Toxic Relationship

I met the ex girlfriend —  she is absolutely lovely

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What I learned — and how it is helping me heal.

So how did it happen? I reached out to her.

Why would I do such a thing? Let me tell you.

So after Trash was evicted (story here), AZ law gives him 14 days to “make reasonable effort” to make arrangements to get his things. He had 14 days from the day after the writ was served — 10/17/22. So October 31st was his last day to make contact. He never contacted my AZ attorney, so I got the green light from my Lawyer to get rid of the stuff he left behind.

While I was making arrangements, a friend told me that the furniture Trash had convinced me to put in the house was actually not his; he had stolen it from his ex-girlfriend, Lola. I was mortified. Upon learning this, I reached out to Lola — shared with her what was going on, and let her know that I wanted to return her things to her. She responded, and we agreed to meet at my house.

To say I was nervous is an understatement. I had so much anxiety about it I took a Xanax. Trash had told me so many horrible things about her — how she wanted him back, she was stalking him, she was sending nude photos of herself to him when we were together. He said it was so bad he had to block her.

Well, as you all can guess, none of this was true. The truth is:

  • He never blocked her; they have always been in communication and continued a sexual relationship the entire time I was with him
  • She was not stalking Trash; Trash was stringing her along; breadcrumbing her. He told her that I was just a “business transaction” and alluded that they would get back together as soon as he was “done” with me
  • Yes she sent pictures to him, of her in her swimsuit (she has great boobs).. because she thought they were getting back together
  • She is a lovely woman who also had her heart broken by this monster

So the truth is, while Trash and I were doing the two-week on, two-week off time between May and December of 2021, He was stringing her along. I saw all the texts. She continued to ask him if he had a girlfriend … he insists that he was single — The very same thing he did to me after I arrived in Chandler, when questioning him about Nurse Nincompoop (aka NN), his new supply/girlfriend. I went from feeling scared to feeling compassion and empathy for Lola. She has been through so much, she is still hurting, just like me, for being so actively deceived. She has been traumatized. AND she still agreed to meet with me.

I also found out that in the early morning hours of January 8, 2022, mere weeks after I arrived in Mexico to live with him (Dec. 23rd 2021), she had made arrangements to pick up her things from Trash’s MX Mirador townhouse. She showed up early to avoid seeing him. Like 6 am early. She got up early to get her stuff before going fishing. Trash showed up and attacked her — pressured her to have sex with him.  So while I am laying in his bed, in the MX Costa Diamante house that we now called home, he got up early to harass, intimidate, and attack Lola. She showed me pictures of her bruises and the text exchange between them. He’s a disgusting human being for treating anyone like this.

Anywhoo, she came over to my house. We identified the furniture that was hers. She does not have a place to store it, so we agreed I would list it for sale and give her the money. Of course the sold price is a fraction of what she originally paid for it….. but at least it’s something. It breaks my heart to know how devastated she must have felt when she found out he stole a house full of her furniture and put it in his new girlfriends house.

She didn’t/doesn’t blame me. She treated me with nothing but kindness. Extreme kindness. She knows that I do not know anyone in Chandler, so she invited me to have Thanksgiving dinner with her. How NICE is that? But wait, there is more. She told her friends about me, and her friends reached out to me and we all met up. I now have 3 girlfriends in Chandler — the ex Lola, and her two besties Bambi and Vexatious.

So who would have thunk it, that reaching out to do the right thing would lead to new friendships.

What I’ve learned:

  • Trash was not truthful with me. Nothing that comes out of his mouth was or is true — I have receipts for everything. He continues to state untruths but has zero receipts. as my AZ attorney says, “if his lips are moving, he is lying”.
  • Trash is not a genuine person. He never cared for me — everything he presented about himself to me was a facade. He was a fake, a fraud.

When I’m ready to date again, I’m going to do things differently:

  • I will ALWAYS do a background check on the potential mate. The cost is well worth it. I purchased a truthfinder.com on Trash and the results were shocking. 4 evictions, email addresses associated to sex websites, multiple altercations with the law, etc. Crazy shit. Had I seen this report sooner, I would never have dated him.
  • I no longer believe in “crazy ex’s”. I will ALWAYS request to speak with the ex. If he is a good man and treated his lady with respect, then this should not be an issue. I know that my ex prior to Trash would happily talk to a potential partner on my behalf.

I do hope someday that karma does pay Trash a visit. For now, I will keep moving forward to heal my heart. Knowing that I never meant anything to him really hurts. But it is also helping me heal — the person that Trash presented to me never existed, the relationship I thought we had was never real.

I am forever grateful to Lola for agreeing to meet with me, for being so kind to me, and bringing the receipts I need to validate what was truly going on during our relationship.

