Thoughts & Experiences

Not Just Your Regular Monday.

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Today was a tough Monday.  I have a lot to do at work, and 2 fewer days to get it done in – I’m taking vacation this week to visit family in Utah.   Knowing I had a lot to do, I went to bed early on Sunday evening.  And I never would have expected the Monday that I had.

First,  the cats were up very early this morning.  They were running around, chasing something.  I wanted to sleep so I put my eye pillow on and ear plugs in my ears….  and when I woke up at 7am, this is what I almost killed myeslf to NOT smash into the carpet.  Yes, you see correctly, a dead mouse. Apparently its been licked clean and was delivered at the foot of my bed with pride. 

It’s obvious it was  a great gift if soley based on the efforts of the two furry creatures that brought such a treasure to me.  The cats were exhausted from all their efforts.. here they are, sleeping. They did not stir once while I was getting ready for work.  Not at all.  They usually get up, get a bite to eat, then like to say good-bye to me.  Nope, not this morning.  It was as if they were saying “take your present, now keep it down”.

I went off to work without so much as a kiss, a lick, a look.  😦   Work was work, I’m learing a lot.  Its starting too feel not so overwhelming.  But like I’ve stated numerous times, there is a lot of work.  I end up working a bit late and eating a bag of chips for dinner.  I got home, fed the cats, got into my jammies, and started working again.

Spider In the HallwayIts been about 30 minutes, and the cats have just come into the house with another ‘prize’.  Alive.  They are/were chasing it around the house…  the poor thing has hidden itself somewhere safely and they are stalking it…. waiting for it to feel safe enough to come out, then WHAM!  In addition to this nonsense, the spiders are coming out (Spring/Summer in CA). To your left is what I found in the hallway, on my way to bed.  Yes, that is a QUARTER under the spider.  The thing is enormous.  I do not believe in killing anything, so the damn thing is still in the hall.  I’ve closed the bedroom door…. fingers crossed that it stays where it is now and doesn’t travel any closer to me…

So with a day like today, I’m going to hit the sack, and wish for a better, less active, furry day.  I need to get a good nights sleep – I have a LOT of work to do/finish up tomorrow!!

The Cat Cave.

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So, I’ve been far too busy with work AND most recently with alergies/sinuses.  All very unpleasant to talk about, so I’ve spent the last few weeks alone (because I’m not that intersting company these days).

Given this, I’ve enjoyed my “cave”. My cave is my entire home (since I don’t have to share).   We all know about this, the cave, the spot, the one place we can call our own, that we can be ourselves in.  Prior to my divorce, it was the guest room (otherwise known as the “red couch room”).  Now I have the whole house to myself.  🙂

The cats have also had the run of the house, but even though they are allowed in every room, I think they also want a place place they call home.  Its under a rose bush in the backyard.  They love hanging out there – it gives them privacy but also views of the “goings on” in the neighborhood.  

I noticed the cats love for this spot, as did a friend of mine.  Before his departure, he made sure that the cats would have room to rest in their “cat cave”…   I didn’t realize how nice it is FOR ME for the cats to have this space.. a place to call their own, a place I find them on a daily basis.  Attached is a picture of Zoey enjoying the shade of the roses on a warm summer day.

Work has been especially tough lately, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of how lucky I am that a) there is a safe spot for the cats to call their own, and b) that I have friend that made it all happen without me asking.  What a treasure.

Work Is Tough Work.

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God, I’m exhausted.  I’ve been thinking 5 full days a week for 4 full weeks.  I cannot believe that I actually signed up for this.  But I did, so I’m going to stick it out.  Here are the things I love:

  • The People. They are awesome. I’ve still not met a not-nice or politically motivated person. Everyone seems sincerely interested in the best interest of the company.
  • The Supporting Technology.  The new company has the best supporting software… for example, they use WebEx and not LiveMeeting. I cannot tell you how much easier this makes remote meetings.  From creating a meeting, joining a meeting, giving and taking presenter mode, and most of all, performance.  It truly is remarkable how much easier this makes my job.
  • Internal Systems.  Wow, what a difference. They use Fidelity for 401k, SalesForce.com for managing opportunities (customers, prospects, etc)… honestly, this makes taking care of business, personal and business so much easier.

