Dating

All things related to dating and meeting new people.

Introducing The Family.

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

So, I’m home tonight.  I just finished up with dinner at my favorite watering hole with ATrain.  We are doing very well…   so well in fact, that I’m taking him home to “meet the parents”.  I was thinking about it tonight, I’ve NOT introduced my parents to anyone except GFP in 5 years.  Tomorrow I’m taking the ATrain home with me to meet the parents.  5 years.  5 YEARS.  I keep repeating it because I can’t believe it.  My EX never came to Utah with me – I think he thought my family was beneath him (he was spoiled and elitist IMO), the last time he did was 2007.  That means that my parents haven’t met anyone that I’ve been with or dates in the last 5 years.   I know, I keep saying it, it’s just so surprising. No wonder they all think I’m a lesbian!  🙂

BTW, ATrain is Jewish, my parents are Mormon. I didn’t even know that there were Jewish people until I left Utah..  needless to say, there wasn’t much of a Jewish community in Provo Utah in the 1980’s… 

Finally, I should be working, I have a  TON of work to finish up before I can call it a night, but I wanted to share this momentous occasion.  I will let you know how it goes. With any luck, I’ll be able to take time away from work and actually do something fun for a change… like blog!

Just a Quick Update.

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I’m alive and happy.  I’ve just showered up after a run with CLicious and now heading out for a motorcycle ride with ATrain.  It’s a gorgeous day here in CA… 

Work has been brutal these last few weeks.  I’ll share more about what is going on – loving your job really has to do with enjoying what you do AND respecting the people around you.  I’m having a tough time with one of my colleagues…  I’ll share more later.

The cats are happy… I’m not home every night anymore (spending time with ATrain at his house, its only fair), but when we are home, they have two laps to sit on, they seem content with this arrangement. 

I’m headed to Utah next week to fix a few things at my condo – its a great condo that is rented out.. a gorgeous, furnished, luxury 2bdr, 2ba condo in the heart of downtown SLC.  I’d love it for myself but its just not possible now… so I’ve got to go fix a few things while the tenant is away.

Ok.. ATrain just showed up with his Harley…  Here I go!!

 

How Quickly Life Changes.

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Things can happen in an instant, your life can change in a matter of moments. 

I’ve experienced this first hand in such an unexpected way.  A-Train and I have spent a lot of time together since meeting back in early November.  And the time we have shared has been just magical.  I actually cried last night because I was so happy. I cannot belive how much he cares for me, how much he takes care of me, and how much I adore him. 

I just returned from spending a fabulous weekend with him in Santa Barbara.  I’ve finished unpacking, am now enjoying a glass of wine, and reminiscing about what great of a time we had.  We drove down on Friday…  spend time with his best friend – his childhood friend and his wife.  I loved them both.  I cannot wait to spend more time with them.. and we actually made plans to do that. It was comfortable and nice.

But before we left for Santa Barbara, A-Train had a surprise for me.  He had taken my car into a body shop and had a small dent fixed for me.  A dent that bugged me because I did it.  I accidentally ran into the electrical pipe that runs from the meter. It’s attached to the house, but it’s placed on the side of the house where there is a very narrow driveway.  I couldn’t see it…. when I first moved in I hit the pipe.   The mark I made on the right front fender was deep, no hiding it.  It has  bothered me, embarrassed me since it happened.   Not only because the dent is so obvious, but because it reminded me of my EX.  My EX used to always accuse me of not taking care of things. The insinuation was that I was not as good as him and that I didn’t know how to properly take care of things, that I was careless.  It really hurt me when he would say these words to me, after all, accidents do happen:

  • he accused me of “trashing” his car because I put a string-cheese wrapper in his car door pocket SO that I could throw it away when I got out of the car….
  • another time I lifted the lid on a printer and the plastic pin that holds the lid to the printer broke.  He accused me of being careless…  Honestly, I opened the lid and the thing snapped/popped…  but for the next 3 years, I “broke” the printer… and was reminded 1000 times to “be careful this time”…

Anyway, the surprise.  A-Train took my car to a body shop, had the dent repaired, and paid for it.  He did it because he knew it would make me feel better.  He wanted me to feel good.  Wanted me to be happy.  Seriously, I’ve NEVER had that kind of treatment.  As we were driving to Santa Barbara I started tearing up.  I told him how sweet he was, how nice and thoughtful it was.  You know what he said?  “I want to make you happy”.  Really?!?  Someone out there enjoys making me happy.  Wow.  I’ve never had that before.  It feels very strange.. and awkward.  It made me very uncomfortable at first… but really, after thinking about it, don’t I deserve that?  I deserved that in my marriage, I deserve that in all my relationships – To be with someone who WANTS me to be happy, that wants to do what they can to make me happy…    I feel the same way. I would go to the ends of the earth to do whatever necessary to make my partner happy…. 

