2015 In Summary.

2015 was NOT a good year for me.  This only means that in 2016 there is no where to go but up. For a summary of my goals and results, take a look at 2015 Year In Review.

The two biggest downers –

1- I lost my job. I put all my energy into work and it resulted in absolutely nothing. Actually, it’s more than nothing – I gave up everything to make work work.  I had one date all year, on Dec. 28th no less.  I wanted more than anything to succeed professionally.  Not this year.

2- On the personal side, AbFab’s husband lost his legs.


I am so done with 2015.  I am all about 2016 – and 2016 is all about me.  I will focus on doing what is absolutely best for me.  Outside of me, I will be spending time with AbFab and family…  I am on polishing up my 2016 New Years resolutions and will share them when they are complete. Some good stuff around exercise and stress management, but there will be a few surprises around real estate. I am excited about what I can do this year – I hope it is worth the wait for you.


Paleo Lifestyle Upate – 1 Month.

Paleo-diet-menu-composition-pieMy 2015 New Years Resolution is to lose 20 pounds in 3 months (stretch goal was to lose 30 pounds!).  Good news.  I’m officially down 3 pounds.  I now weigh 129 vs. the 132 that I started at.  This is consistent on the scale so I feel o.k. posting it.  So for the full month of January 2015, I lost about 12 ounces a week (or so).

I expected to lose 10 pounds in January.  So I’m disappointed the fat is not melting off me like I’ve heard it has for others.  A friend of mine was able to lose 9 pounds in her first month.  And she still drank wine! She also doesn’t have a job and was able to do several hours of low-impact exercise a day.  She is also a fabulous cook with lots of time to cook tasty and delicious meals. That’s how she did it – she had the time and budget to go balls-out on the diet and exercise.

A couple of things that effected my lack of weight loss –

  • I wasn’t able to go completely grain free. I was very serious and did not eat any breads of any kind and any product I purchased did not include wheat products. However, I wasn’t able to make my own mayonnaise, ketchup, etc.. and we all know these things contain sugar, wheat, etc…
  • I wasn’t able to exercise as much as I wanted.  I am currently taking a belly dancing course – it is so much fun and it is a great workout!  But its only once a week.

So, given my friends success and my lack of weight loss, I need to get more active. So I will commit to signing up for one more class – hot bikram yoga– that I purchased on Amazon Local.  It’s great for the cold, wet, winter months.  I will start taking the class on Tuesday nights starting mid-February.  When weather permits I will get back into my 30 minute walks.

Back to the Paleo diet – I love it.  Here is what its done for me in one month:

  • It has resolved almost all of the stomach issues that I’ve had for the last 5 years.  Yes, every now and again I get painful flare-ups, but it is not everyday, its maybe once a week. And because of this, I can tell what food upsets my stomach and stop eating it
  • I’m regular again!  Yes, that’s right, I am now able to go to the bathroom every day. Before I was so constipated I was taking 2 Dulcalax a night AND was still irregular.  I had the 200 tabs pack on Amazon Subscription service. I no longer take any Dulcalax.

Losing this weight is super important to me.  What I’ve realized is that i’ve tied my confidence to what I look like, and I don’t like the way I look.  The weight is holding me back from asking for what is rightfully mine at work and in my personal life.  So, for February, I will continue with the Paleo lifestyle and will make a concerted effort to exercise more. If you have any other advice and/or words of wisdoms from you would be GREAT.

A Warm Welcome to 2015!

2015-in waterI’m super excited about 2015.  I started working on having a good 2015 in September.  2014 and 2013 were bad years for me.  I gave up on 2014 being a good year something in July and began focusing on 2015.  2013 and 2014 were almost worst than the year I got separated/divorced.  Different struggles but equally if not more difficult.   Ugghhh, so glad that 2014 is over.

Anyway, enough about the bad times, I’m off to a great start to have another Year of the Paula (like 2010-2012).  Like I mentioned, I started in September – I stopped waiting for my managers to recognize my work and took action. I found a new job, better title and pay.  So far its been great. The company culture feels more like home to me.  Because my paycheck is larger, I was able to refinance my home.   Now I’m starting 2015 more financially secure than I’ve been in a couple of years and its feels wonderful.  There is more to do, but I feel confident I can make it happen.  With that, here are my goals for this year:

