New Year’s resolutions aren’t just words on paper for me; they’re a promise to myself to steer my life in the direction I choose. I firmly believe that I am the captain of my own ship, responsible for charting my course through life.
Navigating The Storm
The past two years, 2022 and 2023, were a tumultuous journey. Discovering that my boyfriend was leading a double life shattered my world. Dealing with the ensuing violence, harassment, and smear campaign left me drained and exhausted. When faced with the decision to settle the civil suit, it was a tough call. I wanted Trash to be finally be held accountable for what he did. I believed strongly that I would win. While a huge part of me yearned for justice, the emotional toll of having my past haunt me was unbearable. But the toll/weight of having Trash in the backgound of my life was no longer serving me.
Choosing Peace Over Justice
Ultimately, I chose to settle. I also made a conscious decision to focus on peace, gratitude, and self-care. Last year was both financially and emotionally draining. But the lessons I’m taking away from my experience are invaluable. As I step into 2024, my goals are clear:
Practice self-care and kindness towards myself.
Find something to be grateful for every day.
Embrace simplicity.
Avoid drama at all costs.
Four months into the new year, my perspective has transformed. My life is on an upward trajectory, filled with real smiles, hearty laughs, and newfound friendships that uplift me. I feel like the confident, self-assured person I was before the piece of human garbage entered my life.
Unexpected Blessings
As my energy shifted, the universe responded in kind.
First, when Trash sold the home Mexico home we lived in, the home was sold with items he stole from me. I never thought I’d get them back. However, the new owners found out about the situation and returned some belongings that Trash had taken. I was able to get rid of the cheap shit Trash put in the Mexican condo and replace it with my nice leather couches and expensive work desk. While not everything was recovered, It was their kindness that has restored my faith in humanity.
Second, I landed a new job with a European-based company known for valuing its employees. My manager and mentor are inspiring women who empower me. The remote nature of the job allows me to continue living anywhere I want while offering the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world. I am so grateful to have the freedom to live my life on my terms.
Rediscovering My Passions
Travel. Last year I felt so overwhelmed by the mere thought of travel. Not anymore – I now eagerly embrace the adventures awaiting me. This year I will attending a friend’s wedding in Portland, yachting in the Mediterranean Sea, and basking in the sun in Cabo San Lucas. My travel plans are brimming with excitement. Traveling has transformed from a daunting task into an adventure I look forward to.
Crafting. My love for crafting has also reignited. Whether it’s small trinkets or intricate projects, the joy of creating unique pieces fills me with joy. I’m thrilled to dive back into crafting and craft more one-of-a-kind treasures.
Cooking. My passion for cooking faded away in 2022. I didn’t have the drive or ambition to do it. I didn’t feel like eating either – which worked out well for a while until I lost too much weight. However, that spark has returned with a vengeance. I relish searching for recipes, shopping for fresh ingredients—especially here in Mexico—and whipping up delightful meals to share with friends. While I don’t cook as frequently as before given my parents are no longer around the corner to test/savor my creations, the joy of cooking has returned, making each meal a special occasion.
Reconnecting with Loved Ones
After spending 2022 and 2023 in self-imposed isolation, I’m reconnecting with old friends and rebuilding the cherished relationships that were temporarily set aside due to feeling so overwhelmed. I recognize now how essential these connections are to my well-being.
This year, I’m making a conscious effort to reach out to the people who matter most to me, reigniting bonds that time and distance had strained. Additionally, I’m prioritizing spending quality time with my parents, cherishing moments that were once taken for granted.
In a serendipitous twist, the universe reunited me with my youngest sister. After two decades of no contact, she reached out, and I couldn’t be more grateful. We’ve been catching up, and it’s been a joy getting to know her all over again.
A New Chapter Begins
As I reflect on my journey, it’s evident that removing toxic influences and focusing on self-care, gratitude, and minimal drama have been transformative. I’ve rediscovered passions, rebuilt cherished relationships, and embraced new opportunities that align with my values and aspirations. Heading into the rest of 2024, I am optimistic and excited about the possibilities that lie ahead, confident in my ability to navigate life’s challenges with resilience, grace, and joy.
Ever faced a storm of betrayal so fierce that it led you to the doors of justice? I have! As you know I filed a Civil Suit against Trash, but there is not a “one stop shop” post that speaks directly to the what and why of it all. This post is my journey through the twists and turns of this legal battle in my pursuit for justice and restitution.
In December of 2022, I initiated a Civil Suit for Fraud and Theft, thrusting myself into a legal battle that sought to unveil the deceit that defined my relationship with Trash. The case encapsulated three critical elements:
Fraud. His deception extended beyond mere betrayal, involving a sham down payment for a condo in Mexico. As the relationship unraveled, he clung to ill-gotten gains, refusing to return a substantial $130k deposit or remove his name from the condo contract.
Theft. The fallout of our breakup extended beyond emotional scars, manifesting as the unlawful pilfering of over $12,000 worth of my belongings from my Arizona home. Seeking justice meant not just reclaiming possessions but also recovering from the emotional toll.
Punitive damages. Lies and deception became the architect of my major life decisions. The court, I believed, would recognize the gravity of the deception and award punitive damages.
The year 2023 became a battleground where justice was sought through the civil court system. In my quest for resolution, this post is divided into several digestible sections, each unraveling a distinct aspect of the tumultuous journey:
In the aftermath of discovering Trash’s betrayal, I faced a stark choice: to walk away or confront the storm of deceit head-on. The path of least resistance was clear—he could have spared us both the agony and financial burden by doing the right thing. The simple and most reasonable solution was for him to remove his name from the Mexico condo contract, return what he stole (part 1 – art, part 2 – household goods) and reimbursing me for expenses I would not have otherwise incurred had he just been honest with me about what he wanted. Alas, simplicity was not in his playbook.
All I did was walk away, seeking solace in the aftermath of lies, deception, and betrayal. I wanted nothing more than to sever ties and move on, leaving Trash to navigate his newfound ‘happily ever after” with is new “soulmate” Nurse N’Poop. Yet, he opted for a more tumultuous route, dragging us both into the throes of a legal battle costing tens of thousands of dollars.
The timeline tells the tale:
August 2022: The shattering discovery of deception led to my decision to part ways, documented in raw and emotional posts here and here.
September 2022: Trash’s transgressions escalated as he forcibly entered my Arizona home, leaving a trail of theft amounting to over $22,000.
October 2022: Legal intervention became imperative, leading to his eviction and a judgment for $11,053.00 in damages.
November 2022: Seeking protection from his actions, I secured an Order of Protection, accompanied by a judgment for Legal Fees totaling $3,932.50.
December 2022: Despite every opportunity to do right, Trash refused to return the $130k loan for the Mexico Condo, leaving me no choice but to file a civil suit.
My sole recourse became the legal system—a decision not made lightly but driven by the necessity to safeguard my assets and reclaim what was rightfully mine. Late in December 2022, I initiated the Civil Suit, embarking on a journey to reclaim not only possessions but a some semblance of justice in the wake of deception.
Read more about Civil Suits and the Arizona legal system here.
The Process – Preparing for Trial
Let me just start and say that civil suits take fooorrreeevvveeerrrr. Years. The journey through the legal process was a labyrinthine expedition, marked by hurdles and unforeseen challenges. There are 6 major steps in any civil suit:
When I filed and Trash was notified, the case was sent to the court. Steps 3 and 4 is what I went through in 2023.
The first was collecting and preparing all the documentation for Discovery of Evidence- This phase is where I submit evidence to support my claim and Trash submits evidence to dispute my claim. When Trash did submit his response, he basically perjured himself by creating the fabricated invoice to “make up” for the $130k he owed me for the Mexican Condo. I provided evidence that his invoice was a fake – This should have been the time that his lawyer fired him as a client.
During the Discovery phase is also when people can be subpoenaed for depositions. My lawyer and I were planning on both subpoenaing Nurse N’Poop for testimony re: their relationship (dates and times were critical in my case) AND knowledge of the stolen items AS WELL AS modifying the lawsuit to include Nurse N’Poop as a Defendant because I could prove she was in possession of stolen goods. That’s right, Trash furnished Nurse N’Poops house with MY (and Lola’s) stuff. If she didn’t know already, she was about to become VERY AWARE that her house is furnished with ex-girlfriends’ belongings.
Attempt At Settlement – It was clear after receiving this invoice that we were going to trial. But with the civil suit exceeding $200k, mediation is a mandatory step. Yet, the wheels of justice turned agonizingly slow – mediation was scheduled 4 months after discovery and almost a year after the initial filing – scheduled for November 3rd 2023.
2023 was a tough year – I was literally just trying to keep my head above water:
Juggling Responsibilities: Balancing a demanding full-time job while grappling with the intricacies of the legal battle demanded resilience. Each day brought a new set of challenges that required both mental and emotional fortitude.
Collecting the Arsenal: Spare moments were transformed into a relentless pursuit of documentation. Armed with evidence, I aimed to bolster my case and prove the validity of my claims. The meticulous compilation of information was both a necessity and a strategic move in the legal chess game.
The Constant Harassment and Bullying: The aftermath of the breakup manifested in relentless harassment and systematic bullying orchestrated by Trash. In a blatant violation of the US Order of Protection, my existence was haunted by a series of confrontations and hostilities.
Surviving a Year of Harassment and Turmoil:
Wire Fraud: 2023 kicked off with a bout of wire fraud in January.
Dealing with DirecTV, Chandler Police, and the Arizona District Attorney: Navigating the intricate webs of communication with DirecTV, local law enforcement, and the Arizona District Attorney consumed the the entire year, focusing on issues of identity theft.
Dealing with the Bank re: Credit Card Fraud: The struggle extended into the financial realm, with the need to untangle the web of credit card fraud, an ordeal that persisted from January through June.
AirBnB Woes: The harassment only continued… in July Trash falsely reported my AirBnb Mexican Condo listing as a fraudulent. Everyone knows that AirBnB customer service is horrific… it was soooo painful to get my condo listing reactivated. I never did get the cancelled reservations back, losing income because of Trash’s actions.
As the calendar finally turned to November 3rd, 2023, and the mediation session loomed, I found myself at the crossroads of exhaustion and determination, clear on what I wanted from all of this – I wanted what was rightfully mine and I wanted peace.
The Outcome – Closing This Chapter
The much-anticipated mediation session unfolded throughout November 2023 – a lengthy process that spanned three weeks and involved a staggering 26 hours of mediation, with the mediator charging $600 per hour($15,600 in total). This financial investment, coupled with my own lawyers legal fees, marked a substantial cost for seeking resolution.
The negotiation was a battlefield in itself, with approximately 6 hours dedicated to discussions about the condo, return of stolen items and financial reimbursement for legal fees, replacement items, and repairs for the damage Trash did to my home . However, a significant chunk—20 hours—was spent on negotiating the terms of what I could and could not reveal about the settlement. It was a surreal that the main component of the settlement involved silencing my voice, as Trash aimed to shield friends and the public from the truth so he could continue to lie, cheat, and steal without consequence.
I am NOT able to speak about the terms of the settlement, only that a settlement has been reached. The finalization of everything came in early January 2024, and the court record show the case was officially dismissed on February 8th 2024.
