I’m back with an incredible tale that delves into the timeless battle of good versus evil—a story where the hallowed halls of justice witnessed the unmasking of truth, and the courts delivered a verdict that resonates with justice.
Today’s update takes us deep into the heart of a legal saga, the Order of Possession case I waged with the Mexican courts. Quick summary of the case:
In June 2023 the Puerto Penasco courts deliver a resounding victory in my favor. Not only did justice prevail, but the court deemed my case so airtight that it came with a penalty:
a fine of $10,000 Pesos (equivalent to $586.42 USD as of Feb 2024) for Trash.
an additional fine and jail time if he should he dare approach or harm my cherished property.
Yet, the saga continued as Trash, true to form, appealed the decision. The legal battle escalated to the higher court in Caborca, prolonging the ordeal. The court took 6 months to make a decision.
The appeal process is simple – when Trash filed the appeal, all of the documentation (testimony, financial statements, etc.) were sent to the higher court to review the lower courts decision. Myself, Trash, and the witnesses did not need to appear. The higher court reviews the lower courts decision and all the accompanying documentation and will decide in one of the following ways:
Uphold the prior decision
Partially modify the prior decision
Overturn the prior decision
December 2023
In December 2023, 6 months after the appeal, the higher court made a decision. The higher court echoed the verdict of the lower courts, upholding my possession 100%. The email confirming this was almost poetic:
Trash chose not to appeal the second court’s decision, making the victory final. I now hold legal, undisputed possession of my condo, and the sanctions against Trash are not just on paper—they are recorded with two courts.
So this Chapter is over and my beachfront condo has been secured, recorded with the courts, AND with the Condo Association:
Trash has been removed from all HOA systems so he can no longer stalk me. He no longer has access to my bookings/reservations, no longer knows when friends are visiting, etc..
Security is now aware that he has ZERO reason to be near the B building. The police will be called if he comes anywhere near my building.
How it Feels
How do I feel? Happy, relieved, and vindicated. I’m sure he is still out there telling anyone who will listen that I “stole” the condo from him, but nothing could be further from the truth. The truth is, he tried to steal something from me that wasn’t his and the courts agree with me.
I am also proud of myself – I stood up for myself and my assets. I am lucky to be in a position to protect myself. If he was a good man, he would have signed the paperwork to remove himself from the unit when we broke up, but no. He is a conman, a parasite – sucks the energy out of everything he comes in contact with. I’m glad its over and I’m so ready to move on from this nightmare.
So this chapter is done, complete. Story isn’t over … but close. For now, I am happy with the results in Mexico.
Lessons Learned
What have I learned from all of this? That there are garbage men out there who will lie, cheat, and steal from the people they profess to love. Don’t do what I did, protect yourself and DO NOT mingle finances.
I’d love to hear from you – please share your victory stories. It would be great and know that others out there have also defeated their ex’s in court.
The End.
For those interested, Mexico civil courts are different (and I think simpler) than US civil courts. Basically, The civil code in Mexico exists at three levels: City, State, Federal. So the Local courts make a decision. The decision can be appealed to the State, then at the Federal level. Everything takes time (but less time than in the states). In my case:
City/local/district courts can take 2-3 months to make a decision. In my case, the Puerto Penasco courts took 2 months to make a decision.
State level courts can take 2-6 months to make a decision. In my case, the Caborca courts took 6 months to make a decision. No new evidence was admissible, no court appearance was required. Oral closing arguments are allowed, which is why the lawyers where required.
Federal level courts can take 18 months to 3 years to make a decision.
I ran across this story written by Annah Mason a few weeks ago. She names her abuser, speaks to the history of his abuse, and calls out those in his circle that enabled him to abuse so many women. The comments section includes other women he abused in the same way. Just a sad tale of how people like Michael May and Trash get away with their abuse over an extended period of time.
It got me thinking about my own experience. 16 months with Trash and I’ve been set back in so many ways:
Systematic: going through the court system in an attempt to right a wrong has shown me that a) no woman is safe in the USA, and b) the system is absolutely NOT set up to protect women from serial abusers. It was all an illusion.
Emotional: I no longer see this world through the same eyes; I have lost my innocence and faith in humanity. There are so many users, abusers, conmen among us. It has definitely influenced the way I see and interact with people.
Trash has a path of destruction behind him. I am aware of 3 other women before me that had a similar experience with Trash. I am lucky in that I didn’t lose everything and I had the means to stand up for myself. Filing the Civil Suit was not just about me, it was a way for me to get “justice” for the harm Trash has caused the women before me, and quite frankly, more broadly for all the women who have been unable to fight.
But I learned a very hard lesson. I no longer believe is justice. I no longer feel safe. I clearly see that I had a false sense of safety here in the USA; it is all an illusion. Based on my experience and the experience of these other women, the system is set up to protect abusers, not victims. Below I write about the path of destruction in Trash’s wake, and my experience with the systems that has allowed him to continue to abuse anyone he comes across.
History of Abuse
If you listen to Trash tell the story, all the women before me were “crazy”: His now ex-wife only used him for his money so she could live the “Scottsdale Wife” life. Betsy had kids that didn’t respect him, Lisa was “crazy”. Given his smear campaign against me, I’m 100% sure I’m on the long list of “crazy ex-girlfriends” – That is a lot of crazy ex’s for one fellow.
While I was preparing for my Civil Suit, my Lawyer, Mark, asked me to find out more about Trash’s history. Why did. he ask me to do this? Because In Civil Court, the reputation of the parties involved is very important as a jury will use it as a way to determine someone’s character and truthfulness. The lawsuit was about fraud and deception (Mexican Condo); stolen property All I need to do is sway the jury that I’m more credible than Trash…… So I set forth to gather evidence … started with police reports and speaking with the people he has interacted with… What I learned was that my situation was not unique, that he is a depraved, despicable person who has a trail of destruction and inhumanity behind him.
