Friends & Family

Anything and everything that has to do with my family.. immediate family (furry felines), my Utah Family, and my Friends who are like family.

If she were “your own”.

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Really?  Does a person that says this really feel that love  would feel differently if I had bore a child, delivered one out of my loin?  That because I didn’t haven’t physically given birth I’m truly unable to love a kid completely and unconditionally??

I just arrived home after an evening out with friends and friends of friends.  At my age, its common to get the “you don’t have kids?”..”wow, you are really missing out on something.” comments.   However, tonight was the night that it just pissed me off.    So, last night, when talking with a wife of a good friend of one of my best friends, I lost it.  My response was not what the wife or I expected. 

Honesly, I just fundamentally do not understand it –  why do people think “carrying and delivering” is a measure of love, and why in the world, would they think they are superior because they’ve done both (this assumes they love their kid)… It just doesn’t make any sense. So those folks who adopt kids dont know true love?   Its very flawed to think that the love for a child, the aspiration for a better life  for the kid, the US, the world CANNO be at the same depth as someone who physically delivers a kid.  I call bullshit. 

Shame on society and/or people who feel they are superior because they have ‘had’ kids.  IMO, just because they have had sex and produced offspring and are quite possibly only temporarily together (divorce rate is 50%+ these days),  they feel more deserviing of credit than the rest of us. 

SO tonight was the last night I just nodded  my head and look like I’m agreeing with the statement.  Its bullshit and I’m going to call you on it.  If you want to approach  me with the “you dont know…..” story, I’m going to give you an earfull.  It will start with a “You are dillusional”…. “pull your head out of your ass”…  “so love for a child is measured on child birth? … what about all those folks that adopt?”  

There is something to be said for those of us who who love kids that are already on this planet like one of our own.

So, while the rest of you explain to me why the love I feel for my neice is “different” because I didn’t give birth to her, I’m booking my ticket home to see “my kid”, her family, and visit the place I call home.

Lucky To Be Alive.

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I’m in Utah now, spending a few days with family.  I am here to work on purchasing another rental property, however, this trip’s purpose has taken another turn….   I am now here to see my niece.

She and her husband were in an accident on Friday night.  They were driving along a rural road in the evening, and came across a group of cows. They slowed down, but one of the cows moved out in front of the car and they were unable to stop – They hit the cow head on.  The cow flew over their car.  My niece and her husband are alive and well for the most part.  the cow, is dead.

Events like this make you realize that life is so short.  Sometimes we have just a brush with Death… and hopefully use these events to think about our lives, and how lucky we are to be alive.  This accident could have had a very different and disastrous outcome. We, the family, feel so lucky that it ONLY produced a totaled car, a dead cow, and a few injuries, back and foot and some facial lacerations, that will heal.   This is why I will be out of pocket tomorrow – I’m going to see my niece and do my best to take care of her, even if its just for a day.

I cannot wait to see her. I’ll take a few pictures – I hear her face is black and blue from hitting the airbag.  Better than it would have looked had her head hit the windshield I’m sure.

I’ll report later… out.

Sophie’s Back!

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Sophie is back.  What a huge relief.   In the 4+ years I’ve had her, she has never roamed away.  I guess I will never know how she made it as far as she did.
Here is how finding her happened.  At 2:17 am this morning, I received a call (which I didn’t hear or pick up). When I woke up I noticed the call and listened to the message. A guy named Joshua said he was outside smoking a cigarette and Sophie came out of the bushes, meowing at him.  He said he would keep her until he heard back from me.

I called him at 9am, it went to his voice mail.  I guess anyone up at 2:17am smoking a cigarette isn’t necessarily a morning person (not that 9am is early)..  Anyway, he called me back around noon, gave me his address, and I immediately hopped in the car to pick her up.  I was very surprised how far she had gotten.  She ended up a mile or so away from the house, in a slim-shady neighborhood, on a street next to the freeway.

