Do you ever have that feeling? That you are watching yourself live life from the outside? I feel like I’m outside my body, watching myself from above, “live” life. And I put live in quotes because I’m not living right now, I’m just getting by. I struggle to get up in the morning. When I do, I get ready – barely. I do bathe or shower most days, but I rarely wear makeup. I don’t put on my nice clothes – why? I do finally make it to work or get to my tasks on the weekends.. but barely. At work I can focus on most tasks, but it feels like it takes much longer than normal. Then I go home at night, get into my pajamas and do nothing. I am watching a bunch of series on Netflix and Amazon, I’m just home.
All this time, I’m doing nothing, my mind is spinning. spinning and spinning on everything. I cant stop it unless I’m sleeping or high (I just got my medicinal marijuana license). As I’m doing all this “living”, I’m outside myself, watching over, screaming at myself to get off my ass and get going.
So I know I need to get up, get going, and do the things that will turn life around for me. But I don’t do them. It’s been going on for a while now, and I have to wonder why I haven’t pulled out of this funk or why I am sabotaging myself.
Have you ever felt this way – that you know what you need to do, but you continue down the same path, not moving forward.. ? How did you get out of it?