PaulasWorld

Spray Tan, 3 H’s, Cat Chasing Tail….

PaulasPonderings3 Comments

O.k. so I’m at home, should be sleeping because I have a huge day tomorrow – I’m about to (not that confident about it given that I have not spent the night working) pass my last official work “toll-gate”… My plan is to get up early, practice, and pass…..  I’ll update you on my status tomorrow.

Tonight, my mind is on other things.  Here are the “songs” in the Paula Jukebox, in list form (what else did you expect??):

  • I  just got my first spray tan today a few hours ago.  LOVE IT.  I feel skinnier because all my questionable areas were sprayed with color (doest this automatically make you 10 lbs lighter???) .  Downer is that I can’t go near water for 24 hours… fine by me.  Who needs to wash their face, take a shower??? Certainly not me . And in the name of vanity, I’ll stay away from water as long as it takes to make the color soak into my glowing white (almost blue) skin. If all goes as planned, I’m adicted, and love my warm colored skin…   
  • 3 H’s post.  I’ve thought a lot about it… and the comments I’ve received are intersting.  My favorite, most thought provoking comment is from Harold.  I have been lucky enough to experience the 3 H’s more than once… but the man that continues to capture my heart (head and soul) is not Dear Paula letter writer.  Dear Paula letter writer was an opportunity to feel it.. had a possibility of something…. I have  no idea what this “something” could or would be.   I definitely experienced the 3 H’s with the man before him…. and is the person I miss tremendously.  I’ve promised anonymity to him so he will forever be nameless and faceless… but he was perfectly imperfect to me – exactly what I want.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him…  a day that I wish I could see him, spend time with him.  We just clicked, connected… just naturally had the 3 H’s (no work required to have it all).  I wish he was in a different place so I could experience the 3 H’s with him again (I know, so selfish… all about me)….   But alas, life has its own agenda…he is busy… I don’t get what I want (poor me).
  • Zoey is on fire tonight –  for whatever reason, she is/has been chasing her tail for 30 minutes.  I have no idea what has fired her up .. I’ve not given her any catnip (cocaine, crack, etc)…  she’s just on fire… feels energy.. experiencing life.  It’s so fun to watch. Sophie, on the other hand, has found the highest, safest ground AWAY from Zoey..   

I just realized that I have tears running down my face (yes, thinking of unmentionable 3 H man makes me tear up)…  my spray tan may be ruined!  If it so obvious that I ruined my spray tan I will take a pic and share it with you….   will be interesting..

Small Quake in Bay Area.

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Hello folks!

I just wanted to let folks know that there was a minor earthquake in the Bay  Area on Monday.  I felt it.  I was in the shower, washing off the sweat from a run on a hot day…  yes, naked in the shower when the house started shaking, exactly like what happens in our nightmares (for those of us ladies who are not shaped like Kate Moss).

I quickly got dressed to check it out.. nothing seemed broken or otherwise out-of-place so I just forgot about it.  Here is the article for all to read:  3.7 Quake Shakes Northern Peninsula . 

All is well, no visible damage to the house…. just a mental change for me.. I will now be showering in a bathing suit.

Stab At Online Dating

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Short  and sweet entry tonight.

I don’t know how I came across Grey Goose’s site, but I have to say, when I have a few moments, I love to read what she writes.  My online dating experience has been somewhat similar – there are a bunch of crazies out there. …  and how I figure to work within this crazy world is beyond me.  Grey Goose definitely guides me… and adds a sense of humor/hilarity to it all. 

In support of GG’s findings, that online dating websites really do suck, I found this YouTube video, making fun of one of the most ridiculous online dating sites – eHarmony, with their take on it.  Its called eHerpes.  Check out the cold sores on the folks.. classic fun.  Not that there is anything wrong with herpes… full disclosure is good….

Legalize Prostitution.

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So, I’m up in the air, writing this post from 30,000 miles off the ground.  I’m flying Virgin America, I dare say,  the best darn airline in the whole world.  I have internet access, food at my fingertips, service with a smile…  If I have to waste time flying, this is certainly the way to do it.

