Thoughts & Experiences

Work is Brutal and Rewarding.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

Short post… I had a HUGE demo today….  I pulled it off.. largely because:

  • I had A+++ colleagues supporting me
  • I had the best training ever
  • I’m an  experienced professional (in software dummies)
  • I practiced the hell out of the presentation and demo (can we say OCD?????)

OMG, it went so well… You could not ask for a better outcome.  So now I’m heading to bed – catching an early flight home to SFO.  God if feels good to finally contribute (vs. being a cost center) to my company.  Honestly, I have the best job in the world – work with phenomenal people (“m the weakest link), I learn something new every day, and I get to meet the most interesting people (at prospect/client sites).

I know, the PollyAnna is coming out in me.  Deal… I’m in heaven peeps!!

Serendipity.

PaulasPonderings3 Comments

OMG..  what a day. I’ve not only done what I’ve never done before, I’ve done it with someone I never thought I would do it with!!

I know, what kind of story do I have to share??!?!  Interested??!!?  Me too.   Learning something new about myself every day.

So, today was a travel day.  I had to travel back East for work …  it takes a while to travel from the West Coast to the East Coast..   I flew JetBlue (SO disappointed that they didn’t have wifi this time).. anyway, I sat down, did my normal thing… yada yada.  There was a seat change right before the flight took off.  A good looking black man got stuck in the middle seat.  Oh well, my thought was he isn’t fat so the trip will be just fine. 

We started chatting, he was really interesting.  We talked almost the whole tim (this is a 5 hour 30 minute flight)….. and he invited me to dinner when we landed.  Now I would NEVER normally do this, but I felt safe AND I have to say, finding a place to eat in Boston after 11pm has proven to be a very big challenge.  So, he knew of a place that was open, we went to dinner, shared a bottle of wine, had fantastic conversation… He then dropped me off at my hotel and guess what?  He invited me to dinner AGAIN on Tuesday.  I have a date in Boston.. my first one! 

So, first, lets take a look at this – this man is 38 (not the 50-55 range that I like), he is black (never even gone there, don’t know anything about this)…  and is really smart in a scientifc way ( he is a multiple degreed scientist who owns his own company that does something with artificial intelligence around genetics (biotech)).. 

O.k. so not the type I spend my time looking for, but honestly, I was intriqued by him – so interesting (so young… ) but I was so comfortable being my oh so charming fun self.  I shared a few personal things, like my addicton to chapstick, ice, and the Amalfi Coast .  None of these things scared him off…  Yes, I’ll let him know of the other things on the “list” in due time..   😉

Crazy day.. Had to share it with my readers…  Beats the last entry by a long shot!!!

It’s a shocker for me…   Letting go, meeting people, and stepping and letting life take me somewhere new and intersting…  Ahhh….. so good.

Got The Message. Loud And Clear.

PaulasPonderings7 Comments

As much as I don’t want to admit this, I’m going to.  Blogs are a great way to keep it honest….I want to learn from this .. and I want other women to learn from this.

So, the guy I went on a brunch date with last week, the one I really liked (its been a while since I have felt that tingle.. that excitement and desire to get to know someone)  … and that he said he liked me (he did invite me back to his home after our date AND asked me out for Tuesday)…. is not interested. Yes, I got the message on Tuesday night when he texted me from a meat market happy hour instead of calling me to make dinner arrangements.  BUT,  I wanted him to say it.  So I sent him an email.. here is what it said:

“Gosh XXXX, I sure hope you have not fallen off the face of the planet.. that  would be bad news. Anyway, Woody Allen’s new movie, Midnight in Paris is opening this week.  Being a Woody Allen fan, I’m definitely going to see it sometime this weekend/next week.  You care to join me?”

His response, below. Mind you, this is the man who did not want me to leave our date (but I had to), invited me back to his house mere hours after our date to “warm his couch”…  Returned this email, timing wise, a mere 5 days AFTER our first date….

“Thanks for the update.  I think I have fallen off the planet.  You are a good person and I wish you good luck with everything you got going. I am going to be unavailable for a while.”

What did I do?  I thanked him for his honesty.. which I do appreciate.  My only guess is that he met someone between our date on Sunday and scheduled date on Tuesday that piqued his interest….    Good for him, nothing wrong with that…  Just saying’ dating can be a challenge.

