Paula's Ponderings

Today was a tough day. Today, April 26th 2023, was the Order of Possession trial in Mexico. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

What is an Order of Possession?

I cannot find any good websites that describe it, but basically, it’s a court order that states that one person has exclusive rights to occupy a unit/home. Tiny Trash is listed as a co-owner of the property on the private contract (explained in my Don’t Mingle Finances post), but with this court order, I am the only one who can be in possession of the condo. Meaning if he comes near the unit, does any damage, he can be taken to Mexican jail. Think of it as a USA version of an Order of Protection but for a piece of property. So as long as I’m in the condo, I am safe… but if I leave the condo, and Tiny Trash decides to harm me, its allowed because the Order of Possession ONLY protects the condo from his wrath.

I tried to obtain the USA version of an Order of Protection in Mexico, but from what I was told by my lawyer, this is nearly impossible to obtain in MX. Apparently Mexico is behind the times when it comes to protecting victims of domestic violence. Not to say that the USA has a one up – as we all know, the US version of an OOP is just a piece of paper and law enforcement doesn’t take them seriously (otherwise Forensic Files and Dateline wouldn’t have 20+ seasons each).

Why Do I Have an Order of Possession?

Well, after I discovered Tiny Trash’s double life, I broke up with him. However, all my stuff was in Mexico, as I had planned to return to MX to live with him. We agreed that I could get all my things Labor Day Weekend in September 2022. He would not give me the code to the condo until the day I was driving down – August 31st. Throughout the following days, he would remove the code and not allow me into the condo or the MX house to obtain my things. It was a game he was playing – removing my access unless I talked with him, which I would not. Days and days of this BS. After he broke into my Chandler home on September 7th (Home Invasion #1) , I knew I was not safe and hired a lawyer both in Mexico and the USA.

I began working with Rogelio, my MX attorney on seeking an order of possession, but thanks to Tiny Trash’s break-in on September 13th 2022 (2nd Break-in), it was granted almost immediately. Scariest day of my life. It took forever to serve him in Mexico, but once served, the Order of Possession went into effect. He was finally served while he was with Laura and friends at his Princesa D108 condo.

He could have left well enough alone, after all, he has contributed $0 to the condo AND he made money on my money (Don’t Mingle Finances). But nope, he appealed this order of possession. And today was his day in court to prove his case – why he should also possess and occupy the unit.

What is Mexican Court Like?

Mexican court is very interesting – in some ways it’s the same as the US court system – inefficient, behind the times, etc.. What makes it extra complex for Americans is the requirement to translate EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING.

So in the USA, when you have court, you have a judge, a court reporter, you have lawyers ask questions, witnesses give answers, etc.. Witnesses do not get to hear everyone’s testimony, they are called in when it is their turn. SAME in Mexico for the most part.

Here are the differences:

• there is no judge, there is a Secretary that types into a computer the questions and answers.
• there are multiple people in the room: the Secretary, the witness, the interpreter, and the lawyers.
• We each were allowed 2 witnesses:
  • Tiny Trash picked his brother and Abe, a guy that works for him.
  • I had Justine, the former B509 property manager and person who helped with the original purchase of B509, and Cesar, the bodyguard that was present when Tiny Trash broke into the B509 condo
• There is only one witness in the room at all times. The courtroom is a small room and there is no waiting room, so when we were not being interviewed, we stood outside or sat in our cars.
• At the end of all the testimony, the lawyers and translators review the documentation.
• If all looks good, the Secretary prints the documents, and everyone who participated in the day has to sign the paperwork along the borders.

Given this, it took from 11am to 5:30pm to complete all the “interviews”, prepare the documents, and have everyone sign the documents.

So What Happens Now?

The judge will get a file that is thick as thieves — evidence submitted (police reports, ring doorbell recordings, apostiled documents from the USA (my order of protection, the financial statements that show I paid 100% for the condo, all of the Chandler police reports, etc), witness statements from the court hearing today, etc.. The judge will determine the outcome. I understand he will make a decision within 3-5 days.

So, we wait.

Why was this so hard for Me?

It’s the first time I have seen him since the USA Order of Protection hearing on Nov. 9th (OOP Upheld). So the good news is he looks HORRIBLE. I can’t believe that I found him remotely attractive at any point. His beer gut, his man boobs, and now he has a short haircut that makes his head look like a special needs child that needs a helmet. Outside of his physical appearance, I finally saw him for who he really is – a conman, a self-entitled, selfish, what is yours is mine guy that has zero moral compass.

It shook me hard. It’s like a lightning bolt hit me – I was way too trusting, too nice.

I’ve been in shock since August of last year. I don’t go out, I don’t get to know people. I am alone almost 100% of the time. It has been really hard for me to come to grips with the fact that I was with someone that I thought I knew, but in the end, it was all a con:

• He knowingly lied to me (he never had the money for the condo); he never intended to pay me back for his 1/2 of the condo
• He took all the rental income; did not give me a penny
• And now he wants to profit from my investment

I’m still shook by all of this. Since November 2022, I have basically been self isolating. I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, I don’t want want or need any drama in my life. I don’t go out. I work from home… I’ve gone weeks without leaving my house (thank you Door Dash!).

Right now, I’m just done. I’m done with people, with humans….. I need to find a therapist to help me through this period. Just know I’m working on it. I’ll get there. But if you do not hear from me, it’s because I am trying to figure things out and heal myself.

Lessons Learned

Same lessons I speak of all my previous posts – don’t trust anyone:

• Always do a background check before dating anyone.
• Speak to the ex prior to engaging in the new relationship
• Never co-mingle money

Please pass / forward this blog onto other women who may be going through the same thing. The more we ladies a) stick together, and b) learn from each other, the less havoc these conmen will wreak in our lives.

I’m going to bed now. Going to have a good cry, hug my new cat Josie, and hope that I can sleep as I have a shit-ton of work to do tomorrow.