed a police report, added 24/7 security to her home, and faces his retribution on a weekly if not daily basis TO THIS DAY (Updated January 2024)..
The going gets good here. If his behavior is so innocent, I ask to speak to Nurse N’Poop… he loses it —
NOTE: That the exchange I share in the above WhatsApp message is a text exchange between Trash and a friend stating that we (he and I) agreed to not speak for 3 weeks. Which never happened. We never agreed to this, we spoke all the time. Like I mention in my comments to him is that I wanted/needed to have deeper conversations with him but he didn’t make the time. For example, the Lehi house needed a new floor, we needed to talk about it. He wouldn’t make time for this conversation SO I MADE THE DECISION myself (which of course he didn’t agree with). I figured it out later it is because he was spending all his time with Nurse N’Poop.
These next sets of messages get to the heart of the matter. Where he finally admits that he is “friends” with Nurse N’Poop. What I know now, he began a relationship with Nurse N’Poop in June BEFORE we left Mexico for Utah. I don’t care when they started having sex. He began a new relationship with another woman and did not tell me about it 3 FOR MONTHS. If you can’t tell your partner about a new friendship, or you have to hide a relationship from your partner, that is cheating. Period.
FYI – that picture in the whatsApp is of Trash with Nurse N’Poop and her friends on Aug. 22nd which you can find below in the timeline. It’s the weekend he told me he couldn’t go to the game with me and his boys because he was in Mexico. Clearly he was not in Mexico, he was with his new supply.
And now its my fault – He is not the liar, I am the insecure one – umm hmmm, gaslighting at it finest.
Just want to make it very clear to everyone – finally, we agree that it’s over (above). This is August 25th at 9:44pm. A mere 11 days AFTER he and Nurse N’Poop make things official.
and on and on and on… until finally he admits to seeing Nurse N’Poop. And you know why I think he did this? Because I reached out to Nurse N’Poop myself to get the truth.. Did I get it from her? No, not really. Here is what I wrote her on Aug 25th 2022.
And here is when he finally admits to dating Nurse N’Poop – on August. 26th at 4:09 in the morning.
I wrote Nurse N’Poop back, thanking her for her help. And that was the end of the communication with the floozie. She never wrote me back. I never reached out to her again. I did have to block her after she publicly stated untruths about me in the Facebook Group “Are we dating the same guy – Phoenix“. She clearly is not not a girls girl and has/had no intention of being mature about the situation she and Trash created.
I now understand that Nurse N’Poop knew Trash had a girlfriend and she didn’t care one bit. She could not have missed it when she stayed at Costa Diamante or the Chandler house – my stuff is all over the place. She is not a girls girl, not a girl who has another woman’s back. As far as I am concerned, they deserve each other.
The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life
At the end of the day, after 7 months, here is the timeline I’ve pieced together of the 3 months: June – August 2022.
June 8-12th 2022: they may have met sooner, but they definitely met at the Roger Clyne Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos concert that started June 8th 2022. I remember Trash acting weird during the concert – he kept leaving me in the VIP area while he was hanging with friends near the bands… I finally went over to see what he was up to, and he disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone (again). Then the entire weekend, he got up in the morning telling me he had to “go to work”, only to end up at Manny’s to party. I didn’t have a car and did not have a way to join him, which was probably exactly what he wanted (another isolation tactic). Guess who is no-where in the pictures of that weekend EVEN Though I was AT THE CONCERT?? Yep, me. So based on this post and what I’ve learned from friends, I believe he planned to be with Nurse N’Poop and the others.. and didn’t want me to get “in the way”…. SO this is one of the reasons I think he connected with her prior to this weekend.
June 24th 2022 – he made her an admin of his FB Keepers and Creepers group. He would not let go control unless they were “close”. He did this while he was with me in Kanab UT, on our 8 week trip to move me down to Mexico. I still had no idea this “just a friend” existed. All of a sudden, June 24th, he got a big project in MX and had to leave Kanab to head back to MX on June 25th 2022. It was a lie- he was heading back to spend the July 4th weekend with little miss Nurse N’Poop. It’s all just so clear now. He lived a double life and I was the sucker for trusting him, supporting him so he could live his dream of building a business down in Mexico.
