Stopping narcissistic abuse/retaliation is hard work.
So Trash appealed the order of protection. The court hearing was yesterday, Nov. 9th. The judge heard the case and upheld the order of protection. This means two things:
Trash is required by law to have no-contact with me— this means no calls, no texts, no email, not to reach out on any social media accounts, and finally, to NOT be anywhere near me for the next two years. This is a win for me as I can stop living in fear that I will run into him because he is stalking me.
That I brought the right evidence to court and was able to prove all of my claims:
During the hearing, the judge warned Trash that whatever he said during this hearing could be used against him in the pending criminal and civil cases. Trash decided to testify anyway…. Trash lied in court, directly to the judge…. The judge called him out on it many times, he was not amused by any of Trash’s antics. I will be receiving a recording and a paper transcript of the hearing and using his words against him in the other criminal/civil matters.
Because he appealed the original Order of Protection, and we were forced to have this hearing, he is now required to pay court costs and attorneys fees, which is $3,932.50. Ha!
What I learned during this process:
Always keep records (dates, times, etc) of harassment and theft. Excellent record keeping will give you a lot of credibility with the courts.
Pictures and videos are the best evidence. Get yourself some cameras and a doorbell that records voice and motion.
Take pictures of everything. The pictures I took after entering the home on Oct. 17th were used as evidence in court. Judge asked Trash if he broke the door — Trash of course said no…. Judge did not believe him and said so directly to him.
Now, we all know that this does not mean I’m truly protected (we’ve all seen enough episodes of Forensic Files or Law And Order to know this). I will still have to call 911 if he shows up, but with the order of protection (OOP) in place, it means he can be arrested and/or go to jail.
There is a lot more work to be done. Next up on my plate is to finalize all the fraudulent credit card charges and add the information to the existing police report. I have no control over this case — the AZ Attorney General will determine if they will prosecute him for this fraud.
I hope these postings are helping others out there – see the light earlier – as to avoid going through all of this as the process is not easy. Best to see the red flags in the beginning and get out as soon as you can. I encourage you to join Narcissist TikTok or read the many great articles on on Medium to learn more about the red flags/warning signs.
Last but not least, and I am and will forever be grateful for having the funds to be able to hire an attorney and a manager that gives me time off work to handle these matters. I am grateful for my attorney and my manager for their continued support.
My fight to financially untangle myself from my Ex.
In February 2022 I purchased a condo in Mexico. Trash and I were to go in on it 50/50. Purchase price was $250,000. The day before we were to close, Trash told me that he didn’t want to sell his stock (which is where he said he was getting his half of the purchase). He sad he would pay me back when the market improved, SO I paid for the condo myself — 100%. I got the money for this purchase by refinancing my house in Salt Lake City Utah. I was fortunate to pay all cash for the condo.
Because of the anti-laundering laws in Mexico, they would not let me wire the money from my Bank of America account because According to Mexico laws, any account that has the words “living trust” or “trustee” in it is not considered a personal checking account. Here are the emails I received the day before closing.
Email #1 from Closing CoordinatorEmail #2 from Closing Coordinator
So the end result of this email exchange is that the Mexico title company could not accept the money from my account. And we were closing the very next day — Feb. 25th 2022. Given that we needed a quick solution — I transferred the total amount required to close Trash’s Bank of America account and he wired it to the title company.
What I did not do, and the biggest mistake of my life thus far, is remove Trash’s name from the Private Contract. I didn’t think to do this because he said he would pay me back. Big Mistake.
Now Trash is trying to take the condo from me — saying it’s 50% his since his name is on the Private Contract and is demanding that I pay him 1/2 — which would be approximately $150,000. It’s a big mess that I am trying to work out here in Mexico right now. Lawyers in Mexico are not cheap…. but what else can I do?
He continues to tell people that it is HIS condo and that I am stealing it from him. He’s waving around a piece of paper that says he paid for the condo and I’m squatting. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I purchased the condo. I wanted a place for my parents to stay when they come out to visit me in the winter (they live in Pennsylvania). Outside of this, we would use it as a short term rental.
Facts are:
I transferred all the closing money, a total of $255,395.24 from my Bank of America account to Trash’s Bank of America on Feb. 25, 2022.
I also paid for the earnest money deposit of $5,000. So I paid a total of totaling $260,395.24
I paid for any/all repairs or improvements. All charges were put on a credit card THAT I PAID FOR.
I never saw a dime of the short term rental proceeds. As I understand it now, he has grossed over $16,000 between March — August 2022.
I moved into the condo early September 2022 when I moved out of Trash’s house in MX. Our house that HE stayed in with his new girlfriend. Told me she was an “old friend” and that I had met her before (more on this later)..
