Missing What I Can’t Have.

Tonight was a great night. I spent the evening with a few girlfriends that I’ve not seen forever, but that are forever with me. We met 16 years ago – and caught up this evening. Honestly, we haven’t skipped a beat.  And we all look exactly the same (yes, young and gorgeous!!!).

I’m home now, reminiscing, and as good as the evening went/felt,  I feel somewhat like a loser.  I thoroughly enjoyed this evening, but I cam home with a sense of loss.  I am missing My Mr. Big tonight.  It’s just a feeling I can’t push out of my head, my heart.  I can’t help but feel how nice it would have been to see him, be with him.  He hasn’t been a part of my life in a  consistent, supportive way for 8-9 months or so now. Its a silly, stupid feeling.  I know, super silly…  but I do miss him.  Why are some people harder to forget than others? Why do certain people have an impact and others are as forgettable as the last rain?  Tonight, I miss My Mr. Big more than I should.  More than I certainly want to, more than I should be given what we “officially” shared. 

So, I’ve taken a sleeping pill…  I’m crossing my fingers that it will help me fall asleep, forget my losses…  and gets me through the night so I can move on tomorrow and act as if nothing is wrong, nothing is missing….

4 thoughts on “Missing What I Can’t Have.

  1. paulasponderings May 18, 2011 / 1:42 am

    Harold – you are right again! I can never replace him. We were magic together IMO.. that is irreplaceable. I do need to move on…. I do think that my problem has been that I’ve held on to hope.. I do keep thinking there is a slight chance he will come back.. but as time moves forward, it becomes more and more clear that that isn’t going to happen. So, I definitely need to settle into my life, take hold of the steering wheel, and move my ship in anoter direction.



  2. Harold Spain May 14, 2011 / 8:01 pm

    Paula if I did not know you had a twin I would swear we are twins. The missing ex is just the worst, I know. 4 plus years on and I am still haunted.

    My only advise is to keep the great memories in a good place and not on the “bitter pill” shelf. Like I do from time to time.

    Remember your feelings were genuine and honest. That is why he haunts you still. No matter where you look or who you see, it will never “replace” him.

    Really accepting that will make it a little easier to deal. Then you may move forward.

    be well H.S.


  3. Grey Goose, Dirty May 14, 2011 / 4:49 pm

    😦 I’m so sorry you felt this way (hopefully it has passed by now). It’s tough not to miss the one’s that were important in your life at one time and I know how get togethers with old friends can trigger the memories.

    We all have losses in our lives, but the wonderful things far outweigh them. You’ve had the same friends for 16 years! Do you know how amazing that is?


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