How the truth eventually came to light
WARNING – This is a very long post…. its is a 2 day adventure through a breakup with a lying, cheating narcissist. It is written 7 month post-breakup and in a journalistic format. Only truths and receipts here. I am doing this post for my Lawyer, who has asked me to put together a timeline of “how things came to light”.
So much has come out about my “relationship” with the Ex over the last 7 months. It is clear we were in two very different relationships – I was with him because I loved and trusted him, he was in it to con me out of my money. This has been the hardest for me to come to terms with – that everything he presented to me about himself and how he felt about me was false and fraudulent. I also still feel incredibly gullible for falling for it all… but my friends remind me, over and over again, that I was actively deceived and I could not have seen it coming.
You must know, first and foremost, that we had a relationship based on trust (or so I thought). We had agreed early on in our relationship that if either of us ever wanted out of the relationship OR met someone else that we wanted to pursue, we would be forthright and tell the other person. AT 50 years old, there is no reason to spend time and energy in a relationship with someone who does NOT want to be with you. So while I was away, selling my house so we could live our lives together in Mexico like we had planned in late May 2022, I had absolutely no reason to doubt him:
a) we had this agreement,
b) we communicated daily,
c) he never mentioned his new “special friend” to me, and
d) we were still talking about our future together.
With that said, this post is long and is divided into four parts:
- How I came to find the truth (through his lies)
- His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages
- The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life
- Summary & Lessons Learned
So here goes… get some coffee, some wine, some snacks, cause here we go!
How I came to find the truth (through his lies)
I don’t even know where to begin. So much happened in the days between August 23rd and August 26th 2022. Three days is all it took to turn my world upside down. The amount of lies and gaslighting that happened is still mind-boggling to me. He kept badgering me to talk, but I knew nothing that came out of his mouth would be the truth so I kept the entire conversation in WhatsApp. And I’m glad I did because now I have proof of his depravity and active deception.
He came over to the Chandler house on August 23rd. I had driven a trailer full of stuff down from SLC (I had, after all, just sold my house and moved to Chandler). The trailer was sitting outside in the driveway (against HOA policy) because Trash’s car was in the garage. Tiny Trash was to supposed to remove his car from the garage before I arrived so I could put the trailer in the garage, but he didn’t do it. He told me he was in MX working (which was a lie). So on August 23rd he came over around 2pm-ish, walked inside without knocking, took a call with CPS, then went into the garage to get his car out of the garage. Once the car was out, he helped me back the trailer into the garage. After we completed this, we went inside to have dinner and go to bed. After dinner he sprung it on me that he was going to stay the night with his ex-wife… which is an unbelievable story. He also mentioned that he borrowed a mutual friends car…. and he also left green drink supplements at my house. These three things got me thinking… and so I began to do some investigating in the early morning hours of August 24th 2022.
Lie #1: Staying the Night with the Ex-Wife
Its not in the phone text below, but you can see below on 8/23/22 at 9:54pm he says “call me”. He had just left the Chandler house after telling me he was going to “spend the night at his ex-wife’s house“. I didn’t believe him. I called him – he told me not to worry, that I had nothing to worry about. He loved me, but that his son was NOT doing well and needed him. I called bullshit on this story. I have confirmed with his ex-wife that he did NOT spend the night at her house. She also confirmed that she doesn’t have a couch. SO he lied bigly.
Lie #2: The Borrowed Car
As you can see above, he tells me that he borrowed his friends car. I reached out to the friend. She got back to me a day later. He absolutely did NOT borrow her car — Whatever he did, I don’t care. There should be no reason to lie about this …. unless he was hiding something. Which he was.
Lie # 3: The Green Supplement Drink
Anyone who knows Tiny Trash knows he doesn’t drink anything but alcohol or water. So anyone with half a brain knows him drinking a green smoothie is a bold faced lie. “Its a cleanse and I wanted to try it” is just so ridiculous. This was when I stopped taking his calls.
