Relationships

Building The Roster Once Again.

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There are a bajillion things I should be doing other than what I am doing… What I should be doing is:

  • out and about enjoying this amazing California sunshine
  • running a bunch of errands
  • doing my 2010 taxes
  • doing my expenses

Instead, I decided that The Roster is nearly empty once again and I need to fill it back up.  Empty why you may ask?

  • MM Lebanese guy – he is traveling extensively this month.. I was out-of-town last month (in Hotlanta)… I like  him, but its going to be a while before we have a chance to reconnect.  Not sure if the distance makes someone grow fonder. In my experience it does not – its been more of an out-of-site-out-of-mind thing.  I do hope he keeps in touch and calls when he returns, I would like to see him again.  But I’m not going to hold my breath….
  • Middle Seat Airplane guy – The beautiful black man I met on the airplane.  Yum!  Anyway, I’ll be in Boston later this month.. I sent him a witty email about my visit and asked him out. Yep, just went ahead and told him what I wanted – to see him again.  We shall see what he does.  If he doesn’t respond, I’m sad to say he will be off the roster. 
  • The Chef.  I had lunch with him.. He is definitely interested.  he finds me to be “one of a kind” – beautiful, kind, and sincere.  I know, he should be a keeper. But you know, he calls me EVERYDAY.  I feel stalked in a way… and maybe that’s because I don’t like him.  😦  I’ll have to do something about this one soon.

So what did I do to remedy this situation?  Took charge.  I’m a girl of action – I brought my online profiles back to life.  I checked out MillionaireMatch.com and returned a few emails, I reactivated my POF.com account, and I signed up for OkCupid.com.  I put the same profile and pictures on each site.  Here are my thoughts on these sites as of today.

MillionaireMatch.com

I love that there is a place to go and its about income.  Now I can’t get very granular in my search (only look for people in the State of CA for example), but you have to state your income and its visible..and verifiable.  I like this.  I do NOT want to date anyone that makes less than me.  So I really like this site for its honesty around finances.  I’ve got two suitors that I’m emailing with… One lives in Southern California, another lives here in Northern California.   I will definitely let you know if they turn into anything more substantial.

POF.com

Why why why did I reactive my profile?  I did a search for what I’m looking for, and it should not be at all shocking that most of the men that I saw months ago are the same ones that popped up.  And the guys that have reached out to me with winks, kisses, or whatever the flirting method on POF is… well, not that attractive or interesting.   There is one potential at this time – a man who I favorited actually wrote me and said he enjoyed my profile and would like to meet me.  A man who took initiative.  I like that.  So the ball is in his court as they say and I will let you know if anything happens.

OkCupid.com

I thought I would try this site out.  I like the interface, its easy and intuitive.  I had initially done a search online and found one guy that I thought was adorable and had a great profile.  So I registered,  completed my profile, added pictures, then favorited him.  THEN I read his profile.  And as cute and adorable he is, he’s allergic to cats.  I did send him an email letting him know I enjoyed his profile and a few other funny and witty comments.  But I do mention in my profile that I have cats, so my guess is that as charming as I am, I will not hear from him.  Bummer.  For now I’m going to just hang out on OKCupid and see what comes to me…

Oh, and one last note, the advice on the website is that women keep their dating pool open, date several men.. sorta like a roster…   I think OkCupid and I have the same philosophy on dating… 😉

Happy To Be Home.

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I’m home… slept in my bed for the first time in almost 2 weeks.  I love my bed, my home… I can’t tell you how happy I am to be home.

I spent the month in Atlanta … 4 full weeks, working on a Proof of Concept with a prospect.  I had a great team to work with – my company has the most amazing people (and the best technology).  I truly love my job.  We really rocked it – did a fantastic job, and successfully jumped another hurdle.  Although we have a lot of work to still do to close the deal, we are moving forward.  We are progressing and all signs are pointing us to a successful outcome.  Yeah for us!