So now I have two attorneys — one in the US and one in MX to fight for what is mine.
Lessons learned:
never ever ever mix finances with anyone, let alone a narcissist. They believe what is yours is theirs.. and will fight for it.
They will steal from you and not feel bad about it at all. They have zero integrity or any moral compass….
They will never do the right thing — in their mind it is all about them and what is owed to them.
At the end of the day, I am spending a lot of money on lawyers and a lot of time fighting for what is rightfully mine. This lesson is the hardest lesson I’m learning and the hardest battle I’m fighting to date. So save yourself the headache and heartache— never ever mix finances with an ex, let alone a Narcissist.
So after Trash was evicted (story here), AZ law gives him 14 days to “make reasonable effort” to make arrangements to get his things. He had 14 days from the day after the writ was served — 10/17/22. So October 31st was his last day to make contact. He never contacted my AZ attorney, so I got the green light from my Lawyer to get rid of the stuff he left behind.
While I was making arrangements, a friend told me that the furniture Trash had convinced me to put in the house was actually not his; he had stolen it from his ex-girlfriend, Lola. I was mortified. Upon learning this, I reached out to Lola — shared with her what was going on, and let her know that I wanted to return her things to her. She responded, and we agreed to meet at my house.
To say I was nervous is an understatement. I had so much anxiety about it I took a Xanax. Trash had told me so many horrible things about her — how she wanted him back, she was stalking him, she was sending nude photos of herself to him when we were together. He said it was so bad he had to block her.
Well, as you all can guess, none of this was true. The truth is:
He never blocked her; they have always been in communication and continued a sexual relationship the entire time I was with him
She was not stalking Trash; Trash was stringing her along; breadcrumbing her. He told her that I was just a “business transaction” and alluded that they would get back together as soon as he was “done” with me
Yes she sent pictures to him, of her in her swimsuit (she has great boobs).. because she thought they were getting back together
She is a lovely woman who also had her heart broken by this monster
So the truth is, while Trash and I were doing the two-week on, two-week off time between May and December of 2021, He was stringing her along. I saw all the texts. She continued to ask him if he had a girlfriend … he insists that he was single — The very same thing he did to me after I arrived in Chandler, when questioning him about Nurse Nincompoop (aka NN), his new supply/girlfriend. I went from feeling scared to feeling compassion and empathy for Lola. She has been through so much, she is still hurting, just like me, for being so actively deceived. She has been traumatized. AND she still agreed to meet with me.
I also found out that in the early morning hours of January 8, 2022, mere weeks after I arrived in Mexico to live with him (Dec. 23rd 2021), she had made arrangements to pick up her things from Trash’s MX Mirador townhouse. She showed up early to avoid seeing him. Like 6 am early. She got up early to get her stuff before going fishing. Trash showed up and attacked her — pressured her to have sex with him. So while I am laying in his bed, in the MX Costa Diamante house that we now called home, he got up early to harass, intimidate, and attack Lola. She showed me pictures of her bruises and the text exchange between them. He’s a disgusting human being for treating anyone like this.
Anywhoo, she came over to my house. We identified the furniture that was hers. She does not have a place to store it, so we agreed I would list it for sale and give her the money. Of course the sold price is a fraction of what she originally paid for it….. but at least it’s something. It breaks my heart to know how devastated she must have felt when she found out he stole a house full of her furniture and put it in his new girlfriends house.
She didn’t/doesn’t blame me. She treated me with nothing but kindness. Extreme kindness. She knows that I do not know anyone in Chandler, so she invited me to have Thanksgiving dinner with her. How NICE is that? But wait, there is more. She told her friends about me, and her friends reached out to me and we all met up. I now have 3 girlfriends in Chandler — the ex Lola, and her two besties Bambi and Vexatious.
So who would have thunk it, that reaching out to do the right thing would lead to new friendships.
What I’ve learned:
Trash was not truthful with me. Nothing that comes out of his mouth was or is true — I have receipts for everything. He continues to state untruths but has zero receipts. as my AZ attorney says, “if his lips are moving, he is lying”.
Trash is not a genuine person. He never cared for me — everything he presented about himself to me was a facade. He was a fake, a fraud.
When I’m ready to date again, I’m going to do things differently:
I will ALWAYS do a background check on the potential mate. The cost is well worth it. I purchased a truthfinder.com on Trash and the results were shocking. 4 evictions, email addresses associated to sex websites, multiple altercations with the law, etc. Crazy shit. Had I seen this report sooner, I would never have dated him.
