Justice & Navigating US Court Systems

AZ Civil Suit Update

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Ever faced a storm of betrayal so fierce that it led you to the doors of justice? I have! As you know I filed a Civil Suit against Trash, but there is not a “one stop shop” post that speaks directly to the what and why of it all. This post is my journey through the twists and turns of this legal battle in my pursuit for justice and restitution.

In December of 2022, I initiated a Civil Suit for Fraud and Theft, thrusting myself into a legal battle that sought to unveil the deceit that defined my relationship with Trash. The case encapsulated three critical elements:

  • Fraud. His deception extended beyond mere betrayal, involving a sham down payment for a condo in Mexico. As the relationship unraveled, he clung to ill-gotten gains, refusing to return a substantial $130k deposit or remove his name from the condo contract.
  • Theft. The fallout of our breakup extended beyond emotional scars, manifesting as the unlawful pilfering of over $12,000 worth of my belongings from my Arizona home. Seeking justice meant not just reclaiming possessions but also recovering from the emotional toll.
  • Punitive damages. Lies and deception became the architect of my major life decisions. The court, I believed, would recognize the gravity of the deception and award punitive damages.

The year 2023 became a battleground where justice was sought through the civil court system. In my quest for resolution, this post is divided into several digestible sections, each unraveling a distinct aspect of the tumultuous journey:

  1. Why I Filed
    1. The Process – Preparing for Trial
    2. The Outcome – Closing This Chapter
  2. The Civil Suit Components
    1. Fraud
    2. Theft
    3. Punitive Damages
  3. Life Beyond the Settlement

Why I Filed

In the aftermath of discovering Trash’s betrayal, I faced a stark choice: to walk away or confront the storm of deceit head-on. The path of least resistance was clear—he could have spared us both the agony and financial burden by doing the right thing. The simple and most reasonable solution was for him to remove his name from the Mexico condo contract, return what he stole (part 1 – art, part 2 – household goods) and reimbursing me for expenses I would not have otherwise incurred had he just been honest with me about what he wanted. Alas, simplicity was not in his playbook.

All I did was walk away, seeking solace in the aftermath of lies, deception, and betrayal. I wanted nothing more than to sever ties and move on, leaving Trash to navigate his newfound ‘happily ever after” with is new “soulmate” Nurse N’Poop. Yet, he opted for a more tumultuous route, dragging us both into the throes of a legal battle costing tens of thousands of dollars.

The timeline tells the tale:

  • August 2022: The shattering discovery of deception led to my decision to part ways, documented in raw and emotional posts here and here.
  • September 2022: Trash’s transgressions escalated as he forcibly entered my Arizona home, leaving a trail of theft amounting to over $22,000.
  • October 2022: Legal intervention became imperative, leading to his eviction and a judgment for $11,053.00 in damages.
  • November 2022: Seeking protection from his actions, I secured an Order of Protection, accompanied by a judgment for Legal Fees totaling $3,932.50.
  • December 2022: Despite every opportunity to do right, Trash refused to return the $130k loan for the Mexico Condo, leaving me no choice but to file a civil suit.

My sole recourse became the legal system—a decision not made lightly but driven by the necessity to safeguard my assets and reclaim what was rightfully mine. Late in December 2022, I initiated the Civil Suit, embarking on a journey to reclaim not only possessions but a some semblance of justice in the wake of deception.

Read more about Civil Suits and the Arizona legal system here.

The Process – Preparing for Trial

Let me just start and say that civil suits take fooorrreeevvveeerrrr. Years. The journey through the legal process was a labyrinthine expedition, marked by hurdles and unforeseen challenges. There are 6 major steps in any civil suit:

When I filed and Trash was notified, the case was sent to the court. Steps 3 and 4 is what I went through in 2023.

The first was collecting and preparing all the documentation for Discovery of Evidence- This phase is where I submit evidence to support my claim and Trash submits evidence to dispute my claim. When Trash did submit his response, he basically perjured himself by creating the fabricated invoice to “make up” for the $130k he owed me for the Mexican Condo. I provided evidence that his invoice was a fake – This should have been the time that his lawyer fired him as a client.

During the Discovery phase is also when people can be subpoenaed for depositions. My lawyer and I were planning on both subpoenaing Nurse N’Poop for testimony re: their relationship (dates and times were critical in my case) AND knowledge of the stolen items AS WELL AS modifying the lawsuit to include Nurse N’Poop as a Defendant because I could prove she was in possession of stolen goods. That’s right, Trash furnished Nurse N’Poops house with MY (and Lola’s) stuff. If she didn’t know already, she was about to become VERY AWARE that her house is furnished with ex-girlfriends’ belongings.

Attempt At Settlement – It was clear after receiving this invoice that we were going to trial. But with the civil suit exceeding $200k, mediation is a mandatory step. Yet, the wheels of justice turned agonizingly slow – mediation was scheduled 4 months after discovery and almost a year after the initial filing – scheduled for November 3rd 2023.

2023 was a tough year – I was literally just trying to keep my head above water:

  • Juggling Responsibilities: Balancing a demanding full-time job while grappling with the intricacies of the legal battle demanded resilience. Each day brought a new set of challenges that required both mental and emotional fortitude.
  • Collecting the Arsenal: Spare moments were transformed into a relentless pursuit of documentation. Armed with evidence, I aimed to bolster my case and prove the validity of my claims. The meticulous compilation of information was both a necessity and a strategic move in the legal chess game.
  • The Constant Harassment and Bullying: The aftermath of the breakup manifested in relentless harassment and systematic bullying orchestrated by Trash. In a blatant violation of the US Order of Protection, my existence was haunted by a series of confrontations and hostilities.

Surviving a Year of Harassment and Turmoil:

  • Wire Fraud: 2023 kicked off with a bout of wire fraud in January.
  • Dealing with DirecTV, Chandler Police, and the Arizona District Attorney: Navigating the intricate webs of communication with DirecTV, local law enforcement, and the Arizona District Attorney consumed the the entire year, focusing on issues of identity theft.
  • Dealing with the Bank re: Credit Card Fraud: The struggle extended into the financial realm, with the need to untangle the web of credit card fraud, an ordeal that persisted from January through June.
  • AirBnB Woes: The harassment only continued… in July Trash falsely reported my AirBnb Mexican Condo listing as a fraudulent. Everyone knows that AirBnB customer service is horrific… it was soooo painful to get my condo listing reactivated. I never did get the cancelled reservations back, losing income because of Trash’s actions.

As the calendar finally turned to November 3rd, 2023, and the mediation session loomed, I found myself at the crossroads of exhaustion and determination, clear on what I wanted from all of this – I wanted what was rightfully mine and I wanted peace.

The Outcome – Closing This Chapter

The much-anticipated mediation session unfolded throughout November 2023 – a lengthy process that spanned three weeks and involved a staggering 26 hours of mediation, with the mediator charging $600 per hour($15,600 in total). This financial investment, coupled with my own lawyers legal fees, marked a substantial cost for seeking resolution.

The negotiation was a battlefield in itself, with approximately 6 hours dedicated to discussions about the condo, return of stolen items and financial reimbursement for legal fees, replacement items, and repairs for the damage Trash did to my home . However, a significant chunk—20 hours—was spent on negotiating the terms of what I could and could not reveal about the settlement. It was a surreal that the main component of the settlement involved silencing my voice, as Trash aimed to shield friends and the public from the truth so he could continue to lie, cheat, and steal without consequence.

I am NOT able to speak about the terms of the settlement, only that a settlement has been reached. The finalization of everything came in early January 2024, and the court record show the case was officially dismissed on February 8th 2024.

The question is —am I content with the outcome?

The truth is both yes and no.

Yes – The resolution brings me some joy and satisfaction as I achieved a paramount goal: putting an end to this ugly chapter in my life. As 2023 ended, I wanted to step into the new year unburdened by the shadows of harassment, bullying, and intimidation. I had a very strong case, with significant evidence to back up my claims, but at the end of the day, the case would have drug on for another 1-2 years. I did NOT want that. Thus, I made the decision to settle, not out of contentment but out of a fervent desire to sever all ties from Trash and the past.

No – because at the end of the day, Trash and men like him are never held accountable for their actions. They continue to hurt people, steal things, and never face the consequences for their actions.

Entering 2024, I carry the scars of this legal battle, but the mess is finally behind me. In the upcoming posts, I will delve into my plans for the year— I want nothing to do with Trash, so unless he acts up and does something stupid, there will be no more posts about him and the past. My focus is to thrive in 2024. Stay tuned for more on this journey towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding after the storm.

The Civil Suit Components

Fraud, Theft, and Punitive Damages were the crux of the civil suit. See details of each below.

