2015 – New Years Resolution and Results.

2015 Results

Ahh, New Year’s Resolutions… my aspirations are below.  In summary, it was not a great year for me.  I had so much hope for 2015 – I worked my ass of to be successful, but as you will read, it was not a successful year for me.

YEAR END RESULT:  Lame.  I lost weight but I still don’t feel sexy.  I broke up with A-Train. All my girlfriends went off did other things.  I spent the entire year focused on my career which cumulated to nothing at the end of the year. On a personal note, I went on one date (in the last days of the year which I will write about in 2016).  The details are below.

On a personal front, AbFab’s husband lost his legs in a work accident in September 2015. By Dec. 2015 he was walking on his stubbies.  Makes my shitty year seem ridiculous.  Explanation below.

My life stayed pretty much the same – I made a few improvements, but ultimately my life was the same until early December.  2016 will be very different for many reasons.  I’ll get into that in my 2016 resolutions, but for now, here is my status update:

  1.  Body Confident.  Result – I lost weight but I still don’t feel great. Yep, I lost weight.  I was super stressed out and I definitely worked way too much, but I did manage to lose weight. I’m down a full 7 pounds. From 132 to 125. This weight loss was entirely due to  acupuncture and supplements.  My acupuncturist did her best to keep me as healthy as possible during this ridiculously high-stress year.  I took a myriad of supplements.  They all helped me to get where I am, but there are a few that I believe helped save my life.
    • I had a very dramatic and positive response to Adrenal Support.  My heart stopped beating so hard all the time AND I was able to get back to a normal sleep pattern.  I no longer needed sleeping pills.  In my opinion, this supplement changed my life for the better.  I was able to get off prescription sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medication.  The other supplements that I responded too include Metagenics Advaclear, Livachol , Unique Vitality Products Colonic Rinse, and MPI Ba-Co-Flor.
  2. Career.  Result – negative results.  I busted my ass for the company. I gave up everything for my career – no personal dates, limited visits with friends, a lot of fire fighting and product weakness coverup. I worked 80+ hours for most weeks in 2015.  At the end of the year I was fired -at the end of the day the company shot the messenger vs. fixing the issues.  Lesson learned – It DOES NOT pay to be a strong woman in high tech (software, technology, whatever you call it)..
  3. Focus on Me. Result – Big Zero.  At the end of the year, I did nothing outside of work.  I literally spent the entire year focused on my career – #2 above.. I went uber-frugal and am almost debt-free.  But did not go on a single date and spent most of my nights alone or with A-Train.

I believe that the culmination of all if this gave me the ability to see what I was doing to myself in order to achieve “success”. If I’m not healthy, I’m not able to achieve success.  At the end of the day, I didn’t take care of myself. I let others run over me (professionally)…  Lesson learned.

There is only one way to go from here – and that is onwards and upwards.


2015 – Goals and Aspirations.

2015-in waterI’m super excited about 2015.  I started working on having a good 2015 in September.  2014 and 2013 were bad years for me.  I gave up on 2014 being a good year something in July and began focusing on 2015.  2013 and 2014 were almost worst than the year I got separated/divorced.  Different struggles but equally if not more difficult.   Ugghhh, so glad that 2014 is over.

Anyway, enough about the bad times, I’m off to a great start to have another Year of the Paula (like 2010-2012).  Like I mentioned, I started in September – I stopped waiting for my managers to recognize my work and took action. I found a new job, better title and pay.  So far its been great. The company culture feels more like home to me.  Because my paycheck is larger, I was able to refinance my home.   Now I’m starting 2015 more financially secure than I’ve been in a couple of years and its feels wonderful.  There is more to do, but I feel confident I can make it happen.  With that, here are my goals for this year:

  1. Get Body Confident.  I’m tired of feeling fat, letting my fat get in the way of doing what I want, getting what I deserve.  I’ve spent so many years, since 2006, feeling bad about my weight, feeling bad about myself, losing confidence in myself year after year.  This year no more.  I will lose the weight and get comfortable about where I end up.  So, what does this mean?
    • Lose weight. I’m 132 – that is about 20 pounds overweight for my 5’2″ frame.   I was 100 pounds for most of my adult life, I got married at 30-something at 112 pounds.  It’s time I get back to the weight I’m comfortable with at OR shut up about it.
    • Exercise more.  I need to get more active.  I stopped working out regularly about 2 years ago, when I was working with Man Hands down at Cisco. I’ve never really gotten back into it.  This is the year. I’ve committed to working out 2 nights a week – I joined a yoga studio and signed up for a belly dancing class.  I will try these classes for 3 months and figure out what I want to do next.
    • Address my stomach issues.  I have, for many years, had significant stomach issues.  I used to wake up sick in the mornings, so sick that drinking water would  have me dry heaving in the shower.  In 2014 I went to see a nutritionist and fixed this problem (thank god!) but I still have significant “flare ups” with my stomach and intestines.  I am going to address this once and for all.  I am starting 2015 with a diet change – I’m going Paleo.  And I’m going back to the nutritionist.   I was inspired by Danielle Walkers story (AgainstAllGrain) – and now I’m ready to take back my life.
  2. Take Charge of my Career.  I’m doing it – I’ve met more with my manager in the last 3 months than I did my entire tenure at my last job.  Why?  Because I thought my managers would recognize the great work I was doing. Did they? No.  And when I asked for what I deserved, we were on very different pages.  Didn’t bode well for either of us.  So I’m not going to let that happen again.  My goal is to have a meeting with my manager 1x a month to discuss my career, my progress, and set myself up for promotions and an executive position.  I am a great worker, a good leader, and highly qualified. With my manager’s guidance I am going to do very well.
  3. Me.  I need to work on me.  I have a few issues that I want to deal with – I didn’t recognize it until I sat down with ATrain and really discussed our relationship – where we are, where we want to be, where I WANT to be.  Two issues in current relationship are the same ones I had in my marriage, and I am the common link there.  Me.  What I have today is similar in some respects to what I had in my marriage.  I’m with someone who has integrity (my EX did not) so the conversations are much more real, more open, honest, and revealing.  So I will seek out a counselor this year and work through some bad habits and become more aware of what I want, what I need, and the changes I need to make- mental and behavior – to get what I want.

I think that is it.  It is a lot but I’m ready for it.  I need a change, I need my life to be different, and I’m in charge of making this happen.

I loved 2010 and 2011 and 2012.  They were GREAT years for me for the most part.  I want more of these kind of years.  And to get more of these years, I need to know myself better, treat myself better, and give myself permission to have it all!

I wish you all a great 2015 – may all your dreams and aspirations be realized.