What I’ve learned is that I still got it – I can meet someone and get that tingly feeling, that excitement of wanting to know more about someone.  I spent a lot of time dating this year, waiting and wondering when that feeling would come…  Its nice to know that I can get it… 

I don’t know what this means for me or interenet dating.. My profile is hidden on the sites I was using …  I’m going to lay low for now.  Online dating does bring people together that wouldn’t otherwise meet, but I’ve not had any luck with that… so I’m going to stick close to home for now.. just get out more, do new and different things, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll meet someone who makes me tingle..  🙂

Much Better.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

Today was a fabulous day…  I picked up my Grey Goose, returned a skirt to Banana Republic without a hassle, and then went to my favorite restaurant and had a salad and glass of wine…  I took my book with me, so I really took my time, enjoyed my lunch, my drink, the sunshine.  It was a slow time in town, it was 3pm ish..  It was nice to soak up the sunshine and a great meal during a relatively calm time during the day.

The bonus is that a girlfriend, Feisty Filly joined me for a quick bite and drink!  Totally unexpected, it just worked out, but we caught up and it was just the thing I needed…  a friend.  She of course told me I looked fabulous (and much younger than my age)…  and that Mr. Meat Market Texter is crazy stupid).  Here here sister!!!  🙂

So, I’m almost done with my pity party.  I get it, life sometimes is a box or rocks…  I’ve opened the box, I don’t like what I see, I’ve now closed the box…  and tomorrow, the box is off to its new home at the Goodwill. 

I have a great weekend planned… I will be hanging with  my fabulous friends and am scheduled to drink just a tiny bit too much on Sunday (Customer Appreciation party at my favorite restaurant…. gotta go!!!)..

Lastly, I didn’t get much work done, which means I have to get up very early tomorrow to get it done.  It’s a small price to pay for the time spent today re-energizing my mind, body, and soul.

I Know Just The Thing To Fix My Somber Mood.

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

So, I was feeling a bit down today… a bit bummed about Mr. Meat Market Texter…    Honestly, I thought I had read that situation differently.  Oh well.. I have found a way to pick myself right up!

I had a great converstaion with Unicorns this morning.. we talked about anything and everything.  Its been a while since we’ve caught up – it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good to hear her voice and commiserate about how sometimes life just gives you a box of  rocks.  She is the best!  And she is considering coming back to the Bay  Area… so excited just thinking about the potential… all the trouble we will find fun we will have!

I also ran out of Greg Goose Vodka (I know, the shame of it all)….. I only had enough for one Pomegranite Martini last  night.  So just now, I ordered myself the big bottle from BevMo.com.. I go pick it up this afternoon….  I’m giddy with excitement.  Momma is coming to get you Goosy!

And this will help me get out of the house .. finally.   I’ve been at my home, working,  probably in the very same clothes I sit and type this entry in … for what now, 3 days?  Since Sunday evening.  I know…too much time alone in one place, I’m feeling a bit like a shut-in.  I absolutely have to get out of this house before I go completely crazy.  So the errand I will get myself all gussied up for is my BevMo pickup.

I am also going to put on a summer dress and sit outside somewhere and let my skin soak up some of the Bay Area’s finest sunshine…  

O.k.. so to make my day a “dream come true” I have to get out of my cat hair fur lined fleece jacket, get into the shower, and pretty myself up!  Yeah for me!!!

The Ones You Want Are Aloof, The Ones You Don’t Want Are Available.

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I know, I know you all know what I’m talking about.  Relationship irony.

So, my date last Saturday is perfectly nice.  He is young (he’s 42 age wise, but very inexperienced.. and sorry GGD, he doesn’t like Sushi.. or fish in general… or any other meat besides chicken…).  The way he has about him reminds me of my EX (not a good thing at all).. and the little things that I saw would begin to bug me real soon (yes, I know myself that well – as adorable as he is now… he would grate on my nerves in about 3 weeks).

But, I had another date this weekend – a brunch date on Sunday… I didn’t mention it because I didn’t think much about it… it was with a guy I’d been emailing with since April…  our schedules finally alligned and we went to brunch.  I am was so happy I followed thru, he was so interesting to me.  I was intrigued… and attracted to him.  He is older (which I loooovvvee).. he is a professional/exec type, and he’s a bit rough around the edges in the sense that he doesn’t care necessarily what others think.  Not unprofessional or offensive, just comfortable in his own skin to be his own person.  This package is yummy to me.