So from 1999 to today, Trash has abused at least 4 women (5 if you count “The Russian” he was caught with the first time the Ex-Wife caught him cheating). I’m 100% confident there are more than this, but this gives you an idea how long he has gotten away with being a serial abuser. Its the same old pattern with every lady:
Physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive
Inability to stay faithful while in an exclusive relationship; all the while claiming he is “not a cheater”
Using the court systems and social media to harass and intimidate his victims
Using lies and manipulation to control people
Systems that Let Abusers Further Hurt Victims
My experience is that the systems that are currently in place support criminals and abusers and not victims they say they “protect and serve”.
Criminal Court (The Police)
In criminal court, the government files a case against someone for committing a crime. In my case alone, I filed a total of 8 police reports with the Chandler Arizona police:
Not a single one was addressed by the criminal court system. And when I reported these crimes, the police treated me with indifference at best. It was if I was bothering them. They truly could not have cared less.
The home break-in report, stolen items reports, and credit card fraud reports were filed in the “it’s a civil matter” bucket and the police wiped there hands of it. This means that Trash basically got away with robbing me, stealing from Bank of America, as well as the green light to break-in whenever he pleased. This is why I was forced to go the eviction and Order of Protection (OOP) route (see Civil Court below).
Two of the reports, identify theft and wire fraud were submitted to the DA for prosecution. Since these are criminal matters, I do not get a say – the AZ District Attorney gets to decide if they will prosecute. I received a letter a week ago stating they were not going to proceed with prosecution in the identify theft matter. I was given the opportunity to speak with the DA covering the case – Janine L. She is a lovely woman. She agreed that Trash did all the things he did – he created the fake emails, he used my PII to create DirecTV accounts. But because I found out BEFORE he charged my card for the services, they would not proceed. I asked her – “what should I have done in order for this case to be prosecuted?” The answer: Let him charge the services to my credit card. Yes. That’s right. The only way that would move forward with prosecution is if I let myself be MORE of a victim. Basically, I was too diligent – I cancelled the card he intended to use to pay for the fraudulent services.
In The Ex-Wife’s case, there were 6 police reports in Scottsdale in 2016 for abuse…. only one resulted in consequences (a single night in jail and fines). The others were filed and forgotten.
In Lola’s case, she filed a few reports and nothing was done. As a matter of fact, the police told her that she would go to Jail if she pressed charges because Trash also called the police and their stories were conflicting. Same experience the women had in this article.
So within a 6 year period (2016 through 2022), Trash has had 25 run-ins with the police / court system that I am aware of:
15 Police Reports (8-me, Lola-1, The Ex-Wife-6) filed against him. And this is just what I was able to find, I’m sure there are far more as tracking this stuff down requires you to go to each county to file and pay for the reports.
3 OOP’s filed against him (2 from Betsy in 2017 and 2018, 1 from me in 2022)
3 Speeding Tickets – “SPEED GREATER THAN REASONABLE AND PRUDENT“
Any other OOPs that may have been filed as OOPs are NOT covered under the Freedom of Information Act. So NO ONE can find out if someone is dangerous. I would think a company would want to know if a potential employee is safe entering peoples homes. Or we ladies want to be safe and research a potential suitor. There is no way to find this information. IMO, people with OOPs should be registered offenders just like sex offenders. It’s mind boggling me to me that this information is NOT readily available. Jees.
So in summary, the Police are not your friends. I believe they have a bias against survivors, choosing to NOT believe the victims, especially in the case of domestic violence or partner abuse. When they don’t take action to protect the vulnerable, they are in fact protecting the abusers and thieves of this world. It is no wonder that crime is on the rise and specifically familial crimes are on the rise – no one is holding the criminals accountable.
Civil Court (Civil Suits, Evictions, Divorce, Order of Protection, etc)
In civil court, one person sues (files a case) against another person because of a dispute or problem between them.
In my case, I have had THREE interactions with the Civil Courts while dealing with Trash’s shenanigans:
First I will say that this is a VERY EXPENSIVE route to go. Given this, most people cannot go this route. I know that Lola was not able to get her things back because she didn’t have the money to fight in court. You typically have to hire a lawyer, in some cases a mediator, and the process can take years. It is not for the faint of heart.
Second, even if you have the funds to fight in court, the fact is, even if you win, the garnishment process is a bitch. It is very hard to get the funds you are awarded in court from the perpetrator. In the OOP and Eviction cases, I was awarded judgement. I’m “lucky” in the sense that I had Trash’s banking account information, so we were able to garnish his accounts. But he knows how to play the game – he just moved his money around – out of his accounts and into new accounts that I did not have the account details for. So even if you do win a judgement, the only way to truly collect is to put a lien on the perpetrators assets. And I know this because in Trash’s case, all his other eviction liens where satisfied with the sale of his marital home in 2020. So the folks that had to evict Trash in 2016 and 2017 didn’t get their judgements awarded until 2020 when Trash sold the marital home. Myself and some poor bastard in the 2021 eviction are still waiting to collect. And since he doesn’t own a home here in Arizona, the only asset we can put a lien on at this time are his automobiles. It’s just not right or fair that it sits on the victim to have to chase these criminals down – there should be an easier way to make victims whole.
Let’s Talk about Order of Protection (OOP)
I applied for and was granted an OOP. Trash appealed it so I hired a lawyer to represent me in court. The Judge made it clear to Trash that if he loses, he has to pay my attorneys fees. Of course my evidence for the OOP was rock solid, so the OOP was upheld and a judgement for legal fees was granted. Going to my second point above, it’s difficult to collect.
In addition, both the wire fraud and the airBnB business interference violate the Order of Protection, but who’s enforcing it? Clearly the police aren’t. And do I want to spend MORE money going through the civil courts to have him held accountable? Honestly, the OOP is meant to protect, but I do not feel any safer having it. It would require the police take protection orders seriously and act appropriately when abusers violate them – but I’ve seen nothing of the sort. So I will be taking matters into my own hands in 2024.
Family Court
This one is a doozy. I have only dipped my toe into the family courts as I do not children and my divorce years ago was amicable. My experience with the Family Courts are recent and are entirely based on Lola’s and The Ex-Wife’s experiences.