July 4th weekend –Nurse N’Poop and her friends stayed in our MX Costa Diamante house… not “old friends” as Trash had told me. Didn’t she and others find it strange that all my stuff was there, in the master bedroom?!! They partied all weekend together… Makes me sick to my stomach to think she rummaged through my stuff and HE allowed it.
July 2022 – He blocked off my Chandler house the entire month of July. Told me it was too Hot in MX and that he wanted to spend time with his kids…. Instead, he hosted a “Singles Party” on July 10th with Nurse N’Poopand a few other other ladies. He charged the entire party on my credit card (over $600 in booze and food). Look at the dates — July 10th to be exact — Trash was texting me that he loved me and sending me pictures of him with his family, having dinners at my place, telling me he was going to bed early….
he made absolutely no mention that his “new friend” Nurse N’Poop was staying at my house OR that he was using my house to host singles parties.
Clearly his intention was to deceive me about what he was doing. No way would I have allowed him to have a pool party AT MY HOUSE with his nasty ass girlfriend.
Rumor has it that Trash and Nurse N’Poop were talking about moving in together – into MY HOUSE. She was there long enough for my address to be registered to her name. I STILL get mail for her at the house (It’s now December 2023).
August 14th 2022 – The day they decided to mark the beginning of the relationship. Now they didn’t do it on this day, they waited until the day after the 2nd breakin to publicly share their relationship status on FB. On Sept. 14th both Trash and Nurse N’Poop changed their relationship status to “in a relationship” with each other, but back dated it to August 14th 2022. I do not think his “in a relationship” FB status as of August 14th is random. It is most likely the 90 day mark as too when they started officially “seeing each other”, however they defined it, in early June. Which makes sense to me, because that was the weekend of the Circus Mexicus concert at Banditos (June 8th-12th) where Trash was behaving very odd.
So many lies….. it truly is hard to comprehend how many lies he told.
August 22nd 2022 – Tells me he is in Mexico working, which is why we could NOT go to the Baseball games with his sons. But really he is actually in Arizona with Nurse N’Poop. celebrating god knows what.
September 14th 2022 – the day their FB relationship status changed to be “IN a relationship”. 24 hours AFTER he broke into my Condo. They back dated their relationship to August 14th 2022.
And the rest is history. The section above shares with you what happened on August 23rd moving forward. So yes, I I learned about Nurse N’Poop. on August 24th/25th. But clearly there was a lot more going on behind my back prior to me discovering their affair.
Which leads me to the next section… Read on and learn from my mistakes folks.
Summary & Lessons Learned
Having had 7 months to recover from the shock of it all, look back at inconsistencies, have friends and acquaintances share tidbits of info… slowly but surely the truth came out and is what I’ve shared is all I know at this point.
Lesson learned: The truth will always come to light. The goal is to leave after the first offense/sign of disrespect because:
They most likely have been doing it over and over and over, they just got caught this time.
Narc’s love to be friends with their ex’s and always have multiple FWB’s hanging around. Narcs love to keep their ex’s around as backup…. I learned this the hard way…. Trash has a lot of ex/FWB friends he hooked up with while we were together.. this is above and beyond the strangers he would find to bang AND in addition to Nurse N’Poop. He is a walking STD/STI.
Things can and will never be the same once trust is broken.
If you have made it this far, congratulations. You have probably been through something similar and have spent a lot of time dissecting it in and effort to understand what happened and move on.
Final Words of Wisdom
IF you are in a relationship with a sociopath, narcissist, master manipulator, gaslighter, liar, and/or cheater: get out the first time they show you who they are. If you do not they will hurt you over and over again… It took me finding out about this one girl to leave. But since I’ve been out of the relationship, I have learned that there were plenty of other women he was with besides Nurse N’Poop. Outside of what I’ve shared above:
He had an ongoing affair with his ex, Lola. Sex in my house, sex in hotel rooms, sex in Mexico, wined and dined her both in Mexico and in Arizona. You name it, they did it. He told her I was a “business transaction” and that they would get back together when he was done with me.
His truck was never in the driveway of our house in Mexico when I was away on business. He never spent the night at our house when I was not home. He was out at the bars, picking up randoms when I was out of town, taking them to his Condo or Mirador Townhouse.
Sometimes he would “work late”, but was not really working… He was actually at his condo, mere blocks away, using the owners hot tub and his condo as a “f*&k pad” while I was AT HOME TAKING CARE OF HIS SON.