The question is —am I content with the outcome?
The truth is both yes and no.
Yes – The resolution brings me some joy and satisfaction as I achieved a paramount goal: putting an end to this ugly chapter in my life. As 2023 ended, I wanted to step into the new year unburdened by the shadows of harassment, bullying, and intimidation. I had a very strong case, with significant evidence to back up my claims, but at the end of the day, the case would have drug on for another 1-2 years. I did NOT want that. Thus, I made the decision to settle, not out of contentment but out of a fervent desire to sever all ties from Trash and the past.
No – because at the end of the day, Trash and men like him are never held accountable for their actions. They continue to hurt people, steal things, and never face the consequences for their actions.
Entering 2024, I carry the scars of this legal battle, but the mess is finally behind me. In the upcoming posts, I will delve into my plans for the year— I want nothing to do with Trash, so unless he acts up and does something stupid, there will be no more posts about him and the past. My focus is to thrive in 2024. Stay tuned for more on this journey towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding after the storm.
The Civil Suit Components
Fraud, Theft, and Punitive Damages were the crux of the civil suit. See details of each below.
Fraud
Protecting a Dream, Unveiling Deceit
The centerpiece of the legal battle was my cherished condo in Mexico. To shield this prized possession, I took two crucial steps:
Order of Possession in Mexico: A strategic move to secure my rights over the condo, which proved successful in the legal arena: MX Order of Possession Update
Fraud Civil Suit in the USA (Arizona): A decision born out of necessity as negotiations with an injured Narcissist is not possible. The resolution would have to be settled in a court of law – aka the Civil Suit (settlement reached, this post).
The Condo: A Broken Agreement
Trash and I embarked on a shared venture, a 50-50 partnership in a Mexican condo, envisaging mutual investment and shared responsibilities. However, the reality deviated dramatically:
Offer Made, Agreement Broken: The agreement to evenly split costs and returns took a sharp turn a day before closing, thrusting me into an unexpected financial quandary.
Extortion Unveiled: Post-breakup, seeking the return of the $130k loan was met with laughter and an audacious demand for $150k cash, a stark act of extortion.
Proving Fraud: Unveiling the Lies
Confidence in my case surged when I uncovered a critical piece of evidence during the arduous task of removing Trash’s belongings from my home after the eviction:
The Unseen Paper: A 2021 Summary Statement from Trash’s stock account, dated January 2022, became the linchpin of the fraud case. With a mere $91k, not the required $130k, it laid bare the intentional deception.
Serving Justice with His Own Documents: Trash’s stock account became the key instrument of justice. The very document he left behind was now the linchpin to expose the financial falsehoods.
This paper, a single document, stood as a testament to his clear intention to deceive me – which is clearly fraud:
His initial statements during the purchase process were false and misleading.
Trash made the statements KNOWING it was false and misleading.
His statements led me to enter into the transaction.
I have suffered harm as the result of his misrepresentation.
Trash stock account w/o enough $$ to pay for his 1/2 of the condo.
NOTE I would have thrown everything out after the eviction was complete, but my lawyer said the courts would look favorably upon me returning “items of meaning” to him. So I had to go through all of his shit, including boxes and boxes of documentation that he left at my house after the eviction… It was a horrible task to do at that time. But I did it and found multiple pieces of documentation that would support my case. Trash is too lazy to take his stuff, but fully capable of stealing my stuff. Serves him right that his very own stuff be used against him in court.
Theft
In the aftermath of the breakup, the betrayal extended beyond the confines of our relationship. While squatting in my Chandler home, Trash engaged in a brazen act of theft, leaving an indelible mark on my personal space and well-being. If the criminal courts were not going to hold him accountable, I was going to do it via the civil court system. Trash was nothing but a criminal and I wanted it called out in the civil case so that he could be prosecuted.
The Pilfered Art and Priceless Memories
Artwork: Among the stolen treasures were pieces of artwork, each carrying its own story and sentimental value. The loss transcended mere monetary worth, striking at the heart of cherished memories and personal expression. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal What You Love — Part 1.
Daily Essentials and Critical Items
Anything and Everything that was mine. The theft extended to everyday household items. Again, he left his items at my house and instead chose to steal all my stuff. Items including furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, short term rental supplies such as cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, etc. and more. NONE of which he paid for. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal Whatever They Want – Part 2.
Each item I had paid for. And I was forced to repurchase everything, forcing me to suspend renting the home until I could get it back to a rentable condition, thus significantly impacting me financially.
Punitive Damages
The repercussions of Trash’s deceit transcended financial losses; they reshaped the very fabric of my and my parents life. Each decision based on his lies altered the course of our lives in ways we could never have foreseen.
The Domino Effect of Deception
Selling the Salt Lake City House: At a crucial juncture when decisions were being made based on a shared future, the sale of my Salt Lake City house unfolded under the shadow of deception. I would NEVER have sold my home had I known about his new girlfriend, his affair with Lola, or any of his other affair partners (FWB – Friends with Benefits girls, random girls he picked up and f*&ked). I would have just left Mexico, gone back home to Salt Lake City, and let that be the end.. The sheer fact that he deceived me when making the decision to sell in May, receiving and accepting the offer in June, then closing in late July… NOT ONCE did he mention that he didn’t want to be with me, that he had acquired a new girlfriend, that he was still sleeping with his ex Lola, etc. This level of deceit should be illegal and he should pay for the consequences of his deception.
Relocation to Arizona: The plan was to move permanently to Mexico, a decision WE CAME TO TOGETHER, grounded in the belief of a shared future, never materialized. Instead, I ended up moving to Arizona into the home I purchased sight unseen as a short-term-rental. I never wanted to live in Arizona…. But here I am, living in a state I have yet to fall in love with, where I had ZERO friends…. being forced to “start fresh” in a location that was not of my choosing. The only reason I am in Arizona is because of Trash’s active and calculated deceit, which he should pay for.
The Unraveling of Plans
Parental Displacement: The decision to uproot their lives was not just a physical relocation but a separation from the familiar, fun get-togethers we had on a weekly basis. In all honesty, I feel he stole from me the ability to be close to my family. We both now live in places, many states away, and are only able to see each other once or twice a year, vs. weekly. I miss them so much, it is heart-breaking.
The Sale of the St. George Condo: The decision to part with a beautiful condo in St. George, Utah, was not just a financial transaction. It symbolized the relinquishing of dreams and the surrender of a cherished sanctuary in exchange for creating a shared future with Trash. My parents and I loved this condo, we were there quite often…. but it didn’t “fit” within the plans Trash and I had made, so I/we made the decision to sell. Mind you, while we discussed this, he was still having sex with his ex, Lola. The betrayal and deceit was organized, planned, and intentional.
The Price Beyond Dollars
Beyond the tangible financial losses, the toll on our emotional well-being was immeasurable. The weight of decisions made under false pretenses is something I felt the court and/or jury would see and agree – thereby rewarding punitive damages in the $100’s of thousands of dollars.
As I sought punitive damages in the civil suit, it was not merely a pursuit of reparation for financial losses but a quest for acknowledgment of the profound impact on lives, relationships, and the very essence of what home and family mean to me.
Life Beyond the Settlement
Entering 2024, scars of the legal battle remain, but the mess is behind me. In upcoming posts, the focus of this blog will be about living and thriving in 2024, leaving Trash and the past behind me. The journey continues towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding myself, my savings account after the horrible storm.
Join me on this journey as we turn the page, closing this chapter and embracing a new chapter full of hope, joy, travel, and fun with family and friends.
I was speaking to a friend of mine, who also dated a man who took advantage of her financially. She bought a house and hired him as a contractor to work on the home. She paid him $$ to do this work. He also lived with her, in the home, rent free. When they broke up, she gave him time to move out of the house. He declined to move out. He hired a lawyer and sued her for 1/2 of the house that SHE BOUGHT with her money. So he was NOT on on the title/deed or mortgage, had not contributed a dime to the home, was NOT paying rent, WAS receiving compensation for his work. How did it work out? She ended up having to pay him off – she paid $60k to get him to slither out of her life. Imagine that – a guy wants to use the court system to get what he think he is rightfully owed, when he put NOTHING into the asset. I feel for my friend.
After this conversation, and in preparation for my civil suit, I put together a financial impact statement to better understand the financial impact of dating Trash for 16 months. The amount? $127,311.93. Everything here has a receipt to back it up. This ONLY includes money associated with his deceit beginning June 2023.
Let’s go through each category shall we?
Business Interference
I have lost income directly due to Trash’s actions. This includes:
10.14.22 – I had to cancel a short term booking at the AZ Chandler house because I was in the middle of the eviction process resulting in a loss of $ 1,430.62.
Trash called/emailed AirBnB in late July 2023 (almost a year post breakup) and reported my Mexico B509 Condo as fraudulent / duplicate. AirBnB cancelled all the reservations. There were two at the time:
7.29.23 – 2 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 579.69.
8.18.23 – 8 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 1,460.64.
His actions have consequences – it’s called Tortious Interference. AirBnb has admitted that he did this. We will be amending the Civil Suit to include damages for his interference.
Repairs
Repairs include anything and everything that I had to REPAIR after he broke into my AZ Chandler House and MX Condo. What did he damage/steal:
damaged the Jandy pool filtering system,
he stole the WIFI enabled landscape timer, which had to be replaced and installed
The door between the garage and laundry room that had to be replaced, installed, etc
The $$ for the locksmiths to change the locks 2x!
The replacement and installation of outdoor lighting and cameras he stole
He stole two industrial / commercial grade hoses
The replacement of Ring doorbells and keyless entry door locks
Fraud
NOTE, I was reimbursed by the credit card company, but the total loss for just fraudulent credit card charges is $6,941.56 ($5,883.94 + $1057.62). I filed 2 police reports with Chandler police, one for each card.
Business Credit Card (4757) – $5,883.94. This is the total amount he charged on my card without authorization between June 29th – August 25 2022. He was using my business credit card to entertain other women, including Lola and Nurse N’Poop, purchasing stuff on Amazon, purchasing gas for his truck, taking people out… He had the audacity to purchase new AC units for the Mexico house, on my credit card on August 15th 2022. So starts dating Nurse N’Poop in June 2022 and has the balls to charge $2,069.00 worth of assets on my business card for his house!
This is not just me calling it fraud. I filed a fraud claim with Bank of America – they agreed with me and credited my account.
Personal Credit Card (7767) – $1,057.62 . When I cut him off from the business card, he began using ANOTHER card, 7767, to charge things. So in the first few weeks of September 2022, he racked up $1057.62 in fraudulent charges. I did not know he still had the card, he was supposed to cut it up/not use it. He didn’t use it for many months – only AFTER he was cut off from the business card did he start using the personal credit card. Meaning he did it with purpose, he knew what he was doing. Details of this are in a previous post – Credit Card Fraud — Part 1 . Bank of America agreed this was fraud and credited my account for all the charges.
Theft
$32,601.67. This is what I can account for – meaning I have the receipts of the original purchase or cash withdrawl/transfer. Yes, I poured through credit card statements and purchase websites (Amazon, Overstock, etc). It include 3 primary areas:
$22,591.59 – Replacement of all items he stole from both the AZ Chandler home and the MX B509 Condo.
