Currently Unemployed.

my name is unemployedYep.  Last week I was going about my business at work when I was called into a conference room by the president of the company.  The purpose of the meeting was to discuss the reasons why customers are not renewing their contracts with the company.  I have shared this information with the executive team for months… so it was odd that he wanted to meet with me to discuss.

Apparently the executives didn’t hear (or want to hear) the truth. Based on the feedback I received (which is ironic because the person delivering the news NEVER spoke with any of my customers) was that the customers churned because they didn’t get the “attention they needed”.  They certainly were not – the company did not support any initiatives to improve customer issues.  I was terminated on the spot.  My computer confiscated.  I wasn’t quite walked out, but the closest I’ve ever been to it.

This company was horrible – the worst working experience I’ve had to date from a company perspective (Man Hands was the worst colleague I’ve ever worked with).  It had a terrible company culture, the leadership was significantly lacking in integrity, SaaS experience, and product delivery.  I knew something was wrong 3 weeks into the job but I didn’t want to admit I had made a mistake.  I put my head down and did what was necessary.. I didn’t want to give up, I wanted it to work.  The lesson I have learned – trust my instincts.  

I will write more later on this topic as it’s a juicy one.  I just wanted to provide an update to my friends out there that I don’t speak to on a regular basis.

What is next for me?  Right now I’m taking some time off. I am in Utah helping my very pregnant niece and her family. … I am spending some quality time with my grand nieces Mayonaise and Shanaynay.  Right now  I want to take 6 months off, re-evaluate my career, and find something that I’m going to love.  I definitely do not have the means to do this so I’m am thinking of ways to make enough to cover my expenses while I think through what I need, where I want to live, and what I want to be when I grow up.   I’m seriously considering obtaining a TEFL certificate and returning to Turkey to teach English.  Why not?

I’d love to hear from anyone who has taken a hiatus from their regular work, who has shifted careers in mid-life, or that has taught English abroad…

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Taking Some Time Off.

southern_coast_of_turkey

Hello all.

So much has happened in these last few months.

  • Family – AbFab’s husband lost his legs in a work accident.  Here is a news video of how he survived – inspirational.  They are both so strong, so resilient. The kids – Mayonaise and Shanaynay are doing well and they love their dad with or without legs.
  • Travel – I had an opportunity to go to Turkey and I did it.  I went to Turkey for 10 days with one of my best friends – Unicorns. She suggested it one week, we booked our tickets the next week, then we left the next week. Impromtu.  It was one of, if not the best trip I’ve ever taken. More on this later.
  • Work – not going well at all…the product doesn’t work and leadership is lacking – in both inspiration and direction.  Every team works in silo’s – Sales selling product we don’t have, Product delivering product that doesn’t work.  Since I work with customers every day, I feel the chaos. These people, our customers, put their careers on the line to purchase and adopt our technology. And we consistently let them down.

So, I’ve made a decision.  I made it a few weeks ago, but I’ve been letting it stew in my brain for a bit before making it a reality.  I am resigning.  I will let my manager know on Friday. My last day will be Nov. 13th. I am resigning before having another job.   My plan is to get centered again. This will include spending time with myself, getting healthy, traveling, and reconnecting with family and friends.

Not only will I be starting an exercise regimen, I will be traveling.  I plan to go back to Istanbul during the Thanksgiving holiday. Then I plan to spend a few weeks in Utah with AbFab and her family. I will also see my twin sister and my parents. My goal during this time away from work is to focus on me and doing what makes me happy.  And in my spare time I will look for work.

I am aware that this is extremely risky.  But I am burnt out. I may just do some consulting work and continue to think well into 2016…  Only time will tell what opens up to me.  But I’m not doing “this” again – busting my ass for a company that doesn’t appreciate the work that I do. I will not make myself physically sick with stress and work overload.  I WILL find a great company, that has great leadership, and that will appreciate my skills, abilities, and what I bring to the table.  That’s it.  Until this time, I will find consulting jobs that will support me.  That is my decision.

So yes, I am throwing caution to the wind and moving forward with what my heart is telling me is the right thing for me.  Although I am tidying up things around the house and checking out local yoga studios, I will officially begin my journey of self-rediscovery on Nov. 2nd with Oprah and Deepak 21 day meditation series – Become What You Believe.  I plan to update this blog very regularly as I go through my reinvention – writing thoughts down really helps me.

If any of you have ever done this before, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what worked, what didn’t.. Or if you haven’t, I’d love to hear what you would do if you made such a decision – would you travel, stay at home, visit with family, friends, etc… ?

My next blog will be about my experience in Turkey – which I loved – both the country and the people.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig.

2015_06_OnVacationA-Train and I have returned from vacation. It was a fabulous trip, one of the best I’ve ever had in this country.  We went to Terranea Resort and Spa in Rancho Palos Verdes, just a short 45 minutes from LAX.  I would highly recommend it.  It was a fabulous resort – the room was fantastic, it had a great variety of restaurants on-site, and the service was fantastic.  It was sooo relaxing.  It was exactly what I needed.  I was surprised that A-Train treated and was into this vacation because it isn’t his style.  But he was actually fun to hang out with – he reminded me of the A-Train that I met a long time ago.

