This post is going to be about a lot of things, but the common theme is addiction…
As one junkie to another, I’ve moved on from Breaking Bad to Prison Break. Both give me the same crazy I-need-more adrenaline rush. On Saturday night, I think we watched 6 episodes of Prison Break in a row, no, maybe 8. Why the switch? Because I only had one more episode of Breaking Bad to watch. I just watched it tonight.
Re: Breaking Bad, just finishing up the last episode, I’m sad that it’s over. I know tomorrow, and the very near future, I will get the shakes. Just minutes after watching it, I’m missing it… my feelings all askew around what is next. I really just want another hit episode. Please dear god, let the idea of “the last episode” be a bad dream, let me wake up with another episode, just one more, on my recorder.
I have been cheating on Breaking Bad though… since I knew it was almost over, I fell for Prison Break (yes I was cheating on BB). So, while waiting impatiently for the final Breaking Bad episode, I found Prison Break. Not an evening has gone by without me watching 3-6 episodes.. yes, you read correctly. Last Saturday alone I watched 6+ episodes, in a row… All I can say is I love the pause functionality on Netflix, it allows me to go to the bathroom and grab food to nourish myself… otherwise, I’d be as emaciated as a drug user…
I have realized that I do have an addictive personality. Not only am I addicted to TV Dramas, I now recognize I am also addicted to real estate. I have forever, since I became an adult (I call it enlightened, which happened when I was in college while watching Shawshank Redemption), felt that “safety” and “security” meant owning real estate. You see, as a kid, we traveled a lot.. we moved to a new place every few years. I thought this was normal until I met my EX, who low and behold, grew up in the same house since he was 2 years old. Blew my mind… I thought to myself, “what would life be like if I had lived in one place all my life?”. What I saw looked good.. it felt safe, secure. A place to call home. A place I could decorate, make it my own space…Delighted by the idea, I purchased a few properties in Utah in the early 2000’s as a single gal. When I got married, I swapped those properties for a luxury condo in 2008 (stupid me), which I thought I would rent and use (VRBO is awesome). Didn’t work out so it’s now a full-time rental. In addition to this condo, I purchased a house for my niece AbFab, her husband, and her kids to live… She is now divorced and living somewhere else; the home is now being rented out.
In addition to these rental properties, I purchased a house where I live, in Northern CA, which I remodeled, I absolutely love, but I do not live in. I cannot afford to live in my own home. Why? PMI. $700/mo in Private Mortgage Insurance. Without the insurance, payment is a stretch but I can do it. With the PMI, its out of my reach. To live in my own home I would need a roommate. I have to rent it out to pay the mortgage. So where do I live? I currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment a few miles from my house.
When I am completely honest with myself, I realize that I can’t afford to own these properties – I “own” them for “safety” and “security”. What I realized was that they are actually a noose around my neck.. that I’m not getting anything out of it, that instead of feeling “safe” and “secure”, I’m stressed, tied down, and handcuffed if you will to these properties. I just realized this a few months ago. I’m still wrapping my head around it… I’m drawn, addicted if you will, to owning property. But what I realize is that it isn’t good for me (unless subsidizing other people’s lifestyles makes you a good person). I have begun proceedings to sell the Utah condo. I’m pricing it just right so that it will sell by the end of the year. I just want out. Next up will be the property I purchased for AbFab and her kids… At the end of the day, I am no longer interested in subsidizing someone else’s living situation. I feel like my addition is subsiding…. but we shall see. Once the properties are gone, will I get an itch, the shakes, to “get something of my own” again in Utah???
One other addiction that I really miss, that was good for me to? Grey Goose and her funny stories. Where is she? Does anyone know? Is she safe, just working hard? Found a man who has swept her off her feet and giving her some good bicycle rides? I keep going to her blog – http://myguidetobadinternetdating.wordpress.com/ – for updates, thinking my email alerts aren’t working, but no… nothing new. Come back Grey Goose, I love and miss you!
O.k. this is it for me tonight. I’m exhausted. I have other pieces I want to write about the wedding, precious gifts, the miracle of the human spirit, etc.. but I’ve run out of time.
Paula's Ponderings 
Well this is a side of Paula few would have guessed at. Addiction is a hard task master. Your first drug of choice is not so bad until you run out. Breaking Bad is a far less cruel mistress than the drug being pushed in the series.
You seem to have found your version of methadone with the new series and I will say you had far more foresight than the addicts I have known when you found a new source before your stash ran dry. I for one will be having the shakes when Mad Men ends, though it has not been hinted at yet I fear the day Don Draper finds Jesus or falls off the roof of that building he works in.
As for your second addiction, it is unique in the anals of addictive behavior. You seem to be a one woman social democracy. You subsidize other peoples lives but seem only to receive small reward from those who benefit from your larges. The People’s Republic of Paula. A great place to live if you can hack the taxes.
One thing you said about moving frequently struck a note with me. Growing up in a section of Los Angeles and with off again on again parents, my sister and I moved a lot. In Los Angeles between La Cienaga Blvd and Cresent Heights Ave I lives on seven of the nine north south streets. We lived on two different apartments on the same
street about 45 yards apart. All the moving is probably why my back is messed up today.
I wish you well with getting the monkey off your back and look forward to future updates from you.
Be well H. S.
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Hi Harold. Thank you for your thoughts, I love it when you comment. Your responses mean a lot to me. My next post will only cement your comments.
Moving is definitely hard on the body, I have no doubt that your back has expired far too soon if you have moved a lot. I have dealt with back pain only a few times in my life, and it has been the worst physical pain and emotional anguish I have experienced. If I could hand you drugs through the internet, I definitely would. I wish you all the best in dealing with the pain.
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