The Roster.. So Everyone Is In The Know.

So, at the prompting of all my friends.. I’ve decided to create a Roster List. 

My friends have stated that they cannot keep straight who is on the roster (who has make it to a 3d date) and who has not…  so I’ve agreed to creat a Roster List (just my style) to keep them all informed.  However, I cannot create this list becuase I’m working, working hard.  I’ll do this on the flight home from Atlanta on Friday.

My dating life is not that interesting… I may not be meeting the one (I am still stuck on My Mr. Big. .. still so perfect in so many ways.. tonight I’m in a hotel room that reminds me of the room we shared while in Paris years ago… ).. but at the very least, I’m having a good time.. and my friends want to hear all about it.  The intersting thing – its all new to me, is that I do not sleep with men until we are close to being exclusive.  I dont want to catch any diseases… AND I like to take things slow.  I want to know that these folks are people that I want to spend time with (isnt that what a relationship is about???)..

Anyway, expect a fun update soon!  In the meantime, I’m in Hotlanta, sweating from every pore on my body…   How do people actually live here!?!?!?!?

Done with Online Dating.

So, its official, my first roster of men is now officially done, over.  They have all turn out to be interesting people, and my relationship with each of the men turn out just as they should have. 

Yes, the roster is done, but I have zero interest in getting involved/creating another roster.  I feel so busy, and creating and working a roster is just too much for me.  What pushed me over the edge?  Plenty of Losers sent me some recommendations that included Mr. Texas.  So, they are cycling back thru their crap and offering up bottom feeders as if I wouldn’t know.  Yeahhhh… no thanks.

So, here is the rundown. 

  • Mr. Tx has put up new photos of himself. Same profile – looking for the one special woman.. yada yada yada. Whatever. All bullshit…  now I know. Now we all know.
  • Chicken Legs is a great guy, and he would make anyone a great partner.  BUT I”m the one with the problem – I’m just not sexually attracted to him. So now I have the responsibility to have the “just friends” chat with him.  I’ve not done it yet because with all my birthday celebrations and his commitment to his kids, we’ve not seen each other.  Friends say I should do it over the phone, but I personally would want someone to tell me this kind of stuff in person.  so, thus, I wait until our schedules align and I can see him again.
  • My new Man Friend, my GirlFriend Peter. Forever known here on out as GFP.  This is the last man to fall off the roster. He is a fabulous person.  We met at a bar (not online), and have been dating (no sex, no nothing, just honest, old fashioned dating) since January.  I invited him to my friends party this Friday (I thought we would have fun AND he likes all the same things my friends and I like), and he invited me to his family party on Sunday. I loved both events – he loved my friends, my friends loved him.  I loved his family, they loved me.  You would think this was a date…   but went as friends.  And we had a blast.  And I’m ok with this .  I brought it up because I wanted to make sure we were on the same page….  and you know what he said to me?  he said, he has had a lot of loss in his life this past year (he lost both his mother to cancer (he was her primary caregiver) AND he broke up with his girlfriend of 6.5 years).  He feels that we really connect (we do), and he doesn’t want to lose me because something goes wrong in the lovers arenda.   I told him I am just fine with friends.  And honestly, I think this man is going to be in my life forever.  He is kind, generious, sweet, loving, intellegent, and so interesting. We always have a great time….   I don’t see this changing.  So, no love connection, but a new friendship…  There is just nothing wrong with this.

O.k. .so tonight, right now, I am disabling, deleting, or whatever I need to do to get rid of/hide  my Plenty of Losers account. 

So this is it, I’m done with online dating for a while now.  I don’t have the time or energy for it. Iv’e got at least one lifetime friend, and if Chicken Legs and I can get to the friends stage, well then I’ve made two great friends.  How lucky am I, to have new people, spectactular people, enter my circle of friends?

I’m going to start doing a few more things, go out with friends, and just be myself and enjoy the time that I have.  I would like to meet someone that I want to spend time with… but right now, I’ve got so many great things going on, only someone really special is going to do it for me.  And I have to say, I’ve not met that many great guys online or thru friends..   So, now I’m going it alone…..   I dont know what this means or how this is going to work,   maybe it won’t. But I’m not in a hurry to find someone…  so we shall see.

Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, that’s right, I was born 40 years ago, on Mothers Day.  I know, what a tragedy blessing for my parents.  Oh, and I think I’ve forgotten to mention that I’m a twin – so my mom and dad had TWO of me at the same time. 