I just finished watching a movie that a friend lent to me – Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer.  A great movie.  I’m outraged by his downfall.  All the man did was have consensual sex with another adult.  Other than him not being honest with his wife, I don’t get why this is a big deal.  He knows he did something “illegal”..  by why is it illegal?  And for me, how much time and money did the government waste building a case on him (he was hunted down by whom he made political enemies with)?   I live in the US, and I jsut cannot believe that our government, the  FBI, has millions of dollars to spare to  investigate a prostitution ring for a john of a high-priced escort.   Really?  They have nothing else to do?  Really?  I would beg to differ – they have plenty to do – like improve our school systems for one.  Update their systems to greatly reduce fraud and waste… on and on…

And what is wrong with two consenting adults arranging a mutually beneficial relationship, however short it is?  Nothing in my opinion, I think prostitution should be legal.  Now don’t get your feathers in a ruffle, I’m not suggesting that all sexual acts should be made legal – certainly human trafficking (people forced to have sex to “earn” freedom), and sex with children absolutely should be illegal.  Whats the difference?  Because the latter  hurts people, makes it a win-lose arrangement, and one person becomes a victim.  BUT, if two (or more) adult people come to a fair and equitable exchange, why not?  What’s wrong with it?  Don’t most people have this sort of arrangement anyway?  A woman receives the diamond necklace or prada purse she has been eying feels compelled to give her husband/boyfriend a blow job to thank him?  Money didn’t physically exchange hands, but its essentially the same thing – sex for something.  And I would go so far as to suggest that anyone reading this post has done something in exchange for sex (giving or receiving)…   And to go way out there, I would even dare say that marriage is a legally and socially acceptable form of prostitution… 

Yes, I liked the movie, it lit a fire in me that I felt compelled to share with my readers.  Feel free to respond, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

3 H’s – Head, Heart, and Heat – aka Chemistry.

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One more thing.  Even though I’ve been working a lot, my mind has been spinning.  The people who know me would recognize this as the “Paula Jukebox”.

 I’ve been thinking about what BF Unicorn and I talked about this weekend.    The hardest part, for us, and certainly for me, is realizing that the person you have married/loved/dated doesn’t recognize the rarity of the connection.  The rarity of finding someone that you feel the “3 H’s” for AND that you think that they feel the same way about you.  But in the end, they linger on in your mind, because it is mind-boggling that they don’t feel the same way (or aren’t willing to admit it).  Harsh.

So, what are the 3 H’s?  You all know them…  

  •  head,
  • heart, and
  • heat. 

The magic is when these 3 things align FOR BOTH PARTIES involved…..  when you are connected at a intellectual level, when there is a synergy that is unexplainable, and there is a passion, an attraction for each other that cannot be satiated….  I call this magical.   And which is why its so hard to let go of someone that you feel this way about/with…… or the possibility/potential for this.  It is really hard to understand why anyone would turn this down.  Obviously the answer is that the other person doesn’t feel the 3 H’s for you…

On my side,  I’ve only experienced this 2x in my life…  (1) My EX, who I can’t remember much about these days except for the last 2 years of our marriage, which where horrible.    (2)  The second and most genuine, honest relationship was with the first man I dated after my divorce… My Mr. Big.  The man I still carry a torch for, who sets the bar high for everyone else.  And the (3) 3rd time was not the actuall experience of it, but the potential of experiencing it again, was with Dear Paula Letter writer.  Experiencing the 3H’s is so rare, its still shocking to me that when you find it, feel it,  man or woman, that you dont just let go of whatever is going on and experience it, soak it all in, every bit of it.  No matter how long it lasts…   

I think that I’m the kind of person that can’t, won’t settle down unless I have “it all”….  all the H’s.  And which is why it takes me foooorrrevverrr to a) find someone, and b) get over someone (thus the creation and blathering on in this blog).   I don’t think I get over these relationships, but more just get passed them, move on, and prepare myself for a new and different (and smarter) experience. 