His Own Comments with Mutual Friends
So given the lies above above, I was in a state of shock, but I knew there could be no good explanation for the lies. I didn’t care what he did, how he did it, when he did it. He lied to me – more than once. And no one lies unless they have something to hide.
Because I had an asset to protect, my Princesa B509 Condo, I reach out to a friend to see if she would take over managing my Princesa B509 Condo (see how he is attempting to steal my Condo here) . She let me know that Tiny Trash had let her and her husband know that we had broken up and she was sorry to hear it. I said it was news to me and asked if she would be willing to take back over managing the condo. She said yes… Then I asked her what Tiny Trash had shared with her while I was away… Boy, it was a doozy. Other friends came forward to share… and what came to light was:
- Trash had told folks in my friend circle that we had broken up.
- Tiny Trash was with Laura at a bar, and when my friend approached him to say hi and ask him how I was doing. Trash told my friend that he didn’t know, that I was “three girlfriends ago”.
- Another friend spotted him at a table for two at our “special place”, Pane e Vino, the very same place we had our 90 day review/conversation at the end of May. We discussed how hard it had been with his son living with us, but that HE still wanted to move forward together. We agreed on the next steps in our relationship (sell my SLC house, purchase property in MX and build a house, take the RV for a month long RV trip), etc..
So basically, while I was away, following through on our agreed upon plan, Tiny Trash found himself a new girlfriend. I was devastated…. I was in shocked to my very core. I was numb. I had yet to wrap my head around what I had just done – sold my personal residence in Salt Lake City Utah, packed up myself, my cats, and HIS DOG and traveled by myself from SLC to Chandler with a car and a trailer. I gave up a good life, a beautiful home, moved to a place where I knew NO ONE except for him, only to find out that the person I did all this for was a man-child who had zero integrity or moral compass, who purposely and actively deceived me for the entirety of our relationship.
His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages
So I moved off of text and onto Whatsapp for all communication starting August 24th 2022. I would not speak to him. I did not trust anything that came out of his mouth, I wanted everything in writing. And I’m glad I did that, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do the same thing, especially if you are dealing with a liar, cheater, manipulator, and/or a violet person.
|WORDS OF WISDOM: If you ever find ourself in this position, NEVER take his calls. Narcissists and master manipulators are very good at gaslighting you into thinking that you are crazy. DO NOT TALK TO THEM while you are vulnerable. Let them explain themselves in text and take your time with your responses. Use your brain, not your heart.|
Here is the exchange between us, with commentary, from August 24th – 26th 2022. Tiny Trash is on the left in Grey, I am on the right, in Green. These are the exchanges, what you must know was that I was in complete shock; my body was shut down, my mind was numb… I was so hurt, just devastated… and to feel this way and continue to hear him lie, over and over again was so traumatic.
So yes, once I found out he had a whole ass girlfriend, I removed him from all my accounts (credit cards, utilities, anything that we shared) as would anyone else in this situation. He then says its “extreme” and I’m “f*king dumb” for doing this.. Really? WHO WOULDN’T DO THIS?
You will see in the next section that this is a clear lie… Trash and Lauras Relationship status on FB changed to “In a Relationship” 14 days PRIOR to this series of lies… on August 14th 2022. HE KNEW he was lying and he just kept on going… And a special sidenote that this is the exact date, August 14th 2022, is the same day that Tiny Trash asked his ex (before me) for a blowjob AT HER HOUSE in HER Master Bedroom. The Ex cleaned her house on Aug. 13th. Trash was unhappy with the service, had her come back on the 14th, where he asked her for a blowjob in the new master bedroom. So does a cheetah change their spots? Not in my book.
So I begin asking him questions. If you do not have a new GF, then why the rumors? Because rumor has it he had been all over town with her, she stayed at the house we shared Costa Diamante Mexico, he stayed with her and her kids at the Princesa Condos, they visited “our” restaurants together… Here are the two days of WhatsApp transcripts full of his lies and gaslighting.