I no longer believe in “crazy ex’s”. I will ALWAYS request to speak with the ex. If he is a good man and treated his lady with respect, then this should not be an issue. I know that my ex prior to Trash would happily talk to a potential partner on my behalf.
I do hope someday that karma does pay Trash a visit. For now, I will keep moving forward to heal my heart. Knowing that I never meant anything to him really hurts. But it is also helping me heal — the person that Trash presented to me never existed, the relationship I thought we had was never real.
I am forever grateful to Lola for agreeing to meet with me, for being so kind to me, and bringing the receipts I need to validate what was truly going on during our relationship.
The first break-in: Chandler AZ house — Sept. 7 2022
Police at my house in Chandler AZ on Sept. 7th 2022
Trash and I broke up on August 24th when I found out he was living with his new girlfriend (How I Became the Ex ). I had no idea that this was not going to be a “normal breakup”.
As you all know, I told Trash to never contact me again. I could not go no contact at this time because we needed to work through getting his stuff out of my house and the Mexico condo he is trying to steal from me (Do NOT mingle finances with anyone. You will regret it).
I told him to stay away from me. That I wanted NOTHING to do with him. He didn’t listen. He kept coming to the Chandler AZ house and letting himself in. I was not going to live in fear.
So while I was in Mexico over Labor Day weekend (early September 2022) collecting my things from the house we shared in Mexico (Costa Diamante, Puerto Penasco), I hired a locksmith to change all the locks in Chandler AZ. Sept. 6th 2022 they showed up and changed all the locks. All I wanted to do was come home and prepare for my trip to Italy. I thought that if I did this, then I would be safe — I could return home, lock myself in, and not have him barging in unannounced. I could not have been more wrong about the situation.
One of the very few times I reached out to Trash first was this exchange — I just wanted him to know where to find his dog Baxter (story for another time). Instead of taking responsibility for his dog, he broke into my house — This is WhatsApp exchange with Trash on Sept. 7th 2022 — Trash is the left side / grey, I am the right side / green:
To say I felt terrorized and violated is an understatement. I was shaking with fear, with anger…. He broke into my house and was squatting there. God only knows why. I called the Chandler police to have him arrested for trespassing (Chandler Police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). He told the police he had a lease. Officer Swansen called me back and told me my only recourse was to evict him. So I did: The Eviction Process .
After a 6 week adventure through the court system, I was able to evict him. I was finally able to get back into my house on Oct. 17th 2022. He had indeed gotten in via the garage then broke through the door between the garage and house.
The break-in, the eviction judgement, and this WhatsApp exchange is part of the evidence that my Order of Protection was granted/upheld: Order of Protection Was Upheld .
This person, who had been cheating on me since BEFORE we left Mexico (and I’ve learned that he was cheating the entire duration of our relationship), and who was now living with the new girlfriend, was unhinged. I knew the violence he capable of — for months I had listened to him beat and tased his son mercilessly. I knew his rage, and I knew he was capable of causing great harm.
Learning that the Chandler police would/could do nothing…. My heart was racing, I did not know what to do…. I knew I was not safe in the USA. I cried, I got mad at myself for being such a fool, for being so naive…. Then I drank some wine and made some decisions:
I needed to stay in Mexico with my friends. I had zero friends in Chandler/Phoenix. And the police could do nothing to protect me.
I cancelled my trip to Italy and visit with my parents (I was scheduled to leave Sept. 11th 2022).
I began searching for attorneys in the Chandler/Phoenix area. The one I found told me I was in danger and advised strongly that I not come back to the USA for any reason.
Thank god, at this point, from a work perspective, I had two weeks scheduled vacation. This gave me time to deal with this. I thought that two weeks was enough time. I was so very wrong.
I was terrified. I had no idea what could or would happen. I have NEVER felt more unsafe and alone in my life. Ever. But it was about to get much worse as my no contact would enrage him so much that a week later he drove down to Mexico and broke into my condo: Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #2 .
I have no lessons learned on this one. Just be careful out there.
Hundreds of calls and WhatsApp messages to “talk” it out
and now this …
I believed Trash to be unhinged, delusional, unstable.
After the Sept. 7th break-in, my AZ attorney recommended strongly that I NOT return to the States. He stated that I would ONLY be safe after the eviction process was complete (The Eviction Process) and I had an Order of Protection in place (Order of Protection Was Upheld)
So, I took his advice, cancelled my travel plans, and became a shut-in in my MX condo starting Sept. 7th 2022. I knew that Trash was due back in Mexico at some point in time, I just didn’t know when. And given his past behavior, I had no idea what he would do when he showed up. Since I could no longer trust or predict Trash’s behavior/actions, I made the decision to hire a body guard to stay with me.