O.k.. enough thinking for tonight.  I really need to go to bed – I have to get up at 6am to catch my flight (and I’m not an early bird).  Good night.

Quick Update

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So, I finally have some time to catch my breath.  I’m in Boston, just finished up with some training.  I got to work with my new account executive (my new work partner in crime), delivered a new demo, and learn new and interesting things.  All fun… but exhausting.

Because of my last experience with work travel, I decided to stay Thursday night and fly home Friday….  this was a mistake this time around.  Everyone took off today (all are from the East Coast, making it a bit easier).  So, I’m now hanging out in my hotel room, drinking wine, and watching a movie. I would much rather be on a flight home, sleep in my own bed with my furry ladies.  Oh well, this is the way it worked out… not a problem.

So many things to catch up on. And in the spirit of the list, here are the events:

  • Weekend in Boston.  My weekend with my BFF Unicorns was fabulous!   We planned for nothing, experienced everything.  We laughed, cried, drank, slept, flirted, etc..  We also went to a bead store, Bead and Fiber, where I picked up a few things so I can finish up on a few jewelry projects.  I have many many hobbies, one of them being hula hooping which I’ve shared, another is jewelry making. I loooove making my own pieces, one-of-a-kinds…   its a creative outlet, one that I enjoy immensely.  One of these days I’lll post a few pictures of my pieces… 
  • Invite To Hawaii.  One of the men on my roster, Mr. Energy, EG Chicken Legs from here on out, invited me to Hawaii for a long weekend.  I know, WOW.  I decided that I would go and check it out.  Why not?    My heart certainly misses the men from the past, but they aren’t available so whats a girl to do?  Move on is right…?    Not sure Mr. EG Chicken Legs is the right guy for me, but no way to know for sure unless I dive in and check it out. 
  • Presentation.  I did a new presentation at work, and actually got kuddo’s for doing something different and interesting.. I guess I’m starting to feel like I know the stuff (which can be a very dangerous thing)…

So, two more things I wanted to write about … 

  1. one of them is a situation I experienced while with BFF Unicorn.  We were at the Renaissance Marriott in  Boston, which is a fabulous hotel… at the bar we met a gentleman, a young one at that.  He was very intrigued by us….  he invited us back to his room, which was a suite with a private jacuzzi…   and I blurted out “We Have Swimsuits!!!” . Yes I did.  And we did – I packed two swimsuits so BFF Unicorn and  I could enjoy the public pool/jacuzzi.  Well, needless to say… I do not think he cared that I packed swimsuits…    Nothing happened. We enjoyed one more drink with the good-looking man smart but young enough to be my son…  I’m such a dork….
  2. the other is that I’m thinking about starting a new page, an advice to men column, sharing my experiences about what men should do to get a lady, vs. what they actually do, which doesn’t get the lady.  Men do make bold moves, put themselves out there, but sometimes, their follow-thru is lack-luster, and they lose an opportunity … my advice column would be what TO DO..   

O.k.. I’m off to bed.. I’m exhausted. I’ve got to get up early and catch my flight home.

Lists, Lists, and More Lists.

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So, I just got home from C-Licious’ house…  Had dinner and cocktails.  Another Saturday night with one of my dearest friends.   My friend said these words to me, that she practices “purposeful gratefulness” …   When she said it, it stuck with me….  I can’t get these words out of my head.  She is so right, life, and how we see it, IS a choice. 

So, after eating a bit of dinner (homemade pasta sauce with extra fresh basil and parmasan cheese), and drinking a bit of “house wine”, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to create a page for all my lists… and this page needs to contain links  to my lists:

  • My “Perfectly Imperfect” List – the original list, the list of things about me that will never change and that new friends and potential suitors need to know about.  All my friends already know these things about me – and have helped defined the list. These are the quirky things that make me “perfectly imperfect”.
  • My Grateful List – because I think about it all the time, I’d love to have a running list..  inspired by my dear friend C-Licious.
  • My Bucket List – things I want to do/have done before I kick it.
  • “Shit That Bugs Me” List – a list of things that just bug me – you know, that person standing in the line at the bank and talking on the phone..  the idiot who drives 35 in the fast lane…  we all feel it.. I’m just going to list it.