Umm, yeah, people can and did say different. Trash and Laura were all over Princesa the entire summer. As a matter of fact, when I got back into my B509 unit, there was viagra everywhere. I knew it was his… so he had the audacity to take her to MY CONDO…. just disgusting.
And this is where it gets ugly.. trying to get my phone number back from my cheating Ex.. and him being “indignant” that I would accuse him of cheating with a “married woman”… Here it comes peeps, strap in.
Like dude, leave me alone. I said I never wanted to see you again. Do NOT come near me, ever again! Jees. A bit of history: while Tiny Trash was in Utah helping me move from July 27th through August 2nd, he purchased a car for me, a blue 2008 Audi Q8, a tire went flat….. I wanted to purchase the car on my own, but he insisted on buying it for me. I was just trying to get the flat fixed on this car that I thought was mine.
FYI – the rim was not messed up.
I’d really like to know who he thinks is “nobody” because everybody I knew in Mexico knew about Laura… The only person that did not know was ME!! So I must be the nobody he speaks of here.
In my above comment about “last weekend”, this was the weekend of Aug. 18th-22nd when we, we being Trash, myself, and his two sons, were to be at baseball games together. I later discovered he was NOT in Mexico and instead went to the games with Laura.
And here we go about getting the “real” story about Laura. He had originally told me that he had “old friends” stay with him at our Costa Diamante house (by OUR I mean the fact that we lived there together, Trash absolutely is the sole owner wrt mortgage). From what I know know, Laura was NOT an old friend, but a very new friend, that he forgot to mention to his current girlfriend, aka ME.
I have since found out that he did post on Facebook as did Laura and her friends, but he was able to block me from seeing these photos. I have friends who began sharing these photos with me, so let’s just say, that he knew at the time I didn’t know how Facebook works, but I do now. He blocked me from seeing what he was doing, period. End of story.
Yes, let’s talk about the RV. I gave Trash $6000 to pay the RV guy. Trash did NOT give the RV guy his money. He kept it for himself. So I had to pay MORE money to get the RV back from the paint guy. Just more $$ that Trash stole from me.
Just highlighted above how he said he would never mess with my phone service. I wanted to take my phone line back, but he would not let me (wouldn’t call to approve it, wouldn’t give me the code to do it myself). And he is “that way”. Within 2 weeks he had my service shut off because I would not talk to him. You can read all about it here).
So apparently Laura and all her friends knew about me, knew he loved me, and they like me (see the “Yes all of them like u”).. . I then ask for their contact details so I can confirm this. Because in a mature relationship, if they know about me, and they are “just friends”, shouldn’t I be aware of them as well? How does anyone like me if they have never met me??!?
Seeking comment from my readers: I’d like to know how many of you would be o.k. with YOUR boyfriend entertaining a new lady friend that he has NOT told you about at a party where ALL of your friends are in attendance. Rumors are flying. He is very much enjoying himself with her. And I can guarantee you that if I showed up at a party with a new guy where all his friends were, he would go ballistic. It is the double standard of a Narcissist, or a cheater in general.
Also notice how its Justine’s fault because she was ONE of the multiple people who told me. Every one of our friends was at this party, not just Justine.
So I ask him above if he took Laura to Pane e Vino, which is our special place. He knew it was our special place, which is why I asked him. His response below is “f*&k no”…. which I know is NOT true based on the first hand account of a friend.
For whatever reason, Trash continues to blame Justine for his actions, never taking accountability for his behavior.
Please note the retaliation is real. Trash has spent his entire time since August 2022 retaliating against Justine and her friends. He has publicly threatened her and her dogs, to the point she has filed a police report, added 24/7 security to her home, and faces his retribution on a weekly if not daily basis TO THIS DAY.
