Relationships

AZ Civil Suit Update

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Ever faced a storm of betrayal so fierce that it led you to the doors of justice? I have! As you know I filed a Civil Suit against Trash, but there is not a “one stop shop” post that speaks directly to the what and why of it all. This post is my journey through the twists and turns of this legal battle in my pursuit for justice and restitution.

In December of 2022, I initiated a Civil Suit for Fraud and Theft, thrusting myself into a legal battle that sought to unveil the deceit that defined my relationship with Trash. The case encapsulated three critical elements:

  • Fraud. His deception extended beyond mere betrayal, involving a sham down payment for a condo in Mexico. As the relationship unraveled, he clung to ill-gotten gains, refusing to return a substantial $130k deposit or remove his name from the condo contract.
  • Theft. The fallout of our breakup extended beyond emotional scars, manifesting as the unlawful pilfering of over $12,000 worth of my belongings from my Arizona home. Seeking justice meant not just reclaiming possessions but also recovering from the emotional toll.
  • Punitive damages. Lies and deception became the architect of my major life decisions. The court, I believed, would recognize the gravity of the deception and award punitive damages.

The year 2023 became a battleground where justice was sought through the civil court system. In my quest for resolution, this post is divided into several digestible sections, each unraveling a distinct aspect of the tumultuous journey:

  1. Why I Filed
    1. The Process – Preparing for Trial
    2. The Outcome – Closing This Chapter
  2. The Civil Suit Components
    1. Fraud
    2. Theft
    3. Punitive Damages
  3. Life Beyond the Settlement

Why I Filed

In the aftermath of discovering Trash’s betrayal, I faced a stark choice: to walk away or confront the storm of deceit head-on. The path of least resistance was clear—he could have spared us both the agony and financial burden by doing the right thing. The simple and most reasonable solution was for him to remove his name from the Mexico condo contract, return what he stole (part 1 – art, part 2 – household goods) and reimbursing me for expenses I would not have otherwise incurred had he just been honest with me about what he wanted. Alas, simplicity was not in his playbook.

All I did was walk away, seeking solace in the aftermath of lies, deception, and betrayal. I wanted nothing more than to sever ties and move on, leaving Trash to navigate his newfound ‘happily ever after” with is new “soulmate” Nurse N’Poop. Yet, he opted for a more tumultuous route, dragging us both into the throes of a legal battle costing tens of thousands of dollars.

The timeline tells the tale:

  • August 2022: The shattering discovery of deception led to my decision to part ways, documented in raw and emotional posts here and here.
  • September 2022: Trash’s transgressions escalated as he forcibly entered my Arizona home, leaving a trail of theft amounting to over $22,000.
  • October 2022: Legal intervention became imperative, leading to his eviction and a judgment for $11,053.00 in damages.
  • November 2022: Seeking protection from his actions, I secured an Order of Protection, accompanied by a judgment for Legal Fees totaling $3,932.50.
  • December 2022: Despite every opportunity to do right, Trash refused to return the $130k loan for the Mexico Condo, leaving me no choice but to file a civil suit.

My sole recourse became the legal system—a decision not made lightly but driven by the necessity to safeguard my assets and reclaim what was rightfully mine. Late in December 2022, I initiated the Civil Suit, embarking on a journey to reclaim not only possessions but a some semblance of justice in the wake of deception.

Read more about Civil Suits and the Arizona legal system here.

The Process – Preparing for Trial

Let me just start and say that civil suits take fooorrreeevvveeerrrr. Years. The journey through the legal process was a labyrinthine expedition, marked by hurdles and unforeseen challenges. There are 6 major steps in any civil suit:

When I filed and Trash was notified, the case was sent to the court. Steps 3 and 4 is what I went through in 2023.

The first was collecting and preparing all the documentation for Discovery of Evidence- This phase is where I submit evidence to support my claim and Trash submits evidence to dispute my claim. When Trash did submit his response, he basically perjured himself by creating the fabricated invoice to “make up” for the $130k he owed me for the Mexican Condo. I provided evidence that his invoice was a fake – This should have been the time that his lawyer fired him as a client.

During the Discovery phase is also when people can be subpoenaed for depositions. My lawyer and I were planning on both subpoenaing Nurse N’Poop for testimony re: their relationship (dates and times were critical in my case) AND knowledge of the stolen items AS WELL AS modifying the lawsuit to include Nurse N’Poop as a Defendant because I could prove she was in possession of stolen goods. That’s right, Trash furnished Nurse N’Poops house with MY (and Lola’s) stuff. If she didn’t know already, she was about to become VERY AWARE that her house is furnished with ex-girlfriends’ belongings.

Attempt At Settlement – It was clear after receiving this invoice that we were going to trial. But with the civil suit exceeding $200k, mediation is a mandatory step. Yet, the wheels of justice turned agonizingly slow – mediation was scheduled 4 months after discovery and almost a year after the initial filing – scheduled for November 3rd 2023.

2023 was a tough year – I was literally just trying to keep my head above water:

  • Juggling Responsibilities: Balancing a demanding full-time job while grappling with the intricacies of the legal battle demanded resilience. Each day brought a new set of challenges that required both mental and emotional fortitude.
  • Collecting the Arsenal: Spare moments were transformed into a relentless pursuit of documentation. Armed with evidence, I aimed to bolster my case and prove the validity of my claims. The meticulous compilation of information was both a necessity and a strategic move in the legal chess game.
  • The Constant Harassment and Bullying: The aftermath of the breakup manifested in relentless harassment and systematic bullying orchestrated by Trash. In a blatant violation of the US Order of Protection, my existence was haunted by a series of confrontations and hostilities.

Surviving a Year of Harassment and Turmoil:

  • Wire Fraud: 2023 kicked off with a bout of wire fraud in January.
  • Dealing with DirecTV, Chandler Police, and the Arizona District Attorney: Navigating the intricate webs of communication with DirecTV, local law enforcement, and the Arizona District Attorney consumed the the entire year, focusing on issues of identity theft.
  • Dealing with the Bank re: Credit Card Fraud: The struggle extended into the financial realm, with the need to untangle the web of credit card fraud, an ordeal that persisted from January through June.
  • AirBnB Woes: The harassment only continued… in July Trash falsely reported my AirBnb Mexican Condo listing as a fraudulent. Everyone knows that AirBnB customer service is horrific… it was soooo painful to get my condo listing reactivated. I never did get the cancelled reservations back, losing income because of Trash’s actions.

As the calendar finally turned to November 3rd, 2023, and the mediation session loomed, I found myself at the crossroads of exhaustion and determination, clear on what I wanted from all of this – I wanted what was rightfully mine and I wanted peace.

The Outcome – Closing This Chapter

The much-anticipated mediation session unfolded throughout November 2023 – a lengthy process that spanned three weeks and involved a staggering 26 hours of mediation, with the mediator charging $600 per hour($15,600 in total). This financial investment, coupled with my own lawyers legal fees, marked a substantial cost for seeking resolution.

The negotiation was a battlefield in itself, with approximately 6 hours dedicated to discussions about the condo, return of stolen items and financial reimbursement for legal fees, replacement items, and repairs for the damage Trash did to my home . However, a significant chunk—20 hours—was spent on negotiating the terms of what I could and could not reveal about the settlement. It was a surreal that the main component of the settlement involved silencing my voice, as Trash aimed to shield friends and the public from the truth so he could continue to lie, cheat, and steal without consequence.

I am NOT able to speak about the terms of the settlement, only that a settlement has been reached. The finalization of everything came in early January 2024, and the court record show the case was officially dismissed on February 8th 2024.

The question is —am I content with the outcome?

The truth is both yes and no.

Yes – The resolution brings me some joy and satisfaction as I achieved a paramount goal: putting an end to this ugly chapter in my life. As 2023 ended, I wanted to step into the new year unburdened by the shadows of harassment, bullying, and intimidation. I had a very strong case, with significant evidence to back up my claims, but at the end of the day, the case would have drug on for another 1-2 years. I did NOT want that. Thus, I made the decision to settle, not out of contentment but out of a fervent desire to sever all ties from Trash and the past.

No – because at the end of the day, Trash and men like him are never held accountable for their actions. They continue to hurt people, steal things, and never face the consequences for their actions.

Entering 2024, I carry the scars of this legal battle, but the mess is finally behind me. In the upcoming posts, I will delve into my plans for the year— I want nothing to do with Trash, so unless he acts up and does something stupid, there will be no more posts about him and the past. My focus is to thrive in 2024. Stay tuned for more on this journey towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding after the storm.

The Civil Suit Components

Fraud, Theft, and Punitive Damages were the crux of the civil suit. See details of each below.

Fraud

Protecting a Dream, Unveiling Deceit

The centerpiece of the legal battle was my cherished condo in Mexico. To shield this prized possession, I took two crucial steps:

  1. Order of Possession in Mexico: A strategic move to secure my rights over the condo, which proved successful in the legal arena: MX Order of Possession Update
  2. Fraud Civil Suit in the USA (Arizona): A decision born out of necessity as negotiations with an injured Narcissist is not possible. The resolution would have to be settled in a court of law – aka the Civil Suit (settlement reached, this post).

The Condo: A Broken Agreement

Trash and I embarked on a shared venture, a 50-50 partnership in a Mexican condo, envisaging mutual investment and shared responsibilities. However, the reality deviated dramatically:

  • Offer Made, Agreement Broken: The agreement to evenly split costs and returns took a sharp turn a day before closing, thrusting me into an unexpected financial quandary.
  • Extortion Unveiled: Post-breakup, seeking the return of the $130k loan was met with laughter and an audacious demand for $150k cash, a stark act of extortion.

Proving Fraud: Unveiling the Lies

Confidence in my case surged when I uncovered a critical piece of evidence during the arduous task of removing Trash’s belongings from my home after the eviction:

  • The Unseen Paper: A 2021 Summary Statement from Trash’s stock account, dated January 2022, became the linchpin of the fraud case. With a mere $91k, not the required $130k, it laid bare the intentional deception.
  • Serving Justice with His Own Documents: Trash’s stock account became the key instrument of justice. The very document he left behind was now the linchpin to expose the financial falsehoods.

This paper, a single document, stood as a testament to his clear intention to deceive me – which is clearly fraud:

  • His initial statements during the purchase process were false and misleading.
  • Trash made the statements KNOWING it was false and misleading.
  • His statements led me to enter into the transaction.
  • I have suffered harm as the result of his misrepresentation.
2022-01-Ameritrade stock 91k
Trash stock account w/o enough $$ to pay for his 1/2 of the condo.
NOTE
I would have thrown everything out after the eviction was complete, but my lawyer said the courts would look favorably upon me returning “items of meaning” to him. So I had to go through all of his shit, including boxes and boxes of documentation that he left at my house after the eviction… It was a horrible task to do at that time. But I did it and found multiple pieces of documentation that would support my case. Trash is too lazy to take his stuff, but fully capable of stealing my stuff. Serves him right that his very own stuff be used against him in court.