I interviewed 3 body guards and selected Cesar. Cesar is a big dude that is an amateur MMA fighter. I chose him because he was all about de-escalation, not violence. Trash had enough rage in him and I didn’t think more ego/rage is what was needed in this situation.
I shared the situation with Cesar — that I was scared of my ex. That he was unpredictable, erratic, and that anything could happen. He stayed in the guest room every night from Sept. 8th 2022 forward. He spoke english well enough that we were able to communicate. It was awkward at first, having a stranger stay in my condo while I was going through this traumatic life event — I was scared, devastated, and now in fear of my life. Cesar was very kind. We did our own thing for the most part (I cried in my room, he played games on his phone), we watched a few movies together (I put the movies on Spanish audio with english subtitles)… we were doing our best to figure out how to share a space during this awkward time.
The First Attack at 6:15pm
All was going well until Sept. 13th at 6:15pm. Cesar and I were watching a movie and all of a sudden Trash crashed through the door. Within seconds, Trash had disabled and removed the Schlage lock from the door. Both Cesar and I were shocked…. We were watching a movie one minute, and the very next moment Trash is in the condo screaming at Cesar and I to get out of “his” condo.
What happened next is so surreal — I still cannot believe it happened. I’m still traumatized by the experience. Remembering it gives me PTSD — I have never felt this much fear. Those of you that know me know I speak of death like — “when it’s my time, it’s my time”.. .I seriously thought this was my time — I was sure that if Trash got past Cesar that he would throw me off the balcony (Condo is on the 5th floor)…
So when Trash entered the condo and saw Cesar, he became enraged. He was beside himself that there was another man in the condo — he was screaming, swearing — in a full rage. He began pushing Cesar around trying to get Cesar to hit him. Cesar stood there, with his arms crossed against his body, blocking him from getting past the kitchen. I raced to the balcony and called the police as advised by my MX attorney. I called 911 emergency number FOUR times. I was shaking with fear — my heart was beating so fast. I reached out to my friends and MX attorney on WhatsApp begging for help. I felt so helpless…. there was a monster in my house and I couldn’t get the help I desperately needed. This is the most scared I have ever felt in my life. Here is the WhatsApp to my friend an MX attorney:
While I was on the balcony I could hear things escalating inside between Trash and Cesar. I went inside and told Trash to get out of the condo. Over and over again, dozens of times, I stated, “get out of my condo, you are not welcome here”, “get out, I do not want to see you, we have NOTHING to talk about”. “GET OUT and leave me alone”. Trash was enraged — screaming and yelling — telling me that I can’t “steal his condo”; that he was going to have Cesar and myself “taken out by the Goana brothers”. Cesar refrained from responding to Trash’s words and physical assaults and was able to finally push him out of the condo, arms still folded across his chest, just moving Trash slowly towards the door until we could close it.
I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what just happened.
Trash finally left but took the door lock with him:
Trash stole the door lock — there was now no way to keep this door shut or locked.
The condo community also had security, but from what I could see in the Ring doorbell recordings, they were just standing around — not asking him to leave, not escorting him away, nothing (another story for another time).
Trash Was Not Done – He Came Back at 7:15pm
I was shaking with fear. Cesar could see it, I’m sure he was also scared but he didn’t show it. He stood at the door for hours.. And thank god that he did, because Trash came back for a second round.
At 7:15pm that same night, Trash came back up to the condo (How Princesa security allowed this is a story for another time). Trash beat on the door, tried to push his way in again. He shouted obscenities to the both of us….luckily Cesar was able to hold the door closed. Here is the Ring Doorbell recording on YouTube of how enraged he is, how entitled he feels to something he does not own or has not paid a dime for. Below is the WhatsApp communications with my friends and MX attorney during the breakin:
Trash finally left on his own…. and at 7:45pm the police finally arrived to take a report (Puerto Penasco Report # (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify).
This should never have happened. I had alerted the HOA of the issues and had warned them, on a daily basis, that I was in fear of Trash and that something bad was going to happen. When it did indeed happen, nothing was done about it (story for another time).
A couple of things stood out to me after the police left:
There was food all over the floor — As it turns out, Trash had brought Thai food (my favorite) . This person cheated on me, actively deceived me, broke into my AZ Chandler home, had been stalking/harassing me for weeks. He knew I was not interested in anything he had to say, now or ever. Actions speak louder than words, his actions spoke volumes. So bringing Thai food and thinking we were going to sit down like old friends to “talk” is/was absolutely delusional.