I know, I know, I’m soooo into lists right now..  I can’t help it.  Have I mentioned that I have OCD?    I should probably add my obsession with lists to My Pefectly Imperfect List. 

🙂

Thoughts and Reflections.

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So, I’ve been busy with work this week (all goodness, its been a very successful week professionally), but in the back of my mind, relationship “stuff” has been swirling thru my head.  This has largely to do with a couple of events:

  • My Niece’s sperm donor (guy got my sister pregnant and took off, without even a good-bye) has reached out to her – on Facebook no less. She hasn’t seen/heard from him since she was 6 (so almost 15 years).
  • The fact that I reconnected with my first San Francisco girlfriend after 8 or so years…   its like we haven’t missed a beat. She’s the best, fun, most gorgeous friend ever!!  Love Her!!
  • Having a man drop off the roster…. and not being interested in adding another person to the roster.

I’ve been thinking about the relationships I most care about, the ones that are/have been the most honest, most rewarding, supportive. 

  1. Of course, the first set of folks are my girlfriends.  They have been with me thru thick and thin.  Most I’ve been friends with before I met my Ex…   stayed with me and supported me, no, propped me up and got me active and engaged during my divorce and recovery….   I wouldn’t know what I would do without these folks in my life.    My friend C-Licious, who got me out for runs, let me cry and run without judgement…   Who adopted me and let me go everywhere with her and her husband (and family, friends, etc..)…  My other best friends, HOPR team, who, hung out with me in “the danger zone” (aka house on Kehoe), who never judged my crazy, reclusive tendendies…  who were always up for taking me out and showing me a good time, even if that meant walking to Celia’s and letting me have too many margaritas.  To all the other friends who wouldn’t let our relationship die with my marriage, and who I adore and cherish every moment with today (thank you ladies for that!!!)..   I could write a book on how fan-tabulous all my lady-friends are.  
  2. The second set would be my family – mostly my niece and my parents ( I’m not real close to my other sisters).  These folks have been nothing but supportive, being my cheerleaders thru thick and thin.  I remember when I told my parents about my divorce (I was apprehensive about it – they liked him)… I’ll never forget my dads first words – “lifes to short to be unhappy”.  Not “are you sure you know what your doing (dumbass)”, “what about kids”, etc..  but, “we support you and your happiness 200%”.    Makes me tear up just thinking about it.  And my niece, who doesn’t forget about me ever, even though she is 20, married with 2 kids, and working full time.  Always calls me, reaching out to me, keeping me updated with her and the kids’ goings-on.  I love that.
  3. The last would be the last 2 guys I’ve dated.  I know, I don’t like that Dear Paula Letter writer broke up with me via email, didn’t communicate with me about how he was feeling and just reacted to his thoughts and feelings with total withdrawl.  I get that he was doing the best he could do, but the shutout hurt.  Anyway, what I liked about the relationship was how easy and fun it was.  I dont really know how honest he was as I didn’t have the time to really get to know him, but he had a great energy, and we had a great energy together.  Who knows where it could have gone, but it got me thinking that people can connect in this crazy world.   The other would be the man I saw on and off for almost 18 months before that… the first man I dated after my divorce.  It was and still is the most honest, open, caring relationship that I’ve been in.  We had a lot of stuff going on in  our lives, but our time together was about spending quality time together.  He definitely took care of me in a way I could appreciate.. and I did the same for him. We laughed all the time… there was a connection and energy that we shared that I’ve not had with anyone else.   I miss him.

Because of these folks, Iam finding dating a lot less interesting now..    I’ve not met anyone I’ve really connected with …  and I’m just not sure if its something you can go and find on a dating website.. I think it has to hit you upside the head at the most random and unexpected times.    I’m pretty sure I’m NOT going to add a new guy to the roster, I think I’m just going to see what happens with the two on the roster right now.  I dont know if I’ve just not spent enough time with these guys, or if there is just not something there… but none of them knock my socks off …  and I don’t want to miss spending time with peeps from 1 and 2 above for just anyone. 

