Paula's Ponderings

Narcissists are the most evil human beings on the planet. They do not care about anything or anyone but themselves. They typically live double lives, one with you, and the other full of over-indulging in their vices – sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.. The nex, Tiny Trash, had a double life – To me, he portrayed a man in a committed, loving relationship, full of promise, a future that included travel, early retirement, and marriage….. what I discovered after The Discard is that none of this was real – he was living a double life and was NOT the person he presented to me.

As I write this – a year after we left Mexico to move out of Utah and permanently to Mexico, 10 Months after Discovery Day – August 24th 2022. So much has come out about his double life. It’s still shocks me that any human being is capable of such deceit. I was naive – I had NO IDEA monsters like him existed. Even though HE cheated on me, was sleeping with his Ex, AND had another girlfriend, he became unhinged when I broke up with him:

• he broke into my home in Arizona (Sept 2022)
• he broke into my condo in Mexico (Sept 2022)
• he committed credit card fraud –
  • ran up almost $5k in charges on the business credit card (June – August 2022)
  • made unauthorized charges on a card AFTER we broke up (Sept 2022) and
• he cut my phone number off because I wouldn’t speak with him(Sept 2022)
• stole my identity to create fraudulent DirecTV accounts (Sept-Oct 2022)
• he stole my things vs taking his stuff when he was evicted from my house (Oct 2022)
• had to get an Order of Protection to stop the constant harassment (Nov 2022)
• he tried to commit wire fraud 5 months post breakup (Jan 2023)
• he is trying to extort money from me (ongoing)- wanting $100k to remove his name from a condo that he didn’t contribute a dime to.

The list goes on and on… I still can’t make sense of it, but I don’t think us normal human beings can ever make sense of someone who behaves and treats people in such a cold, callous, and calculated way.

1 year of chaos. 10 months of insanity. What a roller coaster.

I’m moving forward now. No clear picture what the future looks like for me, I’m still taking life one day at a time. I am not all healed up, I still have a long way to go. But I know, for a fact, that I would NOT be this far along if it were not for my friends, especially Justine, Nadine, and Mary in Mexico. They picked me up off the floor on an daily basis in the early months:

• Justine: for the guidance and constant pushes to protect myself and the condo in Mexico. I now have legal possession of MY condo in Mexico. I would NOT have this if it was wasn’t for Justine. She helped me navigate MX processes (who knew that the CFE (electric company) is the MOST IMPORTANT account you could have?).. So many other ways she supported me, all while dealing with Trash and his constant retaliation and harassment against her and her husband.
• Nadine: who introduced me to the US legal system as well as narcissism. Her daily reminders to get a lawyer and protect myself. Which I did – the US civil suit was filed in December 2022. Coming to my condo with love, support, and food when I couldn’t get out of bed. Hugs from Nadine are the best.
• Mary: who was the shoulder I cried on countless times. She was the safe place for me to be raw and vulnerable. I cried a lot… I was in shock, so numb… Mary helped me get out of the fog and helped me to start feeling my feelings again. She helped me see that I was being too nice, and that getting angry, really angry is a good thing.

I am where I am today because of these ladies. I am forever grateful for their love, support, and guidance. It truly took a team to keep me moving forward in the early days.

In honor of them, I have created a new page dedicated to helping others through their recovery: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse . I don’t want anyone to feel alone or have to navigate the aftermath of such betrayal on their own.

So whats next? Legally I have to protect myself and get back what is rightfully mine. So I have two lawyers helping me navigate the legal system:

• Mark Tucker for the USA Civil Suit I filed against Tiny Trash for fraud and deception.
• Rogelio Freaner in Mexico re: the Order of Possession for condo that I paid 100% for.

For now, my next step is to compartmentalize my life: Work, Lawsuits, and Healing.

• Work: Focus on work so I have a paycheck to pay for lawyers.
• Lawsuits: I have so much to do wrt the US Civil suit, so much documentation and evidence needed… I will be sharing more about these suits with you in future posts.
• Healing: I’m focusing on learning to trust myself again. I didn’t see this whole thing coming. I thought things were good… I’m trying to figure out why my intuition didn’t scream at me when I needed her most. Send any/all recommended readings my way…

Stay safe and aware out there.