Theft

In the aftermath of the breakup, the betrayal extended beyond the confines of our relationship. While squatting in my Chandler home, Trash engaged in a brazen act of theft, leaving an indelible mark on my personal space and well-being. If the criminal courts were not going to hold him accountable, I was going to do it via the civil court system. Trash was nothing but a criminal and I wanted it called out in the civil case so that he could be prosecuted.

The Pilfered Art and Priceless Memories

  • Artwork: Among the stolen treasures were pieces of artwork, each carrying its own story and sentimental value. The loss transcended mere monetary worth, striking at the heart of cherished memories and personal expression. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal What You Love — Part 1.

Daily Essentials and Critical Items

  • Anything and Everything that was mine. The theft extended to everyday household items. Again, he left his items at my house and instead chose to steal all my stuff. Items including furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, short term rental supplies such as cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, etc. and more. NONE of which he paid for. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal Whatever They Want – Part 2.

Each item I had paid for. And I was forced to repurchase everything, forcing me to suspend renting the home until I could get it back to a rentable condition, thus significantly impacting me financially.

Punitive Damages

The repercussions of Trash’s deceit transcended financial losses; they reshaped the very fabric of my and my parents life. Each decision based on his lies altered the course of our lives in ways we could never have foreseen.

The Domino Effect of Deception

  • Selling the Salt Lake City House: At a crucial juncture when decisions were being made based on a shared future, the sale of my Salt Lake City house unfolded under the shadow of deception. I would NEVER have sold my home had I known about his new girlfriend, his affair with Lola, or any of his other affair partners (FWB – Friends with Benefits girls, random girls he picked up and f*&ked). I would have just left Mexico, gone back home to Salt Lake City, and let that be the end.. The sheer fact that he deceived me when making the decision to sell in May, receiving and accepting the offer in June, then closing in late July… NOT ONCE did he mention that he didn’t want to be with me, that he had acquired a new girlfriend, that he was still sleeping with his ex Lola, etc. This level of deceit should be illegal and he should pay for the consequences of his deception.
  • Relocation to Arizona: The plan was to move permanently to Mexico, a decision WE CAME TO TOGETHER, grounded in the belief of a shared future, never materialized. Instead, I ended up moving to Arizona into the home I purchased sight unseen as a short-term-rental. I never wanted to live in Arizona…. But here I am, living in a state I have yet to fall in love with, where I had ZERO friends…. being forced to “start fresh” in a location that was not of my choosing. The only reason I am in Arizona is because of Trash’s active and calculated deceit, which he should pay for.

The Unraveling of Plans

  • Parental Displacement: The decision to uproot their lives was not just a physical relocation but a separation from the familiar, fun get-togethers we had on a weekly basis. In all honesty, I feel he stole from me the ability to be close to my family. We both now live in places, many states away, and are only able to see each other once or twice a year, vs. weekly. I miss them so much, it is heart-breaking.
  • The Sale of the St. George Condo: The decision to part with a beautiful condo in St. George, Utah, was not just a financial transaction. It symbolized the relinquishing of dreams and the surrender of a cherished sanctuary in exchange for creating a shared future with Trash. My parents and I loved this condo, we were there quite often…. but it didn’t “fit” within the plans Trash and I had made, so I/we made the decision to sell. Mind you, while we discussed this, he was still having sex with his ex, Lola. The betrayal and deceit was organized, planned, and intentional.

The Price Beyond Dollars

Beyond the tangible financial losses, the toll on our emotional well-being was immeasurable. The weight of decisions made under false pretenses is something I felt the court and/or jury would see and agree – thereby rewarding punitive damages in the $100’s of thousands of dollars.

As I sought punitive damages in the civil suit, it was not merely a pursuit of reparation for financial losses but a quest for acknowledgment of the profound impact on lives, relationships, and the very essence of what home and family mean to me.

Life Beyond the Settlement

Entering 2024, scars of the legal battle remain, but the mess is behind me. In upcoming posts, the focus of this blog will be about living and thriving in 2024, leaving Trash and the past behind me. The journey continues towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding myself, my savings account after the horrible storm.

Join me on this journey as we turn the page, closing this chapter and embracing a new chapter full of hope, joy, travel, and fun with family and friends.

They Steal Whatever They Want – Part 2

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Ever walked into your home only to find it stripped of your cherished possessions?  Imagine the shock of realizing not only was your home violated, but every piece of my life within it was callously stolen by someone you once trusted and loved. That’s what happened to me, and the culprit? The Ex – Trash. 

Picture returning home after an eight-week absence (due to having to evict Trash from my very own home), accompanied by a constable and a police officer. As you approach your door, you notice the absence of your security measures—cameras, ring doorbell, and lock—all gone. Your heart is beating and you take a deep breath as you brace yourself for the gut-wrenching revelation awaiting beyond that door.

You swing it open, and chaos greets you. Furniture scattered, cherished belongings vanished. The once-beloved space now a haunting reminder of a love turned toxic. Questions echo in your mind: How did he breach this sanctuary? And why? The person you trusted, the one you believed shared your love and trust, has treated you and your belongings with a callous disregard.

The shock is palpable in the images I captured upon re-entering my violated home. It’s no longer a place fit for use or rental. Bookings had to be canceled, and I found myself at TJMaxx, hastily picking up sheets because he stole everything.

I’ve previously shared the heartbreak I felt when I discovered he had stolen all my artwork in “They Steal What You Love—Part 1.” so I won’t rehash this here. This post delves into the broader theft, meticulously documented and reported to the police: Furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, and short-term rental essentials—all pilfered. Every single item accounted for with receipts, each one a testament to a breach of trust. The total value of these stolen possessions, cataloged and documented, amounts to $12,690.

Scroll through the ‘Before’ and ‘After’ pictures to witness the stark transformation of my once-beloved home. The list is exhaustive, with just a glimpse provided below. And let it be known that the financial toll went beyond the initial acquisition—every item had to be repurchased to restore the home’s charm, a costly endeavor triggered by Trash’s greedy departure.

Stolen Items from Inside the Home

Items Trash took that did not belong to him, that he took without permission. Just like he did with Lola things.

Stolen Living Room TV and Rug

  • Last  but  certainly  not  least  is  all  home  supplies  like  extra  bedding, STR supplies such as laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, and backup supplies such as towels (regular and beach), silverware, glasses, etc..   
    • 6 x luggage racks Purchased on Amazon
    • 10 beach towels from BB&B, most of them were blue with various patterns. Thicker towels where both sides were the same (I like nice big beach towels)
    • 6 power strips with USB ports – two for every bedroom side table in the house 
    • Vacuum, broom, garbage cans, etc…
Stolen Bedding, Towels, & Supplies
Stolen Supplies, Towels, Bedding, etc.

Stolen Items from Outside the Home

He took more of my stuff than his— this follows suit with the outdoor items as well. When I purchased the home, it of course had zero backyard furniture.  I furnished the backyard to make it swanky and fun – a true entertainers backyard. Well, Trash decided he was welcome to all of it….   Here are a just a few of the items that he took:

  • Outdoor 4 Chair Patio Set with gas heated center table along with 4 sets of cafe lights in the backyard – $2,000+.  a place of relaxation and contemplation, removed from my outdoor sanctuary, along with all the outdoor lighting. Wonder how Nurse N’Poop feels having furniture at her house that Trash and I had sex on….

    • Purchased the patio set from a local store in Chandler Arizona. Store is now closed. Receipt is on my credit card statement.  Outdoor lighting came from Amazon.

Stolen Outdoor Furniture & Lights
Stolen Outdoor Furniture & Lights
  • Wifi enabled landscape timer: yes, he just ripped it right off the wall.. I’m sure you can find this at Nurse N’Poops house too. He purchased it on his Amazon account but used MY Credit Card to pay for it. So I’m sure he’s off showing everyone how he purchased it. Ask him what credit card he used to pay for it. Yep. Mine. B-hyve Smart Indoor/Outdoor Irrigation Controller.

Cost of Repairs

Not only did he steal material items, he damaged my home. He managed to break through the locked door between the garage and laundry room.  While squatting, he also stole:

  • the ring doorbell,
  • the front door Yale lock, and
  • a bunch of Arlo security cameras. 

Not inexpensive items to replace.  This on top of the over $1000 I paid a locksmith to have all the locks replaced twice (before he broke into Chandler and after he was evicted)…  

1*Kzj90BKRILp2VoAnduYAmQ

 

Lessons Learned

I of course was shocked when I re-entered the house.  The disarray of the home, all my items missing, all his items stacked up randomly all over the house…  Again, you can see the pictures I took of the home when I re-entered here.   

As it stands, his new girlfriend’s residence is adorned with a collection of items pilfered from his two ex’s (Me and Lola). The audacity he exhibits in helping himself to others’ belongings is nothing short of criminal. It’s a disconcerting display of entitlement, reminiscent of someone who hoards trophies from their misdeeds (like rapists and serial killers). The unsettling truth is, he seems to enjoy causing harm and suffering.

While the scars of betrayal remain, this journey has also fortified my resolve to navigate future relationships with caution and resilience:

  • I will never put any bills in a significant others name; in Arizona, this could be considered as them “living” at the home, which would require you to go through the eviction process to remove your ex from your property.
  • I will never let my day job become so overwhelming that I “hand over” any home or business tasks to my partner. I will hire someone as an employee.
  • I will never again share financial information with a partner; he will never have access to my bank accounts, credit cards, etc..

At this point, I may never live with someone else again. The idea of being together apart, where both partners have their own spaces, may become my new norm. It’s unconventional, but after this costly experience, it might be the way I move forward in future relationships.

MX Order of Possession Update

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Guess what dear readers?

I’m back with an incredible tale that delves into the timeless battle of good versus evil—a story where the hallowed halls of justice witnessed the unmasking of truth, and the courts delivered a verdict that resonates with justice.

Today’s update takes us deep into the heart of a legal saga, the Order of Possession case I waged with the Mexican courts. Quick summary of the case:

Continue reading for the update.

June 2023

In June 2023 the Puerto Penasco courts deliver a resounding victory in my favor. Not only did justice prevail, but the court deemed my case so airtight that it came with a penalty:

  • a fine of $10,000 Pesos (equivalent to $586.42 USD as of Feb 2024) for Trash.
  • an additional fine and jail time if he should he dare approach or harm my cherished property.

Yet, the saga continued as Trash, true to form, appealed the decision. The legal battle escalated to the higher court in Caborca, prolonging the ordeal. The court took 6 months to make a decision.

The appeal process is simple – when Trash filed the appeal, all of the documentation (testimony, financial statements, etc.) were sent to the higher court to review the lower courts decision. Myself, Trash, and the witnesses did not need to appear. The higher court reviews the lower courts decision and all the accompanying documentation and will decide in one of the following ways:

  • Uphold the prior decision
  • Partially modify the prior decision
  • Overturn the prior decision

December 2023

In December 2023, 6 months after the appeal, the higher court made a decision. The higher court echoed the verdict of the lower courts, upholding my possession 100%. The email confirming this was almost poetic:

Trash chose not to appeal the second court’s decision, making the victory final. I now hold legal, undisputed possession of my condo, and the sanctions against Trash are not just on paper—they are recorded with two courts.

