Toxic Relationship

They Steal Whatever They Want – Part 2

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Ever walked into your home only to find it stripped of your cherished possessions?  Imagine the shock of realizing not only was your home violated, but every piece of my life within it was callously stolen by someone you once trusted and loved. That’s what happened to me, and the culprit? The Ex – Trash. 

Picture returning home after an eight-week absence (due to having to evict Trash from my very own home), accompanied by a constable and a police officer. As you approach your door, you notice the absence of your security measures—cameras, ring doorbell, and lock—all gone. Your heart is beating and you take a deep breath as you brace yourself for the gut-wrenching revelation awaiting beyond that door.

You swing it open, and chaos greets you. Furniture scattered, cherished belongings vanished. The once-beloved space now a haunting reminder of a love turned toxic. Questions echo in your mind: How did he breach this sanctuary? And why? The person you trusted, the one you believed shared your love and trust, has treated you and your belongings with a callous disregard.

The shock is palpable in the images I captured upon re-entering my violated home. It’s no longer a place fit for use or rental. Bookings had to be canceled, and I found myself at TJMaxx, hastily picking up sheets because he stole everything.

I’ve previously shared the heartbreak I felt when I discovered he had stolen all my artwork in “They Steal What You Love—Part 1.” so I won’t rehash this here. This post delves into the broader theft, meticulously documented and reported to the police: Furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, and short-term rental essentials—all pilfered. Every single item accounted for with receipts, each one a testament to a breach of trust. The total value of these stolen possessions, cataloged and documented, amounts to $12,690.

Scroll through the ‘Before’ and ‘After’ pictures to witness the stark transformation of my once-beloved home. The list is exhaustive, with just a glimpse provided below. And let it be known that the financial toll went beyond the initial acquisition—every item had to be repurchased to restore the home’s charm, a costly endeavor triggered by Trash’s greedy departure.

Stolen Items from Inside the Home

Items Trash took that did not belong to him, that he took without permission. Just like he did with Lola things.

Stolen Living Room TV and Rug

  • Last  but  certainly  not  least  is  all  home  supplies  like  extra  bedding, STR supplies such as laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, and backup supplies such as towels (regular and beach), silverware, glasses, etc..   
    • 6 x luggage racks Purchased on Amazon
    • 10 beach towels from BB&B, most of them were blue with various patterns. Thicker towels where both sides were the same (I like nice big beach towels)
    • 6 power strips with USB ports – two for every bedroom side table in the house 
    • Vacuum, broom, garbage cans, etc…
Stolen Bedding, Towels, & Supplies
Stolen Supplies, Towels, Bedding, etc.

Stolen Items from Outside the Home

He took more of my stuff than his— this follows suit with the outdoor items as well. When I purchased the home, it of course had zero backyard furniture.  I furnished the backyard to make it swanky and fun – a true entertainers backyard. Well, Trash decided he was welcome to all of it….   Here are a just a few of the items that he took:

  • Outdoor 4 Chair Patio Set with gas heated center table along with 4 sets of cafe lights in the backyard – $2,000+.  a place of relaxation and contemplation, removed from my outdoor sanctuary, along with all the outdoor lighting. Wonder how Nurse N’Poop feels having furniture at her house that Trash and I had sex on….

    • Purchased the patio set from a local store in Chandler Arizona. Store is now closed. Receipt is on my credit card statement.  Outdoor lighting came from Amazon.

Stolen Outdoor Furniture & Lights
Stolen Outdoor Furniture & Lights
  • Wifi enabled landscape timer: yes, he just ripped it right off the wall.. I’m sure you can find this at Nurse N’Poops house too. He purchased it on his Amazon account but used MY Credit Card to pay for it. So I’m sure he’s off showing everyone how he purchased it. Ask him what credit card he used to pay for it. Yep. Mine. B-hyve Smart Indoor/Outdoor Irrigation Controller.

Cost of Repairs

Not only did he steal material items, he damaged my home. He managed to break through the locked door between the garage and laundry room.  While squatting, he also stole:

  • the ring doorbell,
  • the front door Yale lock, and
  • a bunch of Arlo security cameras. 

Not inexpensive items to replace.  This on top of the over $1000 I paid a locksmith to have all the locks replaced twice (before he broke into Chandler and after he was evicted)…  

1*Kzj90BKRILp2VoAnduYAmQ

 

Lessons Learned

I of course was shocked when I re-entered the house.  The disarray of the home, all my items missing, all his items stacked up randomly all over the house…  Again, you can see the pictures I took of the home when I re-entered here.   

As it stands, his new girlfriend’s residence is adorned with a collection of items pilfered from his two ex’s (Me and Lola). The audacity he exhibits in helping himself to others’ belongings is nothing short of criminal. It’s a disconcerting display of entitlement, reminiscent of someone who hoards trophies from their misdeeds (like rapists and serial killers). The unsettling truth is, he seems to enjoy causing harm and suffering.

While the scars of betrayal remain, this journey has also fortified my resolve to navigate future relationships with caution and resilience:

  • I will never put any bills in a significant others name; in Arizona, this could be considered as them “living” at the home, which would require you to go through the eviction process to remove your ex from your property.
  • I will never let my day job become so overwhelming that I “hand over” any home or business tasks to my partner. I will hire someone as an employee.
  • I will never again share financial information with a partner; he will never have access to my bank accounts, credit cards, etc..