I took much needed time away from work and computers.  I checked my email only once and that was it.  I happened to get a new phone last week and I was not able to connect it to work email before I left.  It was a blessing.  It was so nice to disconnect for such a long period of time. First time in quite a few years that I stepped away from work.

I’m slowly transitioning back to the work world this week.  I’m not doing an exceptional job at it.  Good thing that tomorrow is Friday!

I have some great plans this weekend, one of which is to sit by a pool, sipping wine and catching up with my girlfriends.  Sort of like an extension of my fabulous vacation.  Living the dream.  🙂

Home For Memorial Day Weekend.

photoI’m home from Nashville.  I arrived home in CA last Friday with some sort of ailment from being in the “dome” (aka Nashville Gaylord hotel) for so long.  Funny thing – I just did a search for Nashville Gaylord so I could provide a link and what is auto-populated in my Google search?  Nashville Gaylord Hotel Virus.  I kid you not – take a look for yourself.  Anyway, I didn’t get fresh air for days – 4 days to be exact.  It was like being in Vegas or Orlando… maybe that is what caused my dementia.  I’m feeling a bit better now, even though I did catch something while away and am recovering from some sort of head cold.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was on a business trip, and even with all my thoughts, I did manage to get out and connect with my customers, who have now become friends.  I’m lucky that I can talk to anyone about anything, my life experience has given me that.  For that I should be grateful.  It is a gift – and works out perfectly for the role I play in my work life.

On a personal front I can be a bit of a recluse.  I love my alone time.  I spend all my days talking to people, negotiating priorities, and solving problems.  I get tired of talking on the phone and dealing with other people’s wants, needs, desires.    Having a bit of quiet time in the evenings work for me – quiet time to decompress.  I realize that I soon will need to get out and meet other people. People outside of work and my safe, familiar friend network.  Someday that will happen, I’m just not ready yet. And that is o.k..  I’m o.k. with it…

So I have no plans for this long weekend.  Do you? Are you doing anything fun by yourself? with others?  The picture above is the good company I keep during my quiet periods..Sophie is never more than 2 feet from me at all times.  Aren’t I lucky?

 

New Year is Here. I’m Ready.

perfect sunrise-j3imageryI’m super excited about the New Year. The last few years have not been good for me.  That’s why I’ve not written – no one needs another sad sob story to read or relate to.  BUT, changes have been underway, and 2015 is going to be a great year.  Which I’m happy to share.  Not the Facebook “I’m great and my family is perfect” kind of post/dialog, but a real-life, grateful that I’m here without all the “god bless” and “thank you god” shit.  God didn’t help me down or up, it was all me.  And I’m taking all the credit for it.  I waited patiently for something to happen and nothing did. When I got sick of waiting, shit happened. I MADE IT HAPPEN.  I did it.  I realized the problem, I fixed it, or at the very least have started pushing the ball in a forward motion.

Anyway, the last couple of years have been horrible.  Every time I felt like the tide was turning in my favor, I was wrong.  Life socked it to me, year over year.  and it didn’t get better for a very long time.  Until 5 months ago.  When I decided to stop waiting, things started changing.  What did I do? I stopped being so passive.  I stopped waiting for:

  • Work to recognize me and I recognized me. I recognized the amount of time I put into a job that I loved but wasn’t paying me back – financially or professionally.
  • My boyfriend to save me.  He has means and he likes to share.  Just so happens that it’s not with me. And that is o.k.  I can fix what I created….  and I’ve started down that path. When I succeed, I’ll know I did it, that it was all me.. (there will be a lot of discussion on what a Parter is in 2015)

And now I’m going to get out of my own way and I’m going to make shit happen.  I felt old, tired, and irrelevant a few months ago.  I’m moving towards feeling younger, revitalized, and more creative…..  I’ll outline my plan in my New Years Resolution post..

Exciting things to come this year.. yeah for me, yeah for 2015!  I hope you all have or feel the same level of excitement and energy.  If not, I get it, believe me I do..

 

New Year is A’Coming.

big-changes-coming-soonI get SUPER EXCITED about the New Year – I see it as an opportunity for reflection and change.  I love to look back on the year, see where I am, where I am not, as compared to my goals and aspirations.

This year was the first year I did not write down my resolutions – and I’m paying for it.  I have no way to measure myself, and I feel like I wasted most of the year.  I gave up on 2014 about 4-5 months ago.  A lost year for me.  I wanted to do so much, but did almost none of what I wanted.  This year, I’m starting early.

I feel like I’ve already started on my 2015 resolutions. I do not want another year to go by and be in the same place.  I’m serious about making a plan and working that plan….