So, two and a half months ago I didn’t know A-Train.  Now I cannot imagine my life without him.  I love spending time with him, traveling with him, hanging with him, and I sleep more soundly when I’m with him (I’ve had trouble sleeping for years… but not when I’m with him).  Sigh….

All I know is that life can change in an instant. My instant was a couple of months ago when CLicious introduced me to A-Train.  Lucky me.

Entering 2012 With A Bang.

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Happy New Year Everyone! 

I wanted to give a quick update.  My holiday weekend was WONDERFUL.  A-Train is amazing.  We had the best time together… 

A-Train and I drove up to Napa early Friday afternoon. Spent 2 glorious days in Yountville, CA.  Stayed at the Bardessono Resort & Spa (unbelievable – one of the nicest places I have ever stayed), had dinner with his son and his son’s girlfriend on Friday, spent time together on Saturday (went rollerblading thru wine country), drove home on Sunday.  It was an incredible weekend – spectacular company, delicious food, amazing scenery, fantastic bike rides.  We obviously couldn’t get enough of each other because we ended up spending Sunday and Monday together as well.  Our weekend ended this morning….. 😉

I am so happy that I let go of the past, got over the age/looks reservation, because honestly, I would have missed out on this opportunity.  Even though there is a 20 year age difference, A-Train and I have a lot in common:

  • We have kids relatively the same age – his son is 24, my AbFab is 22
  • We have the same moral compass – respect others, respect ourselves, honest to the bone, transparent
  • We are both nurturers
  • We are both hilarious and make each other laugh
  • We can have deep conversations about politics, religion, and the world at large

What more could any woman ask for?  A man who cares, that can show he cares, is nice to everyone around him, is witty and intelligent,  makes me laugh so hard my belly aches, , and is an expert bike rider? 

I know, I know, it’s new, it’s exciting, it’s fresh.  But thinking about him makes me smile, and I WANT to spend more time with him.  AND he wants to spend more time with me.  The more time we spend together, the fewer reservations I have.  For now, I will bask in the glow of a fabulous weekend with a wonderful person and leave it at that.  I will spend as much time with him as I can before I leave for Florida next week… as a matter of fact, he is picking me up in 30 minutes and we are going to run errands and have dinner.  So domestic, I love it!

I have also made up my mind on my New Year’s Resolutions… I will get them out and make them “official” by weeks end. 

Lastly, I promise to write a post about A-Train – how we met (CLicious introduced us while we were Happy Houring it at our favorite restaurant/bar), when we met (early November), his nicknames for me (“sunshine” and “my little treasure”), and what I’ve learned both about him and myself thru this new adventure.

Napa For New Years.

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As requested by one of my favorite readers, a much lighter post …

I’m headed to Napa for New Years with my new man, the older gentleman, which will forever be known as A-Train (named by CLicious and her husband).  We have been spending a lot of time together lately, and you know what? I’m having a great time!  I’ve decided that I don’t care how odd we might look to others, I’m going to enjoy the man I’m with.   He is kind, generous, empathetic, hilarious, and sweet as can be to me.  And today he is taking me to one of my favorite little towns in Napa, where we will enjoy each other’s company while tasting wine, eating great food,  testing out our rollerblading skills, and of course a lot of bicycle riding!

So, all in all I’m going to have one fabulous weekend…  I wish you all the same!

In Between My Legs.

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This is a favorite post-sentence statement of my dear friend CLicious.  You know, add this statement onto the end of a regular sentence…. “I love your new sweater (in between my legs)”…  “I’ll have the chocolate souffle (in between my legs)”…  you get the idea.   Same as the “in bed” statement you add to the end of any fortune cookie fortune.  This line cracks us up all the time. 