As women, we are never safe. Men protect men — Trash probably paid the Princesa security guys a few bucks and somehow they looked the other way. There is one guard who was helpful — Alvaro. He kept telling Trash that “she doesn’t want to talk to you, leave her alone”. I will be forever grateful for his help. He is my favorite security guard. He gets it.
Trash is well known in the community. He owns a directTV install business in Mexico… He has access to the roof and other private spaces of houses and communities throughout town. I learned afterwards that during this incident, that sometime between 6:15 and 7:15pm, Trash asked Security for the building roof key — he told them he wanted access to the roof so he climb onto my balcony and get into my condo through the patio door. Security did not give him a key. What kind of lunatic thinks like this? Which makes me think that I was indeed close to death that night — no joke.
I will do a separate post about how the Princesa HOA and Board were well aware that this would happen… and did nothing to stop it, and as a matter of fact, they made it worse by turning the Police away 3 times!
As mentioned above, I have a few more details to add that need to be a part of their own story…. But for now, this is a lot to for me share and for you consume. It’s taken me a week to recover from writing about the first home invasion – Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1— this break-in was so much worse, as I did think, and still do think, that if Cesar had NOT been in the condo with me, I would be dead or severely injured.
Lessons learned —
I do not believe women are safe — ever. Maybe I’ve watched too much Forensic Files, Law & Order, Snapped, whatever…. .. the court/judicial system is NOT set up to protect us. So in 2023 I am going to take self defense courses and learn how to protect myself. Fuck (sorry for my language mom) these men who think the can intimidate and abuse women. You come after me in 2023 — I will take you down myself. Be prepared to lose your eyeballs and be humiliated that a 5’2″ 115 pound woman kicked your ass.
The justice and court systems work at a snails pace — there is zero sense of urgency. I would love to see a system where victims/survivors were protected and given the same benefit of the doubt as the perpetrator/offender. Not sure where I can contribute here, I’m open to ideas and suggestions.
I’m forever grateful that I have money to hire attorneys to help me navigate this insanity and for the friends that support me 100000% . I can’t imagine how overwhelming this process would be for single moms, less privileged folks, or women who have become isolated due to controlling partners (see Maid on Netflix).
I am grateful for the Order of Protection here in the states (see US Order of Protection Upheld). I have been told by my Mexico attorney that it is almost impossible to get an OOP in MX, so I just have to be vigilant while in Mexico make sure I am never alone, always with friends, and I let the Princesa Security team know my whereabouts at all times.
Last but not least, the Puerto Penasco police report and the Ring doorbell videos recordings were evidence enough for Verizon to transfer my number back into my own account. Story here — How I Got My Phone Number Back From My Ex.
Answers to the questions friends & family are asking me.
I am a nice person. It’s my nature to see the good in all people. I trust people and take them at their word. I assume people are like me — honest, kind, compassionate, empathetic, etc..
When someone tells me they are at work, I believe them. I believe it because that is what I am doing. When someone tells me they are “just a friend”, I believe them. Because I mean it when I say it — I tell the truth, I don’t hide things. And when in a committed relationship, I am as transparent as possible.
I thought Tiny Trash was like me — kind, sincere, in love with me, and wanted the same things in a long-term committed relationship. Obviously I would NOT have turned my world upside down if I didn’t believe this. I was invested and I showed it through my actions:
All the time and money to fly back and forth between Salt Lake City Utah and Rocky Point Mexico for the first 6 months
The purchase of a house in Chandler to be closer to him
Moving to Rocky Point Mexico in December to live with him
Help him raise his 13 year old wayward son for 6 months
and finally, the selling of my home in Salt Lake City Utah so we could be together forever
The demise of the relationship and the way it ended sits entirely on Trash’s shoulders. He found me, a good girl, mirrored me to get what he wanted. Based on all the research I’ve done, it’s his MO — His behavior with me is consistent with his past 3 girlfriends AND his ex-wife (story to come).
The truth is, the person he presented to me is not who he is. He is a conman, sociopath, and a narcissist. He played a long con-game and I simply did not see it. I never new narcissists existed, so I was blindsided when it ended.
At first I was ashamed, embarrassed that I was so gullible, that I didn’t suspect a thing until August 24th. A good friend of mine said “Don’t make it your problem. He is at fault.” This made me feel a lot better about the situation, and has given me the strength to share my story in hopes that others become aware that there are monsters on this planet and you need to be very careful.
I have spent the last 4 months now (to the day), researching and learning all about Narcissism and how this could have happened to me. This Medium article by Myla MorningstarThe Covert Narcissist’s Wish List: 10 Traits of the Ideal Victim does a great job explaining how I was a perfect target.