I was soo happy to see her.  She was happy to see me.. we laughed, we cried..  When I got home, I locked the cat door so she couldn’t get out.  She was behaving very strangely, walking around the house with a loud yowl type meow.  She couldn’t/wouldn’t settle down.  She finally did, and the picture you see is her baby, the other cat, loving on her, taking care of her.  So cute.

But here is the thing. How did I find her?  Her collar and a good samaritan.  I have cloth collar with her name and my number sewn into the collar (so there are no tags).   Someone saw the number on her collar and called.  Its as simple as that.    Here is everything I did to find her:

  • Collar – $15 about 2 years ago
  • Craigslist.org – $0 to post a missing pet add
  • SPCA – $0 – filed a missing pet report in person.  You also had to go back in-person to look for your pet.
  • UPS Store – $35 – to make 50 color flyers to hang up all over the neighborhood.
  • PetAmberAlert.com – $50 – First, it took them 24 hours to get a draft of a missing pet flyer to me.   The flyer they created was hideous so I changed it. Couldn’t do it online, I had to do it myself and then send them the pdf.   They posted it and send out the poster to neighboring businesses. However, they have yet to send me a list of everyone they sent the poster to…. Secondly, I have no way of marking my pet “found” and I have no idea what they do .. if anything, to alert people that the animal has been found.
  • Findtoto.com – $85 – for them to call 500 people within a mile radius of me.  Again, these folks will not send me a list of folks they called.  One good note is that there is a way to mark your pet as “found” on this website.  This website is so much easier to use and their turn-around time is immediate.  May not have helped me find Sophie, but doing it felt good, I felt like I was doing something and that someone was out there wanting to help me (unlike PetAmberAlert.com).

I think the best thing to do for any pet at this point, is to have a collar with a phone number on it (vs. dangling tags), insert a chip into the cat (wish it had GPS capabilities so I can look online at her location when she goes missing), and make flyers ON YOUR OWN and hang them up around the neighborhood.   As far as finding a lost pet,  I would definitely not pay for PetAmberAlert.com again.   If Findtoto.com could offer some additional services (like the flyer/business alert service at PetAmberAlert), they would rock.  Overall, I dont feel I got much value of either site, and because they aren’t able to tell me exactly what they did, It feels like a scam.

O.k. thats it for me tonight.  The cats are home safe, the pet door is locked, and I’m am exhausted.   I have more to write about all sorts of things, but that will just have to wait until tomorrrow.

Sophie’s Missing.

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My heart just hurts.. I cannot focus on anything. My little girl has been missing since Friday night.  She came home for dinner…  went out, and hasn’t returned.  I’m just beside myself.

I’ve created flyers and posted them all over the neighborhood. I called the SPCA and they aren’t open today (its Easter).  I’ve posted and paid for automated calls to the neighbors via findtoto.com. my baby is missing, It’s raining like mad here… no one has called me.. where is she?!?

I have a big demo tomorrow, and I cannot think of anything by my darling girl.  I’m struggling to keep the tears back, I have zero interest in software at the moment.

Please send well wishes my way – I want my baby home safe and sound and I’ll take all the well wishes I can get!

Connecting Family and Friends.

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One very good way to get out of a funk is to help others.

I did a fun thing today – I went to my best friends mothers house to set up a wireless network and help setup a new computer.   It was so much fun for me.  Her excitement about “getting connected”, to be able to email her family and friends from wherever they travel.

I love being around folks that are excited about technology, that want to use it to connect with people.  I have so much patience when the folks I’m helping are alive with energy, excited about “new stuff”, and clearly appreciative of just a bit of help.  With my help, she is now connected with her family – her kids… the most important part of her life.

So, now I’m home, on a Saturday night working on a demo. But its all worth it because I had a fabulous day today.

Marketing Matters.

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This was a statement from a very good friend of mine at dinner this evening.  It was said in the context of business, but as I thought about it, it applies to a lot of things , including one’s personal life.