Fraud

Protecting a Dream, Unveiling Deceit

The centerpiece of the legal battle was my cherished condo in Mexico. To shield this prized possession, I took two crucial steps:

  1. Order of Possession in Mexico: A strategic move to secure my rights over the condo, which proved successful in the legal arena: MX Order of Possession Update
  2. Fraud Civil Suit in the USA (Arizona): A decision born out of necessity as negotiations with an injured Narcissist is not possible. The resolution would have to be settled in a court of law – aka the Civil Suit (settlement reached, this post).

The Condo: A Broken Agreement

Trash and I embarked on a shared venture, a 50-50 partnership in a Mexican condo, envisaging mutual investment and shared responsibilities. However, the reality deviated dramatically:

  • Offer Made, Agreement Broken: The agreement to evenly split costs and returns took a sharp turn a day before closing, thrusting me into an unexpected financial quandary.
  • Extortion Unveiled: Post-breakup, seeking the return of the $130k loan was met with laughter and an audacious demand for $150k cash, a stark act of extortion.

Proving Fraud: Unveiling the Lies

Confidence in my case surged when I uncovered a critical piece of evidence during the arduous task of removing Trash’s belongings from my home after the eviction:

  • The Unseen Paper: A 2021 Summary Statement from Trash’s stock account, dated January 2022, became the linchpin of the fraud case. With a mere $91k, not the required $130k, it laid bare the intentional deception.
  • Serving Justice with His Own Documents: Trash’s stock account became the key instrument of justice. The very document he left behind was now the linchpin to expose the financial falsehoods.

This paper, a single document, stood as a testament to his clear intention to deceive me – which is clearly fraud:

  • His initial statements during the purchase process were false and misleading.
  • Trash made the statements KNOWING it was false and misleading.
  • His statements led me to enter into the transaction.
  • I have suffered harm as the result of his misrepresentation.
2022-01-Ameritrade stock 91k
Trash stock account w/o enough $$ to pay for his 1/2 of the condo.
NOTE
I would have thrown everything out after the eviction was complete, but my lawyer said the courts would look favorably upon me returning “items of meaning” to him. So I had to go through all of his shit, including boxes and boxes of documentation that he left at my house after the eviction… It was a horrible task to do at that time. But I did it and found multiple pieces of documentation that would support my case. Trash is too lazy to take his stuff, but fully capable of stealing my stuff. Serves him right that his very own stuff be used against him in court.

Theft

In the aftermath of the breakup, the betrayal extended beyond the confines of our relationship. While squatting in my Chandler home, Trash engaged in a brazen act of theft, leaving an indelible mark on my personal space and well-being. If the criminal courts were not going to hold him accountable, I was going to do it via the civil court system. Trash was nothing but a criminal and I wanted it called out in the civil case so that he could be prosecuted.

The Pilfered Art and Priceless Memories

  • Artwork: Among the stolen treasures were pieces of artwork, each carrying its own story and sentimental value. The loss transcended mere monetary worth, striking at the heart of cherished memories and personal expression. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal What You Love — Part 1.

Daily Essentials and Critical Items

  • Anything and Everything that was mine. The theft extended to everyday household items. Again, he left his items at my house and instead chose to steal all my stuff. Items including furniture, rugs, bedding, luggage racks, vacuums, towels, short term rental supplies such as cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, etc. and more. NONE of which he paid for. You can read the story and see the pictures in this post: They Steal Whatever They Want – Part 2.

Each item I had paid for. And I was forced to repurchase everything, forcing me to suspend renting the home until I could get it back to a rentable condition, thus significantly impacting me financially.

Punitive Damages

The repercussions of Trash’s deceit transcended financial losses; they reshaped the very fabric of my and my parents life. Each decision based on his lies altered the course of our lives in ways we could never have foreseen.

The Domino Effect of Deception

  • Selling the Salt Lake City House: At a crucial juncture when decisions were being made based on a shared future, the sale of my Salt Lake City house unfolded under the shadow of deception. I would NEVER have sold my home had I known about his new girlfriend, his affair with Lola, or any of his other affair partners (FWB – Friends with Benefits girls, random girls he picked up and f*&ked). I would have just left Mexico, gone back home to Salt Lake City, and let that be the end.. The sheer fact that he deceived me when making the decision to sell in May, receiving and accepting the offer in June, then closing in late July… NOT ONCE did he mention that he didn’t want to be with me, that he had acquired a new girlfriend, that he was still sleeping with his ex Lola, etc. This level of deceit should be illegal and he should pay for the consequences of his deception.
  • Relocation to Arizona: The plan was to move permanently to Mexico, a decision WE CAME TO TOGETHER, grounded in the belief of a shared future, never materialized. Instead, I ended up moving to Arizona into the home I purchased sight unseen as a short-term-rental. I never wanted to live in Arizona…. But here I am, living in a state I have yet to fall in love with, where I had ZERO friends…. being forced to “start fresh” in a location that was not of my choosing. The only reason I am in Arizona is because of Trash’s active and calculated deceit, which he should pay for.

The Unraveling of Plans

  • Parental Displacement: The decision to uproot their lives was not just a physical relocation but a separation from the familiar, fun get-togethers we had on a weekly basis. In all honesty, I feel he stole from me the ability to be close to my family. We both now live in places, many states away, and are only able to see each other once or twice a year, vs. weekly. I miss them so much, it is heart-breaking.
  • The Sale of the St. George Condo: The decision to part with a beautiful condo in St. George, Utah, was not just a financial transaction. It symbolized the relinquishing of dreams and the surrender of a cherished sanctuary in exchange for creating a shared future with Trash. My parents and I loved this condo, we were there quite often…. but it didn’t “fit” within the plans Trash and I had made, so I/we made the decision to sell. Mind you, while we discussed this, he was still having sex with his ex, Lola. The betrayal and deceit was organized, planned, and intentional.

The Price Beyond Dollars

Beyond the tangible financial losses, the toll on our emotional well-being was immeasurable. The weight of decisions made under false pretenses is something I felt the court and/or jury would see and agree – thereby rewarding punitive damages in the $100’s of thousands of dollars.

As I sought punitive damages in the civil suit, it was not merely a pursuit of reparation for financial losses but a quest for acknowledgment of the profound impact on lives, relationships, and the very essence of what home and family mean to me.

Life Beyond the Settlement

Entering 2024, scars of the legal battle remain, but the mess is behind me. In upcoming posts, the focus of this blog will be about living and thriving in 2024, leaving Trash and the past behind me. The journey continues towards reclaiming joy and rebuilding myself, my savings account after the horrible storm.

Join me on this journey as we turn the page, closing this chapter and embracing a new chapter full of hope, joy, travel, and fun with family and friends.

Navigating Systematic Failures

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I ran across this story written by Annah Mason a few weeks ago. She names her abuser, speaks to the history of his abuse, and calls out those in his circle that enabled him to abuse so many women. The comments section includes other women he abused in the same way. Just a sad tale of how people like Michael May and Trash get away with their abuse over an extended period of time.

It got me thinking about my own experience. 16 months with Trash and I’ve been set back in so many ways:

  • Financial: over $100k in stolen money, goods, moving costs, lost income, etc. It is going to take a long time to get myself back on track for early retirement.
  • Systematic: going through the court system in an attempt to right a wrong has shown me that a) no woman is safe in the USA, and b) the system is absolutely NOT set up to protect women from serial abusers. It was all an illusion.
  • Emotional: I no longer see this world through the same eyes; I have lost my innocence and faith in humanity. There are so many users, abusers, conmen among us. It has definitely influenced the way I see and interact with people.

Trash has a path of destruction behind him. I am aware of 3 other women before me that had a similar experience with Trash. I am lucky in that I didn’t lose everything and I had the means to stand up for myself. Filing the Civil Suit was not just about me, it was a way for me to get “justice” for the harm Trash has caused the women before me, and quite frankly, more broadly for all the women who have been unable to fight.

But I learned a very hard lesson. I no longer believe is justice. I no longer feel safe. I clearly see that I had a false sense of safety here in the USA; it is all an illusion. Based on my experience and the experience of these other women, the system is set up to protect abusers, not victims. Below I write about the path of destruction in Trash’s wake, and my experience with the systems that has allowed him to continue to abuse anyone he comes across.

History of Abuse

If you listen to Trash tell the story, all the women before me were “crazy”: His now ex-wife only used him for his money so she could live the “Scottsdale Wife” life. Betsy had kids that didn’t respect him, Lisa was “crazy”. Given his smear campaign against me, I’m 100% sure I’m on the long list of “crazy ex-girlfriends” – That is a lot of crazy ex’s for one fellow.

While I was preparing for my Civil Suit, my Lawyer, Mark, asked me to find out more about Trash’s history. Why did. he ask me to do this? Because In Civil Court, the reputation of the parties involved is very important as a jury will use it as a way to determine someone’s character and truthfulness. The lawsuit was about fraud and deception (Mexican Condo); stolen property All I need to do is sway the jury that I’m more credible than Trash…… So I set forth to gather evidence … started with police reports and speaking with the people he has interacted with… What I learned was that my situation was not unique, that he is a depraved, despicable person who has a trail of destruction and inhumanity behind him.