At this point, I may never live with someone else again. The idea of being together apart, where both partners have their own spaces, may become my new norm. It’s unconventional, but after this costly experience, it might be the way I move forward in future relationships.

MX Order of Possession Update

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Guess what dear readers?

I’m back with an incredible tale that delves into the timeless battle of good versus evil—a story where the hallowed halls of justice witnessed the unmasking of truth, and the courts delivered a verdict that resonates with justice.

Today’s update takes us deep into the heart of a legal saga, the Order of Possession case I waged with the Mexican courts. Quick summary of the case:

Continue reading for the update.

June 2023

In June 2023 the Puerto Penasco courts deliver a resounding victory in my favor. Not only did justice prevail, but the court deemed my case so airtight that it came with a penalty:

  • a fine of $10,000 Pesos (equivalent to $586.42 USD as of Feb 2024) for Trash.
  • an additional fine and jail time if he should he dare approach or harm my cherished property.

Yet, the saga continued as Trash, true to form, appealed the decision. The legal battle escalated to the higher court in Caborca, prolonging the ordeal. The court took 6 months to make a decision.

The appeal process is simple – when Trash filed the appeal, all of the documentation (testimony, financial statements, etc.) were sent to the higher court to review the lower courts decision. Myself, Trash, and the witnesses did not need to appear. The higher court reviews the lower courts decision and all the accompanying documentation and will decide in one of the following ways:

  • Uphold the prior decision
  • Partially modify the prior decision
  • Overturn the prior decision

December 2023

In December 2023, 6 months after the appeal, the higher court made a decision. The higher court echoed the verdict of the lower courts, upholding my possession 100%. The email confirming this was almost poetic:

Trash chose not to appeal the second court’s decision, making the victory final. I now hold legal, undisputed possession of my condo, and the sanctions against Trash are not just on paper—they are recorded with two courts.

So this Chapter is over and my beachfront condo has been secured, recorded with the courts, AND with the Condo Association:

  • Trash has been removed from all HOA systems so he can no longer stalk me. He no longer has access to my bookings/reservations, no longer knows when friends are visiting, etc..
  • Security is now aware that he has ZERO reason to be near the B building. The police will be called if he comes anywhere near my building.

How it Feels

How do I feel? Happy, relieved, and vindicated. I’m sure he is still out there telling anyone who will listen that I “stole” the condo from him, but nothing could be further from the truth. The truth is, he tried to steal something from me that wasn’t his and the courts agree with me.

I am also proud of myself – I stood up for myself and my assets. I am lucky to be in a position to protect myself. If he was a good man, he would have signed the paperwork to remove himself from the unit when we broke up, but no. He is a conman, a parasite – sucks the energy out of everything he comes in contact with. I’m glad its over and I’m so ready to move on from this nightmare.

So this chapter is done, complete. Story isn’t over … but close. For now, I am happy with the results in Mexico.

Lessons Learned

What have I learned from all of this? That there are garbage men out there who will lie, cheat, and steal from the people they profess to love. Don’t do what I did, protect yourself and DO NOT mingle finances.

I’d love to hear from you – please share your victory stories. It would be great and know that others out there have also defeated their ex’s in court.

The End.

For those interested, Mexico civil courts are different (and I think simpler) than US civil courts. Basically, The civil code in Mexico exists at three levels: City, State, Federal. So the Local courts make a decision. The decision can be appealed to the State, then at the Federal level. Everything takes time (but less time than in the states). In my case:

  • City/local/district courts can take 2-3 months to make a decision. In my case, the Puerto Penasco courts took 2 months to make a decision.
  • State level courts can take 2-6 months to make a decision. In my case, the Caborca courts took 6 months to make a decision. No new evidence was admissible, no court appearance was required. Oral closing arguments are allowed, which is why the lawyers where required.
  • Federal level courts can take 18 months to 3 years to make a decision.

The End (again).

2013 – 2018: Betsy

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I do not know Betsy. I have not meet her. I have her contact information but I have not reached out to her as I do not want to re-traumatize her.

Betsy is a beautiful single mother of 3 kids, 2 daughters and 1 son. She is a slender brunette with beautiful brown eyes. Her kids are all grown up now and are beautiful as well. Based on the family photos she has on Facebook, they seem to be a close-knit family.

I’m guessing Betsy and Trash met in 2013. I assume they met through the dating apps. They started living together in 2014 according to The Ex-Wife and court documents. Yes, Trash was still very married to his now Ex-Wife and had 3 kids at home (he filed for divorce in 2016. Divorce was final in January of 2018).

Here is what Trash told me about Betsy:

  • She is/was a manager at a large retail store, had a good job and was well respected.
  • She doesn’t keep house; he had to pay for a cleaner in order to stay/live at her house.
  • She was insecure and had issues with trust.
  • She was obsessed with him and started stalking him when they broke up.
  • She let her kids disrespect him.