Ending Narcissistic Abuse Using The Court System

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Narcs will do just about anything to stay in contact. Best solution is to go no-contact and move on.

I asked him to never contact me again. I blocked him on every platform (WhatsApp, Text message, Email, Facebook, Snapchat, etc). Instead of just moving on with his life with his new girlfriend Nurse Nincompoop (aka Nurse N’Poop), He:

I’ve never had to work with the police before so everything is so new to me. I’m lucky I have an amazing Arizona attorney helping me through the process.

What I’ve learned:

  • Narcissists will never take accountability for their actions. It’s always someone else’s fault.
  • When dealing with an aggressive Sociopathic Narcissist, hire a lawyer immediately — this may very well save your life.
  • Always always always go no contact. Nothing they have to say is true or warrants any of your attention — as my lawyer says, “If his lips are moving, he is lying”..

Please take care of yourself out there. I had no idea these kinds of people existed.. I’m learning the hard way. Educate yourself on narcissism and their behaviors…. it will help you spot one earlier in the dating cycle and could save your life and your sanity.

They Steal What You Love — Part 1

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Because all they want to do is hurt you

Narcissists have a grandiose sense of entitlement — They think the world owes them and they will steal, lie, cheat to get what they feel should be theirs. True to his character, Trash is a thief.

So what has been stolen? Basically everything of worth. Trash left some of his used furniture for me to dispose of (story for another time), and took all the items of value, which of course where mine.

In November 2022 I filed Police report # (# redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify) with the Chandler AZ police. Total value of all the items that Trash stole from me is $ 12,690. A class 3 felony here in Arizona could land him in prison for 3.5–7 years.

This story will just be about the artwork ,which totals about $6,300. This is artwork that I purchased while living in Salt Lake City, Utah. I moved it to Chandler on Aug. 17th 2022 and hung it up over the weekend of August 20th with my best friend Katie. The other stolen items will be new stories (its a series peeps!).

Trash took my things not because he liked it; the opposite, he didn’t like it. He made of fun of it. But he knew that I love it, that it took me a long time to curate the collection. And that is why he stole it — because I loved it.

Here is just some of the items, displayed beautifully at my home in Salt Lake City, UT. You can see all of the items he stole here.

Pictures of some of the Stolen Items

Trash told the police that he made the purchases while we were in business together. Which of course is not true.  As of now the Police will not do anything — it has to be resolved in Civil Court (story for another day).

I know where some of the artwork is — it’s at Nurse NincomPoop’s (Nurse N’Poop for short) house.  As I am not 100% sure as I do not have video evidence, but would wager that the other items such as patio furniture, outdoor umbrellas and cafe lights, the locks, the wifi enabled landscape timer, etc. are all there as well. What a sweet fella to give his new girlfriend stolen items.

How do I know? Because Trash thinks he is above the law and posted pictures of it on Facebook. You bet I submitted the information the police. What did he do? Posted a joke Facebook Story about art… You can watch it here.

I have named Nurse N’Poop in the supplemental reports as a person in possession of stolen goods.

The prosecutor must prove that you controlled another person’s property after knowing or having reason to know that the property was stolen. Technically, you don’t need to buy the stolen property, it is enough to merely accept it.

Below is the proof I submitted to the Chandler Police.

Set of Two Prints — Neutral Modern Art

Trash has been posting Facebook Stories and the stolen artwork is clearly hanging up at N’Poop’s  house.

First supplemental report filed with the Chandler AZ Police # (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). The evidence came from a Story Trash posted on Facebook. Full video here.

Artwork at my SLC UT home vs. at Nurse N’Poop’s house:

steal what you love - pic of my photos at Lauras house - Updated

And the receipt for the art, I purchased, in October of 2021 —

ivy interior invoice - updated

Wait, there is more.

One of a Kind — Paris Street Scene

I purchased this in 2010 while visiting a friend in Paris. It’s one-of-a-kind / irreplaceable. He was dumb enough to post another video with more of my artwork hanging up at the new girlfriend’s house.

Second supplemental report filed with the Chandler AZ Police # (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). The evidence came from a Facebook Story Trash posted. I do not have the full video.

Artwork at my SLC UT home vs. my artwork at Nurse N’Poop’s house:

So, what have I learned from this experience?

  • That a narcissist believes that what is yours is theirs;  your stuff now equals their stuff and their stuff still equals their stuff . Such a huge sense of entitlement. I mean he didn’t just steal from me, he stole from the previous ex Lola – stories here: Lola and here: I met the ex girlfriend — she is NOT crazy; she is absolutely lovely .  He also stole from Betsy, I found the items after clearing the house out after the eviction.  Apparently it’s just the way they are – Spiritualwhistleblower on TikTok speaks the truth here.
  • That the police are pretty much useless in these situations. I can prove that we were not in business together, that these items were purchased by me with my credit card, some of them before I met Trash. They don’t care.
  • The court system is set up for criminals to crime. I’m convinced the hoops a victim/survivor is required to jump through is means to discourage them to push forward and fight for what they deserve — Justice.