There are his FWB gals that he hooks up with – he had 2-3 that I am now aware of. I’ll be writing on this topic soon.
Lastly, there are all the vulnerable women he preys upon in his FB Groups (Keepers and Creepers and Chandler Arizona Adventures). He loves single women going through tough divorces… so he can swoop in and look like a hero for installing locks, Ring doorbells, and hanging TV’s. But in reality he is just a predator stroking his ego at someone else’s expense.
So let this be a lesson to you all that the best course of action is to BE DONE the first time you find out your partner/significant other has strayed – because you can be guaranteed that you did NOT catch him the first time.
When you find out something that breaks a boundary. Leave. It WILL NEVER GET BETTER. And once you leave, you will discover a lot more, and from what I’ve learned from the experts, what you actually learn about is only 10% of what truly went on. So if the above is only 10%…. I can only imagine what else will come to light during the civil suit discovery and trial.
On January 31st, 2023, I received a call from Bank of America. Trash had wire transferred money into my account from his Wells Fargo account and it was flagged as fraudulent. Bank of America was calling me to get my approval to return the funds. Of course I said yes. The agent that called me did not have details on why the transfer was marked as fraud, and gave me the Bank Of America business account fraud department number (1–800–729–9437 option 2,3,3)to call to get more details. (Case # redacted as to not reveal my identify).
So today, Feb. 3rd 2023, I called Bank of America Business checking Fraud department to get more details about the wire fraud.
Here is the timeline:
1/19/23 — Trash wire transferred $3500 from his Wells Fargo account to my BofA business checking account. Here are the details from my Bank of America statement:
1/30/23 — Trash then called his bank (Wells Fargo) and reported wire fraud on the transaction that HE INITIATED. Bank of America has the following note from Wells Fargo (the remitter): “Please return payment per fraud”.
1/31/23 — My bank, Bank of America, called me and told me the transfer had been flagged as fraud and was seeking my approval to return funds. Of course I gave permission and the funds were returned the very same day. Here are the details from my Bank of America statement:
What in the sand hill is going on? Why would he do this? And what is the significance of the dates January 19th and 30th 2023? Was he trying to hide money? Was he trying to set me up as perpetuating wire fraud? He has not reported this to the police as no officer has called me from Gilbert Police to seek an explanation.
But for now, be very very very aware that retaliation is real — they will do whatever the can to hurt you. I have reported this incident to my Lawyer as well as the Chandler police (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify).
If anyone has been through this and can explain the significance of doing this, please comment. I just have no idea why someone would do this 5 months post-breakup.
Lots of thoughts going on in my brain… I’m struggling a bit these days… here is why.
Dating. Feeling Foolish. I just found out from a very reliable source that Italian Stallion was indeed dating others. I feel foolish for trusting him. Makes me feel gullible. Now I get why we never went out in public.. why he broke up with me when and how he did.. as I hear more about him and his antics, I realize that I was foolish and naive. Bums me out. Not that I’m upset that we are not together, I’m upset that people are no longer trust-worthy. They don’t deserve trust or the benefit of the doubt. My heart tells me that people are innocent until proven guilty. But this is just not reality – I have to assume that people are guilty until proven innocent. It’s so opposite of my personality… Makes me want to crawl into my own space and not deal with people.
Dating. ATrain. Went to the Bahamas with ATrain (more on this soon) and he suggested that we get back together. Damn straight I’m a great partner. I’m angry and frustrated that he didn’t see it before…. Can I get over the fact that he didn’t see it when we were together? Can I really start over fresh with him? It really doesn’t help that he is pouring it on thick while I’m dealing with my Italian Stallion experience (above). There are things I want, things that I shared with him, all have to do with feeling secure and stable:
Living space. I want to live with my partner. For us, we would need at least a 3/2 and some significant change (i.e. ATrain puts everything on the countertops.. a messy countertop drives me insane… insane I tell you. I cannot focus if there is shit on the counter.).
Security. We either get married or I have that same security through documentation. I don’t want to worry about where my next meal is coming from.
Status. he needs to be divorced. No more excuses.