First and foremost, holy smokes what an inefficient system. The latest example of this is The Ex-Wife’s Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance in July 2023. All she wants is for all Spousal Support to be paid so she can be done with him. He stopped paying in May 2021, last required payment was Nov. 2023.
First, why does the victim have to go back to the courts and ask for what has already been agreed to by all parties??? Why are the courts not enforcing it? Why was he not hunted down in June 2021 when he missed his first payment in May 2021?? Why do the courts not enforce Child Support and Spousal Maintenance?
Second, why do you have to have money to be represented?!? The Ex-Wife has zero money. She was a stay-at-home mom, taking care of her family while her then-husband advanced his career. She got her first minimum wage job in August of 2016. She is in no way able to represent herself, but there are no resources available to her. All she needs is a lawyer that will represent her in court. Why do criminals get court appointed lawyers in criminal cases, but stay-at-home mothers don’t get a lawyer to represent them in Family Court??!?!?
Its sooo intimidating. I was intimidated but I am tech savvy and know how to get answers. The Ex-Wife speaks Arabic; English is her second language. Yes she can get an interpreter, but she needs help with context, the why something is happening. In addition, the legalize required to navigate the system and the way you need to speak in court is like learning a whole new language. Again, why do mothers NOT get a lawyer to help with representation like criminals do?!?!
And back to the inefficiency.
In July 2023 The Ex-Wife filed a Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance as he is almost $30k in arrears. She came prepared to court in November – he did not. He asked for an extension and was granted one. Mind boggling. He should have been fined/arrested for contempt of court. This is just another way the current justice system fails women.
Instead of the courts forcing him to abide by a court order (divorce decree), He gets another chance to do what he was supposed to do in the first place, causing more stress and angst for The Ex-Wife. In an ideal world, she shouldn’t even have to file the Petition – it should just be upheld and the courts should garnish his bank accounts just like they did for Child Support. Why is the system like this?!?
In my quest to understand the Family Court system, I joined a few FaceBook Family Law Support Groups a did a lot of Googling. I learned that the The Ex-Wife’s experience is all to common:
I’ve come to the conclusion that that the Family Court system is fundamentally broken. Abusers manipulating the courts, filling unnecessary motions, delaying hearings, drag the process out for years with the sole purpose of torturing their victims and avoiding responsibility. The biggest losers of it all are the single mothers who bear the brunt of caring for kids without any financial or institutional support. They are truly victimized twice – by their abuser and by the courts.
Why is it like this? Why has it not changed? This experience was a(nother) real eye-opener for me – and knowing what I know now, I would highly recommend that women NOT have children or get married until this institution has changed to protect vs. betray women and children.
Lessons Learned
All I can say is that Women – do NOT get married or have children. If you don’t pick the right person and things end badly, if you are not rich or do not have a support system, you will be brutalized by both the abuser AND the system, or quite frankly, with the wrong partner, could end up dead.
In addition, when it comes to the OOP, my experience is that the Police do not care. After several violations, Trash was not admonished, no repercussions for his violations. Now maybe thats because it was not physical abuse, but either way, seems like all it is is a piece of paper and its worth nothing. As I mentioned above, not only do the Police not seem to give a shit, OOP information is NOT readily available as it is not covered under the Freedom of Information Act. So essentially, there is NO WAY for any woman to find out if someone has an active or previous OOP. This seems wildly unfair to women – there is just no way to protect yourself in this day and age. It seems very clear to me that men/abusers who have OOP’s against them, they can continue to abuse, intimidate, harass without penalty/repercussion. This is sanctioned systematic assault on women.
“Fifty-five per cent (48,800) of all female homicides are committed by family members or intimate partners, underscoring the disturbing reality that home is far from a safe haven for women and girls. This means that, on average, more than 133 women or girls were killed every day by someone in their own home. In contrast, 12 per cent of homicides against males are perpetrated in the home.“
“While Central and South America experienced a decline in yearly killings between 2017 and 2022 (by 10% and 8% respectively), Northern America witnessed a significant increase (by 29%)“
“1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner“
“72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female.“
“The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%” (Trash has guns).
The statistics are not our favor ladies. From what I’ve researched, the laws are not changing here in Arizona, or in the USA for that matter. Go here for stats by State.
Safety is an illusion – we ladies are not safe. It’s high time I get a gun and learn self-defense. Just two of my many 2024 goals. I highly recommend you do the same.
I met Lola a little over a year ago when I discovered that the furniture in the Chandler home was actually hers. I have come to know Lola this past year, and her story – the chapter that includes Trash – is not only heartbreaking, but also all too familiar.
Lola spent a long time with Trash, how she did it I will never know or understand. They met in October 2015, they stopped seeing each other at the end of 2022. Here are a few key dates/times of Lola’s time with Trash:
October 2015 – Lola met Trash online. Yes, he was still married to The Ex-Wife. Yes, he was also living with Betsy. None of which she was not aware of.
December 2015 – She said things didn’t seem right, so she broke up with him.
February 2016 – Without any warning, Trash showed up at her house with Gabe. She didn’t know what to do, but he knew how to pull at her heartstrings – the kid. She made a fatal mistake this day but letting him stay. Her life forever changed for the worse this day, she just didn’t know it yet.
March 2016 – Lola went to England on vacation; same time that Trash was thrown in jail overnight for domestic violence.
Summer 2016 – Lola found out about Betsy
September 2016 – Lola bought her house (go Lola!!)
September 2017 – Moved in with Trash and turned her home to an airBnB…
I’m going to assume Trash just pivoted from Betsy’s house to a new house because September 7th 2017 is when Betsy filed her first Order of Protection against Trash.
All in all, they were together until late 2022. Yes, you read that correctly. The entire time I was in a relationship with Trash, he and Lola were still talking, texting, and having sex. The ENTIRE TIME. He told me she was crazy and that he had to block her, he did not do that. He continued to see her, wine and dine her, sleep with her – at my house, in hotels, in Mexico. Did she know about me? Yes she did. And she did it anyway. This is the hardest for me understand – how another woman does another woman like this. I will post about this later, for now, we are going on Lola’s journey of theft and deception with Trash.