On the personal side, my CA dating life was suspended.  I tried to meet up with both MM Guy and Middle Seat Airplane Guy the weekend I was home (8/12-14) but it didn’t work out (largely due to me changing our scheduled meet times). Bummed me out, but that’s the way it worked.  I do have a dinner date with MM Guy tomorrow, Saturday, and as luck would have it, the Executive Chef is available and wants to take me out on Sunday.  I am SO looking forward to a relaxing and pampered weekend.

Speaking of which, I am starting off well in this endeavour to relax and enjoy my weekend.  I’ve not done anything for work today even though I have stuff to do.  My brain just can’t take in anything today. I’m just hanging out at home, watching Sliding Doors, hanging with the cats. I am heading out for a 4pm pedicure, then drinks with CLicious.  I’m sure I’ll be to bed early tonight – I’m still on East coast time.

I’ll be home this weekend and the following week so I’ll get caught up on blog entries.. I have lots of ideas and stories to share, I just haven’t had time to get them all written out.

Have a great Friday everyone.

Procrastination At Its Best.

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Procrastination:  refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time.

The excuses begin valiantly with some exercise.  I just got back from a run with C-Licious.  It’s a gorgeous 75 degree day with a slight breeze.  I should be lounging by a pool in my new polka-dot string bikini, but alas I am not.  I’m still building demo scripts….. and not feeling that compelled to jump back into it.

So, today is your lucky day.. I feel like writing about a few things..

Harold and his desire for a 25-year-old.  Watching Harold make an ass of himself on Millionaire Matchmaker has stuck with me. Maybe it’s because I’m not 25, or maybe because its one of the stupidest things I’ve heard lately.  I’ve seen two things about older men dating younger women in the last two days:

  1. AskMen.com has something to say about it too.  Article is a fun read, clarifies the point that a relationship between an older man and younger woman is probably not ideal.   Obviously Harold missed it.  Someone should alert him that it is NOT actually easier to date a younger woman.  
  2. A rerun on MTV, a show I’ve never seen, part of a series of True Life – I’m Dating Someone Older.  Check out Amber and Bobby.  She’s 25, he’s 47…   He is busy working, she is immature and needy…  sounds/looks like a great situation all around.  It bounces in and out between two couples, but focus on this couple.  Better yet, someone send the link to Harold.  Doesn’t seem easier to me at all…

Secondly, a few weeks ago a  local dating service called and offered me a complimentary membership – they said that I was an ideal match for many of their paying members.  I went to their office and discussed the opportunity… and this week I just signed all the contracts and finished my profile.  So, apparently there are men out there that have PAID a service to find someone who is older, career-focused, fun, and fabulous (not to mention attractive and sexy!!).   It’s an old-school dating service – meaning it’s not online, they are about knowing their clientele.   So, they will present me with a few candidates, I get to pick the one I want to go out with …. Yes, I get to pick.  I cannot wait to see who they present me with, I’m pretty excited about it.  My profile is pretty specific…   Maybe, just maybe I will find that tall, handsome, successful, confident, compassionate, well-to-do man I’ve been looking for.

Thirdly, Girls night was last night.  What a great group of classy ladies.  We had so much fun…  I love these ladies, all successful, gorgeous, and fun.  We had drinks and dinner at a great Restaurant (food is fabulous, service is not good, I’ll be letting them know via Yelp), then walked up the street to this new bar/restaurant that was Fabulous!  One of the gals I was with knew the owner… and  just like that we were in. 

Lastly, I had an early morning this morning.  HulaHoops came over this morning, we played a bit of ping-pong in my woman-cave (otherwise known as the garage), then had berry-mango shakes to cool us down…  I drove her to school, where she ran off to the Fun House. Today is water day… she gets to play with water all day (she said  her favorite was buckets… I guess you get to pour a bucket of water over your head…. I wanted to stay with her ….. but alas, I was responsible and came home to work..