These are just the little things that make a huge difference in my day to day life.  And it matters to me because I want to spend my time making money, not doing house-keeping…

I’m exhausted and I’m heading to bed soon.   Tonight is the first night that I’ve not worked… .I’m having a cocktail and watching recorded TV shows from the last 4 weeks (who doesn’t love 30 Rock, the Office, and Family Guy?).  I’m heading to bed in a few minutes…. exhausted but smiling.  And tomorrow I KNOW I have a full day of work… I have meetings until 5pm.. who would have thunk that this Paula would work a full Friday???

A Perfect Evening.

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So, I’m sitting outside, enjoying a beautiful sunset on my patio. I have a small patio off my dining room that has a small table, two chairs, and a few plants that a friend helped me plant.  The cats are sharing a chair, keeping each other warm  and happy.  I’m in the other chair, typing away, having a cocktail, and enjoying a gorgeous evening outside.

I live on a busy corner but traffic had died down. I’m having a cocktail to smooth out the tough (but not really that tough, more draining) day of trying to understand the ins-and-outs of a new software application.  My mind is spent in the sense that I could not have an intelligent conversation right now about anything, but not too spent to talk to my favorite folks.

My birthday is in a few days, and just like New Years, I take this event as an opportunity to learn more about myself, reshape my life,  direct it down a new path.  I turn 39….   and it feels good.  No, I’m not where I thought I would be, but where I have landed is pretty darn good.  Tonight, it is on a beautiful patio with a job I like, my darling furry feline babies kissing each other, a cocktail in hand,  a smile on my face, and a GREAT bed to fall into.  

So, tonight I toast myself, my little ladies, and my friends – for making my new life as great as it is.

If she were “your own”.

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Really?  Does a person that says this really feel that love  would feel differently if I had bore a child, delivered one out of my loin?  That because I didn’t haven’t physically given birth I’m truly unable to love a kid completely and unconditionally??

I just arrived home after an evening out with friends and friends of friends.  At my age, its common to get the “you don’t have kids?”..”wow, you are really missing out on something.” comments.   However, tonight was the night that it just pissed me off.    So, last night, when talking with a wife of a good friend of one of my best friends, I lost it.  My response was not what the wife or I expected. 

Honesly, I just fundamentally do not understand it –  why do people think “carrying and delivering” is a measure of love, and why in the world, would they think they are superior because they’ve done both (this assumes they love their kid)… It just doesn’t make any sense. So those folks who adopt kids dont know true love?   Its very flawed to think that the love for a child, the aspiration for a better life  for the kid, the US, the world CANNO be at the same depth as someone who physically delivers a kid.  I call bullshit. 

Shame on society and/or people who feel they are superior because they have ‘had’ kids.  IMO, just because they have had sex and produced offspring and are quite possibly only temporarily together (divorce rate is 50%+ these days),  they feel more deserviing of credit than the rest of us. 

SO tonight was the last night I just nodded  my head and look like I’m agreeing with the statement.  Its bullshit and I’m going to call you on it.  If you want to approach  me with the “you dont know…..” story, I’m going to give you an earfull.  It will start with a “You are dillusional”…. “pull your head out of your ass”…  “so love for a child is measured on child birth? … what about all those folks that adopt?”  

There is something to be said for those of us who who love kids that are already on this planet like one of our own.

So, while the rest of you explain to me why the love I feel for my neice is “different” because I didn’t give birth to her, I’m booking my ticket home to see “my kid”, her family, and visit the place I call home.

It’s Just You?.

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“It’s Just You?

This is the question I get from everyone who comes over to my house. The  house I rent.  I absolutely love the house I live in – Its a gorgeous, 1800 sq ft, 3bdr-1bath Craftsman home in the Barrio.  I am, for all intensive purposes, the whitest person you will meet. Not only do I have zero color,  I do NOT speak Spanish (as hard as I might try, its no good… someday I will share a couple of stories on my attempts….).   I am not the norm in the neighborhood, I already ‘stick out’ if you will.  So, its not odd that I get a question or two about where  I live, how I live, etc, its the reaction I recieved this evening that I found particularly interesting.