2021
March 2021
Now back to 2021. She and Trash were living together at a home he rented. She had sold her home by this time. She was paying him $1000/mo and he was paying the landlord. Except he wasn’t. She received a 3-day “pay or vacate” notification. Trash did not pay and they were evicted. It was clear he was taking HER money and not paying the rent. This was a devastating blow to her as she and her two boys had nowhere to go. She did all the packing and she and Trash put their stuff in the same storage unit. He is the one that purchased the lock, and therefore the only one with the key.
This was his 3rd eviction. He has a total of 4 evictions as of Dec. 2023:
March 2021 – The scenario described above with Lola.
September 2017 – he was evicted and left The Ex-Wife home
October 2016 – who knows….poor girl…
You can find eviction information on the Arizona Justice Courts casesearch website. I now recommend that ALL women research any person they plan to see/date BEFORE they meet up in person. Had I known to do my research, I definitely would have NOT gone out with Trash.
He is a prime example of a hobosexual: ”Someone who enters into a relationship to prevent themselves from being homeless“.
Anywhoo, the point is, he created this chaos, and in this chaos he took advantage of her. Why she went back to him after this and/or continued to see him is beyond me. Another story for another time.
Fast forward to November 2021.
November 2021
The Chandler House
I had purchased the home in Chandler in October 2021 as a short term rental. He said he had furniture in storage and I would be doing him a favor by letting him furnish the new home. I didn’t want to do it as we have very different taste in furniture. He told me if I loved him I would do it, it would be a favor to him; and what did I care, it was a rental, not our home… I begrudgingly went along with it. BIG MISTAKE. He had all the furniture moved to the house BEFORE I ever saw the house. When I walked in, I was right – it was not good. It had a bad energy, I didn’t like it at all. I had multiple conversations with him about moving it out…. I was really in an awkward position and did not like how I felt or how I was being treated. This is a perfect example of how I didn’t stand my ground – I just went “with the flow” because I was too busy working and I didn’t want to fight.
A particularly harrowing experience for Lola was when Trash was at the Chandler house in November 2021, I was still in Salt Lake City UT, heading down Arizona within days. Trash and Lola were still texting, meeting up, having sex, all that jazz. I was NOT aware of this at the time. Well, at some point he was at the Chandler house, she was aware he had cleared out the storage room and wanted some of her things back. He invited her to the Chandler house… when she walked into the home, she was stunned to see all of her stuff. She wanted to take it. He got mad at her, hit her, then dragged her out of the house by her hair and arms. He called the police and when they showed up he wanted her arrested for trespassing. They would NOT arrest her for trespassing because she showed them the text exchange between she and Trash where he clearly invited her over. She wanted to file a police report for theft and for attacking her, but they told her, “if you do that you are both going to jail”. She had two young boys at home and couldn’t go to jail…. so she left with her TV and massive scrapes and bruises. I have seen the pictures – her hands and wrists were dark purple and red… her entire back had a road rash, much like motorcyclists get when they fall and skid across the pavement. This is so infuriating to me on several notes:
This is another example of how the police do NOT protect, and if anything, they support the abuser vs. the victim.
I wished she would have reached out to me. I would have made sure all of her belongings were returned to her.
Please note, I was not made aware of this until AFTER I broke up with Trash and had him evicted from the home – so a year later, November 2022. When I finally got back into the home, a friend of Lola’s reached out to me and let me know that the stuff in my house was Lola’s. My heart broke for her. I was going to donate it all, instead, I reached out to her. She came over, identified what was hers, and we agreed I would sell it and give her the proceeds. Which I did.
But the storage unit items was NOT all he stole from her. He stole so much more — and took it down to Mexico.
March 2021 through 2022
Mexico
Where do I even begin. When they were together, she purchased and sold her home turned airBnB. Together they moved the contents of her airBnB to Mexico – first to the Mirador townhouse, then into the home that he purchased right before I met him – The Costa Diamante house. He sold her the same dream he sold me – that they would live together in Mexico in that house. She believed him. When he started dating me in April 2021, she realized they would not be together in Mexico and that she wanted her stuff back.
She continued to ask for it back. She had a trailer lined up and people that would help her load it and drive it back to the USA. He would on one hand tell her to get her shit, he would give her days that she could come and get it, then go radio silent. She would go down to Mexico to get it, then he would NOT give her the code to enter the places to get it. He made it impossible for her to get her stuff… He basically stole the contents of an entire 2 bedroom house from a single mother of two kids – dispersed it to all his different places, and refused to return it:
Costa Diamante house (where we lived) was just sold with all her stuff in it – very nice refrigerator, kitchen appliances, bedding, etc..
Mirador townhouse has all of her dishes, more appliances, a lot of bedding, clothing for her and her children, etc..
Princesa condo now has all of her very nice outdoor furniture. He moved it from Costa Diamante to the condo when he sold the house. See below.
Lola was not and is not in the position to fight for the return of her items. She had to write it off. It’s been extremely hard for her — because she lost everything, she basically now rents a room from a friend to live in. When she is able to get back on her feet again, she will have to start over from scratch. And we all know furniture, bedding, kitchen supplies, etc.. are not cheap.
Summary
Trash feels entitled to things that are not his. He has zero conscience or remorse for the harm he causes other people or the disaster he leaves in his wake. He is a sociopath and it’s only a matter of time before he steals from or harms someone else.
Ladies, do not let this be you. Do NOT, for any reason, give anything to a man. There is no reason. He should be providing for himself. I wished someone would have given me this advice before and during my time with Trash. But they didn’t. So both Lola and I are here to tell you – DO NOT GIVE YOUR MONEY OR ITEMS to any man, ever.
TRIGGER WARNING: Post includes details about Spousal and Child Abuse.