One story he shared with me was when I was living with him (2022) and we were visiting a new-to-me neighborhood in Rocky Point Mexico. As we were driving and walking around, he shared the following story with me: He said that he had stayed a long weekend with Betsy at this location and they fought a lot while on that trip because she was insecure. I asked him if he had cheated on her, he was adamant he didn’t. He did say that he was on a break from Lola and JustineB when he hooked up with Betsy. Then he went back to one of these girls (not sure who). Betsy was upset about him not wanting to be with her that she began stalking him.

I had NEVER heard of anything like this. Clearly I lived a sheltered, drama free life because this was so shocking to me. A) who does this – breaks up and gets back together with people, and B) who gets back together with an ex?!!?!

So what now makes a lot more sense and is backed up by documentation:

  • He was with Betsy. Betsy thought they were in an exclusive relationship.
  • He “Broke up”(in his mind) with Betsy to be with Lola and/or JustineB. I doubt Betsy thought they were broken up.
  • Then he “broke up” with Lola and/or JustineB to be with Betsy for this weekend. I’m sure that Trash said things to indicate they were getting back together. My guess is after this weekend, Betsy found out about the other two ladies, and broke up with Trash for good.

Basically, he was with Betsy and was seeing Lola and JustineB at the same time (triangulation). In speaking with Lola, he would go back and forth between the ladies. Given this, I think the truth is, that Betsy was NOT aware of his activities with other ladies, and when she found out, she kicked him out sometime in 2017. He harassed and threatened to the point she was able to successfully get an Order of Protection (OOP) against him.

I know this because I found a second OOP in 2018 that stated she had an OOP in 2017. How did I get this document? When I evicted Trash from my home in 2022, he didn’t take his stuff (he took mine). Since he didn’t pick it up, it was mine to dispose of as I saw fit. My lawyer told me the court would look favorably upon me if I went through his stuff and returned “sentimental items“. So yes, not only was I heartbroken, in shock, but I was being told I needed to go through all of Trash’s shit and determine what was sentimental to him and save it so I could return it.

What did I find? I found several documents that made my skin crawl. Why? Because I discovered what he was doing to me he had done the same thing to someone else (Pattern of Behavior). It was all new to me – having to use the court to remove someone from your property, file for an Order of Protection to protect myself. But clearly this was old school for Trash – he had done the same thing to other people… one of those people: Betsy.

So, in 2017 Betsy found out that Trash was cheating on her with multiple people while she thought they were in an exclusive relationship. She broke up with him. He harassed and threatened her. She filed and was granted an Order of Protection (OOP) in 2017.

In 2018, Trash reaches out to her just before the 2017 OOP expires, acting like nothing was wrong and then threatens her and her kids when she won’t talk to him or do what he requests. She files for and is granted another OOP.

Sept. 2018: Trash Vs. Betsy – Order of Protection (2nd one)

  • Sept 2017 – Betsy files and is granted an Order of Protection (OOP) against Trash.
  • Aug 2018 – a year later, Trash reaches out to Betsy. She states she filed and was granted an OOP in Sept 2017. She details out that he contacts her, threatens her, and disparages her name on his FB groups. Here is Betsy’s OOP, which was granted:

So what does Trash do? He files Injunction against Harassment against her AFTER she files the 2nd OOP. HE USES THE COURT SYSTEM TO HARASS a woman who clearly wants nothing to do with him. Check out the dates and his state of mind – HE portrays himself as the victim:

So basically, he uses the court system (by filing an Injunction against harassment (IAH)) and social media to retaliate against someone that just wants to be left alone. He takes it a step further and instigates his flying monkeys to further harass her.

I was in shock reading these documents. At the time I found these documents, Trash was doing the very same thing to me! I was back in Arizona after the eviction was upheld and had just filed for my own OOP against him when I learned that he filed an OOP while I was in Mexico, painting himself as the victim, and trying to get “exclusive access” to MY home (in an attempt to mute the eviction). I had no idea how to navigate the system, and clearly he knew all too well how to use the justice system to further hurt his victims. What he was doing to me was EXACTLY what he had done to Betsy years earlier. My heart broke for Betsy.

I do want to reach out to her. Let her know that she is not alone, that she just ran into a monster who actively deceived her. But it’s been 6 years since her experience, I’m sure she has moved on from this part of her life. Hopefully she is living her best life, thanking God she didn’t end up with a monster like him.

What we do know is that he has a pattern of behavior:

  • he will lie and manipulate women to get what he wants
  • he will use the system to try and further hurt his victims
  • he will disparage his victims on social media and insight flying monkeys to also harass and intimidate his victims
  • He will NOT take accountability for any of his behaviors or actions
  • he is violent and safety needs to be a top priority for anyone around him

So while I was still in shock (Oct. 2022) with everything going on in my life, It did help me understand that I was dealing with someone who has done what he did to me to at least one other person; that he was experienced with the system and understood how to manipulate it to get what he wants. I knew after reading these documents, that I needed to educate myself quickly. I also was re-traumatized about the break-ins.. made me realize that I was in far more danger that I even knew. Thank God guns are not allowed in Mexico.

Reflections

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Narcissists are the most evil human beings on the planet. They do not care about anything or anyone but themselves. They typically live double lives, one with you, and the other full of over-indulging in their vices – sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.. The nex, Tiny Trash, had a double life – To me, he portrayed a man in a committed, loving relationship, full of promise, a future that included travel, early retirement, and marriage….. what I discovered after The Discard is that none of this was real – he was living a double life and was NOT the person he presented to me.