So, this evening was a girls get-together. I’m lucky that I have such great girlfriends in my life, and we meet on a fairly regular basis, about once every 3 months.  There are always 6-8 of us, and of course, we all love to catch up with the “goings-on” in each others’ lives.  Honestly, I’m so lucky to know ladies like these…

Anyway, I get home this evening and a car is blocking my driveway.  Not in a 6 -12 inches past the curb, but literally, a car (White older model Toyota Celica) in the full length of my driveway.  Tonight was the night I lost it, pushed to the end, where my patience with humanity ended (for the time being).   I called the police to have the car towed (which I don’t like to do – IMO public servants are here for emergency purposes, not for domestice disturbances/disputes).  Now, since I live in the barrio, I often let it ride… let it slide… don’t make a big deal about it because I do not want to be ‘tagged’, wake up with grafiti on my fence, or worse yet, be tagged for a criminal act (rape, burglury, etc.).

SIDENOTE: Zoey just came in with weeds, slugs, and grass all over her.  She has obviously had a good time rolling about the yard this evening.

SIDENOTE 2:  Tow-truck is here. I can see the flashing lights and hear the engine working to back up to get a good position…  oohhh, I can hear the tow truck guy talking to the cop, they are friends… yeah for me, someone is looking out for me. Two strangers, yes, but better than nobody!

Back to the point of this story. I call the police because I’ve reached the breaking point -I cannot pull into my driveway.. and I pay a lot of money to live in the house  IN the Barrio.  Cop shows up almost immediately…  and asks me, no less than 3 times… “Its just you?  Just you? Are you sure its just you?”..  I say yes, I rent the house, no family in the basement… yes, my driveway…  yes, i called.. no, there is no family members in the basement..”.. on and on.  I bring this up because he has got to be the 100th person to ask me, “It’s just you?”…   My first response for quite some time  was, “well, me and the cats”, but that didn’t work well.  Answering with a simple “Yes” is the best choice… .

Why is it so strange that a single woman with two cats live in a house (vs. a condo) by herself?  Yes, the house has more space than I need, but its not like I had much choice. I would love to rent a 2bdr, 1ba home… they just are few and far between.  And I’m glad I have a 3bdr – I have an office (which I use as paper storage mostly) and a guest room for all the friends and family that come and stay with me.  I love when people visit me, so I do love having the space for them to feel comfortable, spread out in.

Now that I’m reading my own post, I realize that I’ve not really made a point here (and the tow truck is still outside so I think I’m really just trying to look busy).  I guess if I have to make a point, my point is, Single people have rights too, and sometimes those rights include living in a house that may appear like a lot of space, but that is o.k..  It is just me.  And the cats.  And we deserve to live fabulously.

The New Job.

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 So, 3 full days into the new job, and so far so good.   Even after my 3rd day of getting up early, showering, getting dressed, and driving into work,  I’m still doing it with a smile on my face.  For me, this is proof positive that I’ve made the right decision. 

I have been learning about a whole new market segment as well as learning the ups and downs of the new products I will become intimately familiar with.  Its all very exciting and manageable.  And I can see how I can make money doing it.  Thats what I need, money, so I can by a little piece of California real estate.

So far, here is what I’m loving about the new company:

  • The People. All of the folks I’ve met so far are so nice.  Must be a requirement to work here…  This was the hardest part about leaving my old job…  Loved my co-workers.
  • The Company.  They fundamentally believe that their people are the most valuable asset and they back this up with great benefits and opportunity.  May seem small, but matching 401K and good health benefits make a big difference to me.
  • That I Get It.  That I understand what the products are about, the problems they are solving.  Product is pretty easy to learn and demo – ramp up time is one month. 
  • Learning Something New.  I’m learning a whole new market and industry.  Very cool.
  • Last but not least, Opportunity.  There is so much opportunity at this new company – they are growing in a healthy, defined way.  They are profitable. They have a healthy pipeline.  It’s mine to ruin.  I know I can make something happen for me…. my destiny is in my hands.

There is one bad thing about it though… the cats are very disappointed that I’m not home to take care of them.  They have been very needy when I have been home.  As a matter of fact, I’m typing this post up with a cat sprawled across my lap, one paw on the keyboard.  They like to eat at 4pm, I’ve not been home until after 6pm every night.  And I’m so tired that I’ve been eating dinner and then heading to bed… no going out for happy hours, much less drinking, but no exercise.

