Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #2

Second break-in – Condo at Princesa in Mexico on Sept. 13th 2022

As I stated before, I was woefully unprepared for this breakup. I thought he had moved on. But no, he continued to harass me after the breakup —

  • He would walk into my Chandler AZ home unannounced
  • On Sept. 7th 2022  he broke into my Chandler home (Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1)
  • Hundreds of calls and WhatsApp messages to “talk” it out
  • and now this …

I believed Trash to be unhinged, delusional, unstable.

After the Sept. 7th break-in, my AZ attorney recommended strongly that I NOT return to the States. He stated that I would ONLY be safe after the eviction process was complete (The Eviction Process) and I had an Order of Protection in place (Order of Protection Was Upheld)

So, I took his advice, cancelled my travel plans, and became a shut-in in my MX condo starting Sept. 7th 2022. I knew that Trash was due back in Mexico at some point in time, I just didn’t know when. And given his past behavior, I had no idea what he would do when he showed up. Since I could no longer trust or predict Trash’s behavior/actions, I made the decision to hire a body guard to stay with me.

I interviewed 3 body guards and selected Cesar. Cesar is a big dude that is an amateur MMA fighter. I chose him because he was all about de-escalation, not violence. Trash had enough rage in him and I didn’t think more ego/rage is what was needed in this situation.

I shared the situation with Cesar — that I was scared of my ex. That he was unpredictable, erratic, and that anything could happen. He stayed in the guest room every night from Sept. 8th 2022 forward. He spoke english well enough that we were able to communicate. It was awkward at first, having a stranger stay in my condo while I was going through this traumatic life event — I was scared, devastated, and now in fear of my life. Cesar was very kind. We did our own thing for the most part (I cried in my room, he played games on his phone), we watched a few movies together (I put the movies on Spanish audio with english subtitles)… we were doing our best to figure out how to share a space during this awkward time. I paid him $50 for each night that he stayed with me.

The First Attack at 6:15pm

All was going well until Sept. 13th at 6:15pm. Cesar and I were watching a movie and all of a sudden Trash crashed through the door. Within seconds, Trash had disabled and removed the Schlage lock from the door. Both Cesar and I were shocked…. We were watching a movie one minute, and the very next moment TD is in the condo screaming at Cesar and I to get out of “his” condo.

What happened next is so surreal — I still cannot believe it happened. I’m still traumatized by the experience. Remembering it gives me PTSD — I have never felt this much fear. Those of you that know me know I speak of death like — “when it’s my time, it’s my time”.. .I seriously thought this was my time — I was sure that if TD got past Cesar that he would throw me off the balcony (Condo is on the 5th floor)…

Here is the recording of the initial break-in on YouTube.

So when Trash entered the condo and saw Cesar, he became enraged. He was beside himself that there was another man in the condo — he was screaming, swearing — in a full rage. He began pushing Cesar around trying to get Cesar to hit him. Cesar stood there, with his arms crossed against his body, blocking him from getting past the kitchen. I raced to the balcony and called the police as advised by my MX attorney. I called 911 emergency number FOUR times. I was shaking with fear — my heart was beating so fast. I reached out to my friends and MX attorney on WhatsApp begging for help. I felt so helpless…. there was a monster in my house and I couldn’t get the help I desperately needed. This is the most scared I have ever felt in my life. Here is the WhatsApp to my friend an MX attorney:

Mx Condo Breakin - 615pm Sept 13 2022 texts to friend and lawyer

While I was on the balcony I could hear things escalating inside between TD and Cesar. I went inside and told Trash to get out of the condo. Over and over again, dozens of times, I stated, “get out of my condo, you are not welcome here”, “get out, I do not want to see you, we have NOTHING to talk about”. “GET OUT and leave me alone”. Trash was enraged — screaming and yelling — telling me that I can’t “steal his condo”; that he was going to have Cesar and myself “taken out by the Goana brothers”. Cesar refrained from responding to Trash’s words and physical assaults and was able to finally push him out of the condo, arms still folded across his chest, just moving Trash slowly towards the door until we could close it.

I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what just happened.

Trash finally left but took the door lock with him:

Trash stole the door lock — there was now no way to keep this door shut or locked.