I have been celebrating my birthday for the last two weeks.. out almost every single night with a friend or two.  I am SO LUCKY to have such love and friendship in my life.  I know, I don’t have the “trappings” of a successful 40-year-old – I don’t have a man, I don’t have kids.  But I’m so happy!  I don’t think I’ve ever been so consciously happy.  So I’m 40 .. look at me – happy, healthy, and with a tremendous amount of love in my life.

Here’s a quick list (umm hmm, surprise, a list!) of my celebratory activities:

  • I went dancing last weekend in SF with a few of my best girlfriends – Love In The City Weekend
  •  spent the week catching up with really good friends, even had  a ‘pool party’ with one of ’em!
  • this Friday night I went out with my local crew and had another impromptu dance party.   Trapeze is my all time favorite restaurant and they treated us like royalty.  Then a few of us headed over to the Vinyl Room, a local bar/dance place, and danced the night away until others started arriving…  We are always up for starting a dance party (we love an open dance floor)..
  • Last night I had dinner with my fist best girlfriend – Bitter Betty (my name is/was Pissy Patty)… more about our friendship below…

Bitter and I were inseparable…  we did everything together.  Our friendship waned when I lost all confidence in myself and became a recluse (yes, much like what happened a few years ago)…  We talked about this last night.  What I love about Bitter is that we haven’t skipped a beat – its like we’ve never been apart.  I love this woman – she is amazing, smart, absolutely stunning, and the nicest person I’ve ever met.  When I was feeling ugly towards other people, I used to think to myself, “what would Bitter do?” … Bitter would always smile and just move away from the bad energy.  O.k.. so yes,  I love this woman!  So glad we have reconnected after all these years, and that she is still her same, sweet fabulous self!  Go Bitter!

O.k.. as you can see I’m living life to the fullest … I am finally 40 (been waiting years for this moment)…   as a friend said to me this morning, “Glad you finally grew up and have joined us at the adult table”…    That’s right, today, I’m officially a grown up!!

My Reclusive Years.

I had lunch with a friend last week, a very good friend.  I have known him for years, since college.  He and I moved to San Francisco at the same time and have always stayed friends.  He is fantastic… 

Anyway, at lunch, he asked me if I was out of my reclusive period yet.  I laughed, but he is/was right.  I’ve not reached out to many people in two years.  My layoff/seperation was two years ago. My divorce became final a year ago (thanks to the persistent work of The Ex).  I’ve not gotten out much, even with close friends.  I have stayed home, removed myself from the world and all its goings-on, so that I could recover.

I do not love lightly.  I fall and fall hard.  I give it my all.  To me, for me, relationships are the most important aspect of life.  The people that you take care of, that take care of you, NOT out of obligation, but because of geniuine care and concern for that persons well-being – that is priceless.  I do talk about this a lot because I could not have made it thru these last few years without my friends. I can name a 1/2 dozen folks who I can attribute my recovery to.  I thank god everyday that I have these folks in my life. 

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about this one phrase, “the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less”.  In my marriage, I did not have the power, I had the exact opposite.  Zero power.  So why is it, that the person with the power, does nothing with it?  Now I want to be the one with the power.. but to care, to love, is to give up the power. To take risks.  Of all things to take a risk on, isn’t love the best one?

I still am in shock how absent my EX really was, how many other relationships he had while we were married, how he said he wanted to still be married while carrying on with others.  The person he bacame.  I was fooled, fooled in a big way.  Not that I’m a victim, I knew things weren’t right, butI didn’t want to give up.  My partner had already given up and moved on.  So why would he do what he did? Why would’t he just move on?

 I think I have been reclusive because, honestly,  I just dont want to get hurt again.   Playing it safe, not putting myself out there, boxing myself into a ‘persona’ if you will, the Crazy Cat Lady….  its been safe and comfortable. Keeps me in the power seat…

For whatever reason, it hit me last week – I’m alone.  Not lonely, just alone.  I have begun thinking about what its going to take to meet someone, to have someone around that wants to be with me, where we have fun, laugh a lot, and in general, enjoy each others company.  The thought is a bit overwhelming, but it has now entered my realm of possibility.  I think that things happen for a reason – that your brain lets you think about things that you can/are able to contemplate….

At the very least, I know of some folks that will be happy to see me again.