One of the biggest changes that happened already is a job change.  I really wanted to call Zuora home, but they were like family that only wants you to stay a few days, not for a while.  I tried my best to stay, worked really hard to do something amazing. . Alas, I clued in that we weren’t on the same page so I moved on.  Bums me out as I loved the technology and all my customers…  but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.  I’ve been at the new company for a month now, so far so good.  I’m taking a lead, doing what I love (to organize things, make a difference), and learning new things.  I am looking forward to finding my professional home – the place that feels like home when I’m not home. So far so good.  So far there aren’t any real politics that I can see, just a great bunch of good, solid, really smart people all working towards the same objective/goal/outcome.  Great technology and culture.  I feel like I fit in.  It will be a matter of time before I figure out if I do or not.

I’ve spent the last 10 months trying to break up with A-Train.  I love him, but I’m convinced we are not meant to be a couple. For a variety of excuses reasons, It hasn’t happened yet.  He is a super nice guy, I love being around him, we just aren’t a good team.  My fear of losing him as a friend stops me from doing what is best for the both of us.  Although I still do not know why in the world he wants to be with me – I’m a horrible girlfriend.  I will someday provide a list of all the ways I’m a horrible girlfriend….

Anyway, one resolution is to write more.  I like to write, its therapeutic for me, and I love the advice/wisdom I get from my readers.  So expect more this year from me. I’m ready to deliver.

Keep me honest folks – hold me to my goals and commitments!

 

 

 

Indian in Chinatown.

apple-amongst-orangesYep. I have found and am eating at the only Non-Chinese restaurant in Melbourne’s Chinatown district.  Well, to be fair, it is the only Non-Chinese, Non-American establishment within 2 blocks of my hotel in the Melbourne Chinatown district.  And its a Sunday night, and there isn’t much open on a Sunday night.

I find this choice much like the choices I’ve made while on my life’s journey – against the grain.  I have opted to NOT eat at the 1000 Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, noodle houses, etc. near me.  I’ve picked the one Indian restaurant around – Jaisalmer Palace.  The food – delicious. I would definitely come here again, what a find!  But the bigger question – Why do I pick the one place that isn’t “normal”?  Whatever causes this type of thinking, I was born with it.  But enough about me, let’s talk about me!  Just kidding (sort of).  Let’s talk about my day/weekend.

  • First, I am in fucking Melbourne Australia!  Yes, that’s right, Melbourne. Only one of the best cities on this planet.  It’s San Francisco, but better (nicer people, generally happier people, less ego driven, more relaxed, etc..). It’s like Italy, but better (it actually has a sustainable and growing economy)..  would I move here? In a heart beat!
  • And one of my very dearest, best friends lives here. Lets call her Smiles from now on, because she has one of the best smiles ever. Its taken me 10+ years to get back to Melbourne and be in her presence. Seeing her for the first time, again, it was like no time had passed, It’s like we haven’t skipped a beat. Catching up with her, our lives, and visiting with her family makes me feel truly alive and lucky.  Last time I was in Australia, I visited with Smiles and her immediate family (mum, dad, sisters, etc)  and had more fun than any one person should have in a lifetime, let alone 2+ weeks.  10 years later, we are both in very different places, and we are still as connected.  She shared her life openly.  We were swinging singles back then (not really, single yes, swinging, no).   She now shares her life with a handsome Aussie and 2 kids..   Spending the day with her and her family made me feel so lucky – I’ve done something right because someone I love to the end of this earth just shared a day in her life with me without reservation.  How lucky am I??
  • AND (I know, it gets even better!!) one of my newest besties is ALSO living in Melbourne.  I got to catch up with her, introduce her and her hubby to Smiles, and who knows… maybe another connection made.

This weekend, for me, is what life is what MY life is all about.  Connecting with people who I love dearly.  I know I don’t have kids, and I will not carry on the typical “legacy”, but that is o.k..  I live, I love, and I feel loved.  And being in this space, where I love openly, where I feel loved, isn’t that what life is about?  Taking care of those we cherish?  Knowing who to cherish and why?  I spent what felt like a lifetime in a marriage with someone who didn’t love me – didn’t truly love my quirkiness… and it took its toll on me. I bring it up now only because it’s taken me 5+ years to close this insecurity.  I have fewer and fewer why didn’t it work” moments (not just with the Ex but with My Mr. Big, Mr. Showtime, and the like, which you can catch up on by reading The Roster (which I will update soon enough)) and more and more “here we go” hands-up-in-the-air roller coaster moments.

So, while trying not to be philosophical, life has been a roller coaster and I’ve often felt out-of-place.  But today, this weekend, while sitting in this Indian restaurant 15000 mile away in a city I love because its near a bestie, I realize, I’m in exactly the right place for me.  Which is the path that 99% of the people would NOT take. I get that, and I’m learning to be o.k. with it.  And more and more I’m better than o.k. with it, I’m LUCKY to have had this path.  Definitely not what I pictured for myself, but truly lucky to have experienced it thus far.

O.k. now I need to leave this restaurant, go back to the hotel, and get ready for work tomorrow.  There are a few other things I want to write about – such as saving a super drunk girl from herself last night (my first night with an Aussie wink wink was not what you would ever guess/think), the Melbourne lights night that was super crowded, to meeting strangers at the Exec Lounges (and I love it!!). So many stories, so little time!