I have no idea what is next. I have been unemployed for 10 days. The longest I have been unemployed since I was 15. I have spent this last week thinking about things. My mind is a mess.. but I have tried to stay focused, to focus on what is important to me – my nieces. They are only 6 and 8 once.. and they still idolize me. But my mind wonders and I get very anxious – I get overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. The fact that:
1 – I don’t have a job
2 – that I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up (or I do, but it isn’t what I’m currently skilled at)
3 – that I have zero motivation to get back “into the (software) game”.
My main goal at this moment is to stay focused in the present with my nieces. This is where I am spending most of my energy right now.
So my life is not orderly right now (I know, very nice way of putting it right?!?). The odd part for me is all about men – in the last 10 days, I have had 2 men ask me out. I know. I have been semi-ready to date again, and just as I get comfortable with this, my life turns upside down. I met both men while employed – I met them 8 and 3 months ago. What is interesting is that they both reached out to me just last week – within hours of each other. It is strange to me – had one or both of them reached out to me months ago things could be very different. Now that I’m unemployed and not sure about my future, it doesn’t seem like the right time to start something – What if I decide to move to Turkey? What if I move to Utah…? What if I decide to do nothing and collect unemployment for 56 weeks? My point is, now seems like the wrong time to start dating.
What are your thoughts? Seems like the most important thing for me right now is to figure my shit out….
Oh, I forgot to mention that A-Train has offered his 2nd bedroom up for free. So I can sublet or get rid of my apartment and live with A-Train for free. For those of you who don’t know, A-Train was my boyfriend for 2 years. We broke up in March of this year…. it was inevitable that we would not be together, but he did break up with me so he could be with someone else… which hurt. It has taken time, but we have remained friendly, and is probably my best friend right now.
Just from a dating perspective, it’s probably not best to be living with an ex while trying to see other men. Seems so Jerry Springer-ish…
So for those of you that don’t have your life all neatly wrapped in beautiful paper and with a pretty bow, what would you do? What have you done in this situation or a similar situation? Love to hear and learn from your experiences.