I have filed a Civil Suit — for fraud/deception (for lying about the funds for the condo) , theft (my art (this article) and other stuff), as well as damage done to the Chandler house (more on this later). I will not give up until what is mine is returned to me.

How did I get mixed up with such a conman?

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Answers to the questions friends & family are asking me.

I am a nice person. It’s my nature to see the good in all people. I trust people and take them at their word. I assume people are like me — honest, kind, compassionate, empathetic, etc..

When someone tells me they are at work, I believe them. I believe it because that is what I am doing. When someone tells me they are “just a friend”, I believe them. Because I mean it when I say it — I tell the truth, I don’t hide things. And when in a committed relationship, I am as transparent as possible.

I thought Tiny Trash was like me — kind, sincere, in love with me, and wanted the same things in a long-term committed relationship. Obviously I would NOT have turned my world upside down if I didn’t believe this. I was invested and I showed it through my actions:

  • All the time and money to fly back and forth between Salt Lake City Utah and Rocky Point Mexico for the first 6 months
  • The purchase of a house in Chandler to be closer to him
  • Moving to Rocky Point Mexico in December to live with him
  • Help him raise his 13 year old wayward son for 6 months
  • and finally, the selling of my home in Salt Lake City Utah so we could be together forever

The demise of the relationship and the way it ended sits entirely on Trash’s shoulders. He found me, a good girl, mirrored me to get what he wanted. Based on all the research I’ve done, it’s his MO — His behavior with me is consistent with his past 3 girlfriends AND his ex-wife (story to come).

The truth is, the person he presented to me is not who he is. He is a conman, sociopath, and a narcissist. He played a long con-game and I simply did not see it. I never new narcissists existed, so I was blindsided when it ended.

At first I was ashamed, embarrassed that I was so gullible, that I didn’t suspect a thing until August 24th. A good friend of mine said “Don’t make it your problem. He is at fault.”  This made me feel a lot better about the situation, and has given me the strength to share my story in hopes that others become aware that there are monsters on this planet and you need to be very careful.

I have spent the last 4 months now (to the day), researching and learning all about Narcissism and how this could have happened to me. This Medium article by Myla Morningstar The Covert Narcissist’s Wish List: 10 Traits of the Ideal Victim does a great job explaining how I was a perfect target.

So here is what I have learned / come to grips with over these last 4 months:

  • The person Trash presented to me never existed; he was mirroring me to get what he wanted.
  • That what I thought we shared was not real (real to me, not to him).
  • He lied to me about everything; he never blocked his ex, Lola (they remained friends and even slept together while we were in a committed relationship).
  • That he used my trust in him to have multiple affairs and hookups; we were never in a committed relationship in his mind.

All I did was love someone, truly, deeply, and trusted that what he told me was true. This does not make me a bad person nor is it something to be ashamed of. And I will not change who I am because of this experience. I will continue to be loving, trusting, empathic and compassionate. But what I will do, moving forward, is:

Knowing what I know now has given me the closure I need to move on from this brutal life lesson. Outside of a few more stories that need to be shared, I will focus on my future, move past this, and start living my life again.

Thank you all for reading and please share this with any friends or family that you think may be involved with a narcissist. I wished someone had let me know sooner, because finding out on my own has been a very painful experience.

Wire Fraud — January 2023 (5 months post-breakup)

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Retaliation is real.  Drama is his game.

Picture from Utahlandtitle

On January 31st, 2023, I received a call from Bank of America. Trash had wire transferred money into my account from his Wells Fargo account and it was flagged as fraudulent. Bank of America was calling me to get my approval to return the funds. Of course I said yes. The agent that called me did not have details on why the transfer was marked as fraud, and gave me the Bank Of America business account fraud department number (1–800–729–9437 option 2,3,3)to call to get more details. (Case # redacted as to not reveal my identify).

So today, Feb. 3rd 2023, I called Bank of America Business checking Fraud department to get more details about the wire fraud.

Here is the timeline:

1/19/23 — Trash wire transferred $3500 from his Wells Fargo account to my BofA business checking account. Here are the details from my Bank of America statement:

wire fraud - update due to settlement

1/30/23 — Trash then called his bank (Wells Fargo) and reported wire fraud on the transaction that HE INITIATED. Bank of America has the following note from Wells Fargo (the remitter): “Please return payment per fraud”.