Below are the tales of the 3 women before me:

So from 1999 to today, Trash has abused at least 4 women (5 if you count “The Russian” he was caught with the first time the Ex-Wife caught him cheating). I’m 100% confident there are more than this, but this gives you an idea how long he has gotten away with being a serial abuser. Its the same old pattern with every lady:

  • Physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive
  • Inability to stay faithful while in an exclusive relationship; all the while claiming he is “not a cheater”
  • Using the court systems and social media to harass and intimidate his victims
  • Using lies and manipulation to control people

Systems that Let Abusers Further Hurt Victims

My experience is that the systems that are currently in place support criminals and abusers and not victims they say they “protect and serve”.

Criminal Court (The Police)

In criminal court, the government files a case against someone for committing a crime. In my case alone, I filed a total of 8 police reports with the Chandler Arizona police:

Not a single one was addressed by the criminal court system. And when I reported these crimes, the police treated me with indifference at best. It was if I was bothering them. They truly could not have cared less.

The home break-in report, stolen items reports, and credit card fraud reports were filed in the “it’s a civil matter” bucket and the police wiped there hands of it. This means that Trash basically got away with robbing me, stealing from Bank of America, as well as the green light to break-in whenever he pleased. This is why I was forced to go the eviction and Order of Protection (OOP) route (see Civil Court below).

Two of the reports, identify theft and wire fraud were submitted to the DA for prosecution. Since these are criminal matters, I do not get a say – the AZ District Attorney gets to decide if they will prosecute.  I received a letter a week ago stating they were not going to proceed with prosecution in the identify theft matter. I was given the opportunity to speak with the DA covering the case – Janine L. She is a lovely woman. She agreed that Trash did all the things he did – he created the fake emails, he used my PII to create DirecTV accounts. But because I found out BEFORE he charged my card for the services, they would not proceed. I asked her – “what should I have done in order for this case to be prosecuted?” The answer: Let him charge the services to my credit card. Yes. That’s right. The only way that would move forward with prosecution is if I let myself be MORE of a victim. Basically, I was too diligent – I cancelled the card he intended to use to pay for the fraudulent services. 

In The Ex-Wife’s case, there were 6 police reports in Scottsdale in 2016 for abuse…. only one resulted in consequences (a single night in jail and fines). The others were filed and forgotten.

In Lola’s case, she filed a few reports and nothing was done. As a matter of fact, the police told her that she would go to Jail if she pressed charges because Trash also called the police and their stories were conflicting. Same experience the women had in this article.

So within a 6 year period (2016 through 2022), Trash has had 25 run-ins with the police / court system that I am aware of:

  • 15 Police Reports (8-me, Lola-1, The Ex-Wife-6) filed against him. And this is just what I was able to find, I’m sure there are far more as tracking this stuff down requires you to go to each county to file and pay for the reports.
  • 3 OOP’s filed against him (2 from Betsy in 2017 and 2018, 1 from me in 2022)
  • 3 Speeding Tickets – “SPEED GREATER THAN REASONABLE AND PRUDENT“
  • 4 Evictions (see Civil Courts below):
    • October  2022 – Me, Paula.
    • March   2021 – Lola
    • September 2017 – The Ex-Wife
    • October  2016 – who knows….poor girl…

NOTE: This list DOES NOT include:

  • Any incidents filed with the Family Courts.
  • Any other OOPs that may have been filed as OOPs are NOT covered under the Freedom of Information Act. So NO ONE can find out if someone is dangerous. I would think a company would want to know if a potential employee is safe entering peoples homes. Or we ladies want to be safe and research a potential suitor. There is no way to find this information. IMO, people with OOPs should be registered offenders just like sex offenders. It’s mind boggling me to me that this information is NOT readily available. Jees.

So in summary, the Police are not your friends. I believe they have a bias against survivors, choosing to NOT believe the victims, especially in the case of domestic violence or partner abuse. When they don’t take action to protect the vulnerable, they are in fact protecting the abusers and thieves of this world. It is no wonder that crime is on the rise and specifically familial crimes are on the rise – no one is holding the criminals accountable.

Civil Court (Civil Suits, Evictions, Divorce, Order of Protection, etc)

In civil court, one person sues (files a case) against another person because of a dispute or problem between them.

In my case, I have had THREE interactions with the Civil Courts while dealing with Trash’s shenanigans:

First I will say that this is a VERY EXPENSIVE route to go. Given this, most people cannot go this route. I know that Lola was not able to get her things back because she didn’t have the money to fight in court. You typically have to hire a lawyer, in some cases a mediator, and the process can take years. It is not for the faint of heart.

Second, even if you have the funds to fight in court, the fact is, even if you win, the garnishment process is a bitch. It is very hard to get the funds you are awarded in court from the perpetrator. In the OOP and Eviction cases, I was awarded judgement. I’m “lucky” in the sense that I had Trash’s banking account information, so we were able to garnish his accounts. But he knows how to play the game – he just moved his money around – out of his accounts and into new accounts that I did not have the account details for. So even if you do win a judgement, the only way to truly collect is to put a lien on the perpetrators assets. And I know this because in Trash’s case, all his other eviction liens where satisfied with the sale of his marital home in 2020. So the folks that had to evict Trash in 2016 and 2017 didn’t get their judgements awarded until 2020 when Trash sold the marital home. Myself and some poor bastard in the 2021 eviction are still waiting to collect. And since he doesn’t own a home here in Arizona, the only asset we can put a lien on at this time are his automobiles. It’s just not right or fair that it sits on the victim to have to chase these criminals down – there should be an easier way to make victims whole.

Let’s Talk about Order of Protection (OOP)

I applied for and was granted an OOP. Trash appealed it so I hired a lawyer to represent me in court. The Judge made it clear to Trash that if he loses, he has to pay my attorneys fees. Of course my evidence for the OOP was rock solid, so the OOP was upheld and a judgement for legal fees was granted. Going to my second point above, it’s difficult to collect.

In addition, both the wire fraud and the airBnB business interference violate the Order of Protection, but who’s enforcing it? Clearly the police aren’t. And do I want to spend MORE money going through the civil courts to have him held accountable? Honestly, the OOP is meant to protect, but I do not feel any safer having it. It would require the police take protection orders seriously and act appropriately when abusers violate them – but I’ve seen nothing of the sort. So I will be taking matters into my own hands in 2024.

Family Court

This one is a doozy. I have only dipped my toe into the family courts as I do not children and my divorce years ago was amicable. My experience with the Family Courts are recent and are entirely based on Lola’s and The Ex-Wife’s experiences.

First and foremost, holy smokes what an inefficient system. The latest example of this is The Ex-Wife’s Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance in July 2023. All she wants is for all Spousal Support to be paid so she can be done with him. He stopped paying in May 2021, last required payment was Nov. 2023.

First, why does the victim have to go back to the courts and ask for what has already been agreed to by all parties??? Why are the courts not enforcing it? Why was he not hunted down in June 2021 when he missed his first payment in May 2021?? Why do the courts not enforce Child Support and Spousal Maintenance?

Second, why do you have to have money to be represented?!? The Ex-Wife has zero money. She was a stay-at-home mom, taking care of her family while her then-husband advanced his career. She got her first minimum wage job in August of 2016. She is in no way able to represent herself, but there are no resources available to her. All she needs is a lawyer that will represent her in court. Why do criminals get court appointed lawyers in criminal cases, but stay-at-home mothers don’t get a lawyer to represent them in Family Court??!?!?

Its sooo intimidating. I was intimidated but I am tech savvy and know how to get answers. The Ex-Wife speaks Arabic; English is her second language. Yes she can get an interpreter, but she needs help with context, the why something is happening. In addition, the legalize required to navigate the system and the way you need to speak in court is like learning a whole new language. Again, why do mothers NOT get a lawyer to help with representation like criminals do?!?!

And back to the inefficiency.

  • In July 2023 The Ex-Wife filed a Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance as he is almost $30k in arrears. She came prepared to court in November – he did not. He asked for an extension and was granted one. Mind boggling. He should have been fined/arrested for contempt of court. This is just another way the current justice system fails women.
  • Instead of the courts forcing him to abide by a court order (divorce decree), He gets another chance to do what he was supposed to do in the first place, causing more stress and angst for The Ex-Wife. In an ideal world, she shouldn’t even have to file the Petition – it should just be upheld and the courts should garnish his bank accounts just like they did for Child Support. Why is the system like this?!?