The Ex-Wife met Trash while living in Israel when she was 18. It was an arranged marriage set up by Trash’s mother. The second time they met, they married. She was 19, he was 29. They married in 1999. After they were married, he flew her to the United States to live with him on the East Coast. She had never traveled before, did not speak English, did not drive, didn’t understand money or finances. She is muslim and grew up in a Muslim country where men are allowed to treat women horribly. Trash kept up with this tradition. They had two kids quickly, then another one, Gabe, 7 years later. Much isn’t known about why they left the East Coast for Arizona, rumors has it that he was having an affair with a married woman and the husband found out so he fled town with the family to Arizona.
When they arrived in Arizona, Trash carried on with his philandering ways. In 2013, Ex-Wife discovered that he was cheating on her with “the Russian”. How? He told her he was in Flagstaff, but she tracked the car to an apartment building a few miles away from their house. Why did she need to get a hold of him so urgently? At the time, Trash was breeding puppies. Someone left the backdoor open and the puppies escaped and drown in the pool. The kids had found the dead puppies and were hysterical. She called him to come home – he said he was in Flagstaff and couldn’t come home, but in reality he was around the corner with another woman she calls “the Russian”.
This is when she decided she needed to get out. But she didn’t know how. Trash didn’t give her access to any of the bank accounts, he forbade her to drive, she didn’t even have a key to her own home. She was determined to get out — She focused on learning English and saving the spare change she collected from the couch and his pockets.
In May 2015 she filed for divorce after an abusive episode. She told me she was very scared – Trash told her she would be deported if she divorced him. He had already moved out of the house and was living with his then girlfriend Betsy. This is an excerpt from her 2015 Petition for Divorce:
Trash convinced her to not file so she dismissed the case. She told me she was very scared and that he told her that if she divorced him she would be deported and never see her children again. So she dismissed the case and basically became a woman he would beat and berate whenever he felt like it as he knew she would not call the police and risk losing her kids.
In March 2016 he stopped by the house to pick up Gabe for baseball, they got into an argument. He dragged her out of the house by her hair. He threw her clothes away. The police were called. Trash was arrested for Disorderly Conduct – Disruptive Behavior, Disorderly Conduct – Language/Gesture, Interference with Court Order / Violation of Court Order.. Here is an excerpt from the report:
He pled guilty to domestic violence, spent ONE night in Jail, and was fined. This was marked as his first offense, but it was not his first time he abused his wife, it was the first time he was caught (As mentioned in the Report above, The Ex-Wife did NOT call the police when these incidents took place because she was told, by a Judge that she would be arrested if she did). Make it make sense that this is all he gets for physically assaulting his now Ex-Wife.
Basically, Trash moved out of the marital house in 2014 and began living with his girlfriend Betsy. Unbeknowst to The Ex-Wife at the time is that he ALSO stopped paying the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on the home. This was confirmed by the lien holder (David) via email 2 years later:
So basically Trash up and left his wife and kids, and left them with nothing, but stopped by the house, for years, to abuse and harass her. The police knew he was bad news – there are 7 Scottsdale police reports in 2016 alone. The courts knew he was bad news… But they all did nothing. He was left to continue to abuse and torment his Ex-Wife and kids unabashed. The system failed The Ex-Wife.
May 2021 was when he stopped paying child support and alimony. He did however have money to purchase real estate (2 properties in Mexico). So its not that he didn’t have it, he just chose to leave his Ex-Wife and Children without the resources to live.
August of 2022 is when CPS took over the care of Gabe. Ex-Wife finally got the courage to cut off communication with Trash and would no longer answer the phone. Trash’s only communication method at the moment is Email, so the abuse is minimum as he knows it is documented and can be used against him.
In 2023 CPS garnished Trash’s bank accounts to pay for the back child support. He was livid – he continued to call and harrass The Ex-Wife to sign a document stating he overpaid and give him back the money. CPS did NOT give the money to The Ex-Wife. They kept it to pay for Gabe’s care now that he is a ward of the state.
In July 2023 The Ex-Wife filed a Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance as he is almost $30k in arrears. The pre-hearing was in September; hearing date was agreed upon by all parties to take place in November. Both she and Trash got the same instructions for submitting exhibits and filing the correct documentation – Notice of Issues and Pre-Hearing Statement. A woman who speaks English as a second language, has zero financial resources made the time to learn about the requirements, shared exhibits with Trash via email and the Court via CaseLines, and completed and filed the correct documentation. She was prepared for the hearing. Trash, who speaks English as his first language, is technically savvy, knows how the system works as he has manipulated it for years – did absolutely nothing. He spent his time traveling through Europe and partying in Mexico with Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short). No doubt his plan was to waltz into the hearing and manipulate the court (and intimidate The Ex-Wife with documents and points that are irrelevant). His plan was thwarted when the Judge changed the hearing to be online via Microsoft Teams as he had been exposed to COVID. He had zero excuse for not being prepared. Instead of being held in contempt of court, he was awarded an extension. The Judge gave him another change to get his “evidence” in. The hearing in was rescheduled; it is now Feb. 2024. I see this as all so unnecessary – All he has to do is pay her back spousal arrears as defined in the divorce decree. She came prepared to court in November – he did not. He asked for an extension and was granted one. Mind boggling. He should have been fined/arrested for contempt of court. This is just another way the current justice system fails women.
I put 2024 in the heading, because there is no doubt that the harassment will continue into next year. The Spousal Maintenance hearing is in February 2024. Gabe is still under CPS care so Trash can contact the state if he wants to make amends with his son (he has made zero effort to do so), but once Gabe is returned to his mother, if he doesn’t do as CPS requires (therapy, etc) he will not be allowed to see his child.
The Ex-Wife is still grappling with the damage caused by one man. She has no education and English is her second language, making it difficult to financially support her family on her close to minimum wage income. She is still afraid to reach out for help as she does not trust the police or the court system. She does not have many friends; she keeps to herself. She is the primary caregiver for all her children, who they themselves have issues due to growing up in an abusive household. Life has not been easy for The Ex-Wife.