And this day is not over… I’ve got a date tonight….  which I will begin to get ready for in about 2 hours.  It’s so warm out, I will wear a dress and some sexy shoes… knock his socks off..  😉

O.k. Now I really have to get back to work….   Thanks for reading!

What a GREAT Weekend.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

So you would think that after my Friday travel day disaster that my weekend would be wrecked…. not so.  I had a fabulous weekend.

I usually do not plan anything on the weekends that are directly after my work travel trips, largely because I do not know what I’m going to need to do (work, run errands, etc..).  This weekend, everything I did was impromptu, and it was fabulous.

On Friday, as most of you know,  I missed my flight home and spent the day in Atlanta and Milwaukee.  I did not get home until 1am on Saturday.  The entire day at the airports sucked, big time. It definitely ranks up there as one of the worst travel days ever.  I was so hung over …. could not get comfortable, and when I finally found a place to sleep, didn’t feel safe enough to actually fall asleep. I was absolutely exhausted when I got home…

My girlfriend FreeBird stayed at my house and watched the little ladies (cats).  She obviously took great care of them because they were indifferent to my return.  I love FreeBird.  When I woke up on Saturday, she and I hung out, caught up, and enjoyed a bit of time together.  Then just like FreeBird, she was off to enjoy the weekend with friends and family.

On Saturday,  I cleaned up my room and organized my closet.  FreeBird has helped me update my wardrobe… and I couldn’t be more pleased. FreeBird is so put together, so stylish… so cool.  She has now made me look fabulous and cool… She has totally set me up to meet the higher caliber men I want to meet (and feel super confident that I look awesome when I’m out!!!). 

Saturday night, GFP came over, I fed him some of my chicken parmesan, we watched a few episodes of Curb Your
Enthusiasm after smoking a bowl…  It was so mellow and fun.

On Sunday, I had lunch with a very good friend of mine and her son, My favorite 4-year-old in CA EVER!  Her name is Spicy, and her little man’s name is Little Flirt. He is just darling, and loves his Paula!  Spicy is giving birth to a daughter in a week, a week!!  She is the coolest chick ever…  I can’t wait to see her again, Little Flirt, and the new little lady!

After lunch, I ran a few errands and went to visit C-Licious.  I haven’t seen her in 2 weeks AND she and her dog are sick. I stopped by to see if I could help and to offer my help with Zeke, Black Magic/Sausage….  he loves me .. I love him. We had a great get-together, caught up on the goings-on over the last couple of weeks.  Oh, and she turned on the BBQ and cooked two packages of chicken mango sausages for me (its one of my addictions, but she supports it).  Gotta love a gal who can operate a BBQ.

Now I’m home, blogging about my great weekend, deciding if I should take the time to fill out a “complimentary membership” to a local, “exclusive”, dating service…  Apparently there are men in the area that are looking for a woman just like me – Fun and Fabulous (older, no kids, with a career, and still attractive).  I’ll keep you updated on this activity…

Harold Wants A 25 Year Old.

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So, I’m watching Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo. I love this show.  I love watching rich men trying to find real love.  I get that men reach their 40’s and want to have a partner,  a family, a fun relationship (they’ve been too busy working or playing to focus on a relationship, and now they want one).  But they want all of this with a 25-year-old. 

I know.. … What did I just say? Yes, a “mature” man is seeking a solid, happy, relationship that includes kids with a 25-year-old.  Why?  Honestly, what do you talk about when you are 48 and they are 25?  Has anyone met/watched kids this age? Especially the pretty ones?  They are SO IMMATURE for the most part (AbFab is definitely excluded from this group). 

I went out a few times with a very good-looking 35-year-old man (years ago, right before meeting My Mr Big). Boy was he a looker…. but he was SO immature.  Even though we were only a few years apart (me being older), there was at least 10 years difference in maturity level.  I couldn’t handle it…. I had to send that fish back to sea. 