But when I think about it, really think about it, there are a few things that I want that I have not admitted to or shared out loud. If I’m going to have it all, here is what I would add to the list:
Child. I want one. Doesn’t have to be a baby.. but a child. That I can raise. It is not about giving birth, it is about having an experience and a positive impact in this world. But is this even reasonable? I am almost 45…and I do love my sleep. I want this, but only if I have a great partner. Doing it alone is not for me.
Work Part Time. Especially important if I have a kid. I do not want to deal with unrealistic expectations and unreasonable hours.
Freedom. I want a partner for life. But I also want the freedom to experience others once in a while. I’m not sure that monogamy is possible… so many cheaters.. why be a cheater when you can be honest and up front with a partner? Is this possible – to make an agreement that is amenable to both parties re: sexual liaisons?
I know. These others are very big deals and difficult to discuss… I am not sure how important they are to me until I meet a partner that is worthy of having this discussion with.
Work. New Adventure. So I found a new job. I signed the employment agreement last week. I officially start in June but will be doing some work prior to starting. Ever since this happened, I am experiencing anxiety. I did so much due diligence on the company and the leadership team, I cannot imagine that this is why the anxiety has kicked in. I think that my last job really had a negative impact on me. I’m lucky I have a few months to get over whatever is going on….
Family. As you all know my family has been through a lot in the last 6 months. Things are smoothing out… AbFab is speaking with her mother again, the girls have seen their Grandma again… My twin is doing very well. The cats are healthy for now.. My parents are my parents – retired and loving it.
Not sure what else there is to share… I’m exhausted and need to go to bed. Please share your journey and/or thoughts.
What I’m about to share it true. It happened to me this morning at 10am PST.
In a previous post, I shared how a recent relationship ended. Today I had coffee with the Italian Stallion so there are a few more details to share.
First, I wanted to meet with him because I had a suspicion that he wasn’t being fully truthful and it was bothering me. I also wanted to learn from this experience. At the end of the day, I do want a long-term partner at some point in my life.
Second, I forgot to mention, which a friend tells me it was a huge miss, that Italian LOVED to talk about how much $$ he has… How he takes care of people with his money (his kids, ex-wife, lovers, hotel staff, friends, strangers, etc..). How I would never have to worry about money if we got together… Anyway, a great example, his car collection. I do not care about cars.. At all. All I care is that it gets me from point A to point B without incident. I don’t care if it’s a 1979 Datsun or a 2016 Tesla. Anyway, Italian Stallion would talk about his cars… He has 2 cars and 2 trucks. One of his cars is a Ferrari or Maserati… He drove it (like a maniac I might had) on our 2nd date. Parking was difficult so he parked it in a no parking zone. I told him we had time to find a legal spot and that I didn’t mind walking.. He said “if I can afford this car, I can afford the ticket or the tow. Now let’s go.”
Ok. Back to today. I meet him at Peet’s Coffee. He walks in while I’m ordering a coffee… He comes over to me, has a huge smile on his face which was cute and disarming, leans over and kisses me on the cheek. I offer to buy him a cup of java and he accepts. We get our coffee and sit down. I thanked him for meeting with me…. I then told him I wasn’t upset or angry but I wanted to have an adult conversation about our relationship and breakup.
My first question for him had to do with his method of breakup – Why did he decide to break up with me over text? I told him that I thought he had more integrity/class than that so his method of text surprised me. I suggested that he easily could have called me to discuss on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or even Wednesday. He did NOT answer the question. He reiterated to me that I have been gone too much over these last 3 months and that he has spent far too much of this time “waiting” for me and that he doesn’t need to be waiting around for me when others are “aggressively pursuing him”.
My second question for him was about his level of interest – I just didn’t see or feel that he was in it to win it. I responded accordingly. I gave him 3-4 examples that stood out to me:
Drugs, and Dancing. In the first month of our relationship he went to Mexico for 5 days with a friend and ended up spending the entire time with a group of girls, which he bought coke for. They danced and drank together for 5 days. He was so wrecked when he got home he needed 3 days to “dry out” before he was back to normal. My point to him was two-fold: 1) would he be happy if I hung out with guys who bought me coke and I danced with them all night every night? And 2) if I was important to him, wouldn’t he have been in better shape when he saw me? Like be excited to come home and see me and maybe cut back on the drugs and booze on the last night? Maybe? And I only know all of this because he told me. I did not ask, he shared all of this freely, and not just with me, but with my friends as well.