I find her story horrific on so many levels. Systematic abuse, financial abuse, in addition to the physical, mental, and emotional abuse she endured by the person who was supposed to protect her. It breaks my heart. But I have come to know this woman – she is a pillar of strength and courage. She is one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I know. It is an odd circumstance to be friends with your ex’s Ex-Wife, but we have formed a friendship, and I am glad we have overcome the weirdness and are able to support each other.
She was barely existing when I met her, so afraid of everything (Trash, the courts, people, the police, etc). She is now learning and growing. She now has the confidence to face difficult and scary things (courts, CPS). She is learning to stand up for herself. She is taking advantage of resources available to her (https://freshstartwomen.org/). She is taking courses to better understand the court system, she is learning about domestic violence and learning to take better care of herself. She is even learning how to use a computer!
The Ex-Wife has faced enormous obstacles – and is overcoming them to be a stronger person and a great mom to her kids. She is an inspiration to me – She is a true survivor.
I was speaking to a friend of mine, who also dated a man who took advantage of her financially. She bought a house and hired him as a contractor to work on the home. She paid him $$ to do this work. He also lived with her, in the home, rent free. When they broke up, she gave him time to move out of the house. He declined to move out. He hired a lawyer and sued her for 1/2 of the house that SHE BOUGHT with her money. So he was NOT on on the title/deed or mortgage, had not contributed a dime to the home, was NOT paying rent, WAS receiving compensation for his work. How did it work out? She ended up having to pay him off – she paid $60k to get him to slither out of her life. Imagine that – a guy wants to use the court system to get what he think he is rightfully owed, when he put NOTHING into the asset. I feel for my friend.
After this conversation, and in preparation for my civil suit, I put together a financial impact statement to better understand the financial impact of dating Trash for 16 months. The amount? $127,311.93. Everything here has a receipt to back it up. This ONLY includes money associated with his deceit beginning June 2023.
Let’s go through each category shall we?
Business Interference
I have lost income directly due to Trash’s actions. This includes:
10.14.22 – I had to cancel a short term booking at the AZ Chandler house because I was in the middle of the eviction process resulting in a loss of $ 1,430.62.
Trash called/emailed AirBnB in late July 2023 (almost a year post breakup) and reported my Mexico B509 Condo as fraudulent / duplicate. AirBnB cancelled all the reservations. There were two at the time:
7.29.23 – 2 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 579.69.
8.18.23 – 8 night reservation, resulting in a loss of $ 1,460.64.
His actions have consequences – it’s called Tortious Interference. AirBnb has admitted that he did this. We will be amending the Civil Suit to include damages for his interference.
Repairs
Repairs include anything and everything that I had to REPAIR after he broke into my AZ Chandler House and MX Condo. What did he damage/steal:
damaged the Jandy pool filtering system,
he stole the WIFI enabled landscape timer, which had to be replaced and installed
The door between the garage and laundry room that had to be replaced, installed, etc
The $$ for the locksmiths to change the locks 2x!
The replacement and installation of outdoor lighting and cameras he stole
He stole two industrial / commercial grade hoses
The replacement of Ring doorbells and keyless entry door locks
Fraud
NOTE, I was reimbursed by the credit card company, but the total loss for just fraudulent credit card charges is $6,941.56 ($5,883.94 + $1057.62). I filed 2 police reports with Chandler police, one for each card.
Business Credit Card (4757) – $5,883.94. This is the total amount he charged on my card without authorization between June 29th – August 25 2022. He was using my business credit card to entertain other women, including Lola and Nurse N’Poop, purchasing stuff on Amazon, purchasing gas for his truck, taking people out… He had the audacity to purchase new AC units for the Mexico house, on my credit card on August 15th 2022. So starts dating Nurse N’Poop in June 2022 and has the balls to charge $2,069.00 worth of assets on my business card for his house!
This is not just me calling it fraud. I filed a fraud claim with Bank of America – they agreed with me and credited my account.
Personal Credit Card (7767) – $1,057.62 . When I cut him off from the business card, he began using ANOTHER card, 7767, to charge things. So in the first few weeks of September 2022, he racked up $1057.62 in fraudulent charges. I did not know he still had the card, he was supposed to cut it up/not use it. He didn’t use it for many months – only AFTER he was cut off from the business card did he start using the personal credit card. Meaning he did it with purpose, he knew what he was doing. Details of this are in a previous post – Credit Card Fraud — Part 1 . Bank of America agreed this was fraud and credited my account for all the charges.
Theft
$32,601.67. This is what I can account for – meaning I have the receipts of the original purchase or cash withdrawl/transfer. Yes, I poured through credit card statements and purchase websites (Amazon, Overstock, etc). It include 3 primary areas:
$22,591.59 – Replacement of all items he stole from both the AZ Chandler home and the MX B509 Condo.
$6,010.08 – My money that he stole from the safe in the MX house. It was reimbursement of the charges Trash put on my credit card. He purchased a bunch of TV’s and alcholol for bars in MX on my card – he said he forgot his card in MX and asked if he could use my card. I said yes. Once he installed them and was paid, he gave me the money, which I put in the safe. I checked that the money was there before we left town on June 20th 2022. The money was in the safe. I had contemplated taking it with me, but chose not too, as it’s expensive to withdraw USD from an ATM in Mexico. When I went to get my things from the MX house in September 2022, he had taken all the money. We are the only two that knew the code to the safe – so it was definitely him who stole it.
$4000 – Money I gave to him to give the the MX RV Painter that he spent elsewhere. When I returned to MX in September 2022 to get my things, the RV guy was livid that he hadn’t been paid and threatened to sell the RV if he was not paid. I had to scramble around for 2 days to get enough cash to pay the painter so he didn’t sell the RV. Luckily I was able to VENMO money to friends that were headed to MX and get the money to the painter before he sold the RV.
Deception
$35,469.87 – yes, this is a doozy. This is split into the following categories:
Category
Amount
Notes
Car Rental
$1,127.37
When Trash left Kanab for MX, I had to rent a car to get around and get to SLC.
Move
$7,482.08
This is the cost of the move from SLC to Arizona and the cost to move furniture from my rentals to Arizona to replace items Trash had stolen from the AZ Chandler house.
