What I’m about to share it true.  It happened to me this morning at 10am PST.

In a previous post, I shared how a recent relationship ended. Today I had coffee with the Italian Stallion so there are a few more details to share.

First, I wanted to meet with him because I had a suspicion that he wasn’t being fully truthful and it was bothering me. I also wanted to learn from this experience. At the end of the day, I do want a long-term partner at some point in my life.

Second, I forgot to mention, which a friend tells me it was a huge miss, that Italian LOVED to talk about how much $$ he has… How he takes care of people with his money (his kids, ex-wife, lovers, hotel staff, friends, strangers, etc..). How I would never have to worry about money if we got together…   Anyway, a great example, his car collection.  I do not care about cars.. At all.  All I care is that it gets me from point A to point B without incident.  I don’t care if it’s a 1979 Datsun or a 2016 Tesla.  Anyway, Italian Stallion would talk about his cars…  He has 2 cars and 2 trucks.  One of his cars is a Ferrari or Maserati…  He drove it (like a maniac I might had) on our 2nd date.  Parking was difficult so he parked it in a no parking zone. I told him we had time to find a legal spot and that I didn’t mind walking.. He said “if I can afford this car, I can afford the ticket or the tow.  Now let’s go.”

Ok. Back to today.  I meet him at Peet’s Coffee.  He walks in while I’m ordering a coffee… He comes over to me, has a huge smile on his face which was cute and disarming, leans over and kisses me on the cheek.  I offer to buy him a cup of java and he accepts.  We get our coffee and sit down. I thanked him for meeting with me….  I then told him I wasn’t upset or angry but I wanted to have an adult conversation about our relationship and breakup.

My first question for him had to do with his method of breakup – Why did he decide to break up with me over text?  I told him that I thought he had more integrity/class than that so his method of text surprised me. I suggested that he easily could have called me to discuss on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or even Wednesday. He did NOT answer the question.  He reiterated to me that I have been gone too much over these last 3 months and that he has spent far too much of this time “waiting” for me and that he doesn’t need to be waiting around for me when others are “aggressively pursuing him”.

My second question for him was about his level of interest – I just didn’t see or feel that he was in it to win it.  I responded accordingly.  I gave him 3-4 examples that stood out to me:

• Drugs, and Dancing.  In the first month of our relationship he went to Mexico for 5 days with a friend and ended up spending the entire time with a group of girls, which he bought coke for. They danced and drank together for 5 days.  He was so wrecked when he got home he needed 3 days to “dry out” before he was back to normal.  My point to him was two-fold: 1) would he be happy if I hung out with guys who bought me coke and I danced with them all night every night? And 2) if I was important to him, wouldn’t he have been in better shape when he saw me? Like be excited to come home and see me and maybe cut back on the drugs and booze on the last night?  Maybe?  And I only know all of this because he told me.  I did not ask, he shared all of this freely, and not just with me, but with my friends as well.
• My Family.  the fact he never asked about my cats, who we all know are my fur babies. Not once. Why Ab Fab is so important to me?
• My Career.  The fact he never wanted to understand or talk about why I am on a 6 month hiatus from work?
• Friends.  He met mine…  Why did we not go out with his friends?  He spent a lot of time with “his buddies”… And I never met a one.  Is the term “buddies” mean that he has another date?

I admit that while these things were occurring I DID NOT say anything. I just shrugged my shoulders and accepted it… Again, it’s because I didn’t think he was serious, I wasn’t serious, so none of these things really matter if the relationship is not long-term.

I did tell him I thought the breakup was ironic given that I’m around the entire month of April AND most of May AND I go back to work and have a regular schedule in June…. He started in with “it’s timing” and “I was gone too much” … Yada yada… I did not tell him that the breakup seemed pre-mature at best, and potentially an excuse for another reason.

At the end of the day, he never really answered any of my questions, but my theory is that he had a date last Saturday night and things went well.  My guess is that he would never have called/texted me again IF I hadn’t reached out. Which doesn’t bode well for his character..  But I would say this is more the norm.  Remember Mr. Showtime back in 2011 here and here?

But the story gets better.

As we were talking, we were laughing, joking, having a good time.  We do get along well. He is a fun guy-life of the party, center of attention.  He then told me that I have beautiful eyes and a contagious smile and that I light up any room I walk into (I know, super sweet).   THEN he says that when he watches me smile and laugh he gets hard.  Then he asked me IF I WANTED TO TOUCH IT.  I know.  Wait, there is more.  He then reached out, touched my hand, and …… asked me if I wanted to go to his house and fool around.

Yep, just let that sink in for a minute.  This happened in a flash at a Peet’s Coffee.

I light-heartedly told him “not now”…  There is not a chance in hell that I’m going to ever have sex with him (see reasons why here), but IMO mens ego’s are less bruised when they hear “not now” vs. “no”.