So this Chapter is over and my beachfront condo has been secured, recorded with the courts, AND with the Condo Association:

  • Trash has been removed from all HOA systems so he can no longer stalk me. He no longer has access to my bookings/reservations, no longer knows when friends are visiting, etc..
  • Security is now aware that he has ZERO reason to be near the B building. The police will be called if he comes anywhere near my building.

How it Feels

How do I feel? Happy, relieved, and vindicated. I’m sure he is still out there telling anyone who will listen that I “stole” the condo from him, but nothing could be further from the truth. The truth is, he tried to steal something from me that wasn’t his and the courts agree with me.

I am also proud of myself – I stood up for myself and my assets. I am lucky to be in a position to protect myself. If he was a good man, he would have signed the paperwork to remove himself from the unit when we broke up, but no. He is a conman, a parasite – sucks the energy out of everything he comes in contact with. I’m glad its over and I’m so ready to move on from this nightmare.

So this chapter is done, complete. Story isn’t over … but close. For now, I am happy with the results in Mexico.

Lessons Learned

What have I learned from all of this? That there are garbage men out there who will lie, cheat, and steal from the people they profess to love. Don’t do what I did, protect yourself and DO NOT mingle finances.

I’d love to hear from you – please share your victory stories. It would be great and know that others out there have also defeated their ex’s in court.

The End.

For those interested, Mexico civil courts are different (and I think simpler) than US civil courts. Basically, The civil code in Mexico exists at three levels: City, State, Federal. So the Local courts make a decision. The decision can be appealed to the State, then at the Federal level. Everything takes time (but less time than in the states). In my case:

  • City/local/district courts can take 2-3 months to make a decision. In my case, the Puerto Penasco courts took 2 months to make a decision.
  • State level courts can take 2-6 months to make a decision. In my case, the Caborca courts took 6 months to make a decision. No new evidence was admissible, no court appearance was required. Oral closing arguments are allowed, which is why the lawyers where required.
  • Federal level courts can take 18 months to 3 years to make a decision.

The End (again).

Financial Abuse is Real

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I was speaking to a friend of mine, who also dated a man who took advantage of her financially. She bought a house and hired him as a contractor to work on the home. She paid him $$ to do this work. He also lived with her, in the home, rent free. When they broke up, she gave him time to move out of the house. He declined to move out. He hired a lawyer and sued her for 1/2 of the house that SHE BOUGHT with her money. So he was NOT on on the title/deed or mortgage, had not contributed a dime to the home, was NOT paying rent, WAS receiving compensation for his work. How did it work out? She ended up having to pay him off – she paid $60k to get him to slither out of her life. Imagine that – a guy wants to use the court system to get what he think he is rightfully owed, when he put NOTHING into the asset. I feel for my friend.

After this conversation, and in preparation for my civil suit, I put together a financial impact statement to better understand the financial impact of dating Trash for 16 months. The amount? $127,311.93. Everything here has a receipt to back it up. This ONLY includes money associated with his deceit beginning June 2023.


Let’s go through each category shall we?

Business Interference

I have lost income directly due to Trash’s actions. This includes:

  • 10.14.22 – I had to cancel a short term booking at the AZ Chandler house because I was in the middle of the eviction process resulting in a loss of $ 1,430.62.
  • Trash called/emailed AirBnB in late July 2023 (almost a year post breakup) and reported my Mexico B509 Condo as fraudulent / duplicate. AirBnB cancelled all the reservations. There were two at the time:
    • 7.29.23 – 2 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 579.69.
    • 8.18.23 – 8 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 1,460.64.

His actions have consequences – it’s called Tortious Interference. AirBnb has admitted that he did this. We will be amending the Civil Suit to include damages for his interference.

Repairs

Repairs include anything and everything that I had to REPAIR after he broke into my AZ Chandler House and MX Condo. What did he damage/steal:

  • damaged the Jandy pool filtering system,
  • he stole the WIFI enabled landscape timer, which had to be replaced and installed
  • The door between the garage and laundry room that had to be replaced, installed, etc
  • The $$ for the locksmiths to change the locks 2x!
  • The replacement and installation of outdoor lighting and cameras he stole
  • He stole two industrial / commercial grade hoses
  • The replacement of Ring doorbells and keyless entry door locks

Fraud

NOTE, I was reimbursed by the credit card company, but the total loss for just fraudulent credit card charges is $6,941.56 ($5,883.94 + $1057.62). I filed 2 police reports with Chandler police, one for each card.

Business Credit Card (4757) – $5,883.94. This is the total amount he charged on my card without authorization between June 29th – August 25 2022. He was using my business credit card to entertain other women, including Lola and Nurse N’Poop, purchasing stuff on Amazon, purchasing gas for his truck, taking people out… He had the audacity to purchase new AC units for the Mexico house, on my credit card on August 15th 2022. So starts dating Nurse N’Poop in June 2022 and has the balls to charge $2,069.00 worth of assets on my business card for his house!

This is not just me calling it fraud. I filed a fraud claim with Bank of America – they agreed with me and credited my account.

Personal Credit Card (7767) – $1,057.62 . When I cut him off from the business card, he began using ANOTHER card, 7767, to charge things. So in the first few weeks of September 2022, he racked up $1057.62 in fraudulent charges. I did not know he still had the card, he was supposed to cut it up/not use it. He didn’t use it for many months – only AFTER he was cut off from the business card did he start using the personal credit card. Meaning he did it with purpose, he knew what he was doing. Details of this are in a previous post – Credit Card Fraud — Part 1 . Bank of America agreed this was fraud and credited my account for all the charges.

Theft

$32,601.67. This is what I can account for – meaning I have the receipts of the original purchase or cash withdrawl/transfer. Yes, I poured through credit card statements and purchase websites (Amazon, Overstock, etc). It include 3 primary areas:

  • $22,591.59 – Replacement of all items he stole from both the AZ Chandler home and the MX B509 Condo.
  • $6,010.08 – My money that he stole from the safe in the MX house. It was reimbursement of the charges Trash put on my credit card. He purchased a bunch of TV’s and alcholol for bars in MX on my card – he said he forgot his card in MX and asked if he could use my card. I said yes. Once he installed them and was paid, he gave me the money, which I put in the safe. I checked that the money was there before we left town on June 20th 2022. The money was in the safe. I had contemplated taking it with me, but chose not too, as it’s expensive to withdraw USD from an ATM in Mexico. When I went to get my things from the MX house in September 2022, he had taken all the money. We are the only two that knew the code to the safe – so it was definitely him who stole it.
  • $4000 – Money I gave to him to give the the MX RV Painter that he spent elsewhere. When I returned to MX in September 2022 to get my things, the RV guy was livid that he hadn’t been paid and threatened to sell the RV if he was not paid. I had to scramble around for 2 days to get enough cash to pay the painter so he didn’t sell the RV. Luckily I was able to VENMO money to friends that were headed to MX and get the money to the painter before he sold the RV.

Deception

$35,469.87 – yes, this is a doozy. This is split into the following categories:

CategoryAmountNotes
Car Rental$1,127.37When Trash left Kanab for MX, I had to rent a car to get around and get to SLC.
Move$7,482.08This is the cost of the move from SLC to Arizona and the cost to move furniture from my rentals to Arizona to replace items Trash had stolen from the AZ Chandler house.
Audi Repairs / Enhancements$1,211.49I thought the Audi was mine, so I paid for new tires and added a hitch to the vehicle so I could tow my trailer from SLC to MX. I clearly would NOT have done this if I thought that a) the car was not mine, or b) that he was with someone else.
Lost Income$14,230.00I had to take a month of unpaid leave to deal with his violence and shenanigans post-breakup.
MX Kitchen Remodel*

$11,418.93This is the money I either paid to Trash directly to pay the contractor OR money I paid, on my credit card for supplies.

I want to point out that the MX Kitchen remodel, we agreed to each pay 50%. He told me that the total was going to be $16,000. After we broke up, the contractor told me the total cost of the MX Kitchen remodel was $8,000. You got that right – he lied to me about the total cost of the remodel so that I would pay it all.

Also note, that we were NOT supposed to start the remodel until I returned, but he insisted we start it before I left. I was not comfortable with this, but I didn’t stick to my guns on it. So he had already been communicating and hanging out with the new GF when we went to the hardware store and purchased $2,595.52 worth of supplies (6/14/22 and 6/20/22).

The kitchen remodel story should be a post all on its own, it is so deceptive and egregious.

Legal Misc

This includes the following:

  • $14,985.50 – Eviction Judgement and the Order of Protection Legal fees reimbursement.
  • $40,000.00+ – legal fees I’ve incurred since filing the civil suit to protect myself against Trash. Money I would NEVER have had to spend had he done the right thing.

Lessons Learned

I have learned so much about myself in this fiasco.

  • I was obviously far too trusting with my money. It just never occurred to me that a significant other would be so deceptive and actually steal from the person that they claim to love.
  • I also came to the realization that I didn’t think I had anything to steal. I never thought of myself as wealthy, of possessing the kind of money that would make me a target for conmen like Trash.

I now know that I am lucky, that I do have funds that people want to steal/take and/or feel entitled to. Moving forward, in any relationship, here is my course of action:

  • NOT share my financial state with anyone.
  • Give access to my credit cards or business accounts to anyone, ever.
  • I will NEVER invest in another persons property/asset. If you want me to invest, put me on title.
  • Simplify my life so that I do not “forget” how much cash I give someone. Or better yet, take responsibility for MY STUFF, never counting on someone to own a project (RV, House Remodel, etc) on my behalf.
  • Reduce the amount of properties I have so I can manage them by myself, without help from a significant other.

Be careful out there peeps. It’s a dangerous world.

Open Letter To The Boy I Could Not Protect

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This is by far one of the hardest posts I’ve written. It’s about a boy, that I knew for a year, lived with for almost 6 months. This boy is Tiny Trash’s youngest son – a confused, hurt teen that just wanted to be loved and accepted by his father. I will call him Gabe in this post.

This post is broken down into seven parts:

  1. The Letter
  2. History
  3. How It Started
  4. What Life Was Like
  5. The Abuse
  6. What Happened Next
  7. Where Is He Now

The Letter

Hi Gabe.

I hope you are doing well and getting the therapy you need to understand that what happened to you was not your fault. You are not to blame. You did not deserve it. You did not ask for it. You should not be silenced. You do not have to pretend like nothing happened.

Nobody has the right to violate you. You are not responsible for what happened to you. You are not damaged goods. You were supposed to be treated with dignity and respect. You were the victim of severe abuse and it was wrong.