Audi Repairs / Enhancements
$1,211.49
I thought the Audi was mine, so I paid for new tires and added a hitch to the vehicle so I could tow my trailer from SLC to MX. I clearly would NOT have done this if I thought that a) the car was not mine, or b) that he was with someone else.
Lost Income
$14,230.00
I had to take a month of unpaid leave to deal with his violence and shenanigans post-breakup.
MX Kitchen Remodel*
$11,418.93
This is the money I either paid to Trash directly to pay the contractor OR money I paid, on my credit card for supplies.
I want to point out that the MX Kitchen remodel, we agreed to each pay 50%. He told me that the total was going to be $16,000. After we broke up, the contractor told me the total cost of the MX Kitchen remodel was $8,000. You got that right – he lied to me about the total cost of the remodel so that I would pay it all.
Also note, that we were NOT supposed to start the remodel until I returned, but he insisted we start it before I left. I was not comfortable with this, but I didn’t stick to my guns on it. So he had already been communicating and hanging out with the new GF when we went to the hardware store and purchased $2,595.52 worth of supplies (6/14/22 and 6/20/22).
The kitchen remodel story should be a post all on its own, it is so deceptive and egregious.
$40,000.00+ – legal fees I’ve incurred since filing the civil suit to protect myself against Trash. Money I would NEVER have had to spend had he done the right thing.
Lessons Learned
I have learned so much about myself in this fiasco.
I was obviously far too trusting with my money. It just never occurred to me that a significant other would be so deceptive and actually steal from the person that they claim to love.
I also came to the realization that I didn’t think I had anything to steal. I never thought of myself as wealthy, of possessing the kind of money that would make me a target for conmen like Trash.
I now know that I am lucky, that I do have funds that people want to steal/take and/or feel entitled to. Moving forward, in any relationship, here is my course of action:
NOT share my financial state with anyone.
Give access to my credit cards or business accounts to anyone, ever.
I will NEVER invest in another persons property/asset. If you want me to invest, put me on title.
Simplify my life so that I do not “forget” how much cash I give someone. Or better yet, take responsibility for MY STUFF, never counting on someone to own a project (RV, House Remodel, etc) on my behalf.
Reduce the amount of properties I have so I can manage them by myself, without help from a significant other.
Be careful out there peeps. It’s a dangerous world.
Today was a tough day. Today, April 26th 2023, was the Order of Possession trial in Mexico. I am physically and mentally exhausted.
What is an Order of Possession?
I cannot find any good websites that describe it, but basically, it’s a court order that states that one person has exclusive rights to occupy a unit/home. Legase for this action: “The legal mechanism known as possessory action guarantees possession of the property to the legitimate owner of an asset.”.
Trash is listed as a co-owner of the property on the private contract (explained in my Don’t Mingle Finances post), but with this court order, I am the only one who can be in possession of the condo. Meaning if Trash comes near the unit, does any damage, harms me while I am in the condo, he can be taken to Mexican jail and pay a fine. Think of it as a USA version of an Order of Protection but for a piece of property. So as long as I’m in the condo, I am safe… but if I leave the condo, and Trash decides to harm me, I will have to file a separate police report because the Order of Possession ONLY protects the condo from his wrath.
I tried to obtain the USA version of an Order of Protection in Mexico, but from what I was told by my lawyer, this is nearly impossible to obtain in MX. Apparently Mexico is behind the times when it comes to protecting victims of domestic violence. Not to say that the USA has a one up – as we all know, the US version of an OOP is just a piece of paper and law enforcement doesn’t take them seriously (otherwise Forensic Files and Dateline wouldn’t have 20+ seasons each).
Why Do I Have an Order of Possession?
Well, after I discovered Trash’s double life, I broke up with him. Since we lived together in Mexico, I needed to remove my stuff from the home we shared. We agreed that I could get all my things Labor Day Weekend in September 2022. He would not give me the code to the condo until the day I was driving down – August 31st. Throughout the following days, he would remove the code and not allow me into the condo or the MX house to obtain my things. It was a game he was playing – removing my access unless I talked with him, which I would not. Days and days of this BS, all the while he was partying it up in Prescott with Nurse Nincompoop (aka Nurse N’Poop). How he found the time to continually harass me while love bombing his new “soul mate” is beyond me. When he returned from Prescott, he broke into my Chandler home (September 7th (Home Invasion #1)). I immediately hired laywers in both the USA and Mexico. I was NOT safe and I had no idea how to protect myself.
I began working with Rogelio, my MX attorney on seeking an Order of Possession. It was granted immediately thanks Trash’s break-in on September 13th 2022 ( 1st Break-in and 2nd Break-in). Scariest day of my life. It took forever to serve him in Mexico, but once served, the Order of Possession was official. He was served while he was with Nurse N’Poop and friends at his Princesa D108 condo. Would be interesting to hear how he explained this one away.
He could have left well enough alone, after all, he has contributed $0 to the condo AND he made money on my money (Don’t Mingle Finances). But nope, he hired a laywer and appealed this Order of Possession. So today is the day of the appeal hearing – today is his day in court to prove his case – why he should also possess and occupy the unit.
What is Mexican Court Like?
Mexican court is very interesting – in some ways it’s the same as the US court system – inefficient, behind the times, etc.. What makes it extra complex for Americans is the requirement to translate EVERYTHING to Spanish. And I mean EVERYTHING.
So in the USA, when you have court, you have a judge, a court reporter, you have lawyers ask questions, witnesses give answers, etc.. Witnesses do not get to hear everyone’s testimony, they are called in when it is their turn. SAME in Mexico for the most part.
Here are the differences:
there is no judge, there is a Secretary that types the questions and answers into a computer.
there are multiple people in the room: the Secretary, the witness, the interpreter, and both lawyers.
We are each allowed 2 witnesses:
Trash picked his brother and Abe, a guy that works for him.
Representing me were:
Justine, the former condo property manager and person I was texting with during the breakin.
