Resignation

Do Blondes Have More Fun? Aka the 2nd Day of The Rest Of My Life.

PaulasPonderings5 Comments

AtomicBlonde2017

I am was a brunette.  No longer. Things are different as of tonight.

I started going grey very early… in my early 30’s.  I went completely grey in my late 30’s. I blame AbFab – as much as I love her, while she lived with me, she stressed me out!  All is well now, but it was bumpy there for a while.

The first time I dyed my hair was a few months before my wedding… over 15 years ago.  As (un)luck would have it, my hair grows fast. So I have thin hair, not much of it, but what I do have grows like a weed.  Which is great until you start going grey at an alarming rate.  For 15 years I have been dying my hair every 3-4 weeks.  When I can make it to the salon I do, sometimes I have to do it myself.  Either way, it’s a pain in the ass and something I was doing religiously because I am (was) self-conscious about the “skunk stripe”.

SIDE RANT:  Why do we have pills for erectile disfunction, but nothing for women going grey??  I know why – because men are scientists, they have the money, say where the money goes… but god damn it, why can’t they invest in research that would deliver a pill that will stop hair from going grey!??! Why!?

Tonight I was at the salon, going for another “Skunk stripe” coverup.  I am sooo fed up with this routine…  I just want to remove this task from my forever growing to-do list.  I have been researching solutions/options on going grey naturally.  A few sites I referenced:

I went in for a discussion… Walked away making a decision.

Instead of going full grey (which I will do one day), I decided to go Blonde.  Yep. Blonde. Bleached Blonde.

So many options, why did I go this route? Because grey isn’t an option for me in this stage of my career.  I just resigned (another blog post soon!) and I need to find full time employment. I am 47 – smart as hell, but being 47 in an industry (tech) where agism is rampant, the cards are already stacked against me. Don’t believe me?  See here, here, and here . Most women are washed up after 35, “too qualified” is what they call it.   I’m lucky I look young and have made it this far.  But shit howdy, if I showed up for an interview with a skunk stripe or with a full head of grey hair…… forgettaboutit.

So now I am a Bleached Blonde.  I do still have a skunk stripe, but it is not nearly as noticeable as it used to be (somehow grey and blonde blend). Why didn’t I also rid myself of the skunk stripe?  Because I want to wait and see.. get over the shock of what I’ve just done, adjust to the blonde…  and figure out the next steps at my next appointment.  Which is in 2 weeks.  In the meantime, I will be using a “purple shampoo” when I wash my hair (forget why this is important) and otherwise conditioning the hell out of my hair (bleaching dries your hair considerably).

My resignation was a choice – I am changing up my life. Worked sucked. Everyday was horrible. I had become depressed, it was having a direct negative impact on my outlook on life.  My manager (a she) was the worst. Talk about microaggression – if there was an Olympic award for this, she would easily win the gold.  I’m wise and financially stable enough to know I don’t have to put up with his.  Yes I went to HR. Over 6 months ago. They did nothing. HR is in place to protect the company… not the employee.  I have so many stories.. and will definitely write more about this.

For now, I am focused on taking care of myself.  I started a 6 week bootcamp to whip my ass back into shape (20 lb weight loss or 6% fat loss guaranteed or my money back!)..  I’ve bleached my hair, and I am searching for a job that I am passionate about (cybersecurity here I come!!)..

So today is the 2nd day of the rest of my life.  Let’s do this adventure together!!

Would love your words of wisdom, tips, tricks, or any advice you have… I could certainly use the support while I transition to a new, healthier, happier way of life.

Muah.

life-is-too-short-to-wait-lettering-phrase-vector-17321008

Letter of Resignation.

PaulasPonderings5 Comments

I did it today. Resigned from my current job.  It feels good to no longer tolerate a very bad working situation.  It also feels unfinished to me – I would absolutely not be leaving if it weren’t for the actions and behavior of one person.  But for my physical and mental health, for my relationships – with my boyfriend, my friends, I cannot continue forward on my current path.

I looked up the word resignation on the internet…  the definition is ‘relinquishment of responsibility’.  Synonyms include abandonment, giving up, leaving, quitting, surrender, withdrawal…  Harsh words.

My optimistic side tells me to look at the bright side – that I’m taking control of a bad situation, turning a new leaf, making a healthy decision, choosing a different path. My very thoughtful boyfriend ATrain tells me that this bad situation has pushed me into a new opportunity that I might not have otherwise have seen/taken.  Unicorns is proud of and excited for me.

For now, I’m brooding. I’m unsettled, uncomfortable. Maybe it’s just the circumstances.  Maybe it’s the change.  Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve made some bad professional decisions in the past. Maybe it’s because I’ve had so much change in my life over the last 4 years.  But I’ve never had to leave a job before.  I guess there is a first time for everything.

For those of you interested, here is my resignation letter in its entirety.   Name replaced to protect the guilty.

Please accept this email as official notification of my intent to resign from my position as a Sr. Solution Consultant two weeks from now.  My last day will be Friday, Oct. 26th.  

Over the last two years, I have been inspired by the talent and professionalism of my colleagues and by the power and flexibility of this amazing product.  That has made my decision to leave the company especially difficult.  However, since I began working with Man Hands, I have been in turmoil. 

I have always believed that the surest path to success is for an EA and an SC to work as partners, to collaborate on account strategy and to communicate transparently with each other.  Unfortunately, Man Hands does not share this point of view.  She has been consistently mistrustful of me without cause, has withheld information from me that is critical to my success and to our company’s success at Cisco, and has attempted to tarnish my reputation with colleagues.  And despite the fact that I have gone well beyond the call of duty, logging 12-15 hour days and consistently working weekends for the last six months, her attitude towards me remains unchanged.  Working under such stressful conditions has become mentally and physically debilitating and for that reason, I must resign.

Resigning for these reasons is extremely disconcerting, but, given the circumstances, I don’t feel I have much choice. Senior management does not seem troubled by Man Hands abusive behavior toward me,  therefore, I doubt that any change is imminent.  I have really enjoyed working with you, our team, and the SE organization.  I am passionate about the technology and have really enjoyed being on the forefront of building strong relationships with companies like XXX and XXXX.  And I want to thank you for being a wonderful manager. I appreciate more than you know your support during some of the most difficult times I’ve had professionally.  I know you did everything you could to improve my working conditions and I appreciate that.  I sincerely hope that my resignation does not reflect adversely upon you in any way.

Please let me know if I can provide any assistance with the transition. I would be glad to provide whatever support I can during my remaining time with the company.

And with this letter, I have officially resigned.  I feel good about letting them know why, but I know it still doesn’t change anything. It is what it is.