Oh, and while at the Atlanta Airport on Friday, I asked two young men if they wouldn’t mind plugging my battery charger into the wall they were sitting next to.  Of course they did it, were very nice about it, but you know what they called me? “Maam”.   Yep, these young 20-something men put me in the same category as their mother.

So back to Harold.  Patty tells Harold the 48-year-old millionaire, that a 25-year-old will only be interested in you for about 10 seconds AND DO NOT WANT a family and kids at this stage in their lives (clubbing is their #1 priority).  She thinks he should be fishing from the 33-38 year-old pool (still 10-15 years younger than him).   Harold fights back… they have a discussion, and he finally agrees that he is willing to meet an “older” woman…

I don’t know what ever happened with Harold and his new dating pool…  The show is about to end and there has been no update.  So, as nice and cute and rich as Harold is, his brain must not be functioning properly…   Obviously money can’t buy you a brain. 

I found a transcript of the Episode with Harold in it…   My favorite lines from Harold are:

  • “I guess the reason why I deal with all the hassle from Patti and Chelsea (the ladies from Millionaire Matchmaker) is that I’m really determined to find the last piece of the puzzle for me, which is falling in love and having a wife and kids. “
  • “I wanna, you know, get married and have kids.  And so, with younger women, it makes it a lot easier.”

 Like I said, money can’t buy intelligence…  and that is a must for me.  Sorry Harold, you are not going to make my Roster!!  😉

The Roster.. So Everyone Is In The Know.

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So, at the prompting of all my friends.. I’ve decided to create a Roster List. 

My friends have stated that they cannot keep straight who is on the roster (who has make it to a 3d date) and who has not…  so I’ve agreed to creat a Roster List (just my style) to keep them all informed.  However, I cannot create this list becuase I’m working, working hard.  I’ll do this on the flight home from Atlanta on Friday.

My dating life is not that interesting… I may not be meeting the one (I am still stuck on My Mr. Big. .. still so perfect in so many ways.. tonight I’m in a hotel room that reminds me of the room we shared while in Paris years ago… ).. but at the very least, I’m having a good time.. and my friends want to hear all about it.  The intersting thing – its all new to me, is that I do not sleep with men until we are close to being exclusive.  I dont want to catch any diseases… AND I like to take things slow.  I want to know that these folks are people that I want to spend time with (isnt that what a relationship is about???)..

Anyway, expect a fun update soon!  In the meantime, I’m in Hotlanta, sweating from every pore on my body…   How do people actually live here!?!?!?!?

Got The Message. Loud And Clear.

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As much as I don’t want to admit this, I’m going to.  Blogs are a great way to keep it honest….I want to learn from this .. and I want other women to learn from this.

So, the guy I went on a brunch date with last week, the one I really liked (its been a while since I have felt that tingle.. that excitement and desire to get to know someone)  … and that he said he liked me (he did invite me back to his home after our date AND asked me out for Tuesday)…. is not interested. Yes, I got the message on Tuesday night when he texted me from a meat market happy hour instead of calling me to make dinner arrangements.  BUT,  I wanted him to say it.  So I sent him an email.. here is what it said:

“Gosh XXXX, I sure hope you have not fallen off the face of the planet.. that  would be bad news. Anyway, Woody Allen’s new movie, Midnight in Paris is opening this week.  Being a Woody Allen fan, I’m definitely going to see it sometime this weekend/next week.  You care to join me?”

His response, below. Mind you, this is the man who did not want me to leave our date (but I had to), invited me back to his house mere hours after our date to “warm his couch”…  Returned this email, timing wise, a mere 5 days AFTER our first date….

“Thanks for the update.  I think I have fallen off the planet.  You are a good person and I wish you good luck with everything you got going. I am going to be unavailable for a while.”

What did I do?  I thanked him for his honesty.. which I do appreciate.  My only guess is that he met someone between our date on Sunday and scheduled date on Tuesday that piqued his interest….    Good for him, nothing wrong with that…  Just saying’ dating can be a challenge.