But this article is of a bit more serious nature…  Chlamydia.  Yes, I spelled it correctly, I had to look it up, I’ve been researching it.  Why do you ask?  Because 3 weeks ago I got a phone call out of the blue from Chicken Legs.  I was heading out for a very important prospect meeting… my phone rang.  I saw it was him, I debated whether to take the call, but I decided to just do it – to answer the phone call.  Mind you, I’m at my company’s CA office, in the lobby, where my colleagues where standing and the receptionist was sitting.  Don’t ask me why… I just did.  I say hello, ask him how he was doing..  here is how the 2 minute conversation went:

Me: ” Hi Chicken Legs, how are you?”

Chicken Legs:  “Ahh, not so good Paula”.

Me:  “Oh, Ok..  is there something I can help you with?”

Chicken Legs:  “I went to the doctors because of some itching around my eyes…  The doctor said I have Chlamydia.. and the last time I had this eye itch was when I was with you… so… uhhh… I think you gave me Chlamydia”.

Me: (SHOCKED and in a VERY PUBLIC place)  “Wow, well, o.k..  I was tested in April and everything was fine”..  “I don’t know what to say except that I’m on my way to a meeting and I’m going to need to call you back”.

Chicken Legs:  “Oh, o.k..  Just thought I should let you know”

Me: ” Yes, thank you, I appreciate it.  I’ll get back to you.  Have a good afternoon.  Good-bye”  Click.

Yeah. I know.  I was shocked. I was in shock for the entire meeting… I drove home from the meeting in shock.  My niece AbFab and her hubby were in town so I told them all about it.  I didn’t know anything about it.  They gave me some facts about Chlamydia, we looked up some info on the internet…  no real symptoms in women,  it’s very treatable, but it’s still something you don’t want to have.

My initial reaction was shock.  My second reaction was that there was no way I gave it to him… My third reaction was, shit, what if he gave it to me?  Do I have to call Mr. Showtime and tell him?? Ugghhh…

So, I scheduled a doctor’s appointment and had myself tested.  Not only was I clean in April 2011 (annual Pap Smear and STD test), my test came back negative in November.  So I was clean BEFORE we started to date, and I’m clean now.  So, a) I didn’t give him anything, but more importantly, b) he didn’t give anything to me.

My doctor was so funny – he reminded me how he told me the dating scene is very different now and that “even if you are in ‘an exclusive’ relationship, you should ALWAYS protect yourself.  He said I needed to stop acting like a horny teenager (while he had a smile on his face as he knows I don’t sleep around).   I do love my Gyno, he cracks me up.  But the message was loud and clear – I was lucky this time.  If I continue to have unprotected sex, I will catch something… Yuck. 

Of course I had to let Chicken Legs know… I just sent an email to him, here it is in its entirety:

Hi Chicken Legs.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend.

I wanted to thank you for calling me a few weeks ago.  It must have been really hard for you to call me up after all these months to give me “the news”.  I appreciate you being honest and mature about it.

I also wanted to let you know that whatever you have/had, I did not give it to you.  I was tested in April 2011 (annual Pap Smear and test results were negative (This is good news, it means that I do  not have anything cancerous or STD related).  I had myself tested again after your call, and the results came back negative as well.  So I’m clean, then and now.  If you want to talk about it, feel free to call me, I’m happy to discuss it with you.

Have a great weekend and I wish you the best in 2012.

Paula

I feel better that he now knows… but I feel even better that he now knows that I did not give him anything like he assumed/thought.   I wished I had a mean bone in my body because what I really wanted to say is that whoever he slept with after me is the Ho is the person/people he should be talking with.  

For those of you with horny teenagers (boys and girls alike), you should have them read this – STD’s are SO EASY to catch.  And if you sleep with someone without a condom, you are sleeping with every single person that they have slept with.  That’s just gross, and if the person you are attracted to is mature, then he/she will understand why the wait and a “clean bill of health” is important.

My OCD Has Kicked In.

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Sometimes I get a bit Obsessive Compulsive.  I cannot believe it, but with all I have going on with work, with family and friends, and the holidays, thoughts of My Mr. Big keep coming back to me.  Where is he?  What is he doing? Is he happy? Not happy?  Is he thinking about me, about us, what we shared? 