$6,010.08 – My money that he stole from the safe in the MX house. It was reimbursement of the charges Trash put on my credit card. He purchased a bunch of TV’s and alcholol for bars in MX on my card – he said he forgot his card in MX and asked if he could use my card. I said yes. Once he installed them and was paid, he gave me the money, which I put in the safe. I checked that the money was there before we left town on June 20th 2022. The money was in the safe. I had contemplated taking it with me, but chose not too, as it’s expensive to withdraw USD from an ATM in Mexico. When I went to get my things from the MX house in September 2022, he had taken all the money. We are the only two that knew the code to the safe – so it was definitely him who stole it.
$4000 – Money I gave to him to give the the MX RV Painter that he spent elsewhere. When I returned to MX in September 2022 to get my things, the RV guy was livid that he hadn’t been paid and threatened to sell the RV if he was not paid. I had to scramble around for 2 days to get enough cash to pay the painter so he didn’t sell the RV. Luckily I was able to VENMO money to friends that were headed to MX and get the money to the painter before he sold the RV.
Deception
$35,469.87 – yes, this is a doozy. This is split into the following categories:
Category
Amount
Notes
Car Rental
$1,127.37
When Trash left Kanab for MX, I had to rent a car to get around and get to SLC.
Move
$7,482.08
This is the cost of the move from SLC to Arizona and the cost to move furniture from my rentals to Arizona to replace items Trash had stolen from the AZ Chandler house.
Audi Repairs / Enhancements
$1,211.49
I thought the Audi was mine, so I paid for new tires and added a hitch to the vehicle so I could tow my trailer from SLC to MX. I clearly would NOT have done this if I thought that a) the car was not mine, or b) that he was with someone else.
Lost Income
$14,230.00
I had to take a month of unpaid leave to deal with his violence and shenanigans post-breakup.
MX Kitchen Remodel*
$11,418.93
This is the money I either paid to Trash directly to pay the contractor OR money I paid, on my credit card for supplies.
I want to point out that the MX Kitchen remodel, we agreed to each pay 50%. He told me that the total was going to be $16,000. After we broke up, the contractor told me the total cost of the MX Kitchen remodel was $8,000. You got that right – he lied to me about the total cost of the remodel so that I would pay it all.
Also note, that we were NOT supposed to start the remodel until I returned, but he insisted we start it before I left. I was not comfortable with this, but I didn’t stick to my guns on it. So he had already been communicating and hanging out with the new GF when we went to the hardware store and purchased $2,595.52 worth of supplies (6/14/22 and 6/20/22).
The kitchen remodel story should be a post all on its own, it is so deceptive and egregious.
$40,000.00+ – legal fees I’ve incurred since filing the civil suit to protect myself against Trash. Money I would NEVER have had to spend had he done the right thing.
Lessons Learned
I have learned so much about myself in this fiasco.
I was obviously far too trusting with my money. It just never occurred to me that a significant other would be so deceptive and actually steal from the person that they claim to love.
I also came to the realization that I didn’t think I had anything to steal. I never thought of myself as wealthy, of possessing the kind of money that would make me a target for conmen like Trash.
I now know that I am lucky, that I do have funds that people want to steal/take and/or feel entitled to. Moving forward, in any relationship, here is my course of action:
NOT share my financial state with anyone.
Give access to my credit cards or business accounts to anyone, ever.
I will NEVER invest in another persons property/asset. If you want me to invest, put me on title.
Simplify my life so that I do not “forget” how much cash I give someone. Or better yet, take responsibility for MY STUFF, never counting on someone to own a project (RV, House Remodel, etc) on my behalf.
Reduce the amount of properties I have so I can manage them by myself, without help from a significant other.
Be careful out there peeps. It’s a dangerous world.
This is by far one of the hardest posts I’ve written. It’s about a boy, that I knew for a year, lived with for almost 6 months. This boy is Tiny Trash’s youngest son – a confused, hurt teen that just wanted to be loved and accepted by his father. I will call him Gabe in this post.
I hope you are doing well and getting the therapy you need to understand that what happened to you was not your fault. You are not to blame. You did not deserve it. You did not ask for it. You should not be silenced. You do not have to pretend like nothing happened.
Nobody has the right to violate you. You are not responsible for what happened to you. You are not damaged goods. You were supposed to be treated with dignity and respect. You were the victim of severe abuse and it was wrong.
I tried to protect you the best I could but I see clearly now how much I failed you. I tried to guide you with positive re-enforcement. Tried to connect with you by doing things with you, i.e. cooking your mothers dishes, grocery shopping, walks on the beach collecting shells, even our drives to/from school were times I enjoyed with you. But that wasn’t enough. You needed someone to remove you from the situation. What I should have done is put you in the car and taken you back to your mother. I did think about it, but we didn’t have a car that would make the drive. Instead, I stayed “the f*&k out of it” just like your father told me to do.
Yes, you did some rotten things. But that does NOT mean you deserved any of the abuse.
I want you to know that I finally spoke up. I called your lawyer and DCS and told them that you were telling the truth. Your father did taser you and that I have the taser. I know it’s a late, and I should have done more sooner. For this I am ashamed and something I have to live with.
You have been traumatized in the worst way possible: physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by your own father. Please do not let this define you or your future. Please tell your story to the right therapists, get the help you need to work past this and become the intelligent, funny, and goofy kid you are.
I hope to see you again someday, give you a hug, and see for myself that you are doing well.
Sincerely, Paula
History
I moved to Mexico on December 23rd 2021 to live with Tiny Trash. His two sons were visiting… however, the youngest son was acting out and not respecting his mother (who lives and works in Arizona), so the two of them – Tiny Trash and the ex-wife – decided that it would be best for Gabe to stay in Mexico and live with his father.
This was tough on me – I didn’t get a say in the decision. I moved to Mexico to be with Tiny Trash, we were finally going to be together (we had been doing long distance 8 months). We had made plans to live our best lives together. Our goal was to work for 4 more years and retire on rental income from our combined 5 properties (2 of his (Princesa Condo and Mirador Townhouse), 3 of mine (Chandler AZ, SLC and Kanab UT). Thinking like this made me feel incredibly selfish. On the other hand, I thought I had an opportunity to help this teen…. So I embraced the new situation and did my level best to take care of this troubled teen.
Now looking back on it, I think he used my compassion and empathy for troubled teens as a weapon against his ex-wife. In hindsight, I’m guessing she did not “agree” to the arrangement but it was forced upon her.
How It Started
After Christmas, Trash and I went to the local school to register Gabe. He had to gather his son’s school records from the USA in order for Gabe to attend. Trash picked CIMA High School because as we understood it, they taught classes in both English and Spanish. It turned out that this was not the case. Gabe did not do well while physically attending classes (he didn’t know Spanish, and more importantly he refused to learn it), so the school offered us the opportunity to have Gabe attend classes remotely, from home, and Trash paid for a tutor to sit with him to translate. The tutor was amazing…. but alas it did not work out because Gabe had zero intention of learning Spanish or being successful. It’s as if he wanted to fail to hurt his father.
During all of this, I was the one who spent the most time with Gabe. I was the one who drove him to school and picked him up everyday. I was the one that he spent the day with when he was learning from home. I was the one that sat with him at the kitchen table, everyday, to make sure he was attending online classes and doing his homework. I was the one actively engaged in his life, attempting to help this kid through a really rough part of his life.
What Life Was Like
While Gabe was under our care, Trash’s schedule did not change. He “went to work” (which we all now know was a lie) and I cared for his son. I took care of him, watched him, mentored him, tutored him, etc.. Taking care of a teen was not a new experience for me – I got legal custody of my niece when she was 14 – and she lived with me during her high-school years. Because I had done this before, I thought that Trash and I were meant to be together – He needed someone just like me to support him during this difficult time. Now I realize that Trash was just dumping his son off on me so he could continue to live his life, partying, without disruption. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was a just a free babysitter.
So why this letter to Gabe? Because I failed him. I knew bad things were going on … I tried to stop it, but I didn’t. I was in a foreign country, did not speak the language, working full time, and now taking care of a troubled kid who was doing very stupid things. The car we had was barely functional.
So what was going on you ask?
A lot of physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Yes, Gabe was making very poor decisions:
He kept running away. He ran away 4 times, one time we had to put out the equivalent of an Amber Alert in Mexico for him. Mexico is a safe place – I feel safer in Mexico than I do in the USA. But there are bad people EVERYWHERE. Here is this 13 year old boy, thinking he knows everything, running around alone in Mexico. Each time was very very scary.
He was lying. He would tell anyone that would listen that his father sold drugs, that he was part of the cartel, etc. All very dangerous things to say.
He was stealing. He stole money from us multiple times. We had to get a safe and lock our money up. He stole prescription drugs from our room. We had to put locks on our own bedroom door to keep him out.
So yes, we were dealing with a LOT. I handled it by talking with Gabe, trying to teach him to think about his actions, how to think before he speaks, before he acts. Gabe was emotionally immature, was intelligent but not smart. He was also highly manipulative. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and was always scheming. At the time I didn’t see it but I do now – He is a mini-version of his father.
The Abuse
I grew up in a household with violence. I am very sensitive to it. So when Trash would go after his son, I would leave the house. Go to a neighbors and hang out. Trash would come collect me when he was “done”.
How was Trash teaching his son to “obey” him? By yelling at him. Call him derogatory names. Belittle and demean him. Beat him. Taser him. Yep, Trash had purchased a taser in the US and used it on his son on an almost daily basis. I remember, many times, walking away from the house, hearing Gabe scream from the pain.
Trash would joke with people that he tasered his son. When NO ONE found it funny, he stopped talking about it, but the abuse never stopped.
When I went to the house to collect my stuff in early September 2022, I went to the safe to get my $6000. My money was NOT in in my purse in the safe, but the taser was. He took my money and replaced it with the taser. Think about that – he took my purse out of the safe, removed the money and put the taser in its place. Here it is:
What Happened Next
I took the taser with me. I was not able to go back to the USA until Trash was evicted on October 17th 2022. I had to file for my own order of protection given all the violence he unleashed on me. I know what he was capable of so I was not taking any chances. Trash appealed the Order of Protection and lost his appeal on Nov 9th 2022.
Once I was safe, my number one concern was that Gabe get the help he needed to process what happened to him. This was super important to me. I know that when I got my niece at 14, she was messed up. She continued to make stupid decisions that lead to her running away with a 19 year old meth-head she met on MySpace. She was on a path to self-destruction and she didn’t know it. Her mom and I decided the best thing for her was a lock-down girls school that focused on building self-esteem and CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It was exactly what she needed – she graduated from the program a new kid. Yes, we went to therapy every 2 weeks for years afterwards to stay on track and make sure she was o.k.. My point in sharing this story is that kids can unlearn bad habits and become good kids. My niece is now in her early 30’s and is a fantastic mother, has a great job, and is in school to advance her career. She makes good decisions for herself and her family. I wanted this for Gabe.
So I called DCS – Dept. of Child Safety in AZ. I was told to speak with Holly Roberts…. I spoke to her once. I got the sense that she did not care at all. I shared with her what I am sharing with you now. She said she would call me back with next steps. She never did. Holly told me that Gabe had a lawyer representing him. I called the office of Tiffany Mastin and spoke with Monica Lieske. I shared with her all the above and asked that a) Gabe get the therapy he needs, and b) to pick up the taser. I never heard back from Monica and never received a call from Tiffany.
