Friends & Family

Anything and everything that has to do with my family.. immediate family (furry felines), my Utah Family, and my Friends who are like family.

Totally Drained. Emotionally Spent. Nothing Left to Give.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

These last 3 weeks have been brutal.  I have been traveling non-stop to Boston for 3 weeks for my new job to get up to speed on new technology, messaging, and relationships.   I’m just recovered from a  bad cold.  A friendship I really enjoyed somehow went from fun to fatal in my absense.  My dad has not recovered from his surgery and is not doing well. My nieces car engine needs to be replaced so she can get to/from school and work.   And tonight, while at dinner with colleagues, I received a call from some crazy lady back home who has trapped my cat inside her house.    She is going to let her go tonight – but who does that??  Sophie, the cat, only travels/adventures out when I’m gone too long, heads out to look for me (or love.. maybe food)…. breaks my heart. 

The experience of processing everything that is going on and trying to figure out what I need to do to move forward has left me emotionally spent.  My energy levels are very low. My body feels heavy, tired, and completely run down. My mind is muddled and blank. I’m not quite sure what direction to go in….  I’m numb.

I know that life is busy and full of challenges… most of the time I can handle it, and sometimes even with grace.  Other times, like now, it just takes a toll.  I have zero room for anything else right now…. I have nothing else to give.  And I still have two more days of training in cold, grey Boston….  an expensive car bill… an unhappy/trapped cat.  I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get thru the rest of the week.  Friday can’t come soon enough.

I cannot wait to come home, spend time with friends, see the cats, and reconnect with myself .

New Laugh Lines.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

A quick entry to share a bit about my holiday’s thus far.

I spent Thanksgiving with a good friend.  We made a fabulous dinner…  drank fantastic wine, watched a few great movies….   All in all, a great holiday.  I do have new laugh lines around my eyes, and the ones around my mouth, much deeper….  I blame my girlfriend… 

I just returned home from visiting with old friends…. friends I “gave up” in the divorce.   Stupidest thing…   I thought my EX would need their support…. I was insecure/unsure how to handle the split.. Iit was easier for me to just let it go.    It was the fabulous A that encouraged me to reach out, and I’m glad that I did.  Its been years, but catching up this evening with some good, quality friends was one of the best things that happened to me this year.  I have made some very good friends in my lifetime, and I’m happy to say that I’ve reconnected with some top quality, good peeps.  I’m glad they have accepted me back into their lives…. I’m lucky to know such kind and understanding friends. 

I have a lot to be thankful for.  This Thanksgiving I’m thankful for good friends and family, and the friends and family that push me a bit out of my comfort zone to do be better, do better, live stronger.

Road Trip.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

I spent the weekend with family.  It was a busy but rewarding weekend.

The fabulous A’s came out, my niece and her daughter, and we drove a car to UT, the one she will  use to get herself to and from school.  Its a great beauty – an older truck that has been very well taken care of (thank you Dancing Queen) but has plenty of life left in her.  Her name – Ethel.  We loved Ethel, she is in the prime of her life.   I’ll post pictures of Ethel in a few days. 

We started our drive on Saturday morning, stopped off in Winemucca, NV (where “there is always something going on” according to the 100’s of billboards up to the Hills Have Eyes town) for a bite to eat, slept in Elko, NV, and finished our trip in Lehi, UT, which is where I’m now.  My flight from SLC to CA was cancelled this evening, I’m heading home to the cats tomorrow. 

I would normally be annoyed by the airlines not being able to get their act together, but not this time.  I feel relieved as now I am able to spend time with family.  My mom is taking caree of her a few of her grandkids – my youngest sisters kids. One of them is Bubba, a nephew that is near and dear to my heart. I fell in love with this little guy the minute I met him – named him Bubba myself.  Not because he looked like a fat man who played a part in Deliverance, but because he had the warmest spirit and biggest smile of any little boy I knew.  My heart melted, and Bubba has had a special place in my heart since.

Anyway, due to a family emergency, the boys are are here at Grandma’s.  And tonight, I’m the lucky one – I get to sleep with one of my favorite men of all time – Bubba.  I’m headed to bed soon, he is fast asleep…  so adorable!  I hear he snores and likes to kick….   who doesn’t?!??!

All in all, this is an experience I will remember.  Glad I did it. Puts a smile on my face just thinking about it.  And who doesn’t like a lady who smiles?

New Horizons.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

So, today is the last day of my vacation. Tomorrow, Sunday, I’m on my way home, begin work on Monday, and fall back into the basic routine of my everyday life.

But today is one of the most memorable for me.  I just completed a vacation where I got uninterrupted time with both my mother and my neice. 

I spent 3 days, 2 nights with my mother, who told me stories about she and my father, about their parents, and their grandparents.  It was fascinating to learn more about my parents NOT as parents, but as people; as children, teenagers, and young folks; to hear about their lives, growing up, and the history that has influenced who I am.  I will share some of these stories as I process them.