I have spent the year holding back with new men… not wanting to get in too deep just in case My Mr. Big came back.   I now know I’ve been wasting my time (or maybe not, its made me pick a higher caliber of men EXCEPT for Chicken Legs.. another story coming soon), but it seems to have put me in obsessive mode.  I’ve not seen or heard from this man since April.  He has disconnected his phone, let his email expire…  he has not reach out. He has not tried to contact me NOR has he left me any avenues to do so.  Yet, I still think of him.. a lot.. too much in all honesty.  I loved what we shared, it was exactly what I want in a relationship.  But it obviously won’t work, he’s not interested. So why have I NOT moved on, found that “magic” with someone else?

Because that “magic” is so hard to find.  Sometimes it falls in your lap….   but it cannot be forcibly created.  It’s just happens, just shows up, just there…  that extra something between two people who just is.  One of my favorite bloggers, ThatPrecariousGait,  just wrote a great post on the New Normal.  I loved her insight on life, love, and moving on after  divorce.  After reading her post, I realized that my new normal, the one I enjoyed so much, was the life I shared with My Mr. Big.  I loved that life…  It’s like my favorite job.  I miss it, I want it back…

But alas, I am keenly aware that I now need a “new new normal”…  not one where I just live, waiting, hoping, that My Mr. Big comes back…  Its going to require me to get involved, to jump in to the pool of life, and get busy living.  This screams of a New Years Resolution.. I’ll keep you posted.

Long Overdue Update.

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I know… I read all my blog friends updates, and I give none of my own.   I LOVE reading the updates… no matter how short or lengthy they are.  And as much as I enjoy them, I don’t seem to be able to write until I’m overwhelmed with a bullet list of activities to share.   I need to follow in the footsteps of my favorite bloggers,and get better about sharing on a regular basis..

A quick couple of updates for now :

  • Old Boyfriend:  I sent an email to My Mr. Big to wish him a happy birthday.. his email address is no longer active.  I’ve spent a lot of this year holding on to him…. . missing him, missing him desperately at times.  The fact that his email address does not exist anymore smacks me over the head (and heart) with a dose of reality.  He has moved on, and that I alone have been the one holding on to the idea of him, the idea of us.  I thought we had something so special .. and we did.. but that was then, it this not now.  An “email account that you tried to reach does not exist” message from Gmail” has knocked some sense into me … As hard as it is to admit, he has moved on, and as special as what we shared was, it is no longer.  It takes two to make something magical, and as much as I love(d) him, he is not in that magical place with me.  Time for me to grow up, get a move on, and get over it. Those of you who know me will know that this effort to move on will be a new years resolution…   
  • New Boyfriend:  I met a gentleman in my favorite bar in early November… we really get along well.  I just spent a full weekend with him. Yes, a  full 48 hours.  And I actually liked it.  I did not only not tire of his company, I actually enjoyed it.  The even better news?  I actually miss him tonight.  Crazy… He has met my family (AbFab and family were in town for 10 days), they like him.. My friends CLicisous and her hubby have met him and love him…..  All goodness.  However, (isn’t there always a but??), he is a bit older than me and looks it.  So, he is older and looks older, I’m 40 and look younger.  I never thought I’d care what others thing, but I do feel a bit self-conscious when I realize that people are staring….  wondering if I’m his daughter vs. his lover…   He is so sweet and good to me, we have a lot in common (kids the same age, same philosophy in life, same politics, etc.), and so much fun together…  I’m going to ignore the looks from others and give this a go.. …
  • Family Visit:  AbFab  and her family came out to stay with me for a few weeks … God, I’m still missing them. It was crazy around the house with 4 other people, but a good crazy.  I am in love with AbFab.. and her girls, Mayonaise and Shaynayhay are awesome.  I didn’t get as much time with them as I would have liked (I still had to work), but boy, are these girls full of energy, personality, and plain old goodness. 
  • Parents Visit:  My parents came to CA and stayed a couple of days with me.  I loved seeing them, relaxed, and enjoying themselves n a different environment.  They seem to like it, and I really enjoy having them see my friends, experience my life.   I love them dearly, as I get older I realize how much they have given me, how much they have influenced me, the person I’ve become.  They are good peeps… and  plan on spending more time with them in the coming new year.