So the state of Arizona doesn’t care about the kids in their care. If the State of Arizona doesn’t care, then there is nothing more I can do. As much as I want to protect Gabe and help him obtain the counseling he so desperately needs, I have to protect myself. I need to move on from the past and focus on my future. The taser is now the ONLY thing of Trash’s in my house and I want it gone.
Where Is He Now
From what understand, Gabe is living in a group home. He was unmanageable when he returned from Mexico – he started doing drugs, drinking, staying out all night. The kid is 14. His was being abusive towards his mother, not listening to her, so the State took him and placed him in a group home. From what I hear he was not doing well in the group home. My experience with group homes is that the kids just learn more bad habits. I really do not want this for Gabe. I want him to get the help he needs so he can move past the nightmare and learn more productive ways to deal with and heal from his trauma. But as I stated above, if the State of Arizona and Dept. of Child Safety don’t care, there is nothing more I can do.
If you know of a child being abused, report it. Doesn’t mean they will do anything – just watch The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez (on Netflix), but at least you did something. The whole thing is a tragedy really – no one is protecting the kids.
His father has been completely absent in Gabe’s healing/recovery. He actually blames CPS for his sons issues and will not perform any of the activities required to be re-united with his son. It’s really shocking to me that he has not been arrested or charged with a crime – he has abused that boy since he was a little boy. Zero accountability for how his behaviors and actions have caused this kid to be what he is today. I hope that Nurse N’Poop has the strength to NOT let Trash abuse her son.
Narcissists are the most evil human beings on the planet. They do not care about anything or anyone but themselves. They typically live double lives, one with you, and the other full of over-indulging in their vices – sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.. The nex, Tiny Trash, had a double life – To me, he portrayed a man in a committed, loving relationship, full of promise, a future that included travel, early retirement, and marriage….. what I discovered after The Discard is that none of this was real – he was living a double life and was NOT the person he presented to me.
As I write this – a year after we left Mexico to move out of Utah and permanently to Mexico, 10 Months after Discovery Day – August 24th 2022. So much has come out about his double life. It’s still shocks me that any human being is capable of such deceit. I was naive – I had NO IDEA monsters like him existed. Even though HE cheated on me, was sleeping with his Ex, AND had another girlfriend, he became unhinged when I broke up with him:
he is trying to extort money from me (ongoing)- wanting $100k to remove his name from a condo that he didn’t contribute a dime to.
The list goes on and on… I still can’t make sense of it, but I don’t think us normal human beings can ever make sense of someone who behaves and treats people in such a cold, callous, and calculated way.
1 year of chaos. 10 months of insanity. What a roller coaster.
I’m moving forward now. No clear picture what the future looks like for me, I’m still taking life one day at a time. I am not all healed up, I still have a long way to go. But I know, for a fact, that I would NOT be this far along if it were not for my friends, especially Justine, Nadine, and Mary in Mexico. They picked me up off the floor on an daily basis in the early months:
Justine: for the guidance and constant pushes to protect myself and the condo in Mexico. I now have legal possession of MY condo in Mexico. I would NOT have this if it was wasn’t for Justine. She helped me navigate MX processes (who knew that the CFE (electric company) is the MOST IMPORTANT account you could have?).. So many other ways she supported me, all while dealing with Trash and his constant retaliation and harassment against her and her husband.
Nadine: who introduced me to the US legal system as well as narcissism. Her daily reminders to get a lawyer and protect myself. Which I did – the US civil suit was filed in December 2022. Coming to my condo with love, support, and food when I couldn’t get out of bed. Hugs from Nadine are the best.
Mary: who was the shoulder I cried on countless times. She was the safe place for me to be raw and vulnerable. I cried a lot… I was in shock, so numb… Mary helped me get out of the fog and helped me to start feeling my feelings again. She helped me see that I was being too nice, and that getting angry, really angry is a good thing.
I am where I am today because of these ladies. I am forever grateful for their love, support, and guidance. It truly took a team to keep me moving forward in the early days.
In honor of them, I have created a new page dedicated to helping others through their recovery: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse . I don’t want anyone to feel alone or have to navigate the aftermath of such betrayal on their own.
So whats next? Legally I have to protect myself and get back what is rightfully mine. So I have two lawyers helping me navigate the legal system:
Mark Tucker for the USA Civil Suit I filed against Tiny Trash for fraud and deception.
Rogelio Freaner in Mexico re: the Order of Possession for condo that I paid 100% for.
For now, my next step is to compartmentalize my life: Work, Lawsuits, and Healing.
Work: Focus on work so I have a paycheck to pay for lawyers.
Lawsuits: I have so much to do wrt the US Civil suit, so much documentation and evidence needed… I will be sharing more about these suits with you in future posts.
Healing: I’m focusing on learning to trust myself again. I didn’t see this whole thing coming. I thought things were good… I’m trying to figure out why my intuition didn’t scream at me when I needed her most. Send any/all recommended readings my way…
There are a lot of posts in the Facebook Rocky Point / Puerto Penasco community groups offering to set up your streaming services (DirectTV, Hulu, Netflix, etc) for a low low price. Below is an example:
This is a scam. You would not hire and pay another person to set up your Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, Disney+… you certainly DO NOT need to hire someone to set up DirecTV streaming. Do it yourself and save the $$ for an experience such as taking your loved one on a fishing adventure, a fishing excursion, see the whale migration.
This post will walk you through why you do NOT need help setting up streaming your home country’s shows while traveling abroad / staying in our little slice of heaven in Rocky Point / Puerto Penasco Mexico.
SmartTV
Skip this section if you already know what a SmartTV is.
A SmartTV is a TV that is connected to the internet. Your interaction with a Smart TV is through the apps, which are either preinstalled on the TV or can be downloaded from an app store. There are a wide range of apps from which to choose, although not all apps are available to all OS platforms. In addition, the apps might work differently from one platform to the next (i.e. a Amazon Fire TV does not have the same interface as the Roku TV).
You can use these apps on the SmartTV’s to stream videos, listen to music, play games, watch live newscasts, or browse the internet. For example, apps are available from services such as Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, DirecTV Steam, YouTube, HBO Max, and a wide range of others. Although any supported app can be downloaded for free, most require a paid subscription to use the streaming services.
Streaming Services
DirecTV Stream is a streaming service, same as Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Apple TV, etc. that you subscribe to online, pay a monthly fee, download an app, and use the service. Installation of physical equipment is not necessary. You do not call someone and hand over your credit card info to set up Netflix, Hulu and the like in the Unites States. Same in Mexico – You absolutely do not help setting up a streaming service, you can do it yourself. You don’t need to hire some random stranger from a FaceBook group to install a “streaming service”.
WATCH OUT FOR SCAMS: be very wary of anyone offering to help you set up your streaming service. Whatever you do, DO NOT give anyone your credit card or account information – go directly to the source (the streaming service) and set it up. Scams like this are prevalent – I had a DirectTV person steal my credit card number and use it to set up fraudulent accounts. It took a lot of time and energy to report this theft to my bank, DirecTV, and the AZ police department. Not to mention – cancelling the card – waiting for the new one – transfering all auto payments to the new card
All said and done in my case, the guy racked up $6k in unauthorized charges. You do NOT want to go through this. So do NOT give your money or credit card number to anyone.
Now that we have all the warnings out of the way, I’m here to help you set up your VPN (Virtual Private Network) so you can gloriously enjoy your US/Canadian/Italian shows while in Mexico.
DirecTV Streaming
Most of the posts in the Puerto Penasco Facebook groups are offering help with setting up DirecTV streaming service. DirecTV is moving AWAY from their Satellite service and moving their offering to streaming as a way to compete with Netflix, Hulu, Disney, etc.. But most folks that have the old DirecTV Dish are probably not familiar with streaming services in general, and switching from the dish to services may seem scary. It is not. DirecTV Streaming vs. Satellite: What’s the Difference? is a well written article that articulates the difference between the two.
DirecTV Streaming is an app that can be downloaded and is compatible with Amazon Fire TV Stick, Apple TV, Roku, Android TV, Samsung Smart TV, or Chromecast. So basically if you have a Smart TV and/or device, all you have to do is download the DirecTV Stream app and sign in.
I called DirecTV Stream Customer Service (so you don’t have to) to confirm this. If you have multiple locations where you want to stream DirecTV via DirecTV Stream, here are the caveats:
One home will be listed as a Primary Residence. You can enable as many devices as you want at this location. Example, you live in Phoenix Arizona and have 20 TV’s, download the app and watch DirecTV stream on all of them.
The second home (location) can have UP TO 3 devices using DirecTV Stream. Example, you have a home/condo in Puerto Penasco that you frequent and want to watch your shows there too.
What this means to you:
IF you have a primary residence in the States, this will be considered your Primary Home and the DirecTV Streaming service will be “registered” at this location.
If you live full time in Mexico, you will need to have a USA address to use to set up the DirecTV Streaming service/subscription. This will be considered your primary residence. Why? Because DirecTV Stream services are ONLY available in the USA.
Tech Talk: VPN
If you want to watch your USA shows in Mexico, then you will also need to use a VPN (Virtual Private Network). This is true of ALL streaming services – You cannot access USA streaming service content without a USA IP address. And if you are traveling abroad, you need a VPN service to obtain/use a USA IP. A VPN alters your IP address to the server you’re connected to and makes it seem like you’re browsing from within the USA (sneaky I know).
If you try accessing DirecTV Stream without a VPN, you will be prevented from accessing the streaming service. Others streaming services will offer content of the country you are in. For example, if VPN is NOT enabled, Netflix will show you the content available for the country you are in. Every streaming service is a bit different.
Anyway, my point is, you need is a VPN Service to watch DirecTV Stream in Mexico (or wherever you travel to). Here is what you need to do to get USA content via streaming services like DirectTV while you are in Mexico:
Download and install the DirectTV Stream app on your device.
Subscribe, Download and Install a VPN
I recommend NordVPN – I personally have been using it for years and have never have had a problem. I work full time in Mexico and use the NordVPN app on my laptop for work. My condo in Mexico has 3 TV’s: 2 Smart TVs and 1 TV with a Firestick installed. The TV’s and the Firestick have the NordVPN app installed on it. Currently (as of Dec. 2023), when I turn on any TV, I:
first go to the NordVPN app, and connect to a USA Server,
then I go to the streaming service app, i.e. Netflix, Hulu, Prime Video and the content is exactly the same as what I see/watch when I am in the USA.
If you want to go with NordVPN, use my referral link to sign up and get a free month for purchasing a monthly plan OR get 3 months free for a 1-year or 2-year plan purchase. If not, pick any VPN service. Link below gives you a lot of information on the top 3 recommended VPN’s for DirecTV Streaming services (note: NordVPN is on the list).
Install NordVPN on every single device you want to stream services on.
Install NordVPN on a wifi router so all devices that use the wifi network will be protected
Currently I have option 1 setup. I have VPN loaded on 3 TVs, my work laptop, mobile phone, etc.. I have to check each of these devices individually to make sure the VPN is enabled before I go to streaming app to watch something. NordVPN is awesome, sometimes it disconnects if there is a long period of zero usage. This is a god thing.
