Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

I’ve always struggled with this statement… is it true that the absence of someone makes you want them, pine for them more?  Or is it the other way, “Out Of Sight, Out of Mind”? 

I have to say, for me, I miss, with all my being, the folks I want to hear from.  I think about them, wonder about them, wish them, mentally will them, to reach out to me.  It sometimes hurts to think about them, want them to have them think about me, but not hear from them….  I have just realized this week that I think too much about it.  I’m sure my best, sure bet is to just let it all go and assume “out of sight, out of mind”.

So, does thinking about this, thinking about wanting to hear from people, men that I’m interested in, make me needy?  I’m starting to think so.   Maybe I’m less independent than I thought…   I question myself ONLY because I sway in this thought with men.. and dating.  Why?  Because I know, that even if I dont speak to my girlfriends for a day, a few days, a week, or weeks, I know in my heart of hearts that I will see them again, that they love me, I love them, and all is well.   Its just not the same with men.Men, or at least the men I’ve connected with lately (or not …. ha!!!) , just haven’t established a pattern of consistency.  Just doesn’t seem the way “they” work.  I do feel it has more to do with “them”…  that its not so much the fear of commitment, but more so the fear of committing to the unknown….   Not wanting to give the wrong impression about their intentions.   Or, thats the story I’m telling myself tonight.

I realize I’m thinking much more about this than “they” are.  My head tells me to let it go, its exactly the way that it is, and that I should take it at face value, “out of sight out of mind”.  I guess, now that ‘m traveling more, I want to make the most of my time home, so I want to “schedule” in time to see the people that I care most about.   That’s just my Type A personality.  But as much as I want that, I think that what I need to do is just relax and go with the flow (isn’t that what dating, and/or life in general is all about?)…..    I do think that if a man wanted to see me, he would call me and make a plan to see me.  Certainly, there are gents out there that ARE calling, that ARE making the effort…   it just so happens that the these are not so much the guys I want to hear from….  😉

Lordy, one of these days, there will be recipricocity….  the man/men I want to be with will actually be the man/men that want to be with me.  Won’t that be something to celebrate?    I’ll let you know when that happens.

2 thoughts on “Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

  1. kadja1 March 10, 2011 / 2:36 am

    Well, I can relate to this. I’ve lived a solitary life for over 16 years–and during that time I only veered off my track one time with a person I refer to as “my favorite mistake” for 2 years. I figured out that his whole life was a facade and kicked him to the curb 18 months ago. People keep saying, “Oh there’s someone out there for you” but I find it challenging to find someone who can appreciate my mind, my independence and desire to NOT live a lie.

    I will not be a “convenience” or an “arrangement with a friend”. If a man can’t love me–then I am done–and believe me million dollar language, flowers and candy do not cut it with me either. Been down that road with MFM.


  2. harald spain March 9, 2011 / 2:40 pm

    Oh Paula you seem to hit the nail on the head and miss your thumb with this one. See we can all enjoy a useful saying if we want. You are a true lover. You cherish and care for the idea of loving a man more than many I have met. Be glad the feeling still flows in your vains for it does not for far to many.

    People are social animals, being “alone” takes a kind of mental toughness that few are allowed to bring out in public. Sure some of us toy with the idea of making it on our own. Beholdent to no one. (extream independancw) A solitery life is hard. I think of Alexander Selkirk (the real Robinson Cruso). When he was finally rescued from his island, he could no longer speak. His body worked fine, he could chase wild goats down and kill them, but his voice had gone. (He did discover it after talking to people and recovering from culture shock) His story has always shown me that people need people.

    Out of sight is just that out of sight but hardly out of mind. Long periods of not recalling former loves will pass but something always disturbs the placid water and then those memories come flooding back, like some over full bathtub. We mop up the spill and try to see what that taught us. In my personal experiance, very little, other than memories, shared experiances, love and loss really never go away, they will always just be.

    One must have faith. Comming from a non religous person, that sounds like speaking out of both sides of my mouth. Yet, one must get up in the morning, build a fire to stay warm (metaphorically) and keep on going. The man is out there. One that is not to damaged by life and has a good sence of humor. To think otherwise is to loose who you are and maybe your “voice”.

    So gow with the flow, dont grip the wheel to hard, avoid the rocks when possible and it will happen. (no more sayings my head hurts).

    Stay well H. S.

    excuse the spelling, I must invest in a smarter phone.


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