In my quest to understand the Family Court system, I joined a few FaceBook Family Law Support Groups a did a lot of Googling. I learned that the The Ex-Wife’s experience is all to common:

I’ve come to the conclusion that that the Family Court system is fundamentally broken. Abusers manipulating the courts, filling unnecessary motions, delaying hearings, drag the process out for years with the sole purpose of torturing their victims and avoiding responsibility. The biggest losers of it all are the single mothers who bear the brunt of caring for kids without any financial or institutional support. They are truly victimized twice – by their abuser and by the courts.

Why is it like this? Why has it not changed? This experience was a(nother) real eye-opener for me – and knowing what I know now, I would highly recommend that women NOT have children or get married until this institution has changed to protect vs. betray women and children.

Lessons Learned

All I can say is that Women – do NOT get married or have children. If you don’t pick the right person and things end badly, if you are not rich or do not have a support system, you will be brutalized by both the abuser AND the system, or quite frankly, with the wrong partner, could end up dead.

In addition, when it comes to the OOP, my experience is that the Police do not care. After several violations, Trash was not admonished, no repercussions for his violations. Now maybe thats because it was not physical abuse, but either way, seems like all it is is a piece of paper and its worth nothing. As I mentioned above, not only do the Police not seem to give a shit, OOP information is NOT readily available as it is not covered under the Freedom of Information Act. So essentially, there is NO WAY for any woman to find out if someone has an active or previous OOP. This seems wildly unfair to women – there is just no way to protect yourself in this day and age. It seems very clear to me that men/abusers who have OOP’s against them, they can continue to abuse, intimidate, harass without penalty/repercussion. This is sanctioned systematic assault on women.

Statistics prove this is true –

  • Nov 2023: More women and girls killed in 2022 even as overall homicide numbers fall, says new research from UNODC and UN Women
    • “Fifty-five per cent (48,800) of all female homicides are committed by family members or intimate partners, underscoring the disturbing reality that home is far from a safe haven for women and girls. This means that, on average, more than 133 women or girls were killed every day by someone in their own home. In contrast, 12 per cent of homicides against males are perpetrated in the home.“
    • “While Central and South America experienced a decline in yearly killings between 2017 and 2022 (by 10% and 8% respectively), Northern America witnessed a significant increase (by 29%)“
  • National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
    • “1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner“
    • “72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female.“
    • “The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%” (Trash has guns).

The statistics are not our favor ladies. From what I’ve researched, the laws are not changing here in Arizona, or in the USA for that matter. Go here for stats by State.

Safety is an illusion – we ladies are not safe. It’s high time I get a gun and learn self-defense. Just two of my many 2024 goals. I highly recommend you do the same.

2013 – 2018: Betsy

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I do not know Betsy. I have not meet her. I have her contact information but I have not reached out to her as I do not want to re-traumatize her.

Betsy is a beautiful single mother of 3 kids, 2 daughters and 1 son. She is a slender brunette with beautiful brown eyes. Her kids are all grown up now and are beautiful as well. Based on the family photos she has on Facebook, they seem to be a close-knit family.

I’m guessing Betsy and Trash met in 2013. I assume they met through the dating apps. They started living together in 2014 according to The Ex-Wife and court documents. Yes, Trash was still very married to his now Ex-Wife and had 3 kids at home (he filed for divorce in 2016. Divorce was final in January of 2018).

Here is what Trash told me about Betsy:

  • She is/was a manager at a large retail store, had a good job and was well respected.
  • She doesn’t keep house; he had to pay for a cleaner in order to stay/live at her house.
  • She was insecure and had issues with trust.
  • She was obsessed with him and started stalking him when they broke up.
  • She let her kids disrespect him.

One story he shared with me was when I was living with him (2022) and we were visiting a new-to-me neighborhood in Rocky Point Mexico. As we were driving and walking around, he shared the following story with me: He said that he had stayed a long weekend with Betsy at this location and they fought a lot while on that trip because she was insecure. I asked him if he had cheated on her, he was adamant he didn’t. He did say that he was on a break from Lola and JustineB when he hooked up with Betsy. Then he went back to one of these girls (not sure who). Betsy was upset about him not wanting to be with her that she began stalking him.

I had NEVER heard of anything like this. Clearly I lived a sheltered, drama free life because this was so shocking to me. A) who does this – breaks up and gets back together with people, and B) who gets back together with an ex?!!?!

So what now makes a lot more sense and is backed up by documentation:

  • He was with Betsy. Betsy thought they were in an exclusive relationship.
  • He “Broke up”(in his mind) with Betsy to be with Lola and/or JustineB. I doubt Betsy thought they were broken up.
  • Then he “broke up” with Lola and/or JustineB to be with Betsy for this weekend. I’m sure that Trash said things to indicate they were getting back together. My guess is after this weekend, Betsy found out about the other two ladies, and broke up with Trash for good.

Basically, he was with Betsy and was seeing Lola and JustineB at the same time (triangulation). In speaking with Lola, he would go back and forth between the ladies. Given this, I think the truth is, that Betsy was NOT aware of his activities with other ladies, and when she found out, she kicked him out sometime in 2017. He harassed and threatened to the point she was able to successfully get an Order of Protection (OOP) against him.

I know this because I found a second OOP in 2018 that stated she had an OOP in 2017. How did I get this document? When I evicted Trash from my home in 2022, he didn’t take his stuff (he took mine). Since he didn’t pick it up, it was mine to dispose of as I saw fit. My lawyer told me the court would look favorably upon me if I went through his stuff and returned “sentimental items“. So yes, not only was I heartbroken, in shock, but I was being told I needed to go through all of Trash’s shit and determine what was sentimental to him and save it so I could return it.

What did I find? I found several documents that made my skin crawl. Why? Because I discovered what he was doing to me he had done the same thing to someone else (Pattern of Behavior). It was all new to me – having to use the court to remove someone from your property, file for an Order of Protection to protect myself. But clearly this was old school for Trash – he had done the same thing to other people… one of those people: Betsy.

So, in 2017 Betsy found out that Trash was cheating on her with multiple people while she thought they were in an exclusive relationship. She broke up with him. He harassed and threatened her. She filed and was granted an Order of Protection (OOP) in 2017.

In 2018, Trash reaches out to her just before the 2017 OOP expires, acting like nothing was wrong and then threatens her and her kids when she won’t talk to him or do what he requests. She files for and is granted another OOP.

Sept. 2018: Trash Vs. Betsy – Order of Protection (2nd one)

  • Sept 2017 – Betsy files and is granted an Order of Protection (OOP) against Trash.
  • Aug 2018 – a year later, Trash reaches out to Betsy. She states she filed and was granted an OOP in Sept 2017. She details out that he contacts her, threatens her, and disparages her name on his FB groups. Here is Betsy’s OOP, which was granted:

So what does Trash do? He files Injunction against Harassment against her AFTER she files the 2nd OOP. HE USES THE COURT SYSTEM TO HARASS a woman who clearly wants nothing to do with him. Check out the dates and his state of mind – HE portrays himself as the victim:

So basically, he uses the court system (by filing an Injunction against harassment (IAH)) and social media to retaliate against someone that just wants to be left alone. He takes it a step further and instigates his flying monkeys to further harass her.

I was in shock reading these documents. At the time I found these documents, Trash was doing the very same thing to me! I was back in Arizona after the eviction was upheld and had just filed for my own OOP against him when I learned that he filed an OOP while I was in Mexico, painting himself as the victim, and trying to get “exclusive access” to MY home (in an attempt to mute the eviction). I had no idea how to navigate the system, and clearly he knew all too well how to use the justice system to further hurt his victims. What he was doing to me was EXACTLY what he had done to Betsy years earlier. My heart broke for Betsy.

I do want to reach out to her. Let her know that she is not alone, that she just ran into a monster who actively deceived her. But it’s been 6 years since her experience, I’m sure she has moved on from this part of her life. Hopefully she is living her best life, thanking God she didn’t end up with a monster like him.

What we do know is that he has a pattern of behavior:

  • he will lie and manipulate women to get what he wants
  • he will use the system to try and further hurt his victims
  • he will disparage his victims on social media and insight flying monkeys to also harass and intimidate his victims
  • He will NOT take accountability for any of his behaviors or actions
  • he is violent and safety needs to be a top priority for anyone around him

So while I was still in shock (Oct. 2022) with everything going on in my life, It did help me understand that I was dealing with someone who has done what he did to me to at least one other person; that he was experienced with the system and understood how to manipulate it to get what he wants. I knew after reading these documents, that I needed to educate myself quickly. I also was re-traumatized about the break-ins.. made me realize that I was in far more danger that I even knew. Thank God guns are not allowed in Mexico.

1999 – 2024: The Ex-Wife

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TRIGGER WARNING: Post includes details about Spousal and Child Abuse.