What I’ve learned is that I still got it – I can meet someone and get that tingly feeling, that excitement of wanting to know more about someone.  I spent a lot of time dating this year, waiting and wondering when that feeling would come…  Its nice to know that I can get it… 

I don’t know what this means for me or interenet dating.. My profile is hidden on the sites I was using …  I’m going to lay low for now.  Online dating does bring people together that wouldn’t otherwise meet, but I’ve not had any luck with that… so I’m going to stick close to home for now.. just get out more, do new and different things, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll meet someone who makes me tingle..  🙂

The Ones You Want Are Aloof, The Ones You Don’t Want Are Available.

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I know, I know you all know what I’m talking about.  Relationship irony.

So, my date last Saturday is perfectly nice.  He is young (he’s 42 age wise, but very inexperienced.. and sorry GGD, he doesn’t like Sushi.. or fish in general… or any other meat besides chicken…).  The way he has about him reminds me of my EX (not a good thing at all).. and the little things that I saw would begin to bug me real soon (yes, I know myself that well – as adorable as he is now… he would grate on my nerves in about 3 weeks).

But, I had another date this weekend – a brunch date on Sunday… I didn’t mention it because I didn’t think much about it… it was with a guy I’d been emailing with since April…  our schedules finally alligned and we went to brunch.  I am was so happy I followed thru, he was so interesting to me.  I was intrigued… and attracted to him.  He is older (which I loooovvvee).. he is a professional/exec type, and he’s a bit rough around the edges in the sense that he doesn’t care necessarily what others think.  Not unprofessional or offensive, just comfortable in his own skin to be his own person.  This package is yummy to me.

Anyway, the brunch date went very well, and we parted ways even though both of us didn’t want to .. I was drawn to him, he said that he didn’t want the day to end… even invited me back to his place so my bottom could keep his couch warm…(it was funnyat the time, not gross like it sounds now).   Since I could not join him and his couch we made a plan to meet today, Tuesday.

I was excited, didn’t do anything but work hard all day so I could enjoy some time with him… and guess what?  He finally texted me 30 minutes ago … told me his day was crazy and asked how I was doing.  I am still working because he didn’t call and I kept my evening open for our date!  He, however, was enjoying a “fu fu cocktail” at a local bar/pick up joint.  So, I sat at home, didn’t double book myself AND was actually looking forward to spending time with Mr. Brunch… and he was off, busy busy having Happy Hour at a meat market… .Hmmm…  I’d say his actions speak much louder than his words. Good thing I’m a pro at spotting this type of behavior now.

In the meantime, Mr. Ex Look-Alike emailed me and asked me out again!  Thank god Im busy this weekend (I really have a hard time lying to guys who are interested).

And of course, Chicken Legs wants to get together this week.  I forgot to tell you’all that I finally broke up with him.. not that we were ever going out, but I said, once again,  VERY CLEARLY that I’m not interested in dating him.  Friends only or nothing.  He said he got it…..  but he has just let me know he will be in my neck of the woods tomorrow and wants to see me.  I’ve not responded yet… I’m still in that “uggghhhhhh” thought.

Anyway, I’m working from home this week and thought I’d have a few fun events to discuss… nope.  Still sitting at home, working. Not out and about hanging with good looking older men (which I loooovvveee).

So, I pose the question – how do you get the person you like to like you without being fake… or rediculous.. or a slut… or too available?  Hmmm… men, weigh in on this one, give us ladies good, useful tips….

Missing What I Can’t Have.

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Tonight was a great night. I spent the evening with a few girlfriends that I’ve not seen forever, but that are forever with me. We met 16 years ago – and caught up this evening. Honestly, we haven’t skipped a beat.  And we all look exactly the same (yes, young and gorgeous!!!).