So here is what I have learned / come to grips with over these last 4 months:
The person Trash presented to me never existed; he was mirroring me to get what he wanted.
That what I thought we shared was not real (real to me, not to him).
He lied to me about everything; he never blocked his ex, Lola (they remained friends and even slept together while we were in a committed relationship).
That he used my trust in him to have multiple affairs and hookups; we were never in a committed relationship in his mind.
All I did was love someone, truly, deeply, and trusted that what he told me was true. This does not make me a bad person nor is it something to be ashamed of. And I will not change who I am because of this experience. I will continue to be loving, trusting, empathic and compassionate. But what I will do, moving forward, is:
I will not reveal my past and/or my future desires too early in a relationship. By sharing too much, Trash learned how to manipulate me and personify the partner I was looking for. TikTok’s mentalhealness a self-aware narcissist spells it out here: First Meeting a Narcissist
I will not date anyone who only has female “friends”. Especially if these female “friends” are disrespectful to me, us, and/or our relationship. Great Tiktok by coryskolnik explains it well: What narcissists mean when they say “she is just a friend”.
Knowing what I know now has given me the closure I need to move on from this brutal life lesson. Outside of a few more stories that need to be shared, I will focus on my future, move past this, and start living my life again.
Thank you all for reading and please share this with any friends or family that you think may be involved with a narcissist. I wished someone had let me know sooner, because finding out on my own has been a very painful experience.
Narcissists have a grandiose sense of entitlement — They think the world owes them and they will steal, lie, cheat to get what they feel should be theirs. True to his character, Trash is a thief.
So what has been stolen? Basically everything of worth. Trash left some of his used furniture for me to dispose of (story for another time), and took all the items of value, which of course where mine.
This story will just be about the artwork ,which totals about $6,300. This is artwork that I purchased while living in Salt Lake City, Utah. I moved it to Chandler on Aug. 17th 2022 and hung it up over the weekend of August 20th with my best friend Katie. The other stolen items will be new stories (its a series peeps!).
Trash took my things not because he liked it; the opposite, he didn’t like it. He made of fun of it. But he knew that I love it, that it took me a long time to curate the collection. And that is why he stole it — because I loved it.
Here is just some of the items, displayed beautifully at my home in Salt Lake City, UT. You can see all of the items he stole here.
Pictures of some of the Stolen Items
Trash told the police that he made the purchases while we were in business together. Which of course is not true. As of now the Police will not do anything — it has to be resolved in Civil Court (story for another day).
I know where some of the artwork is — it’s at Nurse NincomPoop’s (Nurse N’Poop for short) house. As I am not 100% sure as I do not have video evidence, but would wager that the other items such as patio furniture, outdoor umbrellas and cafe lights, the locks, the wifi enabled landscape timer, etc. are all there as well. What a sweet fella to give his new girlfriend stolen items.
How do I know? Because Trash thinks he is above the law and posted pictures of it on Facebook. You bet I submitted the information the police. What did he do? Posted a joke Facebook Story about art… You can watch it here.
I have named Nurse N’Poop in the supplemental reports as a person in possession of stolen goods.
Below is the proof I submitted to the Chandler Police.
Set of Two Prints — Neutral Modern Art
Trash has been posting Facebook Stories and the stolen artwork is clearly hanging up at N’Poop’s house.
First supplemental report filed with the Chandler AZ Police # (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). The evidence came from a Story Trash posted on Facebook. Full video here.
Artwork at my SLC UT home vs. at Nurse N’Poop’s house:
And the receipt for the art, I purchased, in October of 2021 —
Wait, there is more.
One of a Kind — Paris Street Scene
I purchased this in 2010 while visiting a friend in Paris. It’s one-of-a-kind / irreplaceable. He was dumb enough to post another video with more of my artwork hanging up at the new girlfriend’s house.
Second supplemental report filed with the Chandler AZ Police # (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). The evidence came from a Facebook Story Trash posted. I do not have the full video.
Artwork at my SLC UT home vs. my artwork at Nurse N’Poop’s house:
So, what have I learned from this experience?
That a narcissist believes that what is yours is theirs; your stuff now equals their stuff and their stuff still equals their stuff . Such a huge sense of entitlement. I mean he didn’t just steal from me, he stole from the previous ex Lola – stories here: Lola and here: I met the ex girlfriend — she is NOT crazy; she is absolutely lovely . He also stole from Betsy, I found the items after clearing the house out after the eviction. Apparently it’s just the way they are – Spiritualwhistleblower on TikTok speaks the truth here.
That the police are pretty much useless in these situations. I can prove that we were not in business together, that these items were purchased by me with my credit card, some of them before I met Trash. They don’t care.