  1. Get Body Confident.  I’m tired of feeling fat, letting my fat get in the way of doing what I want, getting what I deserve.  I’ve spent so many years, since 2006, feeling bad about my weight, feeling bad about myself, losing confidence in myself year after year.  This year no more.  I will lose the weight and get comfortable about where I end up.  So, what does this mean?
    • Lose weight. I’m 132 – that is about 20 pounds overweight for my 5’2″ frame.   I was 100 pounds for most of my adult life, I got married at 30-something at 112 pounds.  It’s time I get back to the weight I’m comfortable with at OR shut up about it.
    • Exercise more.  I need to get more active.  I stopped working out regularly about 2 years ago, when I was working with Man Hands down at Cisco. I’ve never really gotten back into it.  This is the year. I’ve committed to working out 2 nights a week – I joined a yoga studio and signed up for a belly dancing class.  I will try these classes for 3 months and figure out what I want to do next.
    • Address my stomach issues.  I have, for many years, had significant stomach issues.  I used to wake up sick in the mornings, so sick that drinking water would  have me dry heaving in the shower.  In 2014 I went to see a nutritionist and fixed this problem (thank god!) but I still have significant “flare ups” with my stomach and intestines.  I am going to address this once and for all.  I am starting 2015 with a diet change – I’m going Paleo.  And I’m going back to the nutritionist.   I was inspired by Danielle Walkers story (AgainstAllGrain) – and now I’m ready to take back my life.
  2. Take Charge of my Career.  I’m doing it – I’ve met more with my manager in the last 3 months than I did my entire tenure at my last job.  Why?  Because I thought my managers would recognize the great work I was doing. Did they? No.  And when I asked for what I deserved, we were on very different pages.  Didn’t bode well for either of us.  So I’m not going to let that happen again.  My goal is to have a meeting with my manager 1x a month to discuss my career, my progress, and set myself up for promotions and an executive position.  I am a great worker, a good leader, and highly qualified. With my manager’s guidance I am going to do very well.
  3. Me.  I need to work on me.  I have a few issues that I want to deal with – I didn’t recognize it until I sat down with ATrain and really discussed our relationship – where we are, where we want to be, where I WANT to be.  Two issues in current relationship are the same ones I had in my marriage, and I am the common link there.  Me.  What I have today is similar in some respects to what I had in my marriage.  I’m with someone who has integrity (my EX did not) so the conversations are much more real, more open, honest, and revealing.  So I will seek out a counselor this year and work through some bad habits and become more aware of what I want, what I need, and the changes I need to make- mental and behavior – to get what I want.

I think that is it.  It is a lot but I’m ready for it.  I need a change, I need my life to be different, and I’m in charge of making this happen.

I loved 2010 and 2011 and 2012.  They were GREAT years for me for the most part.  I want more of these kind of years.  And to get more of these years, I need to know myself better, treat myself better, and give myself permission to have it all!

I wish you all a great 2015 – may all your dreams and aspirations be realized.

Feeling Much Better.

Gosh, what a bit of time off can do for your mental health.

I’m feeling much better.  So happy to NOT be on an airplane right now.  Sophie has been found – two ladies dropped her off Thursday night with the cat sitter.  In this world, where its just me and the cats, I need help.  Patti, my cat sitter has been like a second mother to my little ladies.  I will forever be greateful for having her in my life and all her help.

I did not do much around the house or errand wise, instead, I took care of myself:

  • I’ve gone running twice now and my body craves more.  I love California – the fact that I can go running pretty much anytime is amazing.  Who needs a therapist when there is the great outdoors and all thoughts, angst, and solutions just work themselves out?
  • I spent time with great friends who are like family.  They listened to me, talked with me, shared a meal and drank with me.  God what a comforting feeling to be amongst good friends. 
  • I slept very well in my bed. My bed is the best ever ….   I could stay in it all day, every day if I was independently wealthy…

I love having my home to come home to.  Yes its still unorganized, and yes, there is a bunch of things to do (most of which I need help with – putting rugs under beds, bed skirts on beds, installing a new towel rack, medicine cabinet.. the list goes on and on), BUT its mine… its a place I can call home, where I can be safe, warm, and comfortable. 

Yes, you can see, Paula is returning to her normal self.  I have learned a lot about myself these last 3 weeks, the most important things are that:  

  • Even when I feel down and out, I’m still a strong and nice person, 
  • I have a really hard time asking for help, and
  • dating is so new to me!

I have more to share on these topics, and when I get to a place where writing it all down helps me, I’ll share.

For those of you who reached out to me these last few days, thank you so much, it means a lot to me.  Your kind, supportive words were exactly what I needed.

Hooping Queen.

I had dinner with girlfriends this evening.  Some of my favorite girls nights are with the A-Team (mother and daughter pair).  Love these people.

Anyway, A1 is one of my best friends,  A2, her daughter,  who just turned 6, is so much fun.  I did not have the opportunity to go to her birthday party (darth vader theme, is she cool or what?!?), but I did have the opportunity to give her an unwrapped gift – a hoola hoop.  I had recently given one of these gems to another little friend of mine, it was so much fun, I had to get another one. I’m glad I did.

A2 is apparently a hoola hoop queen. Her mother did not know, but we both learned today, with much delight, that the kids are hooping.   I have to tell you, there is so much joy in watching a little kid hoola hoop their little heart out.  This got me thinking about Hoola Hooping…..  and here is what I found on the www:

  • Hoola is actually spelled Hula.  I have been alive for 39 years, known about the hula hoop for 30+ years, and never thought it was spelled any other way than hoola.  Crazy.  For history on the Hula Hoop, check out wikipedia – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hula_hoop.
  • There is an entire subculture of people dedicated to hooping. You can join one of the many communities here: http://www.hooping.org/ .  Join and find hooping friends in your area …
  • Forget Hooters girls, how ’bout a Hoola Girl??  Check this out:

I am going this weekend to get myself a hula hoop and start hooping! Great exersize that puts a smile on your face AND gives you a great body?!?    Sign me up!!!!