The condo community also had security, but from what I could see in the Ring doorbell recordings, they were just standing around — not asking him to leave, not escorting him away, nothing (another story for another time).

Trash Was Not Done – He Came Back at 7:15pm

I was shaking with fear. Cesar could see it, I’m sure he was also scared but he didn’t show it. He stood at the door for hours.. And thank god that he did, because Trash came back for a second round.

At 7:15pm that same night, Trash came back up to the condo (How Princesa security allowed this is a story for another time). Trash beat on the door, tried to push his way in again. He shouted obscenities to the both of us….luckily Cesar was able to hold the door closed. Here is the Ring Doorbell recording on YouTube of the second attempt to break-in and the WhatsApp communications with my friends and MX attorney during this time below:

Mx Condo Breakin - 715pm Sept 13 2022 texts to friend and lawyer

Trash finally left on his own…. and at 7:45pm the police finally arrived to take a report (Puerto Penasco Police Report # 1995699).

This should never have happened. I had alerted the HOA of the issues and had warned them, on a daily basis, that I was in fear of Trash and that something bad was going to happen. When it did indeed happen, nothing was done about it (story for another time).

A couple of things stood out to me after the police left:

  • There was food all over the floor — As it turns out, Trash had brought Thai food (my favorite) . This person cheated on me, actively deceived me, broke into my AZ Chandler home, had been stalking/harassing me for weeks. He knew I was not interested in anything he had to say, now or ever. Actions speak louder than words, his actions spoke volumes. So bringing Thai food and thinking we were going to sit down like old friends to “talk” is/was absolutely delusional.
  • As women, we are never safe. Men protect men — Trash probably paid the Princesa security guys a few bucks and somehow they looked the other way. There is one guard who was helpful — Alvaro. He kept telling Trash that “she doesn’t want to talk to you, leave her alone”. I will be forever grateful for his help. He is my favorite security guard. He gets it.
  • Trash is well known in the community. He owns a directTV install business in Mexico… He has access to the roof and other private spaces of houses and communities throughout town. I learned afterwards that during this incident, that sometime between 6:15 and 7:15pm, TD asked Security for the building roof key — he told them he wanted access to the roof so he climb onto my balcony and get into my condo through the patio door. Security did not give him a key. What kind of lunatic thinks like this? Which makes me think that I was indeed close to death that night — no joke.

I will do a separate post about how the Princesa HOA and Board were well aware that this would happen… and did nothing to stop it, and as a matter of fact, they made it worse by turning the Police away 3 times!

As mentioned above, I have a few more details to add that need to be a part of their own story…. But for now, this is a lot to for me share and for you consume. It’s taken me a week to recover from writing about the first home invasion – Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1— this break-in was so much worse, as I did think, and still do think, that if Cesar had NOT been in the condo with me, I would be dead or severely injured.

Lessons learned —

  • I do not believe women are safe — ever. Maybe I’ve watched too much Forensic Files, Law & Order, Snapped, whatever…. .. the court/judicial system is NOT set up to protect us. So in 2023 I am going to take self defense courses and learn how to protect myself. Fuck (sorry for my language mom) these men who think the can intimidate and abuse women. You come after me in 2023 — I will take you down myself. Be prepared to lose your eyeballs and be humiliated that a 5’2″ 115 pound woman kicked your ass.
  • The justice and court systems work at a snails pace — there is zero sense of urgency. I would love to see a system where victims/survivors were protected and given the same benefit of the doubt as the perpetrator/offender. Not sure where I can contribute here, I’m open to ideas and suggestions.
  • I’m forever grateful that I have money to hire attorneys to help me navigate this insanity and for the friends that support me 100000% . I can’t imagine how overwhelming this process would be for single moms, less privileged folks, or women who have become isolated due to controlling partners (see Maid on Netflix).
  • The condo that Trash claims is his is indeed NOT his. It is mine. Here is the story:INSERT STORY HERE.

I am grateful for the Order of Protection here in the states (see US Order of Protection Upheld). I have been told by my Mexico attorney that it is almost impossible to get an OOP in MX, so I just have to be vigilant while in Mexico make sure I am never alone, always with friends, and I let the Princesa security know my whereabouts at all times.