I’ve had a couple of hard work experiences lately, I’ll write more about this later as it has to do with personality conflicts…  too much to explain in this update…

I’m looking forward to these last few weeks of the year,  have a lot of work to do, but it’s also the time  take to reflect on this year, form new goals for next year, and enjoy my family and friends….

Thanks for your patience.. I’ll get better at blogging regularly once again.

Giving Thanks.

PaulasPonderings3 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  This my favorite holiday, a time to really focus on and appreciate what I have.  I have so many great friends, I love the family I’m close to, and I really enjoy my job.  I’m very content with the way my “new” life has turned out… I’m very lucky – I’m healthy and happy.

So, onto a life update.  First, I apologize for being so out-of-pocket.  Work has been busy, and I’ve just not had the energy to write.  I’ve got a ton of things to share, but no time to share them.  A quick update below as I have to go and get ready for my big Thanksgiving dinner with GFP’s family.  GFP is currently on the roster, but over the year, we have become very good friends.  I love this man, he is definitely one of my best friends now.  He will be moving off The Roster and onto my About Me page here shortly. 

Work wise, the meeting in ATL was great, but the deal isn’t going to close this year.  Mama may not get her diamond ring for Xmas.  😦   Good news is that we did what we went to do, and there is potential to close the deal in Q2 of next year.  Works for me.  It’s a deal still on the table. Yeah. 

Family wise, AbFab, the Hubby, Mayonaise, and Shanayhay are heading to CA.  They wanted to drive vs. fly (crazy kids I tell ya). They will be here in a few weeks and will spend a week here…  I can’t wait!  I’ve taken a few days off to spend with them. A lesson I learned while my parents were here.  Yes, my parents came out a few weeks ago and I did not take any time off.  I know, what was I thinking?!?  I absolutely loved having them around, spending time with them in my hood.  My dad wasn’t feeling well so they only met one person. That person?  GFP. Yep, GFP came over and we all watched football together.  It was a very cool evening.

On the dating front, I met a wonderful man unexpectedly.  He was sitting at the bar at my favorite bar/restaurant one evening when I was hanging with CLicious.     He is smart, energetic, fun, has a job that he enjoys, loves his family (he has a 23-year-old son)..  I’ve been out with him 6+ times now.  He is a gentleman thru and thru.  He is older than me by quite a few years – by 23 years.  As you know, I like them older so this doesn’t bother me.  He is so nice to me, always thinking about ways he can take care of me.  I’ve never had a guy want to take care of me – focused on how they can contribute to my happiness.  It’s very different for me.  I’m still uncomfortable with having someone be so kind to me but this is definitely something I need to get over (I’m so used to taking care of myself, why can’t I just let that go a bit and let someone else do something nice for me?!??! This is a topic for another blog).

I’m also thinking about my New Years Resolutions.  I love setting goals for myself..  I’ll spend the next month formulating them… I don’t like Christmas – the commercialism of it all, so I choose to ignore the holiday, be a good person, and think about where I want to go/be next year…  This makes me love this part of the year. 

O.k.. I’ve got to go, get ready to hang with GFP and his family.  Please enjoy the friends and family you’ve chosen to surround yourself with, appreciate what you have, and let go of the rest.

Quick Update.

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So I’ve been heads down working. I have a big demo on Tuesday, wish me luck. I’m desperate to close this deal soon – it will bring in the cash I need to buy a ring for myself for Christmas. I was walking by a jewelry store and fell in love with an antique diamond ring…… It’s old-fashioned, has a ton of character, its one of a kind. Its not the diamond per say as it is small…..there is just something about it that has captured me… Im in love.

On the dating side, I was missing Mr. Showtime big time, but slowly I’m getting used to what happened. I’ve had a few dates lately that have been great. I’ve had 2 dates with one man this week alone. He’s a few years older than me, is a real gentleman(old fashioned that way – love to treat a lady like a lady), is a lot of fun, and lives about a mile from me. We have plans to go out when I get back from Atlanta.

On the personal side, I’m looking great. I have my Avon Serum back and am using it religiously…. I’m back to getting carded for alcohol and I’ve had half a dozen people think I was 26-28…. Not bad for a 40 year old.

Ok, I’m off to bed…. I’m so tired and I have a long day tomorrow.