Cesar, the bodyguard, whom was present when Trash broke into the condo the first time and second time.
There is only one witness in the room at all times. The courtroom is a small room and there is no waiting room, so when we were not being interviewed, we stood outside or sat in our cars.
At the end of all the testimony, the lawyers and translators review the documentation.
If all looks good, the Secretary prints the documents, and everyone who participated in the day has to sign the paperwork along the borders.
Given this, it took from 11am to 5:30pm to complete all the “interviews”, prepare the documents, and have everyone sign the documents.
So What Happens Now?
The judge will get a file that is thick as thieves — evidence submitted (police reports, ring doorbell recordings, apostiled documents from the USA (my order of protection, the financial statements that show I paid 100% for the condo, all of the Chandler police reports, etc), witness statements from the court hearing today, etc.. The judge will determine the outcome. I understand he will make a decision within 3-5 months. While the court is making its decision, the Order of Protection stands in place.
So, we wait.
Why was this so hard for Me?
It’s the first time I have seen him since the USA Order of Protection hearing on Nov. 9th (OOP Upheld). So the good news is he looks HORRIBLE. I can’t believe that I found him even remotely attractive at any point. His beer gut, his man boobs, and now he has a short haircut that makes his head look like a special needs child that needs a helmet. Outside of his physical appearance, I clearly saw him for who he really is – a conman, a self-entitled, selfish, sociopath narcissist – a what is yours is mine guy that has zero moral compass.
It shook me hard. It’s like a lightning bolt hit me – I was way too trusting, too nice. There was evil on this earth and I saw it in him.
I’ve been in shock since August of last year. I don’t go out, I don’t get to know people. I am alone almost 100% of the time. It has been really hard for me to come to grips with the fact that I was with someone that I thought I knew, but in the end, it was never real:
He knowingly lied to me (he never had the money for the condo); he never intended to pay me back for his 1/2 of the condo
He took all the rental income; did not give me a penny
And now he wants to profit from my investment
He was not in a committed, monogamous relationship as he presented to me – he had been having sex with anyone who would have him (so gross)
Nothing about him is or was real. I’m still shook by all of this. Since November 2022, I have basically been self isolating. I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, I don’t want want or need any drama in my life. I don’t go out. I work from home… I’ve gone weeks without leaving my house (thank you Door Dash!).
Right now, I’m just done. I’m done with people, with humans….. I need to find a therapist to help me through this period. Just know I’m working on it. I’ll get there. But if you do not hear from me, it’s because I am trying to figure things out and heal myself.
Lessons Learned
Same lessons I speak of all my previous posts – don’t trust anyone:
Always do a background check before dating anyone (I use Truthfinder)
Speak to the ex prior to engaging in the new relationship
Never co-mingle money
Please pass / forward this blog onto other women who may be going through the same thing. The more we ladies a) stick together, and b) learn from each other, the less havoc these conmen will wreak in our lives.
I’m going to bed now. Going to have a good cry, hug my new cat Josie, and hope that I can sleep as I have a shit-ton of work to do tomorrow.
My fight to financially untangle myself from my Ex.
In February 2022 I purchased a condo in Mexico. Trash and I were to go in on it 50/50. Purchase price was $250,000. The day before we were to close, Trash told me that he didn’t want to sell his stock (which is where he said he was getting his half of the purchase). He sad he would pay me back when the market improved, SO I paid for the condo myself — 100%. I got the money for this purchase by refinancing my house in Salt Lake City Utah. I was fortunate to pay all cash for the condo.
Because of the anti-laundering laws in Mexico, they would not let me wire the money from my Bank of America account because According to Mexico laws, any account that has the words “living trust” or “trustee” in it is not considered a personal checking account. Here are the emails I received the day before closing.
Email #1 from Closing CoordinatorEmail #2 from Closing Coordinator
So the end result of this email exchange is that the Mexico title company could not accept the money from my account. And we were closing the very next day — Feb. 25th 2022. Given that we needed a quick solution — I transferred the total amount required to close Trash’s Bank of America account and he wired it to the title company.
What I did not do, and the biggest mistake of my life thus far, is remove Trash’s name from the Private Contract. I didn’t think to do this because he said he would pay me back. Big Mistake.
Now Trash is trying to take the condo from me — saying it’s 50% his since his name is on the Private Contract and is demanding that I pay him 1/2 — which would be approximately $150,000. It’s a big mess that I am trying to work out here in Mexico right now. Lawyers in Mexico are not cheap…. but what else can I do?
He continues to tell people that it is HIS condo and that I am stealing it from him. He’s waving around a piece of paper that says he paid for the condo and I’m squatting. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I purchased the condo. I wanted a place for my parents to stay when they come out to visit me in the winter (they live in Pennsylvania). Outside of this, we would use it as a short term rental.
Facts are:
I transferred all the closing money, a total of $255,395.24 from my Bank of America account to Trash’s Bank of America on Feb. 25, 2022.
I also paid for the earnest money deposit of $5,000. So I paid a total of totaling $260,395.24
I paid for any/all repairs or improvements. All charges were put on a credit card THAT I PAID FOR.
I never saw a dime of the short term rental proceeds. As I understand it now, he has grossed over $16,000 between March — August 2022.
I moved into the condo early September 2022 when I moved out of Trash’s house in MX. Our house that HE stayed in with his new girlfriend. Told me she was an “old friend” and that I had met her before (more on this later)..
So now I have two attorneys — one in the US and one in MX to fight for what is mine.
Lessons learned:
never ever ever mix finances with anyone, let alone a narcissist. They believe what is yours is theirs.. and will fight for it.
They will steal from you and not feel bad about it at all. They have zero integrity or any moral compass….
They will never do the right thing — in their mind it is all about them and what is owed to them.
At the end of the day, I am spending a lot of money on lawyers and a lot of time fighting for what is rightfully mine. This lesson is the hardest lesson I’m learning and the hardest battle I’m fighting to date. So save yourself the headache and heartache— never ever mix finances with an ex, let alone a Narcissist.
Paula's Ponderings 