I tried to protect you the best I could but I see clearly now how much I failed you. I tried to guide you with positive re-enforcement. Tried to connect with you by doing things with you, i.e. cooking your mothers dishes, grocery shopping, walks on the beach collecting shells, even our drives to/from school were times I enjoyed with you. But that wasn’t enough. You needed someone to remove you from the situation. What I should have done is put you in the car and taken you back to your mother. I did think about it, but we didn’t have a car that would make the drive. Instead, I stayed “the f*&k out of it” just like your father told me to do.

Yes, you did some rotten things. But that does NOT mean you deserved any of the abuse.

I want you to know that I finally spoke up. I called your lawyer and DCS and told them that you were telling the truth. Your father did taser you and that I have the taser. I know it’s a late, and I should have done more sooner. For this I am ashamed and something I have to live with.

You have been traumatized in the worst way possible: physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by your own father. Please do not let this define you or your future. Please tell your story to the right therapists, get the help you need to work past this and become the intelligent, funny, and goofy kid you are.

I hope to see you again someday, give you a hug, and see for myself that you are doing well.

Sincerely, Paula

History

I moved to Mexico on December 23rd 2021 to live with Tiny Trash. His two sons were visiting… however, the youngest son was acting out and not respecting his mother (who lives and works in Arizona), so the two of them – Tiny Trash and the ex-wife – decided that it would be best for Gabe to stay in Mexico and live with his father.

This was tough on me – I didn’t get a say in the decision. I moved to Mexico to be with Tiny Trash, we were finally going to be together (we had been doing long distance 8 months). We had made plans to live our best lives together. Our goal was to work for 4 more years and retire on rental income from our combined 5 properties (2 of his (Princesa Condo and Mirador Townhouse), 3 of mine (Chandler AZ, SLC and Kanab UT). Thinking like this made me feel incredibly selfish. On the other hand, I thought I had an opportunity to help this teen…. So I embraced the new situation and did my level best to take care of this troubled teen.

Now looking back on it, I think he used my compassion and empathy for troubled teens as a weapon against his ex-wife. In hindsight, I’m guessing she did not “agree” to the arrangement but it was forced upon her.

How It Started

After Christmas, Trash and I went to the local school to register Gabe. He had to gather his son’s school records from the USA in order for Gabe to attend. Trash picked CIMA High School because as we understood it, they taught classes in both English and Spanish. It turned out that this was not the case. Gabe did not do well while physically attending classes (he didn’t know Spanish, and more importantly he refused to learn it), so the school offered us the opportunity to have Gabe attend classes remotely, from home, and Trash paid for a tutor to sit with him to translate. The tutor was amazing…. but alas it did not work out because Gabe had zero intention of learning Spanish or being successful. It’s as if he wanted to fail to hurt his father.

During all of this, I was the one who spent the most time with Gabe. I was the one who drove him to school and picked him up everyday. I was the one that he spent the day with when he was learning from home. I was the one that sat with him at the kitchen table, everyday, to make sure he was attending online classes and doing his homework. I was the one actively engaged in his life, attempting to help this kid through a really rough part of his life.

What Life Was Like

While Gabe was under our care, Trash’s schedule did not change. He “went to work” (which we all now know was a lie) and I cared for his son. I took care of him, watched him, mentored him, tutored him, etc.. Taking care of a teen was not a new experience for me – I got legal custody of my niece when she was 14 – and she lived with me during her high-school years. Because I had done this before, I thought that Trash and I were meant to be together – He needed someone just like me to support him during this difficult time. Now I realize that Trash was just dumping his son off on me so he could continue to live his life, partying, without disruption. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was a just a free babysitter.

So why this letter to Gabe? Because I failed him. I knew bad things were going on … I tried to stop it, but I didn’t. I was in a foreign country, did not speak the language, working full time, and now taking care of a troubled kid who was doing very stupid things. The car we had was barely functional.

So what was going on you ask?

A lot of physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Yes, Gabe was making very poor decisions:

  • He kept running away. He ran away 4 times, one time we had to put out the equivalent of an Amber Alert in Mexico for him. Mexico is a safe place – I feel safer in Mexico than I do in the USA. But there are bad people EVERYWHERE. Here is this 13 year old boy, thinking he knows everything, running around alone in Mexico. Each time was very very scary.
  • He was lying. He would tell anyone that would listen that his father sold drugs, that he was part of the cartel, etc. All very dangerous things to say.
  • He was stealing. He stole money from us multiple times. We had to get a safe and lock our money up. He stole prescription drugs from our room. We had to put locks on our own bedroom door to keep him out.

So yes, we were dealing with a LOT. I handled it by talking with Gabe, trying to teach him to think about his actions, how to think before he speaks, before he acts. Gabe was emotionally immature, was intelligent but not smart. He was also highly manipulative. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and was always scheming. At the time I didn’t see it but I do now – He is a mini-version of his father.

The Abuse

I grew up in a household with violence. I am very sensitive to it. So when Trash would go after his son, I would leave the house. Go to a neighbors and hang out. Trash would come collect me when he was “done”.

How was Trash teaching his son to “obey” him? By yelling at him. Call him derogatory names. Belittle and demean him. Beat him. Taser him. Yep, Trash had purchased a taser in the US and used it on his son on an almost daily basis. I remember, many times, walking away from the house, hearing Gabe scream from the pain.

Trash would joke with people that he tasered his son. When NO ONE found it funny, he stopped talking about it, but the abuse never stopped.

When I went to the house to collect my stuff in early September 2022, I went to the safe to get my $6000. My money was NOT in in my purse in the safe, but the taser was. He took my money and replaced it with the taser. Think about that – he took my purse out of the safe, removed the money and put the taser in its place. Here it is:

What Happened Next

I took the taser with me. I was not able to go back to the USA until Trash was evicted on October 17th 2022. I had to file for my own order of protection given all the violence he unleashed on me. I know what he was capable of so I was not taking any chances. Trash appealed the Order of Protection and lost his appeal on Nov 9th 2022.

Once I was safe, my number one concern was that Gabe get the help he needed to process what happened to him. This was super important to me. I know that when I got my niece at 14, she was messed up. She continued to make stupid decisions that lead to her running away with a 19 year old meth-head she met on MySpace. She was on a path to self-destruction and she didn’t know it. Her mom and I decided the best thing for her was a lock-down girls school that focused on building self-esteem and CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It was exactly what she needed – she graduated from the program a new kid. Yes, we went to therapy every 2 weeks for years afterwards to stay on track and make sure she was o.k.. My point in sharing this story is that kids can unlearn bad habits and become good kids. My niece is now in her early 30’s and is a fantastic mother, has a great job, and is in school to advance her career. She makes good decisions for herself and her family. I wanted this for Gabe.

So I called DCS – Dept. of Child Safety in AZ. I was told to speak with Holly Roberts…. I spoke to her once. I got the sense that she did not care at all. I shared with her what I am sharing with you now. She said she would call me back with next steps. She never did. Holly told me that Gabe had a lawyer representing him. I called the office of Tiffany Mastin and spoke with Monica Lieske. I shared with her all the above and asked that a) Gabe get the therapy he needs, and b) to pick up the taser. I never heard back from Monica and never received a call from Tiffany.

So the state of Arizona doesn’t care about the kids in their care. If the State of Arizona doesn’t care, then there is nothing more I can do. As much as I want to protect Gabe and help him obtain the counseling he so desperately needs, I have to protect myself. I need to move on from the past and focus on my future. The taser is now the ONLY thing of Trash’s in my house and I want it gone.

Where Is He Now

From what understand, Gabe is living in a group home. He was unmanageable when he returned from Mexico – he started doing drugs, drinking, staying out all night. The kid is 14. His was being abusive towards his mother, not listening to her, so the State took him and placed him in a group home. From what I hear he was not doing well in the group home. My experience with group homes is that the kids just learn more bad habits. I really do not want this for Gabe. I want him to get the help he needs so he can move past the nightmare and learn more productive ways to deal with and heal from his trauma. But as I stated above, if the State of Arizona and Dept. of Child Safety don’t care, there is nothing more I can do.

If you know of a child being abused, report it. Doesn’t mean they will do anything – just watch The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez (on Netflix), but at least you did something. The whole thing is a tragedy really – no one is protecting the kids.

His father has been completely absent in Gabe’s healing/recovery. He actually blames CPS for his sons issues and will not perform any of the activities required to be re-united with his son. It’s really shocking to me that he has not been arrested or charged with a crime – he has abused that boy since he was a little boy. Zero accountability for how his behaviors and actions have caused this kid to be what he is today. I hope that Nurse N’Poop has the strength to NOT let Trash abuse her son.

Reflections

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Narcissists are the most evil human beings on the planet. They do not care about anything or anyone but themselves. They typically live double lives, one with you, and the other full of over-indulging in their vices – sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.. The nex, Tiny Trash, had a double life – To me, he portrayed a man in a committed, loving relationship, full of promise, a future that included travel, early retirement, and marriage….. what I discovered after The Discard is that none of this was real – he was living a double life and was NOT the person he presented to me.

As I write this – a year after we left Mexico to move out of Utah and permanently to Mexico, 10 Months after Discovery Day – August 24th 2022. So much has come out about his double life. It’s still shocks me that any human being is capable of such deceit. I was naive – I had NO IDEA monsters like him existed. Even though HE cheated on me, was sleeping with his Ex, AND had another girlfriend, he became unhinged when I broke up with him:

The list goes on and on… I still can’t make sense of it, but I don’t think us normal human beings can ever make sense of someone who behaves and treats people in such a cold, callous, and calculated way.

1 year of chaos. 10 months of insanity. What a roller coaster.

I’m moving forward now. No clear picture what the future looks like for me, I’m still taking life one day at a time. I am not all healed up, I still have a long way to go. But I know, for a fact, that I would NOT be this far along if it were not for my friends, especially Justine, Nadine, and Mary in Mexico. They picked me up off the floor on an daily basis in the early months:

  • Justine: for the guidance and constant pushes to protect myself and the condo in Mexico. I now have legal possession of MY condo in Mexico. I would NOT have this if it was wasn’t for Justine. She helped me navigate MX processes (who knew that the CFE (electric company) is the MOST IMPORTANT account you could have?).. So many other ways she supported me, all while dealing with Trash and his constant retaliation and harassment against her and her husband.
  • Nadine: who introduced me to the US legal system as well as narcissism. Her daily reminders to get a lawyer and protect myself. Which I did – the US civil suit was filed in December 2022. Coming to my condo with love, support, and food when I couldn’t get out of bed. Hugs from Nadine are the best.
  • Mary: who was the shoulder I cried on countless times. She was the safe place for me to be raw and vulnerable. I cried a lot… I was in shock, so numb… Mary helped me get out of the fog and helped me to start feeling my feelings again. She helped me see that I was being too nice, and that getting angry, really angry is a good thing.

I am where I am today because of these ladies. I am forever grateful for their love, support, and guidance. It truly took a team to keep me moving forward in the early days.

In honor of them, I have created a new page dedicated to helping others through their recovery: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse . I don’t want anyone to feel alone or have to navigate the aftermath of such betrayal on their own.