So its been years since I’ve dated, and now that I’m almost 40, I will begin dating as an ‘older person’… this line struck very close to home.

Dating at 40 is not easy.  Men that are available are either married or just out of marriages and interested in just getting out there and/or dating younger women. I think its just a phase (as I explained to my friend), but it is what it is.  My opinion is that eventually these men will come to and realize that what they really want is a partner; someone that cares about them, that they care about, that the feeling is mutual, and the sex is great.   He agreed.  It is sometimes this simple.

The point my friend was making is that no matter what, “Marketing Matters”; so the way you present yourself is key.  His first recommendation was that I NOT wear the pants I had on as they are not flattering…    I don’t often look at what I put on, I just throw it on..  and the pants I threw on were my Trade Show pants (those of you in the software business knows what this means).   His point was that no matter whatever you are doing – from building/selling a company to grocery shopping,  that the way you market and present yourself matters.

I had not thought about it this way, but right now his advice is ringing true – if you want to draw something/someone into your life, well then, dress the part!!  So, I need new pants (and this is NOT the first time I’ve heard this… I was told this very same thing by someone else while in a different pair of pants).. and I need to walk a bit taller, exude confidence, and just be myself, and get some new pants.

Again, its about putting myself out there, and putting myself out there in the right pants.  😉  Kidding of course.   I do get the message and I thank my dear friend for making it.   I consider myself enlightened.

The End Of A Vacation.

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So much to see, so much to do.....
So, I’m back.  Back on US soil I should say, not home yet.  I’m in the Chicago airport, awaiting my flight to San Francisco.  I’d like to say I spent the flight thinking and writing great things, but I did not – I slept the entire time……  I’ll be back in the US PST timezone in no time.
What a trip.  I have so much to share, so much I’ve given thought to… here are the stories/thoughts/ponderings I plan to share about this trip:
  • Good friends.  Can’t live without them.
  • Ladybugs in the Bathroom. Funny story about friendship and the way good girlfriends sometimes get.
  • Guardrails.  Living with your guard up may be good in certain situations but not for all things….  .

I absolutely loved this vacation.  We didn’t do anything touristy if you will, but I lived the life of my friend…  and went to London to visit with another friend.  There is nothing more important to me than my friends, so seeing them, participating in their daily lives makes me feel close to them when I’m far away…

I promise to write more.. and  post pictures.

Crazy Eye Killers.

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Funny story.  Its about the cats.

Today, I went to drop off some items to Goodwill.  I love to give back, recycle if you will.  I hate to see anything go to waste.   So, I’m at the Thrift Store, and I noticed they were having a 50% off sale on everything “used”.  My first thought was, “what in the Thrift Store is new?”…     But that really doesn’t matter (fyi – nothing that I could find)…

I decided to go in and get some of the “items” on my list (I’m a task/list master… I ALWAYS have a list of something).  I needed a few “cat blankets”.  I didnt want full blankets, but more something that the cats would like so they would get into their new heated beds (heating needed – the house I live in doesn’t have insulation… its brrrr cold).  So, I picked up a few “cat blankets”, which are really two very soft scarves, that I’ve washed and dried in catnip.  

Except now the cats are obsessed, going “crazy eyed killa” on me.  Their new beds are at the end of mine – so there here they sit, staring up at me, in their new beds.  I feel like I’m being stalked.  Their states certainly do put a smile on my face.  My cute little stalkers. 

When I find the camera I’ll take pictures.. you will LOVE it!  In the meantime, here is a picture of the adorable furry beasts that stalk me on a daily basis.

Sophie and Zoey

Kids Are Hard Work!

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Yes, I know, it has been quite a while since my last post.   I’ve been busy setting up house, working, traveling, purchasing portable heaters for the house (the winter has set in) and  cat beds for the darling furry beasts, etc..   I have thought about writing almost every day as one would expect, as I have had a lot of ‘interesting’ thoughts to share…

This week I am in Utah, staying with my parents, and visiting with family.  I took a few days off, and decided to spend it with the kids in my life.  I have two nieces that I’m close with, and one  of them has children of her own…  They are all just darling, fantastic kids, and a blast to be around (meaning they are well behaved AND full of personality).