My Family. the fact he never asked about my cats, who we all know are my fur babies. Not once. Why Ab Fab is so important to me?
My Career. The fact he never wanted to understand or talk about why I am on a 6 month hiatus from work?
Friends. He met mine… Why did we not go out with his friends? He spent a lot of time with “his buddies”… And I never met a one. Is the term “buddies” mean that he has another date?
I admit that while these things were occurring I DID NOT say anything. I just shrugged my shoulders and accepted it… Again, it’s because I didn’t think he was serious, I wasn’t serious, so none of these things really matter if the relationship is not long-term.
I did tell him I thought the breakup was ironic given that I’m around the entire month of April AND most of May AND I go back to work and have a regular schedule in June…. He started in with “it’s timing” and “I was gone too much” … Yada yada… I did not tell him that the breakup seemed pre-mature at best, and potentially an excuse for another reason.
At the end of the day, he never really answered any of my questions, but my theory is that he had a date last Saturday night and things went well. My guess is that he would never have called/texted me again IF I hadn’t reached out. Which doesn’t bode well for his character.. But I would say this is more the norm. Remember Mr. Showtime back in 2011 here and here?
But the story gets better.
As we were talking, we were laughing, joking, having a good time. We do get along well. He is a fun guy-life of the party, center of attention. He then told me that I have beautiful eyes and a contagious smile and that I light up any room I walk into (I know, super sweet). THEN he says that when he watches me smile and laugh he gets hard. Then he asked me IF I WANTED TO TOUCH IT. I know. Wait, there is more. He then reached out, touched my hand, and …… asked me if I wanted to go to his house and fool around.
Yep, just let that sink in for a minute. This happened in a flash at a Peet’s Coffee.
I light-heartedly told him “not now”… There is not a chance in hell that I’m going to ever have sex with him (see reasons why here), but IMO mens ego’s are less bruised when they hear “not now” vs. “no”.
You would think that is enough.. but wait, there is more! He then proceeds to tell me that he wants to be friends, he would still like to do things together because I’m a cool and fun girl, and:
That we should stay friends because I’ve never met anyone like him.. (which is true)
How lucky I am that he is so vocal in bed – because it shows that he is having a great time and it’s a complement to how good we are together.
And he would be open and available for me to come over to his house and fuck him anytime.
I know. A person like this does exist on this planet. I have seen it for my own eyes. At the end of the day, I will continue to be his friend (we have a lot of mutual acquaintances). He is a fun guy. My gut feeling is that I won’t see him again… He isn’t going to reach out to me ever again, and I have zero plans to check in with him. It was as smooth a breakup as you can have. All egos in-tack, no one damaged or worse from the experience.
And there you have it folks, the end of a romantic relationship.
I met a guy in early January. We dated. We moved to the friend zone this morning. Here is what transpired.
I met “Italian Stallion” online.. He didn’t want people to know that so we say we met at Trader Joes. We meet for drinks – we click. He wines and dines me 2 more times.. He says he wants to take it to the next level. What he means is he wants to have sex. I’m not ready, but hey, a girl needs some real action every now and then so I opted in.
CAUTION: The next few paragraphs contain slightly graphic sexual content. Yes, I am including the juicy bits. You are welcome.
We continued to see each other casually. We went out a few times a week when I was in town*. *=take note of this, it will come into play in the very near future. Going out consisted of me meeting him at his house, him sticking his tongue down my throat upon entry, having sex (he couldn’t wait, that’s how he “connects”), then sitting around watching movies like an old married couple.
While in this 3 month relationship I spent a lot of time away. After all, I am “temporarily retired” and I like to do things. I spent a few weeks in Utah, went to Yoga Retreat in Mexico, spent 2 weeks in the Bahamas (more on this coming)… Italian Stallion would text/call every now and again, but certainly not consistently.
The sex was also not that great for me. Here are a few reasons why:
His penis is not that big. And this wouldn’t be a problem IF he didn’t talk about how big it was all the time. It worked, he knew what to do with it, but it wasn’t big. All I could think about when we were having sex is about all the girls he’s been with that have told him he is huge, when in fact, he is average. And who was I to burst his bubble? Hard to focus on having an orgasm when I’m thinking about the mans penis size and all the other girls who have supported his belief that he is well endowed.