Oh, and one more thing. Its so funny that this post is in list form.  I have created at least a 1/2 dozen lists this week… I’m a list-maniac right now!!

Nothing And Everything… All In One Post.

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O.k.. So I have so much to write about… this post is really about nothing and everything. Let me explain.

First, I completed a very important professional milestone today – I delivered my first software demo to a prospect.  Its a big deal in my world. It wasn’t perfect.. but I did it. The prospect understood and was engaged the entire time…   Most important thing (to me), is that I got over the “delivery to a customer” hump.  My internal champions – my mentor, my manager, and my managers manager are happy with the performance…  There are certainly areas for improvement…always are.  Bt once again, I’ve successfully and supportively jumped a hurdle.  Yes, I’m patting myself on the back.

Secondly, I just spent 3 hours on the phone. I KNOW!!!   I never do this – I hate the phone. I only use it to establish meeting places and times… I much prefer to meet in person.  But tonight, I had the time, I received the phone calls, I took them and actually spent quality time with people I like/love. Not in person mind you, but over the phone.  I loved every minute of it.  Its been years, yes YEARS, since I’ve had a long conversation on the phone.  I get it now….. . maybe.. until you call me and I don’t pick up.  😉

Thirdly, let me explain to you what its like to “work from home”. I realize this sounds so glamorous to the folks that have to get up on a daily basis and go thru a routine – wake up, shower, drop kids off, drive to work, work, return home, make dinner, go to bed… rinse and repeat.  Working from home has its own set of challenges.  Granted, I’m not complaining, I just want to articulate what my life has been like for the last 48 hours so you understand that “working from home” can lead to a very reclusive lifestyle:

  • Saturday:  woke up in pajamas.   Worked all day in pajamas.  Showered at 4pm, cocktail and dinner with friends at 5pm, home by 9pm, in bed by 10pm in same pajamas.
  • Sunday:  woke up in same said pajamas, changed to running clothes for a 12 noon run, worked the rest of the day in my workout gear, rinsed off at 6pm, put said pajamas back on, went to bed at 10pm.
  • Monday:  woke up in same pajamas, started working. Changed to same forementioned workout clothes for a 4pm run, rinced off at 6pm and returned to same Saturday pajamas, worked until 11pm.
  • Tuesday:  woke up in same pajamas.  Worked until 1pm (until the demo was complete).  Took a nap at 1pm…  back to work until 5pm, when I finally SHOWERED and put on real clothing. Went to grocery store, purchased food, ate dinner in real clothing.  Writing post in real clothing.

My point is, that I spent a good 48 hours at home, in THE SAME clothing, no makeup, no physical contact with the outside world other than my dear friend.  This is TOO normal for me.  Honestly, I dont know why I felt like “getting out” this evening, I just did….   and it was to a grocery store and KMart (which I will write about when I’m willing to really let go…)..  I easily could have gone until Wednesday, or even the weekend before seeing another soul, before getting out of the house in T-Shirt and Jeans…    Last year, I literally went weeks without seeing anyone but friends…  this is why my friends encouraged me to sign up for online dating (I know….  we all have words for these “friends” of mine).

O.k.. the picture I posted with this post is totally random.  Its what came up in a search for images on “Nothing and Everything”…

OMG – Local Hooping Lessons Starting In May!

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Can you believe my good fortune?!??!?   A friend just alerted me to a beginning hoopers series that is starting in MY TOWN this MAY!!!  OMG, OMG, OOO MMYYYY GODDDDD  I’m SO EXCITED!    Here is the link to all the info – http://www.heartbreakhoopers.com/ – you know that I’ve already emailed them with questions about the sessions… Me and my hoop are going public in May…   watch out Washington Park, here I come!

Can you feel my excitement!?!?!