Last but not least, this break-in and the recorded Ring doorbell videos were evidence enough for Verizon to transfer my number back into my own account. Story here — How I Got My Phone Number Back From My Ex.

Heading to Istanbul!

Istanbul-blue-mosqueI know, can you believe it – I did it! I’m going.  Back to Turkey I go.  I booked my flight yesterday, and just finished my hotel and apartment accommodations.  I will be there the week of Thanksgiving.  My plan is to:

  • Live like a tourist the first 4 days – I will be staying at Hotel Sari Konak, in the historic district of Sultanahmet, where I will visit all sorts of historic sites, visit the Asian side of Turkey, and cruise around like a typical tourist.
  • The second half of the trip I am going to live like a local – I’ve rented a beautiful apartment via Airbnb – cozy flat near Galata Tower.  I plan to take a few cooking classes and try my hand at some real Turkish cuisine (along with some wine) while in this lovely flat.

I have no expectations with this trip except to enjoy my solitude and the immense amount of history this amazing city has to share.

I will be putting together my itinerary, or at least a list of things I want to see and do while in Turkey in the coming weeks.  If you have been to Istanbul, I would love to hear your thoughts and recommendations on what to see and do.

Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise – an Update.

healthy-wealthy-wiseSo much has happened. That is what happens when I don’t write for a period of time.  I do need to get better at being consistent.

Health – I’m doing much better health wise since seeing Dr. Alice Feldman. I know, It has only been a short time, but I can now go without required naps and I have extra energy to do the things I care about – such as cooking, gardening, and catching up with friends.  I’ve not felt this good in years, I tear up thinking bout my renewed energy.  I do still have a long way to go.  Right now we are just dealing with cleansing the toxins from my body.  This includes supplements and acupuncture.  Both are doing a world of good for me.

Wealth –  Things are still status quo.  I’m paying the bills, dwindling down my debt little by little, and not saving (because I’m paying off debt).  They only change that will happen this year is if I will the lottery.  When I win the lottery I will let you know. 😉

Wise – Hmm.. I say that I’m older and wiser, but I’m not sure that I’m all that much wiser.  A-Train offered to take me on vacation – and I took him up on this offer.  Not because I still have feelings for him, but because I really need the time away. I spent time really thinking about this trip – what it means.  I’ve discussed all the ‘loopholes’ with A-Train… cost of trip, sex, etc..   we are on the same page.  He says he wants to take me away, on my first vacation, “no strings attached”.  I’m hesitant but I desperately need a break. We are going here –  I will leave this wonderful location with stand-up paddle board skills.  🙂

Tonight I made the best grilled chicken with quinoa side salad – unbelievably good.  This is now one of my favorites – so easy to make and the leftovers get better and better.  Grilled chicken was made using a combination of recipes – it was all natural and paleo – and delicious.  I love my new-to-me grill.  🙂

Outside Of Myself Looking In.

ask-yourself-1Do you ever have that feeling? That you are watching yourself live life from the outside?  I feel like I’m outside my body, watching myself from above, “live” life.  And I put live in quotes because I’m not living right now, I’m just getting by.  I struggle to get up in the morning.  When I do, I get ready – barely.  I do bathe or shower most days, but I rarely wear makeup.  I don’t put on my nice clothes – why?  I do finally make it to work or get to my tasks on the weekends.. but barely.  At work I can focus on most tasks, but it feels like it takes much longer than normal.  Then I go home at night, get into my pajamas and do nothing. I am watching a bunch of series on Netflix and Amazon, I’m just home.

All this time, I’m doing nothing, my mind is spinning.  spinning and spinning on everything.  I cant stop it unless I’m sleeping or high (I just got my medicinal marijuana license).  As I’m doing all this “living”, I’m outside myself, watching over, screaming at myself to get off my ass and get going.

So I know I need to get up, get going, and do the things that will turn life around for me. But I don’t do them. It’s been going on for a while now, and I have to wonder why I haven’t pulled out of this funk or why I am sabotaging myself.

Have you ever felt this way – that you know what you need to do, but you continue down the same path, not moving forward.. ?  How did you get out of it?

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On The Right Track.