I’m home now, reminiscing, and as good as the evening went/felt,  I feel somewhat like a loser.  I thoroughly enjoyed this evening, but I cam home with a sense of loss.  I am missing My Mr. Big tonight.  It’s just a feeling I can’t push out of my head, my heart.  I can’t help but feel how nice it would have been to see him, be with him.  He hasn’t been a part of my life in a  consistent, supportive way for 8-9 months or so now. Its a silly, stupid feeling.  I know, super silly…  but I do miss him.  Why are some people harder to forget than others? Why do certain people have an impact and others are as forgettable as the last rain?  Tonight, I miss My Mr. Big more than I should.  More than I certainly want to, more than I should be given what we “officially” shared. 

So, I’ve taken a sleeping pill…  I’m crossing my fingers that it will help me fall asleep, forget my losses…  and gets me through the night so I can move on tomorrow and act as if nothing is wrong, nothing is missing….

Done with Online Dating.

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So, its official, my first roster of men is now officially done, over.  They have all turn out to be interesting people, and my relationship with each of the men turn out just as they should have. 

Yes, the roster is done, but I have zero interest in getting involved/creating another roster.  I feel so busy, and creating and working a roster is just too much for me.  What pushed me over the edge?  Plenty of Losers sent me some recommendations that included Mr. Texas.  So, they are cycling back thru their crap and offering up bottom feeders as if I wouldn’t know.  Yeahhhh… no thanks.

So, here is the rundown. 

  • Mr. Tx has put up new photos of himself. Same profile – looking for the one special woman.. yada yada yada. Whatever. All bullshit…  now I know. Now we all know.
  • Chicken Legs is a great guy, and he would make anyone a great partner.  BUT I”m the one with the problem – I’m just not sexually attracted to him. So now I have the responsibility to have the “just friends” chat with him.  I’ve not done it yet because with all my birthday celebrations and his commitment to his kids, we’ve not seen each other.  Friends say I should do it over the phone, but I personally would want someone to tell me this kind of stuff in person.  so, thus, I wait until our schedules align and I can see him again.
  • My new Man Friend, my GirlFriend Peter. Forever known here on out as GFP.  This is the last man to fall off the roster. He is a fabulous person.  We met at a bar (not online), and have been dating (no sex, no nothing, just honest, old fashioned dating) since January.  I invited him to my friends party this Friday (I thought we would have fun AND he likes all the same things my friends and I like), and he invited me to his family party on Sunday. I loved both events – he loved my friends, my friends loved him.  I loved his family, they loved me.  You would think this was a date…   but went as friends.  And we had a blast.  And I’m ok with this .  I brought it up because I wanted to make sure we were on the same page….  and you know what he said to me?  he said, he has had a lot of loss in his life this past year (he lost both his mother to cancer (he was her primary caregiver) AND he broke up with his girlfriend of 6.5 years).  He feels that we really connect (we do), and he doesn’t want to lose me because something goes wrong in the lovers arenda.   I told him I am just fine with friends.  And honestly, I think this man is going to be in my life forever.  He is kind, generious, sweet, loving, intellegent, and so interesting. We always have a great time….   I don’t see this changing.  So, no love connection, but a new friendship…  There is just nothing wrong with this.

O.k. .so tonight, right now, I am disabling, deleting, or whatever I need to do to get rid of/hide  my Plenty of Losers account. 

So this is it, I’m done with online dating for a while now.  I don’t have the time or energy for it. Iv’e got at least one lifetime friend, and if Chicken Legs and I can get to the friends stage, well then I’ve made two great friends.  How lucky am I, to have new people, spectactular people, enter my circle of friends?

I’m going to start doing a few more things, go out with friends, and just be myself and enjoy the time that I have.  I would like to meet someone that I want to spend time with… but right now, I’ve got so many great things going on, only someone really special is going to do it for me.  And I have to say, I’ve not met that many great guys online or thru friends..   So, now I’m going it alone…..   I dont know what this means or how this is going to work,   maybe it won’t. But I’m not in a hurry to find someone…  so we shall see.

Wish me luck!