As I write this – a year after we left Mexico to move out of Utah and permanently to Mexico, 10 Months after Discovery Day – August 24th 2022. So much has come out about his double life. It’s still shocks me that any human being is capable of such deceit. I was naive – I had NO IDEA monsters like him existed. Even though HE cheated on me, was sleeping with his Ex, AND had another girlfriend, he became unhinged when I broke up with him:

The list goes on and on… I still can’t make sense of it, but I don’t think us normal human beings can ever make sense of someone who behaves and treats people in such a cold, callous, and calculated way.

1 year of chaos. 10 months of insanity. What a roller coaster.

I’m moving forward now. No clear picture what the future looks like for me, I’m still taking life one day at a time. I am not all healed up, I still have a long way to go. But I know, for a fact, that I would NOT be this far along if it were not for my friends, especially Justine, Nadine, and Mary in Mexico. They picked me up off the floor on an daily basis in the early months:

  • Justine: for the guidance and constant pushes to protect myself and the condo in Mexico. I now have legal possession of MY condo in Mexico. I would NOT have this if it was wasn’t for Justine. She helped me navigate MX processes (who knew that the CFE (electric company) is the MOST IMPORTANT account you could have?).. So many other ways she supported me, all while dealing with Trash and his constant retaliation and harassment against her and her husband.
  • Nadine: who introduced me to the US legal system as well as narcissism. Her daily reminders to get a lawyer and protect myself. Which I did – the US civil suit was filed in December 2022. Coming to my condo with love, support, and food when I couldn’t get out of bed. Hugs from Nadine are the best.
  • Mary: who was the shoulder I cried on countless times. She was the safe place for me to be raw and vulnerable. I cried a lot… I was in shock, so numb… Mary helped me get out of the fog and helped me to start feeling my feelings again. She helped me see that I was being too nice, and that getting angry, really angry is a good thing.

I am where I am today because of these ladies. I am forever grateful for their love, support, and guidance. It truly took a team to keep me moving forward in the early days.

In honor of them, I have created a new page dedicated to helping others through their recovery: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse . I don’t want anyone to feel alone or have to navigate the aftermath of such betrayal on their own.

So whats next? Legally I have to protect myself and get back what is rightfully mine. So I have two lawyers helping me navigate the legal system:

  • Mark Tucker for the USA Civil Suit I filed against Tiny Trash for fraud and deception.
  • Rogelio Freaner in Mexico re: the Order of Possession for condo that I paid 100% for.

For now, my next step is to compartmentalize my life: Work, Lawsuits, and Healing.

  • Work: Focus on work so I have a paycheck to pay for lawyers.
  • Lawsuits: I have so much to do wrt the US Civil suit, so much documentation and evidence needed… I will be sharing more about these suits with you in future posts.
  • Healing: I’m focusing on learning to trust myself again. I didn’t see this whole thing coming. I thought things were good… I’m trying to figure out why my intuition didn’t scream at me when I needed her most. Send any/all recommended readings my way…

Stay safe and aware out there.

How I Became the Ex (the Brutal Discard)

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This is where the nightmare begins..

I met a sociopath who will now be forever known as Trash while on vacation in Puerto Penasco/Rocky Point Mexico in April of 2021. We hit it off. We started seeing each other long distance — two weeks on, two weeks off. Every two weeks we would see each other either in my home in Salt Lake City (SLC) Utah, or at his condo in Puerto Penasco. We did this from May to December 2021.

In August/September timeframe, things were going so well, we talked about selling one of my rental properties and purchasing a property closer to Mexico (reduce travel)…  So in September, I sold a rental property (“the Duplex”) and purchased a nice home in Chandler Arizona via a 1031 Exchange. I would use it mostly as an airBnB, but planned to also use it personally — to be closer to Trash and Mexico, reduce some of the travel time.

After this purchase, Trash asked me to move in with him in Mexico. I had a job where this was possible (remote work is the best!)… and I was thrilled things were going so well between us.

So in November, I started the process of turning my beloved SLC house into a short-term rental (STR). I chose to go with Evolve.com as my marketing and scheduling service and hired a property manager.

In December 2021, I packed up my RV and drove down to Puerto Penasco with my two cats Sophie and Zoey. We arrived on Dec. 23rd 2021, the day before Trash’s birthday.

We lived together in his house in Mexico… when we needed to go to the United States, we would stay at the Chandler house. Usually only a few days in-between rentals. It was a nice life. The only challenge at the time is that his 13 year old teen son was living with us.. It was a tough time for Trash and his son…. but because I had been through a similar situation with my niece, I felt that I was the perfect person for him, I understood the challenges and could be there for him.

His son left May 25th 2022.  A few days later, we went to “our” restaurant and had our 90 day review (more on this later)…  We agreed that things had been tough (having his son living with us was VERY challenging – he ran away, in MX, 4 times!!)..  Even with the challenges, we decided we wanted to continue forward and be together.  WE decided that we would not be spending time in SLC for the summer as we had originally anticipated.  So together, WE made the decision to sell my SLC house.  It took about a week to get it listed, and within 48 hours I had two over-asking offers. I accepted one… and WE made the plan to spend 8 weeks packing my shit up and move it to Mexico, where we would live full-time. We left Mexico in his truck, with all the pets, and headed North. We stopped in Kanab, UT for the week of June 20th to fix some things at one of my other rental properties.