You would think that is enough.. but wait, there is more!  He then proceeds to tell me that he wants to be friends, he would still like to do things together because I’m a cool and fun girl, and:

1. That we should stay friends because I’ve never met anyone like him.. (which is true)
2. How lucky I am that he is so vocal in bed – because it shows that he is having a great time and it’s a complement to how good we are together.
3. And he would be open and available for me to come over to his house and fuck him anytime.

I know. A person like this does exist on this planet. I have seen it for my own eyes.  At the end of the day, I will continue to be his friend (we have a lot of mutual acquaintances).  He is a fun guy.  My gut feeling is that I won’t see him again…  He isn’t going to reach out to me ever again, and I have zero plans to check in with him.  It was as smooth a breakup as you can have.  All egos in-tack, no one damaged or worse from the experience.

And there you have it folks, the end of a romantic relationship.

 

 

 

I met a guy in early January.  We dated.  We moved to the friend zone this morning.  Here is what transpired.

I met “Italian Stallion” online.. He didn’t want people to know that so we say we met at Trader Joes.  We meet for drinks – we click.  He wines and dines me 2 more times.. He says he wants to take it to the next level.  What he means is he wants to have sex.  I’m not ready, but hey, a girl needs some real action every now and then so I opted in.

CAUTION: The next few paragraphs contain slightly graphic sexual content. Yes, I am including the juicy bits. You are welcome.

We continued to see each other casually.  We went out a few times a week when I was in town*.  *=take note of this, it will come into play in the very near future.  Going out consisted of me meeting him at his house, him sticking his tongue down my throat upon entry, having sex (he couldn’t wait, that’s how he “connects”), then sitting around watching movies like an old married couple.

While in this 3 month relationship I spent a lot of time away. After all, I am “temporarily retired” and I like to do things. I spent a few weeks in Utah, went to Yoga Retreat in Mexico, spent 2 weeks in the Bahamas (more on this coming)… Italian Stallion would text/call every now and again, but certainly not consistently.

The sex was also not that great for me.  Here are a few reasons why:

1. His penis is not that big.  And this wouldn’t be a problem IF he didn’t talk about how big it was all the time.  It worked, he knew what to do with it, but it wasn’t big.  All I could think about when we were having sex is about all the girls he’s been with that have told him he is huge, when in fact, he is average.  And who was I to burst his bubble?  Hard to focus on having an orgasm when I’m thinking about the mans penis size and all the other girls who have supported his belief that he is well endowed.
2. He is a dirty talker. He loved to talk dirty, in public and in the bedroom.  Which is fine, to each their own.  But when you are having sex with someone and they use statements like “gimme that pussy” or “come to Pappa” or “Who’s your daddy” (he is 60-something so it’s kind of creepy) or “fuck that cock, yes, fuck that big cock“.  Anyway, I wasn’t able to get into a rhythm because I was too busy wondering where he picked up these statements and if other women were actually turned on by this.
3. He has loud orgasms.  As you would expect, someone who loves to talk dirty in bed is also very expressive when he orgasms.  I am on the Chelsea Handler team where men should watch themselves in a mirror and ask themselves if what they see is what they want to bring into the bedroom.  She does a hilarious bit about this in her Uganda Be Kidding Me standup routine (out on Netflix). You can go here and see a less dramatic version of it during an interview – http://teamcoco.com/video/chelsea-handler-sex-rules.  When he was ready to “explode” he would start to scream at the top of his lungs, “NO, NO, NO…. Then more softly yell yes, yes yes “…. And a few other choice words while in the euphoric state.

In this case, between his size, his dirty talk, and the sound and fury of his orgasm, it was all just too distracting for me.

Ok. Enough of that.  Here is how the breakup happened.

I returned from the Bahamas last week and wanted to see him. Actually, I didn’t really care if I saw him again but since we were dating I thought it was best if I put in some effort.  So I called him on Wednesday. He didn’t have time to see me until Friday.   I met him at his house, we had dinner, sex, and a movie.  When I left his house on Friday he felt much better and connected again.  He even texted me Saturday morning – his exact words – “It was great seeing you last night. I had a great time and I hope you did too”.

He had plans on Saturday so he said he would call me on Sunday.  He didn’t call.  I spent the day with my friend at the pool, asking for advice on how to break up with Italian Stallion.  So many ways to do it…  Some suggestions were hilarious.  I’ll save this for another post too.

Anyway, I finally reached out to him Tuesday evening via text – said I hoped he had a nice weekend and that I missed him.  I didn’t really miss him, but isn’t that what you say when you are dating someone?  He responded by text the following – He said that things “broke” between us when I went to the Bahamas and he couldn’t get it back… And that we should date other people and just be friends.

Personally I think he had a date Saturday night and it went well… I’ve asked to meet him to discuss.. Only because I want to ask questions and get a better understanding. I never got the feeling he was serious..  I thought we were just casual and in no way did I think we were exclusive.  Anyway, we are scheduled to meet this Friday for coffee. Interesting how things play out isn’t it? I got my breakup without having to be the heavy. 🙂

That my friends is what a 3 month relationship looks like.  I will update this post IF I do indeed meet with Italian Stallion on Friday.