The Ex-Wife met Trash while living in Israel when she was 18. It was an arranged marriage set up by Trash’s mother. The second time they met, they married. She was 19, he was 29. They married in 1999. After they were married, he flew her to the United States to live with him on the East Coast. She had never traveled before, did not speak English, did not drive, didn’t understand money or finances. She is muslim and grew up in a Muslim country where men are allowed to treat women horribly. Trash kept up with this tradition. They had two kids quickly, then another one, Gabe, 7 years later. Much isn’t known about why they left the East Coast for Arizona, rumors has it that he was having an affair with a married woman and the husband found out so he fled town with the family to Arizona.

When they arrived in Arizona, Trash carried on with his philandering ways. In 2013, Ex-Wife discovered that he was cheating on her with “the Russian”. How? He told her he was in Flagstaff, but she tracked the car to an apartment building a few miles away from their house. Why did she need to get a hold of him so urgently? At the time, Trash was breeding puppies. Someone left the backdoor open and the puppies escaped and drown in the pool. The kids had found the dead puppies and were hysterical. She called him to come home – he said he was in Flagstaff and couldn’t come home, but in reality he was around the corner with another woman she calls “the Russian”.

This is when she decided she needed to get out. But she didn’t know how. Trash didn’t give her access to any of the bank accounts, he forbade her to drive, she didn’t even have a key to her own home. She was determined to get out — She focused on learning English and saving the spare change she collected from the couch and his pockets.

In May 2015 she filed for divorce after an abusive episode. She told me she was very scared – Trash told her she would be deported if she divorced him. He had already moved out of the house and was living with his then girlfriend Betsy. This is an excerpt from her 2015 Petition for Divorce:

Trash convinced her to not file so she dismissed the case. She told me she was very scared and that he told her that if she divorced him she would be deported and never see her children again. So she dismissed the case and basically became a woman he would beat and berate whenever he felt like it as he knew she would not call the police and risk losing her kids.

In March 2016 he stopped by the house to pick up Gabe for baseball, they got into an argument. He dragged her out of the house by her hair. He threw her clothes away. The police were called. Trash was arrested for Disorderly Conduct – Disruptive Behavior, Disorderly Conduct – Language/Gesture, Interference with Court Order / Violation of Court Order.. Here is an excerpt from the report:

He pled guilty to domestic violence, spent ONE night in Jail, and was fined. This was marked as his first offense, but it was not his first time he abused his wife, it was the first time he was caught (As mentioned in the Report above, The Ex-Wife did NOT call the police when these incidents took place because she was told, by a Judge that she would be arrested if she did). Make it make sense that this is all he gets for physically assaulting his now Ex-Wife.

Basically, Trash moved out of the marital house in 2014 and began living with his girlfriend Betsy. Unbeknowst to The Ex-Wife at the time is that he ALSO stopped paying the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on the home. This was confirmed by the lien holder (David) via email 2 years later:

So basically Trash up and left his wife and kids, and left them with nothing, but stopped by the house, for years, to abuse and harass her. The police knew he was bad news – there are 7 Scottsdale police reports in 2016 alone. The courts knew he was bad news… But they all did nothing. He was left to continue to abuse and torment his Ex-Wife and kids unabashed. The system failed The Ex-Wife.

May 2021 was when he stopped paying child support and alimony. He did however have money to purchase real estate (2 properties in Mexico). So its not that he didn’t have it, he just chose to leave his Ex-Wife and Children without the resources to live.

August of 2022 is when CPS took over the care of Gabe. Ex-Wife finally got the courage to cut off communication with Trash and would no longer answer the phone. Trash’s only communication method at the moment is Email, so the abuse is minimum as he knows it is documented and can be used against him.

In 2023 CPS garnished Trash’s bank accounts to pay for the back child support. He was livid – he continued to call and harrass The Ex-Wife to sign a document stating he overpaid and give him back the money. CPS did NOT give the money to The Ex-Wife. They kept it to pay for Gabe’s care now that he is a ward of the state.

In July 2023 The Ex-Wife filed a Petition to Enforce Spousal Maintenance as he is almost $30k in arrears. The pre-hearing was in September; hearing date was agreed upon by all parties to take place in November. Both she and Trash got the same instructions for submitting exhibits and filing the correct documentation – Notice of Issues and Pre-Hearing Statement. A woman who speaks English as a second language, has zero financial resources made the time to learn about the requirements, shared exhibits with Trash via email and the Court via CaseLines, and completed and filed the correct documentation. She was prepared for the hearing. Trash, who speaks English as his first language, is technically savvy, knows how the system works as he has manipulated it for years – did absolutely nothing. He spent his time traveling through Europe and partying in Mexico with Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short). No doubt his plan was to waltz into the hearing and manipulate the court (and intimidate The Ex-Wife with documents and points that are irrelevant). His plan was thwarted when the Judge changed the hearing to be online via Microsoft Teams as he had been exposed to COVID. He had zero excuse for not being prepared. Instead of being held in contempt of court, he was awarded an extension. The Judge gave him another change to get his “evidence” in. The hearing in was rescheduled; it is now Feb. 2024. I see this as all so unnecessary – All he has to do is pay her back spousal arrears as defined in the divorce decree. She came prepared to court in November – he did not. He asked for an extension and was granted one. Mind boggling. He should have been fined/arrested for contempt of court. This is just another way the current justice system fails women.

I put 2024 in the heading, because there is no doubt that the harassment will continue into next year. The Spousal Maintenance hearing is in February 2024. Gabe is still under CPS care so Trash can contact the state if he wants to make amends with his son (he has made zero effort to do so), but once Gabe is returned to his mother, if he doesn’t do as CPS requires (therapy, etc) he will not be allowed to see his child.

The Ex-Wife is still grappling with the damage caused by one man. She has no education and English is her second language, making it difficult to financially support her family on her close to minimum wage income. She is still afraid to reach out for help as she does not trust the police or the court system. She does not have many friends; she keeps to herself. She is the primary caregiver for all her children, who they themselves have issues due to growing up in an abusive household. Life has not been easy for The Ex-Wife.

I find her story horrific on so many levels. Systematic abuse, financial abuse, in addition to the physical, mental, and emotional abuse she endured by the person who was supposed to protect her. It breaks my heart. But I have come to know this woman – she is a pillar of strength and courage. She is one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I know. It is an odd circumstance to be friends with your ex’s Ex-Wife, but we have formed a friendship, and I am glad we have overcome the weirdness and are able to support each other.

She was barely existing when I met her, so afraid of everything (Trash, the courts, people, the police, etc). She is now learning and growing. She now has the confidence to face difficult and scary things (courts, CPS). She is learning to stand up for herself. She is taking advantage of resources available to her (https://freshstartwomen.org/). She is taking courses to better understand the court system, she is learning about domestic violence and learning to take better care of herself. She is even learning how to use a computer!

The Ex-Wife has faced enormous obstacles – and is overcoming them to be a stronger person and a great mom to her kids. She is an inspiration to me – She is a true survivor.

The Con is Real. It’s All About The Money

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As you all know, I filed a Civil Suit # (redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify) in the USA against Trash for fraud, deception, and theft. The premise of the complaint is simple:

  • He actively deceived me in order to con me into purchasing a condo in Mexico (Stealing My Condo)
  • He is responsible for damage at my house in Chandler, AZ
  • He is responsible for all items he stole from me that I had to replace
  • Last but not least, for the safe return of the items he stole that are NOT replaceable (artwork, rug, furniture, etc. – They Steal What You Love)

As you know, he played the victim and was claiming that I squatted in HIS MX Condo. In summary, he lied to me about his financial situation. Had I known the truth, I would have NEVER entered into a real estate transaction with him. This is the biggest reason I filed the civil suit – He actively deceived me about his financial state – which is fraud in its purist definition: ”wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.“

Currently we are in the discovery phase. This means that I have to present my case and evidence and Trash needs to present his. Well, after much delay on his side, he/his lawyer finally responded last week. There are two parts to his response, and of course, the lessons I’m learning along the way:

  1. The $102,278.07 Invoice
    1. The Invoice is Forgery
    2. Examples Of his Outrageous Pricing
      1. $4670 for a New Front Lawn
      2. $770 to Cut Brick Wall Cut for Sliding Door
      3. $285 to Power Wash the Driveway
    3. The Mexico Condo
  2. Lessons Learned

It’s rich folks so grab yourself a cocktail and strap in.

The $102,278.07 Invoice

Yes, you read that right. His main piece of evidence is a $102,278.07 invoice for work WE did at my properties, including a price on the honey-do list. That’s right. He basically entered into court a falsified document, an invoice with:

  • a price for work WE did as a couple on the properties. He did not do them alone – we did them TOGETHER, as a couple.
  • things he offered to do because he fired contractors I had hired to do the work because they were “taking advantage of me”
  • activities that happened after the date of the invoice – January 2022. 
  • things that never happened or ever existed

Basically he entered into court a false document, which he will attempt to use as “proof” I owed him $100k, thus the reason he didn’t contribute a penny towards the purchase of the Mexican condo. 