He is a dirty talker. He loved to talk dirty, in public and in the bedroom. Which is fine, to each their own. But when you are having sex with someone and they use statements like “gimme that pussy” or “come to Pappa” or “Who’s your daddy” (he is 60-something so it’s kind of creepy) or “fuck that cock, yes, fuck that big cock“. Anyway, I wasn’t able to get into a rhythm because I was too busy wondering where he picked up these statements and if other women were actually turned on by this.
He has loud orgasms. As you would expect, someone who loves to talk dirty in bed is also very expressive when he orgasms. I am on the Chelsea Handler team where men should watch themselves in a mirror and ask themselves if what they see is what they want to bring into the bedroom. She does a hilarious bit about this in her Uganda Be Kidding Me standup routine (out on Netflix). You can go here and see a less dramatic version of it during an interview – http://teamcoco.com/video/chelsea-handler-sex-rules. When he was ready to “explode” he would start to scream at the top of his lungs, “NO, NO, NO…. Then more softly yell yes, yes yes “…. And a few other choice words while in the euphoric state.
In this case, between his size, his dirty talk, and the sound and fury of his orgasm, it was all just too distracting for me.
Ok. Enough of that. Here is how the breakup happened.
I returned from the Bahamas last week and wanted to see him. Actually, I didn’t really care if I saw him again but since we were dating I thought it was best if I put in some effort. So I called him on Wednesday. He didn’t have time to see me until Friday. I met him at his house, we had dinner, sex, and a movie. When I left his house on Friday he felt much better and connected again. He even texted me Saturday morning – his exact words – “It was great seeing you last night. I had a great time and I hope you did too”.
He had plans on Saturday so he said he would call me on Sunday. He didn’t call. I spent the day with my friend at the pool, asking for advice on how to break up with Italian Stallion. So many ways to do it… Some suggestions were hilarious. I’ll save this for another post too.
Anyway, I finally reached out to him Tuesday evening via text – said I hoped he had a nice weekend and that I missed him. I didn’t really miss him, but isn’t that what you say when you are dating someone? He responded by text the following – He said that things “broke” between us when I went to the Bahamas and he couldn’t get it back… And that we should date other people and just be friends.
Personally I think he had a date Saturday night and it went well… I’ve asked to meet him to discuss.. Only because I want to ask questions and get a better understanding. I never got the feeling he was serious.. I thought we were just casual and in no way did I think we were exclusive. Anyway, we are scheduled to meet this Friday for coffee. Interesting how things play out isn’t it? I got my breakup without having to be the heavy. 🙂
That my friends is what a 3 month relationship looks like. I will update this post IF I do indeed meet with Italian Stallion on Friday.
I would have written this weekend but I was tied up – with the flu, food poisoning, or some sort of stomach ailment that caused me to spend the weekend a) in fetal position, and b) the requirement to be in very close proximity to a clean and working toilet.
Maybe I had a few hallucinations, or maybe I’m just learning from my experiences, but here is where I’m at:
30 minute workouts are perfect for me. By the time I realize I’m working out, the workout is over. I could probably go 45 minutes with the same attitude.. But for now I’m signed up for three 30 minute fat blast sessions a week. I go in the mornings. I’m loving the instructor, the class, and don’t mind the 15 minute drive to a fro.
Regularity is gods gift. Too much is… well, is too much. Not enough is painful. My newfound love for daily movements is here to stay.
Being a “working stiff” isn’t a bad thing. It is hard to deal with when amongst the non-working crowd yes. I have not mastered how to gracefully make this work. I have spent the last few years feeling insecure about being a “working girl” when I was hanging with all the folks who didn’t work. Why? BECAUSE I couldn’t relate – and truth be told, I am envious. I want to spend more time reading books, napping, taking vacations, seeing the world. But I can’t. At least I cannot right now.
I’m starting to feel less envious and less bad about where I’m at. It is NOT bad. It IS what it is. I am where I am. It’s not where I would like to be, but I have 110% control of where I want to go next. So I think I may be done with my pity party and onto my next adventure, which right now is cooking Thai food. Which by the way, tastes much better when someone else is cooking it for me or tasting it with me.
