Author: PaulasPonderings

Pleasant Surprises.

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So, life is full of surprises. A very good surprise happened to me this evening – I got a call from an old friend.  It is simple: someone I really really like, thought about me and took action to give me a call… Not only did it put the biggest smile on my face, my mood lightened, my heart sang (oh yes it did!!). 

I’ve been thinking too much lately, been in a funk if you will (the woe is me type of feeling). Usually when I’m in this kind of mood,  I pacify myself by telling myself (over and over and over again) how lucky I am to: be alive, not be living in Afghanistan, have all my limbs, have an education, money in the bank, etc.. There is a lot to be grateful for is the point, I get it.

But tonight, like I said, I got a surprise call from a friend, a friend that I absolutely adore. Someone who is too modest and tells me all the reasons I shoudn’t adore them, which, of course, makes me adore them all the more. There are very few people in this world that I would drop everything for and/or do anything for…. (after all, I am Paula and IT IS ALL ABOUT ME), this is one of those friends. 

This surprise call happened over an hour ago, and I still cant stop smiling..  which brings me to the topic of this entry: Pleansant Surprises.  Isn’t this what life is really about?

Life goes on, its a matter of fact, it just does (unless, of course, you are dead). You are either living or dead.  But what makes life worth living?  Yes, I know, people will say (you might even say) money, a great house, kids… all trappings of what “life” is supposed to be about, what has been defined as “a successful life”.    But, I do think, after you lose everything you think you wanted you realize that life is made up of experiences… moments in time, which can be good and bad (although I think we all prefer the good)… and when good things happen, even if it is as simple as a phone call from a friend, this is the treasure of life.

I’m not sure what happened to me (although I’m sure my family and friends do!), but its no longer about things.  I am perging things like there is no tomorrow… somewhere in this seperation/divorce mess, I’ve learned to detach myself from the “things” in my life and become not attached, but so appreciative of the small things that bring meaning to my life.

I love my friends, and I love that they not only think of me, but that they take the time to reach out to me… it means a lot.

So, if you have a friend that you think about often but have not talked to in a while, take the time this holiday season to reach out to them.  It means a lot, for the both of you. Could be a renewed connection, an estranged family member,  or someone that had a great impact/influence in your life.  Just do it – take the first step, be the bigger person, and make it happen – reach out and connect with your fellow human being.  And maybe, just maybe, your friend is reading this blog entry, and they give you a call!  If they do, embrace them, cherish their effort, and enjoy the fact that someone out there is thinking about you.

Alright, yes, I will stop drinking the red nectar of the gods and go to bed.  I hope my point has been made and you all get off your duffs and DO SOMETHING.

🙂

What the F*???

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Who buys these?  https://www.obamacoins.tv/flare/next

Seriously, this country is in the financial toilet, who spends any $$, even if its just $10, to purchase this piece of shit?  Who??

Ever Forward.

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So I called the husband called today (He called me last night, but I didn’t hear the phone…   I called back, not knowing what he wanted…..).  We spoke this morning, had the small talk that most people do (how are you, how are the XX -in our case the cats, etc), then he hit me with the D-bomb.

 

Not only has he thought about it, he has acted on it. He has contact a person who can help with a “collaborative divorce”.  It’s an interesting concept –  Its for those who have reached an agreement and only need to complete and file the paperwork.  Apparently it’s a very simple and a reasonbly priced initative (we both were frugal).  But as I listen to all the reasons why we want to go this route, I think there are two things to consider:

  • Financial Divorce
  • Emotional Divorce

For whatever reason, we’ve been able to work thru the financial aspect of the seperation as well as a experienced sailor passes thru high winds on the carribean…   its the “other”, emotional stuff that is important, less structured, and the most painful.   The emotional divorce — forces you to think about the rest of your life  — where do I land, what do I do, how do I do it, etc.. The shock comes from the reality of it, that the tides have turnd.  I am no longer married, I am now “seperated” or “divorced”.  The soon-to-be-ex seems to have been able to navigate these rough seas much more gracefully than I have….. On one side, good for him, but on the other, less mature side, I think, fuck him (can I say/type this??)…. . 

 

Oh, and as I type this, I’m watching a TLC show about a man who is a tree – http://www.discoverychannel.co.uk/web/my-shocking-story/previous-episodes/half-man-half-tree/  what a dumbass I am for being so selfish and self-absorbed….  I have use of my limbs  and am able to work…  how LUCKY am I?

Lost and Not Found.

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Hello all.

So its been a while since I’ve written on my newly formed blog. I think about it daily, but as Randy Travis croons about, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

 

So, I didnt want to write unless I had “figured my shit out”… well, I’m not sure if this will ever happen (after all, I am Paula).  Have any of you ever had a period of time in your life where you just don’t know what the hell is going on or what you’re doing? When you feel completely lost? Not necessarily hopeless, but lost?

 

I’ve been very busy this year, dealing with “storms” if you will, finding a job, dealing with a seperation/divorce, finding a place to live, making sure the cats are happy (you have kids, I have cats, pets are the same as kids… they need taking care of).  Anyway, Its much easier to focus on goals when you are firced to focus on them, when there isn’t much choice (going to college, getting a job, parents becoming ill/incapacitated, etc).  I’m now learning that the hardest storm to weather is the storm I create for myself. Let me explain.

 

I’m now unpacking my worldly posessions in a rental property that really decided on me (based on availability).  Given this, we (me and the cats) have adjusted.  But for me, this has been challenging….its not my own, I want it to be… but it just isn’t.  So I’m dealing with not having things go my way, but really, thats the half of it.  The real challenge for me is trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life; HOW do I want to live the rest of my life? 

In some ways, I feel like I’ve been given a second chance, in others, I feel like I’ve disabled myself (to divorce, wanting/wishing to have “it all”).   Which is it?  Only time will tell.  I do feel lost.  I do not know which way to turn.  Will it be a situation that determines my path; such as losing a job? A family emergency?  These are easy things… what is hard is making the decision that changes my life in the direction I want to go,  taking ownership of my path forward.    I do know that something has to change, and I do think thats its only a matter of time before something happens; before the road reveals itself, and/or I chose a path to crawl/walk/run down….  

 The real question is, will I recognize the right direction for me?  Will it be obvious, or will I have to “dig for it”, like a B rate star shopping at a 2nd hand store for a Gucci bag?   Only time will tell.

My First Time……

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all those dirty minds out there… nothing juicy here, its just my first time posting to my blog.   Gotcha.  🙂

Next, a note, or rather, more of a warning.  I am completely sober right now, which will most likely NOT be the case when I post future thoughts.  Consider yourself forwarned and read at your own risk.

So, where am I and what am I doing?  I’m in Dallas, along with my work cohorts, learning all about our new corporate strategy.  It may sound like a lot of fun (for those who dont do business travel), but I liken it to the Iran Hostage crisis….  I am now on the 4th day of living, eating, drinking, etc. 24 hours a day with the same 50+ people….  I do love my co-workers (they created this blog for me… they love me too!! They really really do!!), AND if I have to be stuck somewhere with people, I would pick these folks… well most of them anyway (you know who you are)… 😉

But that is neither here nor there.  Its really about what I would do If I got these 4 days back.  This is the important question.  As I ponder the thought, I think about being back in Italy, drinking wine, eating great food, and looking at beautiful people…   I will give this some more thought and get back to you.

Have a happy day!!