I also  spent 3  nights, 3 days with my niece, who I feel as close to as a daughter (I imagine).  We talked about anything and everything; her children (3 and 1, the darlingist little ladies in the world!!), our family, our relationship, our past, her future….   I am so incredibly proud of her.   You see, I had custody of her years ago, during her teenage years.  Unfortunately for all of us, we needed to place her in a girls school for  a year.  We chose a school in Hurricane, UT because of its program to counsel vs. punish…  Today, 5 years later, my neice and I went to the school, drove thu Hurricane, and relived that difficult time.   The experience feels both like it happened yesterday AND forever ago.

The reason that today was so special for me is because of how much my niece has matured and what a great person she has become.  I knew this day would come, I had confidence in her, I believed in her… and today, her plans for herself and her girls, proved to me that the difficult experience we had was all worth it.   Its hard to believe that the 2 year old I fell head over heals in love with is now 21, a mother of 2 very happy and healthy girls, and a  college student.  She amazes me.

I have a few pictures of us, with town of Hurricane, UT behind us (so fitting).  What I’ve shared here is a view of Hurricane without us as to not blow my cover.  BTW, the pictures of us turned out fabulously – we are absolutely gorgeous!!  🙂

On Vacation.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

I’m a bit slow to update my blog in general, but I’m even more slow now because I’m on vacation!  I’m in St. George Utah, a gorgeous, hidden gem of a place.  It’s still in Utah, so it is hard to get a cocktail around here, but its just so incredible here nature wise.  Take a look at the red rock views below…  and the weather is great – hot and dry. 

I’m working on my bikini-clad beach body tan, and 4 days into it, I still DO NOT have tan lines.  I’ve been careful not to burn myself by using SPF 8, but lordy, I would think my skin would be a bit more bronze given the amount of time of been out in the sun (about 8-10 hours).  Tomorrow, Friday is my last day to get some sun, so I may go without any sunscreen ….  we shall see.  Wish me luck – I’d like to go home witih dark skin and some deep tan lines.

Lastly, this place brings back a lot of memories, good and not so good.  I will share a few of these stories with you at a later date – when I have time and am ready to reminisce about a few of the hardest years of my life.

Found the Mouse.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

This is an update to a previous post, Mouse in Hiding. 

The mice were found by a GE repairman, named Willy, when he came to replace the washing machine control board. 

After I escorted Willy to the laundry room, I went to the dining room to get back to work.   I could hear his electric screwdriver taking out screws to the top and front panels.  I heard a few moving around noises,  then an “Ugghhh”, then a “Ms.”….. ” “Ms…?”  I went into the laundry room, and here is what I found:

It became instantly clear why a) the laundry room smelled so bad, b)  I couldn’t find the mouse, and c) the washing machine broke.  The mice had short circuited the master control panel of the washing machine.  They literally, had fried, were electricuted by the washer.  😦

I was mortified.  The only thing I could think to do is take a picture (the one you see here), take a video (which I cannot get working), and avoid eye contact with Willy.  I asked him if he had ever seen anything like this.  His response:   “No.  Never.”.    He took off the control board and replaced it with a new one. However,  the new one he brought with him was defective so he needed to put the original one back in.  He then asked me to do something I never thought I would ever have to do – He asked me to clean up the original control board. 

I had to scrape the mice off the control board, pick off all the fried hair and skin, then brush the board with a toothbush, gently, so I did not destroy the pieces and gadgets on the control board.  It was SO GROSS and it smelled really bad.  Really bad.  Really really bad.  It took me about 20 minutes to clean the control panel.  I worked in silence, both of us not knowing what to say to one another.   Willy finally said it was clean enough to put it back into the washer.  He took it from me,  re-installed the control panel, put the top and front panels back on, then gave me a bit of advice on how to work with GE to get the part (on backorder) and installed BEFORE the warranty expired.

This story goes on and on, dealing with GE’s customer service folks is a story all in of itself.   I will write about this later. There seem to be a lot of very bad Customer Service Reps out there.. but there are a few good ones.    I have stories of both.

Friends, Coons, and Cats.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

Hello friends.

Last week was just absolutely crazy.  There was something going on every single day/evening..  I usually keep to myself, would be considered a shut-in if I didn’t have to go to work everyday….

My dearest friend from Paris was in town with her boyfriend and his daughters.  I had so much fun with them, but boy my friend runs a tight ship.  She had the family doing something every day – it reminded me of my family trips way back when…   a story for another time.    They family left on Wednesday, heading for Southern California (where you can actually get in the water without a wetsuit) and good ol’ Las Vegas (you have to see it at least once!).

In addition, Zoey cut her foot really badly and had to go to the hopital on Monday.  I woke up on Monday with blood all over the bed, and it wasn’t from me. Zoey was curled up next to my head, which is unusual…  when I got out of bed I saw all the blood.  I checked her out, and sure enough, she had a deep gash/cut on the back of her bony little foot.  She was so sad, the vet said it was very painful and they had to put her down, give her some anesthesia to fix her up.  She was a bit out of it last week, but she is back to her funny furry self now.