The reality is, he lied to me about his financial situation, and he is trying to cover this fact up by submitting a false narrative and attempting to back up his false narrative with a fraudulent document. 

The Invoice is Forgery

This is absolutely a forged document. There was never a single discussion nor was the invoice presented to me while we were dating. There is no way he can back up ANY of the claims he states in this fabricated invoice. In Arizona, A false document is one that is forged, groundless, contains a material misstatement or false claim, or is otherwise invalid. The recording of a false document with the county recorder will subject the person to both civil and criminal liability under Arizona’s false documents statute.

Notice the invoice is dated January 2022. Most of the items on this invoice took place in 2022, not 2021.  I have ALL the receipts. Below are just a few examples:

1. October 2022. All the directTV charges (all directTV items and anything electronic related were returned to his employer) are fabricated. 

I returned all his work equipment and all electronic devices to his employer in Oct 2022. I have an email confirmation from his supervisor that the items were picked up and here are the pictures of the actual return event. 

2. November 2022. Trash abandoned a bunch of things at the house. He had over 8 weeks of unfettered access to the house during the eviction process and an additional 2 weeks to make “reasonable attempt” to get his things:

  • He broke into the home on Sept. 7th 2022
  • He was officially evicted on Oct. 17th 2022.
  • Oct. 17th – 31st 2022 to make a “reasonable effort” to retrieve the items he left

He chose, instead to leave his shit. Which I had to remove from the property. Here are the pictures I took upon the initial entry on Oct 17th 2022.  It took me a month to itemize the list of shit that he a) left and b) stole …. All his items were either a) sold and money given to the true owner (Lola) or b) donated and Trash was given the tax donation forms.

He took some of his things – his bed, his two dining tables, all the kitchen stuff (including the dishes, Tupperware, silverware, pots, pans, etc., but mostly he stole my stuff – rugs, towels, cleaning supplies, bedding, art (Steal what you love part 1). But he made ZERO attempt to get the things he invoiced me for. Invoice total of $18,299.30 for items HE HIMSELF DID NOT PICKUP and where legally disposed of. Let’s also remember that most of these items, including the camping gear, he stole from Lola,

So it can be proven in a court of law that the following line items are false and fraudulent: 

3. Installation of Custom Blinds in Kanab. This is a false entry all around. There are no custom blinds in Kanab, UT. There are NO blinds in Kanab. The curtains in the bedrooms I hung myself. Certainly not a custom job. Check it out for yourself here.

No “custom blinds” anywhere:

And that is just a small sample of the issues with the Invoice. Proving him wrong with pictures and documentation will show that he is lying and will damage his credibility, which in the end is what I want.

Examples Of his Outrageous Pricing

He is delusional – his rates are higher than experts, ie. licensed electricians, plumbers, landscapers, etc..

The examples I am about to share are just a few of the many on the invoice. They say that Narcissists are transactional… so while I thought we were in a real relationship where we do things for each other and with each other, he was keeping track of everything “he did”. This invoice is the epitome of his keeping track and wanting compensation for things he offered to do as my boyfriend.

Here is a link to all the pictures of Lincoln Lane, the house in SLC I sold. I miss that house… I put a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and money into this house. It was my dream home. I would NEVER have sold it had I known who Trash really was. All he had to do is tell me he found someone else. But he didn’t, because he wanted money. And I think his response to the Civil Suit proves it.

And again, he would never be able to prove this was a valid invoice – he never presented this or any invoice to me while we were dating, and there is not a single text message, voicemail, or anything that would substantiate his claim.

This is just another way Trash uses the system, lying directly to the courts, and making the victim, me, prove that he is lying. Its just insane.

$4670 for a New Front Lawn

At the SLC home (Lincoln Ln), I wanted to have my regular landscaper to update the sprinkler system, level out the front yard, and lay new seed. The estimate was for $3000. Trash said they were “taking advantage of a single woman” and said we could do it. Yes, he put the plan together.. but did not listen to me when I had concerns. I’m OCD, and the sprinklers were put in the wrong place, causing the lawn to die in certain areas. He also did not level out the yard, which I kept asking about/wanted to do – but he said it would even out … of course it didn’t, so spring came and it was bumpy and lumpy, causing water to pool in places and other places (the mounds) the grass died… It was a horrible job, but I didn’t say anything because I knew if I spoke up he would call me ungrateful. But it bugged me BIGLY. The invoice includes the following for our work – a total of $4670. So $1,670 MORE than an expert. AND I had to incur the extra expense of renting a back hoe, purchasing mulch, seed, sprinkler parts, etc.. All of which was included in the experts $3k estimate.

Here is what I could have gotten if I paid the $3000 – Left picture is of the backyard that was professionally done. Vs. what I paid $1370 MORE for that Trash delivered. I think it is very clear which option most humans would select. 

$770 to Cut Brick Wall Cut for Sliding Door

This is another perfect example of work at the SLC Lincoln Ln house. I had found an expert that cuts brick/cement for a living. He gave me an estimate of $200 to cut the brick out (two vertical 5 foot cuts) and remove the debris. This is what was required to get the new sliding glass door in the master bedroom installed. I was fine with paying this, seemed fair to me. Trash again said this expert was taking advantage of me, a single woman… so he offered to do it himself. What does Trash think HE deserves for this small job? $770. – $570 MORE than an expert. FYI – the job took him maybe an hour, and probably 3 hours total if you include the time to run to Home Depot to pick up and return the saw required to cut the brick. I had additional expenses that are not included in his estimate – I paid for for the saw rental, for a new blade (which was expensive!), AND the removal of the debris. None of these additional expenses would have been incurred IF we had just left it to the expert. So all in all, having Trash do this job, at his prices and the extra expenses by NOT having the expert do it, costs me an extra $800-$900. Ridiculous-ness.

$285 to Power Wash the Driveway

This one is good. Why? Because there was a local high school kid going around the neighborhood offering to power wash peoples driveway. I have a large driveway so he quoted me $100. I thought it was a good deal. Trash, however, did not. He offered to do it, so I purchased a power washer and he spent an hour power washing the driveway. Now he is invoicing me for 3 hours at $95/hour for a total of $285. Just pure rediculousness.

The driveway is large… but I would have MUCH rather hired the teen boy for $100 and NOT purchased a power washer… Again, just sharing the tip of the iceberg here.

The Mexico Condo

In true form, and as I outlined in Do Not Mingle Finances post, Trash finally publicly states his plan is to steal MY condo. Here is the “settlement offer” my lawyer and I received last week.

Option 1: Sell the property. I get my initial investment back (so he finally admits he didn’t pay a dime for the condo), but that we SPLIT the proceeds evenly. He does NOT mention that I paid for all repairs and that he collected all the rental proceeds. So basically, he wants to make money on my money.

Option 2: I buy him out. Essentially, I pay him $100k to go away. At least he finally admits, in black and white, what he is really about.

The entitlement is MIND BOGGLING.

Both options include dismissing the eviction judgement for $11,053.00(Evicting the Ex) AND release him from paying my legal fees of $3,932.50 in the OOP hearing he lost. In addition:

  • he wants me to pay for the legal fees I’ve incurred for the Civil Suit. We would NOT be here, both of us incurring legal fees, if he had just done the right thing from the beginning. The audacity.
  • He wants to control the sale of the condo – using his agents (oh hell no) and set the price (the market does that you dummy).

Lessons Learned

This situation has been tough. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo while all of this goes on. What I realized during this Civil Suit discovery phase is that it is going to take forever and I cannot put my life on hold. I need to learn to compartmentalize my life. Deal with this stuff when I need to. Focus on rebuilding my life and moving forward when I’m not dealing with this lawsuit. I am actively working on figuring this out now – what do I want to do with the rest of my life? What can I do now to inch forward and not let this situation stop me from moving forward and getting me down?

Order of Possession Trial in Mexico

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Courthouse in Puerto Penasco, Mexico

Today was a tough day. Today, April 26th 2023, was the Order of Possession trial in Mexico. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

What is an Order of Possession?

I cannot find any good websites that describe it, but basically, it’s a court order that states that one person has exclusive rights to occupy a unit/home. Legase for this action: “The legal mechanism known as possessory action guarantees possession of the property to the legitimate owner of an asset.”.

Trash is listed as a co-owner of the property on the private contract (explained in my Don’t Mingle Finances post), but with this court order, I am the only one who can be in possession of the condo. Meaning if Trash comes near the unit, does any damage, harms me while I am in the condo, he can be taken to Mexican jail and pay a fine. Think of it as a USA version of an Order of Protection but for a piece of property. So as long as I’m in the condo, I am safe… but if I leave the condo, and Trash decides to harm me, I will have to file a separate police report because the Order of Possession ONLY protects the condo from his wrath.