With this said, I will be moving to option 2 below in early 2024 – installing NordVPN on the router. What this will mean is that any device connected to the wifi router is covered. .
For. me, option 2 is better because all the devices would be connected to the wifi router, and I would not have to go to each TV/device and make sure VPN is on. right now I have 6 machines connected to the VPN: 2 tv’s, my computer, my phone, , with option 2, the do not have to figure out if VPN is running/active on every device. on every device iInstructions for both are included below.
Option 2: Install NordVPN on a Wifi Router
This is a GREAT option IF you find the right router with easy setup. This is the best option for your home as ANY device connected to the Wifi network will be protected and able to stream USA content.
Now that the installs are done, you will follow these steps over and over for every device you want to stream content. Sometimes when I don’t watch TV that much, the VPN will disconnect (to be expected when it’s not active). Same thing happens with all streaming services, i.e. Netflix, Hulu, etc..
Go to the VPN app and log in.
Connect to a VPN server located in the US.
Go to the DirecTV or any other streaming app and log in.
Start watching your shows!
And that is it. You should be logged in with DirecTV and see your USA shows.
As you all know, I filed a Civil Suit # (redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify) in the USA against Trash for fraud, deception, and theft. The premise of the complaint is simple:
He actively deceived me in order to con me into purchasing a condo in Mexico (Stealing My Condo)
He is responsible for damage at my house in Chandler, AZ
He is responsible for all items he stole from me that I had to replace
Last but not least, for the safe return of the items he stole that are NOT replaceable (artwork, rug, furniture, etc. – They Steal What You Love)
As you know, he played the victim and was claiming that I squatted in HIS MX Condo. In summary, he lied to me about his financial situation. Had I known the truth, I would have NEVER entered into a real estate transaction with him. This is the biggest reason I filed the civil suit – He actively deceived me about his financial state – which is fraud in its purist definition: ”wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.“
Currently we are in the discovery phase. This means that I have to present my case and evidence and Trash needs to present his. Well, after much delay on his side, he/his lawyer finally responded last week. There are two parts to his response, and of course, the lessons I’m learning along the way:
It’s rich folks so grab yourself a cocktail and strap in.
The $102,278.07 Invoice
Yes, you read that right. His main piece of evidence is a $102,278.07 invoice for work WE did at my properties, including a price on the honey-do list. That’s right. He basically entered into court a falsified document, an invoice with:
a price for work WE did as a couple on the properties. He did not do them alone – we did them TOGETHER, as a couple.
things he offered to do because he fired contractors I had hired to do the work because they were “taking advantage of me”
activities that happened after the date of the invoice – January 2022.
things that never happened or ever existed
Basically he entered into court a false document, which he will attempt to use as “proof” I owed him $100k, thus the reason he didn’t contribute a penny towards the purchase of the Mexican condo.
The reality is, he lied to me about his financial situation, and he is trying to cover this fact up by submitting a false narrative and attempting to back up his false narrative with a fraudulent document.
The Invoice is Forgery
This is absolutely a forged document. There was never a single discussion nor was the invoice presented to me while we were dating. There is no way he can back up ANY of the claims he states in this fabricated invoice. In Arizona, A false document is one that is forged, groundless, contains a material misstatement or false claim, or is otherwise invalid. The recording of a false document with the county recorder will subject the person to both civil and criminal liability under Arizona’s false documents statute.
Notice the invoice is dated January 2022. Most of the items on this invoice took place in 2022, not 2021. I have ALL the receipts. Below are just a few examples:
1. October 2022. All the directTV charges (all directTV items and anything electronic related were returned to his employer) are fabricated.
I returned all his work equipment and all electronic devices to his employer in Oct 2022. I have an email confirmation from his supervisor that the items were picked up and here are the pictures of the actual return event.
2. November 2022. Trash abandoned a bunch of things at the house. He had over 8 weeks of unfettered access to the house during the eviction process and an additional 2 weeks to make “reasonable attempt” to get his things:
He broke into the home on Sept. 7th 2022
He was officially evicted on Oct. 17th 2022.
Oct. 17th – 31st 2022 to make a “reasonable effort” to retrieve the items he left
He chose, instead to leave his shit. Which I had to remove from the property. Here are the pictures I took upon the initial entry on Oct 17th 2022. It took me a month to itemize the list of shit that he a) left and b) stole …. All his items were either a) sold and money given to the true owner (Lola) or b) donated and Trash was given the tax donation forms.
He took some of his things – his bed, his two dining tables, all the kitchen stuff (including the dishes, Tupperware, silverware, pots, pans, etc., but mostly he stole my stuff – rugs, towels, cleaning supplies, bedding, art (Steal what you love part 1). But he made ZERO attempt to get the things he invoiced me for. Invoice total of $18,299.30 for items HE HIMSELF DID NOT PICKUP and where legally disposed of. Let’s also remember that most of these items, including the camping gear, he stole from Lola,
So it can be proven in a court of law that the following line items are false and fraudulent:
3. Installation of Custom Blinds in Kanab. This is a false entry all around. There are no custom blinds in Kanab, UT. There are NO blinds in Kanab. The curtains in the bedrooms I hung myself. Certainly not a custom job. Check it out for yourself here.
No “custom blinds” anywhere:
And that is just a small sample of the issues with the Invoice. Proving him wrong with pictures and documentation will show that he is lying and will damage his credibility, which in the end is what I want.
Examples Of his Outrageous Pricing
He is delusional – his rates are higher than experts, ie. licensed electricians, plumbers, landscapers, etc..
The examples I am about to share are just a few of the many on the invoice. They say that Narcissists are transactional… so while I thought we were in a real relationship where we do things for each other and with each other, he was keeping track of everything “he did”. This invoice is the epitome of his keeping track and wanting compensation for things he offered to do as my boyfriend.
Here is a link to all the pictures of Lincoln Lane, the house in SLC I sold. I miss that house… I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and money into this house. It was my dream home. I would NEVER have sold it had I known who Trash really was. All he had to do is tell me he found someone else. But he didn’t, because he wanted money. And I think his response to the Civil Suit proves it.
And again, he would never be able to prove this was a valid invoice – he never presented this or any invoice to me while we were dating, and there is not a single text message, voicemail, or anything that would substantiate his claim.
This is just another way Trash uses the system, lying directly to the courts, and making the victim, me, prove that he is lying. Its just insane.
$4670 for a New Front Lawn
At the SLC home (Lincoln Ln), I wanted to have my regular landscaper to update the sprinkler system, level out the front yard, and lay new seed. The estimate was for $3000. Trash said they were “taking advantage of a single woman” and said we could do it. Yes, he put the plan together.. but did not listen to me when I had concerns. I’m OCD, and the sprinklers were put in the wrong place, causing the lawn to die in certain areas. He also did not level out the yard, which I kept asking about/wanted to do – but he said it would even out … of course it didn’t, so spring came and it was bumpy and lumpy, causing water to pool in places and other places (the mounds) the grass died… It was a horrible job, but I didn’t say anything because I knew if I spoke up he would call me ungrateful. But it bugged me BIGLY. The invoice includes the following for our work – a total of $4670. So $1,670 MORE than an expert. AND I had to incur the extra expense of renting a back hoe, purchasing mulch, seed, sprinkler parts, etc.. All of which was included in the experts $3k estimate.
Here is what I could have gotten if I paid the $3000 – Left picture is of the backyard that was professionally done. Vs. what I paid $1370 MORE for that Trash delivered. I think it is very clear which option most humans would select.
$770 to Cut Brick Wall Cut for Sliding Door
This is another perfect example of work at the SLC Lincoln Ln house. I had found an expert that cuts brick/cement for a living. He gave me an estimate of $200 to cut the brick out (two vertical 5 foot cuts) and remove the debris. This is what was required to get the new sliding glass door in the master bedroom installed. I was fine with paying this, seemed fair to me. Trash again said this expert was taking advantage of me, a single woman… so he offered to do it himself. What does Trash think HE deserves for this small job? $770. – $570 MORE than an expert. FYI – the job took him maybe an hour, and probably 3 hours total if you include the time to run to Home Depot to pick up and return the saw required to cut the brick. I had additional expenses that are not included in his estimate – I paid for for the saw rental, for a new blade (which was expensive!), AND the removal of the debris. None of these additional expenses would have been incurred IF we had just left it to the expert. So all in all, having Trash do this job, at his prices and the extra expenses by NOT having the expert do it, costs me an extra $800-$900. Ridiculous-ness.
$285 to Power Wash the Driveway
This one is good. Why? Because there was a local high school kid going around the neighborhood offering to power wash peoples driveway. I have a large driveway so he quoted me $100. I thought it was a good deal. Trash, however, did not. He offered to do it, so I purchased a power washer and he spent an hour power washing the driveway. Now he is invoicing me for 3 hours at $95/hour for a total of $285. Just pure rediculousness.
The driveway is large… but I would have MUCH rather hired the teen boy for $100 and NOT purchased a power washer… Again, just sharing the tip of the iceberg here.
The Mexico Condo
In true form, and as I outlined in Do Not Mingle Finances post, Trash finally publicly states his plan is to steal MY condo. Here is the “settlement offer” my lawyer and I received last week.
Option 1: Sell the property. I get my initial investment back (so he finally admits he didn’t pay a dime for the condo), but that we SPLIT the proceeds evenly. He does NOT mention that I paid for all repairs and that he collected all the rental proceeds. So basically, he wants to make money on my money.
Option 2: I buy him out. Essentially, I pay him $100k to go away. At least he finally admits, in black and white, what he is really about.
The entitlement is MIND BOGGLING.
Both options include dismissing the eviction judgement for $11,053.00(Evicting the Ex) AND release him from paying my legal fees of $3,932.50 in the OOP hearing he lost. In addition:
he wants me to pay for the legal fees I’ve incurred for the Civil Suit. We would NOT be here, both of us incurring legal fees, if he had just done the right thing from the beginning. The audacity.
He wants to control the sale of the condo – using his agents (oh hell no) and set the price (the market does that you dummy).
Lessons Learned
This situation has been tough. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo while all of this goes on. What I realized during this Civil Suit discovery phase is that it is going to take forever and I cannot put my life on hold. I need to learn to compartmentalize my life. Deal with this stuff when I need to. Focus on rebuilding my life and moving forward when I’m not dealing with this lawsuit. I am actively working on figuring this out now – what do I want to do with the rest of my life? What can I do now to inch forward and not let this situation stop me from moving forward and getting me down?
Today was a tough day. Today, April 26th 2023, was the Order of Possession trial in Mexico. I am physically and mentally exhausted.
What is an Order of Possession?
I cannot find any good websites that describe it, but basically, it’s a court order that states that one person has exclusive rights to occupy a unit/home. Legase for this action: “The legal mechanism known as possessory action guarantees possession of the property to the legitimate owner of an asset.”.
