Letter of Resignation.

I did it today. Resigned from my current job.  It feels good to no longer tolerate a very bad working situation.  It also feels unfinished to me – I would absolutely not be leaving if it weren’t for the actions and behavior of one person.  But for my physical and mental health, for my relationships – with my boyfriend, my friends, I cannot continue forward on my current path.

I looked up the word resignation on the internet…  the definition is ‘relinquishment of responsibility’.  Synonyms include abandonment, giving up, leaving, quitting, surrender, withdrawal…  Harsh words.

My optimistic side tells me to look at the bright side – that I’m taking control of a bad situation, turning a new leaf, making a healthy decision, choosing a different path. My very thoughtful boyfriend ATrain tells me that this bad situation has pushed me into a new opportunity that I might not have otherwise have seen/taken.  Unicorns is proud of and excited for me.

For now, I’m brooding. I’m unsettled, uncomfortable. Maybe it’s just the circumstances.  Maybe it’s the change.  Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve made some bad professional decisions in the past. Maybe it’s because I’ve had so much change in my life over the last 4 years.  But I’ve never had to leave a job before.  I guess there is a first time for everything.

For those of you interested, here is my resignation letter in its entirety.   Name replaced to protect the guilty.

Please accept this email as official notification of my intent to resign from my position as a Sr. Solution Consultant two weeks from now.  My last day will be Friday, Oct. 26th.  

Over the last two years, I have been inspired by the talent and professionalism of my colleagues and by the power and flexibility of this amazing product.  That has made my decision to leave the company especially difficult.  However, since I began working with Man Hands, I have been in turmoil. 

I have always believed that the surest path to success is for an EA and an SC to work as partners, to collaborate on account strategy and to communicate transparently with each other.  Unfortunately, Man Hands does not share this point of view.  She has been consistently mistrustful of me without cause, has withheld information from me that is critical to my success and to our company’s success at Cisco, and has attempted to tarnish my reputation with colleagues.  And despite the fact that I have gone well beyond the call of duty, logging 12-15 hour days and consistently working weekends for the last six months, her attitude towards me remains unchanged.  Working under such stressful conditions has become mentally and physically debilitating and for that reason, I must resign.

Resigning for these reasons is extremely disconcerting, but, given the circumstances, I don’t feel I have much choice. Senior management does not seem troubled by Man Hands abusive behavior toward me,  therefore, I doubt that any change is imminent.  I have really enjoyed working with you, our team, and the SE organization.  I am passionate about the technology and have really enjoyed being on the forefront of building strong relationships with companies like XXX and XXXX.  And I want to thank you for being a wonderful manager. I appreciate more than you know your support during some of the most difficult times I’ve had professionally.  I know you did everything you could to improve my working conditions and I appreciate that.  I sincerely hope that my resignation does not reflect adversely upon you in any way.

Please let me know if I can provide any assistance with the transition. I would be glad to provide whatever support I can during my remaining time with the company.

And with this letter, I have officially resigned.  I feel good about letting them know why, but I know it still doesn’t change anything. It is what it is.

My OCD Has Kicked In.

Sometimes I get a bit Obsessive Compulsive.  I cannot believe it, but with all I have going on with work, with family and friends, and the holidays, thoughts of My Mr. Big keep coming back to me.  Where is he?  What is he doing? Is he happy? Not happy?  Is he thinking about me, about us, what we shared? 

I have spent the year holding back with new men… not wanting to get in too deep just in case My Mr. Big came back.   I now know I’ve been wasting my time (or maybe not, its made me pick a higher caliber of men EXCEPT for Chicken Legs.. another story coming soon), but it seems to have put me in obsessive mode.  I’ve not seen or heard from this man since April.  He has disconnected his phone, let his email expire…  he has not reach out. He has not tried to contact me NOR has he left me any avenues to do so.  Yet, I still think of him.. a lot.. too much in all honesty.  I loved what we shared, it was exactly what I want in a relationship.  But it obviously won’t work, he’s not interested. So why have I NOT moved on, found that “magic” with someone else?

Because that “magic” is so hard to find.  Sometimes it falls in your lap….   but it cannot be forcibly created.  It’s just happens, just shows up, just there…  that extra something between two people who just is.  One of my favorite bloggers, ThatPrecariousGait,  just wrote a great post on the New Normal.  I loved her insight on life, love, and moving on after  divorce.  After reading her post, I realized that my new normal, the one I enjoyed so much, was the life I shared with My Mr. Big.  I loved that life…  It’s like my favorite job.  I miss it, I want it back…

But alas, I am keenly aware that I now need a “new new normal”…  not one where I just live, waiting, hoping, that My Mr. Big comes back…  Its going to require me to get involved, to jump in to the pool of life, and get busy living.  This screams of a New Years Resolution.. I’ll keep you posted.