So whats next? Legally I have to protect myself and get back what is rightfully mine. So I have two lawyers helping me navigate the legal system:

  • Mark Tucker for the USA Civil Suit I filed against Tiny Trash for fraud and deception.
  • Rogelio Freaner in Mexico re: the Order of Possession for condo that I paid 100% for.

For now, my next step is to compartmentalize my life: Work, Lawsuits, and Healing.

  • Work: Focus on work so I have a paycheck to pay for lawyers.
  • Lawsuits: I have so much to do wrt the US Civil suit, so much documentation and evidence needed… I will be sharing more about these suits with you in future posts.
  • Healing: I’m focusing on learning to trust myself again. I didn’t see this whole thing coming. I thought things were good… I’m trying to figure out why my intuition didn’t scream at me when I needed her most. Send any/all recommended readings my way…

Stay safe and aware out there.

The Con is Real. It’s All About The Money

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As you all know, I filed a Civil Suit # (redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify) in the USA against Trash for fraud, deception, and theft. The premise of the complaint is simple:

  • He actively deceived me in order to con me into purchasing a condo in Mexico (Stealing My Condo)
  • He is responsible for damage at my house in Chandler, AZ
  • He is responsible for all items he stole from me that I had to replace
  • Last but not least, for the safe return of the items he stole that are NOT replaceable (artwork, rug, furniture, etc. – They Steal What You Love)

As you know, he played the victim and was claiming that I squatted in HIS MX Condo. In summary, he lied to me about his financial situation. Had I known the truth, I would have NEVER entered into a real estate transaction with him. This is the biggest reason I filed the civil suit – He actively deceived me about his financial state – which is fraud in its purist definition: ”wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.“

Currently we are in the discovery phase. This means that I have to present my case and evidence and Trash needs to present his. Well, after much delay on his side, he/his lawyer finally responded last week. There are two parts to his response, and of course, the lessons I’m learning along the way:

  1. The $102,278.07 Invoice
    1. The Invoice is Forgery
    2. Examples Of his Outrageous Pricing
      1. $4670 for a New Front Lawn
      2. $770 to Cut Brick Wall Cut for Sliding Door
      3. $285 to Power Wash the Driveway
    3. The Mexico Condo
  2. Lessons Learned

It’s rich folks so grab yourself a cocktail and strap in.

The $102,278.07 Invoice

Yes, you read that right. His main piece of evidence is a $102,278.07 invoice for work WE did at my properties, including a price on the honey-do list. That’s right. He basically entered into court a falsified document, an invoice with:

  • a price for work WE did as a couple on the properties. He did not do them alone – we did them TOGETHER, as a couple.
  • things he offered to do because he fired contractors I had hired to do the work because they were “taking advantage of me”
  • activities that happened after the date of the invoice – January 2022. 
  • things that never happened or ever existed

Basically he entered into court a false document, which he will attempt to use as “proof” I owed him $100k, thus the reason he didn’t contribute a penny towards the purchase of the Mexican condo. 

The reality is, he lied to me about his financial situation, and he is trying to cover this fact up by submitting a false narrative and attempting to back up his false narrative with a fraudulent document. 

The Invoice is Forgery

This is absolutely a forged document. There was never a single discussion nor was the invoice presented to me while we were dating. There is no way he can back up ANY of the claims he states in this fabricated invoice. In Arizona, A false document is one that is forged, groundless, contains a material misstatement or false claim, or is otherwise invalid. The recording of a false document with the county recorder will subject the person to both civil and criminal liability under Arizona’s false documents statute.

Notice the invoice is dated January 2022. Most of the items on this invoice took place in 2022, not 2021.  I have ALL the receipts. Below are just a few examples:

1. October 2022. All the directTV charges (all directTV items and anything electronic related were returned to his employer) are fabricated. 

I returned all his work equipment and all electronic devices to his employer in Oct 2022. I have an email confirmation from his supervisor that the items were picked up and here are the pictures of the actual return event. 

2. November 2022. Trash abandoned a bunch of things at the house. He had over 8 weeks of unfettered access to the house during the eviction process and an additional 2 weeks to make “reasonable attempt” to get his things:

  • He broke into the home on Sept. 7th 2022
  • He was officially evicted on Oct. 17th 2022.
  • Oct. 17th – 31st 2022 to make a “reasonable effort” to retrieve the items he left

He chose, instead to leave his shit. Which I had to remove from the property. Here are the pictures I took upon the initial entry on Oct 17th 2022.  It took me a month to itemize the list of shit that he a) left and b) stole …. All his items were either a) sold and money given to the true owner (Lola) or b) donated and Trash was given the tax donation forms.

He took some of his things – his bed, his two dining tables, all the kitchen stuff (including the dishes, Tupperware, silverware, pots, pans, etc., but mostly he stole my stuff – rugs, towels, cleaning supplies, bedding, art (Steal what you love part 1). But he made ZERO attempt to get the things he invoiced me for. Invoice total of $18,299.30 for items HE HIMSELF DID NOT PICKUP and where legally disposed of. Let’s also remember that most of these items, including the camping gear, he stole from Lola,

So it can be proven in a court of law that the following line items are false and fraudulent: 

3. Installation of Custom Blinds in Kanab. This is a false entry all around. There are no custom blinds in Kanab, UT. There are NO blinds in Kanab. The curtains in the bedrooms I hung myself. Certainly not a custom job. Check it out for yourself here.

No “custom blinds” anywhere:

And that is just a small sample of the issues with the Invoice. Proving him wrong with pictures and documentation will show that he is lying and will damage his credibility, which in the end is what I want.

Examples Of his Outrageous Pricing

He is delusional – his rates are higher than experts, ie. licensed electricians, plumbers, landscapers, etc..

The examples I am about to share are just a few of the many on the invoice. They say that Narcissists are transactional… so while I thought we were in a real relationship where we do things for each other and with each other, he was keeping track of everything “he did”. This invoice is the epitome of his keeping track and wanting compensation for things he offered to do as my boyfriend.

Here is a link to all the pictures of Lincoln Lane, the house in SLC I sold. I miss that house… I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and money into this house. It was my dream home. I would NEVER have sold it had I known who Trash really was. All he had to do is tell me he found someone else. But he didn’t, because he wanted money. And I think his response to the Civil Suit proves it.

And again, he would never be able to prove this was a valid invoice – he never presented this or any invoice to me while we were dating, and there is not a single text message, voicemail, or anything that would substantiate his claim.

This is just another way Trash uses the system, lying directly to the courts, and making the victim, me, prove that he is lying. Its just insane.

$4670 for a New Front Lawn

At the SLC home (Lincoln Ln), I wanted to have my regular landscaper to update the sprinkler system, level out the front yard, and lay new seed. The estimate was for $3000. Trash said they were “taking advantage of a single woman” and said we could do it. Yes, he put the plan together.. but did not listen to me when I had concerns. I’m OCD, and the sprinklers were put in the wrong place, causing the lawn to die in certain areas. He also did not level out the yard, which I kept asking about/wanted to do – but he said it would even out … of course it didn’t, so spring came and it was bumpy and lumpy, causing water to pool in places and other places (the mounds) the grass died… It was a horrible job, but I didn’t say anything because I knew if I spoke up he would call me ungrateful. But it bugged me BIGLY. The invoice includes the following for our work – a total of $4670. So $1,670 MORE than an expert. AND I had to incur the extra expense of renting a back hoe, purchasing mulch, seed, sprinkler parts, etc.. All of which was included in the experts $3k estimate.

Here is what I could have gotten if I paid the $3000 – Left picture is of the backyard that was professionally done. Vs. what I paid $1370 MORE for that Trash delivered. I think it is very clear which option most humans would select. 

$770 to Cut Brick Wall Cut for Sliding Door

This is another perfect example of work at the SLC Lincoln Ln house. I had found an expert that cuts brick/cement for a living. He gave me an estimate of $200 to cut the brick out (two vertical 5 foot cuts) and remove the debris. This is what was required to get the new sliding glass door in the master bedroom installed. I was fine with paying this, seemed fair to me. Trash again said this expert was taking advantage of me, a single woman… so he offered to do it himself. What does Trash think HE deserves for this small job? $770. – $570 MORE than an expert. FYI – the job took him maybe an hour, and probably 3 hours total if you include the time to run to Home Depot to pick up and return the saw required to cut the brick. I had additional expenses that are not included in his estimate – I paid for for the saw rental, for a new blade (which was expensive!), AND the removal of the debris. None of these additional expenses would have been incurred IF we had just left it to the expert. So all in all, having Trash do this job, at his prices and the extra expenses by NOT having the expert do it, costs me an extra $800-$900. Ridiculous-ness.

$285 to Power Wash the Driveway

This one is good. Why? Because there was a local high school kid going around the neighborhood offering to power wash peoples driveway. I have a large driveway so he quoted me $100. I thought it was a good deal. Trash, however, did not. He offered to do it, so I purchased a power washer and he spent an hour power washing the driveway. Now he is invoicing me for 3 hours at $95/hour for a total of $285. Just pure rediculousness.

The driveway is large… but I would have MUCH rather hired the teen boy for $100 and NOT purchased a power washer… Again, just sharing the tip of the iceberg here.

The Mexico Condo

In true form, and as I outlined in Do Not Mingle Finances post, Trash finally publicly states his plan is to steal MY condo. Here is the “settlement offer” my lawyer and I received last week.

Option 1: Sell the property. I get my initial investment back (so he finally admits he didn’t pay a dime for the condo), but that we SPLIT the proceeds evenly. He does NOT mention that I paid for all repairs and that he collected all the rental proceeds. So basically, he wants to make money on my money.

Option 2: I buy him out. Essentially, I pay him $100k to go away. At least he finally admits, in black and white, what he is really about.

The entitlement is MIND BOGGLING.

Both options include dismissing the eviction judgement for $11,053.00(Evicting the Ex) AND release him from paying my legal fees of $3,932.50 in the OOP hearing he lost. In addition:

  • he wants me to pay for the legal fees I’ve incurred for the Civil Suit. We would NOT be here, both of us incurring legal fees, if he had just done the right thing from the beginning. The audacity.
  • He wants to control the sale of the condo – using his agents (oh hell no) and set the price (the market does that you dummy).

Lessons Learned

This situation has been tough. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo while all of this goes on. What I realized during this Civil Suit discovery phase is that it is going to take forever and I cannot put my life on hold. I need to learn to compartmentalize my life. Deal with this stuff when I need to. Focus on rebuilding my life and moving forward when I’m not dealing with this lawsuit. I am actively working on figuring this out now – what do I want to do with the rest of my life? What can I do now to inch forward and not let this situation stop me from moving forward and getting me down?