The court system is set up for criminals to crime. I’m convinced the hoops a victim/survivor is required to jump through is means to discourage them to push forward and fight for what they deserve — Justice.
I have filed a Civil Suit — for fraud/deception (for lying about the funds for the condo) , theft (my art (this article) and other stuff), as well as damage done to the Chandler house (more on this later). I will not give up until what is mine is returned to me.
The Ex knows how to game the system – the system lets criminals keep on crime-ing.
(Image credit: Shutterstock)
So today, Monday January 23rd 2023, I filed a police report for credit card fraud. Chandler AZ police report (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). This is the story of how my Ex, Tiny Trash, began using a Credit Card he was no longer authorized to use 16 days AFTER we broke up.
Let me make this perfectly clear — I own 3 Short Term Rentals (STR). I created an LLC in 2018 to manage these rentals for tax purposes. Trash is in no way associated to the LLC nor is he on any deed of these properties.
He offered, as a boyfriend, to be the primary contact for one of my properties located in Chandler AZ. All other properties are managed by property managers. He offered — he said he wasn’t busy and could do it, and I mistakenly accepted. Because he was the main contact for this property, I gave him access to my credit cards. The purpose was to purchase items for the rental property only.
Trash had access to two of my credit cards (account numbers no longer active):
card ending in 7767, a personal credit card I used for business management until early 2022.
card ending in 4757, a business credit card, associated to the LLC I used to support my STR business. Created in early 2022.
Once I created the small business account with Bank of America that was directly tied to my LLC, I switched from using 7767 and began using 4757. This happened early 2022. I got a credit card in Trash’s name so that he could purchase materials needed to sustain a short term rental, i.e. shampoo, conditioner, toilet paper, etc..
I deactivated Tiny Trash’s business credit card (ending in 4757) on Aug 24th 2022 when I found out he was living with his new girlfriend Nurse Nincompoop (NN for short). He of course was livid. Once he knew it was over — that I wasn’t buying his lies, he began using the first card he had access to. I thought he gave the credit card back, but clearly he did not.
We broke up on August 24th 2022. He began using the card ending in 7767 on September 8th 2022. I did not realize this until I received the statement. There should have been ZERO charges on the card as I had migrated to the credit card associated with my business (ending in 4757) and the personal card (7767) was dormant.
Somehow Trash still had the card. And he began using it in September 2022, mere weeks after we broke up. By Sept. 16th 2022, he had charged a total of $1057.62 to the card. When I learned of the charges, I filed a credit card fraud case with Bank of America:
He clearly made charges for gas, Amazon purchases, and even tried to hire a lawyer — Cardis Law Group — I assume to help him fight the eviction case I started on Sept. 8th 2022 (story here: The Eviction Process).
Ultimately Bank of America found all these charges fraudulent.
Given this confirmation from Bank of America, I filed a Police Report with the Chandler AZ police department (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). I filed the report with Officer Swanson. He took the report then called Trash to get his side. Officer Swanson called me back and stated that Trash did admit to making the charges stating that the card had his name on it. That’s some kind of logic isn’t it???
Officer Swanson told me that because Trash did indeed have a card with his name on it, these charges to not meet the criteria for Credit Card fraud (like the DirectTV fraud does). So again, this has to be dealt with in Civil Court (along with all the stolen items They Steal What You Love — Part 1).
So once again, Trash gets away with NOT being held accountable in the criminal court system. It is ridiculous to me that conmen like this continue to get away with this — theft, fraud, active deception, and breach of trust/contract. Again, I go back to my experience that the system is set up for criminals to crime. Nothing more, nothing less.
The laws need to change. If there is anyone out there that knows how to change the laws and needs an advocate for why changes are needed, reach out to me. I will stand with you. These criminals need to be held accountable.
Lessons learned:
NEVER mix business and personal. I will never ever again give access to my credit cards to anyone else. I will manage everything myself. If I begin to feel overwhelmed, I will sell a property or hire someone to help. Period.
Always cancel credit cards you are not using. I did not do this because there were still some monthly charges that Trash was supposed to transition to the new card. He did not. I should have taken care of this.
At the end of the day, I will never be too busy with work and my side hustle to not protect myself. I will never trust a partner to do the right thing. I will make sure that I take care of anything and everything. Because at the end of the day, this is my livelihood.
On January 31st, 2023, I received a call from Bank of America. Trash had wire transferred money into my account from his Wells Fargo account and it was flagged as fraudulent. Bank of America was calling me to get my approval to return the funds. Of course I said yes. The agent that called me did not have details on why the transfer was marked as fraud, and gave me the Bank Of America business account fraud department number (1–800–729–9437 option 2,3,3)to call to get more details. (Case # redacted as to not reveal my identify).