Again, we were supposed to be together for the entire 8 weeks. But while in Kanab, he said he just got a big project in MX and that he needed to return to MX to get started.  I support him and his work, I had no reason to believe this was not the truth.  So we made the decision to divide and conquer  — on June 25th, He drove back to MX by himself and I rented a car and drove myself and all the pets to SLC to begin packing/moving.

Throughout June, July, and August we were still talking, texting.  We put a plan in place for him to come back out the end of July and help me move. Originally I thought he was going to drive with me from SLC to Mexico, but no.. he said another big project came up. He left SLC on August. 2nd. It was not a great visit — he was purposely picking fights about stupid stuff. …. BUT we were still have sexy time, he bought a car for me to drive while in MX (Audi Q7 — future story), he took $2800 from me for the MX house kitchen remodel (future story).

We were to reunite on Aug. 17th 2022 in Chandler AZ. He had made plans for us to go to the baseball game with his sons…. I had taken time off of work for it.. Sometime around August 10th-14th he told me the plan was no longer in place, that he had a lot of work to do. He would be up in Arizona after the weekend on August 23rd.  I was crushed.. Here I had been packing up and moving to be with him, and I felt like I was the only one making “us” a priority.  My best friend flew out from Reno to help me unpack and deal with this very uncertain time.

So Trash finally shows up on Aug. 23rd 2022. He walks into the house, take a call with CPS (his child had been removed from the home and was now under AZ state care – see Gabe’s story here).  We did couple things:  we cleaned out the garage, unloaded my stuff from the trailer, etc..). you know, together stuff. We talked while I made dinner…. He asked to see my phone while I was making dinner… I let him. He’s my boyfriend, I trusted him, he can see whatever he wants on my phone. Well, while he had my phone, he transferred my phone line to his Verizon plan. I did not authorize this…. and this did come to bite me in the arse. I was able to remedy the situation: How I Got My Phone Number Back from My Ex.

Anyway, on this very night, as I was cleaning the dishes and I thought getting ready for bed, out of the blue he tells me that he is going to spend the night on his ex-wife’s couch because his “son needed him”. I called bullshit on this … I asked him what was going on, to be honest with me.  He reiterated his son needed him.  All other times his son needed him, the son(s) came to the house.  I asked why his son didn’t just come to the house.  He said his son wasn’t comfortable at the house.  This was strange to me as his kids just spent time at the house in July (story coming soon).  He left.  He called me from the car and reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.

Of course I cried.  I was so sad!  But my gut told me that something was not  right. I didn’t know what was going on… . I spend the night doing some digging, and a lot was not as he said. I caught him in lie after lie …. he still wouldn’t admit it, even when I had factual evidence/proof.

What did I find out?

  • That he didn’t borrow a friends car
  • That he didn’t have any projects in Mexico the entire summer
  • The entire time I was out of town he was telling everyone that we had broken up and was flaunting a new girl all over town. He met this “just a friend” on June 10th at a concert that I WAS AT WITH HIM, 10 days before we left for our 8 week “move” from SLC to Mexico.
  • He blocked off the Chandler house all of July and was hosting singles parties at the house.
  • He had a new girlfriend and was now living with her.

Trash had been living a double life — With me, on the phone, we were very much together — I was receiving texts, calls, etc about his work activities and how excited he was for my return.. In Mexico he was living a new life with his new girlfriend Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short).   It was beyond heartbreaking to learn of all this after everything I had just done — changed my life to be with this man, only to learn I had literally been replaced while I was away.  I no longer had a “home”.  I didn’t know a soul in Arizona.  I was truly shocked and had never felt such betrayal before.  Finding out the truth is hard, learning everything was a lie is gut-wrenching.

betrayal memes | Betrayal quotes, Family betrayal quotes, Quotes about strength and love

Everyday since Aug. 25th I have awakened to some threat or action on his part to hurt, harass, stalk, and destroy me. I will tell each story, as they unfolded chronologically and with evidence.

If anyone else has been through this, I welcome words of wisdom or references…. not just for myself, but for others that may also be going through this.

The Eviction Process

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Evicting an Ex from your property is not easy.

All of this started August 24th 2022.

When I confirmed Trash’s lies, I cut him off. He was living with his new girlfriend, Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short) in Gilbert. He met her on June 10th at a concert. He started seeing her BEFORE we left Mexico on June 20th. He spend all summer with her, had her stay at MY HOUSE in Chandler while I was moving from SLC to live with him.  Details are in my first post here:  How I Became the Ex.

I told him I wanted no contact. I blocked him from social media, email, messaging, etc. I told him to leave me alone — to not speak to me or or come near me again. There was nothing to discuss, period.

I own a home in Chandler. I purchased it originally as a short term rental in October of 2021. But now that I no longer have my primary residence in SLC (sold in July 2022), and obviously I was NOT going to be living with Trash in Mexico…. I had no other choice but to make the Chandler house my primary residence.