When and How I Discovered the Truth (Aug 23-26th 2022)

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How the truth eventually came to light

WARNING – This is a very long post…. its is a 2 day walk through of a horrible breakup with the lying, cheating ex-boyfriend, whom I’ve come to learn is a sociopathic narcissist. It is written 7 month post-breakup and in a journalistic format. Only truths and receipts here. I am doing this post for my Lawyer, who has asked me to put together a timeline of “how things came to light”.

Overview

So much about my “relationship” with Trash has come to light over the last 7 months. It is clear we were in two very different relationships – I was with him because I loved him, trusted him, and thought we wanted the same things – work hard for an early retirement, have a loving, committed relationship. He said he wanted these things and behaved in a manner that lead me to believe he wanted these things as well. But it was a con – He was mirroring me – I can only assume to con me out of my hard earned money. This has been the hardest for me to come to terms with – that everything he presented to me about himself and how he felt about me was false and fraudulent. I also still feel incredibly gullible for falling for it all… but my family and friends remind me, over and over again, that I was actively deceived and I could not have seen it coming.

You must know, first and foremost, that we had a relationship based on trust (or so I thought). We had agreed early on in our relationship that if either of us ever wanted out of the relationship OR met someone else that we wanted to pursue, we would be forthright and tell the other person. AT 50 years old, there is no reason to spend time and energy in a relationship with someone who does NOT want to be with you. We had 90 day reviews to make sure we were still on the same page. We shared what went well; what wasn’t working, and we made plans to do more of what was great and change the things that didn’t work for us. This is why it NEVER occurred to me he was lying, cheating, or living a double life. Long story short, while I was away, selling my house so we could live our lives together in Mexico like we had planned in late May 2022, I had absolutely no reason to doubt him:

  • we had this agreement,
  • we communicated daily,
  • we were still talking about our future together,
  • I was not aware of any new “special friend”‘s

With that said, this post is long and is divided into five parts:

  1. Overview
  2. How I Discovered the Truth
    1. Lie #1: Staying the Night with the Ex-Wife
    2. Lie #2: The Borrowed Car
    3. Lie # 3: The Green Supplement Drink
    4. His Own Comments with Mutual Friends
    5. His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages
  3. The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life
  4. Summary & Lessons Learned
  5. Final Words of Wisdom

So here goes… get some coffee, some wine, some snacks, cause here we go!

How I Discovered the Truth

I don’t even know where to begin. So much happened in the days between August 23rd and August 26th 2022. Three days is all it took to turn my world upside down. The amount of lies and gaslighting that happened is still mind-boggling to me. He kept badgering me to talk, but I knew nothing that came out of his mouth would be the truth so I kept the entire conversation in WhatsApp. And I’m glad I did because now I have proof of his depravity and active deception.

He came over to the Chandler house on August 23rd. I had driven a trailer full of stuff down from SLC (I had, after all, just sold my house and moved to Chandler). The trailer was sitting outside in the driveway (against HOA policy) because Trash’s car was in the garage. Trash was to supposed to remove his car from the garage before I arrived so I could put the trailer in the garage, but he didn’t do it. He told me he was in MX working (which was a lie). So on August 23rd he came over around 2pm-ish, walked inside without knocking, took a call with CPS, then went into the garage to get his car out of the garage. Once the car was out, he helped me back the trailer into the garage. After we completed this, we went inside to have dinner and go to bed. After dinner he sprung it on me that he was going to stay the night with his ex-wife… which is an unbelievable story. He also mentioned that he borrowed a mutual friends car…. and he also left green drink supplements at my house. These three things got me thinking… and so I began to do some investigating in the early morning hours of August 24th 2022.

Lie #1: Staying the Night with the Ex-Wife

Its not in the phone text below, but you can see below on 8/23/22 at 9:54pm he says “call me”. He had just left the Chandler house after telling me he was going to “spend the night at his ex-wife’s house“. I didn’t believe him. I called him – he told me not to worry, that I had nothing to worry about. He loved me, but that his son was NOT doing well and needed him. I called bullshit on this story. I have confirmed with his ex-wife that he did NOT spend the night at her house. She also confirmed that she doesn’t have a couch. SO he lied bigly.

Lie #2: The Borrowed Car

As you can see above, he tells me that he borrowed his friends car. I reached out to the friend. She got back to me a day later. He absolutely did NOT borrow her car –Whatever he did, I don’t care. There should be no reason to lie about this …. unless he was hiding something. Which he was.

Lie # 3: The Green Supplement Drink

Anyone who knows Trash knows he doesn’t drink anything but alcohol or water. So anyone with half a brain knows him drinking a green smoothie is a bold faced lie. “Its a cleanse and I wanted to try it” is just so ridiculous. This was when I stopped taking his calls.

His Own Comments with Mutual Friends

So given the lies above above, I was in a state of shock, but I knew there could be no good explanation for the lies. I didn’t care what he did, how he did it, when he did it. He lied to me – more than once. And no one lies unless they have something to hide.

Because I had an asset to protect, my Princesa B509 Condo, I needed someone to manage it while I sorted everything out (see how he is attempting to steal my Condo here) . She let me know that Trash had let her and her husband know that we had broken up and she was sorry to hear it. I said it was news to me and asked if she would be willing to take back over managing the condo. She said yes… Then I asked her what Trash had shared with her while I was away… Boy, it was a doozy. Here story was consistent with others that I spoke with. What came to light was:

  • Trash had told folks in my friend circle that we had broken up.
  • Trash was with Nurse NincomPoop (aka N’Poop) at a bar. A friend approached Trash to say hi and ask how I was doing. Trash told my friend that he didn’t know, that I was “three girlfriends ago“.
  • Another friend spotted him at a table for two at our “special place”, Pane e Vino, the very same place we had our 90 day review/conversation at the end of May. We discussed how hard it had been with his son living with us, but that HE still wanted to move forward together. We agreed on the next steps in our relationship (sell my SLC house, purchase property in MX and build a house, take the RV for a month long RV trip), etc..

So basically, while I was away, following through on our agreed upon plan, Trash found himself new supply. I was devastated…. I was in shocked to my very core. I was numb. I had yet to wrap my head around what I had just done – sold my personal residence in Salt Lake City Utah, packed up myself, my cats, and HIS DOG and traveled by myself from SLC to Chandler with a car and a trailer. I gave up a good life, a beautiful home, moved to a place where I knew NO ONE except for him, only to find out that the person I did all this for was a man-child who had zero integrity or moral compass, who purposely and actively deceived me for the entirety of our relationship.

His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages

So I moved off of text and onto Whatsapp for all communication starting August 24th 2022. I would not speak to him. I did not trust anything that came out of his mouth, I wanted everything in writing. And I’m glad I did that, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do the same thing, especially if you are dealing with a liar, cheater, manipulator, and/or a violet person.

WORDS OF WISDOM: If you ever find ourself in this position, NEVER take his calls. Narcissists and master manipulators are very good at gaslighting you into thinking that you are crazy. DO NOT TALK TO THEM while you are vulnerable. Let them explain themselves in text and take your time with your responses. Use your brain, not your heart.

Here is the exchange between us, with commentary, from August 24th – 26th 2022. Trash is on the left in Grey, I am on the right, in Green. These are the exchanges, what you must know was that I was in complete shock; my body was shut down, my mind was numb… I was so hurt, just devastated… and to feel this way and continue to hear him lie, over and over again was so traumatic.

So yes, once I found out he had a whole ass girlfriend, I removed him from all my accounts (credit cards, utilities, anything that we shared). He then says its “extreme” and I’m “f*king dumb” for doing this.. Really? WHO WOULDN’T DO THIS?

You will see in the next section that this is a clear lie… Trash and Nurse N’Poop) Facebook Relationship Status changed to “In a Relationship” 14 days PRIOR to this series of lies… on August 14th 2022. HE KNEW he was lying and he just kept on going...

SIDE STORY: On August 14th 2022, Trash asked his ex Lola for a blowjob AT Nurse N’Poop’s HOUSE in her Master Bedroom. Lola cleaned her house on Aug. 13th. Trash was unhappy with the deep clean (something about baseboards), had Lola return on the 14th. Now that the furniture was in the house, why not ask your ex-girlfriend for a blowjob in the new girlfriends master bedroom????

Yeah, met the girl of his dreams. Sure. (Insert eye roll emoji here).

So I begin asking him questions. If you do not have a new GF, then why the rumors? Because rumor has it he had been all over town with her, she stayed at the house we shared Costa Diamante, he stayed with her and her kids at the Princesa Condos, they visited “our” restaurants together… Here are the two days of WhatsApp transcripts full of his lies and gaslighting.

Umm, yeah, people can and did say different. Trash and Nurse N’Poop were all over Princesa the entire summer. As a matter of fact, when I got back into my B509 unit, there was viagra everywhere. I knew it was his… so he had the audacity to take her to MY CONDO…. just disgusting.

And this is where it gets ugly.. trying to get my phone number back from Trash. and him being “indignant” that I would accuse him of cheating with a “married woman”… NOTE: Nurse N’Poop filed for divorce late May 2022. So technically married yes, sleeping around while her divorce was moving through the court systems, also yes.  How do I know – It’s public record. 

Here it comes peeps, strap in.

Like dude, leave me alone. I said I never wanted to see you again. Do NOT come near me, ever again! Jees. A bit of history: while Trash was in Utah helping me move from July 27th through August 2nd, he purchased a car for me, a blue 2008 Audi Q8, a tire went flat….. I wanted to purchase the car on my own, but he insisted on buying it for me. I was just trying to get the flat fixed on a car that I thought was mine.

FYI – the rim was not messed up.

I’d really like to know who he thinks is “nobody” because everybody I knew in Mexico knew about Nurse N’Poop… The only person that did not know was ME!! So I must be the nobody he speaks of here.

In my above comment about “last weekend”, this was the weekend of Aug. 18th-22nd when we, we being Trash, myself, and his two sons, were to be at baseball games together. I later discovered he was NOT in Mexico and instead went to the games with Nurse N’Poop.

And here we go about getting the “real” story about Nurse N‘Poop. He had originally told me that he had “old friends” stay with him at our Costa Diamante house (by OUR I mean the fact that we lived there together, Trash absolutely is the sole owner wrt mortgage). What we know now, Nurse N’Poop was NOT an old friend, but a very new friend, that he did NOT mention to me, his current girlfriend.

I have since found out that he did post on Facebook as did Nurse N’Poop and her friends, but he was able to block me from seeing these photos. I have friends who began sharing these photos with me, so let’s just say, that he knew at the time I didn’t know how Facebook works, but I do now. He blocked me from seeing what he was doing, period. End of story.

Yes, let’s talk about the RV. I gave Trash $4000 to pay the RV guy. Trash did NOT give the RV guy his money. He kept it for himself. So I had to pay MORE money to get the RV back from the paint guy. Just more $$ that Trash stole from me.

Just highlighted above how he said he would never mess with my phone service. I wanted to take my phone line back, but he would not let me (wouldn’t call to approve it, wouldn’t give me the code to do it myself). And he is “that way”. Within 2 weeks he had my service shut off because I would not talk to him. You can read all about it here).