The going gets good here. If his behavior is so innocent, I ask to speak to Laura…. he loses it —
NOTE: That the exchange I share in the above WhatsApp message is a text exchange between Trash and a friend stating that we (he and I) agreed to not speak for 3 weeks. Which never happened. We never agreed to this, we spoke all the time. Like I mention in my comments to him is that I wanted/needed to have deeper conversations with him but he didn’t make the time. For example, the Lehi house needed a new floor, we needed to talk about it. He wouldn’t make time for this conversation SO I MADE THE DECISION myself (which of course he didn’t agree with). I figured it out later it is because he was spending all his time with Laura.
These next sets of messages get to the heart of the matter. Where he finally admits that he is “friends” with Laura. Based on what I know now, he began a relationship with Laura in June BEFORE we left Mexico. I don’t care when they started having sex. He began a new relationship with another woman and did not tell me about it FOR MONTHS. If you can’t tell your partner about a new friendship, or you have to hide a relationship from your partner, that is cheating. Period.
FYI – that picture in the whatsApp is of Trash with Laura and her friends on Aug. 22nd which you can find below in the timeline. It’s the weekend he told me he couldn’t go to the game with me and his boys because he was in Mexico. Clearly he was not in Mexico. Just another lie.
And now its my fault – He is not the liar, I am the insecure one – umm hmmm, gaslighting at it finest.
and on and on and on… until finally he admits to seeing Laura. And you know why I think he did this? Because I reached out to Laura myself to get the truth.. Did I get it from her? No, not really. Here is what I wrote Laura on Aug 25th 2022.
And here is when he finally admits to dating Laura – on August. 26th at 4:09 in the morning.
I wrote Laura back, thanking her for her help. And that was the end of the communication with Laura. She never wrote me back. I never reached out to her again. I did have to block her after she publicly stated untruths about me. She clearly is not not a girls girl and has/had no intention of being mature about the situation she and Trash created.
From what I understand, she knew Trash had a girlfriend and she didn’t care one bit. She could not have missed it when she stayed at Costa Diamante or the Chandler house – my stuff is all over the place. She is not a girls girl, not a girl who has another woman’s back. As far as I am concerned, they deserve each other.
The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life
At the end of the day, after 7 months, here is the timeline I’ve pieced together of the 3 months: June – August 2022.
June 8-12th 2022: they may have met sooner, but they definitely met at the Roger Clyne Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos concert that started June 8th 2022. I remember Tiny Trash acting weird during the concert – he kept leaving me in the VIP area while he was hanging with friends near the bands… I finally went over to see what he was up to, and he disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone (again). Then the entire weekend, he got up in the morning telling me he had to “go to work”, only to end up at Manny’s to party. I didn’t have a car and did not have a way to join him, which was probably exactly what he wanted (just another isolation tactic). Guess who is no-where in the pictures of that weekend EVEN Though I was AT THE CONCERT?? Yep, me. So based on this post and what I’ve learned from friends, I believe he planned to be with Laura and the others.. and didn’t want me to get “in the way”…. SO this is one of the reasons I think he connected with her prior to this weekend.
June 24th 2022 – he made her an admin of his FB Keepers and Creepers group. He would not let go control unless they were “close”. He did this while he was with me in Kanab UT, on our 8 week trip to move me down to Mexico. I still had no idea this “just a friend” existed. All of a sudden, June 24th, he got a big project in MX and had to leave Kanab to head back to MX on June 25th 2022. It was a lie- he was heading back to spend the July 4th weekend with Laura. It’s all just so clear now. He lived a double life and I was the sucker for trusting him, supporting him so he could live his dream of building a business down in Mexico.
July 4th weekend – Laura and her friends stayed in our MX Costa Diamante house… not “old friends” as Trash had told me. Didn’t she and others find it strange that all my stuff was there, in the master bedroom?!! They partied all weekend together… Makes me sick to my stomach to think she rummaged through my stuff and HE allowed it.