Anyway, as I stated above, I told Trash to NOT come by the house. He did NOT listen.  He decided it was his house too (after all, he hung up lights and worked on the property so it was as much his as it was mine). Because of this, he felt that he could walk into the home whenever he wanted to.  He did this 3 times.  I was not going to be terrorized by this lying, cheating coward. On Sept. 6th 2022,  I hired a locksmith and paid $536 to have all the locks replaced, the ring doorbell and front door lock replaced, and the garage code changed.

eviction process - locksmith receipt

But he somehow he still got in (I know now that he had a garage clicker that let him in the garage, then he broke down the door between the garage and the house.) He mocked me on WhatsApp.  You can see the WhatsApp conversation in the story Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1.  Basically he told me that:

  • he was in the home
  • that he wasn’t going to leave until I came home and we talked
  • that I couldn’t kick him out because he had a lease

I called the police to have him arrested for trespassing. When the police came to the house he wasn’t there. The police called him…. he said he was living there, that his furniture was there, and that the electric bill was in his name so he had every right to be at the house.  The police told me that there was nothing they could do at this time, and the only way to get rid of an Ex that won’t go away is to go through the eviction process and file an order of protection. Chandler Police report (# redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify) filed on Sept. 7th 2022.

So that is exactly what I did. I hired a lawyer on Sept. 8th 2022.  Given that Trash had brought up the lease as a reason to stay, the strategy was to use his reasoning/logic against him.  If he had a lease, then he owed rent, and he could be evicted based on the non-payment of rent. It took almost 6 weeks to get this done.  Here are the dates:

  • Sept 8th 2022: I began the eviction process. First Trash had to be served, then once served, he was given a 10 day grace period to respond.
  • Sept 29th 2022: First court hearing was scheduled for this date. Trash appealed and a hearing date was set for the following week, Oct. 6th 2022.
  • Oct 6th 2022: The judge decided in my favor — the house is mine, the lease was legally binding — Trash was to pay up if he wanted to stay.  Trash chose not to pay. Legally he had 5 days to get his things out of the house.   He only took a few of his things and stole all of my things (They Steal What You Love — Part 1 & Part 2 coming soon) .
  • Monday Oct. 17th 2022: The day the writ was served at the house. I met the constable and locksmith at the house. Notices were hung. Locks were changed. And that is the end of that.
  • December 14th 2022: Final disposition recorded – Trash’s appeal was denied.  Judgement for $11,053.00 recorded and finalized.  Let the garnishment begin!

Trash is no longer allowed at or near the property. If he shows up for any reason, he will be arrested for Trespassing. You can read more about the process here: https://justicecourts.maricopa.gov/case-types/evictions.

Another advantage of hiring a lawyer is that I am now able to go no-contact with Trash. Meaning any/all contact Trash wants to have with me must go through my lawyer. My lawyer is a godsend and I am forever grateful to him for his support through all of this.

Now the eviction and writ only protects the house, and me WHEN I’m in the house.  By this time, he had:

It was now time to protect myself from this person. So on Oct. 18th I began the process of getting an order of protection against him — He of course contested it. So the court date for this hearing is this week, Thursday Oct. 27th. Once I am granted the order of protection, he has to stay away from me — ZERO CONTACT — for two years. If he defies this order, he will go to jail.

This sociopath narcissist  — who cheated on me, lied to me, stole from me, who has been told dozens of times to not contact me, will just not stop…. Makes zero sense to me.

I’m learning so much through this process, here are a few lessons from today’s story:

  1. Don’t date a narcissistic sociopath.
  2. Always always always arm yourself with cameras — ring doorbell, cameras (Arlo, Blink, whatever). They can be used as evidence in court.
  3. Always get a police report for every incident — you will need proof that you are trying to protect yourself. Otherwise it is his word against yours.
  4. No matter how much you love someone, do NOT, under any circumstances, let them move their furniture in or put any utility bill in their name. Better yet, never cohabitate with anyone — if they are a narcissist — they know the system and will make it extremely difficult to rid yourself of them.

I met the ex girlfriend —  she is absolutely lovely

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

What I learned — and how it is helping me heal.

So how did it happen? I reached out to her.

Why would I do such a thing? Let me tell you.

So after Trash was evicted (story here), AZ law gives him 14 days to “make reasonable effort” to make arrangements to get his things. He had 14 days from the day after the writ was served — 10/17/22. So October 31st was his last day to make contact. He never contacted my AZ attorney, so I got the green light from my Lawyer to get rid of the stuff he left behind.

While I was making arrangements, a friend told me that the furniture Trash had convinced me to put in the house was actually not his; he had stolen it from his ex-girlfriend, Lola. I was mortified. Upon learning this, I reached out to Lola — shared with her what was going on, and let her know that I wanted to return her things to her. She responded, and we agreed to meet at my house.

To say I was nervous is an understatement. I had so much anxiety about it I took a Xanax. Trash had told me so many horrible things about her — how she wanted him back, she was stalking him, she was sending nude photos of herself to him when we were together. He said it was so bad he had to block her.