Anyway, the brunch date went very well, and we parted ways even though both of us didn’t want to .. I was drawn to him, he said that he didn’t want the day to end… even invited me back to his place so my bottom could keep his couch warm…(it was funnyat the time, not gross like it sounds now).   Since I could not join him and his couch we made a plan to meet today, Tuesday.

I was excited, didn’t do anything but work hard all day so I could enjoy some time with him… and guess what?  He finally texted me 30 minutes ago … told me his day was crazy and asked how I was doing.  I am still working because he didn’t call and I kept my evening open for our date!  He, however, was enjoying a “fu fu cocktail” at a local bar/pick up joint.  So, I sat at home, didn’t double book myself AND was actually looking forward to spending time with Mr. Brunch… and he was off, busy busy having Happy Hour at a meat market… .Hmmm…  I’d say his actions speak much louder than his words. Good thing I’m a pro at spotting this type of behavior now.

In the meantime, Mr. Ex Look-Alike emailed me and asked me out again!  Thank god Im busy this weekend (I really have a hard time lying to guys who are interested).

And of course, Chicken Legs wants to get together this week.  I forgot to tell you’all that I finally broke up with him.. not that we were ever going out, but I said, once again,  VERY CLEARLY that I’m not interested in dating him.  Friends only or nothing.  He said he got it…..  but he has just let me know he will be in my neck of the woods tomorrow and wants to see me.  I’ve not responded yet… I’m still in that “uggghhhhhh” thought.

Anyway, I’m working from home this week and thought I’d have a few fun events to discuss… nope.  Still sitting at home, working. Not out and about hanging with good looking older men (which I loooovvveee).

So, I pose the question – how do you get the person you like to like you without being fake… or rediculous.. or a slut… or too available?  Hmmm… men, weigh in on this one, give us ladies good, useful tips….

Salt Free Beans For a Year.

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

So, I’m sure your question is, what  is this single, foot loose and fancy free woman writing about … salt free beans? What IS there to say about salt free beans????

Everything I tell you.  I had a date tonight. Date #2 with a guy…(I don’t think he is going to be around enough to give him a nickname)  my first date with him was last week, tonight was the second.  He is cute enough… charming enough.. interesting enough.  He is totally into me (which is flattering).  He took me to what I consider the nicest place in the town – great food, great atmosphere, and it is not cheap.    He didn’t dress up (I did, and I looked hot!!).  All in all, it was a nice evening, certainly nothing to complain about.

 But I have to say, I would take this evening and gladly trade it in for a year of salt-free bean dinners/evenings with my My Mr. Big.  We would find recipes to experiment with ….  enjoy each others company, talk, laugh.. have great sex.  All things I miss dearly.  I know that I’ve got to stop comparing potential candidates with the love of my past.  Tonight I finally realized that I’m actively seeking someone to replace him… and nothing/nobody can do that. He was something special – we had something that just worked.  

I get it – the goal is to find someone new….someone that is available,  that is interested in spending time with me, AND that I’m interested in spending time with.   I’ve not been able to do that yet…..  Anyone have advice on how to do this?

So with that, I will bid you good night…   and will write my next entry about the live bird the cats brought in 5 minutes before my date showed up….

I’m Back.

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So, I arrived back in CA a week ago with a virus…  I was sick, down and out until Friday.   Thank god I started feeling better, I had a lot of stuff I wanted to accomplish…   I didn’t get most of them done, but hey, I had a great weekend!  The one thing that I crossed off my to-do list was organizing my office – I picked up, assembled, and organized my new bookcase.  Check it out, isnt she gorgeous?  Unpacked a few boxes and sold a few unneeded pieces of furniture on craigslist. 

I also had 2 dates this weekend, both were attractive and interesting, I’m definitely going out with both of them again.  I don’t know how it happened, it just did.  Just residual/leftovers from the dating website (which I suspended a few weeks ago).   Spontaneity at its best I tell ya.