July 2022 – He blocked off my Chandler house the entire month of July. Told me it was too Hot in MX and that he wanted to spend time with his kids…. Instead, he hosted a “Singles Party” on July 10th with Laura and a few other other ladies. Charged the entire party on my credit card (over $600 in booze and food). Laura also stayed there long enough for my address to be registered to her name. I STILL get mail for her at the house (It’s now April 2023). At this time, Trash was texting me pictures of him with his family, having dinners at my place, telling me he was going to bed early…. he made absolutely no mention that his “new friend” Laura was staying at my house OR that he was using my house to host singles parties.
August 14th 2022 – The day their FB relationship status changed to be “IN a relationship” with each other. This is 4 days BEFORE he was to meet me in Chandler to go to the Baseball game with his kids and then move to Mexico. We also had a 90 day review policy. Because of this I do not think his “in a relationship” FB status on August 14th is random. It is most likely the 90 day mark as too when they started officially “seeing each other”, however they defined it, on or near June 14th. Which makes sense to me, because that was the weekend of the Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos that Trash was behaving strangely – The very same concert that I went to, that I worked side-by-side with him, that we attended together with our friends.
August 22nd – Tells me he is in MX working, which is why we could NOT go to the Baseball games with his sons. But really he is in town with Laura celebrating god knows what.
And the rest is history. The section above shares with you what happened on August 23rd moving forward. So yes, I I learned about Laura on August 24th/25th. But clearly there was a lot more going on behind my back prior to me discovering their affair.
Which leads me to the next section… Read on and learn from my mistakes folks.
Summary & Lessons Learned
Having had 7 months to recover from the shock of it all, look back at inconsistencies, have friends and acquaintances share tidbits of info… slowly but surely the truth came out and is what I’ve shared is all I know at this point.
Lesson learned: The truth will always come to light. The goal is to leave after the first offense/sign of disrespect because:
- They most likely have been doing it over and over and over, they just got caught this time
- Narc’s love to be friends with their ex’s and always have multiple FWB’s hanging around. Narcs love to keep their ex’s around as backup…. I learned this the hard way…. Trash has a lot of ex/FWB friends he hooked up with while we were together.. this is above and beyond the strangers he would find to bang AND in addition to Laura
- Things can and will never be the same once trust is broken
If you have made it this far, congratulations. You have probably been through something similar and have spent a lot of time dissecting it in and effort to understand what happened and move on.
Final Words of Wisdom
IF you are in a relationship with a narcissist, master manipulator, gaslighter, liar, and/or cheater: get out the first time they show you who they are. If you do not they will hurt you over and over again… It took me finding out about this one girl to leave. But since I’ve been out of the relationship, I have learned that there were plenty of other women he was with besides Laura. Outside of what I’ve shared above:
- He had an ongoing affair with his ex before me. Sex in my house, sex in hotel rooms, sex in Mexico, wined and dined her both in Mexico and in Arizona. You name it, they did it. He told her I was a “business transaction” and that they would get back together when he was done with me.
- His truck was never in the driveway of our house in Mexico when I was away on business. He never spent the night at our house when I was not home. He was out at the bars, picking up randoms when I was out of town, taking them to his Condo or Mirador Townhouse.
- Sometimes he would “work late”, but was not really working… He was actually at his condo, mere blocks away, using the owners hot tub and his condo as a “f*&k pad” while I was AT HOME TAKING CARE OF HIS SON.
- There are his FWB gals that he hooks up with – he had 2-3 that I am now aware of.
- Lastly, there are all the vulnerable women he preys upon in his FB Groups. He loves single women going through tough divorces… so he can swoop in and look like a hero. But in reality he is just a predator stroking his ego at someone else’s expense.
So let this be a lesson to you all that the best course of action is to BE DONE the first time you find out your partner/significant other has strayed – because you can be guaranteed that you did NOT catch him the first time.
When you find out something that breaks a boundary. Leave. It WILL NEVER GET BETTER. And once you leave, you will discover a lot more, and from what I’ve learned from the experts, what you actually learn about is only 10% of what truly went on. So if the above is only 10%…. I can only imagine what else will come to light during the civil suit discovery and trial.
Protect yourself ladies.