Trash claims Nurse N’Poop and all her friends knew about me, knew he loved me, and they like me (see the “Yes all of them like u“).. . I then ask for their contact details so I can confirm this. Because in a mature relationship, if they know about me, and they are “just friends”, shouldn’t I be aware of them as well?

So for those interested, here is a picture of Trash at the party with Nurse N‘Poop.. Canoodling was definitely had. She was his guest at the party. So he knows these pictures exist, he knows I have them, and he STILL denies it. SMH.

Seeking comment from my readers: I’d like to know how many of you would be o.k. with YOUR boyfriend entertaining a new lady friend that he has NOT told you about at a party where ALL of your friends are in attendance. Rumors are flying. He is very much enjoying himself with her. And I can guarantee you that if I showed up at a party with a new guy where all his friends were, he would go ballistic. It is the double standard of a cheater.

Also notice how its Justine’s fault because she was ONE of the multiple people who told me. Every one of our friends was at this party, not just Justine.

So I ask him above if he took Nurse N’Poop to Pane e Vino, which is our special place. He knew it was our special place, which is why I asked him. His response below is “f*&k no”…. which I know is NOT true based on the first hand account of a friend.

For whatever reason, Trash continues to blame Justine for his actions, never taking accountability for his behavior.

Please note the retaliation is real. Trash has made it his mission to constantly harass Justine and her husband since August 2022. He has publicly threatened her and her dogs, to the point she has filed a police report, added 24/7 security to her home, and faces his retribution on a weekly if not daily basis TO THIS DAY (Updated January 2024)..

The going gets good here. If his behavior is so innocent, I ask to speak to Nurse N’Poop… he loses it —

NOTE: That the exchange I share in the above WhatsApp message is a text exchange between Trash and a friend stating that we (he and I) agreed to not speak for 3 weeks. Which never happened. We never agreed to this, we spoke all the time. Like I mention in my comments to him is that I wanted/needed to have deeper conversations with him but he didn’t make the time. For example, the Lehi house needed a new floor, we needed to talk about it. He wouldn’t make time for this conversation SO I MADE THE DECISION myself (which of course he didn’t agree with). I figured it out later it is because he was spending all his time with Nurse N’Poop.

These next sets of messages get to the heart of the matter. Where he finally admits that he is “friends” with Nurse N’Poop. What I know now, he began a relationship with Nurse N’Poop in June BEFORE we left Mexico for Utah. I don’t care when they started having sex. He began a new relationship with another woman and did not tell me about it 3 FOR MONTHS. If you can’t tell your partner about a new friendship, or you have to hide a relationship from your partner, that is cheating. Period.

FYI – that picture in the whatsApp is of Trash with Nurse N’Poop and her friends on Aug. 22nd which you can find below in the timeline. It’s the weekend he told me he couldn’t go to the game with me and his boys because he was in Mexico. Clearly he was not in Mexico, he was with his new supply.

And now its my fault – He is not the liar, I am the insecure one – umm hmmm, gaslighting at it finest.

Just want to make it very clear to everyone – finally, we agree that it’s over (above). This is August 25th at 9:44pm. A mere 11 days AFTER he and Nurse N’Poop make things official. 

and on and on and on… until finally he admits to seeing Nurse N’Poop. And you know why I think he did this? Because I reached out to Nurse N’Poop myself to get the truth.. Did I get it from her? No, not really. Here is what I wrote her on Aug 25th 2022.

And here is when he finally admits to dating Nurse N’Poop – on August. 26th at 4:09 in the morning.

I wrote Nurse N’Poop back, thanking her for her help. And that was the end of the communication with the floozie. She never wrote me back. I never reached out to her again. I did have to block her after she publicly stated untruths about me in the Facebook Group “Are we dating the same guy – Phoenix“. She clearly is not not a girls girl and has/had no intention of being mature about the situation she and Trash created.

I now understand that Nurse N’Poop knew Trash had a girlfriend and she didn’t care one bit. She could not have missed it when she stayed at Costa Diamante or the Chandler house – my stuff is all over the place. She is not a girls girl, not a girl who has another woman’s back. As far as I am concerned, they deserve each other.

The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life

At the end of the day, after 7 months, here is the timeline I’ve pieced together of the 3 months: June – August 2022.

June 8-12th 2022: they may have met sooner, but they definitely met at the Roger Clyne Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos concert that started June 8th 2022. I remember Trash acting weird during the concert – he kept leaving me in the VIP area while he was hanging with friends near the bands… I finally went over to see what he was up to, and he disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone (again). Then the entire weekend, he got up in the morning telling me he had to “go to work”, only to end up at Manny’s to party. I didn’t have a car and did not have a way to join him, which was probably exactly what he wanted (another isolation tactic). Guess who is no-where in the pictures of that weekend EVEN Though I was AT THE CONCERT?? Yep, me. So based on this post and what I’ve learned from friends, I believe he planned to be with Nurse N’Poop and the others.. and didn’t want me to get “in the way”…. SO this is one of the reasons I think he connected with her prior to this weekend.

June 24th 2022 – he made her an admin of his FB Keepers and Creepers group. He would not let go control unless they were “close”. He did this while he was with me in Kanab UT, on our 8 week trip to move me down to Mexico. I still had no idea this “just a friend” existed. All of a sudden, June 24th, he got a big project in MX and had to leave Kanab to head back to MX on June 25th 2022. It was a lie- he was heading back to spend the July 4th weekend with little miss Nurse N’Poop. It’s all just so clear now. He lived a double life and I was the sucker for trusting him, supporting him so he could live his dream of building a business down in Mexico.

July 4th weekend –Nurse N’Poop and her friends stayed in our MX Costa Diamante house… not “old friends” as Trash had told me. Didn’t she and others find it strange that all my stuff was there, in the master bedroom?!! They partied all weekend together… Makes me sick to my stomach to think she rummaged through my stuff and HE allowed it.

July 2022 – He blocked off my Chandler house the entire month of July. Told me it was too Hot in MX and that he wanted to spend time with his kids…. Instead, he hosted a “Singles Party” on July 10th with Nurse N’Poop and a few other other ladies. He charged the entire party on my credit card (over $600 in booze and food). Look at the dates — July 10th to be exact — Trash was texting me that he loved me and sending me pictures of him with his family, having dinners at my place, telling me he was going to bed early….

he made absolutely no mention that his “new friend” Nurse N’Poop was staying at my house OR that he was using my house to host singles parties.

Clearly his intention was to deceive me about what he was doing. No way would I have allowed him to have a pool party AT MY HOUSE with his nasty ass girlfriend.

Rumor has it that Trash and Nurse N’Poop were talking about moving in together – into MY HOUSE. She was there long enough for my address to be registered to her name. I STILL get mail for her at the house (It’s now December 2023).

August 14th 2022 – The day they decided to mark the beginning of the relationship. Now they didn’t do it on this day, they waited until the day after the 2nd breakin to publicly share their relationship status on FB. On Sept. 14th both Trash and Nurse N’Poop changed their relationship status to “in a relationship” with each other, but back dated it to August 14th 2022.  I do not think his “in a relationship” FB status as of August 14th is random. It is most likely the 90 day mark as too when they started officially “seeing each other”, however they defined it, in early June. Which makes sense to me, because that was the weekend of the Circus Mexicus concert at Banditos (June 8th-12th) where Trash was behaving very odd.

So many lies…..  it truly is hard to comprehend how many lies he told. 

August 22nd 2022 – Tells me he is in Mexico working, which is why we could NOT go to the Baseball games with his sons. But really he is actually in Arizona with Nurse N’Poop. celebrating god knows what.

September 14th 2022 – the day their FB relationship status changed to be “IN a relationship”. 24 hours AFTER he broke into my Condo. They back dated their relationship to August 14th 2022.

And the rest is history. The section above shares with you what happened on August 23rd moving forward. So yes, I I learned about Nurse N’Poop. on August 24th/25th. But clearly there was a lot more going on behind my back prior to me discovering their affair.

Which leads me to the next section… Read on and learn from my mistakes folks.

Summary & Lessons Learned

Having had 7 months to recover from the shock of it all, look back at inconsistencies, have friends and acquaintances share tidbits of info… slowly but surely the truth came out and is what I’ve shared is all I know at this point.

Lesson learned: The truth will always come to light. The goal is to leave after the first offense/sign of disrespect because:

  • They most likely have been doing it over and over and over, they just got caught this time.
  • Narc’s love to be friends with their ex’s and always have multiple FWB’s hanging around. Narcs love to keep their ex’s around as backup…. I learned this the hard way…. Trash has a lot of ex/FWB friends he hooked up with while we were together.. this is above and beyond the strangers he would find to bang AND in addition to Nurse N’Poop. He is a walking STD/STI.
  • Things can and will never be the same once trust is broken.

If you have made it this far, congratulations. You have probably been through something similar and have spent a lot of time dissecting it in and effort to understand what happened and move on.

Final Words of Wisdom

IF you are in a relationship with a sociopath, narcissist, master manipulator, gaslighter, liar, and/or cheater: get out the first time they show you who they are. If you do not they will hurt you over and over again… It took me finding out about this one girl to leave. But since I’ve been out of the relationship, I have learned that there were plenty of other women he was with besides Nurse N’Poop. Outside of what I’ve shared above:

  • He had an ongoing affair with his ex, Lola. Sex in my house, sex in hotel rooms, sex in Mexico, wined and dined her both in Mexico and in Arizona. You name it, they did it. He told her I was a “business transaction” and that they would get back together when he was done with me.
  • His truck was never in the driveway of our house in Mexico when I was away on business. He never spent the night at our house when I was not home. He was out at the bars, picking up randoms when I was out of town, taking them to his Condo or Mirador Townhouse.
  • Sometimes he would “work late”, but was not really working… He was actually at his condo, mere blocks away, using the owners hot tub and his condo as a “f*&k pad” while I was AT HOME TAKING CARE OF HIS SON.
  • There are his FWB gals that he hooks up with – he had 2-3 that I am now aware of. I’ll be writing on this topic soon.
  • Lastly, there are all the vulnerable women he preys upon in his FB Groups (Keepers and Creepers and Chandler Arizona Adventures). He loves single women going through tough divorces… so he can swoop in and look like a hero for installing locks, Ring doorbells, and hanging TV’s. But in reality he is just a predator stroking his ego at someone else’s expense.

So let this be a lesson to you all that the best course of action is to BE DONE the first time you find out your partner/significant other has strayed – because you can be guaranteed that you did NOT catch him the first time.

When you find out something that breaks a boundary. Leave. It WILL NEVER GET BETTER. And once you leave, you will discover a lot more, and from what I’ve learned from the experts, what you actually learn about is only 10% of what truly went on. So if the above is only 10%…. I can only imagine what else will come to light during the civil suit discovery and trial.

Protect yourself ladies.

The Eviction Process

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Evicting an Ex from your property is not easy.

All of this started August 24th 2022.