I tried to obtain the USA version of an Order of Protection in Mexico, but from what I was told by my lawyer, this is nearly impossible to obtain in MX. Apparently Mexico is behind the times when it comes to protecting victims of domestic violence. Not to say that the USA has a one up – as we all know, the US version of an OOP is just a piece of paper and law enforcement doesn’t take them seriously (otherwise Forensic Files and Dateline wouldn’t have 20+ seasons each).

Why Do I Have an Order of Possession?

Well, after I discovered Trash’s double life, I broke up with him. Since we lived together in Mexico, I needed to remove my stuff from the home we shared. We agreed that I could get all my things Labor Day Weekend in September 2022. He would not give me the code to the condo until the day I was driving down – August 31st. Throughout the following days, he would remove the code and not allow me into the condo or the MX house to obtain my things. It was a game he was playing – removing my access unless I talked with him, which I would not. Days and days of this BS, all the while he was partying it up in Prescott with Nurse Nincompoop (aka Nurse N’Poop). How he found the time to continually harass me while love bombing his new “soul mate” is beyond me. When he returned from Prescott, he broke into my Chandler home (September 7th (Home Invasion #1)). I immediately hired laywers in both the USA and Mexico.  I was NOT safe and I had no idea how to protect myself.

I began working with Rogelio, my MX attorney on seeking an Order of Possession. It was granted immediately thanks Trash’s break-in on September 13th 2022 ( 1st Break-in and 2nd Break-in). Scariest day of my life. It took forever to serve him in Mexico, but once served, the Order of Possession was official. He was served while he was with Nurse N’Poop and friends at his Princesa D108 condo. Would be interesting to hear how he explained this one away.

He could have left well enough alone, after all, he has contributed $0 to the condo AND he made money on my money (Don’t Mingle Finances). But nope, he hired a laywer and appealed this Order of Possession. So today is the day of the appeal hearing – today is his day in court to prove his case – why he should also possess and occupy the unit.

What is Mexican Court Like?

Mexican court is very interesting – in some ways it’s the same as the US court system – inefficient, behind the times, etc.. What makes it extra complex for Americans is the requirement to translate EVERYTHING to Spanish. And I mean EVERYTHING.

So in the USA, when you have court, you have a judge, a court reporter, you have lawyers ask questions, witnesses give answers, etc.. Witnesses do not get to hear everyone’s testimony, they are called in when it is their turn. SAME in Mexico for the most part.

Here are the differences:

  • there is no judge, there is a Secretary that types the questions and answers into a computer.
  • there are multiple people in the room: the Secretary, the witness, the interpreter, and both lawyers.
  • We are each allowed 2 witnesses:
    • Trash picked his brother and Abe, a guy that works for him.
    • Representing me were:
      • Justine, the former condo property manager and person I was texting with during the breakin. 
      • Cesar, the bodyguard, whom was present when Trash broke into the condo the first time and second time. 
  • There is only one witness in the room at all times. The courtroom is a small room and there is no waiting room, so when we were not being interviewed, we stood outside or sat in our cars.
  • At the end of all the testimony, the lawyers and translators review the documentation.
  • If all looks good, the Secretary prints the documents, and everyone who participated in the day has to sign the paperwork along the borders.

Given this, it took from 11am to 5:30pm to complete all the “interviews”, prepare the documents, and have everyone sign the documents.

So What Happens Now?

The judge will get a file that is thick as thieves — evidence submitted (police reports, ring doorbell recordings, apostiled documents from the USA (my order of protection, the financial statements that show I paid 100% for the condo, all of the Chandler police reports, etc), witness statements from the court hearing today, etc.. The judge will determine the outcome. I understand he will make a decision within 3-5 months. While the court is making its decision, the Order of Protection stands in place.

So, we wait.

Why was this so hard for Me?

It’s the first time I have seen him since the USA Order of Protection hearing on Nov. 9th (OOP Upheld). So the good news is he looks HORRIBLE. I can’t believe that I found him even remotely attractive at any point. His beer gut, his man boobs, and now he has a short haircut that makes his head look like a special needs child that needs a helmet. Outside of his physical appearance, I clearly saw him for who he really is – a conman, a self-entitled, selfish, sociopath narcissist – a what is yours is mine guy that has zero moral compass.

It shook me hard. It’s like a lightning bolt hit me – I was way too trusting, too nice. There was evil on this earth and I saw it in him. 

I’ve been in shock since August of last year. I don’t go out, I don’t get to know people. I am alone almost 100% of the time. It has been really hard for me to come to grips with the fact that I was with someone that I thought I knew, but in the end, it was never real: 

  • He knowingly lied to me (he never had the money for the condo); he never intended to pay me back for his 1/2 of the condo
  • He took all the rental income; did not give me a penny
  • And now he wants to profit from my investment
  • He was not in a committed, monogamous relationship as he presented to me – he had been having sex with anyone who would have him (so gross)

Nothing about him is or was real. I’m still shook by all of this. Since November 2022, I have basically been self isolating. I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, I don’t want want or need any drama in my life. I don’t go out. I work from home… I’ve gone weeks without leaving my house (thank you Door Dash!).

Right now, I’m just done. I’m done with people, with humans….. I need to find a therapist to help me through this period. Just know I’m working on it. I’ll get there. But if you do not hear from me, it’s because I am trying to figure things out and heal myself.

Lessons Learned

Same lessons I speak of all my previous posts – don’t trust anyone:

  • Always do a background check before dating anyone (I use Truthfinder)
  • Speak to the ex prior to engaging in the new relationship
  • Never co-mingle money

Please pass / forward this blog onto other women who may be going through the same thing. The more we ladies a) stick together, and b) learn from each other, the less havoc these conmen will wreak in our lives.

I’m going to bed now. Going to have a good cry, hug my new cat Josie, and hope that I can sleep as I have a shit-ton of work to do tomorrow.

The Eviction Process

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Evicting an Ex from your property is not easy.

All of this started August 24th 2022.

When I confirmed Trash’s lies, I cut him off. He was living with his new girlfriend, Nurse Nincompoop (Nurse N’Poop for short) in Gilbert. He met her on June 10th at a concert. He started seeing her BEFORE we left Mexico on June 20th. He spend all summer with her, had her stay at MY HOUSE in Chandler while I was moving from SLC to live with him.  Details are in my first post here:  How I Became the Ex.

I told him I wanted no contact. I blocked him from social media, email, messaging, etc. I told him to leave me alone — to not speak to me or or come near me again. There was nothing to discuss, period.

I own a home in Chandler. I purchased it originally as a short term rental in October of 2021. But now that I no longer have my primary residence in SLC (sold in July 2022), and obviously I was NOT going to be living with Trash in Mexico…. I had no other choice but to make the Chandler house my primary residence.

Anyway, as I stated above, I told Trash to NOT come by the house. He did NOT listen.  He decided it was his house too (after all, he hung up lights and worked on the property so it was as much his as it was mine). Because of this, he felt that he could walk into the home whenever he wanted to.  He did this 3 times.  I was not going to be terrorized by this lying, cheating coward. On Sept. 6th 2022,  I hired a locksmith and paid $536 to have all the locks replaced, the ring doorbell and front door lock replaced, and the garage code changed.

eviction process - locksmith receipt

But he somehow he still got in (I know now that he had a garage clicker that let him in the garage, then he broke down the door between the garage and the house.) He mocked me on WhatsApp.  You can see the WhatsApp conversation in the story Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1.  Basically he told me that:

  • he was in the home
  • that he wasn’t going to leave until I came home and we talked
  • that I couldn’t kick him out because he had a lease

I called the police to have him arrested for trespassing. When the police came to the house he wasn’t there. The police called him…. he said he was living there, that his furniture was there, and that the electric bill was in his name so he had every right to be at the house.  The police told me that there was nothing they could do at this time, and the only way to get rid of an Ex that won’t go away is to go through the eviction process and file an order of protection. Chandler Police report (# redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify) filed on Sept. 7th 2022.

So that is exactly what I did. I hired a lawyer on Sept. 8th 2022.  Given that Trash had brought up the lease as a reason to stay, the strategy was to use his reasoning/logic against him.  If he had a lease, then he owed rent, and he could be evicted based on the non-payment of rent. It took almost 6 weeks to get this done.  Here are the dates:

  • Sept 8th 2022: I began the eviction process. First Trash had to be served, then once served, he was given a 10 day grace period to respond.
  • Sept 29th 2022: First court hearing was scheduled for this date. Trash appealed and a hearing date was set for the following week, Oct. 6th 2022.
  • Oct 6th 2022: The judge decided in my favor — the house is mine, the lease was legally binding — Trash was to pay up if he wanted to stay.  Trash chose not to pay. Legally he had 5 days to get his things out of the house.   He only took a few of his things and stole all of my things (They Steal What You Love — Part 1 & Part 2 coming soon) .
  • Monday Oct. 17th 2022: The day the writ was served at the house. I met the constable and locksmith at the house. Notices were hung. Locks were changed. And that is the end of that.
  • December 14th 2022: Final disposition recorded – Trash’s appeal was denied.  Judgement for $11,053.00 recorded and finalized.  Let the garnishment begin!