Trash is listed as a co-owner of the property on the private contract (explained in my Don’t Mingle Finances post), but with this court order, I am the only one who can be in possession of the condo. Meaning if Trash comes near the unit, does any damage, harms me while I am in the condo, he can be taken to Mexican jail and pay a fine. Think of it as a USA version of an Order of Protection but for a piece of property. So as long as I’m in the condo, I am safe… but if I leave the condo, and Trash decides to harm me, I will have to file a separate police report because the Order of Possession ONLY protects the condo from his wrath.
I tried to obtain the USA version of an Order of Protection in Mexico, but from what I was told by my lawyer, this is nearly impossible to obtain in MX. Apparently Mexico is behind the times when it comes to protecting victims of domestic violence. Not to say that the USA has a one up – as we all know, the US version of an OOP is just a piece of paper and law enforcement doesn’t take them seriously (otherwise Forensic Files and Dateline wouldn’t have 20+ seasons each).
Why Do I Have an Order of Possession?
Well, after I discovered Trash’s double life, I broke up with him. Since we lived together in Mexico, I needed to remove my stuff from the home we shared. We agreed that I could get all my things Labor Day Weekend in September 2022. He would not give me the code to the condo until the day I was driving down – August 31st. Throughout the following days, he would remove the code and not allow me into the condo or the MX house to obtain my things. It was a game he was playing – removing my access unless I talked with him, which I would not. Days and days of this BS, all the while he was partying it up in Prescott with Nurse Nincompoop (aka Nurse N’Poop). How he found the time to continually harass me while love bombing his new “soul mate” is beyond me. When he returned from Prescott, he broke into my Chandler home (September 7th (Home Invasion #1)). I immediately hired laywers in both the USA and Mexico. I was NOT safe and I had no idea how to protect myself.
I began working with Rogelio, my MX attorney on seeking an Order of Possession. It was granted immediately thanks Trash’s break-in on September 13th 2022 ( 1st Break-in and 2nd Break-in). Scariest day of my life. It took forever to serve him in Mexico, but once served, the Order of Possession was official. He was served while he was with Nurse N’Poop and friends at his Princesa D108 condo. Would be interesting to hear how he explained this one away.
He could have left well enough alone, after all, he has contributed $0 to the condo AND he made money on my money (Don’t Mingle Finances). But nope, he hired a laywer and appealed this Order of Possession. So today is the day of the appeal hearing – today is his day in court to prove his case – why he should also possess and occupy the unit.
What is Mexican Court Like?
Mexican court is very interesting – in some ways it’s the same as the US court system – inefficient, behind the times, etc.. What makes it extra complex for Americans is the requirement to translate EVERYTHING to Spanish. And I mean EVERYTHING.
So in the USA, when you have court, you have a judge, a court reporter, you have lawyers ask questions, witnesses give answers, etc.. Witnesses do not get to hear everyone’s testimony, they are called in when it is their turn. SAME in Mexico for the most part.
Here are the differences:
there is no judge, there is a Secretary that types the questions and answers into a computer.
there are multiple people in the room: the Secretary, the witness, the interpreter, and both lawyers.
We are each allowed 2 witnesses:
Trash picked his brother and Abe, a guy that works for him.
Representing me were:
Justine, the former condo property manager and person I was texting with during the breakin.
Cesar, the bodyguard, whom was present when Trash broke into the condo the first time and second time.
There is only one witness in the room at all times. The courtroom is a small room and there is no waiting room, so when we were not being interviewed, we stood outside or sat in our cars.
At the end of all the testimony, the lawyers and translators review the documentation.
If all looks good, the Secretary prints the documents, and everyone who participated in the day has to sign the paperwork along the borders.
Given this, it took from 11am to 5:30pm to complete all the “interviews”, prepare the documents, and have everyone sign the documents.
So What Happens Now?
The judge will get a file that is thick as thieves — evidence submitted (police reports, ring doorbell recordings, apostiled documents from the USA (my order of protection, the financial statements that show I paid 100% for the condo, all of the Chandler police reports, etc), witness statements from the court hearing today, etc.. The judge will determine the outcome. I understand he will make a decision within 3-5 months. While the court is making its decision, the Order of Protection stands in place.
So, we wait.
Why was this so hard for Me?
It’s the first time I have seen him since the USA Order of Protection hearing on Nov. 9th (OOP Upheld). So the good news is he looks HORRIBLE. I can’t believe that I found him even remotely attractive at any point. His beer gut, his man boobs, and now he has a short haircut that makes his head look like a special needs child that needs a helmet. Outside of his physical appearance, I clearly saw him for who he really is – a conman, a self-entitled, selfish, sociopath narcissist – a what is yours is mine guy that has zero moral compass.
It shook me hard. It’s like a lightning bolt hit me – I was way too trusting, too nice. There was evil on this earth and I saw it in him.
I’ve been in shock since August of last year. I don’t go out, I don’t get to know people. I am alone almost 100% of the time. It has been really hard for me to come to grips with the fact that I was with someone that I thought I knew, but in the end, it was never real:
He knowingly lied to me (he never had the money for the condo); he never intended to pay me back for his 1/2 of the condo
He took all the rental income; did not give me a penny
And now he wants to profit from my investment
He was not in a committed, monogamous relationship as he presented to me – he had been having sex with anyone who would have him (so gross)
Nothing about him is or was real. I’m still shook by all of this. Since November 2022, I have basically been self isolating. I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, I don’t want want or need any drama in my life. I don’t go out. I work from home… I’ve gone weeks without leaving my house (thank you Door Dash!).
Right now, I’m just done. I’m done with people, with humans….. I need to find a therapist to help me through this period. Just know I’m working on it. I’ll get there. But if you do not hear from me, it’s because I am trying to figure things out and heal myself.
Lessons Learned
Same lessons I speak of all my previous posts – don’t trust anyone:
Always do a background check before dating anyone (I use Truthfinder)
Speak to the ex prior to engaging in the new relationship
Never co-mingle money
Please pass / forward this blog onto other women who may be going through the same thing. The more we ladies a) stick together, and b) learn from each other, the less havoc these conmen will wreak in our lives.
I’m going to bed now. Going to have a good cry, hug my new cat Josie, and hope that I can sleep as I have a shit-ton of work to do tomorrow.
WARNING – This is a very long post…. its is a 2 day walk through of a horrible breakup with the lying, cheating ex-boyfriend, whom I’ve come to learn is a sociopathic narcissist. It is written 7 month post-breakup and in a journalistic format. Only truths and receipts here. I am doing this post for my Lawyer, who has asked me to put together a timeline of “how things came to light”.
Overview
So much about my “relationship” with Trash has come to light over the last 7 months. It is clear we were in two very different relationships – I was with him because I loved him, trusted him, and thought we wanted the same things – work hard for an early retirement, have a loving, committed relationship. He said he wanted these things and behaved in a manner that lead me to believe he wanted these things as well. But it was a con – He was mirroring me – I can only assume to con me out of my hard earned money. This has been the hardest for me to come to terms with – that everything he presented to me about himself and how he felt about me was false and fraudulent. I also still feel incredibly gullible for falling for it all… but my family and friends remind me, over and over again, that I was actively deceived and I could not have seen it coming.
You must know, first and foremost, that we had a relationship based on trust (or so I thought). We had agreed early on in our relationship that if either of us ever wanted out of the relationship OR met someone else that we wanted to pursue, we would be forthright and tell the other person. AT 50 years old, there is no reason to spend time and energy in a relationship with someone who does NOT want to be with you. We had 90 day reviews to make sure we were still on the same page. We shared what went well; what wasn’t working, and we made plans to do more of what was great and change the things that didn’t work for us. This is why it NEVER occurred to me he was lying, cheating, or living a double life. Long story short, while I was away, selling my house so we could live our lives together in Mexico like we had planned in late May 2022, I had absolutely no reason to doubt him:
we had this agreement,
we communicated daily,
we were still talking about our future together,
I was not aware of any new “special friend”‘s
With that said, this post is long and is divided into five parts:
So here goes… get some coffee, some wine, some snacks, cause here we go!
How I Discovered the Truth
I don’t even know where to begin. So much happened in the days between August 23rd and August 26th 2022. Three days is all it took to turn my world upside down. The amount of lies and gaslighting that happened is still mind-boggling to me. He kept badgering me to talk, but I knew nothing that came out of his mouth would be the truth so I kept the entire conversation in WhatsApp. And I’m glad I did because now I have proof of his depravity and active deception.
He came over to the Chandler house on August 23rd. I had driven a trailer full of stuff down from SLC (I had, after all, just sold my house and moved to Chandler). The trailer was sitting outside in the driveway (against HOA policy) because Trash’s car was in the garage. Trash was to supposed to remove his car from the garage before I arrived so I could put the trailer in the garage, but he didn’t do it. He told me he was in MX working (which was a lie). So on August 23rd he came over around 2pm-ish, walked inside without knocking, took a call with CPS, then went into the garage to get his car out of the garage. Once the car was out, he helped me back the trailer into the garage. After we completed this, we went inside to have dinner and go to bed. After dinner he sprung it on me that he was going to stay the night with his ex-wife… which is an unbelievable story. He also mentioned that he borrowed a mutual friends car…. and he also left green drink supplements at my house. These three things got me thinking… and so I began to do some investigating in the early morning hours of August 24th 2022.
Lie #1: Staying the Night with the Ex-Wife
Its not in the phone text below, but you can see below on 8/23/22 at 9:54pm he says “call me”. He had just left the Chandler house after telling me he was going to “spend the night at his ex-wife’s house“. I didn’t believe him. I called him – he told me not to worry, that I had nothing to worry about. He loved me, but that his son was NOT doing well and needed him. I called bullshit on this story. I have confirmed with his ex-wife that he did NOT spend the night at her house. She also confirmed that she doesn’t have a couch. SO he lied bigly.
Lie #2: The Borrowed Car
As you can see above, he tells me that he borrowed his friends car. I reached out to the friend. She got back to me a day later. He absolutely did NOT borrow her car –Whatever he did, I don’t care. There should be no reason to lie about this …. unless he was hiding something. Which he was.
Lie # 3: The Green Supplement Drink
Anyone who knows Trash knows he doesn’t drink anything but alcohol or water. So anyone with half a brain knows him drinking a green smoothie is a bold faced lie. “Its a cleanse and I wanted to try it” is just so ridiculous. This was when I stopped taking his calls.
His Own Comments with Mutual Friends
So given the lies above above, I was in a state of shock, but I knew there could be no good explanation for the lies. I didn’t care what he did, how he did it, when he did it. He lied to me – more than once. And no one lies unless they have something to hide.
Because I had an asset to protect, my Princesa B509 Condo, I needed someone to manage it while I sorted everything out (see how he is attempting to steal my Condo here) . She let me know that Trash had let her and her husband know that we had broken up and she was sorry to hear it. I said it was news to me and asked if she would be willing to take back over managing the condo. She said yes… Then I asked her what Trash had shared with her while I was away… Boy, it was a doozy. Here story was consistent with others that I spoke with. What came to light was:
Trash had told folks in my friend circle that we had broken up.
Trash was with Nurse NincomPoop (aka N’Poop) at a bar. A friend approached Trash to say hi and ask how I was doing. Trash told my friend that he didn’t know, that I was “three girlfriends ago“.