Well, as you all can guess, none of this was true. The truth is:

  • He never blocked her; they have always been in communication and continued a sexual relationship the entire time I was with him
  • She was not stalking Trash; Trash was stringing her along; breadcrumbing her. He told her that I was just a “business transaction” and alluded that they would get back together as soon as he was “done” with me
  • Yes she sent pictures to him, of her in her swimsuit (she has great boobs).. because she thought they were getting back together
  • She is a lovely woman who also had her heart broken by this monster

So the truth is, while Trash and I were doing the two-week on, two-week off time between May and December of 2021, He was stringing her along. I saw all the texts. She continued to ask him if he had a girlfriend … he insists that he was single — The very same thing he did to me after I arrived in Chandler, when questioning him about Nurse Nincompoop (aka NN), his new supply/girlfriend. I went from feeling scared to feeling compassion and empathy for Lola. She has been through so much, she is still hurting, just like me, for being so actively deceived. She has been traumatized. AND she still agreed to meet with me.

I also found out that in the early morning hours of January 8, 2022, mere weeks after I arrived in Mexico to live with him (Dec. 23rd 2021), she had made arrangements to pick up her things from Trash’s MX Mirador townhouse. She showed up early to avoid seeing him. Like 6 am early. She got up early to get her stuff before going fishing. Trash showed up and attacked her — pressured her to have sex with him.  So while I am laying in his bed, in the MX Costa Diamante house that we now called home, he got up early to harass, intimidate, and attack Lola. She showed me pictures of her bruises and the text exchange between them. He’s a disgusting human being for treating anyone like this.

Anywhoo, she came over to my house. We identified the furniture that was hers. She does not have a place to store it, so we agreed I would list it for sale and give her the money. Of course the sold price is a fraction of what she originally paid for it….. but at least it’s something. It breaks my heart to know how devastated she must have felt when she found out he stole a house full of her furniture and put it in his new girlfriends house.

She didn’t/doesn’t blame me. She treated me with nothing but kindness. Extreme kindness. She knows that I do not know anyone in Chandler, so she invited me to have Thanksgiving dinner with her. How NICE is that? But wait, there is more. She told her friends about me, and her friends reached out to me and we all met up. I now have 3 girlfriends in Chandler — the ex Lola, and her two besties Bambi and Vexatious.

So who would have thunk it, that reaching out to do the right thing would lead to new friendships.

What I’ve learned:

  • Trash was not truthful with me. Nothing that comes out of his mouth was or is true — I have receipts for everything. He continues to state untruths but has zero receipts. as my AZ attorney says, “if his lips are moving, he is lying”.
  • Trash is not a genuine person. He never cared for me — everything he presented about himself to me was a facade. He was a fake, a fraud.

When I’m ready to date again, I’m going to do things differently:

  • I will ALWAYS do a background check on the potential mate. The cost is well worth it. I purchased a truthfinder.com on Trash and the results were shocking. 4 evictions, email addresses associated to sex websites, multiple altercations with the law, etc. Crazy shit. Had I seen this report sooner, I would never have dated him.
  • I no longer believe in “crazy ex’s”. I will ALWAYS request to speak with the ex. If he is a good man and treated his lady with respect, then this should not be an issue. I know that my ex prior to Trash would happily talk to a potential partner on my behalf.

I do hope someday that karma does pay Trash a visit. For now, I will keep moving forward to heal my heart. Knowing that I never meant anything to him really hurts. But it is also helping me heal — the person that Trash presented to me never existed, the relationship I thought we had was never real.

I am forever grateful to Lola for agreeing to meet with me, for being so kind to me, and bringing the receipts I need to validate what was truly going on during our relationship.

Ending Narcissistic Abuse Using The Court System

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

Narcs will do just about anything to stay in contact. Best solution is to go no-contact and move on.

I asked him to never contact me again. I blocked him on every platform (WhatsApp, Text message, Email, Facebook, Snapchat, etc). Instead of just moving on with his life with his new girlfriend Nurse Nincompoop (aka Nurse N’Poop), He:

I’ve never had to work with the police before so everything is so new to me. I’m lucky I have an amazing Arizona attorney helping me through the process.

What I’ve learned:

  • Narcissists will never take accountability for their actions. It’s always someone else’s fault.
  • When dealing with an aggressive Sociopathic Narcissist, hire a lawyer immediately — this may very well save your life.
  • Always always always go no contact. Nothing they have to say is true or warrants any of your attention — as my lawyer says, “If his lips are moving, he is lying”..

Please take care of yourself out there. I had no idea these kinds of people existed.. I’m learning the hard way. Educate yourself on narcissism and their behaviors…. it will help you spot one earlier in the dating cycle and could save your life and your sanity.

Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

The first break-in: Chandler AZ house — Sept. 7 2022

Police at my house in Chandler AZ on Sept. 7th 2022

Trash and I broke up on August 24th when I found out he was living with his new girlfriend (How I Became the Ex ).  I had no idea that this was not going to be a “normal breakup”.

As you all know, I told Trash to never contact me again. I could not go no contact at this time because we needed to work through getting his stuff out of my house and the Mexico condo he is trying to steal from me (Do NOT mingle finances with anyone. You will regret it).

I told him to stay away from me. That I wanted NOTHING to do with him. He didn’t listen. He kept coming to the Chandler AZ house and letting himself in. I was not going to live in fear.