1/31/23 — My bank, Bank of America, called me and told me the transfer had been flagged as fraud and was seeking my approval to return funds. Of course I gave permission and the funds were returned the very same day. Here are the details from my Bank of America statement:

What in the sand hill is going on? Why would he do this? And what is the significance of the dates January 19th and 30th 2023?  Was he trying to hide money?  Was he trying to set me up as perpetuating wire fraud?  He has not reported this to the police as no officer has called me from Gilbert Police to seek an explanation.

But for now, be very very very aware that retaliation is real — they will do whatever the can to hurt you. I have reported this incident to my Lawyer as well as the Chandler police (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify).

If anyone has been through this and can explain the significance of doing this, please comment. I just have no idea why someone would do this 5 months post-breakup.

Credit Card Fraud — Part 1

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The Ex knows how to game the system – the system lets criminals keep on crime-ing.

(Image credit: Shutterstock)

So today, Monday January 23rd 2023, I filed a police report for credit card fraud. Chandler AZ police report (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify).  This is the story of how my Ex, Tiny Trash, began using a Credit Card he was no longer authorized to use 16 days AFTER we broke up. 

Let me make this perfectly clear — I own 3 Short Term Rentals (STR). I created an LLC in 2018 to manage these rentals for tax purposes. Trash is in no way associated to the LLC nor is he on any deed of these properties.

He offered, as a boyfriend, to be the primary contact for one of my properties located in Chandler AZ. All other properties are managed by property managers. He offered — he said he wasn’t busy and could do it, and I mistakenly accepted.  Because he was the main contact for this property, I gave him access to my credit cards. The purpose was to purchase items for the rental property only.

Trash had access to two of my credit cards (account numbers no longer active):

  • card ending in 7767, a personal credit card I used for business management until early 2022.
  • card ending in 4757, a business credit card, associated to the LLC I used to support my STR business. Created in early 2022.

Once I created the small business account with Bank of America that was directly tied to my LLC, I switched from using 7767 and began using 4757. This happened early 2022. I got a credit card in Trash’s name so that he could purchase materials needed to sustain a short term rental, i.e. shampoo, conditioner, toilet paper, etc..

I deactivated Tiny Trash’s business credit card (ending in 4757) on Aug 24th 2022 when I found out he was living with his new girlfriend Nurse Nincompoop (NN for short).  He of course was livid. Once he knew it was over — that I wasn’t buying his lies, he began using the first card he had access to. I thought he gave the credit card back, but clearly he did not.

We broke up on August 24th 2022. He began using the card ending in 7767 on September 8th 2022. I did not realize this until I received the statement. There should have been ZERO charges on the card as I had migrated to the credit card associated with my business (ending in 4757) and the personal card (7767) was dormant.

Somehow Trash still had the card. And he began using it in September 2022, mere weeks after we broke up. By Sept. 16th 2022, he had charged a total of $1057.62 to the card. When I learned of the charges, I filed a credit card fraud case with Bank of America:

He clearly made charges for gas, Amazon purchases, and even tried to hire a lawyer — Cardis Law Group — I assume to help him fight the eviction case I started on Sept. 8th 2022 (story here: The Eviction Process).

Ultimately Bank of America found all these charges fraudulent.

Given this confirmation from Bank of America, I filed a Police Report with the Chandler AZ police department (police report # redacted as to not reveal Trash’s true identify). I filed the report with Officer Swanson. He took the report then called Trash to get his side. Officer Swanson called me back and stated that Trash did admit to making the charges stating that the card had his name on it. That’s some kind of logic isn’t it???

Officer Swanson told me that because Trash did indeed have a card with his name on it, these charges to not meet the criteria for Credit Card fraud (like the DirectTV fraud does). So again, this has to be dealt with in Civil Court (along with all the stolen items They Steal What You Love — Part 1).

So once again, Trash gets away with NOT being held accountable in the criminal court system. It is ridiculous to me that conmen like this continue to get away with this — theft, fraud, active deception, and breach of trust/contract. Again, I go back to my experience that the system is set up for criminals to crime. Nothing more, nothing less.

The laws need to change. If there is anyone out there that knows how to change the laws and needs an advocate for why changes are needed, reach out to me. I will stand with you. These criminals need to be held accountable.

Lessons learned:

  • NEVER mix business and personal. I will never ever again give access to my credit cards to anyone else. I will manage everything myself. If I begin to feel overwhelmed, I will sell a property or hire someone to help. Period.
  • Always cancel credit cards you are not using. I did not do this because there were still some monthly charges that Trash was supposed to transition to the new card. He did not. I should have taken care of this.

At the end of the day, I will never be too busy with work and my side hustle to not protect myself. I will never trust a partner to do the right thing. I will make sure that I take care of anything and everything. Because at the end of the day, this is my livelihood.