Another friend spotted him at a table for two at our “special place”, Pane e Vino, the very same place we had our 90 day review/conversation at the end of May. We discussed how hard it had been with his son living with us, but that HE still wanted to move forward together. We agreed on the next steps in our relationship (sell my SLC house, purchase property in MX and build a house, take the RV for a month long RV trip), etc..
So basically, while I was away, following through on our agreed upon plan, Trash found himself new supply. I was devastated…. I was in shocked to my very core. I was numb. I had yet to wrap my head around what I had just done – sold my personal residence in Salt Lake City Utah, packed up myself, my cats, and HIS DOG and traveled by myself from SLC to Chandler with a car and a trailer. I gave up a good life, a beautiful home, moved to a place where I knew NO ONE except for him, only to find out that the person I did all this for was a man-child who had zero integrity or moral compass, who purposely and actively deceived me for the entirety of our relationship.
His Denial and Gaslighting all via WhatsApp messages
So I moved off of text and onto Whatsapp for all communication starting August 24th 2022. I would not speak to him. I did not trust anything that came out of his mouth, I wanted everything in writing. And I’m glad I did that, and I would HIGHLY recommend you do the same thing, especially if you are dealing with a liar, cheater, manipulator, and/or a violet person.
WORDS OF WISDOM: If you ever find ourself in this position, NEVER take his calls. Narcissists and master manipulators are very good at gaslighting you into thinking that you are crazy. DO NOT TALK TO THEM while you are vulnerable. Let them explain themselves in text and take your time with your responses. Use your brain, not your heart.
Here is the exchange between us, with commentary, from August 24th – 26th 2022. Trash is on the left in Grey, I am on the right, in Green. These are the exchanges, what you must know was that I was in complete shock; my body was shut down, my mind was numb… I was so hurt, just devastated… and to feel this way and continue to hear him lie, over and over again was so traumatic.
So yes, once I found out he had a whole ass girlfriend, I removed him from all my accounts (credit cards, utilities, anything that we shared). He then says its “extreme” and I’m “f*king dumb” for doing this.. Really? WHO WOULDN’T DO THIS?
You will see in the next section that this is a clear lie… Trash and Nurse N’Poop) Facebook Relationship Status changed to “In a Relationship” 14 days PRIOR to this series of lies… on August 14th 2022. HE KNEW he was lying and he just kept on going...
SIDE STORY: On August 14th 2022, Trash asked his ex Lola for a blowjob AT Nurse N’Poop’s HOUSE in her Master Bedroom. Lola cleaned her house on Aug. 13th. Trash was unhappy with the deep clean (something about baseboards), had Lola return on the 14th. Now that the furniture was in the house, why not ask your ex-girlfriend for a blowjob in the new girlfriends master bedroom????
Yeah, met the girl of his dreams. Sure. (Insert eye roll emoji here).
So I begin asking him questions. If you do not have a new GF, then why the rumors? Because rumor has it he had been all over town with her, she stayed at the house we shared Costa Diamante, he stayed with her and her kids at the Princesa Condos, they visited “our” restaurants together… Here are the two days of WhatsApp transcripts full of his lies and gaslighting.
Umm, yeah, people can and did say different. Trash and Nurse N’Poop were all over Princesa the entire summer. As a matter of fact, when I got back into my B509 unit, there was viagra everywhere. I knew it was his… so he had the audacity to take her to MY CONDO…. just disgusting.
And this is where it gets ugly.. trying to get my phone number back from Trash. and him being “indignant” that I would accuse him of cheating with a “married woman”… NOTE: Nurse N’Poop filed for divorce late May 2022. So technically married yes, sleeping around while her divorce was moving through the court systems, also yes. How do I know – It’s public record.
Here it comes peeps, strap in.
Like dude, leave me alone. I said I never wanted to see you again. Do NOT come near me, ever again! Jees. A bit of history: while Trash was in Utah helping me move from July 27th through August 2nd, he purchased a car for me, a blue 2008 Audi Q8, a tire went flat….. I wanted to purchase the car on my own, but he insisted on buying it for me. I was just trying to get the flat fixed on a car that I thought was mine.
FYI – the rim was not messed up.
I’d really like to know who he thinks is “nobody” because everybody I knew in Mexico knew about Nurse N’Poop… The only person that did not know was ME!! So I must be the nobody he speaks of here.
In my above comment about “last weekend”, this was the weekend of Aug. 18th-22nd when we, we being Trash, myself, and his two sons, were to be at baseball games together. I later discovered he was NOT in Mexico and instead went to the games with Nurse N’Poop.
And here we go about getting the “real” story about Nurse N‘Poop. He had originally told me that he had “old friends” stay with him at our Costa Diamante house (by OUR I mean the fact that we lived there together, Trash absolutely is the sole owner wrt mortgage). What we know now, Nurse N’Poop was NOT an old friend, but a very new friend, that he did NOT mention to me, his current girlfriend.
I have since found out that he did post on Facebook as did Nurse N’Poop and her friends, but he was able to block me from seeing these photos. I have friends who began sharing these photos with me, so let’s just say, that he knew at the time I didn’t know how Facebook works, but I do now. He blocked me from seeing what he was doing, period. End of story.
Yes, let’s talk about the RV. I gave Trash $4000 to pay the RV guy. Trash did NOT give the RV guy his money. He kept it for himself. So I had to pay MORE money to get the RV back from the paint guy. Just more $$ that Trash stole from me.
Just highlighted above how he said he would never mess with my phone service. I wanted to take my phone line back, but he would not let me (wouldn’t call to approve it, wouldn’t give me the code to do it myself). And he is “that way”. Within 2 weeks he had my service shut off because I would not talk to him. You can read all about it here).
Trash claims Nurse N’Poopand all her friends knew about me, knew he loved me, and they like me (see the “Yes all of them like u“).. . I then ask for their contact details so I can confirm this. Because in a mature relationship, if they know about me, and they are “just friends”, shouldn’t I be aware of them as well?
So for those interested, here is a picture of Trash at the party with Nurse N‘Poop.. Canoodling was definitely had. She was his guest at the party. So he knows these pictures exist, he knows I have them, and he STILL denies it. SMH.
Seeking comment from my readers: I’d like to know how many of you would be o.k. with YOUR boyfriend entertaining a new lady friend that he has NOT told you about at a party where ALL of your friends are in attendance. Rumors are flying. He is very much enjoying himself with her. And I can guarantee you that if I showed up at a party with a new guy where all his friends were, he would go ballistic. It is the double standard of a cheater.
Also notice how its Justine’s fault because she was ONE of the multiple people who told me. Every one of our friends was at this party, not just Justine.
So I ask him above if he took Nurse N’Poop to Pane e Vino, which is our special place. He knew it was our special place, which is why I asked him. His response below is “f*&k no”…. which I know is NOT true based on the first hand account of a friend.
For whatever reason, Trash continues to blame Justine for his actions, never taking accountability for his behavior.
Please note the retaliation is real. Trash has made it his mission to constantly harass Justine and her husband since August 2022. He has publicly threatened her and her dogs, to the point she has filed a police report, added 24/7 security to her home, and faces his retribution on a weekly if not daily basis TO THIS DAY (Updated January 2024)..
The going gets good here. If his behavior is so innocent, I ask to speak to Nurse N’Poop… he loses it —
NOTE: That the exchange I share in the above WhatsApp message is a text exchange between Trash and a friend stating that we (he and I) agreed to not speak for 3 weeks. Which never happened. We never agreed to this, we spoke all the time. Like I mention in my comments to him is that I wanted/needed to have deeper conversations with him but he didn’t make the time. For example, the Lehi house needed a new floor, we needed to talk about it. He wouldn’t make time for this conversation SO I MADE THE DECISION myself (which of course he didn’t agree with). I figured it out later it is because he was spending all his time with Nurse N’Poop.
These next sets of messages get to the heart of the matter. Where he finally admits that he is “friends” with Nurse N’Poop. What I know now, he began a relationship with Nurse N’Poop in June BEFORE we left Mexico for Utah. I don’t care when they started having sex. He began a new relationship with another woman and did not tell me about it 3 FOR MONTHS. If you can’t tell your partner about a new friendship, or you have to hide a relationship from your partner, that is cheating. Period.
FYI – that picture in the whatsApp is of Trash with Nurse N’Poop and her friends on Aug. 22nd which you can find below in the timeline. It’s the weekend he told me he couldn’t go to the game with me and his boys because he was in Mexico. Clearly he was not in Mexico, he was with his new supply.
And now its my fault – He is not the liar, I am the insecure one – umm hmmm, gaslighting at it finest.
Just want to make it very clear to everyone – finally, we agree that it’s over (above). This is August 25th at 9:44pm. A mere 11 days AFTER he and Nurse N’Poop make things official.
and on and on and on… until finally he admits to seeing Nurse N’Poop. And you know why I think he did this? Because I reached out to Nurse N’Poop myself to get the truth.. Did I get it from her? No, not really. Here is what I wrote her on Aug 25th 2022.
And here is when he finally admits to dating Nurse N’Poop – on August. 26th at 4:09 in the morning.
I wrote Nurse N’Poop back, thanking her for her help. And that was the end of the communication with the floozie. She never wrote me back. I never reached out to her again. I did have to block her after she publicly stated untruths about me in the Facebook Group “Are we dating the same guy – Phoenix“. She clearly is not not a girls girl and has/had no intention of being mature about the situation she and Trash created.
I now understand that Nurse N’Poop knew Trash had a girlfriend and she didn’t care one bit. She could not have missed it when she stayed at Costa Diamante or the Chandler house – my stuff is all over the place. She is not a girls girl, not a girl who has another woman’s back. As far as I am concerned, they deserve each other.
The Cold, Hard Facts About His Double Life
At the end of the day, after 7 months, here is the timeline I’ve pieced together of the 3 months: June – August 2022.
June 8-12th 2022: they may have met sooner, but they definitely met at the Roger Clyne Circus Mexicus from June 8-11th 2022 at Banditos concert that started June 8th 2022. I remember Trash acting weird during the concert – he kept leaving me in the VIP area while he was hanging with friends near the bands… I finally went over to see what he was up to, and he disappeared into the crowd, leaving me alone (again). Then the entire weekend, he got up in the morning telling me he had to “go to work”, only to end up at Manny’s to party. I didn’t have a car and did not have a way to join him, which was probably exactly what he wanted (another isolation tactic). Guess who is no-where in the pictures of that weekend EVEN Though I was AT THE CONCERT?? Yep, me. So based on this post and what I’ve learned from friends, I believe he planned to be with Nurse N’Poop and the others.. and didn’t want me to get “in the way”…. SO this is one of the reasons I think he connected with her prior to this weekend.
June 24th 2022 – he made her an admin of his FB Keepers and Creepers group. He would not let go control unless they were “close”. He did this while he was with me in Kanab UT, on our 8 week trip to move me down to Mexico. I still had no idea this “just a friend” existed. All of a sudden, June 24th, he got a big project in MX and had to leave Kanab to head back to MX on June 25th 2022. It was a lie- he was heading back to spend the July 4th weekend with little miss Nurse N’Poop. It’s all just so clear now. He lived a double life and I was the sucker for trusting him, supporting him so he could live his dream of building a business down in Mexico.