The week was rough last week. The weekend was tough, in the sense that my natural instinct is to hide away, to become reclusive, and ponder life and figure it out before I show my face again.  BUT, I was lucky this weekend – I had scheduled a girls weekend in San Francisco that I could not bail on.  So I did it.  I did it – I got myself together and did it.

I realize that for many this is not a feat to overcome.  But I went against my nature, did what was right, and I had a blast.  I had a few girlfriends in town from LA, we enjoyed ourselves immensely, and for some reason, the loss I’ve been experiencing didn’t’ seem so bad.  It was very therapeutic for me – and I bonded with a few women that I so admire.  I’d call that a win-win!

I’ll create a post on my weekend activities as they were fabulous.  But this post is about doing what was right for me – getting out of my comfort zone, doing something different, and succeeding at it.  Anything counts right now.

Right now I’m making Paleo banana pancakes for the week and I’m struggling.  Why do the first 2 work out perfectly and the rest of ’em just burn?  HELP!!

GM Diet Day 7 – Fruit, Veggies, and Rice.

Day 7 has come and gone.. I’m SO GLAD that this diet is over with!  Again, not because the diet is a challenge food wise, but because the no drinking really hinders my social life.

The results of day 7… drum roll please…  4 ounces down.. for a 7 Day total weight loss of 3.5 pounds for the week.  Not great given that some have experienced 10-17 pounds of lost weight…  but I have officially lost all the weight I gained while working in Atlanta.

Day Date Day Morn Weight (lbs) Daily Loss/ Gain Total Loss # glasses of Water Daily Activity
1 29-Aug Mon. 126.1     8 10 min walk
10 min abs
2 30-Aug Tues. 124.1 (2.0) (2.0) 8 40 min run
10 min abs
3 31-Aug Wed. 123.6 (0.5) (2.5) 7 60 min golf
4 1-Sep Thurs. 123.6 0.0 (2.5) 9 30 min low impact work
5 2-Sep Fri. 123.7 0.1 (2.4) 10 60 min bar burn class
6 3-Sep Sat. 123.0 (0.7) (3.1) 6 lazy day
7 4-Sep Sun. 123.0 0.0 (3.1) 7 40 min run
10 min abs
FINAL 5-Sep Mon. 122.6 (0.4) (3.5)    

My thoughts on this diet:

  • It’s not really a diet but a cleanse.  I wouldn’t put much stock in losing weight on this plan UNLESS you plan to work out every day.  The days that I worked out are the days that I actually lost weight.
  • Eating Healthy is a lifestyle, not a diet.  I love fruits and veggies, so this diet was pretty close to my lifestyle, and if you too eat mostly fresh fruits and veggies, you are more than halfway there. 
  •  Carbs aren’t that hard to avoid.  I love only a few carbs – tortilla chips is about the only thing I really missed.  
  • You have to exercise.  As I mentioned a few times, the days I lost weight were the days I physically exerted myself….  to lose weight you have to exercise, period.  I love to workout, but it became clear to me during the week that I’m not exercising enough IF I want to lose weight. I exercise enough if I want to maintain.
  • Where does dairy fit into this plan?  I don’t like milk so I drink soy milk, but I’d love to know where cheese, cottage cheese, and yogurt fit in?  Are these things considered “bad” for you? Why are they not mentioned at all? 

A friend of mine mentioned that he lost 30 pounds on the 17 day diet… I think that will be my next diet attempt.  Like I stated before, I’d love to get down to 110… its my ideal weight – keeps enough meat on the bones but reduces the layer of fat that currently covers my muscles…..  🙂 .  So I would need to lose 13 pounds (I’m now at 123, I was 120 at the first of the year)…

So today is Monday, Labor Day, and I’m going out with friends to enjoy the sunshine and have a few afternoon cocktails.  I’m deliriously happy about it…

GM Diet Day 6 – Beef and Veggies.

Day 6 went.  Results of Day 6 is  no weight loss, no weight gain.  The highlight of the day was that I met friends for happy hour.. and it was soooo nice.  I loved being out and about.  Finally!  We sat outside, in the sun, enjoyed the summer late afternoon/early evening…. Its been the highlight of the week.

