I’m back. In the midst of changing my life for the better and making time to write. I will make it a regular occurrence to post from now on – it’s an outlet that I’ve missed these last few months.
I’m in New York right now. One of my best friends is getting married today. I saw her for the first time in a long time last night and she looked so happy, excited, content. She just glowed and so did her fiance. Their energy permeated the room – it was such a special time and I was so honored to be there, sharing such a special moment with them. Made me tear up. My friend deserves all the happiness in the world – she is one of the most kind, generous, and honest people I know. I am grateful for our friendship.
Anyway, I have made some significant changes in my life, and I am working towards a more peaceful, happy existence.
The first big change is at work. I have changed roles at my current company, and am now doing a job that comes natural to me. I love what I do, I love my new manager. A good manager makes all the difference in the world. She is amazing, and I’m so happy to be under her wing. I now have a balance of life, I’m engaged with my girlfriends again, and also have time for myself.
The second big change is where I’m spending my time. I’m doing what I love again- connecting with my girlfriends. I’m making the time for the ladies I love, the ones that have held my hand through the happiest, toughest, roughest, and darkest parts of my life – the years with AbFab, my divorce and the following reclusive years, the year of dating, my job challenges (Man Hands). I don’t know what I would do without their help and support, it feels so good to be back in their company.
I’ve got a few more things to work on…
- I’ve got some weight to lose… which isn’t new. I complain about it, it greatly effects my confidence and self-esteem, but I’m not doing anything about it. It’s a simple fix – stop eating and drinking so much and work out more. I don’t know why this is, why I sabotage myself; keep myself down. I just bug myself sometimes.
- My relationship. I love my boyfriend but it’s just feels really hard to keep our relationship in good standing. Relationships require a lot of work, and I’m tired – I’m certainly not being a good girlfriend, I don’t think I know how to do it. I think that love doesn’t conquer everything – I feel like we are trying to shove a square peg in a round hole… we are two different people who have different definitions for relationship. Neither one of us is bad – we are just different, and that is o.k. I still want him in my life, I love him, I care for him. But I don’t think we were meant to be together in a traditional relationship. And that is o.k.. But I do waffle about this – this is how I feel today.. tomorrow it could be completely different. I need to figure out what I want/need and make it happen.
- Finances. I’ve really got to figure this out… with the new role came a lot less $$. I need to really cut back on expenses, which means I need to get real honest with myself and what I need. I have real estate I need to just let go of. I’ve always wanted to own a place in Utah and stay there when I visit my family… but I can’t afford it. I have a condo that I love – but instead of enjoying it, I subsidize my tenants lifestyle. That is reality.
So I commit to sharing my journey of change with you again…
So, its official, my first roster of men is now officially done, over. They have all turn out to be interesting people, and my relationship with each of the men turn out just as they should have.
Yes, the roster is done, but I have zero interest in getting involved/creating another roster. I feel so busy, and creating and working a roster is just too much for me. What pushed me over the edge? Plenty of Losers sent me some recommendations that included Mr. Texas. So, they are cycling back thru their crap and offering up bottom feeders as if I wouldn’t know. Yeahhhh… no thanks.
So, here is the rundown.
- Mr. Tx has put up new photos of himself. Same profile – looking for the one special woman.. yada yada yada. Whatever. All bullshit… now I know. Now we all know.
- Chicken Legs is a great guy, and he would make anyone a great partner. BUT I”m the one with the problem – I’m just not sexually attracted to him. So now I have the responsibility to have the “just friends” chat with him. I’ve not done it yet because with all my birthday celebrations and his commitment to his kids, we’ve not seen each other. Friends say I should do it over the phone, but I personally would want someone to tell me this kind of stuff in person. so, thus, I wait until our schedules align and I can see him again.
- My new Man Friend, my GirlFriend Peter. Forever known here on out as GFP. This is the last man to fall off the roster. He is a fabulous person. We met at a bar (not online), and have been dating (no sex, no nothing, just honest, old fashioned dating) since January. I invited him to my friends party this Friday (I thought we would have fun AND he likes all the same things my friends and I like), and he invited me to his family party on Sunday. I loved both events – he loved my friends, my friends loved him. I loved his family, they loved me. You would think this was a date… but went as friends. And we had a blast. And I’m ok with this . I brought it up because I wanted to make sure we were on the same page…. and you know what he said to me? he said, he has had a lot of loss in his life this past year (he lost both his mother to cancer (he was her primary caregiver) AND he broke up with his girlfriend of 6.5 years). He feels that we really connect (we do), and he doesn’t want to lose me because something goes wrong in the lovers arenda. I told him I am just fine with friends. And honestly, I think this man is going to be in my life forever. He is kind, generious, sweet, loving, intellegent, and so interesting. We always have a great time…. I don’t see this changing. So, no love connection, but a new friendship… There is just nothing wrong with this.
O.k. .so tonight, right now, I am disabling, deleting, or whatever I need to do to get rid of/hide my Plenty of Losers account.
So this is it, I’m done with online dating for a while now. I don’t have the time or energy for it. Iv’e got at least one lifetime friend, and if Chicken Legs and I can get to the friends stage, well then I’ve made two great friends. How lucky am I, to have new people, spectactular people, enter my circle of friends?
I’m going to start doing a few more things, go out with friends, and just be myself and enjoy the time that I have. I would like to meet someone that I want to spend time with… but right now, I’ve got so many great things going on, only someone really special is going to do it for me. And I have to say, I’ve not met that many great guys online or thru friends.. So, now I’m going it alone….. I dont know what this means or how this is going to work, maybe it won’t. But I’m not in a hurry to find someone… so we shall see.
Wish me luck!