I will have to learn to find a balance – to make sure that I take care of myself and that the cats adjust…

A New Life.

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Wow, I’m sitting in my bed right now, realizing that life as I know it is going to end. Waking up at 7:55am, rolling into the home office at 8am for a call in my PJ’s is not going to happen for quite a while ….  ( I know, I know, anyone that knows me KNOWS that these are very generous timeframes)..

I now have a job that requires me to be in an office at 9am ish on a daily basis.  This is a BIG DEAL.  I honestly do NOT know how I’m going to deal with this… let alone how its going to effect the cats.  What are we all going to do at 6:3o am on Monday?  Shock and awe is what we all are going to experience.

BTW, do a quick search on new job, and here is an article you will get:  http://careerplanning.about.com/cs/firstjob/a/new_job.htm  I love it.  “Fitting In” and “What to Wear”.  If this is what my new colleagues are worried about, they are in quite a shocker.  These are not my issues.   God help anyone that interferes with me tommorrow before 10am (is that nice to say on the eve of my new job??).

Lordy lordy….. how am I going to do it?  8am IN THE OFFICE?  Go to bed now is key.  Good night yo’ll.

Making Progress.

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 This is a New Years Resolution update as well as a personal progress report.

I’m happy to share that I’ve lost 3 lbs to date. I know its not much, and I dont think you would really notice, but I’m happy the scale is moving in a downward direction. I’ve been able to accomplish this by adding additional workouts into my existing diet and exercise routine. I’ve signed up for a personal trainer for one hour a week (2 30 minute sessions twice a week). The trainer kicks my butt… and its working. I’m working on losing 7 more lbs before my birthday, which is in 1 month. Wish me luck!

I start my new job next week. I’m very excited about it. I think there is a lot of opportunity at my new company, and it feels good to feel so positive and energized about going to work. Given this, I’m chalking this up as the right change at the right time. All goodness.

On the financial front, I’m almost done with my taxes, and am working on getting pre-approved for a mortgage… I may not make the leap into home ownership just yet (I do live in CA, I think the market has not bottomed out), but it is helping me get my financial house in order. I like that.

Lastly, I’ve cut back on the booze. I know, I know, the folks that saw me at my local watering hole on Friday might not agree, but when I’m home alone, I’m not drinking nearly as much. As a matter of fact, I’ve had almost zero to drink since Sunday – which is unusual for me. Yes, I’ve been traveling and staying with family, but the big change for me is that I don’t miss it. Yes, I am looking forward to a glass (or two) of wine tonight with dinner, but I don’t have to have it, which is what I was concerned about (the need vs. the want). I attribute this change in large part to my new years resolution to NOT take a final-final cocktail to bed with me. A small behavioral change that has had a relatively big impact in my life.

So, things are moving forward. Slowly, but with purpose. Captain of my ship…. moving in a new and different direction. That, my friends, is progress in my book.

Lucky To Be Alive.

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I’m in Utah now, spending a few days with family.  I am here to work on purchasing another rental property, however, this trip’s purpose has taken another turn….   I am now here to see my niece.

She and her husband were in an accident on Friday night.  They were driving along a rural road in the evening, and came across a group of cows. They slowed down, but one of the cows moved out in front of the car and they were unable to stop – They hit the cow head on.  The cow flew over their car.  My niece and her husband are alive and well for the most part.  the cow, is dead.

Events like this make you realize that life is so short.  Sometimes we have just a brush with Death… and hopefully use these events to think about our lives, and how lucky we are to be alive.  This accident could have had a very different and disastrous outcome. We, the family, feel so lucky that it ONLY produced a totaled car, a dead cow, and a few injuries, back and foot and some facial lacerations, that will heal.   This is why I will be out of pocket tomorrow – I’m going to see my niece and do my best to take care of her, even if its just for a day.

I cannot wait to see her. I’ll take a few pictures – I hear her face is black and blue from hitting the airbag.  Better than it would have looked had her head hit the windshield I’m sure.

I’ll report later… out.