So while I was in Mexico over Labor Day weekend (early September 2022) collecting my things from the house we shared in Mexico (Costa Diamante, Puerto Penasco), I hired a locksmith to change all the locks in Chandler AZ.  Sept. 6th 2022 they showed up and changed all the locks.  All I wanted to do was come home and prepare for my trip to Italy. I thought that if I did this, then I would be safe — I could return home, lock myself in, and not have him barging in unannounced. I could not have been more wrong about the situation.

One of the very few times I reached out to Trash first was this exchange — I just wanted him to know where to find his dog Baxter (story for another time). Instead of taking responsibility for his dog, he broke into my house — This is WhatsApp exchange with Trash on Sept. 7th 2022 — Trash is the left side / grey, I am the right side / green:

To say I felt terrorized and violated is an understatement. I was shaking with fear, with anger…. He broke into my house and was squatting there. God only knows why. I called the Chandler police to have him arrested for trespassing (Chandler Police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). He told the police he had a lease. Officer Swansen called me back and told me my only recourse was to evict him. So I did: The Eviction Process .

After a 6 week adventure through the court system, I was able to evict him. I was finally able to get back into my house on Oct. 17th 2022. He had indeed gotten in via the garage then broke through the door between the garage and house.

The break-in, the eviction judgement, and this WhatsApp exchange is part of the evidence that my Order of Protection was granted/upheld: Order of Protection Was Upheld .

This person, who had been cheating on me since BEFORE we left Mexico (and I’ve learned that he was cheating the entire duration of our relationship), and who was now living with the new girlfriend, was unhinged. I knew the violence he capable of — for months I had listened to him beat and tased his son mercilessly. I knew his rage, and I knew he was capable of causing great harm.

Learning that the Chandler police would/could do nothing…. My heart was racing, I did not know what to do…. I knew I was not safe in the USA. I cried, I got mad at myself for being such a fool, for being so naive…. Then I drank some wine and made some decisions:

  • I needed to stay in Mexico with my friends. I had zero friends in Chandler/Phoenix. And the police could do nothing to protect me.
  • I cancelled my trip to Italy and visit with my parents (I was scheduled to leave Sept. 11th 2022).
  • I began searching for attorneys in the Chandler/Phoenix area. The one I found told me I was in danger and advised strongly that I not come back to the USA for any reason.

Thank god, at this point, from a work perspective, I had two weeks scheduled vacation. This gave me time to deal with this. I thought that two weeks was enough time. I was so very wrong.

I was terrified. I had no idea what could or would happen. I have NEVER felt more unsafe and alone in my life. Ever. But it was about to get much worse as my no contact would enrage him so much that a week later he drove down to Mexico and broke into my condo: Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #2 .

I have no lessons learned on this one. Just be careful out there.

Order of Protection Was Upheld

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

Stopping narcissistic abuse/retaliation is hard work.

OrderofProtection

So Trash appealed the order of protection. The court hearing was yesterday, Nov. 9th. The judge heard the case and upheld the order of protection. This means two things:

  1. Trash is required by law to have no-contact  with me— this means no calls, no texts, no email, not to reach out on any social media accounts, and finally, to NOT be anywhere near me for the next two years. This is a win for me as I can stop living in fear that I will run into him because he is stalking me.
  2. That I brought the right evidence to court and was able to prove all of my claims:

order of protection - update due to settlement

During the hearing, the judge warned Trash that whatever he said during this hearing could be used against him in the pending criminal and civil cases. Trash decided to testify anyway…. Trash lied in court, directly to the judge…. The judge called him out on it many times, he was not amused by any of Trash’s antics.  I will be receiving a recording and a paper transcript of the hearing and using his words against him in the other criminal/civil matters.

Because he appealed the original Order of Protection, and we were forced to have this hearing, he is now required to pay court costs and attorneys fees, which is $3,932.50. Ha!

What I learned during this process:

  • Always keep records (dates, times, etc) of harassment and theft. Excellent record keeping will give you a lot of credibility with the courts.
  • Pictures and videos are the best evidence. Get yourself some cameras and a doorbell that records voice and motion.
  • Take pictures of everything. The pictures I took after entering the home on Oct. 17th were used as evidence in court. Judge asked Trash if he broke the door — Trash of course said no…. Judge did not believe him and said so directly to him.

Now, we all know that this does not mean I’m truly protected (we’ve all seen enough episodes of Forensic Files or Law And Order to know this). I will still have to call 911 if he shows up, but with the order of protection (OOP) in place, it means he can be arrested and/or go to jail.

There is a lot more work to be done. Next up on my plate is to finalize all the fraudulent credit card charges and add the information to the existing police report. I have no control over this case — the AZ Attorney General will determine if they will prosecute him for this fraud.

I hope these postings are helping others out there – see the light earlier – as to avoid going through all of this as the process is not easy. Best to see the red flags in the beginning and get out as soon as you can. I encourage you to join Narcissist TikTok or read the many great articles on on Medium to learn more about the red flags/warning signs.

Last but not least, and I am and will forever be grateful for having the funds to be able to hire an attorney and a manager that gives me time off work to handle these matters. I am grateful for my attorney and my manager for their continued support.