On top of it all (I know, busy busy!!)  I had dinner with my friend Feisty Filly and her hubby Money.  I love these two – so much fun every single time.   The other was a spontaneous evening out – my new man girlfriend (from my roster)..  the clouds disappeared, he called, we went to Half Moon Bay to have Bloody Mary’s and walk the beach.  It was awesome.

But alas, the 3 day weekend has come to a close and its back to work for me.  I have a big work week ahead of me…. BUT I have so much to share… like last night, after dinner with Feisty, I was driving home, and about a block away from my home I see a cat bolt across the street.  I could tell by the body shape (my little shiny sausage) and walk that it was my Sophie!  A block away, darting in front of a moving car.  I stop the car immediately, open the driver’s side door and call out to her… and she came sauntering to the car.. hopped right in.. and I drove her home!  She is so damn funny – it was like calling in a teenager (except she listens).  I wished I had recorded it, it’s a classic “Sophie is really the boss” moment.

O.k. I’ll share more…  try to do a story a night .. and I’ll post when I’m flying to/from my prospect meeting (yes, airlines now have wi-fi!!).

Date With My Utah Realtor.

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I’m in Utah now.. a different world.  Completely different world.  Its so interesting to me – that 2 hours flight from my home in the beautiful Bay Area brings me to a world that I  barely know/relate to.

Tonight I went out with my realtor.  He’s a 70+ year-old man… I’ve known him since 2003 when I purchased my first rental property from him.  I’ve bought and sold a half dozen properties thru him. We are friends, and I see him every time I come into town. We are the same in the sense that we support our family members…  He has daughters/nieces/nephews that he cares tremendously for…. I have the same.  We compare war stories… we laugh about our “single” lives, make fun of our married friends, the provo/Utah Valley “bubble”… you know, we connect. 

Tonight we met for dinner. 8 years of friendship.. life changes, life tragedies (divorces, death of his mother, etc), acceptance, new friends.. etc..  the full cycle.  I assumed it would be the same as it always was.  Nope. Not tonight.  We didn’t have the same ‘”as it always was night”…  For whatever reason, he couldn’t even look at me. He said I was too pretty.  He kept looking away. He asked if I lost weight….  He couldn’t pin-point it.. but something was different for him.  We got thru the night and enjoyed each other, but it was awkward at times.

I have not lost an ounce  since I saw him last… done nothing different… I showed up tonight in a casual dress with a sweater, casual makeup, big smile, and happy to see him attitude.  The only difference between tonight and 6 months ago – me being more comfortable in my skin.  Thats right, no weight loss, no dramatic changes…  just me. Me at 40.  I’m different, I’m better.  Yes older, but so consciously happy and comfortable with where I am.  I know, I have no man, no prospects of a man (society must be ready to hang themselves). But I have great friends, a job I love, and in general, a very good life. 

So the picture I’ve added is of us.. without our faces.  He always wears the same outfit – jeans, long sleeve shirt, and a lizard/gator vest.   Cracks me up – I dont think I’ve ever met up with him and he didn’t have it on….  He never leaves home without it.  This, I know, will never change — The Vest.  Here it is, in all its glory.

Missing What I Can’t Have.

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Tonight was a great night. I spent the evening with a few girlfriends that I’ve not seen forever, but that are forever with me. We met 16 years ago – and caught up this evening. Honestly, we haven’t skipped a beat.  And we all look exactly the same (yes, young and gorgeous!!!).

I’m home now, reminiscing, and as good as the evening went/felt,  I feel somewhat like a loser.  I thoroughly enjoyed this evening, but I cam home with a sense of loss.  I am missing My Mr. Big tonight.  It’s just a feeling I can’t push out of my head, my heart.  I can’t help but feel how nice it would have been to see him, be with him.  He hasn’t been a part of my life in a  consistent, supportive way for 8-9 months or so now. Its a silly, stupid feeling.  I know, super silly…  but I do miss him.  Why are some people harder to forget than others? Why do certain people have an impact and others are as forgettable as the last rain?  Tonight, I miss My Mr. Big more than I should.  More than I certainly want to, more than I should be given what we “officially” shared. 

So, I’ve taken a sleeping pill…  I’m crossing my fingers that it will help me fall asleep, forget my losses…  and gets me through the night so I can move on tomorrow and act as if nothing is wrong, nothing is missing….