As you all know, one of my new years resolutions is to stop buying things and to pay off all my debt. I AM paying off my debts like a mad woman… however, I’ve slipped. I think I’ve been torturing myself with not having the things I need, waiting for someone else to get them for me. Since ATrain broke up with me, I started thinking – I deserve nice things! I decided that I’m treating myself to the things I’ve needed to turn my cottage into a comfortable place for me to spend time. I’m going for it – making my small casa feel like home and investing in myself.
It feels good, and is what has me rethinking – I’m worth it. Although I’d love another person to help me out, I’m not looking for a “helper”, I’m looking for a partner. Someone who wants me and us to have these things. ATrain has all these things, but they are for him, not for us. And that is o.k. I’m glad he got and has these things for himself, it’s too bad I wasn’t part of it.
Anyway, I’m working hard at keeping myself busy – I’m putting my professional “business plan” in place, I’m going to my fat blaster class, and my mind is slowly coming out of the emotional cloud. I like my downtime now. It was scary at first, now its enjoyable.
And believe it or not, I’m taking lessons from my cats on how to value myself. Examples include:
Zoey – there are 3 doors into/out of the cottage – whatever door is NOT open is the one that Zoey wants to come through. And I DO IT! I get up and open the door for her. For example, the screen door next to the kitchen is open, the cat door is available to her 24-7. But Zoey will scratch at the closed front door to be let in. The front door is about 4 feet from the cat door. Yes, that is right, 4 feet. But she scratches and I open…she demands and I get up – every time.
Sophie – somehow ends up on my lap, while my laptop is on my side, on 2 pillows.. why? Because Sophie wouldn’t have it any other way. And honestly, if I didn’t give her what she wanted, she would pester me until I would lose my mind. So how did she train me to give her what she wants and I just do whatever (hurt my eyes, strain my back, etc.) to give her what she wants? She is a 9 pound cat!?!! And she is the boss.
So why am I so accommodating? Why am I not being as demanding as these two 9 pound monsters that rule my life? No idea – because I’ve never been demanding? Because I don’t know how to be? I need to learn. It’s not about being demanding, it’s about knowing what I want and not being ashamed of it.
I’d love to hear your experiences about you getting stronger, learning to demand more at home and at the office.
I went to the office today. I was so busy with meetings and follow-up that the time just flew by. I got home around 6:30pm, pet the cats and wondered around for a bit. Then sat down on the couch, finished up some work, and am now getting ready for bed. This post will be much shorter than my recent posts (don’t get so excited).
Not only am I back and committed to writing more and working through my life in this public manner, my favorite blog friends are back as well. They too have struggled over these last few years. They have been so generous to share their experiences, their struggle, their deepest fears, angst, joys with all of us. I have come to know and love these folks – and their words have given me pause, made me think, and have influenced me in very positive ways. They share their experiences with such honesty and openness, I aspire to write and share like they do. I hope you enjoy their writings as much as I do –
That Precarious Gait – She is finally back! Like me, she took a hiatus – trying to get through each day, not knowing that I related to the experiences she shared… Now is a great time to catch up with her, she just wrote a great post, catching me (and the world) up on why she has been gone for so long. She has such a great writing style – so clear, concise, impactful, and emotional without being “victim-ish”.. it’s insightful and I gets me thinking.
Four Is A Family– Love this man’s sense of humor. A Brit that lives in Virginia (or somewhere cold on the East Coast), living life and sharing his experiences on love, love lost, raising daughters (which is SO HARD), working, and trying to keep it together. He too disappeared due to overwhelming life responsibilities. But he too, is back. At the same time as me and That Precarious Gait. Lucky me.
What I realized while dealing with my own shisa, is that others are struggling too, I’m not the only one out there running into family or relationship or other issues. There are a lot of folks out there trying to figure out their path in life, working hard to learn from their experiences, and moving on, becoming better people through the process.
Anyway, it came to me today. Life is about the choices I make. And this breakup is about the choices I’ve made over the last 3 years.. or maybe even longer. It’s my responsibility to figure out why I’ve made the choices I have, to learn from them, and move on.
So here I go, sharing my journey with you. The ups and downs, the process of learning from my successes and my failures. I hope you get as much out of my experiences as I get from Precarious and FIAF.
Lots of thoughts going on in my brain… I’m struggling a bit these days… here is why.
I met a guy in early January. We dated. We moved to the friend zone this morning. Here is what transpired.
Paula's Ponderings 