July 4th weekend –Nurse N’Poop and her friends stayed in our MX Costa Diamante house… not “old friends” as Trash had told me. Didn’t she and others find it strange that all my stuff was there, in the master bedroom?!! They partied all weekend together… Makes me sick to my stomach to think she rummaged through my stuff and HE allowed it.
July 2022 – He blocked off my Chandler house the entire month of July. Told me it was too Hot in MX and that he wanted to spend time with his kids…. Instead, he hosted a “Singles Party” on July 10th with Nurse N’Poopand a few other other ladies. He charged the entire party on my credit card (over $600 in booze and food). Look at the dates — July 10th to be exact — Trash was texting me that he loved me and sending me pictures of him with his family, having dinners at my place, telling me he was going to bed early….
he made absolutely no mention that his “new friend” Nurse N’Poop was staying at my house OR that he was using my house to host singles parties.
Clearly his intention was to deceive me about what he was doing. No way would I have allowed him to have a pool party AT MY HOUSE with his nasty ass girlfriend.
Rumor has it that Trash and Nurse N’Poop were talking about moving in together – into MY HOUSE. She was there long enough for my address to be registered to her name. I STILL get mail for her at the house (It’s now December 2023).
August 14th 2022 – The day they decided to mark the beginning of the relationship. Now they didn’t do it on this day, they waited until the day after the 2nd breakin to publicly share their relationship status on FB. On Sept. 14th both Trash and Nurse N’Poop changed their relationship status to “in a relationship” with each other, but back dated it to August 14th 2022. I do not think his “in a relationship” FB status as of August 14th is random. It is most likely the 90 day mark as too when they started officially “seeing each other”, however they defined it, in early June. Which makes sense to me, because that was the weekend of the Circus Mexicus concert at Banditos (June 8th-12th) where Trash was behaving very odd.
So many lies….. it truly is hard to comprehend how many lies he told.
August 22nd 2022 – Tells me he is in Mexico working, which is why we could NOT go to the Baseball games with his sons. But really he is actually in Arizona with Nurse N’Poop. celebrating god knows what.
September 14th 2022 – the day their FB relationship status changed to be “IN a relationship”. 24 hours AFTER he broke into my Condo. They back dated their relationship to August 14th 2022.
And the rest is history. The section above shares with you what happened on August 23rd moving forward. So yes, I I learned about Nurse N’Poop. on August 24th/25th. But clearly there was a lot more going on behind my back prior to me discovering their affair.
Which leads me to the next section… Read on and learn from my mistakes folks.
Summary & Lessons Learned
Having had 7 months to recover from the shock of it all, look back at inconsistencies, have friends and acquaintances share tidbits of info… slowly but surely the truth came out and is what I’ve shared is all I know at this point.
Lesson learned: The truth will always come to light. The goal is to leave after the first offense/sign of disrespect because:
They most likely have been doing it over and over and over, they just got caught this time.
Narc’s love to be friends with their ex’s and always have multiple FWB’s hanging around. Narcs love to keep their ex’s around as backup…. I learned this the hard way…. Trash has a lot of ex/FWB friends he hooked up with while we were together.. this is above and beyond the strangers he would find to bang AND in addition to Nurse N’Poop. He is a walking STD/STI.
Things can and will never be the same once trust is broken.
If you have made it this far, congratulations. You have probably been through something similar and have spent a lot of time dissecting it in and effort to understand what happened and move on.
Final Words of Wisdom
IF you are in a relationship with a sociopath, narcissist, master manipulator, gaslighter, liar, and/or cheater: get out the first time they show you who they are. If you do not they will hurt you over and over again… It took me finding out about this one girl to leave. But since I’ve been out of the relationship, I have learned that there were plenty of other women he was with besides Nurse N’Poop. Outside of what I’ve shared above:
He had an ongoing affair with his ex, Lola. Sex in my house, sex in hotel rooms, sex in Mexico, wined and dined her both in Mexico and in Arizona. You name it, they did it. He told her I was a “business transaction” and that they would get back together when he was done with me.
His truck was never in the driveway of our house in Mexico when I was away on business. He never spent the night at our house when I was not home. He was out at the bars, picking up randoms when I was out of town, taking them to his Condo or Mirador Townhouse.
Sometimes he would “work late”, but was not really working… He was actually at his condo, mere blocks away, using the owners hot tub and his condo as a “f*&k pad” while I was AT HOME TAKING CARE OF HIS SON.
There are his FWB gals that he hooks up with – he had 2-3 that I am now aware of. I’ll be writing on this topic soon.
Lastly, there are all the vulnerable women he preys upon in his FB Groups (Keepers and Creepers and Chandler Arizona Adventures). He loves single women going through tough divorces… so he can swoop in and look like a hero for installing locks, Ring doorbells, and hanging TV’s. But in reality he is just a predator stroking his ego at someone else’s expense.
So let this be a lesson to you all that the best course of action is to BE DONE the first time you find out your partner/significant other has strayed – because you can be guaranteed that you did NOT catch him the first time.
When you find out something that breaks a boundary. Leave. It WILL NEVER GET BETTER. And once you leave, you will discover a lot more, and from what I’ve learned from the experts, what you actually learn about is only 10% of what truly went on. So if the above is only 10%…. I can only imagine what else will come to light during the civil suit discovery and trial.
I met a sociopath who will now be forever known as Trash while on vacation in Puerto Penasco/Rocky Point Mexico in April of 2021. We hit it off. We started seeing each other long distance — two weeks on, two weeks off. Every two weeks we would see each other either in my home in Salt Lake City (SLC) Utah, or at his condo in Puerto Penasco. We did this from May to December 2021.
In August/September timeframe, things were going so well, we talked about selling one of my rental properties and purchasing a property closer to Mexico (reduce travel)… So in September, I sold a rental property (“the Duplex”) and purchased a nice home in Chandler Arizona via a 1031 Exchange. I would use it mostly as an airBnB, but planned to also use it personally — to be closer to Trash and Mexico, reduce some of the travel time.
After this purchase, Trash asked me to move in with him in Mexico. I had a job where this was possible (remote work is the best!)… and I was thrilled things were going so well between us.
So in November, I started the process of turning my beloved SLC house into a short-term rental (STR). I chose to go with Evolve.com as my marketing and scheduling service and hired a property manager.
In December 2021, I packed up my RV and drove down to Puerto Penasco with my two cats Sophie and Zoey. We arrived on Dec. 23rd 2021, the day before Trash’s birthday.
We lived together in his house in Mexico… when we needed to go to the United States, we would stay at the Chandler house. Usually only a few days in-between rentals. It was a nice life. The only challenge at the time is that his 13 year old teen son was living with us.. It was a tough time for Trash and his son…. but because I had been through a similar situation with my niece, I felt that I was the perfect person for him, I understood the challenges and could be there for him.
His son left May 25th 2022. A few days later, we went to “our” restaurant and had our 90 day review (more on this later)… We agreed that things had been tough (having his son living with us was VERY challenging – he ran away, in MX, 4 times!!).. Even with the challenges, we decided we wanted to continue forward and be together. WE decided that we would not be spending time in SLC for the summer as we had originally anticipated. So together, WE made the decision to sell my SLC house. It took about a week to get it listed, and within 48 hours I had two over-asking offers. I accepted one… and WE made the plan to spend 8 weeks packing my shit up and move it to Mexico, where we would live full-time. We left Mexico in his truck, with all the pets, and headed North. We stopped in Kanab, UT for the week of June 20th to fix some things at one of my other rental properties.
Again, we were supposed to be together for the entire 8 weeks. But while in Kanab, he said he just got a big project in MX and that he needed to return to MX to get started. I support him and his work, I had no reason to believe this was not the truth. So we made the decision to divide and conquer — on June 25th, He drove back to MX by himself and I rented a car and drove myself and all the pets to SLC to begin packing/moving.
Throughout June, July, and August we were still talking, texting. We put a plan in place for him to come back out the end of July and help me move. Originally I thought he was going to drive with me from SLC to Mexico, but no.. he said another big project came up. He left SLC on August. 2nd. It was not a great visit — he was purposely picking fights about stupid stuff. …. BUT we were still have sexy time, he bought a car for me to drive while in MX (Audi Q7 — future story), he took $2800 from me for the MX house kitchen remodel (future story).
We were to reunite on Aug. 17th 2022 in Chandler AZ. He had made plans for us to go to the baseball game with his sons…. I had taken time off of work for it.. Sometime around August 10th-14th he told me the plan was no longer in place, that he had a lot of work to do. He would be up in Arizona after the weekend on August 23rd. I was crushed.. Here I had been packing up and moving to be with him, and I felt like I was the only one making “us” a priority. My best friend flew out from Reno to help me unpack and deal with this very uncertain time.
So Trash finally shows up on Aug. 23rd 2022. He walks into the house, take a call with CPS (his child had been removed from the home and was now under AZ state care – see Gabe’s story here). We did couple things: we cleaned out the garage, unloaded my stuff from the trailer, etc..). you know, together stuff. We talked while I made dinner…. He asked to see my phone while I was making dinner… I let him. He’s my boyfriend, I trusted him, he can see whatever he wants on my phone. Well, while he had my phone, he transferred my phone line to his Verizon plan. I did not authorize this…. and this did come to bite me in the arse. I was able to remedy the situation: How I Got My Phone Number Back from My Ex.
Anyway, on this very night, as I was cleaning the dishes and I thought getting ready for bed, out of the blue he tells me that he is going to spend the night on his ex-wife’s couch because his “son needed him”. I called bullshit on this … I asked him what was going on, to be honest with me. He reiterated his son needed him. All other times his son needed him, the son(s) came to the house. I asked why his son didn’t just come to the house. He said his son wasn’t comfortable at the house. This was strange to me as his kids just spent time at the house in July (story coming soon). He left. He called me from the car and reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.
Of course I cried. I was so sad! But my gut told me that something was not right. I didn’t know what was going on… . I spend the night doing some digging, and a lot was not as he said. I caught him in lie after lie …. he still wouldn’t admit it, even when I had factual evidence/proof.
What did I find out?
That he didn’t borrow a friends car
That he didn’t have any projects in Mexico the entire summer
The entire time I was out of town he was telling everyone that we had broken up and was flaunting a new girl all over town. He met this “just a friend” on June 10th at a concert that I WAS AT WITH HIM, 10 days before we left for our 8 week “move” from SLC to Mexico.
He blocked off the Chandler house all of July and was hosting singles parties at the house.
He had a new girlfriend and was now living with her.
Trash had been living a double life — With me, on the phone, we were very much together — I was receiving texts, calls, etc about his work activities and how excited he was for my return.. In Mexico he was living a new life with his new girlfriend Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short). It was beyond heartbreaking to learn of all this after everything I had just done — changed my life to be with this man, only to learn I had literally been replaced while I was away. I no longer had a “home”. I didn’t know a soul in Arizona. I was truly shocked and had never felt such betrayal before. Finding out the truth is hard, learning everything was a lie is gut-wrenching.
Everyday since Aug. 25th I have awakened to some threat or action on his part to hurt, harass, stalk, and destroy me. I will tell each story, as they unfolded chronologically and with evidence.
If anyone else has been through this, I welcome words of wisdom or references…. not just for myself, but for others that may also be going through this.
Paula's Ponderings 