Pain

No Results Yet.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

My mom still doesn’t know whats wrong with her.. Except that she is exhausted all the time, the sharp pain in her arm, shoulder, then head is very painful, and she is learning to like pain meds (I told her it would happen!!)… 

Doctor was out of the office, only works part time. And apparently Friday is a day off for him. Great.  A doctor on semi-retirment. I support it UNTIL it effects me.  My mom suggested it might be time for a new doctor…  yeahhh, I think so!!.  One that works full time and realizes that people are actually anxious about test results… and waiting for 3 DAYS (thru a long weekend) to find out the results is UNEXCEPTABLE.  Gees.  My mom said its a “bit frustrating”….   You think so? I’m pissed!!! My mom is so patient…

So, Monday is the earliest we will find out what is “wrong”.  What I do know is that my mom is tired… she doesn’t know whats wrong, Is ready to chalk it up to a pinched nerve…..   I want to know and I want to know right now. Knowing whats wrong means that we can fix it.. make my mom all better.  Get her back to “good as new”….  

I’m just frustrated with the lack of information and the lack of urgency on the doctor (and their offices) part …   Seems so callous, so uncaring, so removed…  bugs me.

Missing What I Can’t Have.

PaulasPonderings4 Comments

Tonight was a great night. I spent the evening with a few girlfriends that I’ve not seen forever, but that are forever with me. We met 16 years ago – and caught up this evening. Honestly, we haven’t skipped a beat.  And we all look exactly the same (yes, young and gorgeous!!!).

I’m home now, reminiscing, and as good as the evening went/felt,  I feel somewhat like a loser.  I thoroughly enjoyed this evening, but I cam home with a sense of loss.  I am missing My Mr. Big tonight.  It’s just a feeling I can’t push out of my head, my heart.  I can’t help but feel how nice it would have been to see him, be with him.  He hasn’t been a part of my life in a  consistent, supportive way for 8-9 months or so now. Its a silly, stupid feeling.  I know, super silly…  but I do miss him.  Why are some people harder to forget than others? Why do certain people have an impact and others are as forgettable as the last rain?  Tonight, I miss My Mr. Big more than I should.  More than I certainly want to, more than I should be given what we “officially” shared. 

So, I’ve taken a sleeping pill…  I’m crossing my fingers that it will help me fall asleep, forget my losses…  and gets me through the night so I can move on tomorrow and act as if nothing is wrong, nothing is missing….