3 H’s – Head, Heart, and Heat – aka Chemistry.

One more thing.  Even though I’ve been working a lot, my mind has been spinning.  The people who know me would recognize this as the “Paula Jukebox”.

 I’ve been thinking about what BF Unicorn and I talked about this weekend.    The hardest part, for us, and certainly for me, is realizing that the person you have married/loved/dated doesn’t recognize the rarity of the connection.  The rarity of finding someone that you feel the “3 H’s” for AND that you think that they feel the same way about you.  But in the end, they linger on in your mind, because it is mind-boggling that they don’t feel the same way (or aren’t willing to admit it).  Harsh.

So, what are the 3 H’s?  You all know them…  

  •  head,
  • heart, and
  • heat. 

The magic is when these 3 things align FOR BOTH PARTIES involved…..  when you are connected at a intellectual level, when there is a synergy that is unexplainable, and there is a passion, an attraction for each other that cannot be satiated….  I call this magical.   And which is why its so hard to let go of someone that you feel this way about/with…… or the possibility/potential for this.  It is really hard to understand why anyone would turn this down.  Obviously the answer is that the other person doesn’t feel the 3 H’s for you…

On my side,  I’ve only experienced this 2x in my life…  (1) My EX, who I can’t remember much about these days except for the last 2 years of our marriage, which where horrible.    (2)  The second and most genuine, honest relationship was with the first man I dated after my divorce… My Mr. Big.  The man I still carry a torch for, who sets the bar high for everyone else.  And the (3) 3rd time was not the actuall experience of it, but the potential of experiencing it again, was with Dear Paula Letter writer.  Experiencing the 3H’s is so rare, its still shocking to me that when you find it, feel it,  man or woman, that you dont just let go of whatever is going on and experience it, soak it all in, every bit of it.  No matter how long it lasts…   

I think that I’m the kind of person that can’t, won’t settle down unless I have “it all”….  all the H’s.  And which is why it takes me foooorrrevverrr to a) find someone, and b) get over someone (thus the creation and blathering on in this blog).   I don’t think I get over these relationships, but more just get passed them, move on, and prepare myself for a new and different (and smarter) experience. 

O.k.. enough thinking for tonight.  I really need to go to bed – I have to get up at 6am to catch my flight (and I’m not an early bird).  Good night.

One thought on “3 H’s – Head, Heart, and Heat – aka Chemistry.

  1. Harold Spain April 18, 2011 / 1:09 pm

    The Big Three Hearted River.

    I make reference to the Hemingway short stories about the healing from the trauma of the First World War.

    Nick (the only character) is left at a train staition all alone. He watches the train he had ridden depart and finds himself alone at a town he once new that has been destroyed by a fire.

    As the story unfolds Nick jurneys through fire ravaged country into the woods where he makes camp, cooks, then eats a well needed meal and eventually fishes, catching fish for a future meal.

    The story is a work of beautiful prose that embraces both the joyful experiance of being alive after some undisclosed trauma but also healing power of compleating tasks that are difficult but within your ability but not everyones.

    The dear Paula guy has scared you more than you describe. You invested, revieled, expressed, cared and obviously felt for this man in a profound way. Now you look at the 3 H’s through fogy glasses.

    It would seem to this outsider that you felt all the H’s plus with this guy and are now stumbeling to stand up strait again. All the things that taisted just so wonderful when you were in the glow of the H’s now are like both bland and simply objects you put in your mouth without any real sensation or meaning.

    As Nick did in the story you must start from a place that you knew and have no real fear from and journey to that place where you know you can find both comfort and peace.

    Finding your H’s is a difficult journey. You have found in your life what few people ever are able to and were lucky enough to have recognised it. Count yourself blessed. Though the Dear P. guy was unable to or scared by the idea you were not. Keep that on one of those lists you are so fond of and break it out once in a while to remind yourself that you are truely alive.

    At the end of the Hemingway story Nick looks out onto a swampy area of the river where he know the fishing will be good. He expresses trepadation at the difficulty of venturing there but knows he will or can fish there in the days to come.

    You are on the way to healing and will be able to recognise the big 3 when they bump into you. It just takes time and the will to heal. perhaps a 4 H is needed for a while.

    Until you get there take care and be well.

    H. S.


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