Day Date Day Morn Weight (lbs) Daily Loss/ Gain Total Loss # glasses of Water Daily Activity
1 29-Aug Mon. 126.1     8 10 min walk
10 min abs
2 30-Aug Tues. 124.1 (2.0) (2.0) 8 40 min run
10 min abs
3 31-Aug Wed. 123.6 (0.5) (2.5) 7 60 min golf
4 1-Sep Thurs. 123.6 0.0 (2.5) 9 30 min low impact work
5 2-Sep Fri. 123.7 0.1 (2.4) 10 60 min bar burn class
6 3-Sep Sat. 123.0 (0.7) (3.1) 6 lazy day
7 4-Sep Sun. 123.0 0.0 (3.1)    

I didn’t stick to the diet specifically, just did what I normally do.  I had a lot of fruit today – I don’t think that it is allowed, but its a hot summer day and that’s what I wanted.  I did eat some ground beef for dinner – ground beef with lots of tomatoes, onions, avocados, lettuce and Cholula sauce (no beans, cheese, sour cream, or chips).  As you can see, I didn’t work out either, so I’m sure that had an impact on my not losing any weight on Day 6.

The Final Day, Day 7, will prove interesting, I went for a run and worked in the yard for an hour.  I’ll let you know how it goes!

So Much In Common.

You know who I’m talking about… My Mr. Big.  Since I’ve been home and sober, my idle hands and mind have been working on all sorts of activities…  and my memories of My Mr. Big come rushing thru. Not that they aren’t with me every day, but now I’m very clear on what they are…  You will find them simple, probably trite, but they did and do mean the world to me:

  • Laundry.  We both only used 1/2 a sheet when drying our clothes.. I used to tear them, he cut them..  I finally ran out of My Mr. Big cut dryer sheets and had to cut my own.  I think of him every time I throw in a dryer sheet
  • Salads.  Of all my days on this diet, making salads for myself, not a single person, including myself, can make a salad like My Mr. Big.  I loved that he was so grown up and took the time and energy to make such great salads…and dinners (his Seared Scallops and Green Curry Chicken were better than anything I’ve ever eaten at any restaurant)
  • Exercise.  My Mr. Big was the biggest proponent of exercise.  He was into it as much as I was, often encouraged and inspired me to do better.
  • Cat Food cans.  I used to leave the cat food cans in the sink… he told me one day that it bothered him.  I now rinse the cans out and put them in recycling immediately.  What I cherish and remember is his honesty about it – It made me happy to know that I could make him happy (or at the very least not make him suffer). 
  • The Hairdryer. We both had an enthusiasm to dry all “our bits”..  every time I see or use the hairdryer, I think of him.
  • Dishes.  I hate to do dishes.  My Mr. Big was o.k. with this… I think he enjoyed doing the dishes because he knew how I disliked doing them.  He did them with a smile….  I just loved his generosity.
  • Naps. Once of life’s greatest pleasures.. and simply over the top  when you can share them with someone. My Mr. Big was a napper as well…
  • Passion.  I loved everything about him. I could orgasm just looking at him…  and it wasn’t just his looks, his gorgeous skin, but his deep kindness for people, his generosity towards his family, his intelligence…  The chemistry was just there and never waned the entire time we were together.

These are the everyday things that I adored and miss.  Tomorrow I’m going to work on a special project, which is reviving the citrus trees that are dying …. he used to take such good care of the plants.. he just knew how to care for them (like you know how to put on socks).  I was born without a green thumb, and all my attempts at keeping plants alive have been futile.  I feel I will fail at keeping these citrus trees from dying… I’m desperate to keep them alive just so that his memory of his kind care for them and gentle nature stays alive within me.   

The kindness and love, the support and blanket of love that I felt while with him still lives within me.  As much as I’m enjoying my life now, without responsibility (except for the cats, my nieces and great nieces, my financial commitments), I would give anything to have this feeling, this “partnership” again.  I think this is why I’ve not settled down.  I’ve had bad (the Ex husband), I’ve had GREAT (My Mr. Big), and the bar is high…  the guys on the roster have potential, but none have measured up as of yet (or chosen to participate).

This is why staying at home, with myself and no alcohol, is not preferred.  I run into the memory of what once was, what could have been, what I want for myself in the future.  Its so clear to me now….