Trash is no longer allowed at or near the property. If he shows up for any reason, he will be arrested for Trespassing. You can read more about the process here: https://justicecourts.maricopa.gov/case-types/evictions.

Another advantage of hiring a lawyer is that I am now able to go no-contact with Trash. Meaning any/all contact Trash wants to have with me must go through my lawyer. My lawyer is a godsend and I am forever grateful to him for his support through all of this.

Now the eviction and writ only protects the house, and me WHEN I’m in the house.  By this time, he had:

It was now time to protect myself from this person. So on Oct. 18th I began the process of getting an order of protection against him — He of course contested it. So the court date for this hearing is this week, Thursday Oct. 27th. Once I am granted the order of protection, he has to stay away from me — ZERO CONTACT — for two years. If he defies this order, he will go to jail.

This sociopath narcissist  — who cheated on me, lied to me, stole from me, who has been told dozens of times to not contact me, will just not stop…. Makes zero sense to me.

I’m learning so much through this process, here are a few lessons from today’s story:

  1. Don’t date a narcissistic sociopath.
  2. Always always always arm yourself with cameras — ring doorbell, cameras (Arlo, Blink, whatever). They can be used as evidence in court.
  3. Always get a police report for every incident — you will need proof that you are trying to protect yourself. Otherwise it is his word against yours.
  4. No matter how much you love someone, do NOT, under any circumstances, let them move their furniture in or put any utility bill in their name. Better yet, never cohabitate with anyone — if they are a narcissist — they know the system and will make it extremely difficult to rid yourself of them.

Ending Narcissistic Abuse Using The Court System

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

Narcs will do just about anything to stay in contact. Best solution is to go no-contact and move on.

I asked him to never contact me again. I blocked him on every platform (WhatsApp, Text message, Email, Facebook, Snapchat, etc). Instead of just moving on with his life with his new girlfriend Nurse Nincompoop (aka Nurse N’Poop), He:

I’ve never had to work with the police before so everything is so new to me. I’m lucky I have an amazing Arizona attorney helping me through the process.

What I’ve learned:

  • Narcissists will never take accountability for their actions. It’s always someone else’s fault.
  • When dealing with an aggressive Sociopathic Narcissist, hire a lawyer immediately — this may very well save your life.
  • Always always always go no contact. Nothing they have to say is true or warrants any of your attention — as my lawyer says, “If his lips are moving, he is lying”..

Please take care of yourself out there. I had no idea these kinds of people existed.. I’m learning the hard way. Educate yourself on narcissism and their behaviors…. it will help you spot one earlier in the dating cycle and could save your life and your sanity.

Order of Protection Was Upheld

PaulasPonderingsLeave a comment

Stopping narcissistic abuse/retaliation is hard work.

OrderofProtection

So Trash appealed the order of protection. The court hearing was yesterday, Nov. 9th. The judge heard the case and upheld the order of protection. This means two things:

  1. Trash is required by law to have no-contact  with me— this means no calls, no texts, no email, not to reach out on any social media accounts, and finally, to NOT be anywhere near me for the next two years. This is a win for me as I can stop living in fear that I will run into him because he is stalking me.
  2. That I brought the right evidence to court and was able to prove all of my claims:

order of protection - update due to settlement

During the hearing, the judge warned Trash that whatever he said during this hearing could be used against him in the pending criminal and civil cases. Trash decided to testify anyway…. Trash lied in court, directly to the judge…. The judge called him out on it many times, he was not amused by any of Trash’s antics.  I will be receiving a recording and a paper transcript of the hearing and using his words against him in the other criminal/civil matters.

Because he appealed the original Order of Protection, and we were forced to have this hearing, he is now required to pay court costs and attorneys fees, which is $3,932.50. Ha!

What I learned during this process:

  • Always keep records (dates, times, etc) of harassment and theft. Excellent record keeping will give you a lot of credibility with the courts.
  • Pictures and videos are the best evidence. Get yourself some cameras and a doorbell that records voice and motion.
  • Take pictures of everything. The pictures I took after entering the home on Oct. 17th were used as evidence in court. Judge asked Trash if he broke the door — Trash of course said no…. Judge did not believe him and said so directly to him.

Now, we all know that this does not mean I’m truly protected (we’ve all seen enough episodes of Forensic Files or Law And Order to know this). I will still have to call 911 if he shows up, but with the order of protection (OOP) in place, it means he can be arrested and/or go to jail.

There is a lot more work to be done. Next up on my plate is to finalize all the fraudulent credit card charges and add the information to the existing police report. I have no control over this case — the AZ Attorney General will determine if they will prosecute him for this fraud.

I hope these postings are helping others out there – see the light earlier – as to avoid going through all of this as the process is not easy. Best to see the red flags in the beginning and get out as soon as you can. I encourage you to join Narcissist TikTok or read the many great articles on on Medium to learn more about the red flags/warning signs.

Last but not least, and I am and will forever be grateful for having the funds to be able to hire an attorney and a manager that gives me time off work to handle these matters. I am grateful for my attorney and my manager for their continued support.

Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #1

PaulasPonderings2 Comments

The first break-in: Chandler AZ house — Sept. 7 2022

Police at my house in Chandler AZ on Sept. 7th 2022

Trash and I broke up on August 24th when I found out he was living with his new girlfriend (How I Became the Ex ).  I had no idea that this was not going to be a “normal breakup”.

As you all know, I told Trash to never contact me again. I could not go no contact at this time because we needed to work through getting his stuff out of my house and the Mexico condo he is trying to steal from me (Do NOT mingle finances with anyone. You will regret it).

I told him to stay away from me. That I wanted NOTHING to do with him. He didn’t listen. He kept coming to the Chandler AZ house and letting himself in. I was not going to live in fear.

So while I was in Mexico over Labor Day weekend (early September 2022) collecting my things from the house we shared in Mexico (Costa Diamante, Puerto Penasco), I hired a locksmith to change all the locks in Chandler AZ.  Sept. 6th 2022 they showed up and changed all the locks.  All I wanted to do was come home and prepare for my trip to Italy. I thought that if I did this, then I would be safe — I could return home, lock myself in, and not have him barging in unannounced. I could not have been more wrong about the situation.

One of the very few times I reached out to Trash first was this exchange — I just wanted him to know where to find his dog Baxter (story for another time). Instead of taking responsibility for his dog, he broke into my house — This is WhatsApp exchange with Trash on Sept. 7th 2022 — Trash is the left side / grey, I am the right side / green:

To say I felt terrorized and violated is an understatement. I was shaking with fear, with anger…. He broke into my house and was squatting there. God only knows why. I called the Chandler police to have him arrested for trespassing (Chandler Police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). He told the police he had a lease. Officer Swansen called me back and told me my only recourse was to evict him. So I did: The Eviction Process .

After a 6 week adventure through the court system, I was able to evict him. I was finally able to get back into my house on Oct. 17th 2022. He had indeed gotten in via the garage then broke through the door between the garage and house.

The break-in, the eviction judgement, and this WhatsApp exchange is part of the evidence that my Order of Protection was granted/upheld: Order of Protection Was Upheld .

This person, who had been cheating on me since BEFORE we left Mexico (and I’ve learned that he was cheating the entire duration of our relationship), and who was now living with the new girlfriend, was unhinged. I knew the violence he capable of — for months I had listened to him beat and tased his son mercilessly. I knew his rage, and I knew he was capable of causing great harm.

Learning that the Chandler police would/could do nothing…. My heart was racing, I did not know what to do…. I knew I was not safe in the USA. I cried, I got mad at myself for being such a fool, for being so naive…. Then I drank some wine and made some decisions:

  • I needed to stay in Mexico with my friends. I had zero friends in Chandler/Phoenix. And the police could do nothing to protect me.
  • I cancelled my trip to Italy and visit with my parents (I was scheduled to leave Sept. 11th 2022).
  • I began searching for attorneys in the Chandler/Phoenix area. The one I found told me I was in danger and advised strongly that I not come back to the USA for any reason.

Thank god, at this point, from a work perspective, I had two weeks scheduled vacation. This gave me time to deal with this. I thought that two weeks was enough time. I was so very wrong.

I was terrified. I had no idea what could or would happen. I have NEVER felt more unsafe and alone in my life. Ever. But it was about to get much worse as my no contact would enrage him so much that a week later he drove down to Mexico and broke into my condo: Retaliation is Real - Home Invasion #2 .

I have no lessons learned on this one. Just be careful out there.