When I confirmed Trash’s lies, I cut him off. He was living with his new girlfriend, Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short) in Gilbert. He met her on June 10th at a concert. He started seeing her BEFORE we left Mexico on June 20th. He spend all summer with her, had her stay at MY HOUSE in Chandler while I was moving from SLC to live with him.  Details are in my first post here:  How I Became the Ex.

I told him I wanted no contact. I blocked him from social media, email, messaging, etc. I told him to leave me alone — to not speak to me or or come near me again. There was nothing to discuss, period.

I own a home in Chandler. I purchased it originally as a short term rental in October of 2021. But now that I no longer have my primary residence in SLC (sold in July 2022), and obviously I was NOT going to be living with Trash in Mexico…. I had no other choice but to make the Chandler house my primary residence.

Anyway, as I stated above, I told Trash to NOT come by the house. He did NOT listen.  He decided it was his house too (after all, he hung up lights and worked on the property so it was as much his as it was mine). Because of this, he felt that he could walk into the home whenever he wanted to.  He did this 3 times.  I was not going to be terrorized by this lying, cheating coward. On Sept. 6th 2022,  I hired a locksmith and paid $536 to have all the locks replaced, the ring doorbell and front door lock replaced, and the garage code changed.

eviction process - locksmith receipt

But he somehow he still got in (I know now that he had a garage clicker that let him in the garage, then he broke down the door between the garage and the house.) He mocked me on WhatsApp.  You can see the WhatsApp conversation in the story Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1.  Basically he told me that:

  • he was in the home
  • that he wasn’t going to leave until I came home and we talked
  • that I couldn’t kick him out because he had a lease

I called the police to have him arrested for trespassing. When the police came to the house he wasn’t there. The police called him…. he said he was living there, that his furniture was there, and that the electric bill was in his name so he had every right to be at the house.  The police told me that there was nothing they could do at this time, and the only way to get rid of an Ex that won’t go away is to go through the eviction process and file an order of protection. Chandler Police report (# redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify) filed on Sept. 7th 2022.

So that is exactly what I did. I hired a lawyer on Sept. 8th 2022.  Given that Trash had brought up the lease as a reason to stay, the strategy was to use his reasoning/logic against him.  If he had a lease, then he owed rent, and he could be evicted based on the non-payment of rent. It took almost 6 weeks to get this done.  Here are the dates:

  • Sept 8th 2022: I began the eviction process. First Trash had to be served, then once served, he was given a 10 day grace period to respond.
  • Sept 29th 2022: First court hearing was scheduled for this date. Trash appealed and a hearing date was set for the following week, Oct. 6th 2022.
  • Oct 6th 2022: The judge decided in my favor — the house is mine, the lease was legally binding — Trash was to pay up if he wanted to stay.  Trash chose not to pay. Legally he had 5 days to get his things out of the house.   He only took a few of his things and stole all of my things (They Steal What You Love — Part 1 & Part 2 coming soon) .
  • Monday Oct. 17th 2022: The day the writ was served at the house. I met the constable and locksmith at the house. Notices were hung. Locks were changed. And that is the end of that.
  • December 14th 2022: Final disposition recorded – Trash’s appeal was denied.  Judgement for $11,053.00 recorded and finalized.  Let the garnishment begin!

Trash is no longer allowed at or near the property. If he shows up for any reason, he will be arrested for Trespassing. You can read more about the process here: https://justicecourts.maricopa.gov/case-types/evictions.

Another advantage of hiring a lawyer is that I am now able to go no-contact with Trash. Meaning any/all contact Trash wants to have with me must go through my lawyer. My lawyer is a godsend and I am forever grateful to him for his support through all of this.

Now the eviction and writ only protects the house, and me WHEN I’m in the house.  By this time, he had:

It was now time to protect myself from this person. So on Oct. 18th I began the process of getting an order of protection against him — He of course contested it. So the court date for this hearing is this week, Thursday Oct. 27th. Once I am granted the order of protection, he has to stay away from me — ZERO CONTACT — for two years. If he defies this order, he will go to jail.

This sociopath narcissist  — who cheated on me, lied to me, stole from me, who has been told dozens of times to not contact me, will just not stop…. Makes zero sense to me.

I’m learning so much through this process, here are a few lessons from today’s story:

  1. Don’t date a narcissistic sociopath.
  2. Always always always arm yourself with cameras — ring doorbell, cameras (Arlo, Blink, whatever). They can be used as evidence in court.
  3. Always get a police report for every incident — you will need proof that you are trying to protect yourself. Otherwise it is his word against yours.
  4. No matter how much you love someone, do NOT, under any circumstances, let them move their furniture in or put any utility bill in their name. Better yet, never cohabitate with anyone — if they are a narcissist — they know the system and will make it extremely difficult to rid yourself of them.

How I Became the Ex (the Brutal Discard)

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This is where the nightmare begins..

I met a sociopath who will now be forever known as Trash while on vacation in Puerto Penasco/Rocky Point Mexico in April of 2021. We hit it off. We started seeing each other long distance — two weeks on, two weeks off. Every two weeks we would see each other either in my home in Salt Lake City (SLC) Utah, or at his condo in Puerto Penasco. We did this from May to December 2021.

In August/September timeframe, things were going so well, we talked about selling one of my rental properties and purchasing a property closer to Mexico (reduce travel)…  So in September, I sold a rental property (“the Duplex”) and purchased a nice home in Chandler Arizona via a 1031 Exchange. I would use it mostly as an airBnB, but planned to also use it personally — to be closer to Trash and Mexico, reduce some of the travel time.

After this purchase, Trash asked me to move in with him in Mexico. I had a job where this was possible (remote work is the best!)… and I was thrilled things were going so well between us.

So in November, I started the process of turning my beloved SLC house into a short-term rental (STR). I chose to go with Evolve.com as my marketing and scheduling service and hired a property manager.

In December 2021, I packed up my RV and drove down to Puerto Penasco with my two cats Sophie and Zoey. We arrived on Dec. 23rd 2021, the day before Trash’s birthday.

We lived together in his house in Mexico… when we needed to go to the United States, we would stay at the Chandler house. Usually only a few days in-between rentals. It was a nice life. The only challenge at the time is that his 13 year old teen son was living with us.. It was a tough time for Trash and his son…. but because I had been through a similar situation with my niece, I felt that I was the perfect person for him, I understood the challenges and could be there for him.

His son left May 25th 2022.  A few days later, we went to “our” restaurant and had our 90 day review (more on this later)…  We agreed that things had been tough (having his son living with us was VERY challenging – he ran away, in MX, 4 times!!)..  Even with the challenges, we decided we wanted to continue forward and be together.  WE decided that we would not be spending time in SLC for the summer as we had originally anticipated.  So together, WE made the decision to sell my SLC house.  It took about a week to get it listed, and within 48 hours I had two over-asking offers. I accepted one… and WE made the plan to spend 8 weeks packing my shit up and move it to Mexico, where we would live full-time. We left Mexico in his truck, with all the pets, and headed North. We stopped in Kanab, UT for the week of June 20th to fix some things at one of my other rental properties.

Again, we were supposed to be together for the entire 8 weeks. But while in Kanab, he said he just got a big project in MX and that he needed to return to MX to get started.  I support him and his work, I had no reason to believe this was not the truth.  So we made the decision to divide and conquer  — on June 25th, He drove back to MX by himself and I rented a car and drove myself and all the pets to SLC to begin packing/moving.

Throughout June, July, and August we were still talking, texting.  We put a plan in place for him to come back out the end of July and help me move. Originally I thought he was going to drive with me from SLC to Mexico, but no.. he said another big project came up. He left SLC on August. 2nd. It was not a great visit — he was purposely picking fights about stupid stuff. …. BUT we were still have sexy time, he bought a car for me to drive while in MX (Audi Q7 — future story), he took $2800 from me for the MX house kitchen remodel (future story).

We were to reunite on Aug. 17th 2022 in Chandler AZ. He had made plans for us to go to the baseball game with his sons…. I had taken time off of work for it.. Sometime around August 10th-14th he told me the plan was no longer in place, that he had a lot of work to do. He would be up in Arizona after the weekend on August 23rd.  I was crushed.. Here I had been packing up and moving to be with him, and I felt like I was the only one making “us” a priority.  My best friend flew out from Reno to help me unpack and deal with this very uncertain time.

So Trash finally shows up on Aug. 23rd 2022. He walks into the house, take a call with CPS (his child had been removed from the home and was now under AZ state care – see Gabe’s story here).  We did couple things:  we cleaned out the garage, unloaded my stuff from the trailer, etc..). you know, together stuff. We talked while I made dinner…. He asked to see my phone while I was making dinner… I let him. He’s my boyfriend, I trusted him, he can see whatever he wants on my phone. Well, while he had my phone, he transferred my phone line to his Verizon plan. I did not authorize this…. and this did come to bite me in the arse. I was able to remedy the situation: How I Got My Phone Number Back from My Ex.

Anyway, on this very night, as I was cleaning the dishes and I thought getting ready for bed, out of the blue he tells me that he is going to spend the night on his ex-wife’s couch because his “son needed him”. I called bullshit on this … I asked him what was going on, to be honest with me.  He reiterated his son needed him.  All other times his son needed him, the son(s) came to the house.  I asked why his son didn’t just come to the house.  He said his son wasn’t comfortable at the house.  This was strange to me as his kids just spent time at the house in July (story coming soon).  He left.  He called me from the car and reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.

Of course I cried.  I was so sad!  But my gut told me that something was not  right. I didn’t know what was going on… . I spend the night doing some digging, and a lot was not as he said. I caught him in lie after lie …. he still wouldn’t admit it, even when I had factual evidence/proof.

What did I find out?

  • That he didn’t borrow a friends car
  • That he didn’t have any projects in Mexico the entire summer
  • The entire time I was out of town he was telling everyone that we had broken up and was flaunting a new girl all over town. He met this “just a friend” on June 10th at a concert that I WAS AT WITH HIM, 10 days before we left for our 8 week “move” from SLC to Mexico.
  • He blocked off the Chandler house all of July and was hosting singles parties at the house.
  • He had a new girlfriend and was now living with her.

Trash had been living a double life — With me, on the phone, we were very much together — I was receiving texts, calls, etc about his work activities and how excited he was for my return.. In Mexico he was living a new life with his new girlfriend Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short).   It was beyond heartbreaking to learn of all this after everything I had just done — changed my life to be with this man, only to learn I had literally been replaced while I was away.  I no longer had a “home”.  I didn’t know a soul in Arizona.  I was truly shocked and had never felt such betrayal before.  Finding out the truth is hard, learning everything was a lie is gut-wrenching.

betrayal memes | Betrayal quotes, Family betrayal quotes, Quotes about strength and love

Everyday since Aug. 25th I have awakened to some threat or action on his part to hurt, harass, stalk, and destroy me. I will tell each story, as they unfolded chronologically and with evidence.

If anyone else has been through this, I welcome words of wisdom or references…. not just for myself, but for others that may also be going through this.