We also had a ‘coon problem ’round these parts.   A mother and baby pair of raccoons settled themselves into my attic – which would be fine with me if they weren’t so mean and hated cats so much.  The bad news is the mom raccoon was trapped and euthenized, the good news is the baby raccoon is being domesticated by a friend of the trapper.  I’ve just received an update, the baby is being hand fed and is eating everything that he/she is given.  Next step is to ‘get cuddly’ with the raccoon…   I can’t wait to get another progress report.

Mouse in Hiding.

PaulasPonderings1 Comment

So last Monday was a tough one.  I had an 8am call, a 9am in the office meeting, and a 7am step-over-the-gift from the cats morning…  I thought almost stepping on a cleaned-up dead mouse was bad.. but that isn’t even close to what I’m experiencing now.

The mouse I mention in my last blog?  No, not the one the cats brought to me as a gift, the other one they brought around, alive, and chased around the house.  I never received the gift….  but after a few days, I know where it is.  It is dead, under the washer or dryer, rotting.  It’s been hot at home lately (I live in No. CA), so the smell has been horrific.  I do not have the strength to move the washer or dryer by myself (believe me I have tried).  The cats dont seem to notice… its killing me.

I’m going to have a friend over tomorrow to help me move the washer and dryer, find that dead, rotting mouse body, and toss it out.  I’ll be so relieved when “it” is gone.

Not Just Your Regular Monday.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

Today was a tough Monday.  I have a lot to do at work, and 2 fewer days to get it done in – I’m taking vacation this week to visit family in Utah.   Knowing I had a lot to do, I went to bed early on Sunday evening.  And I never would have expected the Monday that I had.

First,  the cats were up very early this morning.  They were running around, chasing something.  I wanted to sleep so I put my eye pillow on and ear plugs in my ears….  and when I woke up at 7am, this is what I almost killed myeslf to NOT smash into the carpet.  Yes, you see correctly, a dead mouse. Apparently its been licked clean and was delivered at the foot of my bed with pride. 

It’s obvious it was  a great gift if soley based on the efforts of the two furry creatures that brought such a treasure to me.  The cats were exhausted from all their efforts.. here they are, sleeping. They did not stir once while I was getting ready for work.  Not at all.  They usually get up, get a bite to eat, then like to say good-bye to me.  Nope, not this morning.  It was as if they were saying “take your present, now keep it down”.

I went off to work without so much as a kiss, a lick, a look.  😦   Work was work, I’m learing a lot.  Its starting too feel not so overwhelming.  But like I’ve stated numerous times, there is a lot of work.  I end up working a bit late and eating a bag of chips for dinner.  I got home, fed the cats, got into my jammies, and started working again.

Spider In the HallwayIts been about 30 minutes, and the cats have just come into the house with another ‘prize’.  Alive.  They are/were chasing it around the house…  the poor thing has hidden itself somewhere safely and they are stalking it…. waiting for it to feel safe enough to come out, then WHAM!  In addition to this nonsense, the spiders are coming out (Spring/Summer in CA). To your left is what I found in the hallway, on my way to bed.  Yes, that is a QUARTER under the spider.  The thing is enormous.  I do not believe in killing anything, so the damn thing is still in the hall.  I’ve closed the bedroom door…. fingers crossed that it stays where it is now and doesn’t travel any closer to me…

So with a day like today, I’m going to hit the sack, and wish for a better, less active, furry day.  I need to get a good nights sleep – I have a LOT of work to do/finish up tomorrow!!

The Cat Cave.

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

So, I’ve been far too busy with work AND most recently with alergies/sinuses.  All very unpleasant to talk about, so I’ve spent the last few weeks alone (because I’m not that intersting company these days).

Given this, I’ve enjoyed my “cave”. My cave is my entire home (since I don’t have to share).   We all know about this, the cave, the spot, the one place we can call our own, that we can be ourselves in.  Prior to my divorce, it was the guest room (otherwise known as the “red couch room”).  Now I have the whole house to myself.  🙂

The cats have also had the run of the house, but even though they are allowed in every room, I think they also want a place place they call home.  Its under a rose bush in the backyard.  They love hanging out there – it gives them privacy but also views of the “goings on” in the neighborhood.  

I noticed the cats love for this spot, as did a friend of mine.  Before his departure, he made sure that the cats would have room to rest in their “cat cave”…   I didn’t realize how nice it is FOR ME for the cats to have this space.. a place to call their own, a place I find them on a daily basis.  Attached is a picture of Zoey enjoying the shade of the roses on a warm summer day.

Work has been especially tough lately, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of how lucky I am that a) there is a safe spot for the cats to call their own, and b) that I have friend that made it all happen without me asking.  What a treasure.