Thursday night I spent the night at my nieces house,”A’s” house, who has two girls of her own:  “Mayonaise” is 2.5 years old, “Shanaynay” is 7 months old.  We made dinner, hung out, caught up, downloaded some ringtones to my new phone… have a great time together until we hit the sack.  Around 11pm  Mayonaise woke up screaming and crying because of a new rash that was hurting her…  Ashley took off her diaper and got her in the tub, I ran to 7-11 (the only game in this small town after 10pm)…  got a bunch of random stuff and brought it home (Neosporin, Preporation H, Tums, and Pepto Bismol.  We decided the Prep H was what was needed and applied it generiously to her hiney and back…. She did go back to sleep… but I was worried about her.  Since I was sleeping with her, I kept waking up every hour or two, finally up at 4am and unable to go back to sleep until 6am.

Needless to say, I did NOT want to get up..when “A” and the kids got up.  but I did…  Played with the girls, showered, went to pick up my other niece “Ney”, and here I am, hanging with a 10 year old.  She is such a creative funny girl, we spent the evening coloring and talking….   And now,  I’m watching “Home Alone” for the 1000th time.

The thing is, I’m exhausted.  Completely and utterly exhausted.  I’m having difficulties keeping my eyes open I’m so tired.. and I will sleep soundly tonight without the help of a sleeping aid. 

All in all I’m having a blast – below  is a picture of just a moment in time – picture time.  I tried to get a picture of me and the girls to no avail.  Keeping one straight was a chore.. . getting both straight and looking forward at the same time… impossible. 

2009 Dec Paula & Kids
Picture Time

 

My hat is off to anyone who takes care of children on a daily basis… and honestly, I have no idea how a person actually works outside the home AND take care of kids.. especially young kids.   Yes, I know its  rewarding and you get used to being/feeling exhausted all the time…(at least thats what all my friends and family tell me).   But I’m glad someone else signed up for it and not me…  I looovvveee my sleep.   

Heading back to work on Monday seems like a vacation…. kids are hard work!! Darling, fun, but a lot of work.

Home Is Where The Heart Is.

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Home is where the heart is.  Yes,  a title stolen from  a movie, but its the truth. 

I was having a conversation with a friend tonight and it just hit me – all the shisa that has ‘happened’ to me this year is so inconsequential, the most important thing that has happened to me IS recognizing how lucky I am for having phenominal people around me.   Honestly, I just realized that nothing else matters but my friends and my furry kids.  My best friends who have supported me thru thick and thin, good and bad times.. ….  my furry kids who have loved me, unconditionally, thru 3 moves….

Yes, I’m divorced, newly single (or whatever people call it these days)… Yes, I had a great life, it all looked good from the outside.  And I wanted people to believe it was good.  But as much as I want to call the ex a coward, to some degree, I was myself.  He was ultimately the person that ended it thru infidelity, but we all know by now this was a symptom of a bad relationship.

Anyway, as I was chatting with my friend, It really hit me as to what was important to me… and its my best friends…. its spending time (no matter where or when) with friends; its a few moments with a best friend who is leaving town for while, its talking with my niece whom I love like my own……..  its talking/connecting with friends.  And as much as I love material things (who doesn’t love new shoes!!), I’ve realized that none of my ‘stuff’ is really that important;  all I really care about is about loving, living, talking, and taking care of the folks I adore. 

I’ve been some what a recluse lately (my friends would say its been years).  But I’ve been recovering, and now, very content with the life I’ve created.   But I have to say, I think to some degree I’ve been sub-consciously just dealing with making a new life for myself… now though, as of tonight, its a concsious choice – I love my friends, they have been very very very very good to me. 

I’m lucky and I know it.  This is a great place to be.