So today, Feb. 3rd 2023, I called Bank of America Business checking Fraud department to get more details about the wire fraud.
Here is the timeline:
1/19/23 — Trash wire transferred $3500 from his Wells Fargo account to my BofA business checking account. Here are the details from my Bank of America statement:
1/30/23 — Trash then called his bank (Wells Fargo) and reported wire fraud on the transaction that HE INITIATED. Bank of America has the following note from Wells Fargo (the remitter): “Please return payment per fraud”.
1/31/23 — My bank, Bank of America, called me and told me the transfer had been flagged as fraud and was seeking my approval to return funds. Of course I gave permission and the funds were returned the very same day. Here are the details from my Bank of America statement:
What in the sand hill is going on? Why would he do this? And what is the significance of the dates January 19th and 30th 2023? Was he trying to hide money? Was he trying to set me up as perpetuating wire fraud? He has not reported this to the police as no officer has called me from Gilbert Police to seek an explanation.
But for now, be very very very aware that retaliation is real — they will do whatever the can to hurt you. I have reported this incident to my Lawyer as well as the Chandler police (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify).
If anyone has been through this and can explain the significance of doing this, please comment. I just have no idea why someone would do this 5 months post-breakup.
(Photo from the paradise fires, if you know the photographer please reach out, happy to give them credit). I found this photo searching for “scorched earth”.
This year, at best, has been difficult. My heart still aches with loss.
You see, in mid-January, my second week on the new job, @AbFab decided that I was no longer a participant in her family. She said, via text and email, a lot of very selfish and hateful things. The end result is she disowned her side of the family. I understand why she would want to sever ties with her mother. I also understand why she was so angry with her grandparents (my parents)… but for me? I’ve done nothing but be an advocate for her AND her family. I have no idea where the hate and anger came from… but she wrote things that she cannot take back (She would not speak me on the phone so all her venom was spewed via text and email).
In the dark of night, she picked up and moved most of her family to another state. She left me hanging financially and emotionally – which she said I deserved, because I “owed her” for transgressions yet to be fully explained. In addition to leaving me very financially vulnerable, she abandoned her oldest daughter @Mayonaise with her father, who is a horrible, terrible person. My heart breaks everyday knowing this little girl has little to no chance of success given her surroundings. All you have to do is watch 60 Days In to see what kind of person he is – @Mayonaise’s dad is a career druggie/criminal. Has spent his entire life stealing from others, has been in and out of jail forever. Has never paid child support and is always scamming someone. Don’t even get me started on the Juvenile justice system that allows a person like this to have custody of a child. If they cared for the best interest of kids, this man would never be allowed to look at a child, much less be allowed to let one live with him. Ask me about how his pedophile uncle exposed himself to the kids multiple times and he did nothing about it, when he was forced to report it, Child Protective Services did nothing about it. Any kid not born of two well-to-do parents is fucked.
@AbFabs revelation could not have come at a worst time for me – I was two weeks into my new job. I’m doing my best to hold it together, living out of a suitcase at a friends house during the week while my cats lived with a friend because I had just been scammed out of an apartment (paid $7k for 3 months).. So instead of being all set up for my new job, I was stressed about a roof over my head for myself and the cats. I was miserable to say the least.
Then, Jan. 25th – the barrage of nasty texts from @Abfab. No warning, Just venom. Shocked me to my core. My entire world was turned upside down. I had to cut away from work to get a new phone number (we were on a family plan that they kicked me off of)… hate spewing from my phone, going off like fireworks. @Abfab felt entitled to say whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted with no regard for anyone else. Somehow she was the victim…
This was 7 months ago. I have been so distraught, barely able to get myself to work every day, living in a fog. I have slowly come to terms with the situation, and am just now sharing this news with friends. Yep- my heart is broken – the situation weighs heavily on me. I feel now much like I did after my divorce… Who am I? What do I care about? How do I give my life meaning? I do not know the answers to these questions. This situation has changed me – I am not myself anymore. Once again, I’m trying to figure my shit out.
So for now I am doing my level best to get up and go to work everyday; to get work done so I can continue to collect a paycheck. As soon as this stops feeling like a chore I’ll incorporate other self care activities into my daily regimen.
This is probably enough news for one blog post.
I’ll post more later.
I hope all is well on your end and that 2019 has treated you well.
(Photo from the paradise fires, if you know the photographer please reach out, happy to give them credit). I found this photo searching for “scorched earth”.
Paula's Ponderings 